Ever shit your pants?

[aha]

Not diapers but pants/dress/skirt or whatever.

Sorry but these are the things that I need to know. I hate being alone in these kinds of matters. I figure that if I speak up now maybe others too scarred by their own experience might come forward and join me in the hall of shame therefore letting the healing begin.

Here is the whole sordid story.


I went to Taco Mayo yesterday ( a local mexican fast food chain.) I had myself a couple of tacos and a taco burger. I was downtown about an hour and a half later doing some shopping when the number two urge hit. It was mild at first and I thought, "Mmmmm better seek out a good bathroom." But as the urge itself became more urgent, I casually reflected, "You know, there is no place like your own bathroom to take a shit in." So I headed for home, which is only about 10 minutes away.

As I drove, the urge suddenly took on a violent and ugly mood. At first it was only a couple of cramps but then it began to feel as if I didn't make a doody right then, I would blow the back of my jeans out. A few seconds went by and it suddenly felt as if the entire weight of the universe was resting in my lower bowel. As a thin bead of sweat broke out across my forehead, I had a horrible thought, What if I didn't make it!..... But is that possible?... Certainly not! Normal healthy people don't shit their pants! But as I pulled in behind the New Yorker being driven by a purple haired old lady doing 20 mpg I realized that the worst was going to happen. I knew then that I would soon be elgible to stand around campfires years later and admit to my fellow campers and yes maybe even to the folks on the SDMB that I had indeed at one time, shit in my 501s.

With all hope now abandoned I managed to make it to my house. I careened into the driveway and hit the ground running but it was already too late. By the time I got to the bathroom there was a small but awful package in my whitie tighties.

Totally disgusted with revulsion mixed in shame, I finished the job on the commode and climbed into a hot shower. As I scubbed away, my gut still aching, I thought, How could something like this happen? Had I inadvertantly angered the great god of feces. Was I being punished for some reason for all the years of relaxation while laying the proverbial cable? I finished my shower, cracked open a fresh bottle of pepto bismo and suddenly had a relieving epiphany mixed with an approaching anger... It wasn't my fault after all! I was not becoming incontinent and I had no need to be ashamed! The blame for the entire horrible episode belonged at the feet of only one entity.....







Taco Mayo. ( Bastards)

[FairyChatMom]

I have no one to blame but myself
I have no one to blame but myself
I have no one to blame but myself



Why did I open this thread?
I have no one to blame but myself

[tatertot]

Ha! You should have done what I did FCM and skip what Aha wrote and scrolled down to see if you, FCM had ever had an unfortunate accident. :D

[bughunter]

Ever notice that once the urge starts, the intensity of the urge varies to the inverse proportion of your distance to an acceptable commode?

I like to have breakfast on the weekends at a place called Shakers here in Pasadena. Their coffee is good, but for some reason, it acts as a laxative on me. Most other coffees dont, but some specific blends, they do. And Shakers serves the latter.

So I'm driving home from breakfast one Sunday morning, and the urge to defecate became suddenly undeniable. Before I could even make it to a McDonalds, 2 blocks away, I had generously decorated the inseam of my favorite light beige drawstring pants... and it wasn't a nice solid mistake, either, it was a mess.

And of course, I was going commando that morning... Thankfully, the McDonalds had a side door that was within a few feet of the commode, and I was lucky that it wasn't occupied.

[Whammo]

No. Why would I shit my pants? I'm a grown up, I hold it in. DUDE, you shit your pants?!?!?!?! :D

**points**

[Totoro]

When I was being toilet trained, I was scared of the toilet, so I'd hide behind the couch and shit my pants. That's right, we all do it sometime.

[Quasimodem]

Surely..... I mean.... Damn, boy! Don't believe I'da told dat!

But since you asked, I have come close once or twice. The last one was a subject posted here called, I think, "Serendipity or Synchronicity?". Anyways, it had to do with the fact that I had to go really bad, but was in my car, and what should magically appear but a service station.

But so far, I can say (with some pride) that I have never carried a load. :p

Quasi

[Quasimodem]

My apologies to aha! It seems I became caught up in the humor of this unfortunate situation, and did not spend enough time understanding what happened. I apologize to you from the bottom of my heart, aha. It was not funny and I am ashamed of myself. Please forgive.

Thanks

Quasi

[BoBettie]

I just waited for 5 minutes for the reply window to open so I could tell you that I have, indeed, shit my pants.

I was at work a couple of years ago, and I was taking a "walk" break outside. That means I had wicked stomach cramps and needed to pass some gas, and was sparing my cellmates the stench. So I'm outside, strolling around, when suddenly, it happens. I think to myself, "self, are farts squidgy?" Then, I literally made this face:
:eek:
followed by:
:confused:
which turned into:
:(

I hightailed it into the ladies room, cleaned up, realized it was just my underwear that were ruined (thank God), took 'em off, wrapped 'em up, and threw them in the garbage. I then left for the day and laughed all the way home over it out of embarassment and disbelief.

I am so mortified at that story that if I actually tell it out loud, I laugh so hard I cry and usually cannot finish the tale.

[aha]

Zette:
I just waited for 5 minutes for the reply window to open so I could tell you that I have, indeed, shit my pants.




Zette...good for you. Now that you have shared it with us don't you feel better? Nothing to be ashamed of. If the truth be known I bet we have a president that has shit his pants before.

[BoBettie]

I would guess that Clinton did when he found out about the stained dress.


:eek:

I don't feel much better, but I didn't feel too awful bad, really. Since I have the sense of humor of a 12 year old boy, I now find it very funny and just laugh at it all. I guess It's a good damned thing I'm already married. Who the heck would have me now??

Zette

PS- knowing full well that this happened to me, and also that I had an...overflow...problem at work once, my husband gleefully calls me "poopy-pants". Is that true love or what?

[aha]

Zette tell your husband that I heard that Liz Taylor shit her pants one time. Sorry I don't have a link for that.

[Rilchiam]

Liz Taylor?

Okay, this is something I've only told Mr. Rilch, and that once.

I was about 7, I think. I was leaving an amusement park with my parents. My stomach was horribly cramped up, but I thought it was just gas, which happened a lot, and normally eased up with time.

In retrospect, I shouldn't have had that orange drink just before we left the park.

My mom did notice me holding my tummy and saying "ow ow ow", but when she asked, I gasped that I would be okay.

We had just gotten on the highway when suddenly it felt like an iron hand had seized my guts. Gears started turning and there was nothing I could do about it.

My mom, from the front seat, said, "[snif snif] Rilchy, did you---" and then she saw my face.

"OH GOD!!!!" my dad roared, instantly in a rage. We rolled all the windows down and sped along the highway. He was ranting the whole way, I was crying, my mom said nothing. I'm not sure exactly why he was so angry, but when I was able to talk again, I tearfully yelled, "Well, it's all over!" hoping he'd let me alone in my humiliation.

"All over your fanny!" he brayed. Pulling off the road to a service station, he ordered my mom, "Take her in there!"

No kidding, he was furious, as if I'd done something unforgivable like breaking an heirloom or getting arrested.

My mom cleaned me up as best she could, with only one remark: "He expects perfection from everyone except himself."

I'll never understand him. That is easily one of the worst situations for a kid to be in. Peeing in your pants is bad enough, but it happens to just enough of a percentage of people that it is possible to recover, knowing that you're not the only one. This, on the other hand, was the ultimate in humiliation: not being able to control my own bodily functions, and getting berated for something that I was already blaming myself for. Especially at that age: early grade school kids take great pride in continence, since it's one of the few absolute ways to distinguish themselves from the real little kids.

Well, it's never happened since. Once, I was in the terrifying position of watching Mr. Rilch come within a heartbeat of having it happen to him when we were driving through the South. He found a service station not a moment too soon, and later told me that if they'd said no, he would have either charged in or just dropped his pants in front of the register. Either way, I would never have said a word.

[SouprChckn]

Well, I've never done it but this guy (www.modularmustang.com/ubb/Forum1/HTML/000149.html) has. Funniest thing I've ever been linked to on this board.

[SouprChckn]

Aw man, the vB code messed up on that. It opens in new window but doesn't go to the site.

Rather than try that again, how about this.

http://www.modularmustang.com/ubb/Forum1/HTML/000149.html

[woodstockbirdybird]

All right, ya bunch of wusses. I'll admit it. Yes, I shit my pants. And not as a kid, either. I was in the army stationed at Fort Irwin, which is in the middle of the desert near Barstow, CA. I'd pulled guard duty all night and was driving home in the morning (I lived in Barstow, which was about a 45-minute drive)when the urge hit me. I was just past the gates, heading out on the two-lane road that runs from base to town. I figured I'd hold it in 'til I got home rather than drive back to the nearest toilet (about a 10-minute drive - this was the middle of nowhere). Unfortunately, as with aha, the urge got progressively more violent, until I was frantically expanding and contracting my sphincter muscle and moaning loudly in an effort at relief. Normally I would've pulled over and dumped it by the side of the road, but there was nothing but desert on either side of me - nowhere to hide - and all the Army personnel who lived off-post were driving in on their way to work. After having somehow made the drive all the way home while making facial contortions like Jim Carrey on a crack binge, I pulled into my parking space and bolted for the door, only to stop dead in my tracks as the big hairy shit exploded out of my ass and dripped down my pants and onto the sidewalk, so that I left a trail of evidence leading straight to the door of my apartment. Not too many neighbors dropping by to ask for a cup of sugar after that.
On a related note, once when I was stationed in Alabama I went out to a club (the only "alternative" club in Huntsville) with a friend of mine, Chris. We met some women and danced and got drunk, and after one too many Mind Erasers I felt the need to vomit. I went into the restroom and puked, then discovered that I had to take a crap (diarrhea would be more accurate), so I turned over and took care of business from the other end, then puked again, turned around, etc., until finally I was so far gone I just sat there with my face buried in the toilet bowl, my pants around my ankles, a thin trickle of poo dripping down my ass crack. Well, Chris came in to look for me, climbed over the top of the stall, saw me, and said "Jesus Christ, John, you're pathetic!" He then proceeded to bring the girls we met in to show them, as well as half the guys in the club and anybody from our unit who was present. All I could do was weakly protest, "Chris, get out.." while he loudly berated me with "Get up, you drunk!" and "Look at him! Have you ever seen anything so pathetic?" Ah, such compassionate friends I've had. I'm truly blessed.
Sweet Christ, I hated the Army.

[Rilchiam]

Soupr, I've seen that many times before over the last few years. No offense, but I've never been convinced of its authenticity.

[Quasimodem]

Man!

Quasi

[Whammo]

*sigh* ...ok... you see... I'm just bitter. I had a horrible experience that scarred my youth.

In gradeschool, 3rd or 4th grade I believe. I got sick. Flu sick. I felt it coming but the teacher was talking and I couldnt ask to go to the bathroom. I shit diarreha my pants and ran to the bathroom. I didnt know what to do at such a young age so I cleaned myself up best I could and went back to class for the rest of the day!! :eek: I stank. The class bully found out I shit my pants and the rest of the year was hell. HELL I TELL YOU!!!!

Thanks for the memories AHA!! THANKS A LOT!!! ...bastard... :(

where's a clock tower and rifle when you need one?!?!

[China Guy]

Let me set the stage. Well, first trip in 1985 to Tibet, in winter. Just spent a month travelling by bus in some really inhospitable places. Almost nothing to eat. Just spent two days hiking from one province to another to get away from the police. Ended up in a frickin metropolis of a town with maybe 4,000 people. Ate my first big meal in a month and then puked it up about 20 minutes later. That night, sleeping on the third floor of a guesthouse hovel, there is snow on the ground, it is maybe 20 degrees out, most amazing stars you ever say, and the communal and very public outhouse (with live pigs rooting around underneath) was about 50 yards away from the guesthouse. Oh yea, it had been about 3 weeks since the toilet paper ran out and all that was left was notebook scraps. And, because these were squatters, some of the previous squatees had missed and left the evidence just lying there. Since it hadn't been above freezing for a few months, you can just imagine.

I wake up with abdominal pains and the urge to cut loose REALLY bad. I get up, put on boots, pull on some clothes, walk down the hall, down 3 flights of stairs, outside in through the snow 50 years, into the outhouse, drop the pants, squat down, freeze my ass and nards off, and let rip with a really really really giant fart. That was it. Whew, just some gas. So, pull up my pants, and back to bed. 5 minutes later, oh man, I gotta go, . I get up, put on boots, pull on some clothes, walk down the hall, down 3 flights of stairs, outside in through the snow 50 years, into the outhouse, drop the pants, squat down, freeze my ass and nards off, and let rip with another fart of epic proportions.

Repeat this process about 5 times. Time six, I'm lying in my not quite bitterly cold bed thinking, I can do a one cheek sneak. And I did. Time seven, great its just gas. About the tenth time, HELLO, I think there's a problem. And I had to I get up, put on boots, pull on some clothes, walk down the hall, down 3 flights of stairs, outside in through the snow 50 years, into the outhouse, drop the pants, squat down, freeze my ass and nards off, and let fly at the pigs down below. I then carefully had to take off one pant leg, foot back in the boot, take off the other pant let, foot back in the boot, freezing my entire bottom half off. Peeled the boxers and thermal underwear away from the pants, wipe with same, throw at the pigs. Put the pants back on, with a tiny brown stain, and go back to bed. I was hating life, lemme tell ya.

[China Guy]

Jesus, I really need to preview.

The outhouse was 50 yards away although the walk felt like 50 years...

[The Mermaid]

Ok once we went to a wine festival sponsored by a local winery. It was hot. I was thirsty. I drank about 2 bottles of wine. Did I mention I don't drink very often. Nearly every time I do no good comes of it.

Soon I was having to be dragged knee-walking sdrunk back to the car to be allowed to sleep a bit while the others went back to the festival. My husband returned to find me in a wine stained t shirt, covered in wine colored puke with tight jeans full of wine colored shit. Of course I was so upset by my predicament I cried the whole way home, a 30 minute trip. I was dragged, rolled and coerced out of the car, up the stairs and into the shower all the while alternating between crying, puking and simultaeously crapping myself. Did you know that wine has a laxative effect. I know that now.

Have I ever crapped myself. I have no clear recollection of that.

[dwyr]

I can't believe I'm doing this...

Many years ago, a few months after I started my job at the hospital lab, I caught an incredibly vicious gastrointestinal virus. I barely made it back to my apartment before the fireworks began. I was liberally vomitting when the diarrhea began. Eeesh. Fortunately, or not, I lived alone. No witnesses. However this scenario did present some logistical problems. I ended up on the commode while throwing up into the bathtub. Every half-hour for the rest of the night I crawled from my bed to the bathroom.


Ah, memories.


I deny I ever said any of this.

[Fyodor]

Having worked internationally in some third world hell-holes, I am well familiar with the cold sweat, fist-grabbing-gut, churning, gurgling feelings of the poor sod who is about to dump a load in his/her britches. I'll spare you my details...the best story I ever heard was the young lady in the Peace Corp who arrived home at an American airport with her gut laden with souvenirs. Filled with an overwhelming urge, she was unable to locate a bathroom in time. Fortunately, she was wearing a long skirt and there was one of those cylindrical garbage cans nearby. She knocked the top off the garbage can, mounted it with her skirt over it, and blew it out her ass as the crowd flowed around her.

[Lute Skywatcher]

I know people who claim to have done the "butt on toilet, face over tub" maneuver. I've had enough wet ones to be able to discern when one is coming. Here's my best story:

One day a few years back, I wanted to go to do some shopping near Tyson's Corner. I didn't have a car yet, so I took the bus. At the time I lived on the #2 line, half of those go to Tyson's Corner Mall, the other half to Fair Oaks Mall. The trip from home to Tyson's is an hour by bus; about half-way into the trip I felt my bowel move. I knew I wasn't going to make it to the mall, so I started thinking of where else I could go to relieve myself. I realized that there was a Toys "R" Us not far from one of the last stops before the mall. I got off the bus, hoping that I could make it there in time. I was doing fine until I bent over to drop my pants. This resulted in extra pressure that I just could not hold. I had hoped that I managed to get everything in the bowl, but when I was finished I saw that I had instead sprayed some on the wall behind me. Not wanting to leave such a mess behind, I cleaned as best I could.

[bibliophage]

1999) unforeseen laxative effect of cardamom + long walk = unpleasant surprise. 'nuff said.

[aha]

This is so therapeutic isn't it?

[Astroboy14]

Yup, been there! Don't wanna go into details!

I was about 27 ot 28 at the time....

'nuff said!

[FairyChatMom]

Originally posted by tatertot
... scrolled down to see if you, FCM had ever had an unfortunate accident. :D

Look, after having my gallbladder removed, my system functions as it chooses. I've since learned to read the warning signals. Anything beyond that is decidedly TMI... I've got a reputation to consider, fercryinoutloud!


It's not my fault... I've been surgically altered... <sigh>

[Spider John]

A friend and I in 9th grade were trying out for JV football and going over to the high school (our 9th grade was in junior high) after school everyday to work out.

Neither of us could get a ride to the HS one day so we decided we'd walk the 3 miles and try and get rides home.

At about mile 2.5 I was becoming quite aware of an urgent requirement from below. I mentioned it and he admitted that he too had to back one out. When we got to the highschool property we were about equal distance between the main school and the auditorium which was a seperate building. The auditorium was slightly closer so we headed that direction.

I had to stop walking every once in a while an fight it. The more I walked the more I had to dump. It was torture.

When we got about 50 yards from the building, my buddy started running toward it.. I kept my fast walk pace with my eye on the target trying not to think about anything but holding it back for 2 more minutes.

My buddy hit the building, bouncing off the locked doors and bolted back toward the main building without even taking enough time to curse.

As for me, I didn't have a prayer. I was saying the word and committing the act simultaneously. All it took was seeing that guy spinning off the locked doors for my body to take over and say its over.

Obviously I wasn't about to walk into the locker room with a load in my pants, so I made an about face and began a 3 mile walk to my house. The only thing worse than shitting your pants is walking 3 miles in them.

[Bumbazine]

Have I ever mentioned that I am severely lactose intolerant?

Did you know that one of the effects of lactose intolerance can be sudden, violent diarrhea?

Did you know that the bastards that create foodstuffs in this country put whey (lactose) in just about everything because it's a cheap form of sugar?

I hate Beatrice Foods!

[mouthbreather]

I sort of did. I just had a little bit of poop juice in my pants, but then it turned into a projectile pooping catastrophe I didn’t know was humanly possible. I was driving around in that sphincter clenching, sweaty brow, rumbling intestines panic. Got to a gas station bathroom just in time to drop the bomb in the toilet. All was fine, or so I thought.

Went out from there, met some friends at a bar. Ordered a white russian. Don't know if it was the cream, or the vodka, but after I had about half of it, my ass revolted. I still hold a grudge against it to this day. For some ungodly reason (Why do you taunt me, god?) This bar I was in only had one bathroom, THREE FLOORS DOWN. Jesus F-N Christ, I go flying down the stairs, thinking someone just set off an M-80 in my colon. I get to the floor that the bathroom is on, go full speed down the hall to the bathroom, do the "trying to unbuckle, unbutton, and unzip" dance. Before I can even sit down, there goes Old Faithful. I sprayed the wall behind the toilet (yes, I cleared the toilet entirely) a good four feet away. With enough force to have considerable splashback. After I was done, I spent some serios time cleaning up and went back to join my friends. Never told them about it.

[Quasimodem]

I am sorry!:o I am sorry!:o I am sorry!:o I am sorry!:o I am sorry!:o I am sorry!:o I am sorry!:o I am sorry!:o I am sorry!:o I am sorry!:o I am sorry!:o I am sorry!:o I am sorry!:o I am sorry!:o

Aha: Please acknowledge my apology, or I will be forced to repeat this ad nauseum and take up precious band width!

Thanks,

Quasi

[Gundy]

Originally posted by woodstockbirdybird
I went into the restroom and puked, then discovered that I had to take a crap (diarrhea would be more accurate), so I turned over and took care of business from the other end, then puked again, turned around, etc.

Ahh, the "turnaround dumper". A phenomenon I've yet to experience but have witnessed in action in several Chicago bar bathrooms.

My shit-my-pants story is pretty mild compared to some of those, but hey! It's for a good cause - making aha feel better. So, here goes:

I was visiting my then-boyfriend in New York City for the weekend. We had eaten some highly dubious Chinese food for lunch, then took a walk on the Mall in Central Park. I was walking around snapping pictures when I felt a stomach cramp, and decided what the hell, no one is close by, let one fly. It was a little poot followed by...a squirt. Not much, but enough to alarm me. Oh my god, I crapped my pants! So I grabbed the boyfriend and hailed a taxi, then told him to roll down the windows. Luckily, the cabbie smelled pretty bad, so my little secret was safe. I told my boyfriend I had gotten my period, ran back to the apartment, and threw the undies away wrapped up in toilet paper. Oh! The shame!

The best part is the picture I snapped whilst pants-shitting is really shaky.

[gobear]

Instance 1

Scene: Seoul, Korea

After a lavish bulgogi dinner, I was walking a new teacher to her apartment. About halfway there, I started experiencing serious gastrointestinal discomfort. As we walked along, my efforts to contain the flood failed and I started a slow, liquid leak from the back while I was walking next to the new teacher. Luckily, it wasn't too smelly, so I don't think she noticed, or if she did, had too much class to notice, but God, was I embarrassed.

Instance 2

Scene: India, The latenight sleeper train from Calcutta to Varanasi

I had been struggling with the runs since my second day in India, and with the help of some pills, i thought i had the problem licked. I ordered dinner from the train steward: some dal, vegetable pickle, rice, a chapatti, and some yogurt. It tasted good and went down well, but three hours later, I experienced a volcanic push from my lower intestine and sprinted to the toilet, which I discovered was a hole in the floor of the bathroom. I lowered my trou to find a warm, steaming heap in my jockeys. No sooner had I finsihed crapping than I started puking my toenails up. Then I had to crap again, then puke and then at the same time. It was horrible. By the time the train pulled into the station at Varanasi, I was literally bent over in agony, and I told the
auto rickshaw guys I'd double the rate if one would take me to a hotel where I could get a doctor ASAP.

[aha]

Quasi... I am not sure why one was needed, but please be advised that your apology is accepted.

[scout1222]

Puddin' Pants Episode One

Senior Year of College, no other known risk factors present

I was walking down the street on the way to study in the library in college. Decided I'd let one fly. Apparently I had an unknown case of diarrhea. Needless to say, I headed right back home to change my drawers. Decided to study in the dorm after all. My biggest beef with that incident was that I was paranoid that as I passed people on the street they'd be able to smell my poopiness.



Puddin' Pants Episode Two

August 1998, shortly after finishing America's Finest City Half Marathon.

Did you know that running sometimes makes you need to poo? I didn't...until that day. I was horribly undertrained, so the race experience was miserable anyway. On the way out of the finish area, I realized I was going to need to hit a bathroom soon. As we walked, it just got worse and worse. Stupidly I decided to relieve the pressure by passing a little gas. Wrong. I think the smilie face :eek: says it all. I immediately went up to the people I carpooled with and said "We need to go. Now." Hopped in the truck, got home, peeked on the seat as I got out to make sure I left no trace. I did confess to the driver later, but I knew at the time to keep my mouth shut - the truck was new, and if he knew what kind of heat I was packing...I'd have been walking home.

[Kiki]

I was 8 months pregnant and in college during my incident so I blame my shitty pants story on being pregnant! I had stood up and leaned over to pick up my back pack and when I did I ripped a huge fart. Everyone turned around and looked at me and the more I moved the more I farted. I stood up and just kind of laughed it off and then I realized that as I had shit my pants as I was farting. Thank goodness I was wearing granny panties. If I would have had on my regular bikini panties it would have been going down my leg probably. I went to the bathroom and cleaned up, threw my dirty granny panties away and went back to class. That's the only time I remember shitting my pants. I was always farting though... that didn't shock anyone!

[handy]

"Ever shit your pants?"

I suppose we all have dude, you know the diaper brigade. & it felt great doing it back then.

Can't say as I have as an adult. Close, though.

[aha]

Can't say as I have as an adult. Close, though.

Come on handy don't hedge...you can tell us we are your friends.

[MannyL]

Oh man I almost did last night.

I was at karaoke about 20 minutes from my houseand my stomach started acting up. I started deep breating and that normally settles me down. I was able to last a little while but then I started feeling it again. I left to go to my car then started heading home. Every time I hit a bump,I got progressivly worse. Worse than this I got stuck at every light. I finally made it into the house and to the bathroom thankfully nothing had leaked out but it was close. As soon as I sat down there was a force 10 explosion

[Olentzero]

Well, most of you probably know about the time I pissed my pants from the "most embarrassing" thread a few weeks ago.

I have not (yet) shit my pants as an adult but I have come terribly, mortifyingly close.

It was my birthday, 2 Nov 1994. I had been out at the Brickskeller here in DC with my friends celebrating, and finally the last few stragglers decided to call it quits. One of them threw a couple of bucks at me for cab fare since I was still finishing my beer and he wanted to go home.

Foolishly, I decided to spend the cab fare on one more beer and then walk home.

For those of you who do not know Washington, the Brickskeller is located at approximately 21st and 'P' Streets NW, whereas my dorm was on Georgetown campus at 37th and 'O' NW. According to Mapquest, the total distance is 1.8 miles. A fairly hefty piece of walkin' under the best of circumstances.

Which this was not. By 23rd street I was quite aware that I ought to find a bathroom; by 25th Street I was very aware that my body had suddenly decided to conduct a very urgent missile defense test and was howling for launch.

And there wasn't a damned toilet in sight. That area of Washington between Brickskeller and Georgetown is either ritzy residences, well-guarded embassies, or stores that close shortly after the business day concludes. So I kept on walkin', concentrating on taking as large steps as possible without risking separating my glutei by the tiniest amount.

By the time I got to Georgetown my coat was off, my shirt was drenched in sweat, and I must have looked like I was simultaneously on crack, meth, and speed. I found the first public toilet on campus that I could find and thanked whatever fortune had smiled upon me that the door was unlocked. I barrelled into a stall, even managed to lock the door and hang up my coat with one hand while getting my pants off with the other.

And I didn't miss. The damn thing was a true monster, easily a "one-and-a-half-times-around-the-bowl" type of deal. And the vagal response was truly beautiful. I'd never felt so mellow in my life.

So of course I go straight home, where I encounter my roommates entertaining some friends. They see me soaked to the marrow, face flushed, and the wild-yet-chilled-out look in my eyes, and ask what in the name of God happened to me.

Not missing a beat, I replied "I just took the best shit of my life."

Needless to say, as the song goes, the party broke up.

So anyway, that's my poop story.

[Coldfire]

Originally posted by Jeff Olsen
I know people who claim to have done the "butt on toilet, face over tub" maneuver.Guilty as charged. Do a board search for my name and the words "Turkey" and "Hotel room". 'Nuff said. :eek:

Luckily, I've never shit my pants as an adult, although, like some others, I've had some close calls.

[AuntiePam]

Oh yeah. More than once. (Also lactose intolerant but didn't know it until after a sigmoidoscopy and a barium eneme ruled out polyps, etc..)

The absolute worst event was after a lunch of blackened prime rib and several cups of coffee. How stupid is that, even for someone whose bowels behave normally? But it was so good. Anyway, about 10 minutes after I got back to the office, I was rushing to the bathroom when one of the managers stopped me and asked some stupid question.

Did I say "Excuse me, I'll get back to you"? No, I stopped and chatted long enough with the son of a bitch that by the time I'm in the stall and pulling down my jeans, it's too late. Poop on the back of my shirt (it was a long shirt), my legs, and on my shoes.

I was able to wash body and shoes quite thoroughly, but there was nothing I could do about the back of the long (white) shirt. No way I was going to tuck it in and risk stinking for the rest of the day, so I yelled for the intern, who brought me one of the company's logo shirts. (I told her I'd spilled on myself at lunch.)

I'm okay now, but I'm never without Immodium A-D, at work and at home, just in case. Wonderful stuff.

I can't believe I'm hitting Submit. Just another wonderful sharing experience on the Dope, caused by aha. (Who else?) :)

[herownself]

I swore I would never tell anyone...

It was my first day of Jury duty, and since both the municipal court and my husband's job were downtown, we agreed to meet for lunch. We were waiting for lunch to arrive when it happened. Zette said it so well:


I think to myself, "self, are farts squidgy?" Then, I literally made this face:
:eek:
followed by:
:confused:
which turned into:
:(


I, too ran up to the ladies room, discovered that it was only my panties, wrapped and tossed them.

Then I had to go downstairs to explain to my husband what had happened. He had the sense to treat the issue with appropriate gravity (until after it was all over). I went back to his office and called the Jury people and told them that I would not be returning and that they didn't want to know the details. Then I rode the bus home clenching my naked butt inside my jeans.

[Quasimodem]

I asked for your forgiveness because I take care of people and I should be better than what I wrote. It was a "cheap shot" and I am sorry for taking it.

Humbly,

Quasimodem

[MysterEcks]

Not my pants...mainly because I wasn't wearing any.

My ex-wife and I could get pretty weird on occasion--sex was frequently on the verge of disolving into humor. That's why it happened.

We had been fooling around one night, and were about to get to the main event. She was horizontal; just as I crawled on top, I had the urge to fart--since we were that kind of couple, I let it rip. Alas, it wasn't a fart....

ME: "Oh shit."
SHE: "Very funny."
ME: "But I'm not beingfunny...."

Fortunately, the then-MyssesEcks had less bladder control than most four-year-olds, so she wasn't about to make fun of me.

[handy]

"Come on handy don't hedge...you can tell us we are your friends."

Well, you see, there is a nice rocky coast on Monterey bay, so perfect place for doing an emergency landing, if you catch my drift.

So, aha, when you gonna start a topic here to follow up with this one called 'Did you ever pee your pants?'

[aha]

Originally posted by handy


So, aha, when you gonna start a topic here to follow up with this one called 'Did you ever pee your pants?' [/B]

Well bladder control is not in my area of expertise handy but I am currently studying it.

[Pnuk Guy]

Yup.

The Ecuadorian Rainforest is the worst place to get the squits. Believe me.

We were trekking and I was eating these pills that are meant to cork up your asshole like nobodies business. We weren't allowed to shit in the woods due to all the bugs/spiders/scorpions and these little bastard Fire Ants that reduce grown adults to blubbering heaps of pain. I did NOT want anything biting my ass.

But these squits were not to be beaten, just as I got back to the toilet my bladder erupted all over everything in sight It was SO disgusting. Over trousers/boxers/floor/shoes. I laughed until I smelt it.

ewwwww....

[Briminator]

hmmmm...I'm not sure it qualifies, I have never crapped my pants but I have had the turtle head action going on now and then (you get the drift? right?) and sometime the good ole' turtle head would leave a nice little mark on my underwear, I don't think it qualifies as crapping my pants but close.

[Typo Negative]

spooje raises his hand.

Yes, I have. And I have irritable bowel syndrome, had it most of life.

I was about 14, in Tennessee, mowing the lawn of a church. I was alone(my grandfather was to pick me up at a certain time, as he was off fixing a fence or something), the church was locked, there were only a couple of houses in the area. I felt the impending attack coming........

I wasn't about to go to a strangers house and ask them if I could blow out their toilet bowl. I wasn't about to defecate on church grounds. And I wasn't prepared to drop my pants in the Tennesse woods(I had a strong and realistic fear of snakes). I held it as long as I possibly could, but Gramps was little tardy coming to get me.

So I crapped my pants.

[BunnyGirl]

woody, you now have the dubious honor of being the first poster to make me laugh until I've cried. Thanks.

Olent, we share a birthday.

I have no story to contribute, just commiseration, a pat on the back, and some guffaws at your expense.

[arachnidlove]

Christ. Why am i doing this?. Okay.
::pulls up a chair and joins the gang::

When I was around 13, I think, I went with my sister to pick up her paycheck at Oakwood Waterslides. If you live anywhere near Manteca, you have heard the annoying commercial they have. So yeah, the parking lot is a dusty gravel like space with little trees spaced about every 15 cars or so. As far as I can remember. My stomach started hurting on the way there and I told her I'd just sit in the car while she went and got her check. Bad Idea. Had I gone with her I would have had many opportunities to use the bathroom. But no, I sat in the car and just waited..and waited. Until it became apparent that I had to use the bathroom soon. Ten minutes later my sister has not yet shown up and I'm growin into a panic. The nearest bathroom is at least 5 minutes away from me and I couldnt spare that much time. So my mind races, what do I do?!? I reassure myself that she'll be back any minute and she'll speed me to a bathroom. I get out of the car and look for her. No sign. Just other guests coming out of their cars and heading off to the park. We are parked next to a tree and I size up the situation. Can I shit right here and get away with it? Theres too many people and I just about start crying because I don't know what to do. Finally I see my sister, and I wave her frantically over. I guess the look on my face was enough for her to jog over. I tell her that I have to go NOW! She tells me to squat near the tree and she'll hand me some napkins she has in her glove box. So while I'm pulling down my pants, it becomes apparent that I'm two seconds too late. I defecate all over my pants. I start sobbing and spraying and its just a horrible sight. Meanwhile the great sister I have starts laughing at me. Enough that she's gasping for air and turning red. I wipe myself the best i could and pull up my pants half way. She refuses to let me SIT in her car,so she lays down towels on the back seat and I lay down. We go home,and I'm still crying,humiliated and hating everyone at the moment. When we get home I run straight to the bathroom and into the shower.I don't even take my clothes off. I hose them down while I'm in there. ::sigh:: And theres my pants shitting story.

BTW..I'm secretly happy that this thread came up again. I laughed so hard the first time it came around.

[malaka]

Among friends, this is one of my most popular stories.

This happened around the age of 25. A Greek buddy and I were out drinking and ended up with 2 lovely girls back at their apartment. Things progressed until, eventually I was seated on the couch, looking at photo albums with one girl. On the adjacent couch, under some blankets, was my buddy and the other girl...doing whatever is done under blankets at 2:30am.

Now, after a night of drinking and some White Castle burgers, I had a bad case of "angry ass". Every 10 minutes or so, I would excuse myself to the bathroom. Sometimes to piss, sometimes to pass gas.

One of these times turned ugly. I was standing in front of the toilet, relieving myself, and felt the need to "toot". Next thing I know, I have a steamy, hot "hershey squirt" running down the back of my right leg.

I panicked. I quickly locked the door and took off my shoes, socks and pants. My underwear was destroyed so I wrapped it up in toilet paper and stuffed it into the garbage. With the remainer of the roll, I proceeded to clean up my leg as best as possible.

By this time, I had been gone too long and things were starting to look suspicious. I still smelled awful, so I grabbed a bar of soap from her shower and rubbed it up and down the back of my leg, deodorant style. The only thing left to fix were my white socks (well, the right sock was now a muddy shade of brown). I put my pants back on and pulled them low, so that when I sat down, the hems wouldn't hike up and reveal my fecal secret.

When I got back to the couch, I sat down and said in a loud voice, "Ekana scata mesa ta pantelonia mou!", which means, "I just shit in my pants!". I wish I had a camera to capture the look on my friends face as he popped it up from the blankets. I said, "Prepi na figame tora!", which is, "We have to leave NOW!".

We both stood, said good-bye to the girls and made a hasty retreat.

And I'm still single.

:)

[thinksnow]

malaka, you posted that somewhere before, I remember laughing my ass off (no pun intended) at the time.

As for me: I was doing calisthenics prior to going on a run (Marine Corps.) I was in my "catch me-fuck me" shorts (you know, those thin, silky PT shorts with the lining) and was cranking away on some crunches, leg lifts and hello-Dollies. All goes well until I stand up.

Hmm, I know a stashed some change for a pop after the work-out, I think a dime or something sliped into my shorts. think I.

Pulling the lining away from my leg, a tiny, hard little turd drops out. :eek: No one noticed, so I bolted back inside to do a commando wipe only to find…nothing, clean as a whistle!

That's my story, I hope you've enjoyed it.

[Clothahump]

In 1980, I was getting ready for a trip to Indonesia. Got the cholera shots - 2 shots, one week apart. The first one didn't faze me at all, the second one damn near killed me.

My neighbor had a key to my apartment and came in after no one had seen me for a couple of days. I had been delerious, sicker than a dog and incontinent all over the place. She found me half naked and passed out in the toilet. I had shit myself dry, but hadn't made it to the john.

That cost me a day in the hospital while they rehydrated me and shoved a large cork up my butt....

[SqrlCub]

Thus chronicles Aha's version of Ptaco Ptomaine. Never will he return there again.

/em knocks on wood that he can hold it.

I went on a date with a guy once who shit his pants on purpose. The moment he did and smiled maliciously was the last moment I ever talked to him again. The filthy bastard. Accidents happen, doing it on purpose is unforgiveable.

HUGS!
Sqrl

[flyboy]

Every once in a while, out of nowhere, I'll get an attack just like aha described. Usually it's no problem. Sometimes, though, it is. I fly in one of those spy planes that went down in China. I'm the guy in charge. These things require a two-hour preflight, followed by (typically) an eleven-hour mission, which requires me to be inside the aircraft for a good 12 hours, at least. This is a Naval aircraft, which means it's too cheap to have a bathroom in it. Well, there is a bathroom, but there's not a toilet. We bring with us a little stand-up urinal which gets emptied after each flight. The women, when they need to go, have to use a cup, then pour it in the urinal. If someone needs to do something other than piss, it's called "breaking the code." This involves 1) going into the head with a few trash bags 2) doing your business in said trash bags 3) stowing it, tightly wrapped, underneath the floorboards, which will eventually lead to 4) smelling up the back half of the cabin. As punishment, the first guy (or girl) to break the code must take all the other bags out at the end of the flight, since once the code is broken, the damage is done and people are free to chip in with their donations.

So, one day, at the beginning of a flight, I'm feeling a bit strange. Then the cramps start. Very painful cramps. Within an hour I'm ready to explode. So, I'm faced with a decision: break the code (and boy, would it be a messy, smelly affair), or suck it up and try to get through another ten hours of agony. As the boss, the consequences would be totally humiliating. I'd never be able to live it down, and I'd probably wind up with "Dumpster" as my nickname... the guys would be laughing about it, no doubt, but still, I can't think of anything more embarrassing to happen to me on the plane, and then I'd have to carry off not only my mess but anyone else's who chipped in...

So I held it in. For ten whole hours. Longest flight of my life, but also the best landing (because it was so welcome) ever.

[Doobieous]

The story of my crapping my pants:

I was in 4th or fifth grade, and heading home on the highschool kid's bus. I felt the urge to shit while we were riding home, and like everyone else, the urge got stronger as time went on. I must have looked like i was having seizures because i kept moving and shifting in my seat. I knew the inevitable was about to happen. The bus soon got to the stop, and i got off. I started to race home (home was a couple of blocks away, and i had to cross a field to get there. I kept clenching my sphincter muscles, trying to keep it in. Alas it would not stay. Just as i started across the athletic field i let it out, and could feel it fill my undies. God it stank. Fortunately for me no one was walking with me, and not too many people were walking the same route.

As i got home i immediately went into the bathroom. Sure enough, there was a mound of brown in my undies. I remember sitting on the toilet and shitting the rest of it out. I then took my undies, and washed them out. I then threw them int he washer to wash the rest out (by then i had already learned to do laundry). I dont think i even told my mom or brothers (god forbid my brothers know). I wouldnt care telling them now, in case any of you were going to say that :).

[maryliza]

I've got a story. Two actually.

The first one: I've been out drinking with friends. At the end of the evening I have to walk home because I missed the last metro. I'm only about five minutes away from my front door when the intestinal rumblings start. "Good thing I'm almost home, " I think naively. "I'll just pass a little gas and feel better." Famous last thought.

I ran back to my apartment and went straight to the shower.

The second story: didn't happen to me, it happened to an ex-boyfriend in high school. He was a wrestler. They binge and purge regularly to make weight for matches-- the only thing that matters is your weight the morning of the weigh-in. So, my ex is a little overweight for his class, and he's been trying all the normal techniques for the days leading up to the match. He's not eating much, he's wearing plastic bags to work out in, the whole nine yards. The day of the weigh-in, the whole team makes their respective weight classes. To celebrate, they go to Denny's.

Ha.

So he ate apparently three breakfast meals, or something like that. Then it's time to get ready. He gets in the ring, the match begins, and all of a sudden his stomach starts to cramp.

Ha ha.

He lets loose a little fart.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Except it isn't little and it ain't a fart.

Oops.

Yup, he crapped his wrestling uniform.

He forfeited the match, went to the showers, threw out his boxers, cleaned himself up and then stole a pair of boxers from someone else's locker.

Hey, I sympathize with the, err, accident, but stealing someone's clean boxers because you crapped your own?

I dumped him. No pun intended.

[BoBettie]

God, I love this thread. Why oh why do I have the maturity of a 12 year old boy.

Poop. Ha!
Poop. Ha, ha!

Poop in pants.

BWWWWWAAAAHAAAAAAAA!!!!

Zette

[Spydergirl_87]

I'm with you, Zette....I'm drawn to these posts and I find them freaking hilarious! Keep up the good work!!

[Ruffian]

Like several others who've posted, my episode happened while stricken with one nasty, nasty flu virus.

I was in Mexico on a camping/Habitat for Humanity trip. I'ld adhered very strictly to the "don't drink the water" rule, all the way down to brushing my teeth with bottled water. Still, my last night there, I started feeling queasy. I went to bed early, but around 11pm got up and puked. This happened again at about 12am, but this time I felt the diarrhea beginning to kick in. At first, I was able to keep things under control. But at barf session #3, while convulsing on one end, I blew out the back...I had absolutely no control. You know how hard it is to keep things packed in when you've got the runs; add the violent convulsions of vomitting, and well...you're up shit creek.

I ruined the underwear, which like Zette I promptly threw away. The flannel PJ bottoms were stained, but salvageable, and I did what I could with them. I spent the rest of the morning in the bathroom, blowing alternately from both ends. Man, I was sick. Worst part was having to deal with the 4 hour drive home (as a passenger, not a driver, thank God). I nearly blacked out due to dehydration, but fortunately there was nothing less to blow or puke, so there were no messes.

When I came home, it turned out I had a fever of 103. This, from a person who hasn't had a fever over 100 since she was 16! Even when I had pneumonia!

[Atreyu]

Well...

I sure hope that writing to this thread has helped everyone get a load off their minds.

:D

[Atreyu]

Hit the submit post a little too quickly...

Let's see...February 1999. I never missed a day of college due to illness except for a two day stretch during that month. Without a doubt, it was the sickest I have ever been in my entire life. Even the mere memory of it is enough to disturb me.

About two hours prior to bedtime, I began vomiting intensely, so hard that I honestly thought I would rupture my stomach. Even when there was nothing more to bring up, I would experience impossibly strong dry heaves. This period lasted about forty minutes, and I wanted to die.

I collapsed in my bed afterwards, woke up in the morning with a burning fever, and discovered that during the night my underwear and bedsheets became...soiled. The sweatpants I was wearing while asleep were forever ruined, as were the bedsheets. I don't think I need to speak of the underwear's fate.

I would continue to have such bowel problems for the balance of the day, but my memory of it is a little fuzzy because I spent much of the following day semi-conscious. As ill as I was, I was embarrassed by what was going on.

[Mudshark]

Well, about three months ago in the last week of ninth grade. During English I had been farting a lot, and one on them wasn't a fart. I had the shits and shit my pants. So I went to the bathroom and cleaned up and finished having the
shits. My boxers were ruined and I threw them away (I kept an extra pair in my gym locker for some reason)and I went to get these.

Luckily there was only one more class that day and no one found out.

[CrankyAsAnOldMan]

I felt the need to bump this. So many bummed-out people on the boards.

I laugh until I cry whenever I read this one.

[Soul Brother Number Two]

shitting in the can and puking in the tub is so declasse, people! really, the thing to do is to take off the top of the toilet tank and straddle the toilet backwards.

in certain circles, this is known as 'riding the detox pony.'

as to my own tales of muddy pants, only once or twice have i thought i farted only to find, what my oh so mature pals and i refer to as:

trouser chili

teaspoon in the trou

and my personal favorite, pants pesto.

happened at work once. fortunately, it was a dot com, so i slunk out and went home and no one even noticed.

[PunditLisa]

Yes, if you must know, but it was my cousin's fault. I had calculated barely enough time to make it home from the mall in order to do my business *privately* when her car broke down right in the middle of a very public intersection. The nearest gas station was a mile away.

The story concludes with my underwear hanging on a limb and me riding home in the BACK of a pickup truck in minus 10 degree weather while my cousin was laughing so hard she nearly puked all over herself.

The moral of the story: 1) When you gotta go, go, even in a public restroom. 2) Always carry kleenex in your purse.

[drillrod]

1992. Army Leadership School at Ft. Bragg. The rules say that you can't just walk from one place to another all by yourself. Nooooo, you have to be in groups of 4 or more and march everywhere.
So one day during dinner, I start to feel that oh-so-familiar pressure in my belly and realize that I have got to go.....like, NOW. So I quickly turn in my tray and step outside to wait for 3 other guys to step outside so I can march across the street to the only latrine in the area.

My thoughts go something like this:
1) Damn, I'm hurting, I have got to go right now.
2) Can I get away with taking off and running for the john? Maybe.
3) If caught by a cadre member, not marching and all by myself, would it involve lengthy explanations about just what I was doing? Oh yeah.
4) Would said cadre member buy my excuse? Maybe.
5) If they don't, will this result in 1000's of push-ups, essays and other terrors? More than likely.
6) Risk assessment: I'm a grown man. I have willpower. Surely I can wait just a few more minutes.

So I wait, in pain. Ow.

Finally, a group gathers outside the chow hall and we start marching across the street. Just as we cross the street, I realize that, grown man or not and willpower be damned, this nightmare was going to happpen.

I take off running out of the formation and sprint for the HQ building (the only unlocked building with a latrine). As I enter the building, I'm unbelting my pants and heading for the stall. I DON'T QUITE MAKE IT.
Chocolate pudding filling my brown underwear (yes, they were brown to start with), I sit down and finish my business while contemplating my next move. I use the knive on my belt to cut off my underwear. No way I'm pulling those off. I then cut the bottom half of my t-shirt off to help with cleaning the mess out of my pants.
Finally, business is done and now the worst part. I still have class for another 2 hours. I do have spare uniforms but the barracks are locked. So, I screw up my courage. Pull up my damp pants to provide a semiproper appearance and head for the classroom to find the guy with the key, explain the need for getting into the barracks. He looks at me in disgust (screw him anyway) and surrenders the key. I throw my clothes into the washer, clean myself up, change, and head back to class.

Oh, the humanity.

[Badtz Maru]

Originally posted by aha
-story mentioning Taco Mayo

Do you live in Oklahoma? That was the last place I saw a Taco Mayo.

[Una Persson]

Well. I can see a common thread here, and that is the "I was hurting, but hilding it in, but was just 2 seconds too late..."

You see...the problem is, you are doing fine, keeping a vice-like grip on your bowels, but when the prospect of salvation from the intestinal Hell you are in appears, you lose your concentration...err, "grip".

Let me tell you a tale of two shits. One that was not disasterous, one that was. And no, I never have failed to cross the finish line, so to speak.

I was on a turboprop flight to a power plant once with a co-worker - one of those little ones, with no bathroom? On the way out, about 5 minutes into an hour and a half flight, the cramps start with no warning whatsoever. In a panic, I start to assess my options. There are none. My co-worker glumly informs me that the thing to do is to stuff USA Today into your panties as a massive pantyliner, so to speak, and that they have seen this done before. I do not choose that option, although I do grab every newspaper in sight, and bend over double, and concentrate. I enter a state of Zen-like calm, stating to myself again and again in my mind:

"I am an adult!"
"I will not do this!"
"I am in control!"
"Relaaaaxxxx...no, wait! I mean tighten!"

The flight is unbearable, the pain is so intense it makes me feel lightheaded. A couple times, I start to reach for the newspapers, but then I somehow overcome it. We finally land, on time thank Goddess, but THEN...I think "OK...you need to make it to the bathroom. You know where it is. Maintain control! Do not break concentration! So, contrary to what every primal urge in my brain was screaming, I walked slowly, steadily, still repeating my mantra "I am in control! I am in control!" And even in the stall, I maintained my physical and mental control, slowly removing clothing, carefully wiping down the seat, preparing. And then, finally, I made it. No muss, no fuss.

In the airport before the flight back, I had taken 3 Immodium to prevent potential atrocities (also ensuring that I would not need to go for another 2 weeks) and offered some to my co-worker. They refused, laughingly, saying they didn't need it.

About 20 minutes in the flight, my co-worker turned to me with a face that was ashen, and begged me for the pills. But they did not work, for it was far, far too late. I saw the newspapers go into the pants, and then a horrific smell filled the small cabin. It was monstrous. And we have never spoken of it again.

I have no idea what it was about that flight.

[Elenfair]

Hi, I'm Elly (Hi Elly!)... and I've shit in my pants...

Can't you all feel the *loooove* here?

Yeah, shit happens, doesn't it. I've had the sphincterdam break once... it wasn't pretty...

... I can't believe I'm doing this.

I was in church. Now, you have to understand, I never *go* to church... it was Christmas. I didn't have the heart to tell my grandma I was... recovering... from... well, the party of the night before. Never mix lots of coffee with booze and bran-based Christmas Cookie Treats...

Just like Zette's fart-gone-bad, I had the same expression on my face - first shock, then wonder, then the bitter realization...

I'm sure they could smell my yultide gift a few pews down. Oh, the humanity. Oh, the embarassement.

I kept telling myself that I could turn to the priest and say, "Your reading of the gospel was so boring that I shit in your general direction."

I feel your pain, Aha. We can start a support group.

E.

[Una Persson]

Another thought came to me, as I re-read my post. It seems that an appropriate book to read about using meditation to prevent anal disasters would be titled The Tao of Poo. ;)

[Vinnie Virginslayer]

I remember I was 16 and I went out on my very date ever. Of course, before I could take the girl out, I had to sit in the living room and meet the parents. You can imagine how uncomfortable that was.

So there I am, sweating, nervous as shit, trying to make small talk with Mom and Dad trying to convince them that I'm a good guy. Then . .the unthinkable happened:

A little gas.

So here I am a total nervous wreck and now I have intestinal pains to boot. Being totally nervous, it never occured to me to use the bathroom. I figured, we won't be here long, I can hold it in. But after about 15 minutes of this, I couldn't take it anymore . . .I couldn't help it, and I let out a little toot. Boy did it smell.

"KING!!!!!!!!!!" yells my dates Mom. I'm like. . .what the FUCK ? It was then that I noticed that there my date's family beagle was sitting right by my feet! She thought THE DOG LET OUT THE GAS!!!!

About 3 minutes later, were still talking, and I get another gas attack. The dog's still sitting there, so I think, what the hell, I expel more vapors . . .

"KING!!!!!!!!!" yeeeeeEEES!!! This dumb bitch actually thinks it's the stupid dog that is gassing out the entire living room!!! This is perfect . . .so I decide to let it out, and MAN did it feel great!!!

PPPPPPPPPPFFFFFFFFFFFWTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"godDAMMIT, KING!!!!!!!!!!" the mother yelled again . .
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
..
.
.
"GET OVER HERE BEFORE HE SHITS ON YOU!!!!!!"

[The Tof]

OK... I add my name to the shit list of fame. I too have shit myself...

While my story may not be as fantastic as some of the other tales... it happened at possibly one of the worst of possible times... Yes, that's right... On a Date!

Good god! Could things possibly have gone any worse that day. We were killing time in the mall before our movie... we stopped in the food court and were talking... we both had pops and were eating.. I believe.. Taco Time...

Anyway, the best way to describe this is Sneak Attack... Blitzkrieg of the bowels. No warning, no gut wrenching.. sitting there talking to a fine member of the opposite sex.. suddenly.. <BLOOP> Trying to keep a straight face and keep all your posture as you realize you desperately need to excuse yourself to the bathroom in the WORST POSSIBLE WAY! I was wearing jeans and boxers (and let me tell you.. boxers are the worst to wear in this situation.) I casually walked to the bathroom.. ran to a stall... and cleaned up. Jeans were fine, no showing. Threw the undies away in the mall bathroom.

We've now been seeing each other for 2 1/2 years.. I confessed what happened to her by now.. I can't believe she didn' tknow what happened then.

[Mudshark]

Originally Posted by Screeme
boxers are the worst to wear in this situation

Very true. It has no where to except down your leg.

[Pessor]

I'm going to take a dump in my nice clean bathroom after this thread... it just seems like I'm a fortunate guy like that!

[mouthbreather]

Originally posted by essvee
shitting in the can and puking in the tub is so declasse, people! really, the thing to do is to take off the top of the toilet tank and straddle the toilet backwards.

in certain circles, this is known as 'riding the detox pony.'

Dude, I never even considered that this could be done. You may have just changed my life.

[beckwall]

Anyone who has worked as a home health nurse in a rural area will relate to this question. Having to drive literally hundreds of miles just to see 3 or 4 patients a day, and when you get to their house it is a 5 star roach motel, so you don't even consider using the facilities. Then, later in the day, you realize something is on deck so you hightail it towards the nearest town/gas station/bail bonds place but alas, it is too late. Always keep new scrubs in your car, that is my motto. A good day is when you work 12 hours and you can stop to pee at McDonalds once.
Feh, I need a new career.

[tsarina]

The only time I remember pooping my pants is when I was about six and had diarrhea. All I really remember is that I was wearing dark blue underpants at the time and thought to myself, "Wow, you really can't see the stain!"

My boyfriend told me a funny poop story the other day: when he was about eight and living in India, he crapped all over himself one day at school. They made him go home, and when he got outside he tried to hail a rickshaw driver, but the dude took one whiff and wouldn't let him near his vehicle. So he had to go back into school and call his parents to pick him up. When they got there, they wouldn't let him sit down in the car, so he had to keep standing the whole ride home. When he got home, his parents were having a party and there was a ton of people over, so his mom took him into another room and gave him a few smacks while she changed his pants.

My mom pooped her pants one time, too. We were at Disney World and her sysytem wasn't reacting too well to the Norwegian food we'd eaten earlier. Luckily she had a washcloth with her and could use that.

(God, she'd KILL me if she knew this had gotten out...) :D

[saudade]

Hold on a sec!











Ok, I have too.

[Mudshark]

What the hell, here is my other "I am 15 years old and I just shit my pants" story. I was at the mall with some friends and one of them farted. Someone said that they could do better and tried to do so. Me, being who I am, said that I could do better than that procedes to fart. But there was more than a fart. Everyone hears the wer sploosh of liquid shit filling my boxers. Then, one of my friends procedes to kick me in the rear, wich caused me to lose control of my bowels again. I went to the mens room and spent the next half an hour on the toilet.

[The Big Cheese]

Only me ex-girlfriend and I know this one, until now.

We went on a mini-vacation for a long weekend. Had a great brunch of eggs, and some other things. I mention the eggs because I think that's what caused us to get food poisoning. After about a day I threw up, seemed to me to be everything I had eaten for two days. I got sick a few more times. Then the diarhea hit.

Diarhea or vomiting don't care what time it is. 3:00am rolls around and that sip of water I had a few hours prior to wash my mouth out wasn't sitting right. I got up to throw up the water and maybe some other stuff, I was vomiting for a while. Then the diarhea hit while I was throwing up, and there was nothing I could do to stop it. Yep, vomiting and shitting my underwear at the same time. Expelling at both ends on my knees at 3:00 am with my new (now ex-)girlfriend 3 feet away in bed.

I felt so helpless, so beaten, so small.

[Soul Brother Number Two]

mouthbreather, entirely my pleasure.

[OpalCat]

Regarding the shit-in-the-toilet-vomit-in-the-tub routine... what, do none of you people have trash cans in your bathrooms???

[Rysdad]

Yes, but have you ever witnessed one?

It was the fall of 1969. I was in 10th grade. My buddy John and I secured a case of Pfeiffer...the cheapest beer ever ($7.00 for three cases with empties). We drank a half a case each, got roaring drunk, and decided on hot dago sandwiches (extra peppers)for a night cap. We take these back to his house, consume them, and pass out.

Fast forward a few hours. I wake up thirsty as hell. I get up to get some water and see John, in his underwear, asleep on the couch. As I walk by, I hear something like, "Blurggle blorp glorp plup plup." John has just dumped a doo doo in his BVDs.

I left.

[Enola Straight]

Whoa, mama! Have I got one for you!

A few years ago, at work, I had 2 hamburgers for lunch.
They must've been bad meat, cuz by 8:00PM I was sick.

Tired, weak, and queazy, I asked for an early-out.

On the bus home, it hit me...HARD.

I ran up to the bus driver and asked/begged/COMMANDED him to open the door so I could blow chunks.
He tells me"I cannot open the door while the vehicle is in motion."

"If you don't open this fuckin' door RIGHT NOW I am gonna puke all over your dashboard!", I screamed at him.

At 35MPH the door opens, and I hurl technicolor all over a passing cadillac, and pass a MASSIVE hershey squirt in my
work pants.
Very hot, wet, slimy bile, passed from both ends, simultaneously.

HEAVE/SQUIRT
HEAVE/SQUIRT
Heave/squirt
heave/squirt

heave/squirt

heave/squirt






heave/squirt





OHHHHH-MAN, I had completely emptied myself, ON myself.
As soon as the bus stopped, I got off without a word and walked the rest of the way home...I was not about to look anybody in the eye.

The seat of my pants were saturated, and felt the liquid
shit drip down both legs, to my ankles.

I made it to my back door a half an our later, feeling my thighs chafe, and stripped naked in the darkness, lest I drip a trail over the new rugs (not an easy feat in 45 F degree weather).

Wiping myself off the best I could with my unsoiled t-shirt,
I left my clothes on the back borch and went inside to take a shower for half an hour.

Though I was empty, I still had dry-heaves all night long.

Good thing I had the next 2 days off.

[Osip]

Originally posted by woodstockbirdybird

On a related note, once when I was stationed in Alabama I went out to a club (the only "alternative" club in Huntsville) with a friend of mine, Chris. We met some women and danced and got drunk, and after one too many Mind Erasers I felt the need to vomit. I went into the restroom and puked, then discovered that I had to take a crap (diarrhea would be more accurate), so I turned over and took care of business from the other end, then puked again, turned around, etc., until finally I was so far gone I just sat there with my face buried in the toilet bowl, my pants around my ankles, a thin trickle of poo dripping down my ass crack. Well, Chris came in to look for me, climbed over the top of the stall, saw me, and said "Jesus Christ, John, you're pathetic!" He then proceeded to bring the girls we met in to show them, as well as half the guys in the club and anybody from our unit who was present. All I could do was weakly protest, "Chris, get out.." while he loudly berated me with "Get up, you drunk!" and "Look at him! Have you ever seen anything so pathetic?" Ah, such compassionate friends I've had. I'm truly blessed.
Sweet Christ, I hated the Army.

Holy Cow that was YOU!! Damn... I have heard that story.. crap I have friends who was there. You poor bastard. To make matters worse I do believe pictures were taken of that night. :)

[Shirley Ujest]

Raising Hand


When I was 6 months pregnant with my son, it was after Christmas and New Year's and one of the charming thrills of being pregnant is constipation. Considering my pregnancies are a walk in the park, I'll take being corked up.

I had not gone poop in least a week (If not 10 days) and hadn't even noticed it. (OK, maybe I was a little crabby.)

It's the end of the work day. I have a 45 minute drive home and I mentally ask myself "Do I have to go to the bathroom."
My bladder and colon check in with negative responses and I Hit the road.

The second I am on the highway, the urge to poop starts, very lightly and "I figure, no problem, Six exits and then twenty minutes from there. I can make it home."

Naturally, I hit a traffic jam and by the time that clears up - about 30 v-e-r-y l-o-n-g minutes, I am in tears ( me, in tears? I didn't even cry in labor.) and trying to figure out what exit has the closest fast food place for me to get to from the exit. Answer: MY exit, which is still 5 away, which seems like a mirage in the desert by then.

I figure if I just fart it will take some of the pressure off.....nope, I just pooped my pants while driving and the pressure got worse. LOVELY. I had a All that Christmas and New Year's binge eating food just waiting to come out. Oh Joy. Several more little toots, same result. "Thank god for leather seats"

I cannot hear the music on the radio I am clenching my teeth so hard.

By the time I made it to McDonalds: The Rest Stop Of The Nation TM I wobble into the restroom do my business, which took probably a half hour and I will say this proudly that:

A)It was without parallel, the best poop of my life

B) It was the most I've ever pooped

C) I left my underpants (which being pregnant, I was wearing my husband's underwear rather than buy ugly yucky maternity stuff) in the trash there ( which is the second time I've done that at McDonalds (the other time was a "That Time Of The Month" incident which I don't think I need to go into details for that, but how is that for a visual?)

[Flamsterette_X]

Rysdad, it's all your fault... I just had to post how much I was laughing over this:

I get up to get some water and see John, in his underwear, asleep on the couch. As I walk by, I hear something like, "Blurggle blorp glorp plup plup." John has just dumped a doo doo in his BVDs.

Those sound effects just KILLED me!

And to answer the question, yes..

I was doing my paper route, and felt the urge to do the inevitable.. I thought I'd have enough time to get home, so I didn't ask anyone if I could use their washroom. Bad idea.

As soon as I walked in the door, clenching my buttcheeks all the way home, I let loose.. running all the way to the upstairs bathroom, I noticed that I had left little brown stains on the stairs. Of course, I didn't want to clean them up right away (having more pressing matters to deal with), so I ran to the bathroom and locked the door shut. Yup, there it was, down my leg and my pants too.. to say nothing of how my underwear looked! :eek:

My mom and sister came home a while later (I was still in the bathroom), and I could hear my sister saying: "What is that smell? Is it POO?!?" I swear I'm as immature as Zette is, in that I seem to find toilet humo, poo, farts, etc. funny.. so I naturally started laughing! Okay, so it wasn't very funny, but that my gut reaction! (no pun intended)

Oh, the humiliation! Unfortunately, I hadn't finished my paper route yet, and my sibs weren't willing to finish it for me (boy, was I ever :mad: at them); having to wear a large adult diaper is NOT fun! (I took at least one or two Immodium before I perforce went out to finish my paper route)

P.S. You can still see minor poop stains on the bottom stairs if you look closely. (they're grey carpeted stairs, so I guess that was better than white steps..)

Now, why am I hitting "Submit"?

[joemama24_98]

The best story my dad ever told me:

While in the Air Force stationed over in Germany him and several buddies were coming home from a long night of drinking. One of his friends begs to be let out of the car (a VW Beetle) on the way home so he can take care of business by the side of the road.

They stop, let him out, and after waiting several minutes, manuever the car so that the headlights are shining on this guy so they can hassle him for taking so long.

They catch him in process, so to speak, crouched with his pants around his ankles, squeezing a chocolate turtle out. However, he's so drunk he doesn't realize that he's not bent over far enough. The turd ends up in his pants, which he promptly pulls up and buckles without even noticing!

They didn't let him back in the car.

[lieu]

I don't remember having fudged my shorts since I was about six. I shit during spelling one morning and after incubating it like a rotton egg all day in my little chair it was flattened in back and pressed into a long triangle between my butt cheeks so that it looked like a big Toblerone bar. The Susy Bake Oven that was my pants had made it hard as a rock by the time I got home and I'm sure that given a skateboard, it probably would have made a pretty decent ramp.

[Survey1215]

Nope, but I came reeeeeeeeeeeeeal close last night, shortly after dinner (teriyaki chicken) while mowing the lawn. Didn't even have time to sit on the toilet before the par-tay started - fortunately, my aim was true and the splattering was kept to a minimum.

My apologies if any of that is TMI.

[scout1222]

I will never eat Toblerone again.

[Quasimodem]

Originally posted by lieu
I don't remember having fudged my shorts since I was about six. I shit during spelling one morning and after incubating it like a rotton egg all day in my little chair it was flattened in back and pressed into a long triangle between my butt cheeks so that it looked like a big Toblerone bar. The Susy Bake Oven that was my pants had made it hard as a rock by the time I got home and I'm sure that given a skateboard, it probably would have made a pretty decent ramp.

Damn! That man can WRITE!!!! :D

Great visuals, as always, lieu!

Quasi

[The Big Cheese]

Yup, Yup.

My then g/f and I went away for our first vacation together. We went out for a brunch the first morning, and we proceeded to get food poisoning. It didn't hit until the next day, but I was a heaving real good. Up every half hour or so.

She's in one bed, I'm in the other. About 3 I need to purge again. So here I am, throwing up everything I've eaten for the last 2 days and I feel the need to purge from the other end too, diarhea decided to make an appearance. I can't exactly stop and turn around, so I do the ole' cheek squeeze. Works good for about 2 seconds-my mind was elsewhere. I just couldn't keep the cheeks together anymore and all of sudden it starts coming out the back end and I know there is nothing I can do to stop it. So here I am thowing up and shitting my underpants and I have never felt so low in my life-emitting from both ends and no way to stop it. This seemed to go on forever, and all I can think of is 'this is a wonderful way to impress my g/f'. I finally stop, wash my mouth out good enough, and then stop and think what the hell I'm gonna do with my soiled underpants. It wasn't just a little bit, it was a load! So I take them off and I start to wash them in the shower. I didn't want to make too much noise, and it was a hopeless cause anyway, so I decide to just bury them in some toilet paper and hide them in the little wastebasket they put in the bathroom. Wipe my ass a bit, and then go back to bed.

She wakes up in the morning (she claims she didn't hear me, I can't believe that) and asks where my underpants are. I say "You don't want to know". I finally spilled the beans, so to speak, so humiliated.

[Caricci]

I have an "almost" story to tell. On one of our family's many Providence to Long Island car trips we stopped along I-95 to eat lunch at McDonalds. Well, since my gallbladder surgery, eating McDonald's has always been a risky proposition. It was a chance I shouldn't have taken that day because no sooner had we gotten on the road, me behind the wheel, than the cramps began. I am not sure if the rest stop where we ate was the last one, but there wasn't another one right away. To add to the fun, I was a very inexperienced highway driver at the time. Luckily I saw a sign for Trumbull, CT and the Trumbull Mall fairly soon after the pain began and, even more luckily, I was able to get over and I found the mall, ran into Lord and Taylor, found the bathroom and did what needed to be done. Thank God, because I don't know what's more embarrassing, shitting my pants in front of my husband or telling him what size pants to go in and buy for me.

To this day, I refer to that episode as the rumble in Trumbull.

[Reinhold Messner]

Just once. I promised myself that I'd never mention it to another, but yes. I was in high school, and I had the flu. Ugh.

[Pablito]

It's called 'Montezuma's Revenge," though I don't think that's politically correct these days. And yes, it does happen to real live grownups.

My brief story of shame:
I was with four friends, all of us in our mid- to late-20's, visiting Guatemala for a couple of weeks. During our short stay there, the large majority of us (read: 4 out of 5 of us at least admitted to it) suffered from sudden, lightning fast attacks of diarrhea and cramping so insistent that we crapped our pants.
Until that moist, embarrassing, cramping moment, I would have firmly agreed with anyone who claimed that this doesn't happen to 'adults'.
I had also thought that only my bladder was capable of emitting such a large quantity of pure fluid.
If scientists could harness the force behind the gasses and urges that ripped their way out of our butts, we would have each been able to power a major city for several hours.

Alas, 'hind-sight,' so to speak, is 20:20.

[Pablito]

I left out a vital detail to our collective trauma--
It was not like we were a long way from the bathroom when the first signs of 'trouble' begain. Two of the party even made their messes while in our hotel room, with the bathroom, merely a few feet away down the hallway, not nearly close enough to do any good.

[Gazelle]

I am one of those rare and delicate flowers known as a woman who admits she has gas from time to time. Now I will also reveal the tantalizing and alluring fact that I have indeed shit my pants.

One time when I was about 23 I had been sick for a couple of days and finally felt well enough to go to work. I was about to leave the house when I had some gas pressure and thought I'd squeeze it out. Unfortunately, I had diahrreah right down my pants leg.

Needless to say, I did not go to work.

Yech.

[lieu]

Awww Canthe, that's so sweet.

Reading this shit just has me in stitches so I hope nobody will complain if it's resurrected after 4 months.

Somebody mentioned observing a pant crapping earlier and reminded me of an incident I was an unwilling participant in several years ago.

I've the coolest hippie friend who lives out in Van Horn in the middle of the desert with his folks, even though he's my age. I'd gone out to visit him and their home is this lush oasis in the middle of boulders and cactus. We were sitting under the arbor one night tilting a few when he excused himself to move a water hose. I didn't see him again for about 30 minutes.

He finally comes back and I notice that his shorts and shirt are a different color. "You won't believe what happened" he says. "Wanna bet?" say I.

Charlie took me up to the lit carport next to the house. Walking up I suddenly froze in my tracks. The stench of shit was ubiquitous. I look and there's a trail of brown spots leading up to the door. Flurk. It's like some CSI plot... you can read the story by the clues he left. Seems he got the craps while he was working, the normally telltale sensation of impending doom apparently deadened or postponed by our beer consumption. Charlie had run for the door with turds spilling out his shorts. He'd flung open the screen door but apparently couldn't wait anymore or was scared he was also going to spill more turds in the kitchen. So he dropped his crappy pants and squatted by the back door. Man, how'd you like to have opened the door to that? So he finishes launching his sea pickle, takes off his pants and goes to find a shovel, only he doesn't hear the screen door slam. Looking back, there's his poo holding open the screen door.

By the time I get there with him, 30 fucking minutes later, there's brown pit stains across the poop port and this sweeping poopswipe where the door hit the shit. About this time his mom walks out.

"Charlie, what happened out here?" she says. I mean the stench is atrocious. "Uuuh... lieu spilled something out of his cooler." Yeah, like I keep poop in my cooler. "Sorry" I said, and added that I really really hoped this didn't happen agagin.

[crazy4chaucer]

This is the funniest thread I've ever read! I've been laughing hysterically, hoping the Dean doesn't pick today for one of his surprise visits.

It also brought to mind my story. When I was about 9 years old, my family and I were on a road trip. We'd been visiting my grandparents and were headed back home. My mother, a health food nut, gave us raisins to snack on in the car.

While we were still about 2 or 3 hours from home, they made a pit stop for coffee and left us kids in the car. My brother was 6, and my sister was 2. Anyway, we were all kind of snoozing, and I woke up to find that I'd had a horrible diarrhea attack. I was wearing a long calico dress that my mother had made for me, and bawled as I got out of the car and went into the restaurant to try to find my parents so my mom could help me clean up.

I just told my sister about it, and we were laughing so hard that I peed my pants. My humiliation is indeed complete.

[D_Odds]

Timely resurrection; I almost started a thread yesterday on the subject.

I went out to get a haircut at lunchtime. No problem, feeling fine. Get my haircut and start to walk back to the office (about 15 minutes). I wanted to do some window shopping while out as I rarely go out at lunch, and downtown NYC was in the midst of its tax-free days.

The first pang hit. Nothing serious, but annoying. I cut window shopping short and start the trek back. Five minutes into the walk it starts getting worse...much worse. Bad enough to start considering a public bathroom if there were such a thing in NYC. I pick up the pace, but get slowed down by the WTC gawkers (it's just a big hole now, there's nothing to look at, so why they keep filing in is beyond me). Getting worse every step. Cheeks are clenched tight as a vice. I would have run, but I couldn't keep them together then. I barely made it into the office and into a bathroom. Had to contend with diarrhea the rest of the afternoon, which I think was caused by backing it up while I made it to the bathroom.

[XCchick22]

Wow I've done this so many times that it's not even funny. Luckily though, most of them have been at home, but I'll start with the worst one.

I was about 6 years old and was really constipated. For some reason I was always plugged up as a kid. Anyway, I hadn't gone in a good 10 days and I was in so much pain on this particular day that I didn't go to school, instead I went with my mom to work. That whole day my mom was supposed to be training some new employees at the bank she worked at, so I had just been sitting in her office the entire day. Suddenly that all too familiar urge hit me. For some reason I decided that I would just hold it in, instead of walking 40 ft to the bathroom. Well I couldn't hold it in. It wasn't diarrhea, it was just a big, hard turd. It looked like I had a potato shoved in my shorts. So I decided that I was going to need my mom's help and crawled into her meeting, poop still in pants. She told her class to take a break and we went to the bathroom. We just plopped that turd right out into the toilet and I finished my business, thereby clogging up the toilet. On my mom's lunch break we had to drive to my grandparent's house (they were out of town otherwise I would've stayed there) to get some new undies. We went back and the same thing happened, and I clogged the other toilet. I should mention that this was the only women's bathroom in the builing and it only had the two aforementioned stalls. We ended up sticking an "Out of Order" sign on the door.

My other pant-shitting experiences have all been Foops (you try to fart but you poop). I've done this countless times yet I'm always surprised. In fact, I just shat myself the other day. The only reason this hasn't happened in public yet is that I use all my willpower to not fart around anyone else.

If anyone ever starts an "Ever pee your pants?" thread I'll have plenty stories for in there as well.

[racer72]

I am lactose intolerant and suffer from irritable bowel syndrome. There have been times I have considered Depends because it is so bad. Some of the most memorable include:

1. A near miss. Western Washington Fair in Puyallup. Shouldn't have done but ate large ice cream cone. Within minutes, I was looking for the nearest facilities. I ran in, pulled down my pants just in time to explode all over the wall and the back of the commode. What made it more startling, it was bright green too. While cleaning up, someone went into the stall next to me and saw the mess running in his direction to a floor drain. He called out "You okay buddy?"

2. Half and half. My wife and I were returning home from a day of Christmas shopping. The urge suddenly hit and we were at least 2 miles from the nearest rest room. I squeezed as hard as I could but it started to escape. I pulled over to the side of the freeway (in a remote area), went to the passenger side of my truck, dropped my drawers and let fly. I estimated the initial blast projected my poo at least 12 to 15 feet. I keep a roll of TP and some baby wipes in my truck and was able to clean up fairly well except my drawers and pants were wasted. I took them off, put them in the back of the truck, and had my wife drive the rest of the way home. I sat in the passenger seat bottomless. A few days later I drove by the same spot and notice the state had a road cleaning crew through since my misfortune. The pile of TP and wipes I had left along side the road was gone.

3. A full boat. Over a period of a few days, I had taken many Imodium to control the IRB. I was then plugged up for a couple of days. I was running errands and stopped my a small drive in restaurant for lunch. They had root beer milkshakes. I love root beer milkshakes. I drank a root beer milkshake. An hour later a sharp pain ran through my lower extremities. The pressure started and became almost unbearable. While sitting at a red light, I tried to relieve some of the pressure. I had been plugged up pretty good so I figure I could relieve some of the pressure without fear of crapping myself. I leaned onto my right butt cheek, gave a gentle squeeze, and blew off some of the pressure. Just as I sat upright, the pressure hit again only twice as bad. I leaned again, a little gas escaped, the light turned green, BOOM, my pants were full. I tried to go but my truck stalled when I let out the clutch. The smell was a combination of methane, natural gas, and sewer gas. The guy behind me started honking his horn and I was trying to start my truck. I got the car going and pulled into a parking lot. The smell then got to me, I threw open the door to my car and barfed all over the parking lot

. I pulled behind a gas station, took off my pants, through away my undies and cleaned myself with a new chamois cloth I had bought earlier. I went by that spot a few while later and saw something rather disgusting. Scroll below to read, it is TMI.










































































A dog was eating the barf..................while the dog's owner stood by holding his leash.

[Baker]

As I've said before, I used to think I had a sense of humor that appreciated sophisticated wordplay, inside jokes, and so on. So why is it that my favorite threads are the toilet humor ones? I have been "squirting" tears as I am doubled over the keyboard, laughing.

[lieu]

I was coming back on a double date one Sunday on I-35, a little ways north of Austin. Busy busy highway. The other guy was an offensive lineman for our college, great big funny guy with a little bitty date, you know the type. I'm driving and looking in my mirror I see that he's broken out in a sweat.

"Hey lieu, pull over, I've gotta shit" he says. Our dates start to laugh and he says "No, I mean it." He didn't want me to find a gas station, he moves towards the door and say "Now!"

I whip over to the shoulder and he explodes out the car. Doug doesn't even make it to the access road, he just pulls his pants down about 15 feet behind our car in the ditch, grabs his ass cheeks with bath hands, squats over and all of a sudden there's this unattended firehose coming out his ass. It went on forever and ever and then it looked like someone was throwing dirt clods out his butt. Freakin bizarre. His pile must have looked like spaghetti and meatballs. The whole time he's grimacing like he's in pain and we hear him going "Uuuunnnnnnaaaahhhhh... uuunnnnaaahhhhhhh... hhhhnnnnnnnaaahhhhh"

We're all three looking back at him and laughing our asses off and he's waddling over to us so he can get some newspaper and wipe himself up. He was facing us, which gave all the approaching cars a bird's eye view of his defecation. They all started honking and I was really surprised when we left not to find just a whole bunch of barf up the road.

[scout1222]

Oh, lieu, that's a howler! I'm picturing him with his hands on his cheeks, and I'm holding back tears.

What a nightmare!

I'm thankful to say that I have restrained myself from crapping my pants since the last time this thread was resurrected.

:: crosses fingers ::

[lieu]

Scout, I've missed you and Cranky so! Even though I'm 6'1" and 210, I still giggle like a schoolgirl when I think about your "poof".

Actually, anybody that can laugh at poo is okay in my book. It's like it's God's way of saying telling us mortals "Don't take yourself too seriously." Damn good advice!

[lieu]

Scout, I've missed you and Cranky so! Even though I'm 6'1" and 210, I still giggle like a schoolgirl when I think about your "poof".

Actually, anybody that can laugh at poo is okay in my book. It's like it's God's way of saying telling us mortals "Don't take yourself too seriously." Damn good advice!

Doug's hands were centering his anus like a really bad picture frame. Those poor travellers coming up from behind must have thought they were getting shot at by some kind of pioneer musket or something.

[/\/\etalhea|)]

Ok, this is an "almost" story, but quite memorable to me.

I'm part of the "in" crowd at a local strip club. It's a long story, but most of my female friends are strippers or have been, and I usually don't pay for much at the club. So, one night I'm hanging with some friends, really not trying for anything, just chillin'. For some unexplained reason, the best dancer in the club, I mean THE dancer, little pixie-ish blond with a perfect body, top earner of all the dancers, decides tonite's my night. She's all over me like a cheap suit. She goes up to dance her next-to-last set and tells her roomate to give me directions to their apartment. She does, and the girl comes back and tells me to meet at 4am her after the club closes and to keep it quiet since the manager frowns on this sort of thing.

No problem, I think, I'll just leave early (I ususally hang until after the doors are locked) and go sit in a parking lot or something near her place. Who cares, I'm gonna get laid and laid well!!

I leave, and I'm just driving around caling my best friend on the cell and waking him up (it's 3am) and telling him about my good fortune. I realize I'm out of gum and I wanna have nice fresh breath, so I cruise into a grocery store about a block from her apartment to get some gum. It's 3:30ish, the store is deserted, all the guys are stocking the shelves, nobody is near the cash registers and I have to wait forever for them to come up and take my money. I leave, cruise up to her place, she's not there yet, I chill and listen to the radio. 3:45, I suddenly feel the godawfulest shit pains of my life. I don't know if it was nerves or what, but I went from zero to shitsy in about 5 seconds. I lock down all exits, the sweating starts, and I'm scared shitless (shitful?) that this girl is gonna pull up any second. Can you imagine that? "Hey babe, can I use your bathroom before we fuck?" No way am I about to let this happen.

I start the car and peel outta there. The only thing I can figure is maybe the grocery store where I got the gum. I don't go there often, it's not near my house or anything, and I can't remember if it's one of those that has public restrooms up front or not.

I get there, brisk walk inside, oh damn no toilet in front. I try to covertly make my way to the back without anyone seeing me. After all, wasn't I the guy who was just in here yelling for someone to take my money for one lousy pack of gum?

I get to the back, no obvious toilet there either. But there is that little set of swinging doors and you KNOW they have one back there for themselves. By this time, it's point of no return, I say fuck it and sneak into customer-forbidden territory. Sure enough there it is. I get in and run to the handicapped stall. Closing the door, unbuckling, unzipping and sitting down are all one fluid motion.

Ever see that movie American Pie? When the guy grabs both sides of the pot and hangs on for dear life? It was like that!

I did an extra-good job of cleaning up. I felt like a new man when I walked outta there. I'm sure the stocker-guys were completely puzzled as I breezed past them on my way out.

I went back and, wouldn't you know it, she was late. By the time she showed up, I could have driven all the way to my house, took care of business, showered and changed clothes and driven back. Strippers never get anywhere on time!

Oh but it was worth the wait! She was a goddess!

[japatlgt]

Yep. 3rd grade. On the playground. Mrs. Martin wouldn't excuse me to go to the restroom. I honestly believe she didn't realize it was an emergency but she understood quite clearly on my second pass. I smelled like a giant steaming bag of doo-doo (which I was). Mom was displeased.

[flacojones]

you guys are killing me! Especially lieu. I haven't laughed so hard in a long time.

I have shit my pants on many occasions but two really stand out in my mind. The more recent episode was on a romantic walk with my then girlfriend after a great meal. Why did I eat a salad? I KNOW they always "speed things up." So why? :smack: Once we had walked far enough from any acceptable receptacle my bowels launched their mutiny. My belly was engulfed in that all too familiar ice-cold grip that sneers at human willpower. I had the sense to fess up right away and we started back towards civilization. I knew in my heart it was hopeless. Before we had taken 50 paces the barbarians were breaching the gate. Suffice it to say my colon dealt my sphincter a SPECTACULAR defeat. My underwear couldn't hope to contain the steaming brown tide cascading down my legs. Not bad for our 4th date! :D

Anyway-she took me home and even offered to clean my pants out while I showered! I proposed a few months later and we will be married in May. No lie.

I didn't actually shit my pants for my second story but this is a good time to tell it. I was driving through the Arizona desert in the middle of the night. I recommend everyone do this once before you die-the stars and meteors are AMAZING. Imagine my panic when I felt that horrible twinge right below my navel. I could practically HEAR my bowels chuckling sadistically. But fortune smiled on me for once and I came across a little gas stop/convenience store in the middle of nowhere. I go in and ask for the key to the bathroom. (How thoughtful of the proprietors to lock the friggin thing!) The clerk won't give me the key until I buy something. :mad: No sympathy when I tell him my wallet's in the car and I'll buy a coke when I come out. I was dumbfounded. I turned around and went out, knowing I had mere seconds to come up with something. I dropped my pants right in front of his glass door and started spraying a vile greasy stream of hot stink-juice all over his door, his parking lot, the locked bathroom door and anything else within range.

Got a roll of Bounty from my car, wiped my ass, tossed the paper towel in the trash and resumed my journey feeling pretty damn good. :p

-Flaco

[Knowed Out]

OK. I kept ignoring this thread. But now I can't. I must join the crowd. I am a fellow short shitter.

This happened a few years ago. I play disc golf, which involves throwing heavier & smaller frisbee dics at chain baskets. The courses are usually constructed around public parks.

Me and my friend James go to a Taco Bell before heading out to this one course called Cedar Hills. I had the grease burrito with sour cream and a side of grease.

On about the 10th hole, I feel that rumble. It's OK, I think. We're getting close to a public restroom and I'll just take a pit stop there. It's my turn to tee off. I take a few steps and throw, and as I lift my leg in the air, I feel a little squib leak out and start to creep down my ass like a slug.

I tell James I have to find that restroom. I started walking, and as I do, the rumbling increases as more poo is trying to work its way out. At that moment I clench my ass cheeks as tight as possible and take baby steps all the way to the restroom, which is 4 holes away and up a hill. Babysteps. Babysteps. Babysteps.

I finally get there, and think OMG what if it's locked??? I couldn't tell right away because the doors were on the other side of the building from me. Just a few steps really, but it seemed like it'd take hours to get there.

Fortunately, it wasn't locked. I babystep in there, and the stall is on the right side, so I quickly duck and attempt "The Move." "The Move" of course is the attempt to pull down pants and underwear in one fluid (so to speak) motion while sitting down. Unfortunately for me, in that 1/4 of a second it took for my ass to contact the top of the toilet, my butt cheeks unclenched and projectile poo sprayed out and splashed the wall behind me as I was sitting down.

The poo had gotten in my hair, my shorts, my shirt, my shoes, and somehow on my belt and socks too! So, resigned to my fate, I empty ot the rest of my colon as best I can and discover there's no paper! I had no choice but to wipe with my already considerably soiled underwear and leave it in the john.

I go to wash up, but the sink wasn't working, so I went over to the ladies room and shouted EMERGENCY! Luckily, there was nobody there, and THEY HAD WATER AND PAPER! So I cleaned up best I could and walked back over to where James was and told him we had to go.

I drove, and stunk so bad James had to hang his head out the window all the way back. I told him all the sordid details of what happened, and he kept hollering SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! I told him I got shit on my belt buckle and he said SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!

We get back home, and my roommate has a bunch of our friends over. I try to sneak the back way to my bedroom and bathroom, but of course while I'm showering James tells them everything. When I came out, they kept making smartass comments about how they weren't going to give me any shit about what happened.

[EchoKitty]

Oh...my...gawd. This is the funniest thread in the history of intestinal trauma! I'm sitting here at work laughing out loud, and I can't even tell the co-workers why!

This story happened to my dad when he was a kid. The teacher had the class marching in a circle and playing little cymbols and other percussion instruments. So they're marching and playing, marching and playing, and suddenly my dad is doing step-step-step-slide, step-step -step-slide. He looks down, and the kid in front of him shit his pants and my dad was slipping in it. The kid never missed a step! Just kept shittin' and marchin'...shittin' and marchin'.

[chaparralv8]

I haven't only because I had the presence of mind to realize that nothing bad will happen if you pull off an interstate highway and go all over the soft shoulder.

[Binarydrone]

I once shit my pants at the unholy spectacle of a years old zombie thread denied its rest. Man that was a hoot. :p

[LindyHopper]

Aaahhh! Zombie!

[LindyHopper]

Darn you, Binarydrone!

[Bippy the Beardless]

I am sorry!:o I am sorry!:o I am sorry!:o I am sorry!:o I am sorry!:o I am sorry!:o I am sorry!:o I am sorry!:o I am sorry!:o I am sorry!:o I am sorry!:o I am sorry!:o I am sorry!:o I am sorry!:o

Aha: Please acknowledge my apology, or I will be forced to repeat this ad nauseum and take up precious band width!

Thanks,

Quasi
Don't shit yourself dude.

I've had pancreatitis, and my gal bladder removed, nuff said :(

(Immodium is my friend)

[Lamar Mundane]

Man, this thread was started in 2001? It seems like it was just a year or so ago. I've been here too long.

[ccwaterback]

The OP could have been ...

You ever drink lots of beer over long periods of time?

[sulamith]

Ah, the misty toilet-water memories...
This was one of the first threads I ever read on the Dope.

And now, after all these months of reading threads and confessions of the most personal nature imaginable, I can finally feel safe enough admit it. Yes, it happened to me, but just once, thank you!

Let's just say you shouldn't eat a big bowl of oatmeal and then go for a two mile walk on the beach unless you want to hobble the last mile of the return trip home with a mushy brown cucumber between your ass cheeks.

The worst part isn't cleaning up yourself, either. It's dealing with the mess in your clothes. I myself decided it was way too much hassle, which led to the decision that that particular pair of undies and shorts was disposable. Into the trash they went!

[Ponder Stibbons]

Man, why are people always bringin' up old shit?

[Tomcat]

No. Why would I shit my pants? I'm a grown up, I hold it in. DUDE, you shit your pants?!?!?!?! :D

**points**

Thanks for the laugh!

-Tcat

[The Big Cheese]

Yes, it has happened--but it wasn't my fault!

Went to Wisconsin Dells for a winter weekend getaway at an indoor waterpark. Went to brunch, off-season brunch, not much food rotation. Had lots of eggs. Methinks some of the eggs were bad.

Later, we're lying on the bed and I'm feeling reallll bad. Threw up, and then again, and then again. Oh yah, food poisoning. Went to bed.

Nighttime: About 3am, had to go throw up again. Went in, and started to do it again.....meanwhile, the diarhea hits with a vengeance. Couldn't keep it in, didn't really care at that time.

My most humbling experience: So here it comes....I couldn't stop it if I tried. Out of the mouth, and to add insult to injury it starts evacuating from the ass. Both ends at the same time. Couldn't stop either one, just kneeled there, wondering what I did wrong in a previous life.

aftermath: So I finally finish up on both ends. wash the mouth out. Take a look at the underpants.....they're salvageable. Try washing them, nope, forget it. It ain't worth it. Hide them from the gf(now ex-gf) in the bottom of the trashcan.

She asked later what happened to my underpants. I said 'you don't want to know'. She asked again, I repeated.

[ccwaterback]

The OP could have been ...

You ever drink lots of beer over long periods of time?

Or ...

Ever sneeze after drinking a quart of orange juice?

[Savannah]

It's the surprise factor that's so horrific in these experiences. Defecation urges should always come with 20-minute warning signals.

[feppytweed]

Ever sneeze after drinking a quart of orange juice?

Funniest Line Ever

[DilingerDobie]

I must say, I REALLY am GROWING OLD:rolleyes:

Today was the second time I"ve 'lightly' crapped my pants within a 3 month period.

What I THOUGHT was going to be expulsion of flatus, turned out to be a little more than that..I won't go into details, as I don't want to sicken anyone.

Fortunately, everything, cleaned up nicely.
I'm just wondering why this has happened so frequently as of late.
The last time I remember ANYTHING like this happening, was when I was a little kid, playing in the backyard, and I guess I got too busy playing, and filled my drawers..
I remember having to tell my Mom about it, and how embarrassed I was.

I guess those 'incontinent ' supplies will be coming in handy.

So far, I haven't 'peed' myself, but at 56, it should be happening any time now.

I [I]used [I to be house broken, as my mother "Collie" did an excellent job training me. I don't know what happened. Just getting old I expect.


Dilingerdobie

[Ambivalid]

I don't know how many of you guys here are regular work-out fans but is anyone out there familiar with a pre-workout product called "N.O.-Explode"?

If you are familiar with it, I need not say anything more. If your not, I'll put it this way...It's not just your energy that's going to be "exploding" :(

[rhubarbarin]

I've never dumped a full load or a solid turd, but as someone with IBS I've mistaken a blurt of liquid/muscus-y shit for a fart, many times. No shame here and I don't think it's funny, either. No big deal.

[PlainJain]

I haven't but I did want to say I got a chuckle out of the OP and the username combo.

[johnpost]

this is the turd that wouldn't die.

[TreacherousCretin]

As child:

Second Grade. 7 years old. Became aware of the impending event, asked for the appropriate permission, walked down the hall, entering the stall when I ran out of time. Dropped my drawers, wiped off as best I could with those ridiculous little one-at-a-time squares of budget toilet paper, went back to class hoping for the best. Within five minutes the kid in front of me (who shall remain nameless)* raised his hand and said "It smells like somebody went to the bathroom."
Sister Dominica asked who dunnit, I got up, said "it just came out", walked back to the bathroom, and waited in the stall. THANK GOD I was too young to be embarrassed. A quick visit from the nun to appraise the situation, and a little while later my mom was there to take me home and hose me off.


As an adult:

Never, but I once went through a few years suffering with irritable bowel syndrome, and had two or three VERY close calls.





* Ernie Schneider (who I remained friends with all the way through High School. I sometimes referred to him as the fink who turned me in for shitting my pants.)

[Yorikke]

George Brett has (http://m.youtube.com/index?desktop_uri=%2F&gl=US#/watch?v=y6hu4aLXv7U).

Joe

[Mahaloth]

We need a new thread for this topic. This one is 10 years old.

[SSgtBaloo]

Been there, done that, would have the tee-shirt but it got soiled, too. The worst case of the demolition-shits I ever got started on a scenic drive halfway between Marysville/Yuba City and Grass Valley/Nevada City. Foolishly, Upon reaching Grass Valley/Nevada City I figured I could hold it in until I got to Auburn on highway 49.

Note to self: In future, at the first sign of internal distress, zero in on and use the nearest bathroom, acceptable or not. Seat covers and clothing are expensive. Dignity is cheap.

[Yorikke]

I damn you all to hell.

This morning, for the first time in DECADES, I full-on shat my drawers. No, I am not joking. I blame each and evey one of you.

Joe

[Giltathriel]

Oh god, most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to me and if someone brings up most embarrassing moments I will lie about it. Yes.

I was 10ish and riding the school bus to my babysitter's house. I notice early on that I needed to go badly. Unfortunately, I had at least half an hour left in the ride. I tried valiantly to wait, despite stomach pains but it just didn't work. And then I had to sit in it.

I was *mortified* and tried to clean myself up in the sitter's bathroom so no one would know, but the toilet clogged.

[nachtmusick]

I came so close once that the memory still haunts me. I went to Cancun for a week years ago and came down with Montezuma's Revenge almost immediately. One afternoon I was waiting at a bus stop and felt the (now familiar) gut wrench that told me unstoppable diarrhea was in my very near future. The bus was just pulling up, but I knew it had about 4 stops left before reaching my hotel.

What a fateful decision to make. The odds were good I wouldn't make it to the hotel if I got on the bus, but I would certainly crap myself in public if I attempted to walk. I rolled the dice, and got on the bus. It was crowded, of course, and I had to stand.

As the bus seemingly inched toward my hotel, I was in a state of eyes-crossed, butt-clenched crisis. Between each stop I resolved to get off at the next stop so I wouldn't foul myself in close quarters with the other riders. At each stop I decided I would try for one more.

Not only did I make it to the last stop, I even made it to my room. I don't know how, because there were moments during the ride when I was certain that I was less than 20 seconds away from a catastrophic outcome.

[Cicero]

I must say, I REALLY am GROWING OLD:rolleyes:

Today was the second time I"ve 'lightly' crapped my pants within a 3 month period.

I guess those 'incontinent ' supplies will be coming in handy.

So far, I haven't 'peed' myself, but at 56, it should be happening any time now.

I [I]used [I to be house broken, as my mother "Collie" did an excellent job training me. I don't know what happened. Just getting old I expect.


Dilingerdobie

You know, normal 56 years olds don't go around shitting and peeing themselves.

[SanguineSpider]

I have no one to blame but myself
I have no one to blame but myself
I have no one to blame but myself



Why did I open this thread?
I have no one to blame but myself


Me, too... :smack:

[impatien]

I have to tell you a story about a co-worker. She told everyone at our place of work about this incident (idiot!). She had to do an outreach one morning at an elementary school to tell them about a summer reading program at our local library. She got nervous about having to talk to the kids and on the way into the school parking lot, she shit herself.

Well, instead of calling the school and claiming an emergency and bowing out of the scheduled talk, she goes into the school and into the office. She then asks if she can use the bathroom. Someone leads her to the employee bathroom. She goes in and takes her pants off and is standing at the sink with her bare ass hanging out rinsing out her undies when in walks a teacher. The teacher immediately says "Excuse me", and exits the bathroom.

Co-worker puts clothes back on and goes on with the talk to the kids.

God, I can't even imagine how anyone could be so freaking stupid, not to mention that she came back to work and proceeded to tell every single one of us her shameful story.
Some people have no shame.

[FartLighter]

I've shit my pants plenty of times...

My fraternity hosted farting contests during parties. They are pretty well attended lol. I love to fart, so I like to compete in them. In this contest, I was doing incredible, easily I was going to come in first. After each fart I got cheers, laughs and applause from the crowd. After about an hour and a half the contest was winding down, and I knew I had it in the bag. I feel a strong gurgling in my nethers and I knew this one would be the fart to win me the contest. It is important to note that I am very drunk also...

I get on all fours in my undies and I push with all of my might. But this fart (which was amazing) was blocked a huge turd, which now formed a huge bulge in my tighty whities. I have shit myself from farting plenty of times before...it's part of the sport! But this was no shart, and no hershey squirt. I had just dropped a huge deuce in my pants. The crowd went silent, and jaws dropped. My gut reaction was "F***! that was such a good fart too!" Then they erupted in laughter and some were disgusted lol. Usually a couple of guys sh*t their pants during these contests, but nothing of this magnitude, so close to winning!

I was disqualified. Disappointed in a drunked stupor, I grabbed my shorts and waddled home without even thinking to change before I left. That was the longest 4 blocks I had ever walked! I am sure people noticed the huge turd in my pants, but I knew I just had to get home waddling one cheek at a time!

The funniest part was as I am waddling home, I walked past these two guys and one of them looks at the other and yells "did you f*cking fart?"

[Dung Beetle]

Yes. Also known as The Day Mom Bought a Juicer, or The Day Everyone Shit Their Pants.

I also had a horrifying close call back in the days when I ran a register at a drug store. They were having a special on sugar-free chocolates, and I was unaware of the side effects until I damn near had a special myself. I had to call someone else to run the register so I could go use the restroom, then I had to clock out and go on home because the situation remained extremely unstable.

[Jaledin]

That cracks me up, DungB. To answer the OP, yeah, I did it once or maybe twice when I was younger and more effusive and voluble, but unfortunately not more volatile. Linen pants, ecru, walking around a park with my wife or whatever that woman was if she was even a female or a human.

Oh yeah, when I started taking fibrous intake seriously about four or five years ago, I was always running off trail to "make stool" -- sometimes didn't make it. We're talking 5 or 6 shits a day. Nylon shorts can be very unforgiving. Always carry a handkerchief, and learn the understory of the forest well. Gelled alcohol was a constant companion. Good to have clean hands.

Never did one of those 'Trainspotting" things, though -- I always used to piss myself, though, if it makes you all feel better. It was good for me, too.

[jjimm]

One weekend morning in the first flush of our new relationship, I awoke before my honey and crept out of bed. I went and had a shower and put on clean boxers. It was a sunny summer's morning and the sun was streaming in through the curtains, alighting on her face and illuminating her halo of sumptuous red hair. As the sunlight kissed her eyes, she slowly awoke. "Good morning," she said, smiling blearily.

"GOOD MORNING!" I beamed at her. "What a beautiful day!"

I was squeaky clean but contemplating that I would be prepared to compromise that state for a bit of the old hows-yer-father. I approached the bed with a stirring of anticipation, posing in a manner that I knew would be amusing to her but perhaps not entirely unalluring (I had a great body in those days).

I danced about a bit, and since we were a few weeks in and not worried about that sort of thing in front of each other, let out a cheeky little musical fart.

I froze, one leg cocked.

Attached to the end of the fart was a nugget of poo.

With my leg raised, mid prance, the nugget wasn't contained by the leg of the boxers, but, propelled by compressed gas, instead shot straight down out of the boxers and bounced off my ankle, onto the bed.

My love watched this development with an expression of startled confusion. She then slowly drew the blanket up to her face, staring at the poo.

I wailed "I just had a shower and put on clean boxers! Now I have to have another shower!" and waddled back off to the bathroom clutching my ass.

I did return a few minutes later with some toilet roll to clean up the mess. She was in exactly the same pose as she'd been when I'd left her, blanket clutched to her face, gazing in horror at the rogue nugget.

[Surly Chick]

The sheen is now officially off my doper crush on jjimm...

[jjimm]

The sheen is now officially off my doper crush on jjimm...Well the sheen clearly worked for her: we were together for seven years after that.

The sheen of my nugget, that is.

[Mama Zappa]

Had my gallbladder out in the winter of 2010. As the guts adjusted, there were a few very close calls (hence my reference to "clench-cheeked run-waddle" in subsequent gallbladder-related threads).

Had a colonoscopy last summer. While doing the prep the evening before, there was the time I'd accidentally left the toilet *lid* down.... the delay proved to be unfortunate. I don't know if that one counts really, since explosive poo is EXPECTED in such a situation.

Then (and oh god, if Typo Knig happens to do a search on my name, the bloom will officially be OFF our relationship because I did NOT tell him this at the time)... we were in Disney Land with the kids, finishing up some shopping before hitting the road to San Diego. In this huge gift shop. I felt the urge to pass gas, did so, then had that awful moment of dawning horror.

Thank goodness there was a bathroom very nearby. Typo kept shopping with the kids while I said "gotta run", and went in and did damage control. I got the mess cleaned up - undies were a disaster, outer clothes were OK. I stayed in there for a bit while I tried to decide if the danger had, erm, passed. I washed the underwear in the sink and wiped everything around it thoroughly, then tried to decide whether to go commando.... or put on clammy, damp, stained (but stink-free) skivvies. As I was wearing a jumper (for non-US Dopers, this is the dress + shirt thing, not a sweater), I had a horrifying image of Disaster hitting and leaving a steaming pile as we walked around.... so on with the soggy pants.

[FrancisCastle]

I was at a court-ordered parenting class following my divorce. I felt fine when we started, but about half way through the class I started sweating. My kids were both at home with the flu, so I figured I was probably coming down with the same thing. But this class is mandatory, so I can make it till the end right? Wrong.

There was about 15 minutes left when I stood up and said "I'm sorry, I'm not feeling well. I have to leave." I didn't wait for the instructor to respond, I just fast-walked out the door. For a second, I thought maybe I could make it out to my car and get home, but my guts had other plans. I ran into the bathroom that was right off the lobby, and started puking into the toilet. To my horror, I filled my pants at the same time.

After cleaning up as best I could in the bathroom, I tried sneaking out of the building since I'm sure everyone heard what happened in there. The receptionist gave me a concerned, yet disgusted look and opened her mouth to say something but I cut her off. "Sorry, bye." I put a towel down on my front seat (thanks to my kids always leaving stuff in the car!) and drove home. When I got there, my oldest noticed what had happened and so began the "Mommy pooped her pants!" chanting. I took a shower and went to bed. I can't remember ever being that sick.