Which Onion character do you most resemble

[ITR champion]

Here's the deal. Find the article in the Onion archives about the person who is most like you. Most of the articles about individual people are on the society page (http://www.theonion.com/archive/archive_society.html).

I would say that my best match is Jonathan Green (http://www.theonion.com/onion3604/doesnt_own_television.html), though I do have a few things in common with Andrew Schnell (http://www.theonion.com/onion3631/parents_records.html).

[DarkPrince]

Jenna Bush's Federally Protected Wetlands Now Open For Public Drilling

I haven't found anyone I resemble yet, but that had me on the floor laughing.

[Weird_AL_Einstein]

Well if you want a recurring character, it would probably be that gangsta accountant guy, Herbert Kornfeld I think it is. If I'm allowed to go through all the archives, then...well, I'll get back to you.

Great excuse to go through the Onion archives, btw. :D

[ShibbOleth]

Well, this is who (http://www.theonion.com/onion3123/hawkingexo.html) I'd like to be, but in reality it probably comes something closer to Ross Hudek (http://www.theonion.com/onion3543/billy_joel_fanpage.html).

[Manduck]

I think I have a lot in common with Warren Geary (http://www.theonion.com/onion3412/nakedladyfetish.html).

[Gyrate]

Mr. Tin.

What? You don't believe I have laser eyes and jet-powered feet?

[Rosebud]

Just call me Fairy Princess Rosebud (http://www.theonion.com/onion3413/fairyprincess.html).

[Eliahna]

I am SO a Tobin (http://www.theonion.com/onion3607/projected_on_dog.html)

:D