It's not...funny...anymore

[tiny ham]

I remember a while back someone (scylla?) mentioned that perhaps the 'goat felching' plague had run its admittedly funny course.

To me, and of course this is my humble opinion (but I'm ranting), something else has run it's course.

The gratuitous swearing at the end of posts with the cute* little addendum "Since this is the pit:"

I, of all people, am not suggesting that we ban swearing from the pit, as sometimes it is absolutely necessary and in fact contributes to the funniness or emotional trauma of the thread. However, putting:

Oh, and since this is the pit: cocksucker, clitbag, shitstick, fuck

at the end of a four paragraph post that is otherwise clear of swearing or indeed other flying off the handle behavior...does not make it funnier.

As a matter of fact, the funniest line I ever read in the pit in all of my days at this board had no swearing whatsoever, and that was Cervaise to the telemarketer:

"You poor, addled cow"

I'm sorry for bringing it up, but I've read it a ton in the past weeks and it's beginning to drive me mad...because I think some otherwise intelligent and funny and creative posters are sabotaging their own posts for no reason.

just my opinion.

jarbaby


*it's not cute

[Myrr21]

Was it ever funny?

Also, I swear I've seen a thread devoted to this complaint before...

[Ethilrist]

Gee, and all this time I thought it was like the Motion Picture Rating system, where people had to put some cusswords into their Pit posts lest they be moved to some tamer venue.

Learn something new every goldanged day.

[Jester]

Ooh, I'm sorry Elhirist, but I'm gonna have to knock three points off your post for lack of obscenities. Sorry, but you wind up with a score of 5. (The other two points were the Romanian judge's fault, don't take it up with me).

As for your OP, jarbaby, I couldn't agree more.

[Ukulele Ike]

Please start a thread for all the "Hi, Opal!" numbnuts, next, okay?

[Kamandi]

Sing it, sister.

I've always thought it sabotaged the writer's entire post.

relevant profanity = good
gratuitous profanity = bad

[magdalene]

The thread in reference is Flypsyde's "Gratuitous Pit Behavior." The search function is too slow for me to make you a link right now. Find it, read it, learn it. I would also recommend Lexicon's "Things That Make You Look Like an Ass" thread.

1. How scary is it that I could name those thread off the top of my head? Someone...help...me....

2. This has been irritating me too. You read a great, funny, bitchy post by someone you like and at the end there is some twee "since this is the pit your mother was a whore and your father smelt of elderberries" remark. It's like "Hi Opal" in lists - a couple people do it and so the newbies think it's the standard so they start emulating it.

3. The "I like you, but I'm going to make you think I hate you by starting a Pit Thread about you, but then you'll get there and see that it's like a surprise party with everyone saying how much they like you" thing is getting Very Old. There is a whole forum for that congratulatory stuff.

4. And (sorry, Fenris, I generally like ya) the "I want someone to make a Pit Thread about me" is just the height of pathetic. Folks, really. If you want Pit Threads about you, PISS SOMEONE OFF! And don't piss people off by being a jagoff troll because you want attention or suddenly turning into an idiot. Piss someone off by taking a stand on an issue. Start an actual debate, where passions and intellectual fervor run high and you can't help offending those who cannot accept the Truths burning out of you.

[tiny ham]

::sitting magdalene on a barstool, singing to her::

Have I told...you lately...that I love you...

jarbaby

[magdalene]

Originally posted by Ukulele Ike
Please start a thread for all the "Hi, Opal!" numbnuts, next, okay?

Ooh, can I?

You could be typing a list with the life-and-death importance or historical resonance of Schindler's fucking list and typing "Hi Opal" in the middle of it would still turn your entire post into a steaming pile of dogcrap.

That is all.

[Hamadryad]

You could be typing a list with the life-and-death importance or historical resonance of Schindler's fucking list and typing "Hi Opal" in the middle of it would still turn your entire post into a steaming pile of dogcrap.

Oh my gosh, it does? You mean it's not just a cute "in-thing" used by the old-school people? You mean doing that won't make me more popular? You mean typing...uhmm...that (I can't bring myself to do it, sorry) won't make me look like I'm cool and in the know and down with the "it" crowd?

Well, crap.

And since this is the pit....I'd like mine beef barbecue, please, with cole slaw on it...and none of that newfangled store-made stuff, either.

[don Jaime]

Originally posted by Jester (Not to single him out, though...he seems to be a nice man, despite a proclivity to posting in the BBQ Pit. Unless she's a woman, in which case I want to say all that again, but with variant pronouns.)
Ooh, I'm sorry Elhirist, but I'm gonna have to knock three points off your post for lack of obscenities. Sorry, but you wind up with a score of 5. (The other two points were the Romanian judge's fault, don't take it up with me).

Can we retire this, too, please? It worked the first couple billion times maybe, but now....

[Enderw24]

And another thing or two:

When we see an entire thread in bold and italics, it doesn't take Steven Hawking to realize you fucked up. "Must preview, must preview..." will not alliviate your fucking up. It does two things: pads your post count. Whoopee. And tells everyone you realized you fucked up. Hey, guess what? when fifteen paragraphs are like this, it's pretty damn obvious something went wrong! Buy some post it notes, tattoo it onto your arm, write "Must preview" in pig's blood across your walls next to "laces out!" The choices are wide open.

Please, for the love of all things noble and ignorant, STOP using ::d&r:: on comments so benign, so blase`, so middle of the road that Mr. Rogers himself wouldn't get offended.

And since this is the pit, wear some deodorant!

[FalconFinder]

I agree -- Gratuitious swearing just because it's the pit is rather stupid.

This is slightly off the topic, so please forgive me. I'm a relatively new poster and don't quite know all the posting ettiquette (sp?) -- maybe there's a tutorial or rules listing somewhere?

Anyway, I just have to ask: What the heck is the "Hi Opal!" thing all about? Hopefully, there's a good story behind it....

[matt_mcl]

OpalCat is a poster who used to get infuriated whenever someone would post a list with just two items, claiming that a series had to have three items in order to be made a list. So whenever anyone would make a list with two items, the third item would be "Hi Opal." This custom later spread to the third item of any list, no matter how many items.

[OpalCat]

In ancient times, when the board was on AOL, I occassionally would start to list things in a post.
1) thing number one
2) thing number two (at which point I'd realize that was really all I had, and should really have just said "thing one and thing two" rather than making a list, so I'd add...)
3) I hate lists with only two items (or something similar)

After a while other people started making lists like
1) thing number one
2) thing number two
3) Opal doesn't like two-item lists
when they didn't have a third item.

which degenerated with time to

1) thing number one
2) thing number two
3) Hi Opal.

and eventually to
1) thing number one
2) thing number two
3) Hi Opal
4) thing number four, etc.

[OpalCat]

Originally posted by matt_mcl
OpalCat is a poster who used to get infuriated whenever someone would post a list with just two items, claiming that a series had to have three items in order to be made a list.

Not so. It was something I did to my own posts.

[Cervaise]

I'm going to jump in and answer FalconFinder before somebody more irritable than I flies off the handle. It's a question commonly asked by new users, and we always wonder why they didn't try searching for an answer first. (It's also one of the more compelling arguments for updating the FAQ, not as if people will actually read it.)

A few search results can be found by clicking this link (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/search.php?query=opal&forumchoice=2&booleanand=yes&searchin=subject&searchdate=365&searchuser=&exactname=yes&action=dosearch&getdaily=&pagenum=).

P.S. Thanks for the compliment, jarbaby. It never ceases to amaze me how popular that telemarketer rant was. I'm flattered, sure, but I didn't think it would be more than a quickly-sinking one-off.

P.P.S. And since this is the Pit, drat! dang! shoot! fudge! cheeks! corkboard! sausage! crayola! whelk! teflon! sousaphone!

[Cervaise]

And, of course, eight million people jump in while I'm typing my post. :mad:

[Ukulele Ike]

"Hi, Opal!" is when you...

...hey, are you disrespecting Sousaphones?

(KRANGGGGGGGGG on the skull with the bell of a 1896 BBb Conn Half-Lady}

[Alphagene]

Anyway, I just have to ask: What the heck is the "Hi Opal!" thing all about?
This is why I personally dislike the "Hi Opal" thing. Invariably, someone asks what the deal is with this inside joke. And like any joke, explanation of it reduces its humor (such as it is) by at least four orders of magnitude.

That's not to bust on you for asking, FalcFind, its more of a knock on those who use insular quotes as a substitute for actual humor.

I'd also like to hold an official funeral service or the following Pit tendencies:

** Pit titles that start with In which... or end with ...a word please?

** The expressions Who peed in your cheerios? and Don't get your panties in a bunch

[Edited by Alphagene on 07-20-2001 at 01:07 PM]

[FalconFinder]

Thanks for the explanation, everyone!

No offense taken. I have a lot to learn so I hope you will all be patient with me! (Not that you wouldn't be, but I FULLY understand the aggravation caused by those who don't know what the hell is going on -- I'm a support tech after all...)

Thanks for the tips!

[Hamadryad]

Originally posted by Ukulele Ike
"Hi, Opal!" is when you...

...hey, are you disrespecting Sousaphones?

(KRANGGGGGGGGG on the skull with the bell of a 1896 BBb Conn Half-Lady}

Damn you. I was going to say that.

Well, not the "Opal" part, and not the actual brand of sousaphone, and not, you know, crush his skull with it...

But I was going to call 'im out on the whole "dissing the sousaphone" thing.

And I can't believe he used "corkboard" publicly. I'm offended.

[Esprix]

Fuck you all, ya pansies.

Esprix

[Tuckerfan]

Originally posted by jarbabyj
::sitting magdalene on a barstool, singing to her::

Have I told...you lately...that I love you...

jarbaby

Hmmm. I think I want pictures of this! It could get interesting!

[Smeghead]

While we're airing our pet peeves, can we please quit with the graphic descriptions of how mildly amusing posts cause all sorts of liquid refreshment to spray out of multitudinous facial orifices onto a variety of computer equipment, thus rendering said equipment nonfunctional? It's getting old.

It reminds me of what James Lileks calls the "Violently Ordinary Rejoinder," in which an aggresively nonfunny punchline causes its hearer to flip head over heels in stunned amazement.

[Silver Fire]

I'll add expressing love for a poster who has recently said something that you agree with/was going to say/thought, but didn't say and OOOH! isn't it cool that they were thinking the same thing?!? Worse than a "Me too!" post, IMO.

Lemme see if I can find an example of this... Ah yes. Right in this very thread.

Originally posted by jarbabyj
::sitting magdalene on a barstool, singing to her::

Have I told...you lately...that I love you...

jarbaby

Also, pointing out simulposts is kind of ridiculous.

[Mikahw]

1)swearing is fun
2)I like cheese
3)hi opal

Since this is the pit: Fuck you.
----

Sorry, the child in me couldn't resist :D

[CrankyAsAnOldMan]

Well, if jarbaby doesn't mind my expanding this list of crap that irks us..... I fucking CRINGE when a perfectly good thread degenerates to two or three people having a semi-intimate, flirt-filled conversation with each other. Take it to email and let the board be relieved from the eight or ten unnecessary posts, damnit. I don't mind a little flirting here and there; fer chrissakes there are other forums for one-on-one conversations though.

You know what I'm talking about:

OP: Should I use overdrive on snow?

Doper 1: Well, according to Click and Clack the car guys.... (blah blah blah)

Doper 2: I'd like to go in overdrive on YOU, Doper 1!

Doper 1: You mean you'd make me go click and clack, leer, leer?

Doper 2: More than that, Doper 1! When I get through with you your motor will be humming!

Doper 1: I hope you won't be using motor oil in that massage you'll be giving me, yuk yuk yuk!

Doper 2: Oh no, I'm interested in the viscosity of certain other fluid, nudge nudge, humanna humanna humanna...

::thud:: (sound of Cranky hitting her forehead in consternation so hard she knocks herself out)

[NutWrench]

I hate it when people gratuitously end a sentence with the word fuck.

[Mikahw]

I hate it when people gratuitously end a sentence with the word fuck.

I feel as if I'm heading off into the children's corner. Oh well.

Is that fuckin' so? In-fuckin'-credible! Anyone who says fuck more than 3 times in one post is seriously fucked up! err..

[red_dragon60]

aNd so i was like talking to tiffany on the phone and i like found, this bored. they had this posty thing that was ta[b]lking aobut al the thins ppl hate on mbs! I LIKE CANNOT BELIEVE IT! they aer s[i]o unkewl. they have no clue hjow to talk like they are riting leters or somshit. AnD nOw ThEy ThInK i[b/] Am SoMe TeEnYbOpPeR! ugh, the nerve* Fizzuck*

[pesch]

People who point out spelling errors deserve to have their fucknuts stripped.

Doesn't happen much on this board, but it seems epidemic on others.

[nikjohns]

This is one that I have, unfortunately, done myself. :(

Poster one: I hate fuckng chickens...

Poster two: Would you hate them less if they weren't engaged in intercourse?

fucking as an adjective != fucking as a verb

Fuckers ;)

[Weirddave]

Jeeze, Alphagene, Don't get your panties in a bunch, dude. Who the fuck peed in your fucking Cheerios?

[Silver Fire]

I'm going to add another one. Let's not apologize for double/triple posting, m'kay? You quite obviously did not mean to do that, you don't have to point out that you did (as if we didn't notice) and then apologize for it. So just stop. You've already made one, perhaps two (and probably more), completely pointless posts, there's no need to add to that number.

[Hamadryad]

Originally posted by CrankyAsAnOldMan
::thud:: (sound of Cranky hitting her forehead in consternation so hard she knocks herself out)


Cranky, you're just jealous because you're not getting any. I hope you HATE it that the people who flirt are popular! I bet you're eating your stupid oh-so-superior heart out over how much more popular the girls who flirt in every goddamned thread possible are than you.

And I bet you're stalking them and deliberately going out of your way to ruin their threads, too. And you're doing it all out of malice, because the love lives of people you've never met (and probably never will) are actially important enough to you that you spend hours offline trying to think of ways to sabotage their INNOCENT GAMES!

How could you? You're just jealous. I hope your boobs rot off.

note: this message has not been given standard tests for content as far as sarcasm and smarm. no crankys were actually harmed in the writing of this post. at least, not intentionally. if, as a poster, you think this means you...you probably need to check your ego.

Lessee....Oh yeah! I forgot!!

--d&r--

*cackle*

[Silver Fire]

Originally posted by Hamadryad
I hope your boobs rot off.
Wow, that's... graphic.

[OneChance]

What I really hate are comments like, "LOL, that was the funniest thing I've read in a long time! Now I have to clean the juice off my monitor! Bastard!" That's annoying. Do you really think we give a fuck if you found a post funny? Laugh and move on for Christ sakes. No need to let everyone know what makes you laugh. Dipshits.

[Weirddave]

Originally posted by OneChance
What I really hate are comments like, "LOL, that was the funniest thing I've read in a long time! Now I have to clean the juice off my monitor! Bastard!" That's annoying. Do you really think we give a fuck if you found a post funny? Laugh and move on for Christ sakes. No need to let everyone know what makes you laugh. Dipshits.

OMG, That's a riot, OneChance! You owe me for the new keyboard I have to buy because I just spit my beer all over this one and shorted it out!

[OneChance]

Originally posted by Weirddave
OMG, That's a riot, OneChance! You owe me for the new keyboard I have to buy because I just spit my beer all over this one and shorted it out!I - am - not - amused. :) Okay, maybe a little.

I also hate the cutesy little banter that sometimes goes on here, like the comment I just made above.

[Esprix]

OK, I think that about covers it - no one is allowed to post anything anymore, because it's all annoying.

Really, you buncha fucking whiners - what is permissible?

Esprix

[Smeghead]

Originally posted by OneChance
What I really hate are comments like, "LOL, that was the funniest thing I've read in a long time! Now I have to clean the juice off my monitor! Bastard!"

All right, now I know people are deliberately ignoring my posts. I've long suspected it, but this confirms it. Or did you not notice my post on this exact subject in this very same thread?????! It's up there ^.

[Silver Fire]

Okay, let's add whining about how *everyone* ignores *all* your posts.

It's overdone and overdramatic.

:D

[Redboss]

I hate it when people don't log off properly.

You MUST go back to the powered board screen and find the little log-off tab at the bottom, and click on that. Otherwise you're just not logged off properly. It's for your own good.

And TOO MANY people are not putting the plastic cover on the key board when they finish. Why do you think the manufacturers supply these covers? To be used, and to lengthen the life of your machine. So use them!

Also, some of you are not flossing every day! It's the best way to look after your teeth and it really doesn't take long.

And another thing, too many

[transmission interrupted by Redboss' mother]

[Kaje]

It's also very distracting when people feel they can't type certain words because it would somehow reflect negatively on their soul in the afterlife or something. Guess what? Typing sex and s-x are the same fucking thing! And yes, you might have well as typed God... If you don't wanna say the lord's name in vain or something, how about you don't type it at all? G-d doesn't have some kind of sophisticated boardtapping device that listens for exact spellings of words to write down on his list of people to fuck over. Even if he did, I think G-d would qualify just the same. It's really fucking distracting when trying to read a post and filling in the blanks as you go.

[Fenris]

Originally posted by Kaje
Typing sex and s-x are the same fucking thing! And yes, you might have well as typed God... If you don't wanna say the lord's name in vain or something, how about you don't type it at all? G-d doesn't have some kind of sophisticated boardtapping device that listens for exact spellings of words to write down on his list of people to fuck over. Even if he did, I think G-d would qualify just the same. It's really fucking distracting when trying to read a post and filling in the blanks as you go.

I'll give you a hint so as to lessen your confusion and distraction. When you see "G-d" the missing letter is "o"!

Now that we've resolved a major source of emotional upset for you, y'might want to retract your head from your ass and do a little research before you start spewing garbage like the above.

Orthodox Jews believe (and have for (IIRC) thousands of years) that one does not write out God's name because anything you write it on is impermanant and it's disrespectful to God to write his name on something that'll eventually be destroyed.

It's done out of love and respect for God, not fear.

Fenris

[Kaje]

Originally posted by Fenris
Originally posted by Kaje
Typing sex and s-x are the same fucking thing! And yes, you might have well as typed God... If you don't wanna say the lord's name in vain or something, how about you don't type it at all? G-d doesn't have some kind of sophisticated boardtapping device that listens for exact spellings of words to write down on his list of people to fuck over. Even if he did, I think G-d would qualify just the same. It's really fucking distracting when trying to read a post and filling in the blanks as you go.

I'll give you a hint so as to lessen your confusion and distraction. When you see "G-d" the missing letter is "o"!

Now that we've resolved a major source of emotional upset for you, y'might want to retract your head from your ass and do a little research before you start spewing garbage like the above.

Orthodox Jews believe (and have for (IIRC) thousands of years) that one does not write out God's name because anything you write it on is impermanant and it's disrespectful to God to write his name on something that'll eventually be destroyed.

It's done out of love and respect for God, not fear.

Fenris

As much as I would like to take this on, anything I would say in response would be taken as disrespectful and, dare I say, sacreligious. So instead I'll just leave the G-d thing alone for now (until somebody starts up a GD perhaps) and say that the s-x part is still utter horese-shit.

[Mersavets]

But hasn't "G_d" become a sort of proxy for "God" and therefore cause Jews who use it to still blaspheme? I mean, the use (in print) of any name for the Creator must be blasphemous since "God" wasn't in use when this law or ruling came into force. When Jews discuss Islam, do they write "_ll_h"? Seems kind of silly to me or is that just me being all Anglo-Celtic-Christian-centric?

[Fredge]

While we're at it - can we not bash people who slip in a sly reference to "ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US!"?

For some inane reason, this phrase still cracks me up every time I see it. :D

Yes, I am pathetic.

[Fenris]

Originally posted by Mersavets
But hasn't "G_d" become a sort of proxy for "God" and therefore cause Jews who use it to still blaspheme? I mean, the use (in print) of any name for the Creator must be blasphemous since "God" wasn't in use when this law or ruling came into force. When Jews discuss Islam, do they write "_ll_h"? Seems kind of silly to me or is that just me being all Anglo-Celtic-Christian-centric?

A) It's not blasphemy as far as I know. My understanding is that there's no actual rule saying you have to write it G-d, it's a sign of respect to do it, but it's not a sin to not do so. Imagine calling someone who was on the beach at D-Day "sir". You don't have to, but it's polite, but it's not rude to use "Mr." Again, my understanding only.

B) I have no idea how Orthodox Jews refer to other dieties. It's actually an interesting question and I may post in over in GQ.

If Chaim or Zev were here, they'd know for sure.

Fenris

[celestina]

[The spotlight follows celestina as she enters stage left and walks to the mike at center stage. She taps the mike to make sure it's on, and is reassured by the echoing thump-thump she hears in the dark theater.]

Here's a little poem I composed in honor of this thread.

*Ahem*

Oh Dear, Someone Said *uck!

Fuckluck, fucknut,
Quack, quack.
Fuck, duck. Fuck, what?!
Fuckhow, fucksow, fuckcow,
Fuck. Bow. Fuck. Pow.
Oh fuck. A row! Yeowww!
Fucknow? Fucknow.
Fuckwow!
[giggle]
Fucktrowel.
Fugup.
Fucksuck. Fuck-I'm-stuck. Oh fuck, Look!
Fuck, mistook a fuck. A fuck? A fuck.
Fuck, fuckfuck, fuck, fuck. Fuck.

Y'all have a nice day! :0)

[celestina curtseys and exits stage right]

[kaylasdad99]

celestina

So that was you down at the Gypsy Den the other night?

[celestina]

Why, kylasdad99, I don't know what you're talking about. I just got caught up in a fuckstream dream. :-0 What is the Gypsy's Den?

[City Gent]

Aren't we setting the standard for an acceptable post a little too high? We can't all be Oscar Fucking Wilde 24/7. I for one will never tire of anyone or anything being described as a "steaming pile of [dog] shit/crap", as long as it's not me. Even if it were me, I'd probably chuckle.

[Smeghead]

All right, here's another one that's getting on my nerves lately:

OP: "You know, I really hate it when people do/say X.

Next 17 thousand posts: "X, and minor variations thereof." It was funny ONCE. Not since then.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go ... discuss ... something with Silver Fire.

[Silver Fire]

Bring it on, Smeg! Show me what you got, I'm in #straightdope RIGHT NOW!