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View Full Version : Great/funny fake names???


anenquiringmind
08-22-2001, 08:21 PM
My last name is pronounced EXACTLY like it is spelled.
However, when we give our name to the hostess at a restaurant/event etc. they ALWAYS totally butcher it while announcing it over the loudspeaker.
So instead of signing in as "Smith" I was hoping you guys could give me some ideas along the line of

Imajunkie etc.

Something that would be hilarious over the loudspeaker.
What can I say? We get bored easily........ :)

NotWithoutRage
08-22-2001, 08:27 PM
/go go gadget burt reynolds voice/

Turd Ferguson. Heh heh. It's a funny name.

/go go gadget burt reynolds voice off/

evilhanz
08-22-2001, 08:28 PM
Dick Swett - the real name of a former Democratic candidate for the US House in New Hampshire.

Bubble Girl
08-22-2001, 08:51 PM
Mike Hunt

anenquiringmind
08-22-2001, 09:02 PM
Bubble Girl, that is a GOOD ONE!! LOL

I had to say it 3 times to "get it" !!

evilhanz
08-22-2001, 09:04 PM
Heywood Jablomey

This is just another name for a "Prank the Bartender" thread.

Crunchy Frog
08-22-2001, 09:10 PM
Damn, someone get Creaky in here. We were chatting a while ago and she knew this name that was funny as hell.

Of course, I forgot it though.

BigGiantHead
08-22-2001, 09:15 PM
Well, there's always the ever-popular Phil McCracken.

Or the more-vulgar and less funny Buster Hyman.

Ross
08-22-2001, 09:23 PM
Are you guys all crazy?

Hugh Jass.

There can be only one.

Zebra
08-22-2001, 09:44 PM
Ema Nymton

StephenG
08-22-2001, 10:06 PM
Zebra: I've read it and read it, and said it and said it ... but huh?

Flymaster
08-22-2001, 10:11 PM
Hugh G. Rection
Pat McGroin
Pat McRotch

jk1245
08-22-2001, 10:31 PM
Can't forget the classics

Betty Humpter
Ben Dover

Then of course I actually know someone named Richard Wacker.
Yes, he goes by "Dick". He seems to take a perverse pride in it.

stolichnaya
08-22-2001, 10:34 PM
You could be my Russian friend, Oliver Klosov.

Ditto on Ema Nymton. I must be too tired.

Pink
08-22-2001, 10:40 PM
I went to a school called Chabot, and pronounced "sha-beau".
Whenever someone asks how you spell that, we always said "just like it sounds". :D

gorewonfla
08-22-2001, 10:41 PM
Dick Gazinia
"Papa" Cherry
Mike Rautsch
Dick Hertz
Having an adolescent son can come in handy

Xixox
08-22-2001, 10:51 PM
I've always been fond of Howie Feltersnatch.

Clint Oriss is fun too, specially when it's prefixed with "Mister"
:eek:

KneadToKnow
08-23-2001, 07:31 AM
Well, it lacks the hormone appeal of most of the others given so far, but a friend claims that when going out to eat with buddies he will often give his last name as "Donner" just for the thrill of hearing them annonce "Donner party ... your table is ready."

Annie-Xmas
08-23-2001, 07:44 AM
Ben Dover and C. Howett Fields (thanks, Cecil :))
Jack Meoff
And here's to all the Dick Johnsons of the world.

gallows fodder
08-23-2001, 07:58 AM
Ema Nymton - read it backwards.

Spritle
08-23-2001, 08:08 AM
when leaving my name with the hostess at a restaurant, I sometimes tell them my last name is "Wilde, like the poet". Later, over the loudspeaker, the entire bar hears... "Wilde party, your table is ready".

I'm sooooo original. :rolleyes:

Lucifer12
08-23-2001, 08:12 AM
Raffi Pooman
Shecky Shakapopolis
Willy Pullet
Dan Pusse´ (ala Dan Clowes/Eightball)
Dick Pinch

Tequila Mockingbird
08-23-2001, 08:13 AM
Once had to send a laptop back to the manufacturer for repairs for a customer. I put his name in the return address protion of the shipping and at first thought it was a fake name.
Les Dykes

My friend Katherine's mom was a nurse. They absolutely refused to page her to another floor of the hospital.
Anita Coffin was her name.

slortar
08-23-2001, 09:57 AM
I've used Rocco Gibraltar a lot.

finnofranco
08-23-2001, 10:00 AM
From the Harvard Lampoon's "Bored of the Rings":

Ima Pseudonym

GrizzRich
08-23-2001, 10:14 AM
Amanda Hoggenkiss

GrizzWife SWEARS that she took a call while working for Presidential Airlines (many years ago) who said his name was Harry Fatbottom.

sidle
08-23-2001, 12:01 PM
Phil McCrevice
Harry Dick

caveman
08-23-2001, 12:08 PM
Phil Deeznuts
Sharon Peters (Classic, we actually got our vice prinipal in middle school to announce it was Sharon's birthday at lunch one time. We had to apologize to everyone, but took the opportunity to say "Sharon Peters" yet again in front of half the student body...)

Mr. Cynical
08-23-2001, 12:27 PM
Obviously, Sue Duhnym.

FairyChatMom
08-23-2001, 12:27 PM
Years ago, I worked with a man whose last name was Breast. He told everyone his wife's name was Ophelia and his name was Felcher.

BobSchroeck
08-23-2001, 12:36 PM
Karim Abdul Goldstein?

screech-owl
08-23-2001, 12:44 PM
Fanny Passafiume.

And there're always the MPFC classics:

Smokestoomuch
Mister Neutron
Ima Lumberjack
Arthur "Two Sheds" Jackson
Mr. Keith Maniac [from Guatemala] ("Maniac party, your table is ready")
Ron Vibbentropp
Raymond Luxury Yacht (pronounced "Throatwarbler Mangrove")
Mr. Arthur Frampton (the man with three buttocks)

and (takes a breath)

Johann Gambolputty de von Ausfern- schplenden- schlitter- crasscrenbon- fried- digger- dingle- dangle- dongle- dungle- burstein- von- knacker- thrasher- apple- banger- horowitz- ticolensic- grander- knotty- spelltinkle- grandlich- grumblemeyer- spelterwasser- kurstlich- himbleeisen- bahnwagen- gutenabend- bitte- ein- nürnburger- bratwustle- gerspurten- mitz- weimache- luber- hundsfut- gumberaber- shönendanker- kalbsfleisch- mittler- aucher von Hautkopft of Ulm.

(damned carpal tunnel is back)

Sister Vigilante
08-23-2001, 02:15 PM
Our morning radio show here actually called a store and had Harry Paratestes paged. Twice. Got it all on tape, over the phone. They are playing it back continually now in commercials for the morning show.

Hugh Jass
08-23-2001, 09:14 PM
Originally posted by Ross
Are you guys all crazy?

Hugh Jass.

There can be only one.

Thankyou. Thankyouverymuch.

Gilligan
08-23-2001, 10:01 PM
Dick Fitzwell
Connie Lingus
Geena Talia
Dixon Cider
Craven Moorehead
Harry Balzac

Czaoth
08-24-2001, 12:46 AM
I saw Mike Hunt mentioned...another variation is:

Mike Hawk

My school yearbook staff put that in as a joke lastyear.

Atreyu
08-24-2001, 12:51 AM
I heard in the news about an American (doctor?) who wanted to begin efforts on a human cloning experiment. This was not long after the news of Dolly the sheep was broken.

The guy's name? Richard Seed.

Think about it.

Geek Mecha
08-24-2001, 06:41 AM
Justin K. C. (or Casey) Hollers

Forgot the joke associated with it, though. Something about parents using him as a babysitter. I'm sure someone else can think of something better.

Fern Forest
08-24-2001, 06:54 AM
*ahem* in keeping with my comic sensabilities call me

Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr

and of course his honey

Anne Uumellmahaye

Rockwell
08-24-2001, 10:26 AM
Willy Phisterbottom

Stu Padasso

tidyman
08-24-2001, 11:14 AM
Two-Ears Laybelle

from The Goodies' cast list for "White Christmas":

Emma Dreaming
Arthur White
Chris Muss
Jess Like-Dee
Juan Swee
Hugh Sterno
Wendy Treetops-Glissen
Anne Chilled-Wren
Liz-Anne
Two-Ears Laybelle
Cindy Snow

(c) The Goodies, circa 1976. They also gave us "Norma Snockers", which still makes me laugh.

peewee_RotA
08-24-2001, 01:34 PM
Ben Dover
Ilean Dover
Justin Case
Hue Gass
Amanda Hugankiss
I.P. Frealy
Al Kahallick

This is the one I use
Rodriko (pronounce in a thick mexican accent) Douglas (pronounce in a disgiused monotoned voice)

irishgirl
08-24-2001, 01:54 PM
i do know a girl who is really called Binky Moorehead.

but then, i know
a Lasagna Jameson : her father is a chef

a Nirvana O' Hegarty : who grew up in a commune in Connemara

and a Sanskrit O'Neill : ummm, your guess is as good as mine!

yakboy
08-24-2001, 02:15 PM
The credits of the Car Talk radio show has some good ones. The whole list is on their web site:

http://cartalk.cars.com/About/credits.html

Happy Feet
08-24-2001, 06:17 PM
When I was in junior high there was a raffle and a kid put in the name Ben Dover. It was so awesome, because by some stroke of luck, this kid WON!!! The poor Vice-Principle had no idea what he had just said in front of the entire class while he was announcing winners to come up to the stage, so of course he read it multiple time and the hilarity ensued.

Also

Chris P. Nugget

and my favorite of all time...

Drew Peacock

Mudshark
08-24-2001, 11:47 PM
I don't think this was mentioned yet Wilma Dickfit.

olddeadbob
08-25-2001, 12:17 AM
My friend's personal favorite to use at restaurants is "Dr. Rosenpenis".

Max the Immortal
08-25-2001, 01:36 AM
Learn to pronounce a mandarin name properly. Whenever you give your name, make sure they know how to pronounce it. It they can't get the hang of it, pretend to become very angry.

Cougarfang
08-25-2001, 05:13 AM
Foo King
Ima ______ (insert whatever you are)
______ (insert first name) Sux
or, my favorite nickname for an obnoxious boy in my class,
Shut Up

P.S. Max, if you think getting an american to say a mandarin name is tough, try getting one to say your TAIWANESE name. or get a chinese to say your english name. it's the sort of thing which would lead you to bang your head on a brick wall... trust me. i've been there.

mongrel_8
08-25-2001, 12:34 PM
I subscibed to Men's Health one time under the name: Herbert J. McBooby.

Also from the Simpsons: Busty St. Clair, Hooty McBooby, Chesty Laroo, and Max Power (from a hairdryer.)

KJ
08-25-2001, 12:54 PM
Stu Pidass: This is my registered name on a lot of internet services

Jack Kingoff: Speaks for itself

Whore O. Matic: Not that witty, but it's hilarious when I register for something on the web and then, even after specifically asking not to, I get spam saying "Matic family reuinion!" or "Important free stuff for Whore O. Matic!" It makes the Spam a lot easier to tolerate.

Shifty McCrapFace: No hidden meaning, it's just a funny name to say out loud.

LaToyota Corolla Falana
08-26-2001, 01:13 AM
I remember reading that the movie star Jim Carrey checked into a NY hotel under the name "Picollo Thunderbutt."

I worked with a guy named "Justin Thyme" (pronounced Justin Time).

I was a passenger in a car when we got rear ended at an intersection. Behind the offender was an unmarked squad car with plain-clothes detectives. They rushed to our door and identified themselves as Detective Jones and Detective Smith (or something), to which the driver of our car said "Ya, and I'm Dick Tracy." Which is his real name. I thought we were going to get shot.

Often I sign in with the hostess at a restaurant as "Christ, Jesus H., party of 13."

I used to have a shirt with a phony name on it's back: Little Ricky Alphonzo del Remos Gonzales, Jr., and on the front was "Juan Tough Dude."

DAVEW0071
08-27-2001, 06:40 AM
I worked with a guy who knew someone named Dick Passwater.

My favorite fake name is the entertainment package dreamed up by S. J. Perelman: Chalky Aftertaste and his Musical Poltroons.

I don't know why, but it really cracks me up.

Sysop
08-27-2001, 11:41 PM
I hope my friend never sees this, cuz it's his REAL name: Kannagassabapathy (Kah'-Nuh-Goss'-uh-BOP'-uh-thee) Rikki Ratnarajah...and I'm Christopher.

Tars Tarkas
08-28-2001, 03:17 PM
Mike Oxwelling


I always use Martin Van Buren as a fake name, you'd be surprised how few people recognize it.

Chekmate
08-28-2001, 03:25 PM
When I was working at the bank, I saw a couple wierd ones on checks:

1. Peggy and Harry Beaver

2. Amanda Koch Tees
(Cock Teese)

I couldn't help but giggle...

Edwardina
08-28-2001, 05:58 PM
Neva Ontheim

Max the Immortal
08-28-2001, 06:21 PM
Of course, there's Mike Oxbig

Scarlett67
08-28-2001, 06:35 PM
You guys are all amateurs. (http://www.hurkvanden.demon.nl/cool/cool.html)

capacitor
08-28-2001, 08:28 PM
Let's see:

Maddick Hertz

Itburz Whenzapi

Lionors
08-28-2001, 08:54 PM
Courtesy of Herman Wouk...

Aida Norfallot.

Oh, and the guy who performed my husband's vasectomy was Dr. Richard Paine (and yes, he went by Dick)...and the one who did the vasectomy reversal was Dr. Cockburn (pronounced coburn).

I can't vouch for Paine, but Cockburn, at least, has a great sense of humor. :)

Qwertyasdfg
08-28-2001, 09:31 PM
Stu Pididiot
Les Bien
Joey Joe Joe Junior Shabadoo (thanks simpsons)

Creaky
08-29-2001, 08:28 AM
Ooops!

Sorry, Crunchy, I just opened this thread today.

I think the name we were discussing was Ozella Nazelrod.

Man, that just has to be the funniest name I have ever heard.

vanilla
08-29-2001, 08:30 AM
I've always liked the brother-sister duo Eileen and Ben Dover

Damhna
08-29-2001, 08:53 AM
I once registered illicitly in a Finnish hotel as Simon Templar.

Upon checking my name the clerk announced "ahhh..welcome back Mr. Templar ...good to have you with us again"

Sheesh! Cant even get a pseudenom right.

For thoose who dont know Simon Templar was the name of the character played by Rodger Moore in "The Saint".

lieu
08-29-2001, 01:34 PM
I don't know if'n he's still there butt the Waco phonebook used to list a guy named Henauder Titzoff. He also chewed our ass when we called to verify.

LaToyota Corolla Falana
08-30-2001, 04:17 PM
Anita Rubdown
Anita Waxing
Anita Deodorant
Anita Dick
Ainta Flogging
Ainta Beer

Our waitress at lunch TODAY was "Barb Horney" (B. Horney)

My sister says she fell for the Mike Hunt name trying to track down overdue library books. Mike Hunt never brought them back!

evilhanz
08-30-2001, 04:23 PM
One of our newest dopers chse the following username:

Payne N. Diaz

Pukka_Ag
08-30-2001, 06:36 PM
Sorry for the interruption (I'm not very good at harassing the bartender with fake names), but I just had to congratulate CrunchyFrog on being a fellow Brunching fan (I saw your sig and almost couldn't contain myself.)

Tony Montana
08-30-2001, 11:56 PM
the helephino ! (cross between hippo,elephant,rhino)
how 'bout "DR.Dick Burns" .....

Pink
09-07-2001, 06:41 PM
My last name is tough too. Mostly I give my dad's first name, Craig.

It's familiar enough that I won't miss it when they say it.

Colibri
09-07-2001, 07:15 PM
My mother swears she went to school with a girl named Ophelia Rasse.

And, honestly, I went to college with a guy named Dick Blewitt.

I have also worked with a Grant Dumbell and a Dick Tracey.

Green Bean
09-07-2001, 09:47 PM
A friend of a friend (really!) is Cliff Torres. Say it fast.

Ruby
09-07-2001, 11:17 PM
Gotta mention Clem Kadiddlehopper from the Red Skelton Show...Yes, kids, that's Red Skelton....comedian....long time ago.....back in the "olden days....:)

AbbySthrnAccent
09-07-2001, 11:40 PM
The "Wongs" when we go for chinese,
"Elmer" at Fuddrucker's,
Dundee at Outback,
Angus at Steak and Ale,
Ahab or Gorton at Red Lobster,
Bubba at Cracker Barrel.

When we eat at new places it's a game to see who can think up the best name to leave. Recently a pizza place opened up near our home with our real last name. We phoned in an order and they asked our name, when told the clerk didn't believe him. We found it rather ironic that the one time we use our real name, we had to show identification to prove it.

Albert Rose
09-08-2001, 10:03 AM
Bob Sparacades.
Paul Molive.
Chris Mustree.
Andy Seppetik.
Jay Walker.

rowrrbazzle
09-08-2001, 05:55 PM
The famous couple, Willie Getsomme and Betty Wohnt.

psychogumby
09-09-2001, 09:35 AM
I once knew a guy called Kim Sizer. We all called him 'Sir'.

Think about it.

Dr.Pinky
10-03-2001, 01:51 AM
In college - (some college - which college? Perhaps Carlton) there was a girl named Jenny Fletcher, which probably isn't funny unless you remember Tom Lehrer's *Vatican Rag*...

bourbonstew
10-03-2001, 03:59 AM
I always liked "Emerson Biggouns"

Mangetout
10-03-2001, 06:05 AM
I know a bloke called Ivor Longstaff

Hope you're not reading this Ivor; if you are, sorry, but it's funny mate.

Iguana Boy
10-03-2001, 07:56 AM
Betty Swollocks

Ruby
10-05-2001, 10:52 PM
My mom told me she knew a man by the name of Longerbone who married a gal by the name of Hollowpeter...

eeeewwwww!

greenlady
10-06-2001, 08:44 AM
There's a real gyn named Dr. Rambush.

And it always cracks me up to hear Dee Dee from Rugrats refer to Dr. Lipschitz.

KP235
10-06-2001, 04:51 PM
There used to be a sign in a Harley shop up in Elyria, Ohio that cracked me up.

It said...

'Helen Wate is our credit manager. If you want credit, go to Helen Wate.'

Airman Doors, USAF
10-06-2001, 08:29 PM
Wow! I can't believe that nobody's said Adolf Oliver Nipples yet! ;)

dogbutler
10-06-2001, 09:08 PM
Real Names

1. From NASCAR: Dick Trickle
2. From my high school: Happy Hussy
3. Hi Opal!