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matt_mcl
11-16-1999, 11:12 PM
Here's a song I remember from my childhood. How do you remember it? Where did it come from?

Miss Suzy had a steamboat,
The steamboat had a bell,
When Suzy went to heaven,
The steamboat went to -
Hello operator,
Please give me number 9,
And if you disconnect me,
I'll kick you in -
Behind the yellow curtain
There was a piece of glass,
Miss Suzy sat upon it,
And hurt her big fat -
Ask me no more questions,
I'll tell you no more lies,
The boys are in the bathroom
Doing up their -
Flies are in the city,
The bees are in the park,
The boys and girls are having fun
And necking in the dark-dark-dark!

Alternate version (different tune):

Three Irishmen, three Irishmen
Were digging in a ditch
One called the other
A dirty son of a -
Beehive corn syrup
Five cents a glass
If you don't like it
Shove it up your -
Ask me no questions
I'll tell you no lies,
If you get hit with a bucket of shit
Be sure to close your eyes!

HeyHomie
11-16-1999, 11:24 PM
Sounds like one of a dozen or so semi-vulgar tunes that we 5th & 6th grade boys would sing on the schoolbus back in the late 70's. Here's another classic:

"Got a skeeter on my peter, whack it off!"

Lord only knows where these things get started.

Kamino Neko
11-16-1999, 11:26 PM
Did you do a clapping game along with it? The version we used was similar to the first.

Lulu had a steamboat,
Her steamboat had a bell,
When Lulu went to Heaven,
That steamboat went to...

Hello operator,
Please give me number nine,
And if you disconnect me,
I'll kick you right....

Behind the yellow curtain,
There was a peice of Glass,
When Lulu sat upon it,
She drove it up her...

Ask me no more questions,
I'll tell you no more lies,
And that's the end of Lulu,
And Steamboat #9!



------------------
'They couldn't hit an Elephant from this dist...!'

Last words of General John Sedgwick

Zulu
11-16-1999, 11:50 PM
Very similar to the first one, I learned it as:

Miss Molly had a steamboat,
The steamboat had a bell,
When Molly went to heaven,
The steamboat went to -
Hello operator,
Give me number 9,
And if you disconnect me,
I'll kick your big -
Behind the old piano,
There was a piece of glass,
Miss Molly sat upon it,
And hurt her little -
Ask me no more questions,
I'll tell you no more lies,
The boys are in the bathroom
Doing up their -
Flies are in the city,
The bees are in the park,
Miss Molly and her boyfriend
Are kissing in the d-a-r-k, d-a-r-k,
Dark, dark, dark!

I actually didn't hear that version until grade 8, when I met a girl who went to a different elementary school. The version from my elementary school ended with:

Behind the old piano, [or sometimes 'iron curtain']
There was a piece of glass,
Miss Molly sat upon it,
And hurt her little -
Ask me for a muffin,
I'll give you some dry bread,
And if you do not like it
You can go and soak your head.

No idea where it comes from, though.

JillGat
11-17-1999, 12:06 AM
Somebody did a PhD dissertation (of course) on these childhood rhyming things. I remember it much like Matt told it, but my seven year old daughter sings it (with the same clapping game) with a verse about plastic surgery I think. When she's up I'll get her version and post it here. Interestingly, in other English speaking countries you hear the same songs with slightly different versions too.

11-17-1999, 01:45 AM
I heard this one this way:

Two Irishmen Two Irishmen
Were digging in a ditch.
One called the other one
A dirty son of a..

Peter Murphy had a dog,
A very fine dog was he.
He gave it to a lady friend
To keep her company.

She taught it, she taught it,
She taught it how to jump.
It jumped right up her panty hose
And bit her on the..

Country boy from Illinois
Was sitting on a rock,
Along came a bumblebee and
Stung him on the..

Cocktails, gingerale,
Five cents a glass.
And if you don't believe me,
Shove it up your..
Ask me no more questions,
I'll tell you no more lies.
And if you get hit with
A bucket of shit,
Be sure to close your eyes!

------------------
The déjà just keeps on vu-ing.

PunditLisa
11-17-1999, 06:38 AM
My version was about "Miss Lucy" and the glass was behind the refrigerator. Oh, and her "ask" was little, not big and fat.

phouka
11-17-1999, 07:14 AM
Mine was the same as Lisa's, but in addition,

the boys are in the bathroom,
making chocolate pies
and lemonaaaaaaaade . . .

And then there was

bo bo skee watten tatten
eh eh eh eh boom boom boom
itty bitty watten tatten
bo bo skee watten tatten
bo bo skee watten tatten
boom!

And I remember something about a rhyme where Miss Suzy had a baby, put him in the tub, the baby drank the water and ate the bathtub, whereupon, Miss Suzy called the doctor. Anyone remember that?

------------------
Will work for sig line.

SqrlCub
11-17-1999, 07:37 AM
My version was similar to Lisa's but it was still Miss Susie. And the last verse went as follows:

The cows are in the meadows
Eating chocolate pies.
There is a new flavor
Cherry coconut
And if you do not like it
I'll shove it up your...
Butt.

MOM!


I am not sure of the question here, but it has many earlier variations like many folk songs. The really strange thing about children's dirty folk songs, is that children keep it alive passing it down to eachother rather than being taught to them by their parents or music teachers.

I remember the Bo bo skee watten totten (sp?). There were many others. Tracing the history of folk songs is oftentimes interesting. I play a lot of folk songs (around 200) and as you go around, the words and melodies aren't always exactly the same, nor are the chords. They are all recognizable as the same song though. I could talk about this all day, but I would rather address Matt's specific question, if he has one.

HUGS!
Sqrl

------------------
Gasoline: As an accompaniement to cereal it made a refreshing change. Glen Baxter

11-17-1999, 08:16 AM
I Never heard this til my husband mentioned it,and then they did it on Rosanne(at the end credits)

Fretful Porpentine
11-17-1999, 10:32 AM
The version I learned was basically the same as Matt's, but it had two more verses:

... Dark is like a movie,
A movie's like a show,
A show is like a program,
And this is what

I know, I know my mother
I know, I know my pa,
I know, I know my sister
With the eight-DD bra.

Oh, the memories...

dfahs
11-18-1999, 12:13 AM
And I remember something about a rhyme where Miss Suzy had a baby, put him in the tub, the baby drank the water and ate the bathtub, whereupon, Miss Suzy called the doctor. Anyone remember that?

Miss Suzy had a baby.
She named him Tiny Tim.
She put him in the bathtub
To see if he could swim.

He drank up all the water.
He ate up all the soap.
He tried to eat the bathtub,
But it wouldn't go down his throat.

Miss Suzy called the doctor.
The doctor called the nurse.
The nurse called the lady
With the alligator purse.

"Mumps," said the doctor.
"Measles," said the nurse.
"Nothing," said the lady
With the alligator purse.

dfahs
11-18-1999, 12:17 AM
Oops. Remembered one more verse. I'm not sure I'm remembering the exact money amounts. Does anybody know if there was some actual treatment between the previous verse I gave and this one?

A dollar for the doctor.
A nickel for the nurse.
Nothing for the lady
With the alligator purse.

Nickrz
11-18-1999, 12:26 AM
You kids go play in MPSIMS.
AND STOP HITTING YOUR SISTER!!

ElwoodCuse
10-19-2001, 10:08 PM
From South Park:

Mrs. Landers was a health nut
She cooked food in a wok
Mr. Harris was her boyfriend
He had a great big
Cock a doodle doodle
The rooster just won't sit
And I don't want my breakfast
Because it tastes like
Shi-tzus make good housepets
They're cuddily and sweet
Monkeys aren't good to have
cause they like to beat
They're meeting in the office
A meeting in the hall
The boss, he wants to see you
So you can suck his
Balzac was a writer
He lived with Alan Funt
Mrs. Roberts didn't like him
but that's cause she's a
contaminated water can really make you sick
your bladder gets infected
and blood comes out your
dictate what I'm saying
Cause it will bring you luck
And if you all don't like it
I don't give a flying f-ck

amarinth
10-19-2001, 11:08 PM
Miss Susie had a steamboat
The steamboat had a bell
Miss Susie went to heaven and
The steamboat went to

Hello, Operator
Please give me #9
And if you disconnect me
I will chop of your

Behind the 'frigerator
There stood a piece of glass
Miss Susie sat upon it
And it went right up her

Ask me no more questions
I'll tell you no more lies
The boys are in the girls room
Pulling down their

Flies are in the city
The bees are in the park
The boys and girls are kissing
in the D-A-R-K, dark

The dark is like a movie
A movie's like a show
A show is like a TVset
With underwear below.

It was a clapping game, learned from other girls.

The baby who ate the soap & water was Mama's baby (not Miss Suzy's) and that was a jump roping thing, the doctor, nurse, and little old lady went in and then they came back out.

hajario
10-19-2001, 11:33 PM
I woke up in my bedroom
I looked upon the wall
The beatles and the bed bugs
were playing a game of ball

The score was six to nothing
the beatles were ahead
the bedbugs hit a home run
and it knocked me out of bed

ask me no more questions
I'll tell you no more lies
if you get hit with a bucket of shit
be sure to close you eyes

----------

there was way more, my little sister used to sing this


Haj

Corrvin
10-19-2001, 11:35 PM
Josepha Sherman, who is perhaps better known as a fantasy writer, actually wrote a book called "Greasy Grimy Gopher Guts" cataloguing the "subversive folklore of childhood." Several versions of "Miss Suzy had a Steamboat" are located within it, as well.

If anyone else just can't get enough of this silly stuff, they might want to find a copy at their local library. Besides, it makes good first-date conversation. ;)

Corr

king of spain
10-19-2001, 11:43 PM
Miss Suzy had a steamboat,
The steamboat had a bell
Miss Suzy went to Heaven,
The steamboat went to -
Hello Operator,
Please give me number 9
And if you disconnect me,
I'll kick you from -
Behind the 'frigerator,
There was a piece of glass
Miss Suzy sat upon it
And cut her little
Ask me no more questions
I'll tell you no more lies
The cows are in the meadow
Making chocolate pies and lemonade!

Toaster
10-19-2001, 11:58 PM
Guess I'm the only poster who always heard it as Miss Suzy going to hell and the steamboat going to heaven (which always made me happy, heh).

DPWhite
10-20-2001, 01:42 AM
I remember this from the 60s. I was 5 or 6. We thought we were so naughty. Then when I went away to college, frat boys had a song (I wasn't in a frat, being the Groucho Marx type) and I'll give you the opening lines, see if you can finish it:

Sheila!

Sheila?

She loves a ...

racinchikki
10-20-2001, 11:30 AM
Originally posted by Toaster
Guess I'm the only poster who always heard it as Miss Suzy going to hell and the steamboat going to heaven (which always made me happy, heh).
Nope, I heard it that way too.

arieanne
10-20-2001, 04:52 PM
We always did it slightly different...

Miss Suzy had a steamboat
The steamboat had a bell
Miss Suzy went to heaven
The steam boat went to --

Hello Operator
Please give me number 9
And if you disconnect me
I'll kick you from --

Behind the 'frigerator
There was a piece of glass
Miss Suzy sat upon it
And broke her little --

Ask me no more questions
I'll tell you know more lies
The boy are in the bathroom
Zipping up their --

Flies are in the park
Miss Suzy and her boyfriend
Are kissing in the
D
a
r
k
D
a
r
k
D
a
r
k
Dark, dark, dark.

There's a clapping game that goes with it.

I also remember one that starts off...

(something) Betty Crocker, sitting in her rocker

But I can't remember the rest of it for my life.

manhattan
10-20-2001, 05:42 PM
Off to Cafe Society.

Mogwei22
10-20-2001, 05:43 PM
Here goes:

Miss Susie had a steamboat
The steamboat had a bell
Miss Susie went to heaven
The steamboat went to

Hello operator
Please give me #9
And if you disconnect me
I'll kick you right behind

The frigerator
There was a piece of glass
Miss Susie sat upon it
It went right up her

Ask me no more questions
Tell me no more lies
The boys are in the girls room
Pulling down their flies

Are in the meadow
The bees are in their hives
Miss Susie and her boyfriend
Are kissing in the
D A R K
D A R K
Dark dark dark.

dont' remember the rest..... has anyone heard this one(involves clapping):

Oh jolly playmate
Come out and play with me
And bring your dolly three
Climb up my apple tree
Slide down my rainbow
Into my cellar door
And we'll be jolly friends
Forever more more more more more

Oh jolly enemy
Come out and fight with me
And bring your soldier three
Climb up my pricker tree
Slide down my razor blade
Into my dungeon door
And we'll be jolly enemies
Forever more more more more more

Arden Ranger
10-20-2001, 06:46 PM
Who is this Miss Suzy upstart and how did she get possession of Mary's steamboat?

Chronos
10-20-2001, 07:49 PM
That should be "slide down my rain barrell", and "swing on my cellar door". I've never heard the enemy stanza, though.

Mogwei22
10-20-2001, 08:50 PM
Hmm...I never heard it that way Chronos....but by the Suzy/Susie thread proves that the song seems different depending on where you grew up......thank you for letting me know that I didn't make up the Jolly Friend/Enemy though...I've asked so many people and no one seemed to know.

elfkin477
10-21-2001, 01:17 PM
Originally posted by Mogwei22
Here goes:

Miss Susie had a steamboat
The steamboat had a bell
Miss Susie went to heaven
The steamboat went to

Hello operator
Please give me #9
And if you disconnect me
I'll kick you right behind

The frigerator
There was a piece of glass
Miss Susie sat upon it
It went right up her

Ask me no more questions
Tell me no more lies
The boys are in the girls room
Pulling down their flies

Are in the meadow
The bees are in their hives
Miss Susie and her boyfriend
Are kissing in the
D A R K
D A R K
Dark dark dark.


This is the closest to the version I learned. Except our version said she cut her little ask. The "mean" versions of Jolly Playmate were different, though. Something about poisoned apples and barbed wire...

racinchikki
10-21-2001, 03:27 PM
I've been thinking and thinking and thinking and I can't remember the last verse of how I learned that song. What I do remember:

Miss Suzie had a steamboat
The steamboat had a bell
The steamboat went to heaven
Miss Suzie went to
Hello operator
Give me number nine
And if you disconnect me
I'll kick in your
Behind the 'frigerator
There was a piece of glass
Miss Suzie sat upon it
And broke her little
Ask me no more questions
I'll tell you no more lies
The girls are in the boys' room
Zipping up their
Flies are in the meadow
The bees are in the park
Miss Suzie and her boyfriend
Are kissing in the d-a-r-k, d-a-r-k, d-a-r-k
Darker than [I forget]
Darker than [I forget]
Darker than the underwear
My mama puts on me