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Jack Batty
08-29-2001, 11:06 PM
I'm almost positive this has been done before, but what the hell -- new forum and all ...


I've stated before that I'm a push over. I like almost every movie I go to see. At least I very rarely actively hate a movie (although Planet of the Apes almost shook me of that habit).

But I can say without a doubt that the worst movie I've ever paid to see was Klippendorf's Tribe. I had gone to see it with my wife and several members of her family, so I couldn't walk out, but oh man did I want to.

It was painful to watch, I felt sorry for Richard Dreyfuss. I have no idea what possessed him to make that movie. Probably kissing Jenna Elfman.

Primaflora
08-29-2001, 11:08 PM
The Carebears movie.

Oh the joy of sharing movies with the offspring!

Katisha
08-29-2001, 11:16 PM
I inflicted Pearl Harbor on myself in order to see the Lord of the Rings trailer. It's a good thing that trailer was worth it, because the movie was painful in the extreme.

I thought about walking out, but then figured "Hell, I've seen two hours and haven't died, so I might as well stick it out." I should have walked out.

handandahalf
08-29-2001, 11:22 PM
Mission to Mars. The only reason that I didn't walk out was the fact that my friend's VERY hot younger sister seemed to be enjoying herself, and she was sitting next to me...

Turns out that she hated the movie almost as much as I did, and was smiling because she noticed that my attention kept drifting to her.

Gala Matrix Fire
08-29-2001, 11:25 PM
Leaving Las Vegas was excruciating. Once again, I was with my parents, and Dad seemed to like it, otherwise I most DEFINITELY would have walked out. I spent the last hour WAITING and HOPING for at least Nicholas Cage, if not also Elizabeth Shue, to die. It took WAY too long.

Crunchy Frog
08-29-2001, 11:25 PM
Barton Fink.

I normally like the Coen Brothers, but man I was pissed about paying to see that.

Enderw24
08-29-2001, 11:35 PM
Well, I didn't actually pay for this movie. I was only about 7 at the time so my parents paid for it. But it was the suckiest suckfest that ever did suck.

The movie was called TM. It was about a little girl who loves a robot too much and so the ever so precocious robot named itself Too Much. TM. I've never before or since heard the audience groan at a movie, but when we saw a black sheet with holes punched through it trying to pass for the night sky, no one could contain themselves. Anyway, she runs away with the robot, through Japan, meeks a perky Japanese boy, and they have a grand adventure elluding the evil mean bad guys who want to steal TM for their nefarious purposes.

***HUGE TM SPOILER!!!!***












The good guys win. The bad guys don't. Children everywhere sing "Hooooray for TM! Hoooooray for TM!" Crimeny, it's been 17 years and I can't get the damn song out of my head.

Lemur866
08-29-2001, 11:39 PM
I was visiting an old college buddy and we needed to see a movie. So, check the listings. Hmmmm...something science fictiony, actiony, bare-breasty....

How about "Species II"? After all, "Species" wasn't SOOOO bad, and there were cool aliens, and it had that chick, and she had bare breasts and all. So off we go.

"Species II" was the absolute worst movie I have ever, ever paid to see. I mean, I've seen worse stuff on TV, cable or video, but in a theater? It was really really horrible. And you couldn't even see that one chick's breasts very well.

The runner up was "Armageddon".

Enderw24
08-29-2001, 11:39 PM
I apologize for the inaccuracy I have just discovered in the above post. It has only been 14 years since TM was released. Looking it up on IMDB reveals that, of the four main actors, this was the last acting job for two of them and the other two couldn't find work until EIGHT years later. This should tell you something about the effect this movie had SAG and the population in general.
That damn song is still in my head.

Dr. Rieux
08-29-2001, 11:41 PM
A tossup between Armageddon and Showgirls.

Smeghead
08-29-2001, 11:48 PM
Wing Commander. I only paid 50 cents to see it, but I was still pissed about it.

I'd include Armageddon, but I think we snuck into that one.

Revedge
08-29-2001, 11:51 PM
Boy, you youngsters today don't know how good you have it. In my time there were movies so bad that they caused so much brain damage in the audience that they had to get lobotomies just to raise their IQ enough to be able to drive home. (Through ten feet of snow. Uphill each way.)

Nightfall had to be one of the worst. They managed to take one of the classic works of science fiction and screw it up.

And I have yet to see a good version of a Heinlein book.

Of course Lost Horizon is probably the worst mainstream movie ever made. It was so bad I wanted to demand my money back even though I was seeing it for free.

Atreyu
08-29-2001, 11:55 PM
Godzilla, the one with Matthew Broderick and that POS actress.

Stoid
08-30-2001, 12:50 AM
The Cell leaps to mind.

I'm pretty good about knowing before I see it whether I'll be able to extract some pleasure from a film. The Cell suckered me the same way it suckered everyone: fabulous visuals.

But my ass was aching 20 minutes into it.

stoid

PS: I assume the OP means "Paid to go out to see" because I have paid for almost every movie I've ever seen because I rent like a fool.

And I'm worse than ever before. Netflix rocks.

HP Ellison
08-30-2001, 01:24 AM
Barton Fink a bad movie?? For shame! It's one of the greatest movies I've ever seen! The metaphors, the *incredible* performance put in by John Goodman...perhaps the ultimate fusion of comedy and sheer, gut-wrenching despair. My god, man!

NightRabbit
08-30-2001, 01:38 AM
Halloween H20. It was just a movie night with friends, but we groaned through the whole thing and, although it lasted a good hour and a half, the plot was so simple and stupid that when we got out we would have swore the whole thing was only about 30-45 minutes long...

Darwin's Finch
08-30-2001, 01:44 AM
Dungeons & Dragons. Yup, in the theatre.

I figured, "Hey, I'm a gamer-geek! I've played D&D! This could be cool!"

Oh, how wrong I was.

It might have been more enjoyable if the producers, director, actors, screenwriter, and everyone else involved in the making of this film had just taken a dump on the audience instead of making the movie.

I had heard that Battlefield Earth was the Biggest Steaming LoadTM to hit theatres in a very long time, if not ever. I watched it when it got to cable, just to see. It was better than D&D.

uglybeech
08-30-2001, 02:09 AM
I got you all beat.
I paid to see Waterworld.
I sat through it.
Should I admit that?

Tamerlane
08-30-2001, 02:11 AM
Well 2000 Miles to Graceland was pretty fucking bad. But I'm going to go with Darwin's Finch and agree that Dungeons and Dragons ( I was bored, it was a matinee, but I still should hsave known better ) was, hands down, the worst film I've seen in a decade. Even Showgirls has more going for it ( somehow ). When the hero screamed ( in an almost theatrically bad tone of voice ) "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO...." when his annoying, steppin' fetchit-style sidekick bought it, I couldn't even laugh. I just sat there, stupefied.

Crunchy Frog: With all due respect, you're nuts :D . Barton Fink is a great film, with one of Goodman's best performances. The Coen brothers can do no wrong ;) .

- Tamerlane

Nocturne
08-30-2001, 03:13 AM
Crazy/Beautiful.

I was with two other females who refused to see A.I. with me, so I went to that movie with them.

It wasn't a horrific movie, I just never would've paid to see it on my own.

Juniper200
08-30-2001, 03:17 AM
The Kilmer/Brando Island of Dr. Moreau. I want those hours back with interest. It was bad to begin with, and just when you thought it couldn't get any worse, the director would ramp up the repulsion with Val Kilmer in a ill-fitting sarong and a grubby pig-woman. And then they'd throw in that Brando homonculus. What the hell were they thinking? What the hell was I thinking?

Chas.E
08-30-2001, 03:53 AM
The ultimate horror: I was hornswaggled into seeing "Come Back to the Five and Dime, Jimmy Dean, Jimmy Dean." Just think of Cher, Karen Black, and Sandy Dennis trying to do some serious acting. Quite possibly this is the worst movie ever made.

Spiny Norman
08-30-2001, 04:12 AM
Highlander II. I win.

Redboss
08-30-2001, 04:19 AM
Hair

I grew up on the Original Cast album, could sing every line:

...tell him Angela and I
don't want the two dollars back,
just him...

...sodomy,
fellatio
cunnilingus
pederasty..

...I would just like to say
that it is my conviction
that longer hair and other flamboyant
affections
of appearance
are nothing more
than the male's emergence
from his drab camouflage
into the gaudy plumage
that is the birthright
of his
sex...

and I truly believed the human body was beautiful, and that the war in vietnam was evil.

Then, years later, I heard at last they'd made a movie, and that Twyla Tharp had choreographed it in her own inimitable style (I'd never seen it, just read about it)

I race to see it, and I hated every minute of it. I hated the people up there on the screen. I actually wanted to hurt Treat Williams!

I left the cinema before the film ended, straightening my tie and angrily clutching my briefcase to my side...


No. It wasn't me - that's a joke. It really was a noxious film. Never even saw much dancing I'm afraid.


Redboss

Gartog
08-30-2001, 05:23 AM
I have to agree with Dungeons & Dragons I htought that this could have been such a good movie - unfortuantly it was the worst I have ever seen. Ever. It steals from some big hit movies (Star wars, Indian Jones(The Maze sequence) but badly -

Urghhhhhh

teigra
08-30-2001, 06:46 AM
It would have to be Magnolia.

It just seemed too long, over three hours.

I usually really like those movies with many stories wrapped around oneanother. It had a few good moments but as
I said before, it was too long and got boring.

TheNewbie
08-30-2001, 07:17 AM
C'mon guys, hands down it has got to be "The Fast and the Furious". My jaw hurt from yawning during the movie.

Junior Spaceman
08-30-2001, 07:26 AM
I find it hard to even type the name of the movie, but it's the longest, most horrible piece of nonsense ever: Meet Joe Black. You know how some movies are so bad they're good? Well this one's so bad it comes back in the other side (ala Pacman) and it's back at being really really bad. I have to echo the old piece of advice to anyone who sees this on a shelf at the video library, which is that you shouldn't even borrow a video on the same shelf, in case it's contagious.

Some death metal band named their record after this movie, which isn't funny at all, actually. It stands as the most evil record title ever, bringing to mind as it does, the worst piece of ... damn, I'm waxing lyrical now. It doesn't deserve any words, just a sign on all copies of the video with 'WRONG WAY - GO BACK'.

Why A Duck
08-30-2001, 07:43 AM
In defense of Crunchy, Barton Fink was one of the worst suckjob movies to hit the screens in years.

Let me define my parameters. Was it as bad as Battle Beyond the Stars? Was it as bad as Ishtar? Was it as bad as almost any Julia Roberts movie? Of course not. But coming from the Coen boys, there is a certain caliber of film expected.

Normally I'm a big Coen Bros. fan, Miller's Crossing is still one of my favorite movies of all time. However, with Barton Fink they seemed to be trying to see how far they can push the audience. Plot? We don't need no stinkin' plot that makes sense. It does have some great talent in it like Turturro, Goodman, John Mahoney, and one of my faves Jon Politto. But it just never clicked. It had a promising start, but then just devolved into a huge test of patience. You've got to be careful when you shoot for the weird end of the movie spectrum. You can either succeed like Erasehead or Ken Russell's Gothic or you can bomb like Barton Fink.

My own pick for worst movie I've paid to see: Robocop 2, 'nuff said.

TroubleAgain
08-30-2001, 08:02 AM
Scary Movie.

CalMeacham
08-30-2001, 08:20 AM
At the risk of coming off like a neanderthal, I gotta agree with Crunchy -- I hated Barton Fink. But it's not the worst, even to my neanderthal sensibilities.

There have been a lot of good suggestions here. I'll agree with:

Battlefield Earth
RoboCop2
Lost Horizon (The musical version -- I showed it at my Bad Film Festival this year)

Zaphod Beeblebrox
08-30-2001, 08:21 AM
If I may cheat a little, and interpret "paid" as meaning "either saw in a theatre, or rented," then Gone With The Wind is by far the worst movie I've ever seen.

And yes, Dungeons and Dragons supersucked, and ripped off Star Wars: The Phantom Menace at every turn (I hated that film too, btw).

I was a little bit surprised that Leaving Las Vegas was mentioned here. Don't get me wrong, I disliked it thoroughly, but I don't know what it did to qualify as a "worst movie." It was pretty frikking bad, but I've seen worse.

DynoSaur
08-30-2001, 08:32 AM
Starship Troopers. No contest. There were one or two redeeming qualities to the movie, but they were both attached to the redhead...

Juniper200
08-30-2001, 08:44 AM
Originally posted by Zaphod BeeblebroxIf I may cheat a little, and interpret "paid" as meaning "either saw in a theatre, or rented," then Gone With The Wind is by far the worst movie I've ever seen.
I'm curious, 'brox. Why do you feel this way? I'm not questioning your right to this opinion and/or your sanity (okay, maybe just a little :D), but I think you're definitely in the minority on this GWTW=Major Suckage thing and I'd like to know where that comes from.

I'll agree on Mission to Mars doing the Hoover. Before then, I'd never seen a movie so bad that major laws of physics allowed themselves to be broken in order for it to end sooner.

Ethilrist
08-30-2001, 08:49 AM
Eliminators. "A former pilot rebels against his creator, teaming up with the scientist responsible for android technology, her pet robot Spot, a rough-and-tumble riverboat guide, and a martial arts warrior."

Starring Denise Crosby.

No, really!

CalMeacham
08-30-2001, 08:56 AM
Ethilrist, I paid to see that movie, and it's GREAT! I showed it at a Bad Film Festival years ago. Just because a movie is substandard and stupid is no reason to day it's BAD. I'd rather watch The Eliminators again than watch Waterworld

Zaphod Beeblebrox
08-30-2001, 09:00 AM
Juniper. Aside from its soporific storyline, and its characters that no sane person could ever like - or even think of as "human", GWTW is also the most bigoted film ever made. And if my thinking so puts me in the minority, then I'm in good company. *insert smiley*

Seriously, I've met many people who thought the same thing. OTOH, I've met many people who wanted to question my sanity. *insert another smiley*

Little note: maybe I should get over my profound dislike of emoticons. It takes more time and effort to write *insert smiley* than it does to make one. Oh well. Another bullet in the gun of those who wish to question my sanity. *you know the drill, just insert the damn thing*

THespos
08-30-2001, 09:05 AM
The Adventures of Baron Munchausen (sp? I wouldn't look up the proper spelling on IMDB if you paid me.)

I walked out. I also endured criticism from people who are into movies WAY more than I am for doing so.

friedo
08-30-2001, 09:06 AM
I'd have to say it's a tossup between Stepmom and Pootie Tang (which I walked out of after about 20 minutes.)

Oh, and TroubleAgain, Scary Movie was brilliant.

Spudo
08-30-2001, 09:08 AM
Battlefield Earth by far. Easily the worst movie I've ever seen.

Zaphod Beeblebrox
08-30-2001, 09:09 AM
Yeah, I had a few chuckles when I watched Scary Movie. I don't know if I'd call it "brilliant," but I certainly wouldn't put it in a list of the worst movies I've seen.

Juniper200
08-30-2001, 09:10 AM
Not to totally hijack the thread, but Gone With the Wind is the most bigoted film ever made? I take it you've never gotten any of this Birth of a Nation (http://us.imdb.com/Title?0004972) action.

Other than that, I am willing to agree to disagree at this point and watch the thread develop, free and unfettered by petty squabbles.

Zaphod Beeblebrox
08-30-2001, 09:19 AM
Apologizing for the slight thread drift...

Point taken. I should have phrased it better. GWTW is the most CELEBRATED uber-racist film ever made. It goes without saying that other films were more explicitly racist (hell, you can easily find films made by skinheads, and for skinheads on video). However, GWTW is the most racist film to have received that much popular acclaim.

And I doubt this would turn into a squabble. I stated an opinion, you asked me to elaborate, and we don't agree. That's perfectly fine. No squabble here.

storyteller0910
08-30-2001, 09:26 AM
Well, this seems like a nice safe topic with which to delurk -

I have seen many bad movies in my life. Because I love going to the theater, I've paid full price for most of them. Nothing has ever made me as angry as "Drowning Mona." I was angry at the screenwriter, for evidently slamming his/her head repeatedly into a concrete wall before going to work on the nonsensical dialogue. I was angry at the director. I was angry at my lovely wife, for suggesting that we see it in the first place. I was angry at the ticket takers, at the projectionist... even my popcorn didn't taste good.

Excuse me, I have to go lie down now.

Tamerlane
08-30-2001, 09:32 AM
Zaphod Beeblebrox: To continue this hijack even further - Actually Birth of a Nation still wins the crown ;) . It is, in fact, perhaps one of the most celebrated films of all time. As a milestone in cinema, it holds a far more important place than GWTW. And it is racist to an almost staggering degree. But I agree with you in one respect - I didn't like GWTW either :) .


I still think that Barton Fink was good film ;) . I also liked The Adventures of Baron Munchausen. But hey, each to their own :) . I'm also on the anti-Scary Movie side :D .

- Tamerlane

Legomancer
08-30-2001, 09:35 AM
Where do I begin?

Laserblast - I paid money to see it when years later I could have seen it on MST3K.

Leviathan - ever wondered what Alien would be like if it was stupid and you didn't care about any of the people in it? Here's a movie for you!

Elvira, Mistress of the Dark - Okay, I can't really fault anyone else for this. I can't say I didn't know what I was getting myself into. The trailer did make it look funnier than it was, though. But it was god awful.

The Witches of Eastwick - shudder.

The Seventh Sign - Demi Moore, not Ingmar Bergman. Fortunately I missed signs one through six.

Ghostbusters 2 I saw for FREE and still felt owed something.

now, to the modern era:

Species - I didn't want to see this, but a friend said it was supposed to be good, so I went. After it was over and I was yelling at him for making me see this waste of time, he said, "Oh I knew it was going to suck, so I didn't mind it." Jerk.

The Fifth Element - disappointing because buried within it was an entertaining, fun movie. Unfortunately it was surrounded by a numbingly stupid and obnoxious one.

The Blair Witch Project - I've had scarier haircuts than this thing.

and finally, the creme de la creme: Event Horizon. Where do I begin to describe the sheer awfulness of this dreck? After seeing either it or the Blair Witch Project, I don't remember which came first, I decided I was seeing too many movies, so I quit.

These days I hardly see any movies, and I don't miss them. When something's worth seeing, like Memento, I find out about it and go see it. I read reviews, trust my gut, and won't see ANYTHING on its opening weekend. As a result I haven't seen any bad movies in the past two years, except one:

Tomb Raider - I went to this thing knowing it was scoring 15% on Rotten Tomatoes and was being called stupid even for a stupid action movie. But the wife wanted to see it for some reason, so we went. The most it did was confirm that my decision not to see as many movies was a good one.

Zaphod Beeblebrox
08-30-2001, 09:36 AM
I think it depends on how one defines "most celebrated." BOAN might have marked a milestone in cinema, and might indeed be a more important film, but GWTW is a more well known film, at least with the general population. I think just about everybody who's seen a movie knows of GWTW. However, the same cannot be said for BOAN.

Superdude
08-30-2001, 09:36 AM
Toss up between Tank Girl, It Could Happen to You, and Hannibal.

Cheesesteak
08-30-2001, 09:42 AM
Darkman is the king of my awful movies, with The Jetsons Movie coming in a close second. Ugh, what were we thinking?

Kwyjibo
08-30-2001, 09:43 AM
Critters2 (http://us.imdb.com/Title?0094919)
<shudder>

(I actually liked Darkman...it was odd, but I enjoyed it.)

Legomancer
08-30-2001, 09:43 AM
On another note, I'm not trying to start a flamewar here, so I'll retract my question if necessary, but I see a lot of movies that were awful coming out of the gate. Dungeons and Dragons, Battlefield Earth, and a few others got TERRIBLE, scathing reviews. I'm just curious, but does no one read reviews? I can understand not trusting one or two reviewers, but it seems to me that if nearly every reviewer is trying to fumigate himself after seeing something, you should maybe take a step back before buying that ticket.

For that reason, I love Rotten Tomatoes. Even if I don't like any one particular reviewer, the sum total of them is pretty powerful, and I can also see how positive the positive reviews were (to me, "brainless fun" isn't a positive review, nor is "sucks, but not as much as I thought it would.)

Of course, like I said above, I allowed myself to be dragged to Tomb Raider, which was getting awful reviews, but that was under duress.


One more thing: Dungeons and Dragons, while truly awful, can be fun if you see it with your gaming buddies. We did and howled with laughter.

Jet Jaguar
08-30-2001, 09:45 AM
For me, it would be a tossup between Mom and Dad Save the World and Mortal Kombat: Annihilation, with MKA just barely edging out M&DSTW. At least I knew M&DSTW was going to suck hard before I entered the theatre (my sister wanted to see it).

ladybug
08-30-2001, 09:52 AM
Originally posted by Atreyu
Godzilla, the one with Matthew Broderick and that POS actress.

You beat me to it, Atreyu. The only reason I went was because my mom was supposed to take my sister to see it, but mom had too much work to do that weekend so I volunteered to take my sister instead.

Mom gave me the money to take her, but I still feel like I was ripped off.

Drastic
08-30-2001, 09:54 AM
I dunno. My opinion of John Goodman changed entirely with Barton Fink. I'll always have fond memories of him running down a flaming hallway with shotgun blazing, screaming about the life of the mind. Not my favorite Coen Brothers work otherwise, but I did enjoy it.

Paid as in theater, the worst would be Phantoms, a direct-to-video affair that somehow managed a quantum-movie-tunneling jump to theatrical release. On the upside, it made one of the lines in Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back between Matt Damon and Ben Afleck much more amusing, where Damon enthusiastically opined that his friend's unfortunate movies aside, he was DA BOMB in Phantoms, and they high-five.

Paid as in rental, well I derive entertainment from most bad movies. Others, I just don't, f'r'instance: Very Bad Things was one of the first movies I ever turned off halfway through; I gather it was supposed to be funny, I found it instead to be a tedious exercise of despicable characters shrieking unconvincingly at each other. Battlefield Earth was...what it was.

Tamerlane
08-30-2001, 10:01 AM
Zaphod beebelbrox: Point conceeded :) .

Legomancer: Egads - I'm with you on Laser Blast. I saw that in a theatre as well. I was overjoyed when MST3K used it in one of their mock-fests :) .

As to Dungeons and Dragons - Well, I was expecting crap, to be honest. But fun crap with cool special effects and Jeremy Irons being evil :D . Not festeringly bad, worm-ridden crap, that was so bad I couldn't even laugh at it comfortably. And no, I don't always trust reviewers ;) .

Now mind you, I could laugh at NOW. It would be fun to deconstruct with some buddies. But at the time it was just dumbfoundingly bad.

Superdude: I liked Tankgirl :) . Strangely enough, actually, because Lori Petty usually annoys the bejesus out of me. But I thought it was an imaginative translation of a comic book into a comic-book-like movie.

- Tamerlane

Tamerlane
08-30-2001, 10:03 AM
Drastic: Oh yes, Very Bad Things was very bad indeed.

I also hated Feeling Minnesota. Yechh. What a wretched bunch of depressing characters.

- Tamerlane

Superdude
08-30-2001, 10:15 AM
Originally posted by Tamerlane

Superdude: I liked Tankgirl :) . Strangely enough, actually, because Lori Petty usually annoys the bejesus out of me. But I thought it was an imaginative translation of a comic book into a comic-book-like movie.

- Tamerlane

I liked Lori Petty until this movie. But I wouldn't hit a dog in the ass with this movie. I'd rather pound my nuts flat with a wooden hammer than watch it again.

SmackFu
08-30-2001, 10:18 AM
Mission to Mars was excruciating. I hated the plot, I hated the acting, I even hated the score. I went because the reviews weren't that bad, and because there isn't much hard sci-fi in movies nowadays, but what a bad mistake.

Danimal
08-30-2001, 10:44 AM
The worst movie I ever paid to see (50-cent rental) was Deathstalker. And I am not kidding you when I say it was far worse than Pearl Harbor, Dungeons & Dragons, The Island of Dr. Moreau or even Wing Commander. The movie made me feel physically sick, and managed to make beautiful, naked women unattractive - no small feat there.

The worst movie I ever paid to see in a theater was Chain Reaction (narrowly nosing out Payback). Ordinary bad action films (and even some reasonably good ones) resemble a filled-out form: sexy hero, check, sultry leading lady, check, hissable villain, check, etc. But Chain Reaction resembles a form that has been left blank; you can see the empty spaces where the Evil Plot, the Stunning Revelation, and the like were supposed to have been inserted, but no one ever bothered to actually do it.

Oh, and by the way . . . no, I can't say it. Oh, God, I've got to. I liked Mission to Mars. No, really, I did.

Aodoi
08-30-2001, 10:47 AM
I've been dragged to a couple comedies by friends that were so painful I think they cry out for nominations. The first was "Dracula: Dead and Loving it" ... the reason I now avoid any Mel Brooks film made in the last 2 decades. The ONLY good line in the whole thing was in the previews.

The other was "Ace Ventura 2," which is the perfect demonstration of why actors should not be given total control over their movies. The worst part was, my friends were laughing... and they were the only ones in the theater doing so. Ever tried to disappear into a theater chair since people are staring at your insane friends?

I've seen bits of Waterworld and Battlefield Earth on cable... and I'm very, very glad I didn't see them in the theater. They are so bad they're not even worth watching to make fun of them...

katiekilldare
08-30-2001, 11:24 AM
I'm with Legomancer about Event Horizon.
[Mrs. White from Clue]
I hated it soooo much, it, it, the, flames. FLAMES on the side of my face...
[/Mrs. White from Clue]

Also detested Batman and Robin and Warren Beatty's latest effort, Town & Country. HORRIBLE.

CalMeacham
08-30-2001, 11:25 AM
It just hit me -- an obscure film called Gas is excruciatingly bad -- so bad it's not worth showing at a Bad Film Festival. What makes it worse is the presence of Donald "I'll Do Anything for a Buck" Sutherland appearing in scenes that have nothing to do with the rest of the picture. It's obvious they filmed his stuff first (or last), then just cut it in with the other scenes. Then they feature his name prominently to draw in the crowds. The killer is that he's such a good actor. I know that other actors do this, especially when they need the cash (Donalf Pleasance, Laurence Olivier made some incredibly bad stuff just for the bucks), but Sutherland seems guilty of it more often.



And -- Gone with the Wind a BAD movie? Them's fightin' words. I know there are people who say that the movie is simple-minded and racist and romanticizes the Old South, but -- to be blunt -- they're wrong. The movie portrays the Civil War as seen by Southern society. The novel was incredibly well researched. That's the way it was, folks. The Southern aristocracy lived that way, and didn't think of themselves as cruel exploiters of the blacks. Considering that the movie proceeds from their POV, how should the movie portray them? As for perpetuating stereotypes -- I would never have thought of Irish Catholic slaveholders. That's pretty far from the usual image, but Mitchell based it on her researches and (I believe) her own family.

BunnyGirl
08-30-2001, 11:27 AM
Oh, this is easy: Battlefield Earth. Yes, I paid to see it and I despised John Travolta, even before this joke. This is the one time I should've listened to the critics. They and I don't usually agree so I don't pay them any mind, typically.

Don't get me wrong, Bunny loves her some science-fiction. I liked Waterworld, Tank Girl, even Mission to Mars. The original of Battlefield Earth should be destroyed and the viewing or forced viewing of any copies declared "inhumane" by the Geneva Convention.

ChoosyChipsAndCeilingWhacks
08-30-2001, 11:48 AM
The back of my head is IN a bad movie: Grandview USA. This nasty little secret of some otherwise successful people was filmed in and around the area where I grew up. A rather unusual occurance, considering I grew up on a farm where the nearest town had a population of 150.

Jamie Lee Curtis, C. Thomas Howell, Patrick Swayze, and Troy Donahue were in it. They used extras from the locale to fill in on a particularly awful "prom scene" among others It's this horrid tale about the Howell kid not wanting to do what his father wants him to regarding college, and there's a demolition derby sub-plot thrown in. Ouch.

The truly pathetic thing about it though, is that every once in awhile I'll see it on USA or something and I can't tear my eyes away. "Look, it's the courthouse! Hey, was that Ike's car? That's mainstreet when Square West used to be there! Amazing! Hey, did you see the back of my head? Did you see it? It was right there! I can't believe you missed it!"

If you're not in it, I'd avoid it. A wretched work.

Jack Batty
08-30-2001, 11:49 AM
First of all, without being taken too seriously and dragged into the pit, whoever it was who said Leaving Las Vegas was horrible - you are the Anti-Christ. I love that movie - I cry like a little girl every time I watch it.

Other movies mentioned here that, while I don't think are particularly great movies, I like them:

Blair Witch Project
Starship Troopers
Armageddon
Tomb Raider
I even kind of liked Waterworld -- I told you I was a push over.

Oh, and one other thing ... I think I blocked this from my memory as I would a traumatic experience - ...

The Mummy Returns - that movie was so bad I feel I need a shower for just admitting to have seen it.

Michael Ellis
08-30-2001, 11:49 AM
Crocodile, a Thai monster film. I reviewed this movie here (http://www.badmovieplanet.com/cgi-bin/ikonboard/topic.cgi?forum=5&topic=50).

Ellen Cherry
08-30-2001, 12:08 PM
I don't see many movies these days in the theater and I'm awfully disappointed when I plunk down cash for a stinker. The latest was Vertical Limit. I'd just read "Into Thin Air" and was on a mountain-climbing high. Somehow I'd gotten the idea that this was a dramatization of the events in that book. Groan. It was a stupid action film, no different than any other stupid action film, except we had the bad guy in a parka instead of a jungle, desert, urban landscape, etc., etc. I think I was most offended by the fact that the actors sometimes went without gloves, and I'd just been reading about people whose noses were falling off from frost bite and had to use oxygen to breathe.

I also paid for Independence Day, which I thought was an insult to science fiction. It had an interesting premise (bigger and more powerful aliens come and it looks like we could actually be wiped out ..gasp.) But no, they've got to put the president in a fighter plane and have him save the day. As a side issue, I was completely annoyed by the Will Smith girlfriend, who's supposed to be this wonderful woman that Her Man Will Do Anything To Get Home To. What job to they stick her with? Dancer. "Ballet?" "No, exotic." In the world of cliched movies, an exotic dancer is a noble professon, besmirched by poor narrow-minded puritans who don't understand what an elevated calling this is. What crap. They're strippers and what they do cheapens all of womankind. [/rant]

I'd like to know what's wrong with The Fifth Element. I've rarely seen a fresher and more interesting movie.

And, I must add that I've never been enamored with Gone With the Wind, the movie. I'd read the book several times before seeing it, and it seemed such a pale imitation that I've never been able to muster much excitement for it. The costumes don't seem to be correctly period, and this bugs me. Clark Gable's delivery of the famous "Frankly, my dear I don't give a damn" is glib and about as meaningful as flipping Scarlett the finger. Rhett Butler by the end of the novel was a man who'd given up hope, wore down by years of Scarlett's fickle neglect, by the death of his daughter, by age and time. His "I don't give a damn" is a dejected admission that Scarlett's love ought to make him happy, but he's just too tired to care.

Oh and, (I can't believe I'm going to admit this) ... Kevin Costner with gills is, somehow, an exciting thing. Makes my flippers stand up.... ;)

Oblong
08-30-2001, 12:15 PM
Other People's Money

I literally put my head up against the wall and went to sleep.

Miss Creant
08-30-2001, 12:16 PM
I had a hard time with this one until I remembered
SPAWN
Hated the credits
Hated the script
Hated the effects

at one point in this piece of crap, the older mentor places his hand on Spawn's shoulder and says "you have much to learn my son". It was at this moment that I audibly groaned and put my head on my knees. My friend patted me on the shoulder and said it was almost over. HE WAS WRONG!
I'm guessing they didn't want to waste any money on words so they pulled it out of The Big Book of Cliches and spent it all on effects.

GOD IT SUCKKKKKKEDDDD

Legomancer
08-30-2001, 12:22 PM
Originally posted by Ellen
I also paid for Independence Day, which I thought was an insult to science fiction.

I forgot about that one. Another one that made me realize I was paying for too much crap.


I'd like to know what's wrong with The Fifth Element. I've rarely seen a fresher and more interesting movie.


For me it was Chris Tucker that really pushed it over the edge. I could not STAND him or his character. I was fully willing to have the world destroyed in the film if it meant getting him off the screen.

I also just felt it was a bunch of wasted opportunities. Nothing was as interesting as it clearly could have been. For example, there's an extended scene where Gary Oldman demonstrates the capabilities of the weapons that are being sold, and they can do allsorts of cool things. For the rest of the movie, these cool weapons with scads of features are simply machine guns.

I just found it really dull. A lot of setup, little to no payoff.

Kilt-wearin' man
08-30-2001, 01:18 PM
Ummm...how about "Armed and Dangerous"? John Candy's worst effort, featuring Eugene Levy being anything but funny. It was the first time I ever wanted my money back for a movie.

AV8R
08-30-2001, 02:19 PM
I remember hating Meet the Applegates because of the following subplot:

1) High school alien girl gets raped,
2) becomes pregnant as a result,
3) a few months later she gets into an argument with a man who came to the door,
4) the man shoves her down to the floor,
5) she has a spontaneous miscarriage, and immediately delivers some alien larva,
6) the larva rolls across the floor towards the man,
7) the man stomps on it,
8) larva goo explodes all over the room.

I think this movie was supposed to be a comedy.
People were walking out - I should have been one of them.

ElDestructo
08-30-2001, 02:58 PM
*Anything by the producer/director team of Bruckheimer / Bay (Armageddeon, Pearl Harbor, etc.) is going to marketing-dpeartment-driven drivel. It will not be badgood.

*Battlefield Earth was crap lousy, but managed to be badgood.

*I'm a big Prince fan, but Under the Cherry Moon is one of the worst films ever made. I watched it and Plan 9 From Outer Space back to back, and Plan 9 was twice the movie Cherry Moon was.

*My theory on Highlander II is that they had a much longer movie but ran out of money halfway through, so they just decided to try and piece together what they had already filmed. Not that the much longer movie would have been a good movie or anything... Not badgood.

* I have only walked out of two movies in my life (although I should have walked out of Armageddeon or ID4!), and they were Peggy Sue Got Married and Manhattan Murder Mystery.

* My favorite scene in Mission to Mars is when Tim Robbins takes off his helmet and spaces himself. He's got this look on his face that says "I got my money. I'm outta here! So long, suckers!"

*And...the winner for the worst movie I ever paid money to see in the theater is...

First Knight

Pixellent
08-30-2001, 03:12 PM
My Bottom Five:

BATMAN AND ROBIN: The single worst motion picture ever made by a group of supposedly professional, veteran filmmakers.

SUPERMAN IV—THE QUEST FOR PEACE. Famous for revealing Superman's previously undiscovered power, Great-Wall-O-China-Vision. I'd already seen Supermen II through III; you'd think I'd learn, wouldn't you?

CHOSEN SURVIVORS: An early 1970s sci-fi thriller wherein a group of test subjects are marooned underground to test an expermental nuclear shelter. Everything goes just dandy until -- wait for it - - vampire bats invade the shelter.

TESTAMENT: Made during the early 80s rush of "Omigod, we're all gonna die in a nuclear war" hysteria, this supposedly sensitive, finely-acted mood piece about the last days of a mother and her two children after The Big One drops is boring enough to make you pull your own tongue out, just for something to do.

CALIGULA: If you tell me I'm too tightassed to appreciate the "subtle humor" and "black comedy" in this stinkfest, I'll beat you to death with your own leg. The only thing in my experience that comes close to this film is the stench of a dead cat I used to pass on my way to school every day. It was more than thirty years ago, but I can still smell that cat; CALIGULA was much more recent, and I'll go to my grave with the aroma.

RickJay
08-30-2001, 03:36 PM
I'm with anyone who said Highlander II. It is not possible to make a worse movie.

Fish42
08-30-2001, 03:43 PM
"Howard the Duck." My thinking at the time was, "It's by Star Wars's George Lucas, so it's got to be good. Right?" WRONG!

Honorable Mention: The 1998 version of "Godzilla." Doesn't get the big prize only because I didn't pay for the tickets; however, it still sucked two hours out of my life.

CalMeacham
08-30-2001, 03:59 PM
CHOSEN SURVIVORS: An early 1970s sci-fi thriller wherein a group of test subjects are marooned underground to test an expermental nuclear shelter. Everything goes just dandy until -- wait for it - - vampire bats invade the shelter.


My God, I thought I was the only one who'd seen that piece of junk. A truly, truly awful film, and I'd forgotten it when I answered this thread. Surely a contender for worst film I paid to see. I have to agree with you about Caligula, too. And what really hurt was that I paid more to see it than they were charging for the other movies at the Googolplex. It was a "premium" film.

mikehardware
08-30-2001, 04:06 PM
SGT. PEPPER'S LONELY HEARTS CLUB BAND

I figured, it's got Beatles songs, and Peter Frampton and the Bee Gees, so how bad could it be? Very bad. Incredibly bad. I needed mental Lysol after viewing it.

No real plot, just random Beatles lyrics, no acting ability, and George Burns singing! Arrgh!! They truly fouled up almost all the music too! (Earth, Wind, and Fire being the exception.) The only good to come of this was the collapse of the star's careers.

Purd Werfect
08-30-2001, 04:15 PM
I actually like a lot of the movies that have been mentioned.
Drowning Mona
Meet Joe Black (ok, it's bad, but I can't help but watch it any time it appears on cable. Maybe it's the Rothko paintings in the mansion. Or maybe it's Claire Forlani constantly looking like she's about to have a siezure brought on by nervousness.)
Waterworld
Starship Troopers
Mission To Mars (but only up to the point where they meet the cartoon martian.)

But to answer the OP, the worst movie I've paid to see was Pay It Forward. There was some pretty heavyweight talent in that film, and the idea could have resulted in a good story, but instead it came out as a manipulative piece of crap.

And in second place, I vote for Micheal, with John Travolta as an angel.

rjung
08-30-2001, 04:34 PM
Worst movie that I knew was bad but wanted to see it just for popcorn goofin' fun: Robot Jox. I'm a sucker for big robots slugging it out with each other. ;)

Worst movie that I didn't know was bad and was severely disappointed by: A tossup between Godzilla (the Sony remake with the cowardly CGI iguana) and Star Trek V. I'll probably give it to Godzilla for totally screwing up the Soho chessmeister franchise...

k.os
08-30-2001, 04:40 PM
I saw Cocktail with Tom Cruise. It was the only thing playing at the theater near my parent's house in the 'burbs before they built a 4-screener at another mall. I don't think I'll ever fully recover.

::sits in corner hugging his knees rocking back and forth staring blankly::

Skerri
08-30-2001, 04:49 PM
I apparently have no luck in choosing movies to go see. I usually just hit the movies when I have nothing better to do.
I will regularly hit the $1 movie theater here in town. Never have I gotten my money's worth.

I actually paid $1 to see Weekend at Bernie's 2, Gremlins 2, Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead, Fear, (with Mark Wahlberg) and that crappy movie where Jennifer Aniston falls in love with her gay best friend after she finds out she's pregnant. (It was so bad that I have blocked the name.) Granted, these were never highly recommended movies, but for some reason I was drawn to them.

I like going to bad movies with a bunch of friends, though. (i.e. all the Friday the 13th movies...) I went to see the last one with friends, and we were the only people in the theater.. Perfect time for a little MST3K action.

Spyderman
08-30-2001, 05:02 PM
I remember I once dated a girl in and on our first nihgt out we went to see Hudson Hawk (http://us.imdb.com/Title?0102070).

I don't think ther ever was a second date, and to this day I blame Bruce Willis.
Although I have to admit that he has made a lot of decent movies since.

Atreyu
08-30-2001, 05:04 PM
Originally posted by rjung
...and Star Trek V

*twitch*

I had forgotten about that one. This abomination has been blessedly expunged from my memory.

And then you brought it back to me!

[Sam Kinison]
AAAGGHHH!
[/Sam Kinison]

This movie did not happen, OK? It is non-canonical. It was just a bad dream.

Just a bad dream...

Just a bad dream...

magdalene
08-30-2001, 05:07 PM
Blow was not just a title.



P.S. Very few people (and critics) get that Starship Troopers is supposed to be a satire. To quote the director, "When we show people in Gestapo uniforms, we are saying that they are bad."

MeCorva
08-30-2001, 05:31 PM
I agree, Highlander II is probably the worst movie. But HEAVY was probably the most boring movie. I personally think someone said "Why are there so many movies about people who are interesting or doing interesting things? Why don't we rebel and show boring people doing *NOTHING*. That'll b enew and different!"

GOD, by the end I wished I had something interesting to do like watch paint dry.

Me'Corva

Cyn
08-30-2001, 05:46 PM
I paid a dollar to see Quest For Fire 'round about 1983 and I'm still not over the thought that I paid a whole dollar and wasted 100 minutes of my life AND I paid a dollar to do it.
Yes, I'm still bitter.

Superdude
08-30-2001, 05:57 PM
What about Cool World? God, what a sucky movie

FallenAngel
08-30-2001, 06:47 PM
Some truly horrid movies have been mentioned here, and you all deserve credit for owning up to having seen some of this crap, but you've missed the target. Hands down, without a doubt, to the point that Ike should close the thread now, the worst movie ever made was

There's Something About Mary

All the critics - whom I normally take with a grain of salt anyway - RAVED about this peanut encrusted turd. Then, several of my friends - whose opinions I normally trust - talked about this smegma drip with such glee that they actually went into giggle fits talking about scenes or even mentioning lines.

I went to see it. I sat like a father watching his little girl get run over by a truck for an hour and a half as the people around me howled with laughter. I didn't even smile, much less laugh. No worse movie has ever been made, scripted or even imagined. Gods, it was not funny. It was moronic drivel that should have resulted in jail time for the director and cast. All this, and I LIKE low humor, for crying out loud.

By the way, there was no Highlander II. It's a myth.

PunditLisa
08-30-2001, 08:41 PM
That's it. Y'all are NOT getting invited to my next GWTW pawty. Hmmmph! <--done in my Scarlett O'hara voice

Worst movies I've ever paid to see:

Pacific Heights - don't know what was more tedious: the unbelievably stupid plot or Melanie Griffith's Minnie Mouse voice.

In Dreams - I felt embarrassed for the actors. Horror films done badly end up being unintentional comedies.

Eyes Wide Shut - Yeah, yeah, Stanley Kubrick is a cinematic genius. And my grandma could make a movie more erotic than this piece of dung. BONG! <--that's the sound of me striking a piano key.

poohpah chalupa
08-30-2001, 09:14 PM
Originally posted by Legomancer
Laserblast - I paid money to see it when years later I could have seen it on MST3K...
ahhHAHAHAHAHaHaHaa!!!
This movie more than sucked...it swallowed! However...I made out with my high school sweetheart in the back of her van at the drive-in during this, so it wasn't a total loss.

MST3K covered LaserBlast??? Ohh, man...I gotta find this...

Jeannie
08-30-2001, 09:25 PM
I would say Battlefield Earth but we knew that would be horribly bad and went just to see how bad it was. It did not disappoint, and it's one of my favorite bad movies (I even have the DVD).

So I will have to say it was Pearl Harbor. It got bad reviews. I knew from the first preview I saw that it would be bad. I held out very little hope that it would have any redeeming qualities whatsoever. Why did I see it? I have no clue. I guess on one level I was curious (much like with Battlefield Earth). On another level, I guess I just couldn't believe it could be that bad. On yet another level, they were showing the trailer for LOTR. I should have trusted my better judgement. (Okay, the LOTR trailer was worth it though:) )

magdalene
08-30-2001, 09:31 PM
Originally posted by poohpah chalupa


MST3K covered LaserBlast??? Ohh, man...I gotta find this...

Oh yes, and it is as glorious as you would imagine.

Beware of "Back fat."

Gregor Samsa
08-30-2001, 09:33 PM
I paid $12 (TWELVE DOLLARS) to see Loser last year. I thought, well, Jason Biggs was pretty funny in American Pie and Mena Suvari was pretty good in American Beauty - how bad could it be? Really bad. Really really bad. I don't know, maybe you have to be a teenager to get it.

But the only movie I've ever paid money to see and then walked out of was Yentl. Jesus, what an awful movie.

xanakis
08-30-2001, 09:55 PM
Jaws 3 in 3d - most unintentionally funny film Ive ever paid to see.

Closely followed by Independence Day,

closely followed by Scrooged starring Bill Murray (made me want to throw up).

Aguecheek
08-30-2001, 10:54 PM
Originally posted by DynoSaur
Starship Troopers. No contest. There were one or two redeeming qualities to the movie, but they were both attached to the redhead...

Yup. You beat me. My favourite Heinlein ever, and they...and they...Oh god. I can't go on.

"They suck brains!"
Oh dear lord....

Zaphod Beeblebrox
08-31-2001, 12:23 AM
Re: GWTW

The movie portrays the Civil War as seen by Southern society. The novel was incredibly well researched. That's the way it was, folks.


So, are you saying that slaves really were these happy people who sang away as they toiled? Were they really happy to be slaves? That's the way the movie portrayed them.

Apologizing for the thread drift, and returning you to the scheduled discussion.

waterj2
08-31-2001, 01:46 AM
Amateurs.

Spice World

Yeah, I kinda enjoyed it, which I was expecting. But I really can't pretend that it had any actual quality.

Actually, I've paid to see way too many of the movies mentioned here. And kinda liked many of them. Robocop 2 and The Fifth Element are both on my short list of favorites, though I will admit that the former is deeply lacking in any sort of cinematic greatness, I just like watching it.

FriarTed
08-31-2001, 05:18 AM
Cool World *Holly Wood naked couldn't have made up for that POS- only redeeming part- Brad Pitt & his cartoon girl*

Robin Hood-Men in Tights *no redeeming parts*

Mars Attacks- SFX thrown at ya with minimal plot

Jurassic Park II:Lost World- the same (btw, I enjoyed JP III)

Hanging Up (Lisa Kudrow, Meg Ryan, Diane Keaton & Walter Matthau- how could THAT go wrong? and yet!)

Badtz Maru
08-31-2001, 06:08 AM
I think it's a tie between 'Bless the Child' and 'Dungeons and Dragons', both movies my wife dragged me to.

CalMeacham
08-31-2001, 07:51 AM
So, are you saying that slaves really were these happy people who sang away as they toiled? Were they really happy to be slaves? That's the way the movie portrayed them.



Happy to be slaves? Nope. Sang as they toiled? Yup. Southern aristocracy believed them slaves to be happy because they sang? Somewhat. But they had too many examples of slave rebellions to keep in mind to be too complacent.

Yeah, the southern belles were tended by little girls fanning them and "mammies" looking after them, and the house slaves seemed pretty harmless. That's because anybody who seemed angry about their situation or liable to do anything about it wasn't allowed to work in the house, but was kept out in the fields.

I'm not saying that this is a GOOD thing, understand. But the movie shows how the antebellum South (and the bellum South) looked to the Southern slaveholders. I can't believe that people don't understand this. Just because Mitchell doesn't describe it and the film-makers don't depict slave beatings and attempts to run away doesn't mean they didn't exist. But GWTW isn't a movie about slavery -- it's about the effects of the Civil War on those who lived through it.A writer or film-maker today, in the wake of the Civil Rights movement of the 195s and 1960s, of the riots of the 1960s and of the 1990s, would never dream of ignoring the story from the point of view of the slaves. The lack of it is, nowadays, too obvious. But GWTW was a product of the 1920s and 1930s, and priorities and sensibilities were different then. GWTW doesn't depict the KKK as heroes, for cryin' out loud, like Birth of a Nation does.

TroubleAgain
08-31-2001, 07:56 AM
Sorry, friedo, but I just can't agree with you. It had some fun pokes at the other movies, but it was just one long dirty joke after another and I expect a little more from a movie than that.

Oh, gee, thanks, Legomancer, I'd almost managed to forget Witches of Eastwick. ::shudder::

Zaphod Beeblebrox
08-31-2001, 08:12 AM
Maybe I should have excluded the word "sang," because I knew that it would not go by unnoticed. *smiley* Either way, they all seemed way too happy. There's a difference between not seeming angry about one's situation, and smiling from ear to ear blissfully.

it's about the effects of the Civil War on those who lived through it.

I would take that statement a few steps further: I think the film (more than) implies that the American Civil War should never have happened. Its main raison d'etre seems to be to demonstrate how perfect life in the South was before the war, and that those damn Yankees should have left the Southerners to their own device. Sort of like saying "hey, look.. We were happy, and our slaves were happy, so you bastards should have left us well alone." In other words, the little creature-comforts of spoiled brats like Scarlett O'Hara were much more important than the emancipation of all those slaves.

Maybe it's due to my late 20th/early 21st Century sensitivities, but this idea makes me uncomfortable.

Calanctus
08-31-2001, 09:43 AM
Add me to the Highlander II club...ugh.

Other actual films I have had the misfortune of viewing:

To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar: just the idea of Patrick Swayze in drag should have tipped me off.

Cannibal Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death: See Bill Maher before he was on Politically Incorrect! Actually, don't.

Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-o-rama: Actually, I rented this while working at Blockbuster video, KNOWING it was going to be bad. Absolutely atrocious.

jellen92
08-31-2001, 09:46 AM
"My Blue Heaven" - God that was just awful. I left during the middle of it...

Evnglion
08-31-2001, 09:53 AM
I have seen everything that is out in theaters right now, so I have a lot to say about some of the currnet stuff. Planet of the Apes....bad movie, awful movie, hornedous. **ICK**. Then there is Jurrassic Park III, wtf is this movie? "How many diferent ways can we put dinosaurs in a movie???" Again, bad movie. And the plt to The Fast and the Furious was really bad. It jumped around a lot, and basically amde no sense. I mean, why did this happen, and why did that happen? Hell, I could start an entire thread on things in taht movie taht made no sense. I would've completely hated the movie if I didn't like cars so much. ;)

Evnglion
08-31-2001, 09:56 AM
Originally posted by Calanctus
Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-o-rama:

I'm sorry, I know I just posted, but, I cannot resist. I thought I was the only person who had ever seen this movie, much less hard of it. I watched it when I was about 11 or 12 (hehe),it came on Showtime, and even at that age I thought it was awful, apart from the blatent nudity, of course (damn prepubecent hormones ;))

epolo
08-31-2001, 10:35 AM
I had a real MST3K experience when I went to see Congo.
Man, that movie was bad, but I guess I had fun.

I've been told that Godzilla (with Matthew Broderick) was bad. When I went to see it though, I thought it was a hysterical satire. I had no idea it was supposed to be serious.

The Mummy made me feel like I needed a shower. I think that was the most racist movie (in the mainstream) in recent memory.

But the all time worst for me was a movie that made me want to get up and bitch slap every single person involved in it: Kids. That movie really, really pissed me off. I knew some of the kids in it. I knew a lot of kids in that general social circle. If I had ever seen anyone behave like that I would have beat them within an inch of their lives. For their own good. It still just makes me angry to think about how that was the image of me and my peers that fuck Larry Clark sold to America and how all those other little fuckers were willing to sell out for a shot at screentime.

Okay, going to lie down now.

Sealemon88
08-31-2001, 11:17 AM
I haven't even read any other replies here. I'm just going to list the shit movies i've sat through because I'm such a movie whore.

Robocop 2
Highlander 2
Universal Soldier 2
Speces 2
The Jetsons
The Crying Game
The Thin Red Line
Natural Born Killers
Eyes Wide Shut
Blair Witch 2
Godzilla
Eye Of The Beholder
Jurassic Park II
Boys And Girls (Girlfriend wanted to see it)
The Ninth Gate
Shadow Of The Vampire
Crash
eXiStense(sp)
Event Horizon

I know there are others...many, many others...but I've blocked out the memory.

ElDestructo
08-31-2001, 01:12 PM
Forgot about this yesterday. Not the worst movie I ever paid to see, but the worst movie I was paid to see.

My high school job was at a movie theater in the small town where I grew up. Rural East Tennesee around 1988. One of the biggest movies ever to hit the old Cowan Oldham Theater was the Patrick Swazye classic Roadhouse. Played for two months, I shit you not.

A couple weeks into the run, the owner / projectionist noticed that the film was always breaking. The problem turned out to be that the platter that recieved the film after it had run through the projector was spinning at a slightly faster rate than the platter that fed the projector. No big deal to fix for a qualified tech, right?

The problem is that "qualified techs" didn't visit our particular neck of the back woods very often. So my boss puts in a service call and we wait. The interim solution was that someone had to sit in the booth with the projector and keep an eye on the film as it ran through. If the film started to get a little tight, that someone would lightly touch the recieving platter and slow it down enough so that the film could get the proper amount of slack and not break. Guess who got to do that? Yours truly. It wasn't an exact science--I still had plenty of film breaks. But my boss assured me that it wasn't happening as frequently as it had been before.

It took two weeks for the repairman to show up. In that time, I saw Roadhouse twice a night, three times on weekends. The horror...

Tretiak
08-31-2001, 01:44 PM
Am I the only sucker to have seen the horrific North? This movie is so bad it even motivated Roger Ebert's book titled, I Hated, Hated, Hated This Movie
.

Michael Ellis
08-31-2001, 02:22 PM
Originally posted by Evnglion
Originally posted by Calanctus
Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-o-rama:

I'm sorry, I know I just posted, but, I cannot resist. I thought I was the only person who had ever seen this movie, much less hard of it.

I've seen it, too.





Wish I hadn't.

Cervaise
08-31-2001, 03:23 PM
Not only have I also seen Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama, but like poopah chalupa, I saw Laser Blast at a drive-in.

The worst movie I've recently paid to go see: Manhood and Other Modern Dilemmas, a French flick at the Seattle International Film Festival. Read my review here (http://moviegeek.homestead.com/files/siff2001reviews5.htm#manhood).

magdalene
08-31-2001, 03:46 PM
God, I LOVED the Thin Red Line - I thought it was brilliant. I thought you felt the uncertainty and fear of the soldiers, it was unpredictable and human. Much better than Tom Hanks Cheesefest O'Rama Private Ryan.

Sealemon88
08-31-2001, 06:39 PM
And I actually felt the same way about Saving Private Ryan, that despite the occasional melodramic scene, it showed the horror of war very well. To me, The Thin Red Line was set in an alternate universe where only poets and community theater actors got drafted.

I saw it with my buddy Bryan, and an hour or so into the movie I swore to him that if the narrator started another "What is this war? Why must we die" monologues, I'd either walk or burn the screen down. I decided to walk.

I was also pissed off that the only reason George Clooney was in the thing was to show him in the trailer.

For all its faults, the thirty minute beach landing in Private Ryan said more about war, with minimal dialogue, than the entire Thin Red Travelogue could manage.

YMMV, of course.

Jeannie
08-31-2001, 08:54 PM
Originally posted by Tretiak
Am I the only sucker to have seen the horrific North? This movie is so bad it even motivated Roger Ebert's book titled, I Hated, Hated, Hated This Movie
.

I've seen it, but not in the theatre. (I was replying earlier only about films I had paid to see in a theatre). We rented North once. We figured it couldn't possibly be that bad. We were so very very wrong. I hated that movie so much. Possibly more than Ebert did (that was one of my all-time favorite reviews by him, btw). Not only was it bad, it reinforced stereotypes and then went a step further and invented new ones.

The Texan couple that wanted North to "replace" their dead son, who IIRC had died from over-eating? WTF was that all about?

The governor (and wife) of Hawaii who wanted to use North as the poster child for their new campaign to get people to move there instead of just visiting? Ridiculous! And could the writer (and I use that term loosely) have possibly used the word "crack" more times in a single scene?

And then there was the Eskimo family. They took a six month trip to put the grandpa (Abe Vigoda) on an ice floe so he could sail off and die! Who puts Abe Vigoda on an ice floe? And why would they?

And I hated that little evil kid. The blond boy (North's nemesis). I have never seen a movie that made me want to maim a child, but I wanted to kill that little [expletive deleted]*. I've seen The Good Son and I couldn't even hate Macauley Culkin very much in that!

And North was such a little stuck up, snotty, holier-than-thou SOB! If I were his parents, I would have cheered when he decided to leave! What a little brat!

I could say more, but this is not the Pit and this post has gone on too long already.

*I do not advocate violence against children. I have nothing against the actor who played that kid. But if I ever get a magic ticket (a la The Last Action Hero), the first thing I'll do is go into that movie (North) and make that kid suffer.

Legomancer
08-31-2001, 10:23 PM
I forgot about this and would like to add it: Joe vs. the Volcano. Take a good premise and completely crap all over it by introducing horrifically silly "comedy" and a gutless ending. I don't know who directed and wrote it, but I imagine them watching "Brazil" and saying "Oh, this idea could be so much better if only it had Tom Hanks in it, was funnier, and had a happy ending!"

rackensack
09-01-2001, 01:10 AM
Three pages and no one's mentioned Mary Lambert's aptly titled 1987 effort Siesta (http://us.imdb.com/Title?0093969)? Big name cast (Ellen Barkin, Gabriel Byrne, Isabella Rossellini, Jodie Foster, Julian Sands, Martin Sheen, Grace Jones), all utterly wasted in one of the most ill-conceived, trite, pointless strips of celluloid ever created. A friend and I saw this because we expected it to be bad, but it far exceeded our expectations.

Rockford
09-01-2001, 01:50 AM
These are some movies that come to mind for me:

1.The Flintstones movie- Rosie O'Donnell as Betty? What the hell were they thinking? This movie did a horrible injustice to the original show, and they shouldn't have tried to make it in the first place.

2.The Wizard- (shudder...) I've heard of product placement in movies, but I think this was movie placement in a product. I liked it when I was seven, because at that age I didn't realize that it was a two and half-hour ad for Nintendo consisting of an idiotic plot and horrible acting. I can't even believe a movie this bad was legal- I mean, in almost every single shot there is either a Nintendo product or someone is talking about Nintendo. And it must be just a coincidence that the whole ending of this so-called movie revolves around the release of Mario Bros. 3, which just _happened_ to coincide with the actual release of that game in real life. Yuck.

3.Deep Blue Sea- Even by action movie standards this was just terrible. (note to self- never, ever pay to see any movie starring LL Cool J again.)

Tattva
09-01-2001, 04:17 PM
Originally posted by HenrySpencer
I find it hard to even type the name of the movie, but it's the longest, most horrible piece of nonsense ever: Meet Joe Black.

Ah, but it had one redeeming quality - the gripping portrayal of Brad Pitt's death. He zings through the air one way, and then flies back another way. The first time I watched it, we kept rewinding the movie to play that scene over and over again. Too funny.

My vote for worst movie I paid money for - A.I. Ow, that one hurt.

Lionors
09-01-2001, 11:51 PM
Originally posted by RickJay
I'm with anyone who said Highlander II. It is not possible to make a worse movie.

Amen...although the succeeding ones gave that one a run for its money. THERE SHOULD HAVE BEEN ONLY ONE!

Hands down otherwise which hasn't been mentioned is a sleeper called Asteroid. However, there were SO many continuity problems and SO many impossibilities that we actually ended up laughing hysterically through it. Fortunately, we rented it. We'd've gotten thrown out of the theater, I'm sure.

Jurassic Park and ALL sequels. BLARG. Valley Girl. Don't even ask.

Tom Cruise actually did do one movie that was worse than Cocktail -- anyone else see Legend? <gagackbarf> Although Eyes Wide Shut is right down there, too. What was the friggin' point of that movie, anyway??

I saw GWTW before I read the book. Ever after, the movie just didn't compare. However, I don't think it was intentionally racist. My vote's for BOAN on that one.

Infovore
09-02-2001, 02:30 PM
1. Showgirls. Without question, the worst movie I've ever seen in my life. At least I can laugh at Manos, the Hands of Fate. This was just unrelenting garbage.

2. Dungeons and Dragons. As I've told friends, I'd happily pay to see Jeremy Irons recite his laundry list, but I didn't think it was possible for a major motion picture to be this bad on purpose. (No, I haven't seen Battlefield: Earth.) And I'm a gamer!

3. Bullwinkle and Rocky. Boring, boring, boring! The theater seats were comfortable so I just lay down, put my head in da spouse's lap and fell asleep through the last half of it. I think I got the better deal.

4. Starship Troopers. Did it have to be that gory? Although seeing Doogie Howser decked out as a Nazi doctor was worth a bit of humor value.

TV time
09-02-2001, 05:32 PM
No one has mentioned "Freddy Got Fingered?"

What, did everyone get in free?

schief2
09-02-2001, 07:53 PM
Originally posted by uglybeech
I got you all beat.
I paid to see Waterworld.
I sat through it.
Should I admit that?

::coughs, looks around furtively::

Not only did I see it in the theater, I saw it on opening night.




Please don't hit me.

Jekeira
09-02-2001, 10:23 PM
By far the worst movie I've ever seen in a theater was 1492: Conquest of Paradise.

This thing was, like, five hours long. I admit, it featured beautiful cinematography, but apart from that it sucked really hard. It starred Gerard Depardieu as Christopher Columbus. I've blocked most of it out of my memory, but a few things stand out:

1. A Spanish guy tells Columbus that Spain has just defeated the Muslims and driven them out of Spain. He says something regretful, like, "Theirs is a great culture -- we learned much from one another."

2. Columbus' enemy dies by falling (or perhaps being pushed, I don't remember) off a cliff. The director went to a great deal of trouble to not only show the body as it hit the ground, but to have ribs and things visibly pop up out of the body upon impact.

3. There's this awesome scene of Columbus on a New World island during a hurricane. He clings to some sort of structure, and the force of the wind lifts his body up off the ground, horizontally, exactly as once happened to Gilligan on Gilligan's Island, except that this was not a comedy, and Gerard Depardieu looks a lot more chunky and less aerodynamic than the guy who played Gilligan.

If I think about it, I'll probably think of more things I hated about that movie. But I really don't want to think about it.

elfkin477
09-02-2001, 11:09 PM
One of the perils of a: being several years older than my brother and b: easily conned into things by said brother, is that I've brought him to movies I would never in my life had gone to see myself. Some of them were almost ok, like Harriet the Spy, Mortal Combat 2, Species, and the last Star Wars movie. Some, like Good Will Hunting, Men In Black, Dante's Peak and Titanic were pretty good.

However, A Night At The Roxbury has got to be the dumbest movie I've ever spent money on. There was only one scene in the movie I liked at all- when Chris Catan is "loading" the plants into the van. SNL shouldn't be allowed to make any more movie spinoffs.

LonesomePolecat
09-03-2001, 12:03 AM
Dawn of the Dead

I can't even remember why I went to see this stinker--some subconscious masochistic urge, I guess.

In roughly forty years of filmgoing, this was the only time I ever asked a theater manager to give me my money back. He gave it to me, too.

oliversarmy
09-03-2001, 12:34 AM
Well, unless I missed it, no one has mentioned "Nothing But Trouble" It may not be the worst piece of celluloid crap to ever hit the screen, but it's close.

NaSultainne
09-03-2001, 01:21 AM
Oh, man, those stinker movies! I've got several, and they're all so bad I can't decide which is the worst:

Frantic Roman Polanksi's excuse to give his French girlfriend a paying job...
Popeye Pappy saying "haul ass"?? Popeye's father? I don't remember that from the cartoons.
Shadow of the Vampire The only good line is the hungry vampire(Willem Dafoe) telling the director(John Malkovich - does he ever play anyone but himself)"We don't need the scriptwriter". Ha! I'm laughing just remembering that stupid movie.

And last but never least.....

Total Recall - Arnold's character trying to track down the leader of the underground movement to find out why the government messed up his mind with phony memories. The guide finally agrees to let Arnold meet him (great suspense, we're all holding our breath) and the dude opens his shirt exposing a partially absorbed twin (EWWW!) hanging from his chest, and this grotesquery holds its deformed hands toward Arnold saying "Open your miiind, open your miind!" Ohmigod! While everyone else is oohing and aahing in the audience, my husband and I burst out laughing, and couldn't stop. We had to leave the theater to catch our breath. I'm still laughing about this ludicrous scene. My kids think I'm nuts, but hey.

BTW, just caught Battlefield Earth on cable. Cheesy 'b' movie, but actually not terribly bad. Enjoyed Travolta's character deducing the "man-animal's" favorite food - rats! Stupidly funny.

Junior Spaceman
09-03-2001, 01:39 AM
Originally posted by Tattva
Ah, but (Meet Joe Black) had one redeeming quality - the gripping portrayal of Brad Pitt's death. He zings through the air one way, and then flies back another way. The first time I watched it, we kept rewinding the movie to play that scene over and over again. Too funny.

You know, I can't even remember that part - I think I was in a coma by that point. Or maybe it's the same syndrome as when Steven Wright said "I drove across the country, with only the one cassette in the car. And I can't remember what it was".

I will say that I didn't have the luxury of a remote control to add to my enjoyment (?!) of the movie, although if I did, the 'Fast-Forward' would have gotten more work than the 'Rewind'.

edwino
09-03-2001, 12:48 PM
Yeah, I've paid to see Showgirls and Spice World but those weren't bad because we saw them in a college movie theater with most of the audience yelling at the screen. Although the one scene in Showgirls with Gina Gershon and Elizabeth Berkeley talking about how they liked to eat dog food...well at least the movie it had loads of labia majora.

But, the worst movie I've ever paid to see was about the third date with my wife-to-be. It was a Steve Martin-as-psychiatrist-with-Madeline-Kahn-as-whiny-patient vehicle named Mixed Nuts. We sprung out of the theater literally within 10 minutes after the opening credits. It. Was. Just. So. Goddamn. Bad. It was one of those traumatic experiences which cause bonding. I attribute the success of my relationship with my wife solely to that movie. Forget all of the mutual understanding, communication, and love -- all it takes is a really bad movie (or even a fragment of one!) to get a relationship to work forever.

frock75
09-03-2001, 01:38 PM
"Remember The Titans"

Everyone I've asked thought this was a good movie. By the end of it I was fighting to keep my hands from tearing out my eyeballs. This movie was so awful I felt like calling the studio and demanding my two hours back. It was cheese. A large pile of Velveeta. The fact it was based on a true story made it worse. The message was a good one. The Disneyland, sacchrine-laced, butt fuck you for your seven dollars acting was some of the worse I've ever had the misfortune of seeing.

LifeWillFall
09-03-2001, 02:02 PM
First of all, whoever mentioned Hudson Hawk in this thread should be drawn and quartered, I love that movie.

My vote goes to Josie and the Pussycats. what can I say, for some reason Rachael Leigh Cook does it for me, but this movie was a stylized piece of crap.

Dryfreeze
09-03-2001, 03:05 PM
the scenario:
A group of Americans from my German class are hosting German exchange students.
There are 3 of us Americans here
5 Germans
not too bad yet huh?
Well everyone knows how almost every nasty and terrible thing comes from either germany or japan righT?
Well the germans love tom green! why? I have no idea.
They want to see Freddy Got fingered
NO . . .
ok ok its cool, we can get in for free
We get in for free, all eight of us, suprise! we are the only ones seeing this movie, fyi, its 9:00 on a friday night . .hmm . .does that tell me something
Movie starts, oh i can tell its going to be bad
It gets really bad . .the entire movie all us americans do is talk about how bad it is . .it was terrible, if i would have paid, i would have asked for my money back . .it was that bad, of course the germans loved it

tracer
09-03-2001, 09:05 PM
handandahalf wrote:

Mission to Mars. The only reason that I didn't walk out was the fact that my friend's VERY hot younger sister seemed to be enjoying herself, and she was sitting next to me...

Turns out that she hated the movie almost as much as I did, and was smiling because she noticed that my attention kept drifting to her.
Well, don't keep us in suspense, handandahalf! Tell us! Did you, or did you not, score with her?

The_Raven
09-04-2001, 03:18 PM
Howyadoin,

Dungeons & Dragons was a life-sucking void...

But what about The Burglar (could be wrong on the title), the Denis Leary flick where he breaks into the rich family's house on Christmas Eve or something like that? The people who wrote this movie are horrible monsters and deserve to die.

-Rav

ladyfoxfyre
09-04-2001, 07:27 PM
I CANNOT BELIEVE that none of you has mentioned "Dude, Where's My Car?"

I paid $7.50 to see that, and to this day I believe I was raped in the pocket book.

Worst piece of crap I have ever paid for.

Plot was as follows:
Two losers wake up hungover.
Discover they have lost their car.
Go to a stip club to find out what happened.
Watch as strippers pour buckets of water on themselves, they are wearing white t-shirts BTW.
....Something....Transvestite, and a bag full of money.
5 Hot Chicks(TM) wearing skin tight black leather....
Something with aliens....
Giant Women....
PO'd girlfriends....

I dunno. It sucked badly. Do not ever see that movie, it will make you dumber, as I have evidenced here.

kasuo
09-04-2001, 07:28 PM
Ugh, tough call. It's between Battlefield Earth and Dude, Where's My Car?. See, I knew 'Dude' was going to be a stinker but went to see it anyway, only to be disappointed -- which seemed almost impossible given my low expectations of the movie prior to watching it. I did not know about L. Ron writing the book that 'Battlefield' was based on, but that movie was just beyond sheer horror.

Nowadays, I refer to poorly made films as "Battlefield Earth"-bad.

elfkin477
09-04-2001, 08:23 PM
Originally posted by edwino
But, the worst movie I've ever paid to see was about the third date with my wife-to-be. It was a Steve Martin-as-psychiatrist-with-Madeline-Kahn-as-whiny-patient vehicle named Mixed Nuts. We sprung out of the theater literally within 10 minutes after the opening credits. It. Was. Just. So. Goddamn. Bad.

Hmmm...That's one of my favorite christmas movies, and I think it's very funny. You thought Austin Powers was really funny, right? I've noticed that there are two types of comedy, action-comedy(which are usually sprinkled heavily with bathroom humor, too) and verbal-comedy, and it seems that many people prefer one and hate the other. I know I do....

VarlosZ
09-05-2001, 02:26 AM
Honestly, people. Why are so many people claiming to have "won." There's no winning -- this isn't a contest!

Besides, I have all your asses whipped: I saw Mr. Baseball, starring Tom Selleck as an aging American baseball plaer who gets traded to Japan. So stupid.

FEotU
09-05-2001, 03:58 AM
National Lampoon's Class Reunion. I had a couple hours to kill so went to see it by myself in the late (around 5:30) afternoon. My first clue that it was a lousy movie was when the lights dimmed and a quick look around the theatre told me I was the ONLY person there.

Superdude
09-05-2001, 09:18 AM
Originally posted by FriarTed
Cool World *Holly Wood naked couldn't have made up for that POS- only redeeming part- Brad Pitt & his cartoon girl*


I second this one, too. Paid 50 cents to see it, and got my money back. But I sat through it all.

Mr. Billy
09-05-2001, 09:35 AM
There are two words after which any discussion of the worst movies ever must surely pause, if not end outright. Those words are:

King Ralph.

That movie sucked worse than the all-consuming void of deepest empty space.

Danimal
09-05-2001, 10:54 AM
Originally posted by VarlosZ
Besides, I have all your asses whipped: I saw Mr. Baseball, starring Tom Selleck as an aging American baseball plaer who gets traded to Japan. So stupid.


I love Mr. Baseball. It is a very good picture of what life is like for gaijin baseball players in Japan, the characters are diverse and not stereotyped, it's very funny at some points, and the main character actually learns and changes. It's a good movie, and dammit, I will not hear its name mentioned in the company of Independence Day, Battlefield Earth, Wing Commander and Dungeons & Dragons.


ObBad Movie: So, anybody seen Space Rage? A crime against Richard Farnsworth, that was.

UrbanChic
09-05-2001, 11:18 AM
...The Avengers.

John Corrado
09-05-2001, 11:50 AM
He is, quite probably, one of the most accomplished songwriters of the latter half of the 20th century. His music helped to shape a generation, and his talents are beyond compare.

But never, ever, let Paul MacCartney write and direct a film.

Give My Regards To Broad Street wasn't even worth the soundtrack.

freckles
09-05-2001, 12:05 PM
I can't think of the name of the movie but it was released in the last year or more, begins with 'U' and it was about a comic book hero and villian thing. Can anyone remember the name of it?? All I remember was that it was really bad and I haven't meet one person who has liked it.
Ohh just remembered it was Unbreakable. Such a bad movie

Gregor Samsa
09-05-2001, 01:51 PM
Originally posted by The_Raven
...But what about The Burglar (could be wrong on the title), the Denis Leary flick where he breaks into the rich family's house on Christmas Eve or something like that? The people who wrote this movie are horrible monsters and deserve to die.



You're not referring to The Ref, are you? I thought this was a really funny movie. I enjoyed it.

Nixon
09-05-2001, 02:20 PM
IMHO:

Hudson Hawk sucked as it couldn't decide whether it was a serious action film or a comedy..but

the worst movie I have ever paid to see is

The English Patient

Tedious, pretentious drivel that refused to end. Surely this movie is being used as an instrument of torture throughout the world instead of punishment by swift execution.

Who were those characters? Who cares? I kept hoping that they would touch off one of the elaborate booby-traps but no, the audience neeeded more torment.

Did it have a plot? I can't remember as with each boring inch of film my mind slowly atrophied. And such cinematogrophy, the endless sea of the desert, the endless emptiness, the empty endlessness, - watching paint dry would have been more entertaining.

Yes it was a successful chick flick, except that the "hero" gets the girl killed and himself maimed but what was I expecting... a good flick? ...the Spanish Inquisition?

dos centavos

MaxTheVool
09-05-2001, 07:54 PM
(a) I can't believe some of the movies people have hated...
Hudson Hawk, There's Something about Mary and The Fifth Element are all excellent movies, imho. And Independence Day is good clean fun (unlike that pile of filth, Armageddon).

(b) Some quite bad movies that no one has mentioned, or that bear repeating:
-Mortal Kombat Annihilation
-The Quest (starring Jean Claude Van Damme... vaguely reminiscent of the recent Atlantis movie, but live action, one thousand times worse, and with some bad martial arts and no atlantis)
-The Governess

(c) But the absolute worst movie I have ever seen, accompanying young cousins, is without a doubt:
Thomas and the Magic Railroad

snac
09-05-2001, 10:50 PM
Hands down--Harold and Maude.

Most of my friends suggested that since I felt that way, I had obviously missed the entire point of the film and should go see it again.

Some of them are still my friends, but sometimes I wonder why.

rackensack
09-06-2001, 12:25 AM
Originally posted by MaxTheVool
(c) But the absolute worst movie I have ever seen, accompanying young cousins, is without a doubt:
Thomas and the Magic Railroad

Tell me about it. Had to take my son (who'd just turned three at the time) to see it in the theater. What the hell was Britt Alcroft thinking? If they're like my son, most kids that age would happily sit through an hour and a half of Thomas and Percy and Gordon and Toby and the rest of the Sodor Railway rolling stock just zipping up and down the track; you don't really need a plot. But no, she decides that there has to be dramatic tension, conflict, a struggle between good and evil -- put my three-year-old in a dark movie theater for only the second time in his life, where he's expecting insipid little Thomas stories like he's seen on TV, and you throw at him a menacing diesel engine with a nasty claw who's trying to off Thomas and his pals, along with Mr Conductor, Peter Fonda, and anyone else who gets in his way?

Oh yeah -- that reminded you: you need to include some Shining Time Station stuff for the kids who've only seen Thomas on there. Hmm, nothing much for the girls -- hey, how about you throw in a girl character, Lily, who helps save Thomas and his friends by finding the source of the gold dust. What gold dust? Oh, the magic gold dust that's the only way to get from the Island of Sodor to Shining Time and Muffle Mountain -- well, the only way except for the Magic Railroad, but it doesn't work anymore because the magic engine called Lady disappeared and now there's no way to make more gold dust, so Mr. Conductor and his cousin Junior will get stuck on Sodor and get weaker and weaker until there's no more magic and Didi Conn is wandering around a post-apocalyptic Shining Time Station, watching the sign that the kid on the horse -- you know, Lily's friend -- just finished repainting at the beginning of the movie blow back and forth, while Peter Fonda (Lily's grandfather) mourns his dead wife and tries to figure out how to make Lady the magic engine run again, since he's the one who made some unnamed but apparently horrible mistake that caused her to break down in the first place, 40 or 50 years before. Lessee, what're we missing -- oh yeah, we need a dog somewhere: send a Benji look-alike to do a Lassie number and convince the girl to get on the wrong train at the beginning of the movie, then show up and look smug a couple more times in the next 80 minutes. Ending? Oh yeah -- need one of those I guess. Hmm. Well, obviously this nasty diesel has to bite the dust, but just as obviously it can't be Thomas or any of his friends that off him -- can't have the little buggers in the seats thinking Thomas killed anyone (or was anything more than "slightly cheeky" to anyone). The hell with it -- we'll just have a viaduct conveniently disintegrate under the diesel as he's chasing Thomas and the magic engine, Lady, and Peter Fonda (who's driving Lady).

(I want it noted that that's the first time I've even veered close to a drug or sex reference, despite the constant temptation of a subject that involves Peter Fonda and magic gold dust).

I'm aware that description makes no sense. Trust me, it makes a lot more sense than the film it describes. Nevertheless, my son has watched it on video dozens of times over the last year or so, so I've had plenty of opportunity to have my opinion changed, or to find that it makes more sense on subsequent viewings. It doesn't.

ITR champion
09-06-2001, 01:24 AM
So let me get this straight. We've seen 152 posts and nobody has mentioned the 1999 adaption of Wild Wild West with Will Smith and Kevin Kline. What's up with that?

There are bad movies that are still watchable, and then there are movies that are just painfully bad. Take the aforementioned Starship Troopers. If you're one of those snobs who actually want a plot, oringinal FX, good dialogue, or any of that other good movie stuff, you should probably avoid it. However, if you like watch good looking people fight gigantic bugs with machine guns, it's almost worth watching. WWW, on the other hand, could not possibly appeal to anybody. The action sequences last only a few seconds, and in between them are long stretches of pathetic attempts at humor that fall completly flat. Even if you snuck into this movie, it would still be a rip off.

Mr2001
09-06-2001, 02:23 AM
I'll second Bless the Child and I'll third Mortal Kombat: Annihilation. I enjoyed the first Mortal Kombat and I can still quote it, but all I remember from the second one is they switched actors and I wanted to walk out after 5 minutes.

edwino
09-07-2001, 03:31 AM
Originally posted by elfkin477

Hmmm...That's one of my favorite christmas movies, and I think it's very funny. You thought Austin Powers was really funny, right? I've noticed that there are two types of comedy, action-comedy(which are usually sprinkled heavily with bathroom humor, too) and verbal-comedy, and it seems that many people prefer one and hate the other. I know I do....

Eh, I think it was the scene in the beginning with Madeline Kahn stuck in the elevator, IIRC. Austin Powers was OK (not one of my favorites) I do like my dick jokes, but I also like verbal humor -- for instance certain British comedies, Woody Allen, etc. Perhaps the movie just started out so bad that I was scarred. Maybe we were grouchy before we went in and the first half hour or so of the movie that we actually saw did nothing to cheer me up.


I do remember that the movie to which we went after walking out was Dumb and Dumber which is definitely in the top 10 worst movies I have ever seen in the theater (with classics like Speed 2, Lost in Space, Deep Impact and so forth). Call me crazy, but I have never enjoyed Jim Carrey in anything from Living Color onwards. I know, you all love Jim Carrey and how dare you, you must be the antichrist for not liking him. I will say that one of my funniest moments at the movies did come in Jim Carrey's movie The Mask. It is a tender, touching scene where he is in jail and confessing his love for Cameron Diaz. Well, the dude about 2 rows in front of me really let a loud long one rip. At first nobody did anything except the guy, who chuckled for a while. Slowly, over the course of the scene, the laughter spread throughout the whole movie theater until everyone was laughing hysterically. That was far funnier than Carrey prancing around like an epileptic Lipizaner screaming "SMOKIN!"

edwino
09-07-2001, 03:43 AM
Never seen North but I just read Ebert's review. I can't decide whether to actually believe him or to run out and rent this train wreck.

It is definitely one of the best movie reviews I have ever read. Notice the use of the word "hated" 10 times in 6 sentences near the bottom of the story.

http://www.suntimes.com/ebert/ebert_reviews/1994/07/931635.html

Blackclaw
09-07-2001, 03:25 PM
Originally posted by magdalene
Blow was not just a title.



P.S. Very few people (and critics) get that Starship Troopers is supposed to be a satire. To quote the director, "When we show people in Gestapo uniforms, we are saying that they are bad."

I think the problem with this movie is it's title. If they had called it "Space Bug Killer" I would have enjoyed the satire. But it wasn't "Space Bug Killer," it was "Starship Troopers," my favorite Heinlein novel. They crushed my favorite novel and I despise them for it. I've heard the director didn't even read the book.

Cliffy
09-07-2001, 04:14 PM
Raising Cain.

Awful, awful, awful movie. Had John Lithgow and MPD going for it, you'd think it would be good. But no. After they established that the core Lithgow personality was a sympathetic character, they proceeded to have his wife sleep with the first guy she met -- out of the blue. Then, after this, you all of a sudden were supposed to switch your loyalties to the shrew wife and the lunkhead boyfriend and forget about all your sympathies for Lithgow. Oh, and they telegraphed the hell out of the "shocker" ending.

--Cliffy

LateComer
09-07-2001, 04:50 PM
Inframan (http://us.imdb.com/Title?0073168) as the second film at the drive in.

Super Fuzz (http://us.imdb.com/Title?0082924)

Spaced Invaders (http://us.imdb.com/Title?0100666)

None of which was worth a nickel.

acconav
09-17-2001, 04:00 AM
it's rare for me to really really hate a movie (i actually liked most of the flicks mentioned in this thread!), but there are a few bad movies worth mentioning, like Virus with jamie lee curtis, Monkey Bone, Jurassic park 3 (jesus, why did i pay for that when i knew it was gonna suck??), and Lost Souls, that horrible end-of-the-world flick w/ winonna ryder. LS is actually the second worst movie i've ever seen, surpassed only by...

Cabin Boy!

how is it that no one has mentioned this piece of crap?? god, it was horrible.... no redeeming qualities whatsoever

Wolverine
09-17-2001, 10:03 AM
The Next Best Thing with Madonna. I knew it was going to be bad but I was out with my friends and they dragged me to this dreck. It wasn't only bad, it was insulting, stupid, ugly, and made me feel sick. It started out as a bad romantic comedy about a woman impregnated by her gay best friends. It then disintegrated into an even worse courtroom drama. I couldn't believe that this thing got made. The worst part is, my friends liked it. I couldn't speak to them for a couple of weeks.

Hometownboy
09-17-2001, 10:04 AM
Can't believe nobody has mentioned Husbands a 1970 totally self-absorbed piece of dreck wasting the talents of Peter Falk, John Cassavetes & Ben Gazzara. Actually, most of the blame should be laid at Cassavetes' feet. He "wrote" and directed this stinker.

The IMDB plot summary: "A common friend's sudden death brings three men, married with children, to reconsider their lives and ultimately leave together. But mindless enthusiasm for regained freedom will be short-lived."

ANY kind of enthusiasm regarding this alleged movie will be short-lived. IIRC, at the time much was made out of the fact that most of the dialog was ad-libbed. I HATE having watched what should have been some third-rate acting school's improv class.


Also I Am Curious (Yellow) a hopeless Swedish mishmash about a young girl Exploring Life and a parallel plot about the company making the film. Totally ghastly and only worth sitting through to see full frontal nudity (male and female) which was absolutely a novelty in 1969 in the US outside of stag movie houses. Oh, yeah, and there were also some self-consciouly anticapitalist politics involved.

The title derives from the colors of the Swedish flag. A companion film "I am Curious (Blue)" released the following year reportedly did not achieve the high artistic standards of the first.

Wolverine
09-17-2001, 10:09 AM
Her gay best friend. No multiple partners involved, have to give the producers some credit.

Agrippina
09-17-2001, 10:26 AM
Austin Powers 2: The Spy Who Shagged Me. I hated that movie so much.

pezpunk
09-17-2001, 10:27 AM
I just saw Jeepers Creepers. It was so bad that I can't even talk about it yet. The shock hasn't worn off yet. I have found scarier things in my pockets. It is actually the first movie I have seen that I would have actually enjoyed more if the lead characters had dies within the first 5 minutes. I feel so stupid for having gone to see it.

CaelNCSU
09-17-2001, 10:44 AM
Starship Troopers actually did have a point. The writer of the book spent time in WW2 and was trying to show how awful war was (also the reason for it being that gory).

Worst movie I've ever seen: The Omega Code. Barely had a plot and was the worst acting/Christian propaganda you'll ever see.

BoBettie
09-17-2001, 10:52 AM
I'd rather wirebrush a wildcats balls in a phonebooth then watch [b]Joe Dirt[/quote] again.

Zette

yojimbo
09-17-2001, 11:13 AM
A festering pile of puke called Batman 4. :mad:


Dark Knight my arse

middleman
09-17-2001, 12:23 PM
As I was reading this whole thread, I kept hoping someone would miss a movie and I could add to the discussion. But, I think we pretty well got it covered.

Here's my take:

REALLY BAD:
Hudson Hawk- First movie I ever walked out of. Awful!
Cool World
Blair Witch- Sold out three days in advance. Nothing good about this film.
Spawn- Leguizamo was even terrible.
Godzilla- Dreaded seeing it, thought a friend was enjoying it, so I told him I was going to wait in the lobby. He looked at me and said, "yeah, I wanted to leave too!"
Batman and Robin- Au-nold killed any chances at a decent movie. Not that there were many chances.
Drowning Mona- My call on a Couples night out. I was shunned.
Star Trek 9- Show tunes? No mas!
Boys and Girls- It began my lifetime Ban on Freddie Prinz Part Duex. I don't care if he has a bit cameo in the next Indy film.

I JUST THOUGHT OF ONE NO ONE MENTIONED!!!!
Blown Away with Jeff Daniels and Tommy Lee Jones!!!!!
PEEE-Yoooooo!

LESSER OF TWO EVILS
I bought a ticket for Phantoms and at the last minute decided to theater hop into Deep Rising. At least I had noted thespian Treat Williams to save the film.

BUM RAPS (Movies people listed that I like)
Waterworld- went in with ZERO expectations and thought it was ok for a matinee
Pearl Harbor- Same as WW (Snora, Snora, Snora). Had some decent parts, didn't seem to drag on like most three+ hours.
Starship Troopers- Disappointed at the movies, but when my pals got really liquored up and watched it on cable, we had a blast.
5th Element- Weird but ok. Love saves all was cheesy at the end.
Independence Day- I was hammered when I saw it, so my view is slanted. Plus, I was at the Unoversity of Houston at the time and they blew it up (always a plus).
Meet Joe Black- I liked the flick. I don't know why I am so off on this one. I left the theater predicting HUGE box-office. I was SO off.
Star Trek V- I am the only Sci-Fi fan who likes this movie.
Armed and Dangerous- I loved this movie. Best line comes from the academy lecture. The crazy black guy raises his hand and asks "If somebody's lyin', and I KNOW they lyin', can I shoot 'em?"
King Ralph- Goodman at his finest!
Mars Attacks!- Again, the sauce....

Daowajan
09-17-2001, 01:54 PM
I didn't walk out of this movie only because it was the first R-rated movie I ever saw.

On Deadly Ground.

Blech!

Waldo
09-17-2001, 02:30 PM
I don't know that this is the worst movie I've ever paid for, but I really didn't like Planet of the Apes. Talk about effects taking over the quest for a story.

HEY TIM BURTON! The original movie succeeded even with the rubber masks because of a decent story. Look into it.

[SPOILER]

Can anyone tell me how the ending of that was supposed to make sense? I could guess the "twist" from about half a mile off, and I've thought about it a few times since, and it doesn't make any sense at all as far as I can see.

What would make the earth he returns to be run by apes? I can't see anything in the plot that would have caused that, or how this ending gives insight to what has happened before, as the ending of the original did.

RufusB
09-17-2001, 02:43 PM
Battlefield Earth - Don't know if it counts though cause me and some friends rented it knowing it would be absolutely horrible.

Mortal Kombat II - Anyone else see this littel gem of crapulence? It was so bad that I think one of the main bad guys quit halfway through the filming. I paid $2.50 to see it and felt that i had gotten ripped off. I still have nightmares about this one.

Mission to Mars - Gary Sinese(sp?), Tim Robbins, what were you thinking? I know Tim Robbins has a history of doing bad movies, but come on.

Ghosts of Mars - As soon as I saw the words 'John Carpenter's' in the main title I knew I was in trouble.

middleman
09-17-2001, 02:55 PM
Originally posted by RufusB

[b]Mission to Mars - Gary Sinese(sp?), Tim Robbins, what were you thinking? I know Tim Robbins has a history of doing bad movies, but come on.
Of course he was in quite a few gems, including #2 all time on the old watsonwil top 10.

Rosewood
09-19-2001, 12:16 PM
My litmus test of a wretched movie is if I pay to see it and fall asleep in the theatre. My brain must go into shutdown mode to elude the Deep Hurting.

"Winners" are:

Hudson Hawk
Godzilla (1998)
Lost in Space (1999?)

Runner-up goes to Blade (which I don't think anyone has mentioned). I *wish* I could've fallen asleep on that one.

I thought Fifth Element was okay. Not great, not wretched, just okay.

bagkitty
09-19-2001, 06:39 PM
Want to preface this by pointing out two things 1) I used to review films and therefore have had more than my share of free passes (including some royal stinkers) and 2) I have a greater ability than mere mortals to tolerate trash.

That having been said, I will observe that the worst movie I ever paid to see is, without a doubt, Flatliners. In fact, I treated a friend to dinner and a movie that night, and as we walked out of the theatre I asked her "Well, what did you think?", to which she responded "I'm just glad you were the one who had to pay for it."

Sunspace
09-19-2001, 10:49 PM
Worst movie I have ever seen, and paid to see (in a university late-night film-festival context): Pink Flamingos. No contest. I left in the middle feeling physically ill.

Elvis
09-20-2001, 03:44 PM
About 10 years ago, a girlfriend and I went to see "Wild Orchid", the alleged sequel to "9 1/2 Weeks", on the night it opened. About 15 minutes into it, people could be heard laughing at some of the more ridiculous and racist crap. Within another 5 minutes the floodgates had opened, and everybody was yelling at the screen and laughing at the unintentional hilarity. In the end, though, it wasn't enough to sustain interest in this nonsense.

Other irredeemable claptrap I've paid to see includes "Bonfire of the Vanities", "Roadhouse", and "Rumble in the Bronx".

The Big Cheese
09-20-2001, 07:56 PM
I've seen this thread for a while now, but felt I didn't really hate Brazil that much to open it up and type it in. Then last weekend I saw The Musketeer, and that gave me a good reason to open this thread. The ladder scene was utterly absurd.

RufusB
09-21-2001, 03:48 AM
Just remembered two more honorable mentions on RufusB's List O' Crap.

The Avengers - Did this movie make any sense to anyone?

From Dusk Till Dawn - The only thing interesting in this thing was Clooney's fake tatoo and Salma Hayek's body.

CalMeacham
09-21-2001, 07:53 AM
I have to agree that Flatliners was pretty bad (medical students trying to get a JumpStart on Purgatory), but I think that Jacob's Ladder was worse. Easily more pretentious.

RufusB
09-21-2001, 06:00 PM
Romeo Must Die - Even the fight scenes sucked, and that's hard to do in a Kung Fu movie

tracer
09-21-2001, 06:50 PM
CaelNCSU wrote:

Starship Troopers actually did have a point. The writer of the book spent time in WW2 and was trying to show how awful war was (also the reason for it being that gory).
If by "the writer of the book" you mean Robert A. Heinlein, then I have to ask: what have you been smokin'?

Heinlein wasn't trying to show how awful war was. None of the gore in the movie was in the novel. If anything, Heinlein glorified the Bug Wars -- the Starship Troopers novel has got to be the biggest, brashest army recruitment poster I've ever seen. (It was also a showcase for Heinlein's political theory that only those who have gone through military service should be allowed to vote, but that's a discussion for another thread.)

Incidentally, y'all can see my Bad Movie Night review of the Starship Troopers movie at http://www.hit-n-run.com/cgi/read_review.cgi?review=44190_rogermw.

Crunchy Frog
09-21-2001, 07:16 PM
Having read the thread again, I have to replace Barton Fink with Batman & Robin. I guess it was so painful that I had blocked it from my memory that I actually paid to see the crap at the theatre.

I still don't like Barton Fink though, crazy as some of you may say I am for it.

Anubis
09-22-2001, 01:15 PM
Warriors of Virtue(spelling??)just plain sucked. I have blocked it from my mind so I can't remember exactly what hapened, but I do know that is was the only movie we've walked out of.

mhendo
09-22-2001, 04:48 PM
I have to agree with tracer regarding Starship Troopers. It's one big recruitment poster. In the movie, this is even shown in the reproduction propaganda videos used to convince the population of the bugs' evil.

I don't think it's the worst movie ever. The use of fascist imagery is quite interesting, and the fighting and gore are diversionary enough if you don't want too much to think about. Another thing i found rather interesting was the unisex showers, and the way they were placed in the film with none of the usual prudery or excuses that often accompanies such devices. (But it was probably just Paul Verhoeven's excuse for getting tits on the screen). On an unrelated note, if you want to see a Verhoeven film that shows that he is not restricted to dross like Robocop and Basic Instinct, check out his 1984 flick The Fourth Man.

Probably the worst movie i've seen in a long time was Gone in 60 Seconds starring Nicholas Cage and Angelina Jolie. A friend and i got it out one night when we wanted an action movie that didn't require too much effort. I was hoping there would be some good car chases and a look at some high-quality autos, but the film was a huge yawn. It had the ridiculous plot and total lack of character development that you expect from such films, with none of the action and visuals that can help to compensate for other failings.

SterlingNorth
09-23-2001, 05:50 AM
I'd have to say this past weekend's Glitter -- that Mariah Carey crapfest.


I'd usually know better, but it was the only new movie playing this week!

robby
09-23-2001, 06:00 PM
This one was mentioned in passing on the first page. It is quite possibly the most boring movie I've seen in my entire life.

Ishtar

I actually paid full price to see this, during its theater run. Took a girl to see it on a first date. There was no second date. :( I'm pretty sure the movie was her idea--at least I hope so... To this day, people can't believe I paid money to see it.

Just the same, Highlander 2 made me sick to my stomach. I paid full price to see that too, in the theater. It was was like watching a train wreck. So awful you can't believe your eyes, but find you can't turn away.

What's worse, I'd seen the original Highlander several times, and walked into the theater with high expectations.

chief
09-24-2001, 01:25 AM
You actually saw that?!?!!? wow.

my worst is probably batman and robin as of now. it put the series to shame...



Originally posted by SterlingNorth
I'd have to say this past weekend's Glitter -- that Mariah Carey crapfest.


I'd usually know better, but it was the only new movie playing this week!

Lok
09-24-2001, 03:18 AM
Originally posted by CaelNCSU
Starship Troopers actually did have a point. The writer of the book spent time in WW2 and was trying to show how awful war was (also the reason for it being that gory).

Worst movie I've ever seen: The Omega Code. Barely had a plot and was the worst acting/Christian propaganda you'll ever see.

First, Heinlein didn't serve in WW II. He had a medical discharge from the Navy in the 30s because of TB. He was an ardent patriot and would have served, but they would not let him. He spent the war in Philadelphia at the Naval Air Experimental Station as a civilian working with people like L. Sprague de Camp and Isaac Asimov. And the book was filled with philosophical and moral discussions that were fascinating to read. The movie was full of T&A and gore. I have nothing against T&A, but it had nothing to do with the movie they were supposed to be making.

As for the worst acting/Christian propaganda, you have obviously not seen the piece of dreck called Left Behind. I have had Christian friends tell me how great the books are and how the movie really captures them. Now I know not to waste any money on the books. :p

mswas
09-24-2001, 03:22 AM
Without a single solitary doubt, Battlefield Earth. There is not a single movie that can even be put on the list with this movie.

Erek

Legomancer
09-24-2001, 09:07 AM
Originally posted by SterlingNorth
I'd have to say this past weekend's Glitter -- that Mariah Carey crapfest.


I'd usually know better, but it was the only new movie playing this week!

Let me see if I understand. You purposely went to see Glitter, simply because it was the only new movie playing? Do you have to see a new movie every weekend? Are there no video stores in your town?

I really just can't fathom this.

amanset
09-25-2001, 11:24 AM
Crash

Still, in my 27 years of life, the only film I have ever walked out of. I don't care about the moral issues, it was just sodding boring.

Plot:
1. Man says "hmm, car crashes, sexy, erotic"
2. Man acts out car crash
3. Man has sexy with woman.
4. Rinse repeat ad infinitum.

Also, I love both the film and book of "Starship Troopers" (you should listen to PV's DVD commentary to get a feel for what he was trying to do). It is a lonely world out here.

mrblue92
09-25-2001, 01:07 PM
In a theatre, Event Horizon, no contest.

Rentals? I have forgotten so many awful movies that I can't name them any more unless I see them in the video store. Virus springs to mind, though...

VarlosZ
09-27-2001, 06:59 AM
Danimal:
I love Mr. Baseball. It is a very good picture of what life is like for gaijin baseball players in Japan, the characters are diverse and not stereotyped, it's very funny at some points, and the main character actually learns and changes. It's a good movie, and dammit, I will not hear its name mentioned in the company of Independence Day, Battlefield Earth, Wing Commander and Dungeons & Dragons.
I originally assumed you were being sarcastic, and it was hilarious. Now I'm not so sure. You bein' serious?

I still don't like Barton Fink though, crazy as some of you may say I am for it.
Yeah, you're pretty fucking crazy.

I would just like to say that I was on shrooms about a week back and came to the soul-searching conclusion that Mission: Impossible 2 was a fetid, pretentious, wholey inept piece of horse shit. I can't imagine having to watch that again now. . .

Kayeby
09-27-2001, 10:55 AM
Hands down, Dungeons and Dragons. I had a vague idea that there was a game that the movie was based on, which probably should have set off the warnings bells. (Street Fighter, Mortal Kombat anyone?) But no ... I succumbed to my friend and her: "They have flying dragons! It'll be so cool!" Stupid fricking dragons.

slortar
09-27-2001, 02:04 PM
I'm sure I'm not the first person on the thread to mention this, but Battlefield Earth was even more embarassing than Dungeons and Dragons (although it's a damn close run). I paid for both. Opening night. :eek:

Harp and Sword
09-27-2001, 03:10 PM
I saw "The Knights Tale" eirlier this year, and was amazed that one writer could fit so many cliches and predictable plot elements into one movie. I wanted to hunt the director down and make HIM refund my money.

Then I saw "The Musketeer" UGH! there simply wasn't anything good about this turkey. Poeple who want to nuke Afganistan should consider droping this bomb on them instead!

Some people have claimed to have liked the fights scenes. My response to them is "you SAW the fight scenes?" I saw badly edited, badly lit messes. In one scene the camera focuses for several minutes on the actor's (calling him that only because it probably says actor on his tax return, not because of any acting done in this nugget) FEET. Yeah, feet are just darned exciting.

There is more I could say, but won't

Legomancer
09-27-2001, 03:26 PM
Originally posted by Harp and Sword
Some people have claimed to have liked the fights scenes. My response to them is "you SAW the fight scenes?" I saw badly edited, badly lit messes. In one scene the camera focuses for several minutes on the actor's (calling him that only because it probably says actor on his tax return, not because of any acting done in this nugget) FEET. Yeah, feet are just darned exciting.

This is how I feel about "Tomb Raider" which I thought was awful. I am constantly being told how I have to give it a break, since it's an action movie, but even as an action movie it sucked, because the action was so badly edited. The bungee fight scene, which was fairly original, was a murky mess, and ths a scene which COULD have been exciting was instead boring. There's no excuse for having a bunch of people on bungee cords shooting at each other and having it be boring.

Gatopescado
09-27-2001, 04:03 PM
hands down, easily "Blair Witch Project"

i felt absolutly cheated out of my money! (this "film" wrested the title of worst from wizard- see below- that i had thought, hoped and prayed would never happen!) i was sure the theater owner must have been laughing so hard he wet his pants! i still get angry when i think about this, i really need to get over it, but revenge suits me better.

i'm not going to talk about it any more! (eyes watering, head spinning, mouth foaming, hands clinching)

heres some that are BAD, but in a "gee whiz, did they think i wouldn't notice that?" kind of way:

"the wizard of gore", and of course, "plan 9 from outer space"

plan 9 is pretty well known now, thanks to "ed wood" and i would recommend seeing it for yourself-- pretty amazing!

wizard of gore is obscure enough and might be hard to find, but also amazingly bad in a funny way. do not attempt to watch this without MUCH BEER! this was the title holder of "worst movie i ever payed to see" since 1983 until that fucking piece of shit blair witch came along.

DeadlyAccurate
10-22-2001, 10:26 AM
Paid for in theatre: Dungeons & Dragons. Couldn't they have at least tried to make it like the game? If you can't get the fans of the RPG to like it, it has to be really bad.

Rented: I can't believe no one else has seen Final Approach. We kept watching it just knowing it had to have some sort of wonderful ending that would make all the rest of the movie worth watching. It didn't.

Vertical Limit was horrible too, but we borrowed it from a friend. It was just so laughably bad. I especially loved how in watching the DVD extras, you find out that descending from K2 is more dangerous than ascending, but they didn't even show that part! Despite having to carry down a seriously ill person.

Dark City - I don't think I've ever seen a movie with worse plot holes, except maybe the previously mentioned one.

Mogwei22
10-22-2001, 11:10 AM
I can't believe the dislike for The Adventures of Baron Munchausen, The Fifth Element, and Hudson Hawk -it's hurts.

The Adventures of Baron Munchausen
Come on! Uma Therman on a half shell-mmmm...Uma.
Silly movie.....not to be taken too seriously.

The Fifth Element
Original, colorful and fun...Bruce Willis was a bit campy and I like that. Throw in a a few aliens and Chris Tucker as the most annoying thing ever......it worked for me.

and then we come to one of my all time favorite silly movies

Hudson Hawk
The candy bar names. Andie Mcdowell as nun. Sandra Bernhard as a bitch....loved it loved it loved it.
"Bunny! Ball. Ball."

My vote for worst movie ever: Georgia
lovely little feel good story with Jennifer Jason Leigh as an aspiring singer who can't get out of her big sisters shadow. Depressing as hell.

Mogwei22
10-22-2001, 11:11 AM
I will learn to hit preview. I promise.

Mogwei22
10-22-2001, 11:12 AM
I will learn to hit preview. I promise.

CBEscapee
10-22-2001, 11:38 AM
McHale's Navy I watched it only because it was filmed in the town I live in and because half the local population worked as extras. Tom Arnold blew his divorce settlement from Roseanne producing and starring in this one.
Couldn't have happened to a bigger dick. On the other hand co-star Tim Curry was a peach of a fellow.

ChockFullOfHeadyGoodness
10-22-2001, 05:38 PM
This thread is on its fifth page, and no one has mentioned The 'Burbs?? Am I the only person who paid for this? Are there people on the planet that think this festering pile was actually funny?

Pammipoo
10-24-2001, 12:19 AM
The Beach-Halfway bearable, until they started making Leonardo Dicaprio's character into a video game. Not surprisingly, I haven't seen him in anything else since.

13 Days -I actually don't remember if I paid for this or snuck into it, but regardless, it was one of the longest movies I've ever had to sit through. Granted, I'm not a history buff, so that didn't help either.

Essured
10-24-2001, 03:05 AM
The worst ever was a very bad horror flick called Frankenhooker

We actually rewound it and played it again, killing ourselves laughing, it was that bad. Shocking special effects and crappy acting only complimented the plot.

Plot : Man kills bride by running over her with a lawnmower. Man gathers and saves her head in a fishtank, then hires lots of prostitutes to visit him all at once. Man blows up hookers (about 8 or 10) and retrieves various body parts. Man sews body parts together, then adds the head. She wakes up and kisses him... end of movie

It was absolutely shocking ! :D I'm LMAO, just thinking about it !

AndrewL
10-24-2001, 11:23 AM
My stepmother is an Alien

Suicide Kings

Both movies that left me wondering, why the hell did I just see that movie? Also both movies I would have walked out on if I hadn't been seeing them with freinds.

CalMeacham
10-24-2001, 02:23 PM
The worst ever was a very bad horror flick called Frankenhooker

We actually rewound it and played it again, killing ourselves laughing, it was that bad. Shocking special effects and crappy acting only complimented the plot.

Plot : Man kills bride by running over her with a lawnmower. Man gathers and saves her head in a fishtank, then hires lots of prostitutes to visit him all at once. Man blows up hookers (about 8 or 10) and retrieves various body parts. Man sews body parts together, then adds the head. She wakes up and kisses him... end of movie

It was absolutely shocking ! I'm LMAO, just thinking about it !


A Frank Henenlotter Film. Frank, responsible for Basket Case and other goodies, is a fan of Bad Films. Frankenhooker is really a remake of the wonderfully bad The Thing that Wouldn't Die/The Brain that Wouldn't Die, which was such wonderful MST3K fodder. (The Brain in the jar with the big eye at the beginning is actually taken from the poster for TBTWD/TTTWD.) Frank deliberately made this sleazy and cheap, although it's better than its source material. Besides, the relaxation of movie codes allowed him to do things the original couldn't -- like making the Monster In The Closet a collection of Female Parts instead of a Frankenstein geek.

andrew dupont
10-24-2001, 04:01 PM
My eyes must be failing me, because the simple fact that Batman and Robin and Godzilla have each been mentioned less than 15 times in this thread boggles my mind. Easily numbers one and two on my "worst movies I paid to see" list.

Armageddon has to be #3. Anyone know why this one has a Criterion DVD? If you can explain that one to me then I'll prove to you that reality is illusory.

As bad of a review as it got from Roger Ebert, North isn't even in the top 50 on my list. Why? Because it is a fantasy piece; it's hard to rip apart a movie geared toward kids; and I really didn't find it THAT horribly bad. In retrospect, I suppose it was pretty damned bad, but I can think of SO MANY OTHER movies that belong on the list before North.

I would go to a Pauly Shore movie marathon before I saw 30 seconds of any of the three aforementioned movies again. Give me any movie on the IMDB's bottom 100 and I can appreciate it more than these three movies. It is an insult to the intelligence of the world that producers think they can fill movies with this type of crap, inflate them with special effects, and expect people to go see them. What's worse? We actually GO see them.

shrew
10-24-2001, 11:23 PM
Cutthroat Island

Geena Davis was a pirate...with a wonderbra.

shrew
10-25-2001, 12:13 AM
I just wanted to chime in on the whole Gone With the Wind debate. GWTW is meant to be viewed from a very specific point of view. It was not created as anti-slavery propaganda, so expecting it to project late 20th century ideals is unfair. It was not INTENDED to be pro-emancipation. It is a book and film about the South, a place that was rife with racism and bigotry. Just because a movie PORTRAYS racism, does not make make the movie RACIST. The film is about the strong character and resiliency that is present in human nature, as well as in the South.

I think it is necessary that we place the film in the proper context. I find films like Save the Last Dance and Finding Forrester much more racist than GWTW. In a time of heightened social awareness, they portray black teenagers who succeed or are intelligent as rarities who are barely able to escape the ghetto. GWTW portrayed African-Americans from the point of view of white southerners. Racism is to be expected.

Ben
10-25-2001, 02:43 AM
Originally posted by pezpunk
I have found scarier things in my pockets.

Pezpunk, I really must applaud this line.

-Ben

shrew
10-25-2001, 09:32 AM
Originally posted by snac
Hands down--Harold and Maude.


With a soundtrack by Cat Stevens and the mere presence of Bud Cort and Ruth Gordon, this is one of my favorite movies of all time.

I must say I disagree with you here, but to each his own, I suppose.

The Scrivener
10-25-2001, 01:56 PM
Hey, it's got Dustin Hoffman and Warren Beatty. It couldn't be that bad, could it? Boy, was I wrong. "Ishtar" was more boring than watching the slow migration of sand dunes. First movie I ever walked out on.

Speaking of dunes, has no one mentioned "Dune"?

Bette Midler & Shelly Long... surefire laughs, right? [see above]. "Outrageous Fortune," outraged audience. Simply awful.

And rather than stay home alone, I saw "Speed 2" with a group of friends. It was actually funny afterwards, in that no one had anything to say about it as we were filing out.... Shared sense of embarrassment, I guess.

Oh, and Mom took us kids to see a locally-made [Miami, c. 1979, way before "Miami Vice"], cutesy mob-themed comedy, "Hot Stuff," starring Dom DeLouise. Let's just say that at ages 8 and 11 we were if anything a tad too old.

I ran out to see "Mr. Wrong," the DeGeneris vehicle, because it had Bill Pullman in it. Oh, the shame of it...

And I haven't seen it and don't plan to, so correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't "Milk Money" one of the most offensive kid-friendly flicks ever? Plot: young kids procure Melanie Griffith [recch] for their lonely divorced dad [played by the magnetic Ed Harris, yowza!]. What was Ed Harris thinking?!? (And how could he ever remain lonely for long, anyway?) :confused:

c_goat
10-25-2001, 02:04 PM
Brand new worst movie ever:

Jeepers Creepers

FisherQueen
10-25-2001, 07:07 PM
It's been years, and I'm still carrying the emotional scars from "Cool World." I'm thinking specifically of the 'falling' shot that goes into a characters mouth, through his digestive tract, and out the other side before continuing on its way.

I think "Meet Joe Black" could have been a half-decent movie if it had been about 3 hours shorter and cut out that bizarrely jarring moment when Brad Pitt is hit by the car and goes flying like (gasp!) a mannequin.

I'd also like to put in my vote for "Millennium."

MyFootsZZZ
08-16-2002, 09:30 PM
Originally posted by andrew dupont


As bad of a review as it got from Roger Ebert, North isn't even in the top 50 on my list. Why? Because it is a fantasy piece; it's hard to rip apart a movie geared toward kids; and I really didn't find it THAT horribly bad. In retrospect, I suppose it was pretty damned bad, but I can think of SO MANY OTHER movies that belong on the list before North.



I agree,

I could think of much worse movie, even worse kid movies.

angelicate
08-16-2002, 11:38 PM
Most of these have been mentioned:

Spawn- I went with 3 friends, and 2 of us ended up walking out halfway through. It was so bad.

Blair Witch Project- It wasn't bad as much as annoying, but Blair Witch 2 was horrible. HORRIBLE.

Scary Movie 2- Bad. Not funny at all.

Urban Legend 2- Contained only 1 UL (which was what I really liked about part 1), which seemed to not have much to do with the movie at all, and the rest was some lame pseudo-slasher type flick.

Bless the Child- Totally predictable.


Pay it Forward- Bad. Just horrible. It was like a bad glurgey
email forward.

Austin Powers- I think I made it through 20-30 minutes.

From Dusk Till Dawn- I fell asleep, it was so bad. Then, when the sequal came out, my husband ended up winning it as some radio station giveaway. I don't think it ever got opened.

Reign of Fire- I just didn't like it. Save the world from dragons, yeah yeah.


On another note, I worked at a theater when Starship Troopers was out. I don't think we ever gave back so many refunds.

im2evil4u
08-17-2002, 01:04 AM
Waterworld
&
Blair Witch Project -- in fact, the only thing scary about that movie was how cold the theater was -- incidentally, I met my husband during this flick

cainxinth
08-17-2002, 02:05 AM
Powder
Cool World

jools
08-17-2002, 03:29 AM
Night at McCools, 12$ was way too much for 2 smiles....

NotTheGreatGatsby
08-17-2002, 07:05 AM
The only movie I've ever yelled at.

airdisc
08-17-2002, 01:00 PM
Over 200 posts and no mention of Wishmaster? Not only is it the worst movie ever made, but I believe it to be the worst movie possible. Here's a hint: Avoid any movie by Wes Craven.

Also, Anaconda. A movie about giant snakes.

While I didn't see it in the theater, Feeders 2 I bought for $2.50. Me and my mom watched it. I still wonder why I felt she deserved to endure that movie. Battlefield Earth, Wing Commander, nothing compares to this shitfest. I wholey recommend reading Something Awful's review of it:

http://www.somethingawful.com/article.php?id=179

Also, Eight Legged Freaks. Dumbest movie I've seen in years.

Fingolfin
08-17-2002, 02:14 PM
Originally posted by Spiny Norman
Highlander II. I win.

Where the Boys Are (1984)

Sorry, you lose. ;)

medstar
08-17-2002, 07:07 PM
My contribution to this thread is Megaforce, starring Barry Bostwick. It was a science fiction, action adventure made in the late seventies. Normally that's a good thing, but the movie was painful. It must have had a really low budget because Barry Bostwick and Michael Beck wore tight silver lame' spandex jumpsuits with matching headbands. IThe vehicles looked like RV's stolen from the showroom and covered with cheap pieces of foam. In fact, the whole production looked like the set had been stolen piecemeal from different studios, hurriedly filmed, and returned the next day. I'm surprised that Megaforce hasn't been shown on television yet.

japatlgt
08-17-2002, 07:21 PM
Agree with Armageddon. I was astounded that not one moment was enjoyable.

handsomeharry
08-17-2002, 07:50 PM
i feel i would be remiss in my duty if i did not mention "along came a spider" with morgan freeman. even worse than the dent in my wallet was having to eat the s*** and agree with my date that it was a "pretty good movie".