Aha! The real reason behind Osama's anger

[tiny ham]

I knew it knew it knew it. You knew it too. This week's issue of The Globe (a pillar of American journalism) indicates that Mr. bL has a tragic condition which leaves him with an "underdeveloped set of genitalia"

And in fact that many years ago, Osama bin Tinynuts had a girl from Chicago laugh at the size of it.





It was not me.

<cough>

[Ethilrist]

Well, so much for your chance to go down in history.

heh heh... "go down"... heh.

[Guinastasia]

Does the Globe have a website?

HEEHEH EHEHHEH!!!!

[BunnyGirl]

When I saw your thread title, the first thought to my little pea-brain was, "Yeah, he's got a little d***."

Fear me, mortals!

[magdalene]

And if some butcher circumcised it, we are all doomed. Because circumcised men all become rapists and killers, you know.

Should we simply rain Tug-Ahoys down on Afghanistan?

[FairyChatMom]

Gee, and I wanted to see what aha had to do with this whole situation...

[Why A Duck]

Now playing in Kabul: Osama and the Angry Inch!

[Colibri]

I was sure jarbabyj was going to reveal that Osama is a Cubs fan.

[Nymysys]

Fan? *I* thought she was going to say because he got passed over for center field.

[magdalene]

Every piece of new information about this crisis calls for new national guidelines. From now on, young women should not laugh at the penises of men they suspect might grow up to be crazed and charismatic leaders of frightening movements. You have the power to stop meglomania!

[Nymysys]

Shit, there goes *my* dating life.

[mouthbreather]

Well, someone better tell Lucky (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=87259).

Poor thing, she's going to be heartbroken.

[magdalene]

Originally posted by Nymysys
Shit, there goes *my* dating life.

When I think back to all the mini-dictators I must have caused at Georgetown...

[Little Nemo]

In all fairness to bin Laden, Kabul's classic rock stations often play Western Union twenty or thirty times a day.

[Ice Wolf]

Just an aside here, but it seems that everytime you have a rampaging despot bent on world domination, better Wall Street shares, whatever -- one side always makes fun of the genitals of the other guy. Winston Churchill, so the story goes, did the same about Hitler, and that ended up as a popular song sung by the soldiers (something about Hitler and Goering's balls ...)

If it was a woman -- would you say she was bent because of small boobs?

And wouldn't you have to run real fast just after sayin' that?

[Chas.E]

I hear they're telling potential terrorists that if they die in battle, they'll be transported to heaven amidst a harem of virgins. There's the problem right there, these guys are Not Getting Any. Let's set up a whorehouse in Kabul and give em what they want.

[don't ask]

Originally posted by Nymysys
Fan? *I* thought she was going to say because he got passed over for center field.

That's just silly, everyone knows that left is the idiot's position and he can hide that weak arm there.

[Gozu Tashoya]

Originally posted by Chas.E
I hear they're telling potential terrorists that if they die in battle, they'll be transported to heaven amidst a harem of virgins. There's the problem right there, these guys are Not Getting Any. Let's set up a whorehouse in Kabul and give em what they want.

Ooh, can I help name it? I figure that since it's in Kabul, we can appropriate the names of U.S. companies with a minimum of legal trouble.

May I suggest:
In 'N' Out,
Jack in the Box,
Jiffy Lube,
or, The Quickie Mart.

[Guinastasia]

Get Bin Laiden

d&r

[Ukulele Ike]

Originally posted by Ice Wolf
If it was a woman -- would you say she was bent because of small boobs?

Incidentally, Indira Gandhi, Golda Meir, and Margaret Thatcher all had rather impressive racks.


-- Uke, horribly embarrassed that he looked.

[Fletch]

Paging Jack Dean Tyler.............

Small unit discussion here.............

[tiny ham]

Originally posted by Ice Wolf
Just an aside here, but it seems that everytime you have a rampaging despot bent on world domination, better Wall Street shares, whatever -- one side always makes fun of the genitals of the other guy. Winston Churchill, so the story goes, did the same about Hitler, and that ended up as a popular song sung by the soldiers (something about Hitler and Goering's balls ...)


Ice, I'm just reporting the FACTS, as presented by GLOBE Magazine. So you know it has to be true.

jarbaby

[Feynn]

jarbabyj - (I'm taking your advice...)

Once there was a little boy named Osama who lived in the desert. Little Ossy, (that's what his friends called him) hated how hot it was and wished he lived somewhere cooler. Being a studious lad he started reading about far way places and discovered the one thing that would change his life.

Hockey.

Ossy loved hockey, every waking moment became one where he dreamed of playing professionally in the NHL. He learned the names of every player and knew the teams. His friends thought he was a fool and made fun of him as he practiced day after day with a stick and chunks of dung. People in the village would just shake their heads when they saw Mr. and Mrs. Bin Laden's crazy little boy whacking around pieces of poop and stirring up the dust. He was not deterred by their jibes. He'd be up at dawn and not stop his practice until evening prayer was called.

He begged his wealthy parents to build him an ice rink and being good wealthy parents they did. They bought him equipment and payed other people to come and play with him. People from far and wide came to watch just so they could enjoy the coolness of the rink, they told Ossy how great he was because it was Ossy's mom and dad who built the rink and they wanted this good thing to keep going.

Time passed and the little rink soon wasn't enough. Ossy bought himself a chance to try out for the greatest hockey team in the world, The Montreal Canadiens.

He skated out onto the ice of the Forum with his stick in hand and began to play with some of his heroes. His heroes laughed at him when Gainey wasn't checking him into the boards. He discovered that blocking a Beliveau slapshot was nothing like blocking the shots his friend Mohammed made at home. Every shot he made was turned away with ease by Dryden. He sucked and he knew it.

He begged that they at least make him a stick boy but that job was already taken. They finally had to drag him kicking and screaming from the rink and tell him never to come back.

Ossy returned home hanging his head in shame. With his life's dream shattered he didn't know what he would do with the rest of his life.

He became bitter and his bitterness soon turned into a seething rage. He first turned this rage against his family who had allowed him to pursue a hopeless goal. He soon realized that it wasn't the fault of his family or even the NHL, it was capitalism and greed that were to blame.

Many years passed and Osama managed to find work as the CEO of a terrorist organisation. He never forgot the humiliation he suffered at the hands of the hockey loving, beer drinking, capitalist dogs and vowed revenge.

This makes much more sense than saying he has a tiny dick doesn't it?

And on the small boobs thing, could someone go and take a look at Dr. Laura's rack? This theory about small breasted women might bear some further investigation.

Ike - you perv!

[BunnyGirl]

Originally posted by Ice Wolf<snip>If it was a woman -- would you say she was bent because of small boobs?
Originally posted by FeynnThis theory about small breasted women might bear some further investigation.
Hey! You better just drop this line of thinking right now, mister! Don't make me come over there and hurt you! Do you always make such stunning jumps of logic, you icky piece of poo?! Grrrr....this kind of thing just makes me so mad! I want to make someone pay.....


What?



Oh, sorry


:D

[Feynn]

Bunnygirl-

*LMFAO*

You can beat me here (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=89580).