Vivid Video, FUCK YOU!

[Town Drunk]

So I see a porno with a totally hot young lass on the cover.

I buy it, and lo and behold, the woman is nowhere in the movie! Everyone else pictured on the box was in the movie, but not the Goddess, who is plastered all the cover.

Now I don't even have her name, so I can buy a real movie she's in from a DIFFERENT video distributor.

This is how you conduct business, Vivid Video?

Never ever ever EVER will I buy another one of your movies, you rat bastards. Hear that? I vote with my dollars. You get no more.

Oh yeah. FUCK YOU!

[SPOOFE]

Got a link? :D

[Town Drunk]

No, but you can have the movie. Naturally, everyone else in it is an ugly cow.

Oh, yeah, I forgot one other thing.

Vivid Video, fuck you for having Janine sign a contract which stipulates she do no scenes with men. She's a PORN STAR, morons! What fucking dumbass lawyer approved that?

[apotheosis]

...:eek:

you mean...you still PAY for porn?






Do you do that before or after the community barn-raising?

[Angel of the Lord]

originally posted by town drunk
Vivid Video, fuck you for having Janine sign a contract which stipulates she do no scenes with men. She's a PORN STAR, morons! What fucking dumbass lawyer approved that?

Drunk, dear, she doesn't have to do those things with a man. . .:D

[Strainger]

So many porns videos are like that: Playboy on the cover and Swank on the tape.

That's what I've heard, anyway.

[Town Drunk]

Originally posted by Strainger
So many porns videos are like that: Playboy on the cover and Swank on the tape.

That's what I've heard, anyway.

It used to be that way in the 80s, but I haven't been screwed like this in a good five or six years. And what burns my ass is that they use a REAL porn star on the cover. I've seen that woman in hardcore pics before.
God, I want to give that company a slap.

[Jack Batty]

I hope at least the drug store wasn't out of hand lotion -- that would have really fucked up your night. :D

[Town Drunk]

Not a problem, Jack. I make my OWN gravy.

[gtzaskar00]

Janine doesnt do guys... good luck finding any good porn with her and a guy...

[kung fu lola]

Originally posted by Town Drunk
Vivid Video, fuck you for having Janine sign a contract which stipulates she do no scenes with men. She's a PORN STAR, morons! What fucking dumbass lawyer approved that?

Isn't it up to Janine who she has sex with onscreen?

:::Shrugging:::

IANAPS, so maybe I'm totally out of the loop. Wish I was, though.

[capacitor]

Hey Drunk, check the title shown on the tape, and during the tape, and compare it to the cover. Are you sure the film you rented wasn't switched and had the label plastered, or the video clerk didn't give you the wrong one? From my--or rather, other people's experiences, the customer gets a refund when either or both happened.

[CnoteChris]

Originally posted by capacitor
Hey Drunk, check the title shown on the tape, and during the tape, and compare it to the cover.

That's not bad advice, Barney.

I've had this same thing happen to me, only it happened to me more than once.

The first time it happened, I was shit out of luck. I went back to the place I bought it and bitched. The guy behind the counter, or more precisely, ten feet above me behind a glass case that held all kinds of fascinating things, told me, basically, 'They sometimes do that. Take it up with the people that made it.'

Seeing as I was a young sprite, and had taken about a month to work up the nerve, and a game-plan no less, to actually go into one of these shops, I didn't put up much of a fight.

The second time, however, was a bit different.

Flash forward about ten years, include a few years bartending under my belt and the revelations about women that come from that job, a steady girlfriend, a bunch of booze, and a new sense of purpose in life, and the situation was much different.

The second time it happened, I had gone up earlier in the evening- with the girlfriends approval- and picked up a porno at the local video store.

Later that night I pop the tape in.

As it starts up and goes through the credits and whatnot, I'm walking around, getting into the evening shorts a tee, and am, for the most part, not paying a lot of attention to the screen. I kinda sorta listening but am more interested in getting comfortable, getting a beer in my hand, and joining the girlfriend on the couch.

As I walk around the apartment, I hear the thing begin and the normal 'porno' start up.

I listen and hear a couple guys talking to each other. Something about gettin' laid… hard up for days… balls and some-such thing.

O.K.. We're setting up the meager plot. A couple guys are rooming together and they're talking action. Cool. It's a stale plot theme, but hey, go with the tried and true, right?

I'm walking around in the kitchen at this point, trying to gather up a beer and kill the lights. In the background I here my dearest:

"So what did you get?"

"I dunno. The cover looked kind of romantic, it looks kind of tame (It didn't, but I was in girlfriend mode. It was the least raunchy looking tape with the starlet the farthest from looking even remotely like my girlfriend that I could find. I'd made that mistake before let me tell you- 'Hey, that gal kinda looks like you, babe. Look at what she can do!!'. You can only imagine how that went. So, with that experience in mind, I said the safest thing possible. There was a lot of that going on by the time we broke up... safe talk, that is'). So, I mean, it looks alright."

"What's it called?"

"Beats me. Something tender moments or some such thing. Why?"

"Well I don't know about these things, but it looks kind of different. What was the name again?"

:: She was amazing that way- the not listening part. Whenever I did it, her radar went off and I heard the 'You don't pay attention to me. Why not?' speech, but when she never listened, well, I won't go into that. ::

"I told you, I don't know. Why?"

"Well.... why are there only guys on it so far."

"Honey, that's how they start. That's how they always start. They do the bonding thing and then go scam some serious women."

At this point I think I was moving towards the bathroom to kill the light. In the background, since she'd brought it up, I was listening more closely to the dialogue-

::-Heard from the tube-::

"Hey... that's a nice pool Bruce.”

"You like it Steve? Maybe we should take swim together. It's awfully hot out here.”

"I thought you'd never ask, Bruce."

The girlfriend cuts in-

"See. It's only guys. So far, it’s only been Steve and Bruce. Are you sure you got a porno?"

"Well, yeah. I was in the right section and everything. The guys all looked like what'd you see in the porn section. Boy, there was this one guy, geez, I think he was reading the reviews of..."

"That Bruce is pretty built"

"What? Who? Which one is Bruce?"

"He's the one approaching Steve"

"Why's he doing that?"

"Don't ask me, you got the tape"

:: Yet another girlfriend technique she employed way too often. She could see and dispense blame on others in fractions of a second.... and dammit, she was always right. ::

"I'm tellin ya, it was a regular ol' porno. It had some girls on it and everything."

"Well, there's not girls on this. All there's been is Steve and Bruce and it looks like they’re about to start something up. Ow WOW! I've never seen anything like this. Keep it on, I gotta see this!"

"I don’t know what’s going on here. Where's the remote for my VCR?"

" Look at this Chris!! Look! I think they’re going to kiss!”

"Are you on the remote!?! Where's the remote. It was sitting right here."

"No, don't!!"

"I'm serious! I don't want to see this. Where is it. I'm shutting this off. I'm serious!!"

"Look!! Ohh Ohhh Ohhh They’re kissing!!"

"I'M SERIOUS. I didn't want this and I'm not watching it. Dammit!! I don't want to...."

"AHHHHH!!!! Ohhhhhhhh. I can't believe it!"

It was over.

As much as I'd turned away and tried to avoid it, out of the corner of my eye, I’d seen it - Steve and Bruce were in a full embrace and involved in a particularly passionate.... I don't know what it was.... but it was something.

At that point, and I don't remember how it happened, but I was already off the couch and at the VCR, hitting the eject button without even looking for it. How I managed that -not the getting up off the couch maneuver, but the finding the eject button- without even looking at the machine, or the direction of the TV, I'll never know. I just found myself there and out popped the tape.

I grabbed it, looked at my girlfriend who was now curled up and giggling hysterically, covering her mouth because it was so bad she knew it'd make me even madder if she didn't try to feebly restrain her amusement, and I headed for the door.

Despite the rain, the fact that I was shoeless, and even the fact I was in only sweat-shorts and a tee shirt, I made a beeline for the video store.

Unbeknownst to me, the tapes had been mismatched.

The counter-girl, and her assistant friend, all of about seventeen years old, apologized profusely for the mistake.

Somehow, their concern seemed less than genuine to me. Maybe I was in overly sensitive mode at that moment.

Whatever it was, the night just wasn’t the same after that. Not so much that I mind Steve and Bruce together, that doesn’t really bother me, but it was how the night had ended.

I don’t know if I’ve had such set plans so horribly and quickly crash before my eyes.


So, Town Drunk, I think there's a few lessons in here that may serve you well.

Yes, pornographers sometimes embellish the covers of porno’s, and unfortunately, there's not much you can do but go after the people that made it.

And while yes, that may complete suck and piss you off, it could have turned out a whole lot different.

[ShibbOleth]

Originally posted by CnoteChris
And while yes, that may complete suck and piss you off, it could have turned out a whole lot different. [/B]

Thanks CnoteChris, that's the most I've enjoyed a Pit post in a while.

[Ogre]

It was a funny post, CnoteChris, but I gotta say...

Dude, chill. It was just two guys in a passionate embrace. It wasn't like you'd accidentally rented a pedophilic Bolivian snuff film. I doubt the situation called for...well, panic.

[CnoteChris]

Originally posted by Ogre
It was just two guys in a passionate embrace.

As fast as I was able to get off the couch that night, Ogre, and avoid the screen, I wasn't faster than the editor of that movie, who, apparently, must have attended the school of fast takes.

[Fern Forest]

Bummer, not much else to say.

Oh except hey, you've come to the right place.

Tell us the name of the video. Will go find the box cover on the web and surely one of us will know who she is.

Actually I am REALLY curious to know who you're talking about.

[Geobabe]

Originally posted by kung fu lola
Originally posted by Town Drunk
Vivid Video, fuck you for having Janine sign a contract which stipulates she do no scenes with men. She's a PORN STAR, morons! What fucking dumbass lawyer approved that? Isn't it up to Janine who she has sex with onscreen? I was under the impression that it was her choice to only do women onscreen. Believe me, that disappoints me as much as it does you.

[pezpunk]

Originally posted by apotheosis
...:eek:

you mean...you still PAY for porn?



HAHAHA! :D

Pay for porn? You people make me laugh :D

[Otto]

I had a similar experience to Cnote's. I rented a tape and got it home, only to discover there were WOMEN on it! Ew!

Of course, I didn't freak out and go into shock and nearly kill myself trying to pop the tape out of the VCR. But then, I wasn't overcompensating for something.

Lighten up.

[CnoteChris]

Originally posted by Otto
I had a similar experience to Cnote's. I rented a tape and got it home, only to discover there were WOMEN on it! Ew!

Of course, I didn't freak out and go into shock and nearly kill myself trying to pop the tape out of the VCR. But then, I wasn't overcompensating for something.

Lighten up.

It's not like I freaked out and started tearing up the room in some kind of blind rage, Otto. I got up and shut off the tape... only with an added sense of urgency.

I could have said, "Hey, look at this. You know, I've always wondered about this, and danggit, now I'm gonna find out for sure, and in beautiful Technicolor to boot. What an enlightening evening this will be!!"

That's not what happened. And I'm sorry, but I don't see a need to lie about that part of the story to pacify the SDMB PC police.

It wasn't anything I was expecting to see, and it marked a serious downturn in the plans for the night, at least the plans I had. That aspect of the events was as much as an irritation to me as what was on the tape.

If my actions were somehow insensitive to you, Otto, then I don't know what to tell you... maybe I can act more like you next time this happens.

I'll repeat what I said earlier though, it it makes you feel any better- as far as I'm concerned, people can do whatever the hell they want to do, I don't care. Honest. I simply don't want to see it in graphic detail as I'm trying to make the moves on the girlfriend, that's all.

So lighten up yourself.

[jayjay]

Vivid makes straight videos!?

jayjay (who doesn't spend much time in that section of the store)

[Guinastasia]

Well, I"m thinking Chris rented a porno for him and his girlfriend, for...um, you know...and it was kinda disappointing...

[Green Bean]

I'm with Guinny. I would guess that Chris rented the tape in an attempt to "heat things up." Speaking as a happy hetero, I can tell you that two guys going at it does not turn me on. In fact, it would probably be a turn-off in that context. And according to Chris's story, that's exactly what happened. Yeah, Otto, I think in this case, you're the one who needs to lighten up.

And who is this Janine?

[Neidhart]

I'm guessing it isn't Janine Turner.

[nightshadea]

funny story c but whats worse is vivid is pretty bad for putting the wrong tape in the wrong box this has gotten so bad that theres a no refund policy on tapes you by here so you open up the box before ya but the tape

soemthing else thats odd at the video store here they make you carry them out in a black plastic bag and scan them in the bag is this bible belt wanna be so cal town just paranoid or is this standard practice ?

[Otto]

It's not like I freaked out and started tearing up the room in some kind of blind rage, Otto.

No, you just made it sound like the momentary sight of two men engaged in sexual intercourse was so horrifying and threatening to you that you couldn't bear to see it even long enough to walk across the room and shut it off. It wasn't your actions that I found disturbing. It was your presentation of blind homosexual panic as not only understandable but hilarious. We get it. You like pussy. Stop overcompensating.

[Weird_AL_Einstein]

Originally posted by Town Drunk

Vivid Video, fuck you for having Janine sign a contract which stipulates she do no scenes with men. She's a PORN STAR, morons! What fucking dumbass lawyer approved that?

Well, IANAfucking dumbass lawyer, but I certainly approve. [Homer Simpson]Mmmmmmm...lesbians. They're sappholicious.[/Homer Simpson].


Originally posted by apotheosis
...:eek:

you mean...you still PAY for porn?






Do you do that before or after the community barn-raising?

Eeeee hee hee hee. Another perfectly good keyboard destroyed by transnasal coffee. :D And besides, [Homer Simpson again]It's funny because it's true...[/Homer Simpson again]

[OxyMoron]

Otto. Dearheart. Wouldn't you do the same thing if it were two women? And your boyfriend were watching :)??

I would.

Now, the bait-n-switch thing is rampant in porno, so yeah, go ahead and be cranky. Porn stores live by guys (and it is almost always guys) who are too scared to bitch.

It's one of those minor, fun things about being gay: you get over your porno embarassment a lot quicker. "This box said Jeff Stryker* and I'm not leaving 'til I get Jeff Stryker!" "That could be a while, guy, know what I mean?"


* A fallen porn star, allegedly bi (coff-coff-coff), definitely short, with a dick that looks humungous... in comparison with the rest of him. Oh, and nasty skin problems, too; the pancake they put on him! It's like they're trying to smooth the surface of the moon - with Clinique.

[Biggirl]

That was a funny story C.

Reading this thread made me feel sorry for you straight guys. Your damned if you do and damned if you don't. You guys have got to loosen up a bit and realize that looking at two men have sex really isn't as bad as you think it is. Straight women watch women having sex all the time (well, if you're a straight woman and watch any type of porn you do.) My eyes didn't melt or anything. It's just kind of boring.

Hey straight girl porn watchers, can you imagine the gymnasics we'd have to perform not to have to watch women having sex together in a "straight" porn video?

[Drastic]

Joo-Janta Anti-Peril Sunglasses. (Those who've memorized their Adams more thoroughly, insert correction here.)

Only, the would need to be calibrated to turn opaque at anything that runs contrary to the wearer's sexual identity. This could be feasible today, especially with digital media like dvd--add in an added signal of bitstream, perhaps something akin to macrovision protection, that, when received by the wireless-connected viewing helmet, triggers shutters that slam down over eyes and ears. Each user could configure it for various porn tropes that they don't care for.

By god, the venture capital I could waste if only someone would hand a stack of signed blank checks to me.

[Zaphod Beeblebrox]

Hmmmm... odd.

Vivid is probably the largest adult video company in North America. They've never been known to pull scams like that. Well, not in the last 15 years anyway. There must be some explanation.

[apotheosis]

Originally posted by Biggirl
You guys have got to loosen up a bit and realize that looking at two men have sex really isn't as bad as you think it is.
Sure it is, but not necessarily because the idea itself is grody.

Women tend to be delicate creatures, whereas men are big sweaty neanderthals. Watching two women is more aesthetically pleasant for a typical hetero male.
A pair of males together results in a net orifice deficit of two, as compared to two females together. There's less potential for variety.(1)
Men don't generally risk penis envy watching two women together.(2)
As Sam Kinison astutely noted, watching two women together is like taking notes from behind enemy lines. We str8 males already KNOW what we like; there's nothing to be learned from watching two men together. On the other hand, watching two women in porno movies leads to a better understanding of what women get into; for example, cunnilingus using only the tip of one's tongue, with your head cocked way over to the side and your hair flipped back to allow an optimal camera angle.

(1) No, foley catheters are NOT erotic, so don't fucking go there.
(2) Unless one of those women is Vanessa Del Rio, whose clit could choke a horse.

My eyes didn't melt or anything.
Then you got low-grade porn. The pure, uncut China White will not only melt your eyes, it'll peel off the top of your head with a pneumatic dildo and surgically implant the entire Karma Sutra into your frontal lobes.
It's just kind of boring.
Heretic. Blasphemer. Etcetera.
Hey straight girl porn watchers, can you imagine the gymnasics we'd have to perform not to have to watch women having sex together in a "straight" porn video?
Yes, but I don't know that it'd necessarily be classified as "gymnastics." It's mostly just bobbing your head up and down, after all.

:D

[Earl Snake-Hips Tucker]

Janine did do a "home movie" with Vince Neil. I haven't seen it (seriously), but I have heard about it.

[Oblong]

From my--or rather, other people's experiences, the customer gets a refund when either or both happened.

I'd feel funny going to a regular video store and complaining that my porn didn't match the box. The family behind you is waiting to check out some Disney flix and you are yelling "I wanted to see Buttfuckers from the planet Uranus and I got Shaving Ryan's Privates. I already SAW that!"

I've had that happen, where the movie I got wasn't what I expected but I was just so excited to have porn that by the time I realized it was teh wrong scene, it was too late. I took a nap after and woke up after they closed.

Porn is like pizza and beer. There's better flavors but really, even the bad ones are still good.

[Fern Forest]

Looks like Town Drunk hasn't come back to tell us what the video was. Durnit, I was really curious as to who this goddess was the piqued his curiosity so.

As per Janine you'd probably really have to know your porn to care enough to see her fucking a man. It's only as good as any other home video. But boy what is it with these home videos? Are they all just (un)lucky thefts or are people planning to break into certain peoples houses and hunt for videos? Pam Anderson, Tonya Harding, Janine, Mimi (sister to Elle) MacPherson and Kate Ritchie of some Australian soap, and now Britney Spears and her boring home video.

[Biggirl]

Britney Spears? Whose she hittin' baby, one more time?

[CnoteChris]

Originally posted by Otto
No, you just made it sound like the momentary sight of two men engaged in sexual intercourse was so horrifying and threatening to you that you couldn't bear to see it even long enough to walk across the room and shut it off.

To begin with, Otto, that’s not what I said.

What I said here earlier, and all over the place quite frankly, is that I couldn’t care less what people do behind closed doors. If that’s what they like, then by all means, they can have at it. I'm not saying it's an unacceptable life style, not at all. I'm saying it's a perfectly acceptable lifestyle, if that's what they choose to do.

Where have I said otherwise?

But after saying that, however, I don't think it's wrong for me to say I don’t want to see it. And I don't think it's acceptable for you to tell me otherwise.

Does the fact that I don’t want to see it invalidate my position that others should not only be allowed to do it, but that it’s their right?

Because that’s how I feel, and I’ll tell you right now, it pisses me off that someone can’t see that distinction for what it is- a distinction between giving people the right to do what they want, but not necessarily wanting to witness it.

Honestly, what do you expect?

I’m heterosexual. Given that, I'm not all that interested in sitting around a watching a gay video. I'm especially not all that interested in watching it when I had plans that were completely different. Plans, I might add, that were crashing and burning right before my eyes.

I didn't write that from the perspective of all guys, or all heterosexuals, or human kind or anything... It was the lone perspective of this guy, and this guy only.

The other part of your post that ticks me off is you attitude. Yeah, your attitude.

You bitch at me for not being tolerant.

Take a look in the mirror, pal.

Tolerance goes both ways, Otto, not just the way that serves your interests the best.

In this case, like I said earlier, it was clear from the get-go what the situation was- it was a hetero guy with his girlfriend sitting down to watch what was presumed to be a hetero porno… except it wasn’t, it was a gay video.

How’d you expect me to react?

I didn’t attack alternative lifestyles, nor did I say anything offensive or bigoted about it. You got the perspective of what happened from my viewpoint, not the neighbors, not the guy across the street, not the guy sitting next to you.

How would you like it if I came in here and said the things that you said if that post had involved two gay guys, or two lesbian women?

How would you feel if I said, “It wasn't your actions that I found disturbing. It was your presentation of blind heterosexual panic as not only understandable but hilarious. We get it. You like dick on dick, or pussy on pussy. Stop overcompensating”?

I have a feeling you’d be pissed, and others would be pissed, and I’d agree with them completely.

Why? Because that attitude is intolerant of others who don’t share the same viewpoints that they do.

How are you not doing that to me, here?

Like I said, Otto, tolerance goes both ways, not just your way, when it serves you best.

You’re pissed that I seem to be intolerant? Look in the mirror.

And finally, to clarify that last point, had that post been about gays and/or lesbians, and the situation was the exact same, except that they saw a straight video instead of a gay or lesbian one, I’d probably laugh harder than if it was what had actually happened.

That is, I’m sure there are homosexuals and lesbians who would not only be surprised by getting a straight video, I’d bet a few would actually respond to having it come on the way that I did.

I sure as hell wouldn’t come in here and tell them they need to be more sensitive to my feelings, or more sensitive to my lifestyle. I knew what I was reading, and I should know, or at least understand, that it’s going to come from that perspective.

Saying that should include my perspective, simply because it's my perspective and not the writers perspective, is not only ludicrous, it’s intolerant and naive.

*And since you hit a nerve, Otto, and since you brought it up twice, regarding the overcompensating crack- who’s overcompensating here Otto?

[erislover]

Well, I like Vivid porn. 'Bout all I ever buy unless something really catches my eye. Never had the switcheroo pulled on me before, but they airbrush the HELL out of the covers, sometimes to the extent that I am searching for the covergirl in the movie. "Is that her?" :p

I will always pay for porn. One step closer to legal prostitution IMO. ;)