Horribly embarrassing thread I'm gonna have closed as soon as it's answered

[Anubis]

Okay... apparently, I'm not as much a sex freak as the rest of you dopers out there are, so here goes...
A bunch of strange sex terms have been used lately, and I would like to know what they mean so I won't be the weirdo in the boards. Like, 'head' or 'woody' or any other terms you think I might not know.




I don't really want to do this, so any mod out there, close this after a fair few terms have been explained.

[pulykamell]

Well, I'll chime in at your request.
"Woody" is a rather sophomoric term for an erection. "Morning wood" refers to an erection you wake up with. "Boner" also is an erection, and is also a word which is, well, silly and childish. "Hard-on" is a more aggressive or direct word (and the standard, I'd say) for the same.

"Head" can be used in several senses. In one sense, it referes specifically to the head of a penis. In the phrase "giving head," this mean performing oral sex. "Going down on someone" also refers to performing oral sex.

I'm not sure which words you know, and which you don't, so if you give me examples, I'll answer them for you.

[Astroboy14]

Well, I'm just gonna chime in here (before the closure) to add that my Uncle named his dog "Woodie" simply so that every day he could say, "'Mornin' Wood!"

Hilarity always ensues...

(My Aunt and Uncle are pretty weird.)

[Anubis]

Someone can close it now. PLEASE????????


You're right, Astroboy14, your Aunt and Uncle are weird.

[KneadToKnow]

Suddenly I'm reminded of a Calvin and Hobbes where Calvin calls the library explaining that he needs to know how to spell a particular dirty word but can't remember which one, so he asks the librarian to just run down a list of them and he'll pick it out.

[Zyada]

Originally posted by Anubis
Someone can close it now. PLEASE????????


But darlin', we know so many more interesting sex terms!

[Anubis]

I don't care!!

[Angkins]

You asked darlin'....did you really think that you could asked a sex question and have noone answer?

BWAhahahahahha!

[Anubis]

No... Ack! Cough! Sputter! Stop calling me darlin'!!!!!!!!

[El Elvis Rojo]

Don't forget "The Beast with Two Backs."

[Enkidu]

And "hummer," that's a good one to know.

[Chef Troy]

"dining at the Y"?
having your salad tossed?
getting teabagged?

I'm sure SqrlCub will be along to cover those last two...

[Girl Hermit]

Originally posted by Astroboy14
Well, I'm just gonna chime in here (before the closure) to add that my Uncle named his dog "Woodie" simply so that every day he could say, "'Mornin' Wood!"

Hilarity always ensues...

(My Aunt and Uncle are pretty weird.)

One of my dogs is named Woody. The neighbors get a real kick out of Mr.Jawofech in the backyard going "Woody is such a good boy, yes he is. Who's my big Woody? Who's my big boy? Yay, Woody is the big boy, yes he is." I tell him when they hear the dog bark during this exchange they are either laughing or terribly afraid to look.



As for the OP, I like the term "Bumpin' Uglies".

[handy]

Huh? A Woody is a cool surfer car.

[Turbo Dog]

Doin the nasty.

Horizontal Bop/Lambada.

Munching Carpet.

Knob Gobblin'.

Tubesteak Boogey.

Pearl Necklace.

High Protein Colonic.

One Eyed Spitting Snake.

Naked Ballet.

Boinking.

Scroggin'.

Plow the field.

Lay some pipe.

Check the oil.

[Zebra]

Are there not several threads where lists of terms for varoius body parts, conditions, and acts are contained.

Plus Anubis do you know what feltching is?

[Anubis]

ARGHHHHHHH!!! Close this already!!!!!

[Anubis]

Originally posted by Zebra
Are there not several threads where lists of terms for varoius body parts, conditions, and acts are contained.

Plus Anubis do you know what feltching is?
I'm not sure I want to know, but I know it's coming, so just tell me.

[Turbo Dog]

Don't forget Snowballing.... Almost as yummy as Tossing the Salad:)

[Chickenhead]

My friend refers to fellatio as "getting brains."



Just thought you should know.

[Zyada]

Don't forget 69.

[Anubis]

I know 69.

[Zyada]

Intimately?

[GingerOfTheNorth]

Nobody had mentioned squicking.

[Angelnside]

Dining at the Y
Slob Nobbin
Blue Balls

I'm sure I know a few others.....but, I'll hush for now...

[Colibri]

Originally posted by Anubis
Originally posted by Zebra
Are there not several threads where lists of terms for varoius body parts, conditions, and acts are contained.

Plus Anubis do you know what feltching is?
I'm not sure I want to know, but I know it's coming, so just tell me.

Felch (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=45629)

[Mr. Cynical]

MUNG! MUNG! MUNG!

[screech-owl]

If you know 69, you ought to know:

68 (do me and I owe you one)
138 (dinner for 4)
698 (69 and a voyeur).

[Polycarp]

77 (you get eight more) :D

[AHunter3]

Felch

Don't look, Anubis!!

Trust me on this, you DON'T want to know!

[FairyChatMom]

Originally posted by Turbo Dog

Pearl Necklace.

This is a new one to me... Care to explain??

[SPOOFE]

Originally posted by Manservant Hecubus
MUNG! MUNG! MUNG!
Hey, that's MY word, and don't you forget it.

Unless, of course, you wanna head over to Forest Lawn and... y'know...

[Shadowfox]

A pearl necklace is when you let the guy ejaculate on your chest or in your face, usually during a blowjob or a titty-screw.

I know I'm asking for it, but was is "squicking"?

[Cliffy]

Originally posted by FairyChatMom
Originally posted by Turbo Dog

Pearl Necklace.

This is a new one to me... Care to explain??

Come on, this one's pretty easy. What could happen in a sexual encounter that makes a woman look like she's wearing pearls?

--Cliffy

P.S. "having your salad tossed"? Not familiar with this one.

[FairyChatMom]

Originally posted by Shadowfox
A pearl necklace is when you let the guy ejaculate on your chest or in your face, usually during a blowjob or a titty-screw.

Son of a gun - there's a name for everything... Learn sumpin' new every day...

[Turbo Dog]

FCM,

Pearl Necklace: When a man "drops his goo, blows his wad, gets a nut, spurts his love, delivers his load, etc" in the area of a womans neckline. Commonly a result of "splitting the melons, orbiting the planets, riding the orbs, etc" aka Bohemian Titty F*$K. Although occasionally can be a result of "Spanking the Monkey, beating the bishop, choking the chicken, a game of five on one", or "getting a hummer, lipstick lubejob, tongue bath, taking oral temperature, dental exam ala beef, getting a Monica".

[FairyChatMom]

um, Thanks, Turbo Dog... Hard to believe I spent 11 years in the Navy and never encountered some of the gems you've shared.

[Colibri]

Of course, Bill Clinton gave Monica Lewinsky what was possibly the most costly pearl necklace in history.

[Mudshark]

Than there is also Faire la Rose, a French idiom, that describes the act of cunnilingus.

[Turbo Dog]

Anytime FairyChatMom. And it's okay... us really nasty perverts went to the Marines :)

[Bumbazine]

My favorite is still "riding the baloney pony" from Grumpy Old Men. :)

[Asylum]

Blumpkin? Anyone heard of that one?

[Rysdad]

...and then there's:

Rubbin' the nubbin
Gilding the lily
Strumming the bush banjo
Part 'em and pet 'em

and so on.

[Rysdad]

...and then there's:

Rubbin' the nubbin
Gilding the lily
Strumming the bush banjo
Part 'em and pet 'em

and so on.

[bobkitty]

I like snogging and shagging, myself. And tongue lashings. :D

[Colibri]

Moustache rides (5 cents)

[Lost In Reality]

I have never heard of a Blumpkin, but I have heard of a Grumpkin. I assume that they are the same thing. Any ever heard of a kangaroo punch or a bismark (not the German Chancellor)?

[psychogumby]

Playing the Meat Kazoo (and munching on the Love Taco)

Beef Curtains

[Anubis]

I'm still looking for a mod to close this.

[DarkWriter]

Playing the flesh flute.

Husband was quite pleased with himself when he brought that phrase home from work.

Sheri

[ARose]

Cleveland Steamer, Uncle Karl, New Jersey Meat Hook, Dirty Sanchez, Donkey Kicker, Snowballing, et cetera!

~ARose

[Gozu Tashoya]

Don't forget to "get your red wings." :)

[Astroboy14]

"tossing one's salad", according to Chris Rock, is having someone lick your *sshole... :D

Ha! This is still open!;)

[toshirodragon]

I kinda like "boxing the trouser mouse" It has a priceless visual.
Don't forget:
golden showers
brown showers (ick!)
circle jerk - not the rock group
cooking sausage - my hub's favorite
beaver
oh jeez I need to drag off the hubby now :D

[Wump]

Originally posted by Astroboy14
"tossing one's salad", according to Chris Rock, is having someone lick your *sshole... :D


"Having your salad tossed, is having your *sshole eaten out with jelly or syrup. I prefer syrup."

-Chris Rock, paraphrasing the tossed salad guy from an HBO special on jails.

[Flymaster]

"When you're sucking a cock, you can pretend it's something else. But when you're eating an ass, you KNOW it's an ass."

-Chris Rock, on Salad tossing

[Chef Troy]

By the way, am I the only one who's noticed thatthe letters in the OP's user name can be rearranged to spell "Bi Anus"?

[Kricket]

Leave it to you my love to figure out that one!

[Astroboy14]

Originally posted by Wump
Originally posted by Astroboy14
"tossing one's salad", according to Chris Rock, is having someone lick your *sshole... :D

"Having your salad tossed, is having your *sshole eaten out with jelly or syrup. I prefer syrup."

-Chris Rock, paraphrasing the tossed salad guy from an HBO special on jails.


Thanks Wump!! I knew there was something more to it, but couldn't remember what it was!;)

[Genseric]

I prefer the phrases that sound dirty, but aren't. With apologies to David Letterman.

Wind Surfing on Mount Baldy.

Shaking Hands With Abraham Lincoln.

Getting a Quarter Pounder at the Golden Arches.

[Mersavets]

I have a feeling a Blumpkin is a variant of the Blumphy. This was, according to the Popbitch mailing list, a practice enjoyed by Gene Simmons from Kiss. After a gig, he'd get a groupie backstage to blow him whilst taking a shit.

Sorry, but it was asked. :D

[handy]

I have a feeling the OP has asked this to be closed a few times & out of respect it should be.

[omni-not]

Originally posted by Anubis
Someone can close it now. PLEASE????????


You're right, Astroboy14, your Aunt and Uncle are weird.

Fourth post...

Two pages later, still going strong.

SDMB = sex-obsessed? Pffffth

[Anubis]

Originally posted by handy
I have a feeling the OP has asked this to be closed a few times & out of respect it should be.
Thank you! Now, will someone PLEASE CLOSE THIS THREAD!!!!! handy, you are now on my very short list of dopers to be nice to.

[frock75]

Hairy clam
Fur burger
Doin the nappy dugout
Stink finger

ooohh.....this is fun!!

[frock75]

Hairy clam
Fur burger
Doin the nappy dugout
Stink finger

ooohh.....this is fun!!

[CalMeacham]

Is there a Monster at the end of this thread, too? Is Anubis the SDMB Grover?

[Bob Scene]

How about "inserting one's erect penis into a woman's vagina"? Snicker, snicker.

[Enright3]

Wow! Have you guys seen the "view" count on this thread?!

No one's mentioned "Playing 'Hide the Salami'".

Victor, the one-eyed Boa Constrictor.

How about some Irish* Sausage? *insert ethnic background here!
E3

[capybara]

Didn't we all learn "Roman Shower" somewhere lately? Perhaps in the Caligula thread.

For an extramarital affair: "Offshore drilling"

[miamouse]

alright, I'm not sure if this is related or not, but somehow I get the feeling it probably is.

What the hell is a sockpuppet?

[Gatopescado]

this has got to be bullshit! i mean, the guy who posted the original question was formerly known as "bobevilsquid"!

bob me!

[ninja_rydr]

Well if you can't take the skin boat to tuna town you could always do the five knuckle shuffle . But if you are going to knock boots you may want to start things off by yodelin' in the valley .

[Ethilrist]

The there's Whacking a Mole...

[Oblong]

Dirty Sanchez

[Rysdad]

Breakin' a bronco.

(While engaged doggy style, whisper, "You're almost as good as your sister.")

[Sweet 'Sota Girl]

Anubis, you silly little hypocrite, you.

Here you are in this thread asking us to explain the finer vocabulary of sex. (They are websites and books on this you know? Try a google search, you'll have a blast!)

Then you have a post in the Pit complaining about all the sex/porn threads. Are you not contributing to the exact problem you're complaining about?

You now have two pages worth on this thread alone? There goes your valuable space (although I didn't realize we were on a space limit...)

Then you say you're going to close the thread after you get your answer(s). It's 2 pages long for heaven's sake! You're getting quite the education aren't you?

You're going to become a nymphomaniac yet, huh?

[Gamelan]

What about "Dirty Sanchez"

That's when you take your ... never mind. Suffice to say, if you get one and don't react negatively, you're in love.

[Little Nemo]

Blumpkin? Anyone heard of that one?

I just bought something on eBay from a guy who uses that as his screen name. I wonder if he knows what it means.

Anyone know about the expression "boxing clever"? I heard it in a song. It's something the singer's girlfriend does but I have no idea what it is.

[jesuslynch]

A Complete List of Fexual Acts (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=32246)

It ain't for the squeamish.

[arachnidlove]

Originally posted by gatopescado
this has got to be bullshit! i mean, the guy who posted the original question was formerly known as "bobevilsquid"!

bob me!

Uhm..as far as I remember. Bob was a girl...er..still is.

BTW, did anyone ever find out what "glass bottom boat" meant?

[Esprix]

"Tossing the salad?" Never heard that one - it's called "rimming."

Then, of course, there's fisting...

Esprix

[Civil Defense]

"Tossing the salad?" Never heard that one - it's called "rimming."

If you're from the east coast, it's "tossing the salad". I've been up and down this side of the US and hadn't heard of rimming until South Park came along.

[robinh]

Originally posted by Civil Defense
If you're from the east coast, it's "tossing the salad". I've been up and down this side of the US and hadn't heard of rimming until South Park came along.

Not in my part of the East Coast (New England) it isn't. I'd never heard the expression "tossing (one's) salad" before the Chris Rock comedy routine. "Rimming" is the description I've always heard.

I like making up new ones.

A couple weeks ago, while enjoying an ice cream on the town green with my family, I happened to glance at a sign over the fabric store across the way. It's called "The Button Box" and the sign maker cleverly replaced the "O" in the first word with a button. Cute, yes? Unfortunately, the button is painted in a dark color that, when viewed from afar in the afternoon sun, fades away into the background. The sign read, to my perverse mind, "Butt 'n Box." And while I'm sure that the upstanding women who run the place have never referred to any part of their respective anatomies as "boxes", I couldn't help but fall all over myself in poorly disguised laughter. And my husband has taken to waggling his eyebrows suggestively and proposing that we go quilt.

[Flymaster]

Originally posted by arachnidlove
BTW, did anyone ever find out what "glass bottom boat" meant?

Yes...unfortunately. I stumbled across it while looking up Filthy Sanchez after that South Park episode.

A "glass bottomed boat" is placing a piece of plastic wrap on one's partner's face, and then defecating on said plastic.

[Dijon Warlock]

Heat-seeking moisture missle.

[Esprix]

Originally posted by Civil Defense

If you're from the east coast, it's "tossing the salad". I've been up and down this side of the US and hadn't heard of rimming until South Park came along.

Sorry, born and raised in Philadelphia, been out and gay and active in the community for 15 years, never once heard "tossing the salad," always "rimming." And if anyone knows perverted sex lingo, t'would be us faggots. :D

Esprix

[VitrolicBump]

Originally posted by Little Nemo
Anyone know about the expression "boxing clever"? I heard it in a song. It's something the singer's girlfriend does but I have no idea what it is.

I can't believe I am posting in this thread, but I have to say that that phrase is used in the Placebo song "Pure Morning". (Prolly not the only song to use this, but it fits with the context of what you are saying)

A friend in needs a friend indeed,
My Japanese is better,
And when she’s pressed she will undress,
And then she’s boxing clever

I have no idea what it means though. They do sing a lot of things that I have no clue about or have to guess. :shrug:

[Heath Doolin]

-The Dreaded Rear Admiral
-Stumping (no it is not sex...something entirely worse) also called the Captain Hook
-Circle Jerk
-Speedballin
-Elephant Walk (this one is sick- anyone want to fathom a guess?)

[Flymaster]

"The Stranger" - sitting on one's hand until it falls asleep, then masturbating with that hand, so as to simulate the feeling of a hand job from someone else.

[Caiata]

*blushes a little*

So I was in the car one day with a couple of friends, and the word 'blowjob' was getting seriously overused, and it just doesn't have any pizzazz anyway, and I was desparate for some way to spice up the conversation a little, or make it perhaps a little more amusing ... You can only hear the word 'blowjob' so many times before it loses its humour, after all.

So in the midst of this conversation - which, while I was musing over all this 'blowjob' boredom, had turned to something else completely - I have a revelation, a whole new name in all its glory had exposed itself to me, and like any mildly insane woman who has suddenly realised something of a profound and important nature, I scream out:

"Sippin' the Smegma Slurpee!!!"

... and I will never live that one down.

In fact it's become rather mandatory that people go buy those white-cherry slurpees and offer them to me whenever humanly possible.

*smirks*

"Smegma Slurpee, anyone?"

[Civil Defense]

Exactly my point, Espirix :)

[miamouse]

Originally posted by Flymaster
"The Stranger" - sitting on one's hand until it falls asleep, then masturbating with that hand, so as to simulate the feeling of a hand job from someone else.

my hubby calls this 'giving yourself a numby'

I have a freind who used to call women who used kegel exercises 'smokers'. (cough=contraction="Hey Pete, remember Kelly? Well, she's a smoker.")

[ninja_rydr]

Originally posted by Heath Doolin

-Elephant Walk (this one is sick- anyone want to fathom a guess?)

Get a bunch of naked guys (usually really drunk Rugby players) standing in a single file line each guy grabs the sack in front of him, then the first guy uses is arm like a elephant's trunk. When you actually see this it looks like a line of elephants linked trunk to tail.

[Esprix]

Originally posted by Civil Defense

Exactly my point, Espirix :)

<sigh>

E-s-p-r-i-x

[Little Nemo]

I can't believe I am posting in this thread, but I have to say that that phrase is used in the Placebo song "Pure Morning". (Prolly not the only song to use this, but it fits with the context of what you are saying)

Yup, that's the song. For what it's worth, it's the only place I've heard this phrase. But I had thought the line was rhymed with "A friend who's dressed in leather" not "my Japanese is better" (which I believe is a reference to having an orgasm); maybe it appears twice in the song.

[VitrolicBump]

Nope, LN. You can find the full lyrics here (http://www.thebsh.com/lyrics/wyin.htm#pure).

[leander]

dlgirl

You naughty girl - what are you doing in this thread? Is that boyfriend of yours corrupting you already? :)

Leander

[VitrolicBump]

Nope, Leander...he isn't. The board here was doing a great job of that already. :D

[uberDave]

Twas awhile ago now, but when I was in college anal sex was known as wild back door. Said college was located in the heart of the piedmont region in North Carolina, just a county away from Pilot Mountain, and so.... on many occasions one could hear in voices strangely like Andy Griffith and Barney Fife... "You'll c'mon 'round back, ya her". Well, it was funny at the time, anyway.