Before you do Cecil's Survey -READ THIS

[kanicbird]

http://www.straightdope.com/user-survey/
[Special message from Cecil Adams himself: ]

So I think it is qualified to be in this section, plus since Cecil is requesting our personal information, I want this to be in the most prominent section of the SDMB.

[Who are these guys? The Teeming Millions, that is.

We'd like to find out. ]

Who is this Cecil guy, we would like to find out. I think Cecil should fill out this form and make it available to the Teeming Millions (for, you know, advertising reasons) and in exchange we, The Teeming Millions will gratefully fill out Cecil's form.

[Koxinga]

Very astute reply. I second that. Cecil, how about it? What was your income as declared on your 1999 income tax form? What is your marital status? Your zip code?

Having the site make a blatant appeal for marketable demographic data for the purpose of moolah, well, I could understand. It's got to sustain its existence somehow, and after all it's only a sort of supporting platform for the revered Straight Dope. But to witness Cecil himself descending from his ivory tower--not to say hi to his admirers, not bestow directly upon us his wit and wisdom, but instead to pass the hat for doubleclick database fodder--say it ain't so!

Et tu, Cecil?

Doghouse Reilly

[Koxinga]

And please note, Cecil, that our request is not merely a whimsical one--we deserve an answer, in this thread. Come on down, big man! Let us know the doubleclicking Straight Dope! We'll show you ours if you show us yours.

Awaiting anxiously your reply, yr most obd't srv't,

DHR

[Otto]

Is this a recent survey? Hasn't SDTV been off the air for like, years?



And what's the deal with "marital status"? Where do those of us in long-term committed relationships note that? "Straight" Dope indeed.

[Tom Dark]

There isn't any Cecil Adams. There never was any Cecil Adams. There never will be any Cecil Adams.

Cecil Adams is the concoction of his so-called "editor," Ed Zotti.

Take note of the PAST biographical information "Cecil" has written. It is the bio of a now middle-aged man who grew up in an Italian neighborhood in Chicago; the info often contains the sentiments of someone who is far more likely to be named "Ed Zotti" than he would "Cecil Adams."

I say "take note of the PAST biographical info" because after I wrote Ed Zotti last year with this playful accusation, Cecil's "biographical" info suddenly changed character... and there seems now to be much less of it.

The name "Cecil" is not particularily probable for an American baby-boomer, which is roughly the time period of Cecil's birth. It might be U.K. or even Canadian, but that name wasn't very popular among Angloismas in that time period either.

Let's say that it's a made-up name. I have actual friends whose real surname is Adams. One family of them are descended from the Presidents Adams, and the other, god knows who. I also grew up with lots of Italian buddies, some of whom are still best pals.

I happen to be a full-blooded white type whose ancestors fought in the American Revolution. I am so white on both sides of my family that we have never needed toilet paper, tho' some relative may have made a fortune manufacturing it. And my best pal is an Italian American. So there are homey details "Cecil" has written now and then that don't make genetic sense to my ken.

My more literate Italian pals like to make up "white" sounding names. "Cecil Adams" is just about right for someone not utterly familiar with how "white" people think in the herd. What genuine whitebread Adams would name his kid "Cecil" within the past 60 years? Or, frankly, within the time period that "Cecil B. DeMille" reigned as a household name?

There are many various other reasons that make the authenticity of a human being named "Cecil Adams" somewhat improbable as well. "The world's smartest men" don't write like that. Their writing is more likely to seem somewhat incomprehensible to us "teeming millions." "Cecil's" writing really DOES sound like someone pretty smart who grew up in a neighborhood where there was lots of chat in the vernacular... lots of hearty articulating and customary reversion to humor and sardonicism to make a point.

As I read these threads waiting for one more truly worthy subject to debate, I often come across remarks people have made that suggest that, if perhaps despite themselves, they too suspect that Cecil Adams is just a concoction for a newspaper column.

There is less probability of there being a real and true-born Cecil Adams than there is of being an actual Santa Claus. Let's clear this up now, before Ed Zotti III has the teeming gullibles fooled about there being a 150-year-old "World's Smartest Man" off in the future.

By the way, Jill, you're fulla crap about the AIDS thing for which you irrelevantly shut down a decent debate. I was there and you weren't. But the point here is, there is no Cecil Adams.

[Nickrz]

What is your marital status? Not to be a smart guy, but anyone who has carefully read Cecil's books would know his marital status. (And plenty of other personal details).

[Kat]

Originally posted by Otto:
Is this a recent survey? Hasn't SDTV been off the air for like, years?

Yeah, but if you read one of the many "How did you discover SD?" threads that pop up regularly in MPSIMS, there's always a couple people who mention that SDTV turned them onto SD. I don't know if the SD site was up at the same time SDTV was on the air, or if the site was mentioned on the show, but if it was, who's to say there aren't fans who have been visiting since then.

And I agree with Tom Dark. People never give their kids uncommon, unpopular, strange or unlikely names, people's names always reflect their ethnicity, people never change their names for any reason and people who use pseudonyms, pen names or stage names are all Ed Zotti.

[Lagged2Death]

There isn't any Cecil Adams. There never was any Cecil Adams. There never will be any Cecil Adams.
Cecil Adams is the concoction of his so-called "editor," Ed Zotti.

I've wondered if this is the case, largely because of the abuse Cecil's columns regularly pour on "little Ed." I've thought that either "little Ed" would have to be the true author poking fun at himself, or he'd have to be the thickest-skinned person on the planet. Fun is fun, but getting abused, in print, again and again for years - that would get old.

However, I also take the "who cares" attitude here - I don't care if Cecil is real or not. The columns written in his name are informative and entertaining, and I will continue to read them, whatever name they are printed under.

[Yue Han]

Let us assume, blasphemously, that Ed Zotti=Cecil Adams. Does this mean that there is no Cecil Adams?

Was there no Groucho Marx because his name was Julius?

A pen name does not destroy the validity of the work. The author of the Straight Dope is the smartest man alive.

I resent the implication that an Italian could not be the smartest man alive.

Racist.

--John

[Manduck]

Originally posted by Kat:
And I agree with Tom Dark. People never give their kids uncommon, unpopular, strange or unlikely names, people's names always reflect their ethnicity, people never change their names for any reason and people who use pseudonyms, pen names or stage names are all Ed Zotti.

Now that's sarcasm! :D

[Tom Dark]

Cecil! Showeth me thy hand and feet wounds, that I may putteth my spatula into them! Revealeth to me thy pierc-ed heart, that I may squirteth it with seltzer! Or 'fess up now.

I love a good meaty sarcasm myself. If Kat had written one I'd have been the first to notice. God, I hope I don't have to explain that one.

Nobody but nobody gave their kids intentionally silly names in the time period we're talking about, Kat. No "Dweezils" or "Moon Units" or boys named Sue, so to speak. There are presently 134 people in the US phone directory who are named Cecil Adams.

Even including an unprecedented number of people too embarrassed for others to know their name through phone book, it is a virtually negligible percentage of people named Adams whose first name is Cecil. By far most of these Cecil Adams live down South, where more antiquated names are preserved by inflicting them on children.

The most likely way to get named "Cecil" is to be related to one. There is no one named Cecil Adams who has a listed phone number in Chicago or surrounding area. Nobody unafraid of having name in phone book named Cecil Adams grew up in Chicago who lives there now, and I'm including the 'burbs and the whole state. They're all down south. Our "Cecil" grew up in an Italian n-hood in Chicago.

I see a predictable sampling of concensus already; contributors are pretty sure that "Cecil Adams" is a pseudonym. I'm not saying that. I'm saying "there isn't any Cecil Adams." His "real name" isn't Sam Clemens or Ed Zotti. Ed Zotti is the man behind the curtain pulling all the levers that make fire puff out around the translucent Wizard's throne. I'm saying Cecil is a fictional character.

The point is, here, this fictional character is asking real people to cough up stats so his advertising dept. can use them to attract advertisers.

We should all stop bitching about imaginary invasions of our imaginary privacy by requests from a fictional character. We should hand Cecil Adams all the statistics we imagine his advertisers would want to hear. Our fictions should do just as good.

I don't know about you guys, but I made close to a million dollars last year at my job, just for starters. And... make mine a Dewar's.

[Czarcasm]

Questions for Tom Dark:

When someone comes up to you and says,"Knock-knock!", do you go and answer the door?

[whitetho]

Ed Zotti has said, many times, that he is flattered when people claim that he is in fact Cecil Adams, since it is a great compliment to be thought of as "the world's most intellegent human being". (Cecil, I suspect, is not amused).

I'm even more impressed by this assertion that Ed has the power to bend time and space, since the claim that "Cecil Adams is the concoction of his so-called 'editor,' Ed Zotti." means that Ed somehow "created" Cecil four years and two editors before he took over editorship of the column.

We all can't be as smart as Cecil, and, sadly, that makes some people bitter and dried up inside. And people like that make Cecil cry...

[Beruang]

quote:

==================

Nobody but nobody gave their kids intentionally silly names in the time period we're talking about, Kat. No "Dweezils" or
"Moon Units" or boys named Sue, so to speak.

===========

A pretty broad assertion. Have you researched every name of every boomer to support this contention?

And I am unclear as to how "Cecil Adams" qualifies as an "intentionally silly name"? "Adams" is about as plain as it gets, and "Cecil," while certainly no "John" or "Michael," is far from unknown.

quote:

================

There are presently 134 people in the US phone directory who are named Cecil Adams.
Even including an unprecedented number of people too embarrassed for others to know their name through phone book, it is a virtually negligible percentage of people named Adams whose first name is Cecil.

=========

I believe we have a new record for specious reasoning. I did a web search and found only two people with *my* name. I guess that means I don't exist, either. Damn. And I was so enjoying existence, too.

My sister's name is Roberta Geralyn D. My girlfriend's name is Sri Gadis Ranti J. It would appear that my entire life is statistically improbable. Well, don't that beat all?



------------------
"The dawn of a new era is felt and not measured." Walter Lord

[JillGat]

[[By the way, Jill, you're fulla crap about the AIDS thing for which you irrelevantly shut down a decent debate. I was there and you weren't. But the point here is, there is no Cecil Adams.]]

I'd be happy to respond to that if I knew which comments/debate you were referring to! Might be better to start a separate thread to address it, though. The rest of the thread has been pointed out to Cecil and Ed for a response.

[Otto]

The rest of the thread has been pointed out to Cecil and Ed for a response.



For "a" response? There we have it, proof positive that Cecil and Ed are one and the same!

[SingleDad]

<blinking in disbelief> I usually don't post in this forum: Cecil said it, I believe it, that settles it (to coin a phrase ;)).

But seriously, are y'all as blind to humor, irony, and power of the running joke as your posts seem to indicate?

------------------
No matter where you go, there you are.

[Stonecutter912]

I always figured Cecil Adams was a pen-name. Considering the nature of some of the early questions, and the fact that the column was originally supposed to be "underground"..no one in their right mind would use their real name.
"Cecil Adams" is a bit different without being totally weird, and it sounds like a real Brit/Yank name.
Personally I wouldn't be surprised to find his real name is Yoda Yankovic..

And YES. Let's have Cecil do a survey for us the Teeming Millions. This Millionth seconds that motion!!

quoted by Tom Dark:
The most likely way to get named "Cecil" is to be related to one.

So, Cecil B. DeMille must have come from a long line of "Cecils", huh?

Just asking. :cool:

also quoted by Tom Dark:
Nobody but nobody gave their kids intentionally silly names in the time period we're talking about,

When I was in grade school and junior high in the early 60's, in a white-bread Chicago suburb, among all the Debbies and Terrys and Donnas and Lindas we had a girl named Vandella, and a girl named Stella.

FYI: Back in the early 1900's, people started naming their daughters "Gladys" and "Wendy" and "Gwendolyn", all of which were totally made-up, brand-new names.

The hippies of the late 60's didn't have a monopoly on unusual "Names for Baby". There have always been people in every generation who insist on giving the kid the traditional family name, whether it's a "Cecil" surrounded by Bobs, Bills, Teds, and Joes, or a "Bill" surrounded by Jasons, Joshuas, Jeremys, and Brandons.

[Ed Zotti]

Tom Dark shrewdly conjectures:

Cecil Adams is the concoction of his so-called "editor," Ed Zotti.

If you want to think I'm the world smartest human being - the man who knows everything and is never wrong - don't expect me to object.

[ZenBeam]

The truth is, The Straight Dope is really written by Dave Barry. He started it as a source for a future column (some week when he's short on ideas).

"...and millions of people (I swear I am not making this up) believe that the world's smartest human is writing a column for a paper. Not a major paper like The New York Times or Grit. He's writing for a free alternative weekly..."

------------------
It is too clear, and so it is hard to see.

[mrsphlem]

GO, ED!!!!

[yabob]

I've known a couple of Cecils - it isn't THAT uncommon. More popular a couple generations ago, and, as observed already, most contemporary Cecils are probably named for a relative from those earlier generations.

I think it a strong possibility that SD has changed hands once or twice, given the length of time it has run. Contrary to popular belief, the style of the column isn't so unique as to defy duplication. Indeed, the informed-but-somewhat-irreverent, and clothed in everyday vernacular style is common among the essayists of our day. None of us are about to bother to decipher Proust or Kant in our newspapers and magazines, and with the amount of competition for our eyeballs out there, you have to entertain a bit to be heard.

It might be interesting to see a syntactical / word frequency analysis of the SD columns from different points in its history.

"The world's smartest men" don't write like that. Their writing is more likely to seem somewhat incomprehensible to us "teeming millions."

I disagree. The world's smartest have always known how to speak to their fellow beings. The world's SPECIALISTS are the ones who value incomprehensibility, and, as Heinlein suggested, specialization is for insects.

[Tom Dark]

So! There we have it! Ed Zotti has confessed!

Proudly, I raise my gruesome trophy before the "teeming millions" for all to see... shaking it by the hair for emphasis.

<h1>THERE IS NO CECIL ADAMS.</h1>

Oh, he's a clever one, that Zotti. Wants us to presume somebody WANTS to "think of him as the world's smartest man." But that's how this ruse BEGAN, DIDN'T IT? (shake, shake)! (No answer)

(oops... what's this that fell out of the ear... why, that's the smallest pocket calculator I've ever seen!)

That's right. Zotti's objection to anyone thinking he is the smartest man in the world is so small, he'll even create a fictional character that purports to be, just so others can suspect it's him.

There is no Cecil Adams. Case closed. Slammed shut. Door Barred. Key Swallowed. Tumbler spun. Furniture lodged. Lights out. Gas off. Mail and newspaper stopped. Change of address cards filled out. (I'd have even rebuted all those who've made tedious little cases against my reasoning through their own semi-literate misunderstandings, but Zotti has rendered this unneccessary. Kudos to SingleDad, a man of High Comprehension.)

Hey. Dave Barry doesn't even write his own columns. He told me so. I have that in his own writing. He says it has to do with a picture of the Miami Herald publisher and a pony. If he was being funny, none of you would see that, therefore, Dave Barry doesn't write his own stuff, and there is no Cecil Adams.

PS, Jill, I got your e-mail and I know you're rankling. But screw you! You already played one game of nyaah-nyaah with me and killed a good debate that people were reading. Nyaah nyaah back.

Gee golly, and here all this time I was assuming that it was Cecil who was real and "Ed Zotti" who was made up! Thanks for clarifying this for me, Tom! :rolleyes:

Oh, and Tom? I surely would appreciate seein' you back up the following quote with some hard evidence, seein' as how I'm just a wide-eyed lil' newbie, just a-thirstin' for information on this Strange New World of the Straight Dope Message Board. Enlighten me, woudja?

quote by Tom Dark
I say "take note of the PAST biographical info" because after I wrote Ed Zotti last year with this playful accusation, Cecil's "biographical" info suddenly changed character... and there seems now to be much less of it.

And say, that's mighty gracious of you to admit that hey, some of your best friends were Italian-Americans (but you wouldn't want your sister to marry one, right? ;))

Why am I bothering with this?

I haven't had my coffee yet, that must be it. Coffee--bring coffee!


------------------
"Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast!" - the White Queen

Hey, I get it! I get it!

:::doing victory dance:::
I GET IT! I GET IT! I GET IT!

Tom Dark is the April Fools' Day joke! I knew the fake "ED ZOTTI" posts were too obvious, I knew there had to be a real April Fools' Day post somewhere, and I SPOTTED IT!!

:::more dancing around:::
Hooray, hooray, hooray!
.
.
.
.
.
.
...so, what do I win?...

------------------
"Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast!" - the White Queen

Living proof of the power of caffeine.

------------------
"Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast!" - the White Queen

[lswote]

I, for one, don't care if there is a Cecil Adams, whether Ed Zotti is Cecil Adams or even if one person is responsible for the column or if many people contribute under one name. If you read any of the replys in Cecil's Mailbag submitted by the Straight Dope Science Advisory Board, you can see the answers are just as enlightening and entertaining, and more surprisingly, the style is pretty much like Cecil's, even his caustic wit. Many of the columns would pass as Cecil's if they weren't signed by their respective authors.

I think the bottom line about the column isn't if Cecil exists, or if he is the world's smartest man, but that the column is entertaining and provides well-researched answers to questions that a lot of us have wondered about.

------------------
"The truth does not make a good story; that's why we have art."

[JillGat]

[[PS, Jill, I got your e-mail and I know you're rankling. But screw you! You already played one game of nyaah-nyaah with me and killed a good debate that people were reading. Nyaah nyaah back.]]

Just looking for clarification on the AIDS thing, but never mind. No rankling here!
Carry on. Or don't. Sheesh.
Jill

[KimKatt]

Originally posted by lswote:
I, for one, don't care if there is a Cecil Adams, whether Ed Zotti is Cecil Adams or even if one person is responsible for the column or if many people contribute under one name...I think the bottom line about the column isn't if Cecil exists, or if he is the world's smartest man, but that the column is entertaining and provides well-researched answers to questions that a lot of us have wondered about.


And originally posted by Lagged2Death:
However, I also take the "who cares" attitude here - I don't care if Cecil is real or not. The columns written in his name are informative and entertaining, and I will continue to read them, whatever name they are printed under.


That's the true point, folks.

------------------
Any similarities between your reality and mine are purely coincidental.

Originally posted by Tom Dark:
By the way, Jill, you're fulla crap about the AIDS thing for which you irrelevantly shut down a decent debate. I was there and you weren't.

JillGat, sweetie, I can't just sit here and hear you calumnified (is that a word?) So I went rummaging around, and I believe I may have found a plausible explanation for Tom Dark's "AIDS thread" that you supposedly "shut down".

There was an old thread on AIDS from April 1999 that was abruptly resurrected in Feb. 2000, called "AIDS in the bubble", http://boards.straightdope.com/ubb/Forum1/HTML/000040.html, and which was abruptly dropped. At the end of the thread, a poster named xtnjohnson asks Jill,
...could you maybe, perhaps, pretty please tell us more about three circumstances in which "getting rid of HIV" has been reported to occur?
and he follows this with another post asking,
Of course, if there are prior discussions that I've missed, please let me know! Thanks. There is no return post from Jill.

Then, there was another thread in March 2000, called "AIDS without HIV", http://boards.straightdope.com/ubb/Forum1/HTML/000555.html, that similarly came to an abrupt end, again with JillGat's post being the next to last one.

Perhaps Tom Dark is assuming that because JillGat never posted back with any examples for xtnjohnson in the first thread, or that she was the next to last poster in the second one, that she had closed the threads, for whatever private nefarious reasons.

Does this help?


------------------
"Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast!" - the White Queen

[coosa]

Aha! I've figured it out! JillGat is actually Cecil Adams AND Ed Zotti!

Or is Lynn Bodoni actually Ed Zotti - both Italian names, you know. But of course, if Lynn wants to keep this a secret, she'll call her cousin Vinnie . . .

Wait! I have it! TubaDiva is actually Ed Zotti and Lynn is Cecil - the Italian name thing is a ruse to throw us off the track. ;)

But what if Nickrz is really Cecil and DavidB is really Ed Zotti, and Dex is really Tuba, and manhattan is really Guadere and Guadere is really manhattan, and Lynn and Jill are identical twin sisters separated at birth, with one raised in the forest by elves and the other abducted by aliens? Then Tuba must really be the Tooth Fairy!



------------------
You've got a point there, brother - and one of these days I'm going to figure out what it is. - Cecil Adams

[Danielinthewolvesden]

OK guys, fun is fun, but it is time to pay the piper. Shut up & do the survey.

[kanicbird]

not until Cecil gives us his info!
not until Cecil gives us his info!
not until Cecil gives us his info!
not until Cecil gives us his info!
not until Cecil gives us his info!
not until Cecil gives us his info!
not until Cecil gives us his info!
not until Cecil gives us his info!
not until Cecil gives us his info!
not until Cecil gives us his info!

[Tom Dark]

I've been getting up extra early to do important, valuable things, like clip my toenails, and what happens... some strange pica sirens to me from the Straight Dope...

That's right, K2Dave, stick to your guns! Contributors here are missing the point.

Let me reiterate the point: "Cecil Adams," a fictional character with no more substance than Snubby the Squirrel, purported to be smarter even that Marilyn vos Savant, whose IQ is spread wide open in the Guinness Book of World Records for all to ogle, wants vital private information from all of us... to hand out for non-fictional uses.

Hi, boys and girls! I'm Officer Snubby the Squirrel! Don't do drugs! Now then, how much money do your mom and dad make? What are their social security numbers? Major Credit card numbers? Expiration dates? What's the spending limit? Remember, boys and girls, this is just for verification purposes only!
Go look it all up! Don't tell mom or dad what you're doing or you could risk a spanking! Sssh! I'll wait! Tum-te-dum dum dum tee dummm..

Thusly, this... "'"'"Cecil Adams"'"'" fiction wants our stats. I could be wrong, you know. He may not be Ed Zotti. He could really be a computer in the HUAC division of the Census bureau. Or some experiment in a near-forgotten basement in the Smithsonian.

But there is no Cecil Adams. None. Zilch. Zip. Zero. Squat. Nada. Ninguno. Nolto. Nein. Nyet. Ba. Doh.

Cut it out, Notthemama. My best pal IS Itam. And my sister didn't marry one, she married two. Both stupid. My best pal is genius-level for facts and such. Unlike Ed Zotti, he doesn't need a low-paid staff to make him look smart. And his name is so long and curlicued and Calabresiate, he had to change it before he could even find a decent job. True.

While we are at it, it is plain that Jill Gates is a Mayflower-quality white person (underscore "person"). What other breed of seething American would deny having emotions about anything? (excepting maybe heroic pc causes) I told you, Jill, nyaah-nyaah, and I meant it. You've been nyaah-nyaahed. You'll have to look up what I meant by yourself. It's there. That's how a nyaah-nyaah works.

Toenails now.

[RTFirefly]

Nope, Tom, that may be how it works if you tell the person off [i]privately[i]. But absent a link, the rest of us have every reason to believe you've got no legitimate gripe with Jill. So put up or shut up, already.

Getting back to the subject, I found out about the old SDTV show about three weeks after it died. I gather 'Cecil' never showed his face on the show. Exactly how did they handle that?

------------------
"Living in this complex world of the future is not unlike having bees live inside your head." - F. Scott Firesign

[Otto]

Getting back to the subject, I found out about the old SDTV show about three weeks after it died. I gather 'Cecil' never showed his face on the show. Exactly how did they handle that?



There was this really hot bald host whose name escapes me. I want to say "Dave," but then I always want to say "Dave." Dave. See? Am I correct in thinking that "Dave" had an Australian accent or were my ears blighted by lust? Are there any pictures online of "Dave"? Is "Dave" on these boards? Will he be my boyfriend?

[Perderabo]

I've wondered if this is the case, largely because of the abuse Cecil's columns
regularly pour on "little Ed." I've thought that either "little Ed" would have to be
the true author poking fun at himself, or he'd have to be the thickest-skinned
person on the planet. Fun is fun, but getting abused, in print, again and again for
years - that would get old.

OK, that's a valid point. But now consider the unflattering way that Slug Signorino always draws Cecil. Why would Cecil tolerate that for years unless Cecil was really Slug?

The FAQ's say that Slug's real name is nor Slug. But I'm not that easily deceived. Slug's real name is Slug and Slug is really Cecil! Ed Zotti was just invented to confuse lessor minds.

So to recap, I know this is confusing: there is no Ed, Ed is actually Cecil. But there is no Cecil, Cecil is actually Slug.

Originally posted by Tom Dark:
Now then, how much money do your mom and dad make? What are their social security numbers? Major Credit card numbers? Expiration dates? What's the spending limit?

Just for the record, in case anybody is interested, I did fill out the survey, and nobody asked me anything at all about my credit cards. All they want to know is basic stuff like age, marital status, sex (and there's a blank for "trans-gender", too), average annual income (within a range), how often you use a computer, what's your favorite part of the SDMB, how did you find the SDMB's website, stuff like that. I didn't find any of the questions offensive or invasive, and I am notoriously picky about what kinds of forms I fill out on the Internet, and what kinds of information I give out.

As an added attraction, there's a reply window at the end where you can tell them how you think they can improve the SDMB. I should think that would be incentive enough for some people.

The purpose of the survey, granted, is to give marketing information to the SDMB's advertisers, but hey, the advertisers are what makes it possible for us all to be here in the first place.

Click the ad!



------------------
"Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast!" - the White Queen

[JillGat]

Otto, the guy you're lusting after is Mike Lukas and he's straight, bud. I was going to say "sorry to say," but I'm not.

Tom Dark, your frustration about how I handled some AIDS discussion is inappropriate to this thread and this thread is inappropriate to this forum. I am moving this to the Pit and note that you are bordering on being a Jerk.

- Jill

[andros]

In the name of all that is Cecil, please, please, PLEASE

DNFTT.

Any of them.

Let it go.

-andros-
(fingers crossed)

[Otto]

PerdaraboSo to recap, I know this is confusing: there is no Ed, Ed is actually Cecil. But there is no Cecil, Cecil is actually Slug.



And there is no Slug, because someone left the lid off the salt shaker again.



And there is no spoon.



JillOtto, the guy you're lusting after is Mike Lukas and he's straight, bud.



Oh, you heterosexuals think everyone's str8. But I didn't ask whether he was str8, I asked if he has an Australian accent, if there are any pictures online of him and if he'll be my boyfriend.

[KimKatt]

Just for you, Otto, here is a pic of Mike online:
http://www.sbfunnybone.com/mikelukas.htm

As for your other questions, you may have to ask him yourself :)

------------------
Any similarities between your reality and mine are purely coincidental.

[OpalCat]

I used to have a pet rat named Cecil.

------------------
--
I have over 2000 posts, dammit! Show some respect.
O p a l C a t
www.opalcat.com (http://www.opalcat.com)

[RonaldBarnhardt]

I answered the survey. And I could give a shit what The Reader does with my vital stats. I've had many hours of fun here on this board--this is the best entertainment value anywhere. If my info helps Cecil Adams (I believe he exists) improve this board or help keep it going, I'm happy to oblige.

[Sake Samurai]

Well, I'm jumping on the IT'S NOT FAIR bandwagon.

I mean, sheesh, I haven't even told my girlfriend that much personal info yet. I refuse to fill out that damn survey until Cecil posts a bit of his private information.

Like his waist size. Or his favorite color. Or something.

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Yet to be reconciled with the reality of the dark for a moment, I go on wandering from dream to dream.

[Otto]

Just for you, Otto



Thanks doll! He's as much a hottie as I remember, but when the words "email the bone" popped up on my screen I about passed out.

[Diane]

Not to :::Tom::: mention any :::Dark::: names, but someone really needs to reach around, grasp the leg holes of his whitey-tighties, and firmly yank them from his ass crack.

I am always amazed at the stupidity that shows up every now and then. Here's a news flash:

IF YOU DON'T WANT TO TAKE THE SURVEY - - - DON'T! NO ONE IS TWISTING YOUR BLOODY ARM FORHELLSAKE!!

Triple SHEESH!



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Pardon me while I burst into flames.

[Kat]

Originally posted by OpalCat:
I used to have a pet rat named Cecil.

Opal's ex-pet-rat writes The Straight Dope?


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Your Official Cat Goddess since 10/20/99.

I just washed my cat. It'll take me hours to get the hairs off my tongue.
&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp --100% certified genuine WallyM7™ sig

[allanadale]

I'm starting to feel like I'm in a Nike commercial, to wit....

I Am Cecil Adams.

Tiger ain't got nothin on Cece....

[kanicbird]

well, just had to see it one more time, condemmed to the pit. Cecil, Ed, Slugo, and whoever is up there, you have managed to get this topic here and here it will die. I will not be revisiting this topic nor will I fill out your survey. If you make it a condition of using the SDMB, I will lie like a rug.
But you will be relieved to know that I will stop my crusade to enlist others to boycot your survey.
Lynn please put this topic out of its misery and pull the plug

[andros]

Ah, I love the sound of sniveling loser in the morning . . .

[TVeblen]

Sheesh, fat, drunk and stupid is no way to through life, son.

The survey wasn't required--the intro went to great pains specifying that it was voluntary and the information would only be used for in-house market research.

y'know...like PAYING THE BILLS for this place? Like, having some facts to present to the suits and money-guys to prove that Dopers, while weird, are canny, participating members of the economy?

How did a straight forward customer survey get warped into myth drift? Does this putz think the Budweiser frogs are real??

Ignorance is winning, I fear.

Veb

[Missy2U]

Veb - they AREN'T REAL???? No, say it isn't so....

ROFLMAO

------------------

"Lisa, if you don't like your job you don't strike. You just go in every
day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way!"

[Weirddave]

I think I speak for those with an IQ higher then the kelvin measurement of the temperature in deep space when I say:Who the fuck cares?????
Otto:, but when the words "email the bone" popped up on my screen I about passed out.
ROFLMAO!

and now:
< jumpimg up and dancing>
SingleDad used my sig!!! I feel so validated!
<dancing out of the room!>

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Cecil said it. I believe it. That settles it.

[ReservoirDog]

Originally posted by allanadale:
I Am Cecil Adams.

I am Spartacus.

[DrFidelius]

What survey?

(anyone who has a sig longer than his post will be damned to Hell)


------------------
Dr. Fidelius, Charlatan
Associate Curator Anomalous Paleontology, Miskatonic University
Projector Emeritus, Grand Academy of Lagado
"You cannot reason a man out of a position he did not reach through reason."

[Beruang]

quote:

=====

So! There we have it! Ed Zotti has confessed!

=====


My mistake. We NOW have a new record for specious reasoning.

What did Gloucester say? "This is not the worst, so long as we can say 'this is the worst'"?


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"The dawn of a new era is felt and not measured." Walter Lord

[Iolanthe]

Originally posted by Beruang:
quote:

=====

So! There we have it! Ed Zotti has confessed!

=====


"My mistake. We NOW have a new record for specious reasoning.

What did Gloucester say? "This is not the worst, so long as we can say 'this is the worst'"?"





Actually, Edgar said that (just before dad stumbled onstage.) Gloucester said, among other things, "A man may rot, even here," which Tom Dark seems to be taking to heart.

[Esprix]

Who is John Galt?

Esprix, ever curious

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Ask the Gay Guy! (http://boards.straightdope.com/ubb/Forum7/HTML/001376.html) (or, if you prefer the Jesusfied version, Asketh the damn Priest Guy! (http://www.askjesus.org/ask.cgi?http://boards.straightdope.com/ubb/Forum7/HTML/001376.html))

[RM Mentock]

Originally posted by k2dave:
well, just had to see it one more time, condemmed to the pit. Cecil, Ed, Slugo, and whoever is up there, you have managed to get this topic here and here it will die.

Condemned? Do you have a better place for it? Perhaps About This Message Board would have been appropriate--had not a couple drops of vitriol been injected.

------------------
rocks

[Otto]

Who is John Galt?



John Galt is a Scottish novelist of the early 19th Century.

John Galt is a character in Ayn Rand's Atlas Shrugged.

John Galt is a comic book character also known as Grimjack.

[coosa]

Actually, this started out over in Comments on Cecil's Columns, and was doing fine (although maybe it should have been in MPSIMS), until Tom Dark started attacking Jill, for what appears to be no reason. I guess he's too stupid to understand the difference between closing a thread and moving it to another forum.

I vote that he be consigned to Jerkdom.

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You've got a point there, brother - and one of these days I'm going to figure out what it is. - Cecil Adams

[G.B.H. Hornswoggler]

Originally posted by Otto
Who is John Galt?
John Galt is a Scottish novelist of the early 19th Century.

John Galt is a character in Ayn Rand's Atlas Shrugged.

John Galt is a comic book character also known as Grimjack.

Sorry, Grimjack is actually John Gaunt. (Before he was James something-or-other, that is.)

And if that isn't the most useless bump in the world, I don't know what is.

[Enderw24]

And if that isn't the most useless bump in the world, I don't know what is.

Considering Otto hasn't posted since May, I think I'll second that.

[Fenris]

Originally posted by G.B.H. Hornswoggler
Sorry, Grimjack is actually John Gaunt. (Before he was James something-or-other, that is.)


James Twilley.

I just finished rereading the entire run of Grimjack (except for those last four elusive issues that I can't find anywhere, dammit)

Fenris

[Geobabe]

Oh, and in case anyone is feeling worried about this "survey," this thread was started LAST APRIL. The survey is no longer active, and why someone felt the need to revive this thread after almost a year is beyond me.

[Alphagene]

Yeah, I agree. If I wanted to watch people reanimate dead things, I'd play Diablo II. Hmm. Maybe I will.

Anyway, since the OP refers to something that has passed on a loooong time ago, I'm closing this thread.

May John Galt forgive me.