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View Full Version : NASCAR is fake! I have proof...


Doctor Jackson
11-16-2001, 10:37 AM
Please hold all questions and applause until the end of this post.

Everyone knows that the moon landings were all faked, each and every one staged at a super secret movie set in downtown Los Angeles. Who faked these "historic" events? NASA, that's who. They generated so much money and publicity off these hoaxes that the high muckity-mucks decided to diversify. But expand where?

Think about it - NASA, NASCAR. NASA, NASCAR. NASA stands for "National Aeronautics and Space Administration". NASCAR ostensibly stands for "National Association of Stock CAr Racing". Wait a minute, shouldn't that be NASCR? Why use the extra 'A' from 'Car'? The only organization to make acronyms like that is - the government! NASA is a quasi-government agency and as such they would have no qualms about adding the extra 'A' to NASCR to get NASCAR in order to bury their entire acronym in the subsidiary. It's so simple, once you know the facts.

During the next televised race, notice the lighting. The shadows just don't look right, do they? Of course they don't. You're just seeing pictures of technically advanced slot cars racing around a fabricated racetrack IN THE SAME STUDIO WHERE THE MOON WALK WAS FAKED! And how about the rocks? You think every track around the country would have the same rocks around the track apron and infield? Watch carefully and you will see THE SAME ROCK is in THE SAME POSITION ON THE TRACK no matter what track they are SUPPOSEDLY RACING! The idiots thought we wouldn't notice, but I did. Yes, sir, I noticed.

Oh? You say you've been to a NASCAR race live and in person and saw it with your own eyes? It couldn't be faked? One word, my friend - holograms. That's right, NASA projects a life sized hologram of the faked race to a different location each week. You heard the roar of the engines? Giant loudspeakers synced to the holographic display. Smelled the gas, oil, and burning rubber? Olifactory illusions created by the masterful holograms and digitally reproduced sounds along with a measured dose of mass hallucination. There are answers to all your concerns, children. You may not like the answers, but the are the cold, hard truth.

Why do you think NASCAR has an off season? It's too cold to race cars? Unlikely, compadre. I drive my car in the winter, how about you? No, our friends at NASA need this time to write story lines and scripts for the upcoming season. They are by trade technical writers. It takes time (and considerable consultation from the WWF)to translate that into a realistic TV story.

I expect, dear friends, now that I have exposed this dirty little secret, that my life is quite worthless. I am expecting at any time to be whisked away on a government spaceship to live forever with Elvis, Hoffa, Ernhart, and the Lindberg baby. Wish for me that I'll be happy there. My service here is done.

ultress
11-16-2001, 10:43 AM
Your next assignment, should you decide to accept it, is to oust WWF.

racinchikki
11-16-2001, 11:42 AM
http://rsd.gsfc.nasa.gov/goes/text/nascar.html

thinksnow
11-16-2001, 11:47 AM
Damn, racin, that's funny! Thanks.

ultrafilter
11-16-2001, 12:07 PM
Originally posted by racinchikki
http://rsd.gsfc.nasa.gov/goes/text/nascar.html

Say, wasn't that originally an Onion article?

Mr. Cynical
11-16-2001, 12:30 PM
And those cars? Cardboard. Lawnmower engines. Trust me.

Cerowyn
11-16-2001, 03:24 PM
Originally posted by Doctor Jackson
IN THE SAME STUDIO WHERE THE MOON WALK WAS FAKED!Damn! I knew Michael couldn't really be doing that. I guess it takes family to let the cat out of the bag, huh?

Kilt-wearin' man
11-16-2001, 03:26 PM
And if you don't believe it, just run a Google search for "NASACAR"! Spooky!

Airman Doors, USAF
11-16-2001, 03:32 PM
So you're telling me that Dale Earnhardt, Adam Petty, Kenny Irwin, Neil Bonnett, et al. are all still alive, but hiding from us? I mean, it must be true, since it's all a hologram, right? :rolleyes:

Sorry, buddy, no applause from me. Nothing personal, I just can't find it in my heart to laugh at this.

bdgr
11-16-2001, 04:03 PM
Originally posted by ultrafilter
Originally posted by racinchikki
http://rsd.gsfc.nasa.gov/goes/text/nascar.html

Say, wasn't that originally an Onion article?

Yep. The original had pictures and everything.

Doctor Jackson
11-16-2001, 04:18 PM
From Airman Doors, USAF:
So you're telling me that Dale Earnhardt, Adam Petty, Kenny Irwin, Neil Bonnett, et al. are all still alive, but hiding from us? I mean, it must be true, since it's all a hologram, right?
Sorry, buddy, no applause from me. Nothing personal, I just can't find it in my heart to laugh at this.

No offense taken, not to laugh is your prerogative. Yes, I insinuated that Dale Ernhardt (who's name I mispelled) was still alive, along with Elvis, Jimmy Hoffa and the Lindberg baby. By extension that would include the others you mentioned. All humor has the potential to offend. Kinda like saying "10 eyes and 20 teeth" when referring to a group of country dwelling people in Louisiana. Shrug. We all have our sore spots, sorry if I hit one of yours.

Shagnasty
11-16-2001, 04:24 PM
[i]All humor has the potential to offend. Kinda like saying "10 eyes and 20 teeth" when referring to a group of country dwelling people in Louisiana. Shrug. We all have our sore spots, sorry if I hit one of yours. [/B]

Hey you Bastard. I am from the Louisiana countryside. Watch it!

racinchikki
11-16-2001, 04:42 PM
Originally posted by Doctor Jackson
Dale Ernhardt (who's name I mispelled[/B]
TWICE!

Doctor Jackson
11-16-2001, 04:55 PM
GAAAHHHH! I'm going home.

daveknave
11-16-2001, 04:57 PM
I mean, come on, we all know that NASCAR really stands for Non Athletic Sport centered areoud rednecks (notice just built on them, not implying that everyone who watches is one), so does it really matter if its fake? I would personally like to see it go off the air, but if its gonna take a load of effort to expose this hoax, y not just ignore it?

Manduck
11-16-2001, 05:20 PM
Originally posted by racinchikki
Originally posted by Doctor Jackson
Dale Ernhardt (who's name I mispelled
TWICE! [/B]

He also misspelled "whose" and "misspelled" :D

Airman Doors, USAF
11-16-2001, 08:18 PM
Originally posted by Doctor Jackson
From Airman Doors, USAF:
So you're telling me that Dale Earnhardt, Adam Petty, Kenny Irwin, Neil Bonnett, et al. are all still alive, but hiding from us? I mean, it must be true, since it's all a hologram, right?
Sorry, buddy, no applause from me. Nothing personal, I just can't find it in my heart to laugh at this.

No offense taken, not to laugh is your prerogative. Yes, I insinuated that Dale Ernhardt (who's name I mispelled) was still alive, along with Elvis, Jimmy Hoffa and the Lindberg baby. By extension that would include the others you mentioned. All humor has the potential to offend. Kinda like saying "10 eyes and 20 teeth" when referring to a group of country dwelling people in Louisiana. Shrug. We all have our sore spots, sorry if I hit one of yours.

Touche.

NothingMan
11-16-2001, 08:39 PM
Originally posted by daveknave
I mean, come on, we all know that NASCAR really stands for Non Athletic Sport centered areoud rednecks (notice just built on them, not implying that everyone who watches is one), so does it really matter if its fake? I would personally like to see it go off the air, but if its gonna take a load of effort to expose this hoax, y not just ignore it?


Whoosh.

racinchikki
11-16-2001, 08:53 PM
Originally posted by daveknave
I mean, come on, we all know that NASCAR really stands for Non Athletic Sport centered areoud rednecks (notice just built on them, not implying that everyone who watches is one), so does it really matter if its fake? I would personally like to see it go off the air, but if its gonna take a load of effort to expose this hoax, y not just ignore it? [/B]
Yup. Whooosh.

And while we're spell-checking:

Non-Athletic
around
it's
it's
why

Also, your grammar is atrocious.

Also, I highly disagree with your point of view, but choose not to argue with you at the moment.

Tuckerfan
11-16-2001, 08:54 PM
Originally posted by racinchikki
http://rsd.gsfc.nasa.gov/goes/text/nascar.html

And apparently, someone at NASA's got a pretty good sense of humor, since that is NASA's server that puppy's on! Maybe some hope for those guys yet.