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-   -   Boy, do I feel like an idiot (https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=844867)

Johnny L.A. 12-15-2017 07:11 PM

Boy, do I feel like an idiot
 
As a companion thread to Tales of clumsiness, here's a thread where you admit to being a complete idiot. A boob. A dimwit. A knucklehead. A nincompoop. You get the idea.

I've been eating Trader Joe's French Onion Soup for at least 20 years. Probably longer. It comes frozen into little cylindrical pucks. Just pop the cylinder into an oven-safe bowl and heat in a 400ļF oven for 40 minutes. Yum. But I've always hated the packaging. I have to dirty a sharp knife to cut the cylinders out of their plastic pouches. Grrr! :mad:

So a few weeks ago I bought some spinach and artichoke dip from Trader Joe's. It's packaged in the same manner as the soup. Mrs. L.A. decided to heat it up. She removed the plastic pouch with the cylinder in it from the box. And then... She peeled the flat part of the plastic off!

:eek:

I'm making the French Onion Soup for dinner tonight. Sure enough, the flat part of the plastic pouch peels right off.

:smack:

Two decades or more, and I've been opening the soup wrong all these years! :smack: :smack: :smack:

I never bothered to read the box, which has the 'how to open' instructions on it. :rolleyes:

OK, your turn.

RivkahChaya 12-15-2017 07:18 PM

My husband and I owned a car for two years before we learned how to turn the radio on and off. You had to hold down the power button for a couple of seconds. If you just briefly pressed the power button, all that happened was that the power antenna went on or off, but the radio itself remained on. If we wanted no sound, we just turned the volume down.

In fairness to us, it was a used car with a post-market radio, so the user's manual was of no help (and there was no user's manual for the radio). Still, we could have looked it up online or something. It just never seemed that important. Then once, the dog's butt hit the button for a prolonged period, and we were sort of "Oh." Why didn't we think of that?

kayT 12-15-2017 07:23 PM

I used scissors to cut the end off a package of tissue paper just this afternoon (managing to nick my finger in the attempt) and then discovered that the OTHER end of the package was folded over and sealed with sticky tape which could be peeled open easily. Without cutting yourself.

When first resetting the clock in my car, I tried a lot of things: push the "clock" button, set the time, push "clock" again. No luck; returns to the prior time. Push something else. Hold something down while setting time. Many things. Finally looked it up. You set the time by pressing "clock" and typing in the time. That is all. Push nothing else. Just wait. Done! Wow, that is way too easy.

Beckdawrek 12-15-2017 07:27 PM

Men and instructions, what can I say?
Mr.Wrekker has never read the first line of any instruction book. I have, but I am not allowed to correct him during said diy project. I have been married long enough to know to just leave when these things happen. I have no idea how he proceeds or gets by. Sometimes things just go away, never to be seen again.
And, as far as cooking, well let's say he would get lost trying to get to the kitchen.

SeniorCitizen007 12-15-2017 08:02 PM

A rather dotty woman I know moved house. Her son dismantled many items of furniture, cupboards, etc ... carefully labelling the bolts and screws and so on. Everything was easily transported to the new address in an afternoon. However ... she'd thrown away the box the fittings were in ... to her it was just a box of junk.

Chefguy 12-15-2017 08:38 PM

I switched to decaf some time ago, but the Ms drinks regular. I make her coffee in a drip maker and I make mine in the espresso machine. But it means grinding beans separately. So for several weeks, I would dump out the caf beans from the burr grinder, then dump in some of my beans, and grind away. Problem was that the burr grinder's strength is not in espresso grind, so I kept ending up with coffee grounds that were too coarse. Then dump out any leftover beans, pour hers back in, then repeat all of this a few days later when I ran low again.

Then I opened a cupboard to get out the vacuum sealer, glanced to the left and there sat my coffee/spice grinder looking at me like "Really, dumbass?"

elbows 12-15-2017 08:45 PM

When we arrived in Vietnam hubby got a SIM card for his phone, because that’s what you do apparently. I don’t really understand, but whatever. Three weeks later we discover it can be used as a personal hotspot to give my iPad access wherever we are. Doh! That 24hr train ride out of Saigon could have been so, so much more pleasant. Ditto all the times I couldn’t use my translator because I lacked wifi! At the beach, every hotel with lousy wifi, etc, etc.

Apparently we are both knuckleheads when it comes to this internet stuff!

Mijin 12-15-2017 09:11 PM

1. I go to buy a V-neck sweater (that's not the silly part :D). In the store they had many colors, and I thought I'd better buy a color I don't already own, to get maximum utility from it. Light gray really seemed to suit me, so I bought it.
Well, you know where this story is going...I hang it in my wardrobe, and then notice the item right behind it is an identical light gray V-neck sweater.

2. Borrowed a friend's car. I couldn't get the electric windows to wind down, and being as it was an old car, I figured the mechanism was just broken.
I actually almost got into an accident, because the inside of the car started to fog up (titanic style) and I couldn't get the air to circulate either.
Later I realized (thank god I realized on my own and didn't complain to my friend), that I had been pressing the close window button.

Beckdawrek 12-15-2017 11:19 PM

Everytime (nearly) I go to the gas station, instead of pushing the gas cap lock opener, I unlock the back glass, I get out of the car can't get the little door open to pump gas in, doh!! Get back in the car start it up and press the right button. And...half the time I forget to reclose the back glass. I notice it when I hear air whooshing behind me. So stop the car get out and reclose the glass.
Don't get me started on how many things I have been locked out of or into (really, it happens)! I am just a mess.

FoieGrasIsEvil 12-15-2017 11:35 PM

I cut off my finger slicing Jarlsberg cheese just the other night. I normally only slice Gruyere. Boy was I surprised! Fucking Jarlsberg....

Beckdawrek 12-15-2017 11:40 PM

Is that true? You're joking right?

rowrrbazzle 12-15-2017 11:47 PM

I have Windows 10, and I use iTunes. Sometimes when I want to see what's going on sonically in a track, I access the MP3 within the iTunes directory and open it with Audacity. I bring up the track's info window with ctl-i and click on the "file" tab. Using a trick I discovered earlier on my own, I highlight the file location, including the directory (this works in numerous places, not just iTunes). I then right-click and select "copy". In a Windows Explorer window, I then paste the location into the address bar, and voila! I'm now in the track's directory and can do whatever I want.

Today I went into iTunes help to look up a keyboard shortcut for something. As I was scrolling, I saw that "ctl-R" did something I didn't understand. So I tried it and voila! A Windows Explorer window pops up, showing the track's directory! :smack::smack::smack:

(Well, actually, first I tried "ctl-r" (lowercase "r") and that didn't do anything. Then I tried "ctl-shift-r" to get the uppercase "R", and that worked.)

I had been pretty proud of myself for discovering the highlighting trick, and it has come in handy. But in this case it kept me from discovering something even easier.

Little Nemo 12-16-2017 12:01 AM

I didn't do this but I saw it happen.

My brother was having trouble with his computer. For some reason the background color for his IM's had gone from white to gray. He was trying to switch it back. We found the window that was supposed to set the colors and he reset what he thought was the right selection back to white. But it had no effect; the color was still gray. So he tried a different selection and switched that to white. But still no change. So he tried another selection and the gray was still there. Finally, in frustration he just began hitting everything and turning it white to see what was wrong. But no effect; everything stayed the same color. Then he noticed there was a small button on the bottom of the screen that said "Apply" and he clicked that...

Velocity 12-16-2017 12:05 AM

Last week, I nearly got smashed by one or more cars in traffic. Why? Because not only did I run a red light - I stopped my car in the middle of the intersection. I was wearing sunglasses which somewhat obscured my vision, but more importantly, I had misjudged the distance and thought I was stopped at the pedestrian walkway. No, I was in the middle of the intersection and had only mere seconds to continue driving on before incoming cars smacked me. My car and I escaped intact, barely.

Bullitt 12-16-2017 12:16 AM

Great thread. I’m sure I have plenty, but it’s probably pride that’s blocking my memory.

I am a legend in my own mind, you see. :D

I’ll check back in. I know I have plenty!

Velocity 12-16-2017 12:21 AM

Oh, and around a month ago, I once walked around in public one day with a pair of underpants stuffed into the back of the neck of my polo shirt. I was fortunate that for the most time it was partially hidden by my jacket.

Projammer 12-16-2017 12:35 AM

One bright summer day I stopped to get gas and discovered the LCD display on the pump to be completely blank. I reported the problem to the person on duty and he came out to check the pump with me and said it looked fine to him. It still looked blank to me so I pushed up my sun glasses for a closer look. Then it looked fine to me too.

Apparently the polarization on my new sunglasses was 90į different to the mask on the pump.

Bullitt 12-16-2017 01:28 AM

Okay, here goes. One of my most embarrassing moments. True story.

Marine Corps Boot Camp, MCRD San Diego, early in 1980. Iím a young stud of 19 back then. Lean and mean. Yes, truly a legend in my own mind. Weíre in a classroom, all four platoons in the series, so thatís about 240 recruits. Plus our drill instructors.

The class instructors like to begin with a joke or a story, so the instructor asks us, ďGood morning, privates. Iím curious, who here is a virgin?Ē

Suddenly my right arm, disconnected from my brain and all on its own, thinking it knows what itís doing, starts rising into the air. I look up and sure enough, that fucking right arm of mine is up in the air. Why the hell did it do that?!?!

I look around the entire room, and thereís only one arm up in the air. Mine.

Shit.

Oh well, too late, itís up there. I hold it up, high and proud. The instructor, fully expecting nobody to raise his arm, couldnít believe it and he lost his momentum ó he couldnít deliver his next line.

Pretty embarrassing. Oh well!

kaylasdad99 12-16-2017 07:00 AM

Back in 2002 I sent Kayla to school on picture day with her dress on backwards.

Mean Mr. Mustard 12-16-2017 08:10 AM

I once had a loaner car for a few days while mine was in the shop. That first day, I had a few packages I had to retrieve from the back seat. I got out, leaned the driver's seat forward as much as possible, and cursed the automaker because there was so little room to access the rear.

I then moved the seat forward as much as possible and was still amazed how tight it was. What a shitty design, I thought as I squoze myself in to reach my stuff; I'll never buy a Chrysler.

It wasn't until later that day that I realized the car was a four-door.


mmm

Morgenstern 12-16-2017 08:19 AM

Don't use a power drill to drill a board on your lap. That's all I'm saying about that.

TokyoBayer 12-16-2017 08:48 AM

When you’re installing a ceiling fan, who needs to be careful and go all the way over to the breaker box to turn off the circuit?

Johnny L.A. 12-16-2017 09:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TokyoBayer (Post 20669367)
When youíre installing a ceiling fan, who needs to be careful and go all the way over to the breaker box to turn off the circuit?

This reminds me of a story I've probably told before.

When I was a small child we lived in Japan. At the time, dad wore a Vulcain 'Cricket' watch, a model that was known for its alarm. This is before watches had batteries, so the alarm was not a 'beep-beep, beep-beep'. No, it was a clattering buzz. It sounded exactly like this in fact.

So dad's up on a stool, fixing some wiring in the ceiling light fixture. Just as he finished the job, his alarm went off. He thought he was being electrocuted and fell off of the stool. :p

Filbert 12-16-2017 09:07 AM

A couple of years ago, I'm only working part time, so I've not got much money, and my laptop's broken. My work has a 'rewards' scheme, which has the option of getting gift cards with the rewards point, and I've been saving up the points all year, so I have about £150 worth to spend. The way the system is set up is that you have to order the gift cards and get them posted to you, then once you have the physical card, you can top it up via their system. No charge for the cards, but there is a posting charge per order, and there are card options for two different companies that sell laptops, so I order cards for both.

I spend the next few weeks trying to research what's the best option in my price range, settle on one from company A, and top up the appropriate card online. It's not enough to pay for the whole thing, but I can just afford the extra. I chuck out the unused empty card for company B, and wait for my next day off so I can finally go get my new laptop.

Day off comes, I go to get the card out, and find the card for company B. 'That's funny' I think, 'I was sure I threw this out.'
...
:eek:


Luckily the rubbish collection hadn't been yet.

WildBlueYonder 12-16-2017 09:16 AM

If you're going to use a hammer to smash a staple down from sticking out and pricking you, dont do it on a glass top desk. I really have lost my mind!

Oh and dont put the sherbet in the refrigerator when you are done with it, dont do it a second time either!:smack::smack:

Bullitt 12-16-2017 09:17 AM

When you’re replacing a glass shower door, when they break, it really is a spectacular CRASH!

kayT 12-16-2017 12:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Velocity (Post 20669049)
Oh, and around a month ago, I once walked around in public one day with a pair of underpants stuffed into the back of the neck of my polo shirt. I was fortunate that for the most time it was partially hidden by my jacket.

Will everyone who has not found, halfway through the day, a dryer sheet poking out of a sleeve or a pants-leg, please raise his/her hand?

burpo the wonder mutt 12-16-2017 12:57 PM

^ I hear where you're coming from, but I don't use dryer sheets. How about a mess of shredded Kleenex all over your clothes?

Darren Garrison 12-16-2017 01:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bullitt (Post 20669418)
When youíre replacing a glass shower door, when they break, it really is a spectacular CRASH!

That reminds me of something. One time I bought an entertainment center kit but never got around to assembling it, leaving it in a storage building. Years later I decide to use a large pane of glass from it for something (I don't remember what) and go dig it out of storage and carry it back to my house. Not paying close attention, a corner of the glass taps against a granite step going up to my porch, and a fraction of a second later I'm surrounded by thousands of fragments of safety glass. From the whole pane of glass, I don't think there was anything left bigger than a quarter (and most of it smaller.)

Patx2 12-16-2017 01:28 PM

Many moons ago, when I was a freshman in college, I had to do a paper for a macroeconomics class based on the book The WORLDLY Philosophers. This was back in the days before computers and spell check. My sister offered to type it for me. I handed it in and the professor, usually a down to earth guy was pissed, mostly because half the class missed the deadline or just didnít bother. Anyway, heís skimming through the papers handed in and says something like well, this should be interesting, I have a paper here about The WORDY Philosophers. The class had a small amused reaction, but for some reason, I thought it was an absolute riot. I had tears I laughed so hard and Iím saying to the professor youíve gotta tell us who handed in that gem. He told me I didnít want to know but my persistence paid off. Of course, it was mine. I ended up doing well on the paper btw, but typos back then and spellcheck these days can really bite you in the ass.

Mean Mr. Mustard 12-16-2017 02:20 PM

I remodeled my kitchen years ago over a two-week period. Did it all myself. Everything was going smoothly. my very last task was cutting, gluing, and applying the toe-kick veneer.

I measured, I cut, and I glued. Of course, me being me, I applied the glue on the finished side of the veneer, all up and down it. Had to re-order the piece from the manufacturer. My kitchen remained 'unfinished' for another four weeks.


mmm

teela brown 12-16-2017 03:16 PM

I've posted this one before.

I once craved some homemade pasta, and spent a long time making the dough, kneading it, rolling it out, and cutting it into narrow tagliatelle. It cooked up beautifully, and I poured it out carefully into a colander in the sink. When I lifted up the colander to give it a toss or two to help drain it, I lost my grip and the colander flipped neatly over and the whole mass of hot pasta slithered down into the dirty garbage disposal.

Since I had some good sauce ready, I had to cook up some dry pasta out of the cupboard for dinner that night. It just wasn't the same.

Napier 12-16-2017 03:22 PM

My tractor broke down. The engine ran but no power was going to the wheels. I had had a clutch spline strip once before and was afraid it was that again. I had a local tractor repair shop trailer it to their facility, where they diagnosed that the high/low range lever was in the middle position, Neutral. They said they'd only charge me $100 for moving it twice and looking it over, and I asked how much extra to not tell any of my neighbors.


I think, though, that I probably deserved this. Some years earlier I had to replace the hydraulic fluid dipstick because it was bent, so I went to the parts department at the same shop and asked for one. The clerk brought it out, and I asked how much more it would be to have it installed. She spent several minutes on the computer and thumbing through manuals, trying to find the price and unsure why she couldn't find it, until I broke down and told her she could stop.

melondeca 12-16-2017 03:52 PM

A couple years ago it occurred to me that I did not have to use my teeth to remove the little plastic safety cap on my deodorant. I never realized you could twist up the deodorant. I’m 39 years old.

Velocity 12-16-2017 03:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by teela brown (Post 20670126)
I've posted this one before.

I once craved some homemade pasta, and spent a long time making the dough, kneading it, rolling it out, and cutting it into narrow tagliatelle. It cooked up beautifully, and I poured it out carefully into a colander in the sink. When I lifted up the colander to give it a toss or two to help drain it, I lost my grip and the colander flipped neatly over and the whole mass of hot pasta slithered down into the dirty garbage disposal.

Since I had some good sauce ready, I had to cook up some dry pasta out of the cupboard for dinner that night. It just wasn't the same.

Tragic!!!!! :(

kayT 12-16-2017 04:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kayT (Post 20669896)
Will everyone who has not found, halfway through the day, a dryer sheet poking out of a sleeve or a pants-leg, please raise his/her hand?

Quote:

Originally Posted by burpo the wonder mutt (Post 20669903)
^ I hear where you're coming from, but I don't use dryer sheets. How about a mess of shredded Kleenex all over your clothes?

Yes. I think I have done both in one load, actually.

wolfman 12-16-2017 04:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by teela brown (Post 20670126)
I've posted this one before.

I once craved some homemade pasta, and spent a long time making the dough, kneading it, rolling it out, and cutting it into narrow tagliatelle. It cooked up beautifully, and I poured it out carefully into a colander in the sink. When I lifted up the colander to give it a toss or two to help drain it, I lost my grip and the colander flipped neatly over and the whole mass of hot pasta slithered down into the dirty garbage disposal.

Since I had some good sauce ready, I had to cook up some dry pasta out of the cupboard for dinner that night. It just wasn't the same.

That reminds me just a couple weeks ago I made some braised chicken thighs. Being healthy I was willing to forgo the Chicken fat, but not being an idiot I wasn't going to waste the rest of the drippings. So I my colander out to be ready to strain and separate. 20 minutes or so later I was ready to strain the liquid but I couldn't find my colander anymore. I finally gave up and grabbed a hand help wire strainer and strained the liquid into a bowl in the sink. Just as the last of the liquid drained through the strainer I found my colander again. It was the "bowl" in the sink.:smack:
Yum Yum, two dirty strainers, and a spent bay leaf and some ribbons of lemon zest are all to show for it.

wolfpup 12-16-2017 04:54 PM

I have one of those waiter-style corkscrews with the little knife that flips out so you can cut the foil seal over the bottle, then flip out the actual corkscrew and pop out the cork. After years of practice, I've gotten pretty good at expertly removing the foil and doing the uncorking.

So one day I had a hell of a time. It was a new wine I'd never had before, and it had the thickest, stiffest foil I'd ever encountered. After hacking away for a while I finally got it gouged and cut enough to be able to painfully rip it off, at which point the screw top on the bottle fell off by itself with a pathetic little plink. :smack:

It's not like I'd never seen a screw top before. But this one was cleverly disguised. Yeah, that's it, it was disguised! :D

Spice Weasel 12-16-2017 05:09 PM

My life consists of perpetually feeling like an idiot despite the fact I'm (allegedly) pretty smart.

I think my favorite one was when a friend who was living in Japan mentioned he took a trip to Cambodia and I asked, "Oh. Did you drive?"

SPOILER:
He did not.


People have been lecturing me about ''Common Sense'' for a long time. I'm not sure what that is, but I'm assuming since I'm not common, I don't have any.

Sr. Weasel also has his share of the dumb. He recently came to the profound realization that if you put a lid on a pot of water, it boils faster. Then there was the time he tried to make mashed potatoes and didn't know you were supposed to cook the potatoes first. I just walked into the kitchen and saw him futilely trying to mash raw potatoes.

RTFirefly 12-16-2017 05:12 PM

There was the time I put a container of ice cream in the microwave for a few seconds to soften it up enough to scoop more easily. When it beeped that it was done, I was already doing something else, and thought, I'll get the ice cream out of the nuker as soon as I'm finished with this, it'll only take half a minute.

The next evening, my wife noticed that we had a microwave full of melted ice cream.

ETA: Microwaves nowadays beep at you every so often if you don't take your food out (or at least open the nuker's door). I'm really glad they do that, otherwise I'm sure I'd have done similar stuff more recently. But this was >25 years ago, before the 'nagging' beep was a standard feature on cheapo microwaves.

John DiFool 12-16-2017 05:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bullitt (Post 20669096)
Okay, here goes. One of my most embarrassing moments. True story.

Marine Corps Boot Camp, MCRD San Diego, early in 1980. I’m a young stud of 19 back then. Lean and mean. Yes, truly a legend in my own mind. We’re in a classroom, all four platoons in the series, so that’s about 240 recruits. Plus our drill instructors.

The class instructors like to begin with a joke or a story, so the instructor asks us, “Good morning, privates. I’m curious, who here is a virgin?”

Suddenly my right arm, disconnected from my brain and all on its own, thinking it knows what it’s doing, starts rising into the air. I look up and sure enough, that fucking right arm of mine is up in the air. Why the hell did it do that?!?!

I look around the entire room, and there’s only one arm up in the air. Mine.

Shit.

Oh well, too late, it’s up there. I hold it up, high and proud. The instructor, fully expecting nobody to raise his arm, couldn’t believe it and he lost his momentum — he couldn’t deliver his next line.

Pretty embarrassing. Oh well!

Is that where you got your nickname from? "Private Bullitt, have yet another date with Rosie Palms last night?"

dwyr 12-16-2017 05:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kaylasdad99 (Post 20669246)
Back in 2002 I sent Kayla to school on picture day with her dress on backwards.



My brother-in-law sent his son to preschool in a skort one day.

Ukulele Ike 12-16-2017 06:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Spice Weasel (Post 20670331)
My life consists of perpetually feeling like an idiot despite the fact I'm (allegedly) pretty smart.

You accepted a job moderating the SDMB. You are an idiot. I have personal experience with this.

Enjoying the mug, I hope?

Johnny L.A. 12-16-2017 06:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Spice Weasel (Post 20670331)
I think my favorite one was when a friend who was living in Japan mentioned he took a trip to Cambodia and I asked, "Oh. Did you drive?"

Ah wow, how'd ya get a car?
Oh, my folks drove it up here from the Bahamas.
You're kidding.
I must be, the Bahamas are islands.


:D

Johnny L.A. 12-16-2017 06:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RTFirefly (Post 20670339)
ETA: Microwaves nowadays beep at you every so often if you don't take your food out (or at least open the nuker's door). I'm really glad they do that, otherwise I'm sure I'd have done similar stuff more recently.

I turned the beeper on our microwave oven off.

Spice Weasel 12-16-2017 06:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ukulele Ike (Post 20670448)
You accepted a job moderating the SDMB. You are an idiot. I have personal experience with this.

Accepted? In the spirit of this thread, I ought to admit I asked.

RTFirefly 12-16-2017 07:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Spice Weasel (Post 20670469)
Accepted? In the spirit of this thread, I ought to admit I asked.

:quietly edges away from Spice Weasel: :p

Beckdawrek 12-16-2017 07:13 PM

I left the lil'wrekker at kindergarten one day. I have a good excuse. Her teacher was also the Mother of her little girlfriend. We had a play date scheduled, I mixed the days up. They had 2 play dates that week.

Balthisar 12-16-2017 07:21 PM

I've only had cars with automatic climate control since about 2002, other than my Expedition, which I seldom drive, and didn't drive for five years when on an overseas assignment. I only use it for camping, or going to the state parks or one of the Metro Parks (so I only have to buy one sticker for each, rather than one for each car).

Once the weather started getting warm this year, I was taking my mountain bike to the nearby state park, and couldn't get the interior to cool down. I ended up turning on the rear air conditioner just to try to get some relief. I told myself that's the consequence for five years of storage and grumbled that I'd have to pay for a repair.

It wasn't until a trip a few weeks later that, yeah, I remembered that I had to adjust the mixer valve and not just hit the A/C button.

purplehearingaid 12-16-2017 08:08 PM

when I got my new cell phone I tried to take some photos of some wild turkeys in the yard and I ended up with 50 photos or more ! I kept my finger on the button not realizing I was taking so many photos . I took a photo
of my daughter and got 3 photos ! I told her I can tell people I had triplet :) .

kayT 12-16-2017 08:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by purplehearingaid (Post 20670558)
when I got my new cell phone I tried to take some photos of some wild turkeys in the yard and I ended up with 50 photos or more ! I kept my finger on the button not realizing I was taking so many photos . I took a photo
of my daughter and got 3 photos ! I told her I can tell people I had triplet :) .

I have a better version of this. DH and I driving along and there's a clicking sound. What is it? Something inside the car. I'm touching things: sun visor, keyring, seat belt; nothing. Suddenly I realize it's coming from his seat. Turns out he had just got a new cell phone case that fastens on his belt, and when he fastened his seat belt, the phone started taking pictures. Of his butt. Over 60 pictures of his butt before we figured out what the noise was.

Mean Mr. Mustard 12-16-2017 08:31 PM

I heard folks calling in to a radio show on this same topic. One woman needed someone to pick up her toddler from preschool one day and enlisted her dad to pick up junior and bring him home. Grandpa did fine, except that he brought the wrong kid home.

(this was several years ago, presumably when day cares were not as careful as they are now with regard to non-parents fetching the tots)


mmm

Beckdawrek 12-16-2017 08:50 PM

I was in Walmart a few years ago. Lil'wrekker had some birthday money she wanted spend. We had been standing by the video games while she pondered and decided, all of a sudden some strange little boy grabbed my hand. He stood there a few minutes holding my hand watching a bigger boy play a video game. I just stood still & in a minute he looked up, I tell you the shock on that boys face was priceless. He took off running.

Muffin 12-16-2017 09:32 PM

Last night I failed to take my foot off the sewing machine pedal when adjusting the machine's foot. Owie!

Gatopescado 12-16-2017 10:54 PM

I'm married.

Beckdawrek 12-16-2017 11:01 PM

I actually paid money for 2 Siamese kittens, 5 years ago. My life has never been the same.

Johnny L.A. 12-17-2017 12:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Beckdawrek (Post 20670626)
I was in Walmart a few years ago. Lil'wrekker had some birthday money she wanted spend. We had been standing by the video games while she pondered and decided, all of a sudden some strange little boy grabbed my hand. He stood there a few minutes holding my hand watching a bigger boy play a video game. I just stood still & in a minute he looked up, I tell you the shock on that boys face was priceless. He took off running.

Heh. When I was five we went to the San Diego County Fair. It was night, and I was excited by all of the lights. I grabbed my dad's hand so I could point something out, but when I looked up to tell him to look, it wasn't my dad! My parents weren't that far behind me. They thought it was funny. But I was embarrassed.

Bullitt 12-17-2017 12:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by John DiFool (Post 20670385)
Is that where you got your nickname from? "Private Bullitt, have yet another date with Rosie Palms last night?"

Yeah, really. It should, right? :)

bobkitty 12-17-2017 11:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by melondeca (Post 20670203)
A couple years ago it occurred to me that I did not have to use my teeth to remove the little plastic safety cap on my deodorant. I never realized you could twist up the deodorant. Iím 39 years old.

:eek:

I'm 44 and didn't realize this until I read your post. :smack:

Dr. Girlfriend 12-17-2017 12:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Projammer (Post 20669062)
One bright summer day I stopped to get gas and discovered the LCD display on the pump to be completely blank. I reported the problem to the person on duty and he came out to check the pump with me and said it looked fine to him. It still looked blank to me so I pushed up my sun glasses for a closer look. Then it looked fine to me too.

Apparently the polarization on my new sunglasses was 90į different to the mask on the pump.

I've had this problem with my sunglasses too at a gas pump. I didn't quite get to the point of reporting it to the person on duty but I stood there staring for a minute before I realized it was my sunglasses.

I've also done that at work. I was getting ready to go out to lunch and put my sunglasses on before I clocked out for lunch. Can't read my computer screen with polarized sunglasses on!

DorkVader 12-17-2017 01:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Napier (Post 20670141)
My tractor broke down. The engine ran but no power was going to the wheels. I had had a clutch spline strip once before and was afraid it was that again. I had a local tractor repair shop trailer it to their facility, where they diagnosed that the high/low range lever was in the middle position, Neutral. They said they'd only charge me $100 for moving it twice and looking it over, and I asked how much extra to not tell any of my neighbors.


snip

Heh, when I was in AIT to be a mechanic in the army, one of the first things they taught us was that when the Colonel's driver wakes you up in the middle of the night, out in the field, to venture out into the sub-freezing temperatures of winter, so you can fix the Colonel's Humvee that won't start, first make sure the transmission is in neutral, then check the fuel level.

For me, it was trying to fix a steering problem in an M113 APC. The driver got it into the shop bay. I had the engine compartment open, looking things over etc. Ah Ha, says I, your linkages are out of adjustment because your steering differential is crooked. I hooked up the overhead lift to support the differential in the correct position while I disconnected everything so I can inspect mounting points and hardware for damage and correct the adjustments in all the linkages as well as identify and correct the cause of the crooked positioning of the part. Shouldn't have taken more than a couple of hours max, if I worked slowly. Took me all damn day fiddling with it and my motor sergeant pointing out that I was using the very same (wrong size) mounting pin that I had identified as the problem and removed earlier that day. I had set it aside, with the intention of replacing it with the correct part, but somehow managed to never do that step. In my defense though, that particular mounting point was underneath the differential, where all work was done by feel.

Yllaria 12-17-2017 01:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by melondeca (Post 20670203)
A couple years ago it occurred to me that I did not have to use my teeth to remove the little plastic safety cap on my deodorant. I never realized you could twist up the deodorant. Iím 39 years old.

Quote:

Originally Posted by bobkitty (Post 20671384)
:eek:

I'm 44 and didn't realize this until I read your post. :smack:

Sigh. Me, too.

Another used car moment. My son borrowed my van and left the seat warmer on - a seat warmer that I didn't know my car had. Do you know the first worry that passed through my mind when I first noticed the spreading heat?

Eyebrows 0f Doom 12-17-2017 02:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bobkitty (Post 20671384)
:eek:

I'm 44 and didn't realize this until I read your post. :smack:

Explain please? Do you mean twisting up the deodorant to push off the plastic cap? Or did you not know the deodorant twisted up at all?

bobkitty 12-17-2017 02:48 PM

The former. I knew the deodorant twisted up, just not that by doing so you could push the plastic safety cover off. It seemed to me that the deodorant was too soft to manage such a thing, so I never bothered to try.

nightshadea 12-17-2017 02:51 PM

when 3d cards were new in pcs I bought one with a with a new monitor...hooked it up but I had to disable the original on board graphics ... now there were two separate ports one for the normal and one down at the bottom.......

Now the monitor the monitor winked out and it was under warranty and as a loaner they gave me some monochrome EGA thing.......

So I hooked it up and it still looked messed up and I couldn't use it for much but e-mail.........I suffered through this for two weeks and got the old one fixed exchanged it and took it home ...... turned on and looked messed up.... called them back and brought it back in .... they took ot back and a day or so later called me saying it might be my pc ...... bring it in and they'd take a look .... well I figured id try it one more time and accidently hooked the ega thing to the 3d card port and voilŗ the damn thing worked .....sure it was yellow but it ididnt flip around and look like the tv from the outer limits . ....when I told my room mate he said "oh that's right we disabled the onboard graphics ...." I picked up the monitor and was playing everquest in an half hour.......

Spice Weasel 12-17-2017 07:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Beckdawrek (Post 20670772)
I actually paid money for 2 Siamese kittens, 5 years ago. My life has never been the same.

Oh, right there with you.

''Let's get a kitten,'' I said.

''The older cat needs someone to play with,'' I said.

''Our pet expenses will only cost twice as much.''

Then, the clincher. ''Let's name him Abomination. It will be ironic!''

Beckdawrek 12-17-2017 07:50 PM

My Siamese have cutesy names, Bear-bear and Meeko, but they are decidedly not cute and sweet. They ARE beautiful, and you better tell them that at least a dozen times a day. They are demanding and loud, bossy, and oh so aloof. And you better not forget treat time.

melondeca 12-17-2017 09:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bobkitty (Post 20671384)
:eek:

I'm 44 and didn't realize this until I read your post. :smack:

I canít WAIT to tell my husband that Iím not the only one.

Toledo Jim 12-17-2017 11:29 PM

Sigh. I might have told this before, but here goes: Driving from Toledo to Lawrence, KS to visit my then fiance, later my wife. Somewhere around Effingham, IL I noticed the gas was low. Since several interstates cross there, I figured there was gas. Saw a lollipop sign for a station I had a credit card for, and hit the exit ramp. The car (68 Impala Wagon) coughed once and died, about halfway up the ramp. Oh, well. Walked up the ramp, bought a gallon of gas, paid the usual outlandish can deposit and headed back for the car. As I approached, a Highway Patrolman drove up behind the car, roof lights on. I sheepishly held up the can, the officer smiled and as I poured the gallon in we chatted a bit. He stuck around to make sure that was the problem. I started the car, it stuttered a bit, then ran just fine. Officer waved, left, and I picked up the can and walked back up the ramp to return the empty can and get my deposit back. As I returned the can, the attendant asked me where the car was, at which point it hit me. The car was still halfway up the ramp, quietly idling.

Mijin 12-17-2017 11:42 PM

I have a third one. Sorry to hijack thread but seems I'm just that dumb:

Went swimming with my gf, and she was wearing swimming-suitable headphones / mp3 player. Seemed like a really cool thing to make swimming more enjoyable, so I later went online to buy my own.

I found a model that I liked, but they were a bit pricey, so I shopped around several sites and eventually found them for a good price.

Anyway, the next time I go swimming with my gf, I turn on the headphones, dive into the water and Bzzt!: the sound cuts out.
Later I discover that the headphones I bought were not in fact the same model as the swimming-suitable ones (though they look identical). I got about 3 seconds of use from them before frying them. :smack:

chizzuk 12-18-2017 12:09 AM

I once went to pick up some sandwiches for lunch and then sat in my car in the parking lot panicking because it would not shift into reverse. I could not get out of the parking space. I frantically looked about for clues as to what might be wrong and tried to remember where my AAA card was. As I was fumbling for my cell phone, I saw the keys on my lap. The car would not shift out of reverse because it was not on, since I had not actually put the keys in the ignition. Somehow my brain had heard the noise of the BMW parked next to me starting up, ascribed that to my own car, and skipped that whole step.

That was actually the second time I've done that, too. The first time was in the garage leaving for work, on a morning where I'd already had to return to the house once after I'd walked out to the car barefoot.

Beckdawrek 12-18-2017 12:50 AM

How many times have you awakened, got up, got dressed went to work or school only find out it was Saturday? I don't admit to anything.

Johnny L.A. 12-18-2017 08:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Beckdawrek (Post 20672437)
How many times have you awakened, got up, got dressed went to work or school only find out it was Saturday? I don't admit to anything.

When I was eight or so I got up, got dressed, and told my parents (and the neighbours, who were visiting) that I was off to school. They looked at me as if I were nuts.

I'd come home from school and was tired, so I took a nap. I woke up at 6 PM. At the time of the year, 6 PM and 6 AM had the same amount of sun. (Didn't notice the angle.) So I thought I'd slept all night and had to hurry so that I wouldn't be late for school.

maisoui 12-18-2017 09:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Johnny L.A. (Post 20669393)
This reminds me of a story I've probably told before.

When I was a small child we lived in Japan. At the time, dad wore a Vulcain 'Cricket' watch, a model that was known for its alarm. This is before watches had batteries, so the alarm was not a 'beep-beep, beep-beep'. No, it was a clattering buzz. It sounded exactly like this in fact.

So dad's up on a stool, fixing some wiring in the ceiling light fixture. Just as he finished the job, his alarm went off. He thought he was being electrocuted and fell off of the stool. :p

Okay, I'll confess. I went to the link and I could see that the minute hand hadn't hit the 12 yet so of course there would be no sound, but then it DID hit the 12 and still no sound... until I picked up the headphones that are plugged into the computer and put them on my ears.

Spice Weasel 12-18-2017 09:16 AM

Ah yes. My med alarm stopped working, so I ordered a new one just like it. Only to find... The new one didn't work either.

Turns out they both had the same problem. In order to make them work, I had to *turn on the alarm.*

That little bit of stupidity cost me $40.

Spice Weasel 12-18-2017 09:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Johnny L.A. (Post 20672692)
When I was eight or so I got up, got dressed, and told my parents (and the neighbours, who were visiting) that I was off to school. They looked at me as if I were nuts.

I'd come home from school and was tired, so I took a nap. I woke up at 6 PM. At the time of the year, 6 PM and 6 AM had the same amount of sun. (Didn't notice the angle.) So I thought I'd slept all night and had to hurry so that I wouldn't be late for school.

This reminds me of the time, when I was 7 years old, that I missed the schoolbus one blustery winter morning. My Mom was at work, so I thought it would be a brilliant idea to ride my bike to school. Never mind that my house sat on a major highway, or that it was winter, or that I really had no idea how to get to school. I jumped on that bike and cruised down the freeway as the snow got heavier and heavier.

I ended up cold and lost in some quiet neighborhood. Eventually I knocked on a random door and a strange man let me into his house to call my Mom. When I couldn't get in touch with my mother, he offered to give me a ride to school. He then stuffed my bike into his trunk, jumped in the car, and... took me to school. I got there around noon. For some reason the school did not immediately call my mother.

She didn't find out until she picked me up from the sitter that night. You shoulda seen the look on her face when that story broke.

"But Mom! I checked the air in my tires before I left!"

"But Mom! He wasn't really a stranger because he was really nice!"

I still have a "problem" with trusting people too easily, though I'm now less inclined to ride my bike in the winter.

bibliophage 12-18-2017 10:20 AM

I drive a standard-cab pickup (no back seat). There is a space behind the seats for storage but I didn't use it much because it was such a hassle to access. I owned the truck for ten months before my brother-in-law showed me there is an "access panel" on either side. They open like suicide doors with the hinges in back. The handles to open them are visible only then the passenger doors are open. In my defense, the access panels are never mentioned in the owner's manual, as far as I can tell.

enipla 12-18-2017 10:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bullitt (Post 20669418)
When youíre replacing a glass shower door, when they break, it really is a spectacular CRASH!

I was on the first floor of my house when I hear something upstairs. Basically a loud WHUMP. Huh. Dogs must be fooling around.

Later found the entire bathroom floor covered with the broken shower door. Don't know what happened. Glad I wasn't taking a shower at the time.

icantdraw 12-18-2017 11:20 AM

I had some trouble with my motorcycle (a 1993 HD Heritage Softail). Wouldn't run. Borrowed a trailer and hauled it to the mechanic. Left it with him to get it going for me.

He called later in the day, informing me that he had put gas in for me. Thanks for that. :-)

Max Torque 12-18-2017 11:35 AM

One from my mother-in-law:

The driver's side door handle, the one inside the car, broke. So my wife was telling me about her struggle: "She can get into the car just fine, because the outside handle still works, but when she gets to work she has to slide all the way over to the passenger seat to get out, and it's just killing her back."

I said, "Why doesn't she just roll down the window and reach outside and open the car that way?"

There was a short pause. Then, "Oh my god, don't tell her that!"

DCnDC 12-18-2017 11:42 AM

I had to return something to Amazon. They mailed me a padded bag to send it back in. The bag came in an envelope and the second I received it, I slashed it open with my knife, which of course sliced right through the padded return bag. :smack:

I had to sheepishly email them to get another bag.

bizzwire 12-18-2017 12:17 PM

This doesnít concern me, but my tenant. Mrs. ďC,Ē who lived on the first floor, wanted to rent a piano. The moving company told her that there would be an additional charge for each step they encountered. She called me at work to ask how many steps there were on our front stoop.

ďThatís funny,Ē I thought; ďI walk up and down them every day, but never counted them.Ē However, I quickly remembered that Mrs. C was an idiot.

ďWhere are you calling from?Ē I asked. As I suspected, she was calling from her first-floor apartment.

ďWhy donít you open the front door, and count them?Ē

AHunter3 12-18-2017 03:42 PM

I'll repeat my confession from 2003 when we did this same kind of thing...


Quote:

Originally Posted by me
Razors, with the disposable-replaceable blade cartridges? Razors that come in a little snap-in holder thingie, a "razor caddie" sort of thing?

So I had bought my umpteenth replacement pack of 5 or 10 razor cartridges and was packing for a trip, and decided to take the razor in the razor caddie, and was looking for the most space-economical way of also packing the little plastic case containing 5 replacement cartridges. And I flipped the razor caddie over on its back and there was this little hollow region and guess what, I got the plastic razor-cartridge case to fit right down there inside that little hollow region, am I efficient at packing or what?!

Wow, it even fits so snugly it just stays right there, I don't even have to tape it or rubber-band it to hold it in, it's almost as if it were



uh....meant to hold them? :o


Shoeless 12-18-2017 04:14 PM

I bought a new Hyundai Sonata back in May and just figured out a week or so that I have a "smart trunk" that will open automatically if I have the key in my pocket. I was digging through the glove compartment looking for something else and found this little card explaining how to use the smart trunk. It was buried under the window sticker and other papers the dealer had stuck in there.

DrDeth 12-18-2017 04:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Projammer (Post 20669062)
One bright summer day I stopped to get gas and discovered the LCD display on the pump to be completely blank. I reported the problem to the person on duty and he came out to check the pump with me and said it looked fine to him. It still looked blank to me so I pushed up my sun glasses for a closer look. Then it looked fine to me too.

Apparently the polarization on my new sunglasses was 90į different to the mask on the pump.

I have done that exact same thing. :smack:

Balthisar 12-18-2017 05:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Toledo Jim (Post 20672377)
I started the car, it stuttered a bit, then ran just fine. Officer waved, left, and I picked up the can and walked back up the ramp to return the empty can and get my deposit back. As I returned the can, the attendant asked me where the car was, at which point it hit me. The car was still halfway up the ramp, quietly idling.

This is my favorite so far!

D.E.S.K.Top668 12-18-2017 06:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by melondeca (Post 20672251)
I canít WAIT to tell my husband that Iím not the only one.

I'm almost 50 and I'm proud to say that I knew about the twisting thing to get the safety cap BEFORE this thread. I figured it out...about 2 months ago:smack::(

Annoying Buzz 12-18-2017 07:52 PM

I bought a semi-expensive pair of headphones last year - nice and comfy, cloth pads (no vinyl crumbs everywhere!), good sound. Each earpiece had a cable that plugged into the bottom. Fine, but when I got them home, the cables just weren't connecting firmly; the sound would keep cutting out when I moved my head. I'd push the plugs back in, but they'd soon fall out again.

So I bring the whole set back to the store. The clerk takes one look and:

*twist* *CLICK*, *twist* *CLICK* "How's that?" :smack:

In fairness, plugging them in all the way took a little more force than I usually like to apply to expensive electronics.

Spice Weasel 12-18-2017 08:14 PM

I honestly wonder how many electronics I've returned as ''broken'' just because I couldn't figure out how they worked.

Barbarian 12-18-2017 08:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SeniorCitizen007 (Post 20668760)
A rather dotty woman I know moved house. Her son dismantled many items of furniture, cupboards, etc ... carefully labelling the bolts and screws and so on. Everything was easily transported to the new address in an afternoon. However ... she'd thrown away the box the fittings were in ... to her it was just a box of junk.

No jury would convict him.

Tibby 12-18-2017 10:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Beckdawrek (Post 20672437)
How many times have you awakened, got up, got dressed went to work or school only find out it was Saturday? I don't admit to anything.

Sounds familiar. Except, in my case, I can't blame childhood ignoranceóI was ~52yo when it happened to me.

[Wake up and look at clock]

...Damn, I'm late for work.


[Take quick shower, shave and grab a handful of granola on the way out to my car. Gotta gun it to work so I don't get too behind]

Jeez, the sky's getting pretty dark. Did I miss a storm warning or something? At least traffic is pretty light for rush hour. Where is everybody?

[Get to the clinic, realize I'm the first to arrive, disarm the alarm upon entering, go to my office to check charts of the days patients, then walk out to the reception area about 20 minutes later.]

Damn, where is my receptionist? Where is my office manager? Where are my patients?

[Look out the window. It's pitch black outside]

WTF, did I miss news of a total eclipse? Is this black-out the result of a massive ICBM attack that I somehow slept through?? Did the sun all of a sudden stop fusing hydrogen into helium (because, y'know, that would kinda suck)???

[Then, something dawns on me]

...Oh, crap! Is this PM or AM?

Turns out it was PM.

Oopsie, my bad. I drove back home to get a few more hours of shut-eye before AM. I didn't tell anybody about my idiotic mixup.

It was a long day.

ENugent 12-18-2017 11:38 PM

When I was pregnant with my second, I decided to grab some Starbucks after dropping off the first at daycare. I came out of Starbucks, reached in my pocket, and didn't feel my keys. Slightly alarmed, I started patting all my pockets and reaching in my purse, trying to find them. I was thinking, "Oh, crap, did I just lock my keys in my car?"

But when I got to my car, it wasn't locked. The keys were inside, in the ignition. The car was running. I had turned off the radio when I parked, and somehow in my mind that turned into turning off the ignition and I skipped that step. I was very lucky my car was still there.

septimus 12-19-2017 08:12 AM

Thanks for the thread! It's good to know I'm not alone. If I wracked my brain I could come up with many examples; I'd have to decide whether to pick stories for maximum humor, maximum embarrassment, or closest to fatality. Starting with innocuous: I once spent several minutes looking for my contact lens only to find it ... in my eye.
Quote:

Originally Posted by ENugent (Post 20674335)
But when I got to my car, it wasn't locked. The keys were inside, in the ignition. The car was running. I had turned off the radio when I parked,...

I avoided this problem by making turning off engine, key removal and door opening a single joint operation. Locking by finger-push and door closing was also a single joint operation. So when I stopped the engine but remained sitting to think about my next move, I left the key inside ... where it remained when I finally opened the door.

I've only locked a car with keys inside twice in my life. The second time was a few minutes after paying a locksmith to open the car the first time: I then drove a short distance, parked and remained sitting to think about my folly before opening the door.

Not willing to risk a three-time loser "hat trick", I left the car locked and checked into a motel.

Pleonast 12-19-2017 10:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by septimus (Post 20674684)
I once spent several minutes looking for my contact lens only to find it ... in my eye.

One evening with the family after a meal at a busy restaurant, we were packing up to go. I always double check our table for misplaced belongings. Signed the check. Got wallet and purse. Got diaper bag. Got jackets. Got kids... oh my god, where's the baby? I started looking around. Not in the high chair, not on a chair, not on the table (yeah, that sometimes happens), not crawling around. I was just starting to panic, when my spouse looked at me and said "you're holding him". :smack:

AHunter3 12-19-2017 12:54 PM

Ooh, I thought of another one!

I was starting grad school so I needed a car; an old beater suited my purposes fine so I bought one via the Pennysaver — a 1971 Toyota Corolla. Needed some work: I had to replace the alternator immediately or the battery would not charge. But for $200, sure. Fair enough.

Next day, I'm naturally taking it out for a test drive, using the flimsy excuse that I have to pick up some textbooks from my office. On the way back, I see the fuel gauge indicating car is thirsty, so I pull into the nearest service station.

Hmm, ** pulls on license plate ** nope, that's not it...

** walks along left side of car looking for filler cap **
** walks along right side of car looking for filler cap **

:dubious:

** drops to knees behind car, glances up hopefully at underbelly, looking for structural signs of pipe leading to a filler cap **

** walks around car slowly**

Bloody fucking hell, no wonder the damn car was being sold for only $200, there's no way to put gas in it!

... OK, let's see if you do any better. It's plainly visible in the photo I linked to.

cochrane 12-19-2017 01:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AHunter3 (Post 20675263)
Ooh, I thought of another one!

I was starting grad school so I needed a car; an old beater suited my purposes fine so I bought one via the Pennysaver ó a 1971 Toyota Corolla. Needed some work: I had to replace the alternator immediately or the battery would not charge. But for $200, sure. Fair enough.

Next day, I'm naturally taking it out for a test drive, using the flimsy excuse that I have to pick up some textbooks from my office. On the way back, I see the fuel gauge indicating car is thirsty, so I pull into the nearest service station.

Hmm, ** pulls on license plate ** nope, that's not it...

** walks along left side of car looking for filler cap **
** walks along right side of car looking for filler cap **

:dubious:

** drops to knees behind car, glances up hopefully at underbelly, looking for structural signs of pipe leading to a filler cap **

** walks around car slowly**

Bloody fucking hell, no wonder the damn car was being sold for only $200, there's no way to put gas in it!

... OK, let's see if you do any better. It's plainly visible in the photo I linked to.

WAG: It's behind the piece of trim on the pillar behind the left rear window?

Urbanredneck 12-19-2017 01:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Morgenstern (Post 20669320)
Don't use a power drill to drill a board on your lap. That's all I'm saying about that.

Dont stick your finger under a running lawnmower to clear a grass clog - enough said, just dont!

TroutMan 12-19-2017 01:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cochrane (Post 20675360)
WAG: It's behind the piece of trim on the pillar behind the left rear window?

Nah, the circle under the Corolla logo on the front side spins around.

gigi 12-19-2017 01:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by septimus (Post 20674684)
Thanks for the thread! It's good to know I'm not alone. If I wracked my brain I could come up with many examples; I'd have to decide whether to pick stories for maximum humor, maximum embarrassment, or closest to fatality. Starting with innocuous: I once spent several minutes looking for my contact lens only to find it ... in my eye.

So, I was at the part of my eye exam when I put my lenses back in and sit back down for the final steps. I've done that and am thinking, but I still can't see??! I get back up and cross the room to the sink. One lens is still in the case :confused: and one is stuck to a piece of paper towel in the trash can.

I still don't understand what I thought I was doing when I was supposed to be putting my lenses back in.

AHunter3 12-19-2017 02:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cochrane (Post 20675360)
WAG: It's behind the piece of trim on the pillar behind the left rear window?

Quote:

Originally Posted by TroutMan (Post 20675412)
Nah, the circle under the Corolla logo on the front side spins around.

cochrane sussed it out.

I'd never seen a filler cap so high off the ground on a passenger car, and it looked like decorative trim akin to what zillions of other cars have. Just didn't occur to me that that could be it until someone showed me.

Sicks Ate 12-19-2017 02:13 PM

Drive side, inside door handle broke. So I scooted over the passenger seat and got out that way. Wow, how embarrassing, and it sucks that I'll have to do that EVERY TIME I get out if my car, right?

Took about two days to realize I could just roll down the window and grab the outside handle.

digs 12-19-2017 02:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AHunter3 (Post 20675426)
cochrane sussed it out.

I'd never seen a filler cap so high off the ground on a passenger car, and it looked like decorative trim akin to what zillions of other cars have. Just didn't occur to me that that could be it until someone showed me.

Would've fooled me, too. But I jumped in here to say "What a cool-looking car." I'm tempted to get one of those, or the original Honda Civic.

Ooh, that even made "James May's 12 cars that changed history"...

Cars that were ordinary at the time, but nowadays, when a Civic and a Corolla are trying to look like generic sedans, the classics would stand out.

Sicks Ate 12-19-2017 02:20 PM

Since I just made a bunch of chicken stock it reminded me of one time I made a sweet, sweet batch from the remains of two smoked chickens. Man, was I looking forward to using that for something delicious!

Time comes to strain it out, I set up my colander....over the sink, forgetting a bowl, and pour all of my beautiful stock down the drain :(

Max Torque 12-19-2017 02:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sicks Ate (Post 20675460)
Drive side, inside door handle broke. So I scooted over the passenger seat and got out that way. Wow, how embarrassing, and it sucks that I'll have to do that EVERY TIME I get out if my car, right?

Took about two days to realize I could just roll down the window and grab the outside handle.

You and my mother-in-law! (see post #80)

Sicks Ate 12-19-2017 02:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Max Torque (Post 20675532)
You and my mother-in-law! (see post #80)

She strikes me as a charming and intelligent woman.

Filbert 12-19-2017 03:23 PM

AHunter3, you have my sympathy, when I rented a van to move house recently, I couldn't figure out how to refuel the damn thing either. Wound up in a mad panic at the pump because I had less than an hour to refuel it and return it to the other end of town...

It was inside the passenger door, if you want to know. It's the only time I've ever had to refuel a van, so maybe that's standard, but it confused the hell out of me.

gigi 12-19-2017 03:51 PM

:) I pulled into a gas station one time in a rental car and the tank was on the opposite from what I was used to. No problem, I'll just circle around to the other side of the pumps. My mom was with me thinking, hmmm... I get out and realize that won't help! I get back in car and we're cackling as I leave -- we can't stay here, too embarrassed!

wolfman 12-19-2017 04:03 PM

One more for me. About 15 years ago I rented a decent sized Penske box truck to move, and it was pretty old by then. When it got dark, I turned on the lights. The light indicator seemed to suggest I had brights on. But turning every knob I could see, feeling around for hidden knobs, and even kicking off my shoe to feel around the floor by sock, I never found a switch. I decided, maybe it was a rental truck thing, maybe there just wasn't a switch. After I hit traffic It became confirmed from honking, fingers, and a few people who even took the time to let me pass them, then pull in behind me and flood me with their brights, that I did indeed have my brights on.

Eventually I pulled off and searched the entire cab inch by inch, never found the damn thing. I finally decided fuck it, I'm behind schedule, and only planned to drive another two hours before grabbing a motel till morning, So I kept making new friends for the next couple hours, then finished in daylight the next day.

I really meant to ask when I turned the truck in. But with the preoccupation and moving into a new place, I completely forgot.

furryman 12-19-2017 04:09 PM

I don't know how many years I swallowed Listerine before I read the the label where it plainly says "do not swallow.":o

Urbanredneck 12-19-2017 04:20 PM

When camping when I approach my tent for some reason I fumble for my keys.

Beckdawrek 12-19-2017 04:32 PM

I have tried to change the tv channel lots of times with my cell phone. Used to do it with a cordless phone, a few years ago.

kayT 12-19-2017 04:35 PM

I used to try to make calls on my adding machine...

gigi 12-19-2017 04:39 PM

When working a paper crossword with pen, I think, I better save what I've done so far. I don't want to lose all this work.

I just got an iPad and downloaded some puzzle apps so this confusion will only intensify.

Graymalkin 12-19-2017 09:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by D.E.S.K.Top668 (Post 20673986)
I'm almost 50 and I'm proud to say that I knew about the twisting thing to get the safety cap BEFORE this thread. I figured it out...about 2 months ago:smack::(

I still don't understand this deodorant problem. What brand are you talking about? Using your teeth to get the plastic thingie off each time you use it? What are you talking about?

Green Bean 12-19-2017 09:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Urbanredneck (Post 20675772)
When camping when I approach my tent for some reason I fumble for my keys.

I can't tell you how many times I've stood at my front door pressing the "unlock" button on my car key and wondering why it wasn't working.

deaftom 12-19-2017 10:09 PM

Many years ago, I had a VW Rabbit with a sunroof. One beautiful spring day, I went to a store somewhere downtown, and rolled down the front side windows and cranked open the sunroof to enjoy the mild sunny day. Arrived there, did a masterful job of parallel parking, then carefully raised the windows again to secure the car. Got out, set the doors to lock, then shut the driverís door. I took three steps, then paused: where were my car keys? Not in my pockets...oh, *&#$! Peered into the car, and my keys are still dangling from the ignition. After a few awful seconds of leaning against the car wondering what the hell to do (being deaf, calling somebody was not an option), I happened to notice that the sunroof...was still open. By heaving myself up onto the roof and dangling, body half in and half out of the sunroof, I managed to reach down and retrieve the keys. As my feet hit the sidewalk again, I noticed a cop looking at me suspiciously from his patrol car at the opposite curb. With a weak, apologetic smile, I waved the keys at him, and fortunately he didnít make an issue of it as I re-opened the VW, closed the sunroof, relocked the car (this time completely and with the keys on the outside), and slunk away in shame.

Johnny L.A. 12-19-2017 11:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Graymalkin (Post 20676237)
I still don't understand this deodorant problem. What brand are you talking about? Using your teeth to get the plastic thingie off each time you use it? What are you talking about?

The anti-perspirants I use come in elliptical cylinders. They have an interior elliptical cover over the product, with a plastic tab on top. The consumer removes the interior cover and disposes of it, and covers the product with the plastic cap.

The interior covers may be difficult to remove. I've never used my teeth, though. I do remove them temporarily when I'm in the store so I can smell what the stuff smells like. If I ever have trouble removing an interior cover, I'll use the knob at the bottom of the container to push it off. Just not in the store. ;)

...

Back to gas caps. It is as recently as a couple of years ago that a woman at a gas station said she didn't know what side her filler port was. I looked at her dash and told her. Then I showed her the little arrow on the fuel gauge. I wonder how many people still don't know about that?

Beckdawrek 12-20-2017 12:27 AM

Wha??? Well that's news to me.

digs 12-20-2017 09:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Johnny L.A. (Post 20676377)
Back to gas caps. It is as recently as a couple of years ago that a woman at a gas station said she didn't know what side her filler port was. I looked at her dash and told her. Then I showed her the little arrow on the fuel gauge. I wonder how many people still don't know about that?

Every car I've ever owned in my fifty years of driving has had the gas cap on the driver's side. My current car does, too, but my wife's is on the passenger's side.
Thanks for the little arrow on the gas gauge, Buick, but I'm still pulling up to the pump wrong.

Procrustus 12-20-2017 09:08 AM

Called an electrican because two outlets stopped working. He showed us the switch that controls them.

burpo the wonder mutt 12-20-2017 09:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by digs (Post 20676669)
<snip> Thanks for the little arrow on the gas gauge, Buick... <snip> .

Not at all, you paid $300 bucks extra for it.

--Love, Buick.

:D

AHunter3 12-20-2017 10:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Green Bean (Post 20676244)
I can't tell you how many times I've stood at my front door pressing the "unlock" button on my car key and wondering why it wasn't working.

** nods **

I went home without my little Torx screwdriver that I needed in order to work on an old laptop. "Oh, I installed remote control software, I can just remote in to the workplace desktop!", I realize, and I start congratulating myself on how well my contingency planning has handled such situations.

Then I'm staring at the remote-session window and wondering just exactly this was going to help me get that screwdriver. "Hmm, as an email attachment, maybe? Just click the paperclip icon and navigate to the physical desktop, right? Do you figure screwdrivers are binary, or plain text?"

Dinsdale 12-20-2017 01:52 PM

Here's a minor one, tho recent. Apologies that it takes too long to describe for insufficient payoff.

We were doing x-mas cards the other day. My wife puts some effort into making them look nice, which I appreciate. She addresses/signs hers, I do mine. We sat down at the table to do it one afternoon, and she said something like, "I'll stick on the return addresses and stamps."

So I get all huffy saying, "What, I'm too stupid to be trusted to stick on stamps?!" But if she wants to do it, fine.

After a while, she decides she's tired of it, and tells me to do the stamps/return addresses for mine.

I can't find the stamps online to link to them, but they were 4 winter scenes: a kid making a snow angel, someone putting a carrot nose on a snowman, 2 skaters, and I forget the 4th. Apparently my wife preferred the skaters and the other one, because the sheets I picked up were mainly snow angels with a couple of snowmen. I wasn't sure how the snow angel was supposed to be oriented, because there was no horizon or anything as a reference. But I realized they had the word "FOREVER" printed along the side. Being brilliant, I realized they were intended to be placed so that the word "FOREVER" was upright and legible.

Fine. Then I got to the snowmen. The word "FOREVER" was along a different side. So I oriented them "landscape" as opposed to the others which were "portrait," so you could read the word FOREVER. Then I came to a skaters stamp. When I went to stick it on in landscape orientation so the word FOREVER was correct, I realized that would have the skaters skating on their sides. Which couldn't be right. So I looked back at the snowman - the way I oriented them would have the snowman lying on its back, with the kid reaching in from the side, as opposed to reaching up which is the only thing that would have made sense... And, yeah, the snow angel would probably look better 90 degrees from the way I had.

So after acting all insulted, I had to admit to my wife that, yes, I AM too fucking stupid to do something as simple as affix a stamp correctly. What I like is that I wasn't simply not paying attention. I actually expended some considerable mental effort, to figure out how to do such a simple task clearly wrong. :smack:

Graymalkin 12-20-2017 08:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by furryman (Post 20675748)
I don't know how many years I swallowed Listerine before I read the the label where it plainly says "do not swallow.":o

Now that was funny!

Graymalkin 12-20-2017 08:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Johnny L.A. (Post 20676377)
The anti-perspirants I use come in elliptical cylinders. They have an interior elliptical cover over the product, with a plastic tab on top. The consumer removes the interior cover and disposes of it, and covers the product with the plastic cap.

The interior covers may be difficult to remove. I've never used my teeth, though. I do remove them temporarily when I'm in the store so I can smell what the stuff smells like. If I ever have trouble removing an interior cover, I'll use the knob at the bottom of the container to push it off. Just not in the store. ;)

Thanks, Johnny. I'm pretty stupid about everyday things most of the time, but this one STILL has me flummoxed.

needscoffee 12-20-2017 09:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Graymalkin (Post 20678046)
Thanks, Johnny. I'm pretty stupid about everyday things most of the time, but this one STILL has me flummoxed.

It's the innerseal that rests against the antiperspirant stick, under the lid. https://goo.gl/images/uWRkXh

elfkin477 12-20-2017 09:52 PM

Seasonal idiocy: I was quite deflated a few years back when I discovered only after a live Christmas tree was set up and decorated that those bags for them for clean up are supposed to be placed under them before you do anything else. It never occurred to me that they went under the tree skirt.

Filbert 12-21-2017 04:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gigi (Post 20675806)
When working a paper crossword with pen, I think, I better save what I've done so far. I don't want to lose all this work.

I just got an iPad and downloaded some puzzle apps so this confusion will only intensify.

Ever tried to swipe to turn the page on a paper book?
'Cos, uhh.. a friend of mine does that sometimes.

Skara_Brae 12-21-2017 06:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Filbert (Post 20678380)
Ever tried to swipe to turn the page on a paper book?
'Cos, uhh.. a friend of mine does that sometimes.

Iíve tapped on a word in a paper book, and then was puzzled for a moment when the definition didnít pop up.

Iíve also spread my fingers over an actual photograph, trying to make a part of it bigger.:smack:

cochrane 12-21-2017 07:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Procrustus (Post 20676674)
Called an electrican because two outlets stopped working. He showed us the switch that controls them.

Then the electrician said, "They'll be $60.05. Five cents for flipping the switch and $60.00 for knowing where it is."

gigi 12-21-2017 10:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by elfkin477 (Post 20678142)
Seasonal idiocy: I was quite deflated a few years back when I discovered only after a live Christmas tree was set up and decorated that those bags for them for clean up are supposed to be placed under them before you do anything else. It never occurred to me that they went under the tree skirt.

It just occurred to me this year that it would be easier to put the tree skirt on BEFORE pulling the folded-up artificial branches down.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dinsdale
So after acting all insulted, I had to admit to my wife that, yes, I AM too fucking stupid to do something as simple as affix a stamp correctly.

I licked a Christmas card envelope this morning and it didn't stick. "Friggin Hallmark cheap ass card, OK, let me go find the scotch tape..." Luckily before doing all that, I noticed the paper over the ... self-adhesive strip.

Tibby 12-21-2017 01:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by needscoffee (Post 20678091)
It's the innerseal that rests against the antiperspirant stick, under the lid. https://goo.gl/images/uWRkXh

Innerseal, you say?

Well, that explains why my antiperspirant stick has lasted for years without sloughing down. It may also explain why people back further and further away from me as time marches on.

Corner Case 12-21-2017 02:30 PM

I had thought of turning the dial of the deodorant to pop off the cap, but I felt the deodorant would get stuck when I tried to lower it back in, so I never tried that, thinking it was a misuse of the design.

I once rented a car, drove to my hotel, parked - and then spent the next 15 minutes trying to get the key out of the ignition! Gear set in Park. Steering wheel wiggled and clicked. Looked for a metal catch in the ignition slot, everything! Even tried to set the manual parking brake. I finally found that I had to press in a plastic cylinder on the underside of the steering column to release the key! How is that obvious?

In the 90's, a friend gave me a software copy of a child's puzzle game. I was more interested in the software and graphics than the game itself. It was so cool! It had a Claymation gumby-like figure that would walk around in a cave as you pressed the arrow keys. Others keys had it jump, or grasp, etc. to play the game. When I arrowed it off the screen into the next section, a beautiful rainbow appeared. As I arrowed, the pattern of lines would thicken in some lines, thin in others, and morph - like moving through a curtain. Pretty neat for the times! I couldn't figure out what more to do with the game, but could figure out that if I did, say, n right-arrows, I could do n left arrows and the cave scene would return. There were no instructions but I didn't care since this was just a quick copy of a game to check out the graphics. One day, I arrowed in a pattern of lefts and rights and suddenly there was a new scene! So, if you arrowed through the curtain just right, you could get to others places in the game. Great! So I started to make a map of the pattern of thick and thin lines and their colors so that I could determine where to go when I wanted to get from scene to scene. Fun, but exhausting, writing down all those combinations. Then playing another game some months later it dawned on me -- The rainbow parts were a video display using a video driver I didn't have. I was hand writing maps of video scan lines! :smack:

Johnny L.A. 12-21-2017 02:54 PM

Earlier in this thread, I said I'd pointed out the little arrow on the fuel gauge in her car, that indicates which side the filling port is on.

I happened to see this just now. :)

furryman 12-22-2017 11:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cochrane (Post 20678503)
Then the electrician said, "They'll be $60.05. Five cents for flipping the switch and $60.00 for knowing where it is."

When the lights went out in one of my rooms I called my sister who's pretty handy.
She said. "Check the GFI switch."
"The FBI switch? The who, what, why switch?":confused:
Turned out I needed to reset my circuit breakers

DrForrester 12-22-2017 08:44 PM

My brother, a building contractor, tells me that approximately 1/3 of his work comes from repairing the work of others.

The other day, for reasons that I now find elusive, I needed to get my mailbox out of the larger brick superstructure in which it was encased. I thought that my car's tire jack would be absolutely the correct tool for this. Rather than push the mailbox forward & out, it pushed the brick structure apart on the rear, requiring a complete re-build of nearly half of the thing. About 2 days of labor & hundreds of dollars in parts & tools.

I was really irritated, but I got it all done. Perfectly. Then, to brag, I called my brother. He was good enough to listen to the entire story before laughing at me & telling me that I could've just installed a new spring. He explained how to do it in moments. It would've probably required 5 to 10 minutes.

This is why the new rule. He stays out of my lab. I stay away from the big boy tools.

DrDeth 12-23-2017 02:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tibby or Not Tibby (Post 20678999)
Innerseal, you say?

Well, that explains why my antiperspirant stick has lasted for years without sloughing down. It may also explain why people back further and further away from me as time marches on.

:eek:

:):p:D:):D:p

Rocketeer 12-24-2017 12:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TokyoBayer (Post 20669367)
When youíre installing a ceiling fan, who needs to be careful and go all the way over to the breaker box to turn off the circuit?

BTDT; I have a now-useless pair of wire cutters with a big melted divot in the jaws. An exciting moment!

TruCelt 12-26-2017 11:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gatopescado (Post 20670767)
I'm married.

Quote:

Originally Posted by needscoffee (Post 20678091)
It's the innerseal that rests against the antiperspirant stick, under the lid. https://goo.gl/images/uWRkXh

That photo was a bit small on my computer screen, so I clicked on it trying to make it bigger. Took me to a "Lifehacks" type page, where a poster was suggesting using the nail clippers to grasp that hard-to-remove seal and yank it off. I guess s/he hasn't found the "push up the deodorant and it will come off easily" trick. LOL!


When Celtling was about four, our truck (A GMC Envoy) died, and I had to buy a sedan. Being a Mom now, I didn't have the extra income I'd had when I bought the truck, so had to do without a lot of the extras, like the remote trunk opening feature.

Hitting the little trunk open button before I got out of the car was something I just couldn't seem to remember. And the sedan had no handle to open the trunk like the truck had. So one day I'm grumbling as I walk back to the driver's seat to open the trunk. When I get back to the back of the car, Celtling points to the little round key hole on the trunk lid and asks, "But Mommy, what is this for?"

D'Oh! ! ! :smack:

robardin 12-26-2017 11:59 AM

I just turned 47 years old, and have an impeccable education: specialized high school, Ivy League college degree, I would even qualify (if I were to want to join for some reason) for the "Triple Nine Society" High IQ group by virtue of my long-ago SAT score.

And yet, this JUST happened to me this past weekend.

A friend of mine on Facebook posted a picture of his young daughter standing in front of their kitchen counter, with a tray full of what looked like colored sand or sugar, and the tops of candy canes poking out from it.

The text to go with the picture was something like, "having fun growing candy canes for the holidays!"

I showed it to my wife and speculated on what made the candy canes crystallize in an upwards fashion.

She looked at me to see if I was serious or not, then said, "I believe it's done with a little overnight help from the parents."

Oh... OH, now I see! D'OH!!!

I had never known this was A Thing, and assumed this was like those kits from when I was a kid where you could make rock candy crystallize onto sticks, but with advances gained over the past 30+ years.

No, it's a home craft kind of thing associated with the whole "Elf on a Shelf" business, which didn't exist when I was a kid, and we didn't do with ours.

I told her she missed her chance to really pull one over on me. She could have told me she would get a kit and show me how it worked, and had me plant the "candy seed" in the sugar, put a UV lamp or something on it, and then over a period of a few days, swap in increasingly larger segments of candy cands in there, while videoing me checking in on the progress. Given my assumptions and the fact that my wife, as a rule, is a totally see-through liar, I would not be surprised if I literally would not have realized what was actually going on until maybe 2 or 3 days later, well after your run of the mill toddler would have rolled his or her eyes.

Aspenglow 12-26-2017 01:29 PM

I have no shortage of these, Iím pained to admit. Here are a couple:

When I lived in California, I had a gimmicky little tchotchke called Earthquake in a Can. When sitting on a desk, it looked just like a regular canned item. But when you picked it up, some gizmo inside caused it to shimmy and quake like anything. Being a natural practical joker, I quite enjoyed watching the reactions of visitors to my office when they casually picked up the can and it did its thing.

When I left the job, I didnít disable the battery-operated mechanism, just shoved the can into a box along with my other personal items. Put the box in my trunk. Forgot about it.

A week or two later, I noticed a strange shimmy in the rear of the vehicle every time I made a left hand turn. It felt just like something mechanical had started to fail! I took the car to my trusty mechanic. It took him two days and the assistance of his son riding in the trunk of the car while he drove to discover the problem.

I paid him his hourly rate and changed mechanics, due to extreme embarrassment.

*********************************************

More recently, I purchased a rear tine rototiller for my gardens. I carefully studied the schematic on the machine that showed the gear configuration. Everything worked as pictured, except the reverse tine rotation. The tiller kept moving forward, not in reverse as I expected.

I called the dealerís service department and they kindly offered to send a fellow along after his regular work day to take a look. He ran the tiller through its paces and pronounced it was working perfectly. I pointed out that the tiller moved forward even when the tine rotation was set in reverse. Just as I said it, the penny dropped. What kind of idiot expects the tiller to move in reverse just because the tines are rotating in that direction? This idiot, thatís who.

All I know is, every time I stop by that tractor dealer, they always remember me.

Aspenglow, not an engineer.

Muffin 12-26-2017 02:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TruCelt (Post 20686089)
So one day I'm grumbling as I walk back to the driver's seat to open the trunk. When I get back to the back of the car, Celtling points to the little round key hole on the trunk lid and asks, "But Mommy, what is this for?"

For 11 or under: "That's the trunk monkey baby doctor button we used when you were born."
For 12 or up: "That's the ejection seat button we used on your brother that you've never met."

Jennshark 12-27-2017 12:39 PM

I had my Jeep for two years before I figured out that the "horseshoe with flames" warning light was the tire pressure sensor alert. Apparently this symbol puzzles a lot of folk.

There was also a button that looked just like a mallard duck, I think it was a FWD assist.

My new BMW has a heads-up display (holographic speed, navigation, etc projected on windshield). This is our first winter together and I was delighted when a cute little snowflake started appearing - how sweet that the car was saying "happy winter!" Turns out it's a warning that it's cold enough to cause icy roads.

I could write an entire book on my struggles with Saran Wrap . . .

Johnny L.A. 12-27-2017 03:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jennshark (Post 20687883)
This is our first winter together and I was delighted when a cute little snowflake started appearing - how sweet that the car was saying "happy winter!" Turns out it's a warning that it's cold enough to cause icy roads.

I have one of those on the (2005) Prius. I knew what it was though, because I read the owners manual. ;)

I have an annunciator in the Prius I call the 'slippy light'. It's actually the Traction Control Warning Light. It comes on about half a second after my butt tells me I've lost traction. Big help, Slippy Light!

HoneyBadgerDC 12-27-2017 05:17 PM

I replaced my toilet about 4 times in 20 years always going for bigger and more expensive because they never seemed to handle my waste without assist from a plunger. A few months ago I figured out that if I just hold the handle down a few seconds longer it won't be a problem. Just another example of problems I could have avoided if I wasn't always rushing.

Johnny L.A. 12-27-2017 05:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HoneyBadgerDC (Post 20688359)
I replaced my toilet about 4 times in 20 years always going for bigger and more expensive because they never seemed to handle my waste without assist from a plunger. A few months ago I figured out that if I just hold the handle down a few seconds longer it won't be a problem.

Or you could adjust the float so that the tank fills with more water.

wolfman 12-27-2017 07:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Johnny L.A. (Post 20688372)
Or you could adjust the float so that the tank fills with more water.

It doesn't really matter how much water is in The tank if you're only letting a splash of water into the bowl per load.

Cartooniverse 12-27-2017 07:37 PM

14 hours ago.......
 
.......I got up very early when my Dearly Belovedô awoke. I got bizzy cause there was Banana Bread to bake. Got to the butter, mashed the bananas, did the eggs. Stopped cold when I couldn't find the vanilla extract. Now, I'm not exactly an epicure when it comes to my vanilla. I use the artificial stuff. Because, hell, if I think Fresca tastes like grapefruit and banana-flavored Bonomo Turkish Taffy tastes like banana then hell, I can use the artificial stuff. Which is remarkably inexpensive next to the Gen Ewe Ine stuff.

I know we had a big bottle around. I know it. We'd made French Toast a few weeks ago, and making French Toast without using vanilla extract is a bit like making Pancakes and forgetting the flour. Well. Anyway.

I look. HARD. It's a very small NYC apartment kitchen. I look on the floor under the sideboard. I look in places this thing would have NO business being. No dice. I'm flummoxed and have to get some, because I'm not baking up 8 loaves of the aforementioned Banana Bread without it.

I go and buy. I come home. I walk up and glance into the sink. Which has two things sitting in it. One of which is the large bottle of vanilla extract. I'd put it in there after rinsing off something that was goopy on the outside of it. I'd done this about 20 minutes before I "couldn't find it".

It.Was.Right.There. :smack::smack::smack::smack::smack::smack::smack:

Cartooniverse 12-27-2017 08:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Johnny L.A. (Post 20688248)
I have one of those on the (2005) Prius. I knew what it was though, because I read the owners manual. ;)

I have an annunciator in the Prius I call the 'slippy light'. It's actually the Traction Control Warning Light. It comes on about half a second after my butt tells me I've lost traction. Big help, Slippy Light!

We have the 2010 model. Does the same thing. WTF??!!!!

Johnny L.A. 12-27-2017 08:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cartooniverse (Post 20688637)
We have the 2010 model. Does the same thing. WTF??!!!!

Well, it would be hard for it to indicate loss of traction before the event. ;)

I can only guess that it's for situations other than a momentary slip (e.g., icy conditions).

BigT 12-27-2017 09:53 PM

Been having problems with some websites not loading. Could not figure out the issue. I could sometimes fix it by restarting my router.

It just dawned on me that I'd been trying to block a certain site using the parental controls. I don't know why it blocked so many other sites, or why I could sometimes fix it, but I should have thought to check it.

Johnny L.A. 12-28-2017 09:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jennshark (Post 20687883)
My new BMW has a heads-up display (holographic speed, navigation, etc projected on windshield). This is our first winter together and I was delighted when a cute little snowflake started appearing

Here is a list of dashboard annunciators.

robardin 12-28-2017 10:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Johnny L.A. (Post 20688248)
I have one of those on the (2005) Prius. I knew what it was though, because I read the owners manual. ;)

I have an annunciator in the Prius I call the 'slippy light'. It's actually the Traction Control Warning Light. It comes on about half a second after my butt tells me I've lost traction. Big help, Slippy Light!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cartooniverse (Post 20688637)
We have the 2010 model. Does the same thing. WTF??!!!!

That's not a "warning light" that you have to do something, but an indicator that the Traction Control system has engaged. It is there to (try to) save your butt from bad driving practices by Doing the Right Thing that most people aren't trained to do reflexively. It's kind of like the counterpart to ABS (antilock braking systems).

An ABS system automatically pumps, or pulses, the brakes when you stand on them without letting go, when it senses the brakes are locking up. It used to be you had to be a good enough driver to realize "hey, my brakes are locking up, I'd better release them and reapply them to actually brake at all" - and on a slippery surface like gravel or snow, to realize that you should be pumping them as rapidly as possible to keep from locking up. The ABS system will do it for any driver who just slams on the brakes and doesn't let go, plus it can detect actual lockup (versus possible) and pulse much faster than a person could pump. So it is not just "something for people who can't drive" (an unfair judgment in any case of someone who doesn't regularly practice emergency driving situations), it's actually going to do it better than a human, every time.

As for Traction Control, that's for when you're accelerating on a slippery surface. If you're just stepping on the accelerator thinking "cmon car go faster!", and the tires have no traction, you're just spinning the tires faster and faster for no gain. Then, if/when any of your tires DO get better traction (encounters clear road, for example), you'll have a massive jerk of power, which can be jolting - and if only one of your drive wheels gets that patch of contact, you could get a lopsided jerk of power, and lose control as the car suddenly veers off to one side.

So the TCS (traction control system) will short circuit your stomping on the gas pedal and act like you released it completely, or are engaging it very lightly and smoothly, when it senses you have no traction.

This is another area where drivers who are "experts" (in their minds, at least) at driving in gravel or snow, are driving in those conditions intentionally rather than panicking at encoutering it, and are actively looking to lose traction in order to drift into a different angle, and then snap out of the drift with a burst of torque... They want to be able to disable TCS to do it.

But for your everyday driver who is looking to avoid these conditions and are only encountering them rarely and under stressful conditions, these things are very useful.

Note that TCS cannot actually GIVE you traction. Nothing can do that except the road and the contact your tires make with the road (translation: if you live in an area with significant snow, strongly consider getting good snow tires). It's improving your odds of retaining steering control in a scenario where you suddenly lose it.

Johnny L.A. 12-28-2017 11:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by robardin (Post 20689387)
That's not a "warning light" that you have to do something, but an indicator that the Traction Control system has engaged. It is there to (try to) save your butt from bad driving practices by Doing the Right Thing that most people aren't trained to do reflexively.

My point was that I already know I've lost traction before the light comes on. I don't need a light to tell me. (And there are times when I want to accelerate quickly, knowing that there might be six or seven pieces of gravel in the road that will cause a momentary loss of traction. In these cases, I know that the loss of traction would be resolved in less time than the time it takes for the TCS to disengage and re-engage.)

wolfman 12-28-2017 11:58 AM

Well the first thing I thought when the slippy light popped on for the first time was, "Oh Shit Swerve now, someone is about to hit you". My second was "Which way? How the hell does that light help me?" My third was "I'm pretty sure this car didn't come with any accident detection/avoidance crap."

Johnny L.A. 12-28-2017 02:25 PM

Well, I've managed to pull another boner.

I've mentioned before that this old house is a funky old house. The bathroom is no different. It's tiny. The toilet seat has been loose for a while. Mrs. L.A.'s arms and hands are small enough to reach between the bathtub and the toilet bowl, but mine aren't. It's basically impossible for me to tighten the seat bolt on that side. And I have to lay on the floor to get to the other one. Since Mrs. L.A. hasn't tightened the seat, I decided I would take whatever steps necessary to do it.

I went out to the hardware store to find a deep socket that would fit the four-eared nylon nut. My socket sets are not handy, so I got another ratchet drive and an extension. The problem I knew was coming was that the only socket that fit the nut was too short for the bolt. I'll have to remove the seat and cut the nylon bolt. Almost $40 later I'm ready to start the job.

I could reach between the tub and the toilet enough to unscrew the nut. (There's just no room for me to get in there with a wrench. Fortunately, the nut was finger-tight.) I blind-marked where the nut was with a Sharpie so that I'd know where to cut the bolt. I'm unscrewing and unscrewing and unscrewing... Man those are fine threads! Then I realised the bolt was turning. :dubious: I look at the top of the hinges. Hm. There seem to be covers that open. They're like the ones on the old seat (on the old toilet) that allow you to easily snap the seat off for cleaning. I know the new seat doesn't have a quick-removal feature. I open the caps... They cover the bolts. The bolts that have a slot on top. A slot that a screwdriver will fit into. :smack:

I remove the seat and give it a nice cleaning (Why not?), and then put it back onto the toilet. I hold the tight-side nut with my fingers while I screw the bolt in from its head. I repeat on the other side. And then simply use a screwdriver to make them nice and tight. No need to get into a tight space with a crescent wrench, and no need to do any cutting and using my new socket, extension, and driver. :rolleyes:

robardin 12-28-2017 03:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Johnny L.A. (Post 20689460)
My point was that I already know I've lost traction before the light comes on. I don't need a light to tell me. (And there are times when I want to accelerate quickly, knowing that there might be six or seven pieces of gravel in the road that will cause a momentary loss of traction. In these cases, I know that the loss of traction would be resolved in less time than the time it takes for the TCS to disengage and re-engage.)

The idea of those lights is that if you lose traction, and the light DOESN'T come on, that there is something wrong with the system that maybe you should get looked at.

On the other hand, if the car itself detects a problem with the TCS or ABS, the way it usually works is that they light up briefly during starting the car as they self-diagnose, and then stay lit if there is a malfunction.

So yeah. "If it comes on and stays on when you're still in your garage, that's a problem; if it wasn't on but then comes on when there's a problem as it occurs, that's a good thing; but wasn't on and then doesn't come on if you lose traction, that's a problem" is not the most elegant way to communicate to the driver.

robardin 12-28-2017 03:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Johnny L.A. (Post 20689924)
The toilet seat has been loose for a while. ... It's basically impossible for me to tighten the seat bolt on that side. ...

I went out to the hardware store to find a deep socket that would fit the four-eared nylon nut. My socket sets are not handy, so I got another ratchet drive and an extension.

... I look at the top of the hinges. Hm. There seem to be covers that open.

... I open the caps... They cover the bolts. The bolts that have a slot on top. A slot that a screwdriver will fit into. :smack:

You are not alone in this, my friend. Not. Alone.

Dropo 12-28-2017 08:44 PM

We - mom, brother and I - were going to see Last Jedi today. I drove us in mom's Volvo. I was looking for a parking place near the theater, saw one on the other side of the street and unwisely turned into a tiny driveway to turn around. On backing up, the car went off the curb, smashing the radiator. Result? No movie, a 20 or so minute wait for a tow truck, a 15 mile or so drive to the mechanic and the first-ever Uber ride home for mom and I.

Everyone makes mistakes, but what hurts the most is that it was all avoidable with just a little more care. Instead, I feel like shit.

snfaulkner 12-28-2017 08:46 PM

Wait, how do you smash the radiator by backing up?

Dropo 12-28-2017 09:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by snfaulkner (Post 20690544)
Wait, how do you smash the radiator by backing up?

"On backing up, the car went off the curb, smashing the radiator."

Radiator fluid all over the street. At least I didn't have to clean it up.

snfaulkner 12-28-2017 09:06 PM

The drop off the curb smashed the radiator? How big was the curb?

Dropo 12-28-2017 09:11 PM

Big enough, apparently.

I did not look to see how big a hole was made. Fluid was still draining when the car was being put on the flatbed tow truck. Perhaps I should have written the radiator received a thumping, as opposed to implying the whole unit was smashed.

snfaulkner 12-28-2017 09:18 PM

I've clipped enough curbs and popped many a tire, so I know curbs can be dicks. But radiator thumping is a new one I never would have thought to attribute to them.

Cartooniverse 12-29-2017 06:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by robardin (Post 20690137)
You are not alone in this, my friend. Not. Alone.

No kidding. Count me in this small club as well. I'm six foot two and a fairly big guy and I tortured myself trying to do exactly what you did. When I found out there was a screwdriver slot on the top I about wept.

Sent from my SM-N910V using Tapatalk

JKellyMap 12-29-2017 12:09 PM

20 years ago, while volunteering for a conservation and rural development organization in Mexico, I was in charge of surveying property lines in the tropical rain forest for some villagers. My assistant (a local teenager) and I had to make stakes (to mark the boundary) by cutting small trees with our machetes. We whittled a sharp point at one end of each stake, to easily pound it into the ground.

One day, the kid was standing about 30 feet away from me. To save the few seconds it would take to walk over to him, I tossed him a stake I'd just made. Instant javelin! Man, that thing flew. It struck him in the mouth, just above his upper lip. Poked through, bounced off his teeth.

We walked out of the jungle and drove to the clinic in the one town, nearly an hour away. A few stitches, and he was okay (probably still has a little scar). But man, was that stupid of me. I could easily have blinded him, even killed him.

Sigmagirl 12-29-2017 10:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by teela brown (Post 20670126)
I've posted this one before.

I once craved some homemade pasta, and spent a long time making the dough, kneading it, rolling it out, and cutting it into narrow tagliatelle. It cooked up beautifully, and I poured it out carefully into a colander in the sink. When I lifted up the colander to give it a toss or two to help drain it, I lost my grip and the colander flipped neatly over and the whole mass of hot pasta slithered down into the dirty garbage disposal.

Since I had some good sauce ready, I had to cook up some dry pasta out of the cupboard for dinner that night. It just wasn't the same.

Not me but my mother-in-law: She was making chicken soup, and went to strain out all the chicken bones and vegetables. She put a colander in the sink, and poured in the broth. Right down the drain.

If it had been me, I wouldnít have told anybody.

Noel Prosequi 12-31-2017 05:00 PM

I love this thread. It serves as a corrective to the tendency to prematurely self-diagnose senility.

My chicken stock story is teeth-grindingly infuriating. I was with some mates on our annual fishing trip, which tends to get a little gourmet. So I went to hours of trouble to make a stock, and left it in a pot in the sink to cool so that I could more easily skim fat later.

Mate comes along and pours the lot out thinking it was just soaking water from cleaning the pot. I was a tiny bit furious. But apparently it was my fault, because (insert bullshit here). Still shitty.

To another dopey moment (this time my fault). The institution for which I work has a number of campuses, and once a week I have to travel to one in another town about an hour away. The organisation provides a work car for such occasions that are accessed by a phone app that remotely locks the car, as an added process in addition to the keys.

So I finish up at the distant campus (by which time it is dark) and return to the car park, where I spot my car from the others nearby still parked there. I proceed to unlock it by pressing the appropriate button on the keys. The locks go thunk, and out of the corner of my eye I see the parking lights flash. But the car doesn't open when I pull on the door handle. Odd. I try again, several times. Same result.

So I figure it must be something to do with the fancy phone app. I use it. Hear the appropriate thunk, still no action with the handle. I try using the key and the app in various combinations in case one is overriding the other. I finally give up in disgust, drafting a Sharply Worded Letter in my head to vehicle admin, and trying to work out just how fancy a hotel I can get away with staying in and still get reimbursed for, to quell my techno-rage.

Eventually, I call security in order to be able to prove I am not an idiot in order to justify reimbursement. I can't be an idiot. I have two fancy titles that are socially accepted heuristic indicators for Smart Guy.

So security arrives. I show him what I am doing, and how the car won't open.

He watches, then immediately spots the problem. I am trying to open the wrong car. My actual car is immediately next to the one I am trying to open, and the thunks and light flashes are coming from it, but in my righteous certainty that I have the correct car, I did not notice this. Turns out the registration numbers (which I thought I had checked when I first approached the wrong car) are very similar because whole batches of these commuter cars are bought in bulk, so they commonly have sequential numbers.

The security guard did not quite have a good enough poker face to conceal his glee. He was polite and professional, but I caught a glimpse of that primordial joy that comes to those who, notwithstanding having a workaday job, manage to out-clever the Smart Guy.

The humiliation still burns.


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