Straight Dope Message Board

Straight Dope Message Board (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/index.php)
-   Mundane Pointless Stuff I Must Share (MPSIMS) (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/forumdisplay.php?f=4)
-   -   "Say dammit, Daddy," A Preschooler's Knows When To Swear (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=674751)

TokyoBayer 12-07-2012 06:57 AM

"Say dammit, Daddy," A Preschooler's Knows When To Swear
 
I'm only sort of late getting our Christmas tree up. Considering all what's happening, it's not bad.

I get the tree out of the box and start to put it together. And drop something. My four-year-old, Beta-chan, looks up and says "Say dammit, Daddy." Except it's "dannit" so I'm not quite sure what she means. I give her an enquiringly look and she says, "You dropped it, so say 'dannit.'"

Ah, yes. One must swear when one drops things. At least Grandma wasn't there to overhear.

leahcim 12-07-2012 07:09 AM

A colleague of mine had an adorable three-year-old daughter who learned, from Daddy, that when you trip you say "puta" (the family is Spanish-speaking). I thought it was hilarious. Mommy did not.

Loach 12-07-2012 09:37 AM

My friend's daughter calls other kids "grass mole" when they do things she doesn't like.

TriPolar 12-07-2012 09:43 AM

I made sure to teach my kids how to curse properly. I didn't want them picking it up on a street corner.

thatguyjeff 12-07-2012 11:27 AM

I curse way too much around my kids and I'm surprised that they haven't picked it up themselves.

The 7 yo knows what's up. And he's really good about not swearing. The 2 yo - still too young to understand. She mimics me sometimes, but not all that often.

Maus Magill 12-07-2012 03:29 PM

When Fang was three, he had a toy work bench. He would bang on the nails and shout, "Crap!"

<bang> <bang> <bang> Crap!
<bang> <bang> <bang> Crap!
<bang> <bang> <bang> Crap!

He mother and I still chuckle about it.

Amateur Barbarian 12-07-2012 03:34 PM

I recall my younger sister playing in the sandbox at about 3. Her castle fell over. In the sweetest My-Little-Pony voice imaginable came, "Oh, shit." Perfect cadence and inflection. My dad got to practice his poker face on that one.

Then, of course, there's the old joke where the mother drives the little kids to school one day, something the father usually does. After a few minutes, one pipes up, "Mommy, where are all the sunsabitches that are on the road when daddy drives?"

Yllaria 12-07-2012 03:35 PM

There's a story claiming that a friend of a friend's kid was five before he figured out that the think that Mommy used a lot was really called a sewing machine and not whore.

April R 12-07-2012 03:39 PM

My son says "Oh Shoot Nuggets!" when he is frustrated about something. He's 5. I think it's cute. Him and his twin sister started saying "Oh My Gawd" a while back and we told them we didn't like them saying that, so they can say "Oh my Gosh" They said they would say "Oh Motherbear!" instead. They got that one from their dad, LOL.

FatBaldGuy 12-07-2012 03:49 PM

My wife is fond of saying that she was 12 years old before she realized that her father's first name was not "Dammit George."

Sahirrnee 12-07-2012 05:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Yllaria (Post 15773485)
There's a story claiming that a friend of a friend's kid was five before he figured out that the think that Mommy used a lot was really called a sewing machine and not whore.

My mother had to correct me before I started school because I thought they were called 'damnflies'.

When my sister was little she would get mad and say oh h-i-t. She thought she was spelling shit. My mother forgot to correct that before my sister started school.

TokyoBayer 12-07-2012 05:27 PM

At four, Beta-chan is starting to put the world together better and better. We can talk loudly in the park but not the restaurant. We need to wash hands because there are germs and we don't like germs because they make us sick.

She doesn't always follow it, but the world is getting logical.

So if you drop something, you need to say "Dannit." Makes sense to me.

ducati 12-07-2012 06:35 PM

Yeah, but have any of you been notified by your daycare that your 6yo daughter called someone a motherfucker?

Straightfaced, I asked if she used it correctly, while mom just buried her face in her hands.

Eureka 12-07-2012 07:01 PM

A friend of mine had an eight-year-old who had a class fieldtrip to Safety City--where the kids get to "drive" around and obey traffic lights.

Child got at least one cooling off period, "added" a horn to her vehicle, and said a number of amusing and generally not quite profane things --"the light isn't getting any greener, lady".

Teacher tells friend, trying not to laugh. Friend says "I'll have to talk to my husband about that"--trying hard to imply that the husband was the impatient driver in the family.

Teacher "Oh, does daddy have a New Yawk accent, too?"

Um, No. Mom's busted.

Same friend's younger son figured out the perfect cussword--Jackhole. You see, you take the front half of jackass and add it to the back half of asshole, and there are no actual cusswords, so you won't get in trouble for saying it.

He was quickly disabused of this notion. Mom's allowed to cuss, the kids aren't.

Maserschmidt 12-07-2012 07:08 PM

When my son was three he got in my truck and said "this place is a fucking mess!" I wish I could blame someone else for that one. :eek:

Dr. Girlfriend 12-07-2012 08:27 PM

My mom was babysitting my four-year-old niece. Niece wanted sausage for breakfast but Mom didn't have any.

Niece lets out a dramatic sigh and says, "No sausage? Dammit!"

Mom's trying not to laugh. Mom says, "Only grownups can say dammit."

Niece: "No dammit?"

Mom: "No, no dammit 'til you're older."

Niece: (another dramatic sigh) "OK..."

OldGuy 12-08-2012 05:54 PM

When our son was born we lived in Chicago. We visited his grandmother in Wisconsin quite a bit. We moved to Connecticut coast when he was five where the winters are quite a bit milder. He informed his classmates that winter wasn't "freezin' ass cold" like back at his old home.

phouka 12-10-2012 08:40 AM

Family story, at least four generations old now, of an adorable little girl who often wandered over to a nearby construction site. The workers there made a pet of her, and she ran small errands for them. The foreman even cut her a very small check, which she and her mother took to the bank to deposit for her.

The teller struck up a conversation with the little girl.

"You must be a big help."
"Oh, I am!"
"Do you think they'll finished the building soon?"
"Sure! As soon as they get the fucking bricks!"

Guinastasia 12-10-2012 05:45 PM

I'll never forget the Christmas Eve when my two-year-old cousin spilled her drink and said, "Aw thit!"


And I never heard my dad say "dammit!" when he was putting up the Christmas tree. It was more like, "Motherfucking piece of shit! Why won't this fucking thing stay up, dammit!"

Of course, when I repeated what he said, I got my mouth washed out with soap.

Spiderman 12-10-2012 07:34 PM

My cousin was in the backseat of the car & said, "Damburs, look at the damburs". Trouble is no one could figure out what damburs were. Eventually realized they were those things that you might feed some seed in the back yard, fly in the sky & oh, yeah, crap on your car.

Mama Zappa 12-10-2012 08:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TokyoBayer (Post 15771678)
I'm only sort of late getting our Christmas tree up. Considering all what's happening, it's not bad.

I get the tree out of the box and start to put it together. And drop something. My four-year-old, Beta-chan, looks up and says "Say dammit, Daddy." Except it's "dannit" so I'm not quite sure what she means. I give her an enquiringly look and she says, "You dropped it, so say 'dannit.'"

Ah, yes. One must swear when one drops things. At least Grandma wasn't there to overhear.

:::snicker:::

Back when Dweezil was a toddler, he was very good at picking up vocabulary and using it appropriately. So we were forced to make a very concerted effort to retrain ourselves.

One day, I was carrying something upstairs, and it was precariously perched on a pile of other stuff I was carrying, and I sorta *knew* it was doing to fall. When it did, I restrained myself and managed to keep it to "golly" or something like that.

Dweezil, very helpfully, chimed in with "Gah Damit". :smack::o

Battle Pope 12-10-2012 08:09 PM

My wife & I tend to use different curse words, so we know who gets the blame when one of the boys repeats something.

When mini-Pope #1 was about 2 1/2 he was sitting in the corner trying to put do a puzzle and, with ever mounting frustration, I heard "Dammit, bastard thing" - so that one was mine. :D

furdmort 12-11-2012 04:55 AM

My wife is German (we life in Germany) and I am American. I speak English with the kids and she speaks German with the kids. It is always obvious where the kids get their cuss words...


When our daughter was about three, my wife was asking her the names of various things in English. That is, my wife would ask (in German) my daughter to say the English word for some common things in the house. When they got to our cat, my wife says (in German) "And what is katze in English?" to which my daughter replied "Stupid hairball." With a perfect american accent. :cool::D

Mama Zappa 12-11-2012 07:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FatBaldGuy (Post 15773531)
My wife is fond of saying that she was 12 years old before she realized that her father's first name was not "Dammit George."

Famous Bill Cosby routine - he thought his name was "Jeeeeee-zus Christ!" because every time his father saw him he'd yell that. "My brother Russell thought his name was Dammit!".

One day his father saw him, yelled "Dammit, get over here!". "No dad, I'm Jesus Christ".

"I don't remember much of the rest of that day".

Mona Lisa Simpson 12-11-2012 09:15 AM

Since we moved to Vancouver this last year we have become consumers of public transportation. My son wanted to pull the bell on the bus, so I told him I would tell him when we could ring the bell.

A block and a half from our stop I said "Ding it"

M looks at me. "Ding it!"

Another stare, and a glancing around. "Ding the bell!"

"Oh. I Didnt know you meant for me to pull the cord! I thought you were pretend swearing!"

:dubious: :D :smack:


"Ding it!" has now entered our family lexicon.

Soylent Juicy 12-11-2012 10:05 AM

When my friend's daughter was about 3 she asked for some milk.

Friend: "Sorry, honey, we're out of milk - would you like some juice instead?"

Friend's kid: "For fuck's sake."

Friend: "WHAT did you say?!!"

Friend's kid, in that adorable little-girl voice: "I say fuck's sake?"

Friend: "No, no you do not say that....."

Irishman 12-12-2012 01:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Yllaria (Post 15773485)
There's a story claiming that a friend of a friend's kid was five before he figured out that the think that Mommy used a lot was really called a sewing machine and not whore.

I'm not sure I follow the etymology.


Quote:

Originally Posted by Eureka (Post 15774138)
Same friend's younger son figured out the perfect cussword--Jackhole. You see, you take the front half of jackass and add it to the back half of asshole, and there are no actual cusswords, so you won't get in trouble for saying it.

I kinda got annoyed with that commercial about the drill sargeant therapist who calls his patient a "jackwagon". It's one of those words that sounds kinda like a dirty word but isn't really anything. But my nephew picked it up, probably because his father found that commercial funny. So he'd go around repeating that line from the commercial. *sigh* Not horrible, just tiring.

TriPolar 12-12-2012 01:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Irishman (Post 15789961)
I'm not sure I follow the etymology.

I assumed that's what she shouted at the sewing machine. If not, I'm not getting it either.

gnoitall 12-12-2012 03:37 PM

The joys of parenthood.

I was shocked, appalled, and thrilled to hear my then-two-year-old son sigh, shake his head, and mutter "Shit..." when he made a mistake (in his opinion) coloring his coloring book.

Idiomatic, semantically-correct use of a conditional interjection? At the age of two! What a kid!

(On reflection, it turns out that this particular style of swearing is more his mother's... particularly the sigh and head-shaking.) :D

Yllaria 12-12-2012 05:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TriPolar (Post 15789993)
I assumed that's what she shouted at the sewing machine. If not, I'm not getting it either.

Probably with a you in front of it: "You whore!" Mommy was into medieval costuming. Regular sewing machines aren't really made to handle some costuming needs.

Toxgoddess 12-12-2012 08:28 PM

My darling three-year-old daughter, playing with her Fisher Price cars on the living room floor. Talking to herself, pretending to be the drivers, "Go, you asshole. Get going, you moron."

Daddy worked nights then, and he tended to be an impatient driver when there were other cars on the road.

Yoyodyne Propulsion Systems 12-13-2012 06:12 AM

My neighbors some years back had their four year old in Sunday school at a Southern Baptist church, she got up mid class to go to the drinking fountain, teacher asked where she was headed. The reply was "going out back for a smoke and a beer"

Hello parent teacher conference...

DirkGntly 12-13-2012 09:53 AM

My son, at age three, when asked by his mother where I was, replied, "He's on the damn couch." Perfect inflection, and everything. I didn't stay on the couch long after that...

My daughter, when she was in 2nd grade at a parochial school, was called in for saying, "Move your butt out of my way." We were called in, too. They told us they would prefer that she didn't use the word, "butt." I said, "Well, it's a shortened form of the proper word, 'buttocks' - would you prefer she'd used a vulgarity like, 'ass' instead?" The looks on their faces were priceless.

ekedolphin 12-13-2012 12:25 PM

Thanks to the bad influence of a couple of my friends, I went from not swearing at all to being quite vulgar in a very short span of time, culminating with the time when one of those said friends screwed me over and I left a profanity-filled "fuck off" message on his answering machine.

His mother called my uncle, who was babysitting me at the time, and replayed the entire message for him. Oops.

I was much older than preschool, though. Say, age ten or so.

the Lady 12-13-2012 02:42 PM

I have a three year old who quite often whips out the "Jesus Christ!" when something doesn't go his way - though his father has tried to limit the damage somewhat by insisting it's "cheese and rice!"

And one of the teachers at daycare was furious with my two year old, darling girl who would say "whatever" with exactly the right intonation, in exactly the right circumstances. What was even funnier was when the teacher "tattled" to the head of the daycare (seriously, who does that?) the head was like "oh yeah - she's been doing that since she was 15 months old" Snicker. Bad Daddy.

cher3 12-13-2012 02:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by the Lady (Post 15793891)
I have a three year old who quite often whips out the "Jesus Christ!" when something doesn't go his way - though his father has tried to limit the damage somewhat by insisting it's "cheese and rice!"

When my daughter was about a year and a half old she had a babysitter who was an older, overweight, and somewhat arthritic Portuguese woman. Once, when my daughter plopped down on the floor to play with some toys at home, she gave a big sigh and said "Ay! Jesus!" with a perfect Portuguese accent. (Zhe-zoosh!)

Big Fat Harry Deal 12-13-2012 10:13 PM

Once when my niece was about three, she was showing me her little plastic people, and held up two of them together, exclaiming "look, the man kiss the other man's ass!" She'd been listening to her dad way too much.

sbunny8 12-14-2012 06:07 PM

When I was in college, I was at a professor's house and I tried to say something about a cute figurine "sitting on a shelf" but it came out of my mouth "shitting on itself". His two young toddler daughters were standing right there and heard me say it. I decided to pretend the whole thing never happened.

Noodles Fellicini 12-14-2012 07:36 PM

My niece (let's call her) Laurie, at approximately four years of age, was an adorable little child with red ringlets and a dimpled grin. Her equally adorable sister (um) Shelly, was a year younger, and the family had two new dachshund puppies.

Things were a little hectic as my sister was wrangling with bath time. Both kids had been taken out of the tub and dried off, but then Shelly had a little "accident". One of the puppies running around the bathroom had also had an "accident" and it finally got to be a bit much for my sister. She was kneeling, tending to Shelly, and quietly began to cry. Laurie patted her on the back and said, ever so solicitously, "That's okay Momma, you're having a bad fuckin' day."

SandyHook 12-17-2012 01:55 PM

About thirty years ago I was at a friend's house. His two year old daughter looked out the window to see Ms Hook parking my truck out front. She pointed and informed her father, "SandyHook's fuck."

My friend, who's only been known to use damn, or bullshit a couple of times in the thirty-five years I've know him, was a little embarrassed and quickly informed me that they were working on her t's.

I pointed out that she could have been pointing at Ms Hook.

My friend, who's always been extremely supportive of his children, jumped on that and said, "Good, Ann, that's very good."

cwthree 12-17-2012 03:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SandyHook (Post 15806676)
About thirty years ago I was at a friend's house. His two year old daughter looked out the window to see Ms Hook parking my truck out front. She pointed and informed her father, "SandyHook's fuck."

My friend, who's only been known to use damn, or bullshit a couple of times in the thirty-five years I've know him, was a little embarrassed and quickly informed me that they were working on her t's.

I pointed out that she could have been pointing at Ms Hook.

My friend, who's always been extremely supportive of his children, jumped on that and said, "Good, Ann, that's very good."

Which reminds me of WordMan's wonderful incident here.

Battle Pope 12-17-2012 03:54 PM

My then 3 year-old nephew loved a character called Plucka Duck.

I was out shopping with him & my sister one Christmas and a nice elderly lady running the checkout spotted his Pluka Duck T-shirt and asked him who he wanted to be when he grew up.

Of course he yelled "Fuck a Duck" in that carrying way that only an exited child can manage.

TokyoBayer 12-17-2012 05:13 PM

This came up again yesterday. So I asked her what "dammit" means. With all the seriousness of a four-year-old, she said, "you dropped something."

Good thing we don't drive much over here so she'd learn more vocabulary words.

Pine Fresh Scent 12-21-2012 09:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mama Zappa (Post 15784691)
Famous Bill Cosby routine - he thought his name was "Jeeeeee-zus Christ!" because every time his father saw him he'd yell that. "My brother Russell thought his name was Dammit!".

One day his father saw him, yelled "Dammit, get over here!". "No dad, I'm Jesus Christ".

"I don't remember much of the rest of that day".

"So we moved to a new neighborhood and the kids asked me, they said 'What's your name?'
'I'm Jesus Christ.'
'Your name ain't no Jesus Christ.'
'Come to my house, I'll prove it.'
So they followed me home, and my dad walked into the living room. There were forty kids hanging out in the living room.
'Jeeeeee-zus Christ!'"

Hal Briston 12-23-2012 10:47 AM

The Littest Briston sounds off on the topic...

terentii 12-23-2012 12:08 PM

I had my 14-month-old daughter with me for a long weekend (she was just starting to talk, but was normally very, very quiet).

I carried her into the kitchen on Friday morning, only to find that the fridge had shut itself off during the night and the floor was flooded with melted ice water. Very loudly, I said "Goddammit!"

Sunday afternoon, I took her back to her mom's after attending church. We were sitting in the living room chatting while she ran around playing. Finally, she took a huge leap through the air and shouted "GODDAMMIT!"

Loudly, with absolutely perfect diction and intonation. You'd have sworn there was another adult in the room.

I was shocked (open-mouthed); her mom thought it was really funny and couldn't stop laughing.

The baby laughed too, though she wasn't quite sure why she should. I think she was proud of herself for having learned a new word.

I can't help thinking it would have been 1,000 times funnier if she had shouted it in church....


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 03:00 PM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.

Send questions for Cecil Adams to: cecil@chicagoreader.com

Send comments about this website to: webmaster@straightdope.com

Terms of Use / Privacy Policy

Advertise on the Straight Dope!
(Your direct line to thousands of the smartest, hippest people on the planet, plus a few total dipsticks.)

Publishers - interested in subscribing to the Straight Dope?
Write to: sdsubscriptions@chicagoreader.com.

Copyright 2013 Sun-Times Media, LLC.