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Flyer 12-27-2016 05:24 PM

Bad weddings and warning signs
 
There's a thread on Reddit about marriages that ended in divorce, and the red flags for the aforementioned marriages (most of which popped up very early indeed).

A few of the gems:

At the rehearsal dinner, the groom's mom is in tears, because "he looks miserable" and he was, we all knew it. During the vows they had written for each other, the bride starts with "I know I can be a pretty terrible person, and I don't know why you've stuck around, but that's all going to change starting today!"

The groom's vows:
"Dear Bride, we've had our ups and downs -- mostly downs -- "

Groom mashed the cake into the (pregnant) brides face so hard she went down backwards. Groom and his father ended up fist fighting in the bathroom, cops were called, fun times....

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/c..._you_know_the/

Ethilrist 12-27-2016 05:50 PM

One of my brothers gave us less than 24 hours notice that he was getting married at city hall. Didn't last.

Baker 12-27-2016 06:11 PM

I had a coworker tell me about how, before one wedding, the mother of the groom was picking on the bride in the reception area. The MOTG got so pissed she went over to the wedding cake and punched it, causing a lot of damage. The baker tried togo for the MOTG but was held back. When the FOTG was called his first words, about his wife, were "What has she done now?"

That poor bride, I wonder how the groom did. The mother was allowed to attend the wedding, but not the reception.

panache45 12-27-2016 06:33 PM

Sometimes you never know.

She was less than five feet tall and morbidly obese. He was well over six feet tall and skinny as a toothpick. He had been born with a hair lip that was never corrected, even though his father was a surgeon. He was also learning disabled. His father did everything he could to prevent them from marrying. Her father had a heart attack during the rehearsal dinner. Coming down the aisle, she became tangled in her gown, nearly ripping it entirely off. At the reception she leaned on a table, which collapsed, bringing down both the bride and the wedding cake. He didn't help her up.

The marriage was never consummated, because he had no idea what sex was.

The marriage lasted thirty years, until she died of complications of her obesity.

AngelSoft 12-27-2016 07:56 PM

My own experience, I was already having doubts before my wedding. The fact that I was utterly miserable to whole time, forcing myself to smile probably should have been a hint. Then my husband choosing to go out drinking with his friends after the reception rather than coming home with me didn't really bode well either. We lasted 3 months.

Aspenglow 12-27-2016 08:45 PM

Probably the swankiest and easily the most expensive wedding I ever attended was one of those.

It was a weekend affair on Catalina Island, everyone invited to both the rehearsal dinner and the wedding. All costs borne by the families. The actual wedding was held at the Yacht's Club.

The bride had to be tranqued in order to drag her, crying, down the aisle after an embarrassingly lengthy delay, during which the guests were invited to enjoy the open bar. Vows were quickly made, we enjoyed a dazzling repast, drank like Irish playwrights and danced the night away.

The couple separated after less than 48 hours.

nearwildheaven 12-27-2016 09:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by panache45 (Post 19880943)
Sometimes you never know.

She was less than five feet tall and morbidly obese. He was well over six feet tall and skinny as a toothpick. He had been born with a hair lip that was never corrected, even though his father was a surgeon. He was also learning disabled. His father did everything he could to prevent them from marrying. Her father had a heart attack during the rehearsal dinner. Coming down the aisle, she became tangled in her gown, nearly ripping it entirely off. At the reception she leaned on a table, which collapsed, bringing down both the bride and the wedding cake. He didn't help her up.

The marriage was never consummated, because he had no idea what sex was.

The marriage lasted thirty years, until she died of complications of her obesity.

Did you know these people personally?

I've known couples who didn't seem to like each other very much, and they got married anyway. :(

Velocity 12-27-2016 09:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by panache45 (Post 19880943)
Sometimes you never know.

She was less than five feet tall and morbidly obese. He was well over six feet tall and skinny as a toothpick. He had been born with a hair lip that was never corrected, even though his father was a surgeon. He was also learning disabled. His father did everything he could to prevent them from marrying. Her father had a heart attack during the rehearsal dinner. Coming down the aisle, she became tangled in her gown, nearly ripping it entirely off. At the reception she leaned on a table, which collapsed, bringing down both the bride and the wedding cake. He didn't help her up.

The marriage was never consummated, because he had no idea what sex was.

The marriage lasted thirty years, until she died of complications of her obesity.

Why?

.........Why??

Shoeless 12-27-2016 09:45 PM

I was in the wedding for a friend from college. The bride and two of her bridesmaids went out and got drunk the morning of the wedding. Nobody knew where they were and they were over an hour late to the wedding. The two drunk bridesmaids wound up getting dressed in each other's dresses (you could tell by looking at them that the dresses didn't fit them right). The father of the bride told my friend just before the wedding finally started, "You know, if you wanted to call it off, I'd understand." They went through with it, but it was over in a few short years.

panache45 12-27-2016 09:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nearwildheaven (Post 19881184)
Did you know these people personally?

The bride was my first cousin; I was in their wedding party.

ENugent 12-27-2016 11:10 PM

My brother-in-law and his wife were unable to agree on a style for their wedding album, so they made two. (One with more formal pictures lined up on each page, and one that was more free-form and scrapbook-y.) They were divorced in less than a year. At least they didn't have to decide who got to keep the wedding album.

t-bonham@scc.net 12-28-2016 02:03 AM

My brother worked for a while as a wedding photographer. He pushed real hard to sell 2 copies of their photto album, offering a real discount. He sold it as "one to lend out to your families, and one for you to keep safe at home".

But it was really so there were 2 copies when they split up.

He was sick of them coming to him, asking him to dig out the negatives from a few years ago, reprint the pictures from them for me, ... oh, and can you cut him/his family out of them? And then being real upset when he charged them for his time in doing all of that.

Gatopescado 12-28-2016 02:43 AM

Bad weddings and warning signs

Pregnant Bridesmaids, all with glossy eyes.

don't ask 12-28-2016 07:34 AM

A girl who went to my high school married her boyfriend when she became pregnant to him. They were 16 or 17 and their families forced them to marry. During the wedding reception the groom and one of the bridesmaids jumped in a car and disappeared interstate. They didn't surface again for weeks and by then the marriage was over. Mind you this was back in 1970, before mobile data and social media, when disappearing was easy.

msmith537 12-28-2016 09:03 AM

I found that pretty much 100% of my friends who married strippers ended up divorced.

It's actually a surprisingly high number.



They are still together, but I described one wedding as "like Forest and Jenny's wedding from Forest Gump"...
SPOILER:

Like watching a retard marry an AIDS infested crack whore.





Most of the ones that ended in divorce, I could just tell because the groom looked like a giant douche.

Dangerosa 12-28-2016 09:40 AM

In the town I grew up in when I was still in high school "Brian" and "Becky" got engaged. The wedding was set for a year, and then Becky discovered him sleeping with "Carol" and broke it off. They got back together and the wedding went off as planned....until six month pregnant Carol walked into the reception, starting a fistfight between the father of the bride and the groom - which turned into a brawl.

My first wedding had a book on how long it would last. My first husband wasn't a fan of monogamy. I made the woman's mistake of thinking that he'd change. He didn't - eighteen months.

kayaker 12-28-2016 09:59 AM

I was with a bunch of guys at a bar, when one of the guys began getting texts from a woman who was out celebrating the night before her wedding. She wanted to meet him to "say goodbye".

She showed up a short time later and they "said goodbye" for twenty minutes in her car. After, she came in, did a shot, then offered to "say goodbye" to any/all of us (one at a time). One guy took her up on it.

The groom found out from one of the bridesmaids (who was present for the entire thing) the day after the wedding. Despite all this, the wedding lasted a year.

Amateur Barbarian 12-28-2016 10:08 AM

The wedding was a flawless, modest-budget event on the sands of Point Reyes. However, the bride going into full-scale meltdown when asked, at the jeweler's, if she wanted a completely new wedding ring or a piece that would "lock into" the engagement ring, should have been noted. Marriage lasted just over a year, for some values of "year."

Chronos 12-28-2016 10:43 AM

One of my cousins has terrible taste in women. I don't remember much about his first wife, which marriage ended when it came out that the kid wasn't his. His second wife, though, for me the biggest warning sign was when he brought her home to meet the family for the first time, she refused to hug anyone. We're a very huggy family, and I knew that anyone who didn't wouldn't fit in with us.

On the "you never can tell" count, his brother got engaged to a dancer (no, not "exotic") and married her about six months after they met. Everyone rolled their eyes when they heard about that one... but that was about a decade and a half and two kids ago, and they're still madly in love with each other

TriPolar 12-28-2016 10:47 AM

When the groom says to me before the wedding: "This wouldn't be a good time to mention my three previous marriages to anyone, they don't know yet".

Flyer 12-28-2016 01:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by msmith537 (Post 19881814)
I found that pretty much 100% of my friends who married strippers ended up divorced.

It's actually a surprisingly high number.

You must run in pretty interesting circles. I don't anyone who even dated a stripper, must less actually married one.

stillownedbysetters 12-28-2016 04:00 PM

I have a friend who hit thirty and hadn't 'caught a man'. After she had been dumped by the latest in a string of guys, her mother introduced her to a friend's son who had recently been left at the altar. These two sad, humbled, people realized they had each finally found someone who wanted to be married. They didn't care if they knew each other or liked each other, much the less loved each other. But a wedding quickly ensued.

After the shindig was over, we wedding attendants all got together for drinks. We spent a sad evening making bets on how long the marriage would last. It lasted 5 months, mostly because they both wanted it to work so badly.

So I would say that if your wedding attendants are taking bets on how short your marriage wI'll be, that is probably a clue that you haven't found your soul mate.

To cap it all off, the bride got a massive case of hives on the honeymoon.

nearwildheaven 12-28-2016 06:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kayaker (Post 19881927)
Despite all this, the wedding lasted a year.

Wow! That must have been some wedding!

:D

nearwildheaven 12-28-2016 06:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Flyer (Post 19882466)
You must run in pretty interesting circles. I don't anyone who even dated a stripper, must less actually married one.

When we were all in our mid-20s, I dated a man (J) who was good friends with a man (M) I knew from school, where we were in several activities together. M was a HS teacher, and had lamented to J that he was having a lot of trouble meeting women. J was brutally honest and told him, "Your social life consists of hanging out in strip clubs. You're probably not going to meet many women there." :o Around this same time, M had struck up a friendship with a stripper and was thinking about asking her for a date. J replied, "You're a teacher. She's a stripper. Think about it." Which M did, and he didn't ask her out.

I found out via Facebook that M finally married in his mid 40s and had a son a couple years later. IDK what happened to J.

silenus 12-28-2016 06:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stillownedbysetters (Post 19882735)
So I would say that if your wedding attendants are taking bets on how short your marriage wI'll be, that is probably a clue that you haven't found your soul mate.

Agreed. I was Best Man for a friend from high school and as such, was in charge of the book. You knew things were doomed when family members were placing bets along with the ushers and bridesmaids.

Kzbre5m 12-28-2016 07:13 PM

Speaking of taking bets.

blondebear 12-28-2016 07:27 PM

My friend likes to tell the story of being Maid of Honor at her best friend's wedding...the bride confessed to her she had been stashing money in a private bank account "in case things don't work out". As you might imagine, the marriage was kaput within 6 months.

nearwildheaven 12-28-2016 11:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by t-bonham@scc.net (Post 19881488)
My brother worked for a while as a wedding photographer. He pushed real hard to sell 2 copies of their photto album, offering a real discount. He sold it as "one to lend out to your families, and one for you to keep safe at home".

But it was really so there were 2 copies when they split up.

He was sick of them coming to him, asking him to dig out the negatives from a few years ago, reprint the pictures from them for me, ... oh, and can you cut him/his family out of them? And then being real upset when he charged them for his time in doing all of that.

Or 2 copies to toss into the bonfire? :confused:

I used to work with a woman whose (now ex-) husband worked for many years as a professional photographer, and he did do a lot of weddings. He later took a job as a guard at the county jail. Guess which job he said was less stressful, and even safer?

Obeseus 12-29-2016 12:07 AM

Police officer friend of mine told me about a wedding he worked. The groom was heir to a fortune due to his family having owned a well-known business for over a century. The bride was an attractive woman who was doing some modeling to help pay for college. Wedding seemed to go off okay, but at the reception, the couple (not in view of the guests) had a big argument. The groom called his new bride a stupid f-ing c-word. Then the yelling really started. My cop friend walked over toward the couple as he thought he might have to intervene. The best man stepped forward to the cop and said that it was no big deal; they do that all the time. The marriage lasted about a year.

Bear_Nenno 12-29-2016 12:47 AM

A good sign that the couple is going to stay together for a long time is when the groom already has a half-dozen kids, and they drink Gatorade from a bucket at the reception.

Velocity 12-29-2016 02:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nearwildheaven (Post 19883485)
Or 2 copies to toss into the bonfire? :confused:

I used to work with a woman whose (now ex-) husband worked for many years as a professional photographer, and he did do a lot of weddings. He later took a job as a guard at the county jail. Guess which job he said was less stressful, and even safer?

A family member of mine was once a wedding photographer. When she herself got married, she didn't have a wedding. I wonder if the job made her hate weddings.

BobLibDem 12-29-2016 09:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dangerosa (Post 19881886)
I made the woman's mistake of thinking that he'd change.

A common mistake. The bride marches down the aisle toward the altar while the organ plays a hymn- she's thinking "Aisle altar hymn" but she won't be able to.

Amateur Barbarian 12-29-2016 09:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by t-bonham@scc.net (Post 19881488)
My brother worked for a while as a wedding photographer. He pushed real hard to sell 2 copies of their photto album, offering a real discount. He sold it as "one to lend out to your families, and one for you to keep safe at home".

But it was really so there were 2 copies when they split up.

He was sick of them coming to him, asking him to dig out the negatives from a few years ago, reprint the pictures from them for me, ... oh, and can you cut him/his family out of them? And then being real upset when he charged them for his time in doing all of that.

The idea that WFH photographers own the work and can thus sell and resell and resell material from a private event is just one more layer on the cake of "It's a Wedding - put all of your money in the bag and back away slowly." (Written as a some-time commercial photographer, note.)

Anyway, I've told the story of the young couple that lived next to us until they split in a spectacular blowup. When I walked through the empty houst (that the parents had bought for them just three years before), the only thing left was a box of wedding memorabilia, album included. Neither wanted it. (No kids.) It hurt to leave it there. Really.

plankter 12-29-2016 10:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bear_Nenno (Post 19883536)
A good sign that the couple is going to stay together for a long time is when the groom already has a half-dozen kids, and they drink Gatorade from a bucket at the reception.

Do I have to do everything around here? ;):p

kayaker 12-29-2016 10:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Velocity (Post 19883600)
A family member of mine was once a wedding photographer. When she herself got married, she didn't have a wedding. I wonder if the job made her hate weddings.

A buddy of mine does white dove releases at funerals. He and his two employees average two funerals a day. He loves funerals.

His two first dove releases were weddings. They were the only weddings he has done. Once he found funerals, he wouldn't do a wedding for triple his usual fee.

Grrr! 12-29-2016 10:40 AM

Mom's friend wedding reception.

Mom's friend used to always give me hugs and kisses. And for the most part, they were all innocent enough.


Until, that fateful day at the wedding reception. I guess she had one too many because as I was walking by her table, she said to me: "Can't walk by the bride's table with out giving her a kiss."

So I leaned over and attempted to give her a peck like I normally did. Except she turned it into this weird sloppy mouth thing. And then gives me a knowing wink after I abruptly pulled away.

Freaked me the hell out. I was all of 15yo!

Yeah, that marriage didn't last long.

Nava 12-29-2016 11:22 AM

Bride was getting married to escape her parents.

Groom was getting married because otherwise bride wouldn't put out.

Their first home (if you can call it that) was her parents' house. Yep, the same parents she wanted to escape. It's just one of the many reasons I call her my Idiot Aunt.

Nava 12-29-2016 11:28 AM

We sometimes visit a convent of Clares who do embroidery work. They place bets (no actual money, just a sort of poll) on whether couples will last or not, based on their behavior while ordering. Any couple who is rude to each other, or when the conversation is dominated by one of their mothers, or...

Their conditions include "work done will be charged whether you still want it or not".

Muffin 12-29-2016 11:31 AM

At a wedding officiated by the Justice of the Peace in the atrium of the courthouse, the bride and the groom started beating the shit out of each other. Their families and friends joined in on the festivities fisticuffs.

Both family court and criminal court were in session that day, so there were enough police on hand to arrest the lot of them and toss them in the tombs until they could stand before that same Justice of the Peace to ask for interim judicial release (bail).

Chefguy 12-29-2016 11:37 AM

My son brought home his fiance to meet us. After one day, I thought: Ah, shit, he's marrying his mother.

I went to the wedding, and as I was rocking out with my kids to a Queen song, the bride's father walks up to me, looks down his nose and says: "You don't actually like this stuff, do you?"

It lasted a lot longer than I thought it would, probably ten years, but finally took its toll. The prissiness, the religious bullshit, etc. finally drove him away, but not after driving a huge wedge between him and his family. We didn't speak for nearly three years, thanks to that bitch. He left her for another woman, who is a peach, and things are good in the family again.

Colibri 12-29-2016 11:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by panache45 (Post 19881237)
The bride was my first cousin; I was in their wedding party.

But was the point of the story that it was a good marriage, despite the bad start and lack of consummation? Or was it just a bad marriage that lasted for 30 years?

MichaelEmouse 12-29-2016 11:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by plankter (Post 19884044)
Do I have to do everything around here? ;):p

Thanks for the link.

Bear, do you still have the pictures? All the links in that thread are as dead as roadkill on the hood of a car resting on cinder blocks in an overgrown backyard.




Quote:

Originally Posted by Nava (Post 19884204)
It's just one of the many reasons I call her my Idiot Aunt.

and miss out on calling her "Idiaunt"?

Nava 12-29-2016 11:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MichaelEmouse (Post 19884250)
and miss out on calling her "Idiaunt"?

Sorry, I don't get it.

Shodan 12-29-2016 11:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kayaker (Post 19884078)
A buddy of mine does white dove releases at funerals. He and his two employees average two funerals a day. He loves funerals.

His two first dove releases were weddings. They were the only weddings he has done. Once he found funerals, he wouldn't do a wedding for triple his usual fee.

He was doing it wrong.

You don't release the doves until
  1. The guests have had a few drinks, and
  2. After they got their shotguns out of the truck
Regards,
Shodan

pullin 12-29-2016 12:15 PM

I wonder if there's an inverse correlation between the price of the wedding and the length of the marriage. It certainly holds true in my experience.

Motorgirl 12-29-2016 12:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pullin (Post 19884325)
I wonder if there's an inverse correlation between the price of the wedding and the length of the marriage. It certainly holds true in my experience.

Possibly.

FairyChatMom 12-29-2016 12:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pullin (Post 19884325)
I wonder if there's an inverse correlation between the price of the wedding and the length of the marriage. It certainly holds true in my experience.

Between the license and the Notary, it cost us $35 to get married. It's been 33 years so far - barely over a buck a year! :D

Amateur Barbarian 12-29-2016 12:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pullin (Post 19884325)
I wonder if there's an inverse correlation between the price of the wedding and the length of the marriage. It certainly holds true in my experience.

Probably not in absolute terms, but I bet you'd find correlation as the cost of the wedding rises in proportion to participant economic factors - e.g, the closer it comes to the couple's annual salary, the more of a disaster it's likely to be. Multiples of newlywed income, more so. As with any other curve, it probably falls apart at the very low and high ends.

DigitalC 12-29-2016 01:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by t-bonham@scc.net (Post 19881488)
My brother worked for a while as a wedding photographer. He pushed real hard to sell 2 copies of their photto album, offering a real discount. He sold it as "one to lend out to your families, and one for you to keep safe at home".

But it was really so there were 2 copies when they split up.

He was sick of them coming to him, asking him to dig out the negatives from a few years ago, reprint the pictures from them for me, ... oh, and can you cut him/his family out of them? And then being real upset when he charged them for his time in doing all of that.

I don't understand why a couple splitting up wants the wedding album in the first place.

Chimera 12-29-2016 01:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DigitalC (Post 19884430)
I don't understand why a couple splitting up wants the wedding album in the first place.

Well, if your whole life was just leading up to this awesome wedding that you had planned for yourself, you might want to hang onto the pictures.


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