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Old 02-20-2003, 02:14 PM
DrClayForrester DrClayForrester is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Michigan
Posts: 10
Kevin Smith's New Jersey Trilogy

Clerks

Dante: I'm not even supposed to be here today!

Randall: C'mon, man... You know Han Solo and Chewbacca are doin' it!

Veronica: Go to college, Dante.

Caitlynn: I just had sex with a dead guy!

Randall: Veronica, Dante wants to quit dating you.

Dante: I love Veronica now that Caitlynn is a nut job!

Veronica: I want to break up!

Dante: I hate you Randall!

Randall: It's your own fault!

Dante: You're right. Let's be friends again.

Jay and Silent Bob: We like pot!

THE END

*****
Mallrats

Rene: I want to break up because you play video hockey.

Brandi: I want to break up because you caused the death of Julie Dwyer.

Brodie and Quint: Let's go to the mall!

Mr. Svenning: I hate Quint so much that I'll give away my daughter on live TV!

Jay and Silent Bob: We like pot!

Brodie: Let's ruin the show!

Shannon Hamilton: I like to f*** women in a very uncomfortable place.

Everybody: Like the back of a Volkswagen?

Quint: I love Brandi!

Brody: I love Rene!

Brandi and Rene: We love you!

Brodie: Shannon Hamilton is a pedophile!

THE END

*****
Chasing Amy

Banky: We're comic book artists!

Holden: I'm the artist. You're a tracer.

Alyssa: I'm a comic book artist, and a lesbian, as well!

Holden: I love her!

Banky: She'll just try to turn you into a eunuch.

Alyssa: Wait! I'm straight! I want Holden!

Banky: But he's mine!

Jay and Silent Bob: We like pot!

Holden: Both of you should sleep with me!

Alyssa: I want to be a lesbian again. (Slaps him.)

Banky: I want to go be famous on my own.

Holden: I want to whimper about the loss of them both.

THE END

*****
Dogma (A bit long... Maybe two minutes...)

Loki and Bartleby: We're angels who have made God angry, so we've been shipped off to Wisconsin. But a loophole in Catholic dogma will allow us to return to heaven! Jersey, here we come!

Metatron: Bethany, you've got to stop them!

Bethany: No, because I'm a bitter woman who works at an abortion clinic.

Jay and Silent Bob: We were hanging out here at the abortion clinic, trying to pick up women, and we saved you from those hockey dorks. Oh, yeah... We like pot!

Bethany: I guess I should go to Jersey to stop those angels, then.

Rufus: I'm black! And so was Jesus!

Serendipity: Look! I've got THESE!

Azrael: We've got to stop them from stopping the angels! But first, I have to chew some scenery!

Bethany: Here we are in Jersey. Let's stop the angels!

Jay and Silent Bob: Can we watch Serendipity run in slow motion again?

Serendipity: Hee-hee!

Rufus: I'm still black!

Metatron: By the way, Bethany, you're Christ's last decendent!

Bethany: I can't do it!

GOD (disguised as Alanis Morrisette) and METATRON arrive just in time to stop BARTLEBY from entering the church.

Bartleby: I'm sorry. (Head pops like a tick.)

Bethany: I'm pregnant!

Jay and silent Bob: We love pot! It made us see God!

THE END

*****
Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back

Jay and Silent Bob: We need the money!

Shannon Elisabeth: I've got THESE! And they're bigger than Salma Hayek's!

Chris Rock: I'm still black!

Jay and Silent Bob: We like pot!

THE END

-DCF