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Old 03-29-2009, 08:42 PM
TheScogg TheScogg is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: E'Town, Ky
Posts: 136
Send her a "thinking of you" card as opposed to a "sorry for your loss" card. She'll appreciate it either way, but it'll be less psychologically tolling if you don't directly bring up his death on the front of a Hallmark card. When old friends told me 3 months afterward that they were "sorry for my loss", it really just brought back bad memories. It just made me think of the 800 million times somebody told me they were sorry for my loss during the week of the funeral. Nobody wants to be reminded of a funeral. When they just asked how I was doing , that was perfect. If they knew my cousin, I would of course bring it to their attention that he had passed. It allowed me to approach the subject from my own comfort zone instead of being ambushed with the subject. Then we'd share some teary eyed, but joyous stories that helped me work out some of my lingering issues while still validating the importance of his existence and the sorrow of his passing.

Maybe send her some pictures of you and a SO (if you have one) and a nice letter. Tell her something exciting going on in your life. Ask her how she's doing. She'll probably know that you're writing her now in part because of his recent passing (I don't mean this in a crass way, like you don't normally give a damn about her), but this approach puts the ball in her court. If she wants to talk about your uncle, she will in the return letter. Then, you can bring him up.

I apologize if this seems a little preachy and overanalytical, but it really would have been the best approach in my experience. Take this for what it's worth - I'm sure she'll love to hear from you, regardless of approach.

Last edited by TheScogg; 03-29-2009 at 08:43 PM.