Genital Warts/HPV - Feeling like a loser

[Tharkas]

I just underwent a rather painful procedure today to have a couple of genital warts removed from my penis and now I'm sadly contemplating my sex life as a single, 33-year-old straight man with an incurable sexually transmitted virus. It's entirely possible that I contracted HPV from my very first lover at the age of 19.

As a fatso, opportunities for sexual relationships are presented very rarely and I can just see the next time the opportunity comes up and I am presented with the prospect of halting the proceedings to tell her that sexual contact with me will most likely result in her contracting a virus, with or without the use of a condom. Yeah, that'll just go over great. I feel myself becoming extremely repulsive and I think this whole deal is also resulting in erectile disfunction.

Talk about a serious question of morality.

Having read some of the discussions on human papilloma virus, some people have suggested that quite a large number of sexually active adults are infected with HPV and women regularly undergo pap smears to check for its possible effects. I am idly contemplating whether it really is all that awful for me to be infected with HPV and whether it would be all that immoral of me to go ahead and have sex with someone without having to reveal this fact (I've been tested for all the other major STDs -- AIDS, gonorrhoea, herpes, etc. -- and am clear on those counts).

My questions -- how common is it really? Is it common enough that I shouldn't be feeling like scum?

[capybara]

Gee, that sucks. Welcome to the board, too, heh. I don't know exact numbers but that and herpes are both VERY common-- you're in good company.

[Rysdad]

Well, if it's any consolation, chances are that any prospective partner has it, too.

[Tuckerfan]

Tharkas, I've been faced with the same thing as you can see by this thread, so don't be so down about it. There are much worse things out there that you could have contracted.

Welcome to the Boards. We're a strange bunch, but you'll get used to us.

[hajario]

There are dating services for HPV+ folks. Have you considered those? You won't have to explain yourself to anyone that you meet through there, they're in the same boat as you.

Haj

[zen101]

What hajario said. My best friend met his wife through a singles ad placed in a herpes positive sectiuon of a local paper. Of course she is a total bitch and I can't stand her and she has turned him into a lap dog, but I don' t think that any of that is specifically herpes related.

Actually you may get more tail as an "out" HPV sufferer than you did before as you are now in a sexual subsect of people who also feel they may not be getting laid and therefore more receptive to opportunity.

[Acsenray]

There are dating services for HPV+ folks.

I've only noticed these things in New York. Do they really exist nationwide?

[Tharkas]

Thanks for the advice. How would I go about finding such a listing in the Washington area?

[lieu]

My understanding is that much of this is common but that doesn't mean you shouldn't be upfront with a prospective partner beforehand. It's only fair.

[hajario]

Originally posted by Tharkas
Thanks for the advice. How would I go about finding such a listing in the Washington area?

Start with a search on Google: Washington HPV Dating. You could also check the phone book or your local weekly newspaper like the Reader.

Originally posted by acsenray
I've only noticed these things in New York. Do they really exist nationwide?

Uh, yeah. Any reasonably sized area would have such things. Hard as it might be to believe that New York does not have the market cornered on anything and everything.

Haj

[Ellen Cherry]

Good advice, here. And hey, Tharkas -- this doesn't define you. You're more than this. Don't call yourself 'loser' or 'fatso.' Okay? Good luck, and welcome.

[askol]

You should not feel like a loser or a bad person because you have an STD.

You should however, feel like a complete ashole if you have sex with someone with out informing them that you are HPV+, especial since HPV can be contracted while using a condom and can not be cured.

I wish I knew a way to say it politely, but you should not make other peoples decisions for them, and not informing them of the risks they are taking is exactly that.

[askol]

an ammendment on my previous comment:

Obviuosly, if you meet someone through an HPV+ dating service, its reasonable to assume they allready know about your situation.

[Beadalin]

Some stats from WebMD:

- About 24 million people in the United States are infected with HPV. Most people who are infected are between the ages of 19 and 49.1
- There are 500,000 to 1 million new HPV infections in the United States each year.1
- Most infections do not cause warts or other symptoms and resolve on their own.
- Having sexual contact with an infected partner results in the spread of infection half of the time.
- Current data reports that over 50% of sexually active* adults have been infected with one of the many types of HPV.
- Studies estimate that between 18% and 33% of sexually active teenage girls will have a positive test for HPV.3
- The most common types of HPV that cause visible genital warts are not associated with a greater risk of developing cancer.

I mean, really, if you're going to have an incurable disease, that's a damn good one to have. It's painless, extremely common, and unlikely to cause anything more serious than mild inconvenience. When I had abnormal results from a Pap smear, my doctor told me that HPV might have caused it. She went on to estimate that about 80% of the US population has it, simply because so many people never realize they have it, and it isn't detected. At least you're one-up on those, and won't unknowingly infect others.

* emphasis mine

[Acsenray]

I wonder, is there any way to get genital warts other than by genital-genital contact? My first sweetheart sprouted genital warts soon after she went away to college. At the time, I had had sexual contact only with her, and she, so she claimed, with me. She insisted she must have got it some other way, because she certainly hadn't lied to me about being a virgin and she certainly hadn't cheated on me. At the time, I didn't make a big deal about it because I was in love and she was too honest and modern a girl to lie like that anyway, wasn't she? This thread has reminded me of that. I'd hate to have my teen-age memories tarnished by the suspicion of infidelity.

[zen101]

Originally posted by acsenray
I wonder, is there any way to get genital warts other than by genital-genital contact? My first sweetheart sprouted genital warts soon after she went away to college. At the time, I had had sexual contact only with her, and she, so she claimed, with me. She insisted she must have got it some other way, because she certainly hadn't lied to me about being a virgin and she certainly hadn't cheated on me. At the time, I didn't make a big deal about it because I was in love and she was too honest and modern a girl to lie like that anyway, wasn't she? This thread has reminded me of that. I'd hate to have my teen-age memories tarnished by the suspicion of infidelity.

Genital warts can apparently be contracted by surface to genital contact. Dirty toilet seat, etc. Just like getting athelete's foot virus from walking across a public shower floor w/o flip flops on.

[Acsenray]

Really? I thought that the disease-from-the-dirty-toilet-seat was entirely mythical.

[CrankyAsAnOldMan]

Given the prevalance, I can't believe there are HPV-specific dating services. Herpes, yes, because of the implications and the fact that living with Herpes can be, well, a lifestyle thing. But HPV?

You are not a loser. Who knows where you got it. Who cares. Most of us typing here on the boards are probably carriers too. Some of us may have warts. Some may never get symptoms. It's really not a big deal, although I understand that it can bring on a sense of shame when it first rears its ugly head.

Honestly, given the stats on HPV, I consider this fact no more interesting about a sexual partner than whether his big toes are hairy.

um, are your toes hairy?

[BoBettie]

Hey, I know some VERY NICE people who happen to have hairy toes, Cranky!

Zette

[Tharkas]

Thanks all for all the advice. I did actually do a search on the Web for HPV dating circles, but found only a few herpes groups. So, Cranky is probably right (but Zen101 did get my hopes up for a sec!).

[istara]

I once read a doctor (Australian) saying that they don't even always count HPV as a sexually transmitted disease - (a) because you can get it from non-sexual activity, and (b) because it was just so widespread.