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  #1  
Old 12-22-2003, 06:31 AM
Rue DeDay Rue DeDay is offline
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Yesterday- Fall, Today- Winter, Tomorrow- Tuesday

Today is the shortest day of the whole year. Unless it was yesterday that was the shortest. Either way, today is pretty darned short. If you want to look at it in a more ďthe glass is half fullĒ sort of way, itís the longest night (or the second longest), so rest up. Unless you have a Significant Other at hand, then use the Longest Night of the Year however you want. Since itís a School Night though, youíll probably just rest up. Itís all up to you. Iím sure youíll make the best decision on your own.

But isnít that weird? Just yesterday it was Fall. No matter how much snow youíve had to shovel. Or not, depending where you live. (Oh, all you Southern Hemispherians? This whole thing is obviously Rue-centric, so itís all wrong for You People. I know how you all celebrate Christmas in cut-off shorts and halter tops (even the girls!) so you donít have to tell me how itís Summer now, not Winter. I donít want to hear it anyway.) But now, the Sun drifts as far south as itís going and it turns around and we have a whole new season. Itís still going to be cold, I mean it is Winter now, but itís a spiffy new season. And soon a spiffy new year. But thatís not this week, so we donít have to even think of it right now. Right now weíre concentrating on the new season. Winter.

Winter is just chock full of tradition and stuff. I mean thereís the traditional Flipping of the Mattress. But you all knew about that. How on the Solstices youíre supposed to flip your mattresses and on the Equinoxes your supposed to turn them. (Unless you sleep on a futon, then just fluff it up or something. And if you sleep on a waterbed, you could just slosh around on it some, you don't have to flip a waterbed. But you should "burp" it. Whatcha waitin' for? Christmas?) And if youíve been really good in the last three months, the Porn Fairy will leave pictures of naked people in magazine form under your mattress. No? My mom didnít buy that either. Youíd think she would since itís a Hallowed Tradition, the Porn Fairy and Mattress Day.

Iím half-surprised there arenít Mattress Day specials on TV. Those classic Rankin Bass stop-motion jobbies that just never get old. Iíd think Hermie the Elf would show up just to teach Rudolph the True Meaning of Mattress Day. And if anyone knows their porn, it would be that Elf, Hermie. Or ďHerbieĒ the Elf (not that Iím going to get in the middle of that argument again) if you prefer.

So join in with your neighbors, hand in hand in the spirit of the season, and sing those Mattress Carols we all know and love.

Also, in a possibly unrealated story, today is 12/22. You know what that means. It's Scout's birthday! Yay! So we should all wish Our Own Scout a Merry Nativity and a Festive Year. And not just the tail end of this calendar year either. I mean a whole year that winds up on her birthday next year.


-Rue.
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  #2  
Old 12-22-2003, 06:47 AM
FairyChatMom FairyChatMom is online now
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So I'm doing it wrong if I flip my mattress monthly or so? Dang. Maybe that's why I'm ignored by the Porn Fairies. Not that I'm into Porn or anything, but all I usually find under my mattress is a mooshed-up bedskirt. I think I moosh it when I move the mattress. After all, it's a king-size and I usually have to flip it myself. If someone hid a camera in my bedroom, they'd probably find the entire process quite amusing and entertaining.

The mattress-flipping, I mean. Nothing else amusing or entertaining happens in my bedroom. That you know of. Some things should be kept to one's self. Pay no attention to the trapeze and the case of cool whip. Move along. Move along.

Happy Birthday, scout!! May your mattress be flipped and your sheets smell line-dried-fresh!
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  #3  
Old 12-22-2003, 06:47 AM
friedo friedo is offline
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Curiously, associating the beginnings of the seasons with the solstices and equinoxes appears to be a uniquely American tradition.

http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a1_170b.html

It's fuggin cold out there today.
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  #4  
Old 12-22-2003, 07:00 AM
Exgineer Exgineer is offline
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I dunno, Rue. Around here, winter actually runs from Halloween to about Memorial Day, and then we get spring (aka "those three weeks when it rains all the time"). I don't care what the calendar says. I think that "the season starts on the solstice/equinox" thing is just an eccentric American conceit anyway. We always have to label and quantify stuff for some reason.

My mattress can't be flipped, either. Well, it can, but I'm not supposed to do it. It was designed with a definite top side and bottom side, so I'm just supposed to turn it. Stupid huge heavy king-sized mattress.

Ex - (in a contrary mood today)
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  #5  
Old 12-22-2003, 07:07 AM
Rue DeDay Rue DeDay is offline
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Anyone that contradicts the MMP with actual facts is a big boogerhead.

That is all.

For now.
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  #6  
Old 12-22-2003, 07:08 AM
LurkMeister LurkMeister is offline
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I haven't flipped my mattress in years. I probably should, if for no other reason than in hopes that it will relocate the saggy spot on my side of the bed. Actually, I should just buy a new mattress, but the last time I checked mattresses for a queen-sized adjustable bed were $700-1000, and the mattress store near my house would have had to order one from the warehouse.

Since it's been so long since my mattress was flipped, maybe I should check when I get home to see if the Porn Fairy has left anything there. Not that I need any porn. And if I did, all I'd have to do is click on some of that e-mail I always just delete.
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  #7  
Old 12-22-2003, 07:22 AM
swampbear swampbear is online now
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"Happy Mattress Flipping/Porn Fairy Day to all and to all a good long night!" That's what Hermie/Herbie could say as he flies or prances or sashays or whatever it is elves do when they leave into the night.

Me, I don't have to do mattress flipping. I have one of those mattresses that don't need turning. Well, I used to do mattress flipping at the start of every season (no real reason I just decided that's the time to do it) until I bought the flipless mattress a month ago. I like my new mattress. It's all nice and firm and comfy. Oh, and it's king sized in case any of you really nosy people were wondering. FCM since you do the mattress flipping all by yourself, maybe you should invest in the flipless mattress. That's one of the reasons (the other being I needed a new mattress) I bought the flipless kind, since I also had to do solo flipping.

Porn fairy, heehee. I have porn. I have videos and cds. Sometime ya gotta have ambience. Oh, and for all you really nosy people its boy/boy porn. Course I'm sure y'all already figured that one out.

And...........

<ahem> clearing throat <ahem>

HAAAAPYYYY BIIIIRTHDAAAAY TOOOOOO YOUUUUUU!!!!!!
HAAAAPYYYY BIIIIRTHDAAAAY TOOOOOO YOUUUUUU!!!!!!
HAAAAPYYYY BIIIIRTHDAAAAY DEEEEARRRR SCOOOOUUUUT1222!!!!!!
HAAAAPYYYY BIIIIRTHDAAAAY TOOOOOO YOUUUUUU!!!!!!
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  #8  
Old 12-22-2003, 07:32 AM
welby welby is offline
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The welbywife and I just flipped our matress, but only because we'd just had it thoroughly cleaned. We had it thoroughly cleaned because Pandora, our lovely younger dog decided that our bed just didn't smell right without her pee on it.

Little bitch.

I'm not being mean. She is little. And technically she's a bitch.

If today is the shortest day does that mean I can go home early?

Anyone have the Porn Fairy's e-mail addy? I need to talk to her about visiting welbyson less often.

Oh yeah. Merry Holidays and stuff.
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  #9  
Old 12-22-2003, 07:40 AM
Exgineer Exgineer is offline
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I'm a boogerhead?

Excellent.

I just got word from my girlfriend: If the Porn Fairy tries to visit my house, he will be shot. Repeatedly. I had no influence over this decision.
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  #10  
Old 12-22-2003, 08:17 AM
FairyChatMom FairyChatMom is online now
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Quote:
Originally posted by swampbear
FCM since you do the mattress flipping all by yourself, maybe you should invest in the flipless mattress. That's one of the reasons (the other being I needed a new mattress) I bought the flipless kind, since I also had to do solo flipping.
Well, my solo flipping won't be for much longer. First off, my sweetie is home till the start of January, so when I change the sheets next, he'll be helping me do the flip.

Second off, I should be getting out of here within the next 6 months or so, and the mattress, along with everything else, will probably be going into storage for a while, so flipping won't be an issue.

Third off, the flipping isn't that big a deal. I'm still more or less healthy and capable, and I've got it down to a science of sorts - it's been a while since I've knocked over any lamps. It's not a favored chore, but it's better than scrubbing the shower.

And, for the record, I don't think Ex is a boogerhead. Even tho he never writes to me anymore. Even tho I'm not a threat to his relationship with his girlfriend. Even tho I don't even try to borrow money or anything. Even tho I only have one true and loyal e-correspondent. No, in spite of all of that, I can't call Ex a boogerhead. Not out loud, anyway.

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  #11  
Old 12-22-2003, 08:26 AM
welby welby is offline
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Hey Ex, your girlfriend didn't seem to mind. . .


Oh.

Never mind.


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  #12  
Old 12-22-2003, 08:40 AM
misstee misstee is offline
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I'd also like to say Happy Birthday to scout1222.


I have a pillowtop mattress that has the inserts, so there is no need for flipping. If the occasion ever arose, I suppose I could unzip the mattress and take out the inserts to move them. I am not sure what that would accomplish, but I could do it. Also the porn fairy has never visted me and left me porn under my bed. I don't think the porn fairy is real.
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  #13  
Old 12-22-2003, 08:54 AM
lieu lieu is offline
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Considering the fact it's football season and the playoffs approach, mebbe some of us better flip the sofa as well. Lord knows my derrierre has made an impact.

And scout, here's to hoping you and your SO can share a nice bottle of champagne tonite, some soft music and some fruity candles to aid in your mattress flipping endeavours.
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  #14  
Old 12-22-2003, 09:30 AM
earthpuppy earthpuppy is offline
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Truth be known, I have never heard of traditional Mattress Flipping being on the Solstice/Equinox. Only the changing of the batteries in your smoke detector when Daylight Savings Time comes/goes (how are people in Indiana reminded to change their smoke detector batteries? Time never changes there )

I flip/turn my mattress whenever it happens to occur to me...a couple of times a year. I, too, usually end up doing it on my own. It's quite a feat, it's a king and I'm small. Don't think I've ever broken any lamps, but I have been trapped behind it while it was up on it's side!

Happy Birthday Wishes to scout, and

Merry, Merry Christmas to all the MMPers!
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  #15  
Old 12-22-2003, 09:52 AM
Horseflesh Horseflesh is offline
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The Porn Fairy has entered the 21st century. I often find little gifts from her in the form of spyware, links on the desktop to various naughty sites, and popup ads. No actuall pr0n though, so she's getting chintzy.

The monsters under my bed don't like their lair to be disturbed, so we try to flip the mattress in full daylight when they're sleeping. I once found an errant tentacle under the mattress, and some large blue-green scales, though. Monsters are slobs.

Happy Mattress and Porn Day, scout. Hope you get everything you want.
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  #16  
Old 12-22-2003, 10:33 AM
scout1222 scout1222 is offline
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Quote:
Originally posted by lieu
And scout, here's to hoping you and your SO can share a nice bottle of champagne tonite, some soft music and some fruity candles to aid in your mattress flipping endeavours.
Note to self: acquire an SO before arriving home tonight.

Thanks for the birthday wishes, folks! But I won't be celebrating by flipping my mattress. I just bought the dang thing about 2 months ago (which means it's about time to change those sheets - I kid! I kid!) so it ain't ripe for flippin' yet. Oh, and it's supposedly one of those no flipping needed jobbies. But that's probably just a ploy so that I wear the thing out quicker and have to buy another one sooner. Don't you think?

However, if the Porn Fairy leaves the goodies under the mattress (where any illicit paper-based porn should be stored, right?) then maybe I ought to at least indulge in a Mattress Lift or something.
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  #17  
Old 12-22-2003, 11:42 AM
Exgineer Exgineer is offline
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Hmmm...

It seems that I've been a bit lax with the e-mail thing. I don't think I've even checked it in the past month. I'll have to correct that later.

And welby is on The List. Of course, that's nothing new.

Happy Birthday, scout. I eventually hit all the points in an MMP thread. Really. Sorry for being late with this one.
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  #18  
Old 12-22-2003, 11:59 AM
ShibbOleth ShibbOleth is offline
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I'd post something here, but I'm between computers and The Boy is counting to 100 at the end of which I think I need to surrender this one to him.

Happy Birthday Merry Christmas Felix Navidad Joyeux Chanukah etc (100 is up)
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  #19  
Old 12-22-2003, 12:53 PM
Wintermute Wintermute is offline
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Happy Birthday, Scout, SO or no SO. Nothin' wrong with flying solo from time to time.

Maybe your friends will take you out and get you drunk in celebration.

- Winter (who's always happy to find another Sagittarian to play with.)
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  #20  
Old 12-22-2003, 01:28 PM
Rue DeDay Rue DeDay is offline
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Hey! [i]I'm[i] a Sagittarian too! I love that Bob Sagitt.
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  #21  
Old 12-22-2003, 01:33 PM
Rue DeDay Rue DeDay is offline
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Dang it!
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  #22  
Old 12-22-2003, 04:34 PM
susan_foster susan_foster is offline
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Wow - I must really be out of it - I've never heard of the flipping the mattress thing. Hmm...what exactly is the point?

Oh, and since this is a random Rue thread...I've been quacking today - my last day at this job is the 31st, so I am a lame duck. Then again, I just got out of a 1&1/2 hour meeting where I actually made contributions, so maybe I'm not as lame as I could be.

Documentation - I hate documentation.

Susan
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  #23  
Old 12-22-2003, 07:53 PM
FairyChatMom FairyChatMom is online now
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I called my mom this evening to see if she got the box of gifts I sent there last week. (She did.) She mentioned that tomorrow will have one minute more of daylight than today did. Yay.

I hate documentation, too, and before I left the office today, my team leader delivered 9 more engineering requests. They're fairly easy (Determine if the parts are flight critical) but each one requires a completed checklist and a completed instruction form. Oh well, it'll give me something to do.

Here's a hijack with some potential: Ever have a naughty dream about a fellow Doper?

Yeah, I did. That's all I'm sayin'. I've got to uphold my wholesome reputation.
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  #24  
Old 12-23-2003, 06:39 AM
Rue DeDay Rue DeDay is offline
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The Little Woman has these weird friends. The kind of friends she sees face-to-face on a regular basis. Not MY kind of friends that live inside my computer and entertain me when it's convenient for me. Anyway, the plus side of haveing her "real life" friends (?) is that sometimes they give her stuff. Like these cookies she just got.

They are some weird looking cookies. They have chocolate and almonds and little bits of what I hope are some sort of fruit and maybe coconut. You know what they look like? Giant cookie scabs. But they are mighty tastey giant cookie scabs.

If I forget to say it later, Merry Christmas. Unless you don't do "Christmas". The Merry Whatever You Feel Is Appropriate. Just be Merry dammit!

Or Pippin. You could be Pippin if you really wanted. I guess.


-Rue. (Merry now, but was Frodo once)
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  #25  
Old 12-23-2003, 07:05 AM
Exgineer Exgineer is offline
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Ah, Christmas.

Do you know what Christmas means to me? Cheese ball. My mom makes great cheese balls.

I don't do cookies.

I should have checked this thread last night in between the wrapping and the cursing and the throwing heavy objects and the screaming and the crying and the heavy drinking, mwhaa. I neglected to have a naughty dream about a fellow doper, thus failing in my assignment. The dog ate my homework or something.

And God bless FedEx. They saved my butt yesterday.
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  #26  
Old 12-23-2003, 07:12 AM
swampbear swampbear is online now
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FedEx saving Ex's butt oughta be good fodder for a hijack. Unfortunately, I am not feeling creative right now so I got nuttin.

FCM was the dream about a doper you've met or one you wanna meet? We need some detail so we can figure out who or just make stuff up, which is what we're all gonna do anyway.

Oh and Merry Christmas and stuff to everybody!
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  #27  
Old 12-23-2003, 07:21 AM
FairyChatMom FairyChatMom is online now
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swampy, you caught me - the dream was about you! I confess... No need to make anything up.

No, I'm not fibbing! Would I lie? Would this angelic face lie?!?

Happy Christmas Eve Eve! I finished wrapping the last of my presents last night. Tomorrow I'll start cooking my share of the family meal that we're having with the inlaws. Today or tomorrow, we're supposed to get the box from our Baltimore relatives. Ho ho ho!
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  #28  
Old 12-23-2003, 07:43 AM
swampbear swampbear is online now
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A naughty dream about moi? About moi, who would never ever do naughty things? except with burly men bearing beer and cookies What did I do? I know, you dreamed I was your hairdresser and I did your hair whilst nekkid.
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  #29  
Old 12-23-2003, 07:44 AM
slortar slortar is offline
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Hm. Mattress flipping. Sounds scary, like something I could get arrested for. Should I draw the curtains before I engage in mattress flipping or is this something done better with the guilty thrill of potential voyeurs watching my bed tossing activities?

I'm having some sort of potluck thingy at work right now. Everybody brings in the food at least once during the week of Christmas. In exchange, you can eat like a pig. When I first started working here, we did this for two solid weeks, but everyone got too fat, I guess, so we cut down to just one week. I brought nuts, mixed with candy. Everybody is chewing on my salty nuts right now. Hehehehe. Believe you me, everybody knows my nuts are in their mouths because I keep telling them that. Coworkers just love that sort of thing.
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  #30  
Old 12-23-2003, 08:11 AM
Lissla Lissar Lissla Lissar is offline
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Unfotunately, I think I'll be too busy today to flip my mattress. I must make Christmas shortbread (different from regular shortbread because it'll be dipped in chocolate), go to work, and then watch ROTK again. It's only my second time, and I want to check the colour of Eowyn's cloak in the end.

It ought to be dark blue.

I didn't know about mattress flipping day, so I feel enlightened. Actually, I don't feel light at all, because at least fifteen boxes of chocolates and three packages of doughnut holes have been eaten at my work in the last week. Not all by me, but I helped.

Lissla(working on her voluptuous curves)
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