Say, Braaad, That Looks Familiar

[Tuckerfan]

Okay, almost two years ago, I wrote the following:

In each area there should also be a Scrap bin, painted bright red where unusable parts are placed.
Additionally, there should be a Lost Parts container painted black, where parts that have gotten separated from the rest of the batch can be placed. By doing this, Amalgamated Moron Manufacturing will help streamline the flow of parts through the facility, eliminate the current practice of keeping most scrap parts with the batch until they reach the inspection area, enable both employees and management to quickly survey the available workload, and ensure that parts which have been misplaced are returned to their correct area.

That was in a report I wrote and gave to the Owner in what was obviously a vain effort to get the company to do something sensible.

On Tuesday of this week, I walk into the shop, and spot a red bucket in one corner of the shop with a "Non-Conforming Material" sticker on the side of it. As the Mold Maker and I are looking at it, Braaaad comes in and hands us a sheet of paper, explaining the purpose of the red bucket. Braaaad then casually comments that when the folks from Honda were touring the plant last week, they noticed that we didn't have any and that they suggested we get some so that we wouldn't get scrap mixed in with good parts.

Of course, we always do, because that's proceedure! The last step before the parts are boxed up to be shipped, One Eyed Jack inspects the parts to make sure they look right. Occassionally, One Eye will actually check the parts with a gauge. If anyone discovers a bad part before they get to shipping, they have one of two choices. They can either walk the parts to the shipping department and put them on the scrap table, or they can dump them in the bin with the rest of the good parts. Guess which one they pick?

So, I don't know if was the smart ass in me coming out or not, but after Braaaad told us why we were now going to be using "non-conforming material" buckets (nevermind that "non-conforming material" is pretty much meaningless, since it can be applied to a raw casting in comparison to a finished part, whereas "scrap" clearly defines a part which can only be one thing), I pointed out to Braaaad that I had originally suggested the idea two years ago.

Braaaad's response was, "Well, some times it takes two years for a good idea to get implimented around here." I was tempted, but managed to refrain from pointing out that was exactly how long an elephant is pregnant.

Now, today, I'm actually running a non-Honda job (but still one which if they knew what the fuck they were doing, I wouldn't have to machine at all) and Clayd'oh and Braaaad are checking a prototype part that we've been trying to get right for about a year now. Mind you, this is a military part, so the fact that we keep fucking up a military part means that we're screwing the poor schmucks on the front line. You know, the very ones the Owner has said that he's trying to help by putting all military parts as priority items. (Ask me when the last time I machined a military part was. Go on. Ask) My head's stopped up, so mercifully, I can't hear the entire conversation between Braaaad and Clayd'oh, but even so I can grok enough of it to realize that either one of them has much of a clue as to what it is that they're talking about.

That's when everything finally clicked for me, and I realized what it is that I need to do to make whatever time I have left there bearable. I'm going to have business cards printed up stating that I am a consultant. Then, whenever anyone there asks me for advice about how we should do something, I'm going to hand them my card and say, "My initial consultation fee is $500 if you take my advice, $1,000 if you don't." If, by some fluke, they actually decide to take me up on that (and, of course, I'll demand payment in advance), I'm going to hand them a contract to sign which says, in effect, that not only to I have the right to treat them like the bitch they are, but that they have no choice to come back to me and demand that I do it again. Finally, there will be a clause in the contract which states that if they say something I find mindboggingly stupid, I have the right to beat them like a dog.

And, of course, I have a plan for if they actually do sign the contract and pay me $500. Instead of listening to their question and then giving them an answer, I'll simply hand them another copy of my report and tell them that the answer's in there.

[danceswithcats]

Tell you what, I'll charge $1500 for the consulting fee, pay you $500, and we'll be happy guys.

[Enginerd]

Originally Posted by danceswithcats

Tell you what, I'll charge $1500 for the consulting fee, pay you $500, and we'll be happy guys.

$500 is nice, but I think Tuckerfan's really angling for the "beat them like dogs" option. The money seems like a secondary concern.

[neuroman]

Tuckerfan,

I think if you work only another year or two in this place, you'll have enough raw material to write a new and brilliant sitcom.

[duffer]

Originally Posted by Enginerd

$500 is nice, but I think Tuckerfan's really angling for the "beat them like dogs" option. The money seems like a secondary concern.

Save the dogs and use my favorite saying. It really fits here.

"Beat them like they owe you money."

[Can Handle the Truth]

Tuckerfan, I worked as a manufacturing and quality engineer for seven years in a plant that manufactured both military and automotive parts. Sorry, but I don't buy a word of what you have written. Both military and automotive quality control requirements are among the tightest in existence. Any of the violations that you describe, if involving military parts, would be grounds for immediately shutting down the operation and/or termination of the contract, perhaps even criminal charges.

[Tuckerfan]

Originally Posted by Can Handle the Truth

Tuckerfan, I worked as a manufacturing and quality engineer for seven years in a plant that manufactured both military and automotive parts. Sorry, but I don't buy a word of what you have written. Both military and automotive quality control requirements are among the tightest in existence. Any of the violations that you describe, if involving military parts, would be grounds for immediately shutting down the operation and/or termination of the contract, perhaps even criminal charges.

One would think that, especially if the Feds had been alerted to this fact (don't ask me how I know), but we're still in operation. I think that part of what protects us is the fact that we're quiet often the sub-sub-sub-contractor for a job. However, I can assure you, that nothing I've posted in any of these threads is an exaggeration or outright fabrication of the events I've witnessed.

Of course, that all might be about to change. Today, we had some folks in the place inspecting the military parts Clayd'oh was piddling with yesterday. They were discussing some of the problems with the parts we'd been sending them (problems which Braaaaad had been describing as "enamelies") and they had at least one conference amongst themselves in the middle of their visit. No idea of what they were talking about, but even Clayd'oh admitted that there's just no way we can pull off this job.

[Mr. Goob]

Originally Posted by Can Handle the Truth

Tuckerfan, I worked as a manufacturing and quality engineer for seven years in a plant that manufactured both military and automotive parts. Sorry, but I don't buy a word of what you have written. Both military and automotive quality control requirements are among the tightest in existence. Any of the violations that you describe, if involving military parts, would be grounds for immediately shutting down the operation and/or termination of the contract, perhaps even criminal charges.

I was a machinist and work in a factory as a tooling consultant. I've enjoyed all of the Puma Pete stories and can picture a lot of the foolishness that you've entertained us with. But I have to say I was thinking the same thing as Truth here. Are you guys ISO 9000 certified? If I were auditing there I'd have had a stroke by now.