Hillarious Way to Deal with Telemarketers

[Babale]

Found this on youtube...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Sd9Q...eature=related

[Antinor01]

That's really pathetic. I'm really glad I never had to deal with an ass like that when I did a stint in telemarketing. But then again, I was always polite, followed the law and if someone simply didn't want to be called I put their number on the DNC list.

I know telemarketer bashing is really popular on this board though, so others will probably enjoy that.

[Babale]

Originally Posted by Antinor01

That's really pathetic. I'm really glad I never had to deal with an ass like that when I did a stint in telemarketing. But then again, I was always polite, followed the law and if someone simply didn't want to be called I put their number on the DNC list.

I know telemarketer bashing is really popular on this board though, so others will probably enjoy that.

You were in telemarketing? YOU MUST DI... *cough* Where do you live, exactly? And how likely are you to spot someone running up your driveway with a baseball bat?



I kid. But seriously, I don't want whatever you're selling. I'm the one paying for the minutes. I'm the one who gets his normal routine interrupted by someone who wants to tell me stuff I have no interest in hearing. Why would I NOT hate telemarketers?

[Antinor01]

Originally Posted by Babale

You were in telemarketing? YOU MUST DI... *cough* Where do you live, exactly? And how likely are you to spot someone running up your driveway with a baseball bat?



I kid. But seriously, I don't want whatever you're selling. I'm the one paying for the minutes. I'm the one who gets his normal routine interrupted by someone who wants to tell me stuff I have no interest in hearing. Why would I NOT hate telemarketers?

That was ten years ago and we never intentionally called cell phones so minutes wouldn't enter into it. Actually, being advised that we had called a cell phone was an immediate entry on the DNC list. I don't exactly like being called by telemarketers either, but I've never felt the need to be rude to one or to pull stupid shit like in that video.

[multimediac17]

Originally Posted by Antinor01

I don't exactly like being called by telemarketers either, but I've never felt the need to be rude to one or to pull stupid shit like in that video.

Exactly this, and the same goes for people on the street who are handing out pamphlets/asking for donations/whatever - I would prefer to be left alone but there is absolutely no reason for me to be rude to people who are just doing their job. A quick "no thankyou, I'm not interested" and I keep walking/hang up.

[Peremensoe]

Originally Posted by multimediac17

...the same goes for people on the street who are handing out pamphlets/asking for donations/whatever...

They are very different contexts. Pamphleteers are outside, in the the public environment, in society. Telemarketers are invaders of private space and personal time.

[septimus]

Originally Posted by multimediac17

I would prefer to be left alone but there is absolutely no reason for me to be rude to people who are just doing their job.

Although I might pity someone who can't find a better job, put me down as one would be happy to pull this prank or otherwise confound such a caller.

The telemarketing caller is the one who is rude. The fact that he's "only following orders" is not an excuse.

BTW, do others agree with me that the funny conversation at YouTube was probably staged, not a real telemarketing call at all?

[bucketybuck]

Originally Posted by Antinor01

That's really pathetic. I'm really glad I never had to deal with an ass like that when I did a stint in telemarketing. But then again, I was always polite, followed the law and if someone simply didn't want to be called I put their number on the DNC list.

I know telemarketer bashing is really popular on this board though, so others will probably enjoy that.

I can feel a little bit of pity for Hitler. He had to deal with that tache, couldnt have been easy. Pol Pot, feel sorry for him, bet he got called lots of names at school. Tea Pot. Copper Pot. Pooh pot. Poor fella. I even feel a little bit of pity for OJ Simpson. Didnt even get his glove back.

However, I dont have an ounce of pity for fucking telemarketers. They are scum and I laughed long and loud at the linked tape.

[Half Man Half Wit]

Don't care if it's crude, rude, or pathetic, it's bloody funny is what it is. Don't think I laughed so hard at something on the net in a while. Seriously, I'm in tears!

[jjimm]

That is old but awesome. One of the most brilliantly executed pranks ever.

'Pathetic'? No. Cruel, yes, but so funny it's forgivable. And I regret to say that telemarketers are way down my pity list.

[BigT]

I do find it cruel, but also an interesting exercise in social engineering. I would think someone of even average intelligence would have figured out that this was a prank, and that policies would cover what to do if you are in an unusual situation like this.

Heck, how easy would it be to hangup, and then, if the person calls back, say you were disconnected? Very little risk in assuming this is a prank.

[tumbleddown]

Who are you folks who still answer phone calls from telemarketers? Do you not have Caller ID? Do you not have voicemail?

[Lynn Bodoni]

Originally Posted by tumbleddown

Who are you folks who still answer phone calls from telemarketers? Do you not have Caller ID? Do you not have voicemail?

Actually, no, my husband and I don't have Caller ID. Bill occasionally gets called in during a work emergency, and for security reasons, his work phone doesn't give a number for Caller ID. So if we look at the screen, we're not going to know if a call of unknown origin is from his job (in which case he DOES need to answer the phone and probably has to go to the shop) or if it's from another damned telemarketer, in which case we ask for the contact info, and then inform the caller that we're on the DNC list, and have been for years.

[Shodan]

Originally Posted by Lynn Bodoni

Actually, no, my husband and I don't have Caller ID. Bill occasionally gets called in during a work emergency, and for security reasons, his work phone doesn't give a number for Caller ID. So if we look at the screen, we're not going to know if a call of unknown origin is from his job (in which case he DOES need to answer the phone and probably has to go to the shop) or if it's from another damned telemarketer, in which case we ask for the contact info, and then inform the caller that we're on the DNC list, and have been for years.

And if it is those assholes from Credit Account Services, they will ignore the DNC list and call you on your cell phone, repeatedly.

Regards,
Shodan

[Sailboat]

Originally Posted by tumbleddown

Who are you folks who still answer phone calls from telemarketers? Do you not have Caller ID? Do you not have voicemail?

We have relatives in prison. Probably to keep everything private, calls from the prison show up as unidentifiable numbers. We have to accept all such calls or else risk failing to pick up the prisoner's calls, and they will eventually take away his phone privileges if no one answers his calls.

We are also getting calls from telemarketers despite being on the DNC list. Also someone called the other night from a blocked number and wanted to ask if we'd received a stupid paper phone book. Yeah, the horse-drawn carriage brought it.

[Captain Midnight]

They still have telemarketing in the USA?

I remember when the "Don't Call List" bill was going through Congress and it passed in the Senate 95-0. If the other 5 people were there, they would of voted for it too. Bush was more than happy to sign it. Frankly, this was the only good thing at all George W. did for the country, but when everyone hates the shit, there is not too much of an ideological stand. One of the few people who voted agaisnt it was Ron Paul, who as a Libertarian would think this would be a restrain of trade.

This seemed to me to send a clear and unmistakable message, we hate telemarketing. It doesn't matter if you are a man or woman, where you are from, socioeconomic divisions (most US Senators are very wealthy and they hate them as much as someone with a normal life and income) and every political stripe.

Concerning landlines, I hated that the phone company made someone pay more money to keep a number private and out of the phone book. I still do not like giving my number out to anybody. if you have my number, you will call and bother me. I hate phones anyway. They make intrusive noises and it is a way for strangers to invade your private space. I have a mobile, but the ring tone is off, and remains off unless I expect a call.

Charities are exempt. These are the motherscratchers who do this the most. However, like I said, the ringer on my cell is off, and if I did have a landline, I would remove the bells and have Caller I.D. The bells, not my balls. The bells.

[pbbth]

At least that extended car warranty scam seems to have stopped. I haven't gotten one of those calls in almost a year but for a while I got 3 or 4 calls a day from them despite the fact that I don't own a car. I hope whoever thought up that bullshit spends the next 20 years in solitary confinement. Or better yet in solitary confinement with the occasional call to try and sell them a car warranty.

[Lynn Bodoni]

Originally Posted by pbbth

At least that extended car warranty scam seems to have stopped. I haven't gotten one of those calls in almost a year but for a while I got 3 or 4 calls a day from them despite the fact that I don't own a car. I hope whoever thought up that bullshit spends the next 20 years in solitary confinement. Or better yet in solitary confinement with the occasional call to try and sell them a car warranty.

And they should get those calls when they're trying to sleep. There's nothing like being wakened every 45 minutes by an aggravating and unnecessary phone call.

http://www.ftc.gov/opa/2010/08/voicetouch.shtm

[Antinor01]

Originally Posted by pbbth

At least that extended car warranty scam seems to have stopped. I haven't gotten one of those calls in almost a year but for a while I got 3 or 4 calls a day from them despite the fact that I don't own a car. I hope whoever thought up that bullshit spends the next 20 years in solitary confinement. Or better yet in solitary confinement with the occasional call to try and sell them a car warranty.

I totally agree. They were/(are?) that magical combo of a scam, annoying and breaking the DNC list laws. Maybe they'll need some new siding for their cell.

[zoid]

For those of us at work, anyone care to give a rundown of the link?

[septimus]

Originally Posted by zoid

For those of us at work, anyone care to give a rundown of the link?

I found it hilarious. When Tom finds out it's a telemarketer calling, he yells something like "Photograph the body, dust for prints" to "detectives" in the room with him, and notifies the caller he's called a homicide scene. He wants to know what business the caller had with the deceased, orders him to stay on the line, etc.

(But I think it was staged with a straightman, rather than a real telemarketer calling.)

[Lynn Bodoni]

If you don't want to receive telemarketing calls in the US, you have to make the ENORMOUS effort to register your phone number(s) with the gummint. It took me about 10 minutes to do so, I believe.

But.

The politicians exempted charities, polls, political calls, and companies that have a previous business relationship from having to use the DNC list. Plus, any company can call you up, and when you mention that you're on the DNC list, the pond scum that's on the phone will declare that s/he's putting you on the company DNC list right now, but it might take several days to take effect. So, in practice, the DNC list is quite helpful, but it's not as nice as it SHOULD be. That is, there should be a way to opt out of ALL of these calls, including charities, polls, and political calls. We used to get several telemarketing calls a day, and now it's a very rare occurence. So there are still some telemarketing firms that are active, they've just switched their focus from for-profit businesses to charities, polls, and political calls.

However, there are some companies that just flat out ignore the law, as Shodan stated. The Credit Account Services was one company, and there was some sort company that was offering car warranties, and also one that was doing carpet cleaning. Fortunately, the People In Charge Of These Things tend to go after these companies with enthusiasm.

I rarely give out my phone number to ANY business these days, and also I rarely give out the email that I use most of the time. I've told those businesses that I have a relationship with to never call me with special promotions or in fact for any reason other than something like I've left a book in their store. For the most part, they'll put me on the company DNC list. A few companies wouldn't. So I called up corporate HQ and told them that I wanted to terminate our business relationship, since they insisted on calling me even after I'd asked nicely to be put on the company DNC list. One company was huffy, but the others begged me to keep trading with them, and they'd personally make sure that I was never bugged again.

[lost4life]

I've been on the DNC list since the day it came out. The problem is, the people who call me the most are criminals trying to steal credit card and other information. I show them no mercy. If I can tie up some of their time, or make them hate their job, it's a good thing (remember, these are actual thieves).

The other groups that call are politicians and charities (many of which sound shady). If they're legit, I politely tell them I'm on the Do Not Call list. If they tell me they're exempt, I tell them it still means I don't want to be called, hence the name of the list. They are welcome to mail me information, as I will never give money over the phone. Legitimate charities will actually mail you something or direct you to a website.

[Lynn Bodoni]

Originally Posted by lost4life

I've been on the DNC list since the day it came out. The problem is, the people who call me the most are criminals trying to steal credit card and other information. I show them no mercy. If I can tie up some of their time, or make them hate their job, it's a good thing (remember, these are actual thieves).

The other groups that call are politicians and charities (many of which sound shady). If they're legit, I politely tell them I'm on the Do Not Call list. If they tell me they're exempt, I tell them it still means I don't want to be called, hence the name of the list. They are welcome to mail me information, as I will never give money over the phone. Legitimate charities will actually mail you something or direct you to a website.

Heh. There were some fundraising telemarketers who would make a deal with various charities, or who formed charities, in which most of the money raised would go into the fundraiser's pockets. I kept seeing newspaper articles about this, they'd have Cancer or Policeman's Benefit in their names, but they were keeping about 95 cents out of every dollar, or something like that.

So I got into the habit of requesting literature "by US Postal Service, please", and it pissed them right off. They didn't want to send literature unless I'd make a pledge, and I said that I wasn't going to make a pledge until I got the literature "oh, and be sure that it has the financial breakdown of how much money actually gets used for the charity, and how much for administration", which REALLY pissed them off.

Ever since the DNC list has been active, though, I've told all charities that I'm on that list for a REASON, and I don't give a damn if they're exempt, I still don't want to be called.

[Unintentionally Blank]

A friend of mine would say, in kind of an 'affected' voice:

SCHTEW!

"Excuse me, sir?"

MAHM'S MAKING SCHTEW!

"Uh,okay, may I speak to"

DO YOU LIKE SCHTEW?

Usually, that's about all it would take to get them to hang up.

[John DiFool]

I've been sorely tempted to use my extensive collection of R. Lee Ermey clips (from Full Metal Jacket, natch) on these idiots:

[Warning foul NSFW language]

"Hello, I'm looking for Joe W. Deadbeet, for the purposes of collecting an outstanding debt..."

"I don't believe I heard you correctly."

"Umm yes, is Mr. Deadbeet at home?"

"What do we got here, a fucking comedian."

"Err you see, he ran up $2000 dollars of charges with the Kute Kitten adult toy shop..."

"Jesus H. Christ..."

"And we've been trying to find him for several months now to collect the debt."

"Are you trying to offend me?"

"Umm no sir, but if you know the whereabouts of Mr. Deadbeet..."

"You are the lowest form of life on earth."

"Excuse me?"

"You don't scare me, work on it!"

"Umm anyway, if you know..."

"What is your major malfunction numbnuts?"

"I ah what?"

"Bullshit! The best part of you ran down the crack of your mama's ass and ended up as a brown stain on the mattress!"

"Wait, there's no need to get angry..."

"I'll bet you're the kind of guy who would fuck a person in the ass and not even give him the God-damned common courtesy to give him a reach around. Don't fuck me with me again!" <click>

* * * * *

I'm serious, I'm going to do it. In fact two of these assholes called me while I was typing out this message.

[Turek]

Originally Posted by John DiFool

"What is your major malfunction numbnuts?"

"I ah what?"

That's when you drop in some Pulp Fiction.

"Say 'what' again, motherfucker!"

[Hari Seldon]

My cell phone has a Brooklyn area code; it is on the DNC list too. Yet I got a call from an effing health insurance company claiming that my insurance was about to expire and didn't I want to renew it. Now I have never done business with them, never heard of them, they are not a charity and have no business calling me and lying to me. I also get calls from credit consolidation companies, also on the same cell phone. I have no debts (except for the current month's credit charges) so nothing to consolidate. I pity the telemarketers, forced to take these thankless jobs, but I hate them nonetheless. They are usually interrupting something and I have to jump up to answer the phone, interrupt dinner and it's some asshole trying some scam. Incidentally, I cannot recall the last time I got a telemarketing call from a legitimate business. Maybe they realize how futile it is.

[Larry Mudd]

I used to pretend to be open to talking to telemarketers - then, as they were giving their spiel, I would pretend to be masturbating. Not over-the-top, mind -- just enough to make them uncomfortable and want to end the call, and to amuse whoever happened to be in the room with me at the time.

I used to have more time - and I was frequently high.

[Lynn Bodoni]

Incidentally, I cannot recall the last time I got a telemarketing call from a legitimate business. Maybe they realize how futile it is.

Or maybe they don't want to piss off potential customers. Plus, it's a sleazy way of doing business.

[Canadjun]

One very weird thing about Canada's Do Not Call list - newspapers trying to get you to subscribe are exempt!

[Serenata67]

That link was pretty funny. I wish I had the guts do to something like that. I would love to do that. I stopped having a land line because all I ever got was telemarketers on it.

[LilShieste]

Come on guys, we shouldn't pick on telemarketers.

Obligatory SDMB link: http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/...ad.php?t=51270

[BrotherCadfael]

Originally Posted by LilShieste

Come on guys, we shouldn't pick on telemarketers.

I have absolutely no problem with picking on telemarketers. If they don't like it, they can get a more respectable job. Like Panama pimp or child pornographer.

[FrancisCastle]

When I was 17 I worked for a place that used "cold calling" to try to sell their vaccuums. My scheduled hours were from 4pm to 7pm (Dinner time). Three hours of rude responses was enough for me to know I wasn't cut out for that job.

Where I work now, we receive a lot of pre-recorded telemarketing calls. Usually you have to listen to the entire message and at the end there will an option to press a number to be added to their DNC list. Sometimes I end up getting the same call a couple times in one day because of the numerous lines the company has.