"Lucky Charms! With Bloody Teeth!"

[Eve]

They're not magically delicious! I grabbed some cereal off the shelf at the deli this morning and missed the Cheerios, winding up--much to my chagrin--with Lucky Charms. I opened it, nervously, and was greeted by . . . I have no idea what.

I can kind of recognize the "blue moons" and the "green clovers" (which are actually clovers stamped on some parellelogram-type shape). But the rest of the charms . . . One appears to be a bloody tooth: a white, tooth-shaped object with a smear of dark pink at one end. To represent the upshot of the St. Paddy's Parade? Another appears to be a kicky 1960s Courreges dress in blue and white, which is highly unlikely.

I tried to nibble on one of the bloody teeth, and it was not magically delicious. It tasted like something a Peep had thrown up.

[Mama Zappa]

All the marshmallows taste that way - or at least they did, the last time I was (un)fortunate enough to sample this particular delicacy.

I cannot be the only one who saw this thread and thought you'd broken a tooth on the stuff!! I'm relieved that I was wrong.

[hogarth]

Originally Posted by Mama Zappa

I cannot be the only one who saw this thread and thought you'd broken a tooth on the stuff!! I'm relieved that I was wrong.

I also thought that.

Now, if the title said "Cap'n Crunch! With Bloody Gums!", there would be no ambiguity whatsoever.

[DCnDC]

Originally Posted by Mama Zappa

I cannot be the only one who saw this thread and thought you'd broken a tooth on the stuff!! I'm relieved that I was wrong.

I was expecting a story about finding an actual bloody tooth in the cereal, like there had been some horrible accident at the factory followed by some very shoddy quality control.

[Chefguy]

Originally Posted by DCnDC

I was expecting a story about finding an actual bloody tooth in the cereal, like there had been some horrible accident at the factory followed by some very shoddy quality control.

Interesting word, shoddy. It comes from that part of the world, where the original meaning was for an inferior quality of cloth made out of cloth remnants. And you thought you wouldn't learn anything in this thread.

[Annie-Xmas]

Originally Posted by Eve

I tried to nibble on one of the bloody teeth, and it was not magically delicious. It tasted like something a Peep had thrown up.

I am so stealing that last sentence!

Annie-Xmas, lover of both peeps and the writings of Eve

[Eve]

My friend Mel guesses they are a special commemorative 'The Troubles' edition of Lucky Charms: "Bloody teeth! Brass knuckles! Silver bullets!"

[Miller]

Originally Posted by Eve

My friend Mel guesses they are a special commemorative 'The Troubles' edition of Lucky Charms: "Bloody teeth! Brass knuckles! Silver bullets!"

Silver bullets? Were there a lot of Proddy werewolves running around in Belfast in 1920?

[Biffy the Elephant Shrew]

Originally Posted by Eve

My friend Mel guesses they are a special commemorative 'The Troubles' edition of Lucky Charms: "Bloody teeth! Brass knuckles! Silver bullets!"

Originally Posted by Miller

Silver bullets? Were there a lot of Proddy werewolves running around in Belfast in 1920?

"Orange men!"

[Slithy Tove]

You've been fobbed off with junk charms. Lucky the Leprechaun took a bath in the Irish housing market. "Sure'n the skies th' limit!" my ass.

[KinkiNipponTourist]

Are you KIDDING? I pay upwards of $35 for a box of those bad boys! But I will agree, Lucky the Elf has totally whored himself out, the games on the back of the box are insultingly lame, and the grody marshmallows are horrendous-looking shooting stars. Yeah, they look like bloody teeth. What sort of marketing wonks sat around a table and thought those ugly horrors looked like fun?

I say they put down the crack pipes and bring us back to the halcyon days of pink hearts, yellow moons, orange stars, green clover, and even the latecomer, blue diamonds.

Having said that, I happily scarf them down whenever I get my hands on them. Savor each spoonful/nasty marshmallow blob, and think of starving dopers in faraway lands.

ETA: Hi Santa!

[Eve]

Maybe I can find a Valley of the Dolls edition: "Blue downers! Red uppers! Yellow gin bottles!"

[Biffy the Elephant Shrew]

Originally Posted by Eve

Maybe I can find a Valley of the Dolls edition: "Blue downers! Red uppers! Yellow gin bottles!"

I miss the promotion they had circa 1967. "Orange sunshine! Blue microdot! Purple haze! And mellow yellow. Owsley says it's magically delicious!"

[Slithy Tove]

The blue diamonds are the source of those "online viagra - no prescription"spams

[Little Nemo]

Originally Posted by Eve

Maybe I can find a Valley of the Dolls edition: "Blue downers! Red uppers! Yellow gin bottles!"

"They're tragically malicious!"

[Bryan Ekers]

The thing to remember about Lucky Charms is the original colors were green potatoes, red blood of patriots and the yellow right bastard Englishman that sends his goons to evict ye!

[Sigmagirl]

You got the last promo box of "Easter Parade" Lucky Charms, an early experimental product placement. Look inside to see if there's a little card notifying you you've won a date with Peter Lawford!

[Infovore]

I think the broken tooth marshmallow is supposed to be a shooting star. That's the only one I can find that resembles what you describe.

I like Lucky Charms marshmallows. I don't buy the cereal anymore because whenever I do I end up picking all the marshmallows out and being left with nothing but a box of boring cereal, which seems like kind of a waste.

[aruvqan]

Originally Posted by Infovore

I like Lucky Charms marshmallows. I don't buy the cereal anymore because whenever I do I end up picking all the marshmallows out and being left with nothing but a box of boring cereal, which seems like kind of a waste.

So just buy the marshmallow pieces by themselves =)

[kaylasdad99]

Originally Posted by Infovore

I like Lucky Charms marshmallows. I don't buy the cereal anymore because whenever I do I end up picking all the marshmallows out and being left with nothing but a box of boring cereal, which seems like kind of a waste.

Truth in advertising.

Sorry about the misspelling of "marshmallows".

[digs]

Originally Posted by Infovore

I like Lucky Charms marshmallows. I don't buy the cereal anymore because whenever I do I end up picking all the marshmallows out and being left with nothing but a box of boring cereal, which seems like kind of a waste.

You and my kids. The kindest birthday present ever was when my daughter bought multiple boxes of LC's, poured them in a huge bowl, and proceeded to (with the help of the neighbor kids) sort all the marshmallows into one box. When her little brother opened his box of "Just The Marshmallows" Lucky Charms, he was in heaven.

[purplehorseshoe]

Yup, shooting star. Same "flavor" as the original marshmallows from decades ago. My username is my cite.

[TriPolar]

When my kids were little, Lucky Charms ran a promotion where you could send in a box top of something and receive a free pine tree sapling to plant. Both my kids sent in their requests, but only one tree arrived. I called General Mills and asked to speak to Lucky, but apparently he wasn't in that day. However his secretary assured me he would personally look into the matter and send out another tree. A couple of weeks later the second tree arrived. I consider this proof of the existence of leprauchans, and Lucky in particular. Since leprauchans are actually evil little bastards, I wouldn't be surprised at actual broken teeth showing up in your cereal. Also the lawn guy ended up mowing down the trees, and I had always suspected he was actually a leprauchan.

[kaylasdad99]

At the risk of spoiling the fun by revealing the mystery, here are a couple of links. The first one is to a blog that includes a picture of THIRTEEN marbits, along with their descriptions. The bloody teeth probably are, in fact, red shooting stars.

The second one, I'm not prepared to claim that it is a Courreges dress, but it did come up when I performed a google image search on "courreges dress." Based on that, I'm going to postulate that Eve's "a kicky 1960s Courreges dress in blue and white" is a blue shooting star.

[Acsenray]

Originally Posted by kaylasdad99

At the risk of spoiling the fun by revealing the mystery, here are a couple of links. The first one is to a blog that includes a picture of THIRTEEN marbits, along with their descriptions. The bloody teeth probably are, in fact, red shooting stars.

Are you kidding me? None of those things actually looks like anything at all. In my day the pink hearts, yellow moons, orange stars, green clovers, and blue diamonds at least were recognizable!

[bup]

Originally Posted by John Hodgman

There is...an interactive exhibit on how Lucky Charms are made. Here it is shown how the leprechauns are first flayed and then pulped to be turned into the marshmallows. Off to the side are waist-high piles of abandoned little green hats that will be shipped back to Ireland under international treaty.

...

[Irishman]

Originally Posted by kaylasdad99

At the risk of spoiling the fun by revealing the mystery, here are a couple of links. The first one is to a blog that includes a picture of THIRTEEN marbits, along with their descriptions. The bloody teeth probably are, in fact, red shooting stars.

The second one, I'm not prepared to claim that it is a Courreges dress, but it did come up when I performed a google image search on "courreges dress." Based on that, I'm going to postulate that Eve's "a kicky 1960s Courreges dress in blue and white" is a blue shooting star.

Wow, 6 colors of shooting stars? That seems like a waste. They've been pretty stupid with the shapes for some time, so I'm not surprised.

Originally Posted by Acsenray

Are you kidding me? None of those things actually looks like anything at all. In my day the pink hearts, yellow moons, orange stars, green clovers, and blue diamonds at least were recognizable!

Yeah, they made changes that weren't improvements.

I was okay with purple horseshoes - those seem reasonable as lucky charms. Then they came up with the multi-color marshmallow process, and that drove them to change the traditional shapes/colors so they could make them "brighter". Thus they came up with the Pot of Gold, which has a yellow pot and a "gold" (orange) spot at the top. They modified the green clover to be a leprechaun hat with a green clover on it so they could have two colors of green. The made a rainbow that is three colored. They got rid of blue diamonds, made the yellow moons blue (because blue moons are culturally the luckier item and so they could retain blue while replacing the yellow with the pot of gold). And then they replaced the orange stars with "shooting stars", which are the bizarrest piece. You see, they orange star has an orange tail, but the tail would be too fragile if it were just the tail, so they made the white part as "background" or whatever for the tail, and thus it's a shooting star. Except it doesn't look like anything. The white doesn't really make sense - shooting stars are seen at night, shouldn't the background be black?

And the shapes are fairly indistinct. I mean, marshmallow isn't the best medium for high detail sculpture anyway, so simpler shapes are better. The hearts, horseshoes, and moons are reasonable. The balloons just look like blobs. The "hat", "pot of gold", and "shooting star" are all unindentifiable as objects - they have to be explained. Multiple colors of shooting stars is taking the worst peice and making more of them in the most ridiculous way possible. (Maybe I shouldn't say that - they could take that as inspiration.)

[Eve]

Originally Posted by Irishman

They modified the green clover to be a leprechaun hat with a green clover on it so they could have two colors of green.

Oh, is that what that was? I was baffled. I know a bloody tooth when I see, it, though.

[Motorgirl]

"Pink hearts, yellow moons, orange stars, green clovers. And now blue diamonds!" [/bad Irish accent]

My brain seizes up after that and can't list any more marshmallow types. I think the next ones along were purple horseshoes.

Wikipedia tells me that blue diamonds were introduced in 1975. They still seem new to me, even though I was 5 in 1975.

[Cat Whisperer]

It's a bit early, but what the hell - Happy St. Patrick's Day!

[Scumpup]

Irish Breakfast: Guinness with Lucky Charms in it.

[Chronos]

"Pink hearts, yellow moons, orange stars, green clovers. And now blue diamonds!" [/bad Irish accent]

My brain seizes up after that and can't list any more marshmallow types. I think the next ones along were purple horseshoes.

You can probably pin down a person's age pretty closely by asking them what the definitive set of marbits is. Me, I include Purple Horseshoes (though I remember them being New! and Exciting!), but my brain refuses to recognize anything after that as "real".

[davidm]

Are you certain they're not real bloody teeth? Maybe there was an accident at the factory!

[KneeSid]

You do realize Lucky Charms is nothing more than broken Cheerios and recycled circus peanuts

[Eve]

Originally Posted by KneeSid

You do realize Lucky Charms is nothing more than broken Cheerios and recycled circus peanuts

That would explain the "taste."

[TBG]

Originally Posted by KneeSid

You do realize Lucky Charms is nothing more than broken Cheerios and recycled circus peanuts

No no no, it's broken Alphabits and dehydrated leprechaun droppings.

[Eve]

Originally Posted by TBG

No no no, it's broken Alphabits and dehydrated leprechaun droppings.

Again, yep, "taste."

[BigT]

Lucky Charms is one cereal where the generic is better. I think we get the Malt-o-Meal version, but I'm not sure.

Then again, it's been forever since I've been able to eat them, so, for all I know, my memories of the taste are false.

[Zulema]

Originally Posted by BigT

Lucky Charms is one cereal where the generic is better. I think we get the Malt-o-Meal version, but I'm not sure.

Then again, it's been forever since I've been able to eat them, so, for all I know, my memories of the taste are false.

I agree. Marshmallow Mateys are far superior to Lucky Charms. The cereal/ marshmallow balance is more balanced and they come in a kichen trash bag sized bag for $4.00.

[Tamex]

Originally Posted by Zulema

I agree. Marshmallow Mateys are far superior to Lucky Charms. The cereal/ marshmallow balance is more balanced and they come in a kichen trash bag sized bag for $4.00.

I had a friend in college who loved "Marshmallow Mateys", but he, a math major, called them "Marshmallow Calculus", because one of the cereal pieces looked like the integral sign.

We all called the cereal pieces in Lucky Charms (or Marshmallow Mateys) "cat food". Guess the shapes kind of resemble Purina, sort of.

[aruvqan]

Originally Posted by Tamex

I had a friend in college who loved "Marshmallow Mateys", but he, a math major, called them "Marshmallow Calculus", because one of the cereal pieces looked like the integral sign.

We all called the cereal pieces in Lucky Charms (or Marshmallow Mateys) "cat food". Guess the shapes kind of resemble Purina, sort of.

Purina Bachelor Chow

[Tamex]

Originally Posted by aruvqan

Purina Bachelor Chow

Exactly.

[rocking chair]

...and i just bought 3 large boxes. ah, well, i still have frosted flakes, capt'n crunch, and trix.

[furryman]

There was a trend several years back where they sold food products colored in psychedelic colors. I kept thinking about the red cereal the dad was advertising in the novel Cujo.

[gnoitall]

Originally Posted by rocking chair

...and i just bought 3 large boxes. ah, well, i still have frosted flakes, capt'n crunch, and trix.

That's the real problem with Lucky Charms. They're a gateway drug to Frosted Flakes. Sweet, sweet, crack-frosted flakes. /drool

But a huge bowl of Lucky Charms, hand-picked to be very marbit-heavy, and swimming in half-and-half... a pretty good way to get sugar-buzzed and crank my LDL numbers while pretending it's still "a nutritious part of a complete breakfast."

[Sunspace]

Originally Posted by rocking chair

...and i just bought 3 large boxes. ah, well, i still have frosted flakes, capt'n crunch, and trix.

You must read Breakfast of the Gods by Brendan Douglas Jones.

[kaylasdad99]

Originally Posted by Sunspace

You must read Breakfast of the Gods by Brendan Douglas Jones.

Seconded.

[Chefguy]

Is it true that every box comes with a free bar of Irish Spring?

[Biffy the Elephant Shrew]

Originally Posted by Chefguy

Is it true that every box comes with a free bar of Irish Spring?

Yes, and it tastes better than the marshmallows.

[Jeep's Phoenix]

Does anyone remember the hourglass shape with the dissolving center?

I remember when they introduced the red balloon...I thought it was awesome. I still have Lucky Charms in my pantry.