Text Messaging DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY!!!

[FirstLoser]

I must preface this by stating that we have the cheapest, most basic Verizon cell phone plan....with the cheapest, most basic phones you can get. Other plans/phones may work differently.

Me via text: I need to know where the checkbook is...I have to pay my child-support today.

Her: no reply

Me via text (2 hours later): Please! Where is the checkbook? I need to pay my child support today.

Her: no reply

Me via text (2 more hours later): Look, I know you're angry with me...but I really need to know where the checkbook is, I'm leaving to pick up my kids and I have to pay my child support.

Her: no reply

Me: goes to bank and withdraws $500 cash

Her (10 minutes after): I see you withdrew $500 from the bank...going to spend it on booze and whores I'm sure!

Me: I asked you where the checkbook is, you didn't answer.

Her: Yes I did. Enjoy your drunk!

Fast forward to later that night....

Me: I only took cash out because you wouldn't tell me where the check book is.

Her: I sent you a text telling you where it was, (and this is the important part) but YOU DELETED MY MESSAGE.

Me: ??????

Me: I never got that text...and HOW would you possibly know if I deleted it?

Her: Because, on my phone, there is a little red X next to the message. That means you deleted it.

Me: no...sweetie...that means the message never went through. it means the message wasn't sent. it means sending failed.

Her: NO! That means you deleted it without reading it!!!

Me: No, honey-buns....that means the message failed to send. We have the .99 cent plan on Verizon....we don't get fancy stuff like that. I could delete your message....piss on it....set my phone on fire and mail it to the Pope....and you would never know....you'd still have that little green check that tells you "all is good....you're off the hook....you sent the text message....and it went through. Coddled man got his instructions"

SO! We did an experiment.....

Sitting at the kitchen table....

Me: Send me a text right now.

Her: Fine.

oh....she was so smug......

Me: ok...got the text (subject:"drunken liar"....but I digress)

Me: So here is my phone...here is your message...now look at your phone...do you have a green check mark next to the message you sent? Yes? Good? I'm deleting your message without ever reading it. We're in agreement here, right? this is what you are accusing me of doing? This EXACT scenario?

Her: Yes....you'll see...it will change to a red X indicating you deleted my message.

Me: No, buttercup, it won't. You see, the green check means the message was sent successfully. The red X means it was not. Nothing more.

Argument continues well into the night......

Me: So do me a favor...check your phone. Still a green check mark next to that message we experimented with earlier????

Her: Yes...still a green check

Me: See? It has nothing to do with me deleting your messages...

Her: Well...on MY PHONE...when a message is deleted...

Me: WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.......on YOUR phone????

Her: Yes

Me: Isn't THAT your phone????

Her: Yes.

Me: Isn't this MY phone???

Her: Yes.

Me: Gah!

[Joey P]

You lost me at the end. Maybe you could finish the story.

[Ravenman]

Wow. The issue of whether a text message is deleted or not seems to be the least significant issue in that whole episode.

[Astroboy14]

So... why you deleting her messages without reading them?

[davidm]

Spending the child support money on booze and whores? Shame on you!

But seriously, I HATE getting into an "energetic discussion" with someone who is certain they're right and can't be convinced otherwise; not because they're right, but because they can't grasp the technology.

The smug look as they explain why I'm wrong and they're right can make it difficult to remain civil. You have to struggle to keep from being reduced to screaming over and over "!t doesn't work like that!"

[Normal Phase]

Originally Posted by Astroboy14

So... why you deleting her messages without reading them?

Not to mention spending his wife's money on booze and whores. For shame, OP.

[FirstLoser]

Thanks Guys. Just had to rant a little.

Yes, the text messaging is the LEAST significant issue. Its just a symptom of the bigger problems.

Not sure if you're serious Joey P....but that is the end of the story....she told me "it works "differently" on her phone...yet we were taliking about her phone.

And...Astroboy14....point taken...Thank you.

[kanicbird]

Originally Posted by FirstLoser

Thanks Guys. Just had to rant a little.

Yes, the text messaging is the LEAST significant issue. Its just a symptom of the bigger problems.

Yes a much bigger problem. Anything that goes wrong she will blame it on you. Logic can't prevail in this situation as you see from her reaction. Even if you get her to admit she was wrong, the conversation will end with it doesn't matter if she made a mistake because it's your still fault for putting her into this situation that she things everything is your fault.

You are in the classic no-win situation, as anything that goes wrong will be blamed on you, things out of your control, in her mind, will be your fault. This tends to wear on a person and diminish their self image, so be careful, and continue to reach out to others.

It may be helpful to also shift your view of the situation to she is mentally ill and can not think logically, for someone blinded by anger, which she seems to have, actually can not think logically, so it is a valid way of looking at it.

[FirstLoser]

Thanks davidm...I don't know how many times I said those words last night...."It doesn't work like that!!!"

[Zebra]

X I bet you deleted this too!

[zoid]

At this point booze and whores sound like your best option frankly.

[needscoffee]

Originally Posted by FirstLoser

Thanks davidm...I don't know how many times I said those words last night...."It doesn't work like that!!!"

Wait, so did I!

[Zulema]

Why was she already mad at him and why was she hovering over the bank balance? Sounds like she was pissed he has to pay child support and was intentionally not answering the texts. Her text sure worked fine when she wanted to bitch about the cash being gone.

[Encinitas]

Well, the follow-up experiment is to have her compose another text message and deliberately not send it. Should have a red X next to it. However, now that you've both slept on it, maybe it's better to let it drop.

[Bob Ducca]

You both sound like lovely people.

[FoieGrasIsEvil]

Well, you sent her multiple texts asking where the checkbook was...why did she attempt to reply only once? She should have grokked that her first message didn't get through if you were sending her more texts asking about the checkbook again.

[Isamu]

1. Find your checkbook and keep it with you from now on.
2. Get a separate bank account that your GF/wife doesn't have access to.
3. Booze and whores.

[SecretaryofEvil]

Originally Posted by Isamu

1. Find your checkbook and keep it with you from now on.
2. Get a separate bank account that your GF/wife doesn't have access to.
3. Booze and whores.

Good advice

[PlainJain]

Booze and whores is the new hookers and blow.

[FoieGrasIsEvil]

Originally Posted by PlainJain

Booze and whores is the new hookers and blow.

Nah, booze and whores predates hookers and blow. The new hookers and blow has something to do with strippers, bananas and chrysanthemums.

[Cat Whisperer]

Originally Posted by digs

Not me. I'd be changing the channels so fast... in the middle of the texting episode, I'd think "No one would put up with this crap in real life!" ... and, click ... Oh, Dick Van Dyke! Much more realistic! (well, at least the characters like each other)

Apparently, everyone on the "Dick Van Dyke Show" were bombed constantly.

Originally Posted by drewtwo99

Stolen from Bender from Futurama, I must admit, though it is one of my favorite lines he ever said. Glad it got at least one laugh!<snip>

My favourite line stolen from a show is, "I see. And have you tried making sense?" It seems appropriate for this situation.

Originally Posted by PlainJain

Booze and whores is the new hookers and blow.

It's because of the economy.

[Frank]

Originally Posted by FoieGrasIsEvil

Well, you sent her multiple texts asking where the checkbook was...why did she attempt to reply only once? She should have grokked that her first message didn't get through if you were sending her more texts asking about the checkbook again.

She thought he was drunk. For all we know, he was.

[kayaker]

Something needs deleted, and it aint a text message.

[PunditLisa]

I think you should both be focusing more on the red flags more than the red x's. But, okay.

P.S. Why weren't her texts going through?

[beowulff]

Why didn't you just CALL her?

[FoieGrasIsEvil]

Originally Posted by beowulff

Why didn't you just CALL her?

Because then you'd have to get off the lawn.

[davidm]

Originally Posted by beowulff

Why didn't you just CALL her?

You know, that's the best point in the whole thread. Why don't people have actual phone conversations? Hell, I text so seldom that I don't even have a text plan. It's cheaper to just pay for the three or four a month that I use.

Actual conversations are much less open to misunderstanding and there's no question in your mind that they got the message. (Yes, I know there's such a thing as voicemail hell, but when I leave a voicemail, people usually call (not text) back.

Plus, I can talk a lot faster than I can type.

[kayaker]

Originally Posted by davidm

Why don't people have actual phone conversations?

Some people do not like talking on the phone. Me for instance. I have no land-line, just a cellphone. I send/receive dozens of texts each day, but talk on the phone only as a last resort. My gf (we cohabit) has a land-line. Unless I know she is expecting an urgent call, I would never think to answer it when it rings.

[davidm]

Originally Posted by kayaker

Some people do not like talking on the phone. Me for instance. I have no land-line, just a cellphone. I send/receive dozens of texts each day, but talk on the phone only as a last resort. My gf (we cohabit) has a land-line. Unless I know she is expecting an urgent call, I would never think to answer it when it rings.

Okay. I understand some people have phone problems. My boss, for example, stutters, so we usually just communicate at work through Google Chat. It makes sense in this case, and a full sized keyboard isn't as painstaking as trying to type on a cellphone.

But unless FirstLoser has a problem like that, he could have avoided this whole thing by simply having a conversation with another human being.

[kayaker]

Originally Posted by davidm

he could have avoided this whole thing by simply having a conversation with another human being.

I cannot imagine wanting to have a conversation with this specific human being, though.

[RaftPeople]

Originally Posted by davidm

But unless FirstLoser has a problem like that, he could have avoided this whole thing by simply having a conversation with another human being.

This is true.

If FirstLoser had that conversation with another human being instead of person described in OP it would have gone much better.

[cckerberos]

Originally Posted by davidm

Plus, I can talk a lot faster than I can type.

For a simple, say, "what time are you coming?" texting is faster than calling, IME.

[davidm]

Originally Posted by cckerberos

For a simple, say, "what time are you coming?" texting is faster than calling, IME.

Typing it, sending it, then waiting for a response?

Let's see. On my phone, I scroll down, hit "Messaging", then hit the plus to enter a new message. Then either look up or enter a number. Enter the message. Hit send. Wait for her response. When I hear the response come in, hit the button at the top of the phone, slide the lock screen (or whatever it's called) up, hit "Messaging", read the message.

Or...

Hold down the button on the bottom of the phone for a second or two then, when it beeps say "call Suzy", ask her what time she's coming when she answers, hear her response, maybe exchange some other important details, then hang up.

The conversation is quicker overall. Also we may exchange additional info we wouldn't have thought of when texting because the conversation is more spontaneous and there are vocal emotional cues.

It's like a telephone versus a telegraph.

Texting is good for asynchronous information that doesn't necessarily require an immediate response. You have a moment free so you send it even though you know they may not see it immediately and may not answer immediately. Even then you could make an argument for voicemail.

[Candyman74]

Originally Posted by davidm

Typing it, sending it, then waiting for a response?

Let's see. On my phone, I scroll down, hit "Messaging", then hit the plus to enter a new message. Then either look up or enter a number. Enter the message. Hit send. Wait for her response. When I hear the response come in, hit the button at the top of the phone, slide the lock screen (or whatever it's called) up, hit "Messaging", read the message.

Or...

Hold down the button on the bottom of the phone for a second or two then, when it beeps say "call Suzy", ask her what time she's coming when she answers, hear her response, maybe exchange some other important details, then hang up.

Why are you using voice control for one and not the other? That's going to bias your scientific analysis of how long it takes.

Hold down button and say "Ask Suzy: What time are you coming over?"

Done.

As opposed to: call Suzy, spend 10 minutes talking about nonsense, finally get the info needed.

[Typo Negative]

Originally Posted by beowulff

Why didn't you just CALL her?

This +1

Texting is NOT for important issues. If you have something important to say or need important info, time-sensitive info, then call.

Right??

[RaftPeople]

Originally Posted by spooje

Texting is NOT for important issues. If you have something important to say or need important info, time-sensitive info, then call.

Right??

If you are spooje then texting is NOT for important info.

For the rest of the planet that is fully capable of using texting in conjunction with important info, then texting IS for important info.

[Mangetout]

Originally Posted by RaftPeople

If you are spooje then texting is NOT for important info.

For the rest of the planet that is fully capable of using texting in conjunction with important info, then texting IS for important info.

Texting is not always suitable for time-critical or urgent response info. My cite is this thread.

[hajario]

Originally Posted by Mangetout

Texting is not always suitable for time-critical or urgent response info. My cite is this thread.

In particular when the one receiving the text is an angry passive aggressive ass.

[RaftPeople]

Originally Posted by Mangetout

Texting is not always suitable for time-critical or urgent response info. My cite is this thread.

Yes, it's not always suitable. I don't think that is in dispute.

[shijinn]

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Last edited by FirstLoser; Reason: Booze and whores.

[Shakes]

Not to make light of the OP's situation, but if his life were a TV sitcom; I'd be that sitcom's most avid fan.

[digs]

Originally Posted by Shakes

Not to make light of the OP's situation, but if his life were a TV sitcom; I'd be that sitcom's most avid fan.

Not me. I'd be changing the channels so fast... in the middle of the texting episode, I'd think "No one would put up with this crap in real life!" ... and, click ... Oh, Dick Van Dyke! Much more realistic! (well, at least the characters like each other)

[Kimballkid]

Originally Posted by shijinn

✘

Last edited by FirstLoser; Reason: Booze and whores.

That's weird. How does it work that a post by shijinn can be edited by FirstLoser?

[Bob Ducca]

Originally Posted by Kimballkid

That's weird. How does it work that a post by shijinn can be edited by FirstLoser?

I noticed that too. Very weird.

[MsWhatsit]

Originally Posted by Kimballkid

That's weird. How does it work that a post by shijinn can be edited by FirstLoser?

shijinn added that text to his own post, as a joke. You can tell because if you press the Quote button, it includes all that stuff in the quoted material, which doesn't happen with real "edited by" lines.

[Anaamika]

I get spam texts on my TracFone - which happens to be an LG - asking me to buy an iPhone.

[Kimballkid]

Originally Posted by MsWhatsit

shijinn added that text to his own post, as a joke. You can tell because if you press the Quote button, it includes all that stuff in the quoted material, which doesn't happen with real "edited by" lines.

Oh, OK. I've never noticed that before.

[saje]

Well, I can think of several reasons not to call -

-barely enough reception to text, not enough to call (as suggested by the fact of her texts not sending)

-not wanting a simple question to turn into a long diatribe (since they obviously are at daggers drawn)

-texts cheaper than calls (that a seriously WAG, but you never know)

-general avoidance behavior

[EmAnJ]

Yeah, I can understand texting only (I'm the same way with my husband), but in this case, because it was so urgent, I would have called.

Although the OP was right about this texting issue, overall there are much bigger problems. Yikes! Good luck FirstLoser.

[billfish678]

I'm just glad to see a father getting booze and whores for his kids on his day to keep them. And they say dads don't care these days.

Lets see. Girlfriend misunderstands technology (thinking it works how she thinks it should work). Girlfriend gets mad making assumptions about what boyfriend is doing while boyfriend is actually just trying to take care of business. Girlfriend stays mad and then gets smug. Girlfriend refutes logic and evidence that even God's lawyers couldn't work around. News at 11.

My condolences to the OP for undue pain and suffering.