We need to relocate Washington DC. Where?

[Diceman]

It's December of 2012. The Second Korean War has just ended. The North Korean government collapsed after Pyongyang got nuked, but it turns out that North Korea had a couple of ballistic missle subs that we didn't know about. In a related note, Washington DC is now an irradiated wasteland, off-limits to human habitation for at least the next couple of decades. The president (I'll take a pass on whether this is Obama, Romney, or whoever) has asked you to make a recommendation on where the new capitol should be placed. What do you tell him?

[steronz]

Omaha. It's where we send the POTUS in case of an attack anyway, so it must be pretty safe.

[Nawth Chucka]

At the very least you want to stay away from the Forbidden Zone, there's Fleshy-headed myootants there and radiation has made them an enemy of civilization! Find another place to build a capital for your children. Maybe Saskatoon, because who'd look there?

[Agent Foxtrot]

New York City, as God intended.

[Eve]

Originally Posted by Agent Foxtrot

New York City, as God intended.

Noooo! We have enough tsouris here with the damn UN!

[MOIDALIZE]

The bottom of the Marianas Trench.

[Czarcasm]

Originally Posted by Nawth Chucka

At the very least you want to stay away from the Forbidden Zone, there's Fleshy-headed myootants there...

The proper term for them is "Congressmen".

[Trans Fat Og]

Originally Posted by Nawth Chucka

At the very least you want to stay away from the Forbidden Zone, there's Fleshy-headed myootants there and radiation has made them an enemy of civilization! Find another place to build a capital for your children. Maybe Saskatoon, because who'd look there?

{Two ape leaders talking:}

"What?! You can't go follow the humans! They entered the Forbidden Zone!"

"You can't forbid me from going there! I forbid it!"

"You can't forbid me form forbidding you from entering the Forbidden Zone!!!"

- This is based on a snippet of dialogue from Mad Magazine's take-off on the second episode of the original Planet of the Apes series.

[Munch]

Originally Posted by steronz

Omaha. It's where we send the POTUS in case of an attack anyway, so it must be pretty safe.

Are you thinking of Operation Looking Glass?

Personally, I think we should also be looking towards the center of the country. Having the capital so close to the coast seems foolhardy. I'd think Denver would be a great choice, and plus, we can send all the conspiracy theorists even more bonkers.

[Missy2U]

How about Iowa? They could use the tourists. Cause nobody goes to Iowa on purpose now, do they?

[steronz]

Originally Posted by Munch

Are you thinking of Operation Looking Glass?

Nope.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Timelin...ber_11_attacks

2:50 pm, Bush arrives at Offutt AFB.

[Munch]

Originally Posted by steronz

Nope.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Timelin...ber_11_attacks

2:50 pm, Bush arrives at Offutt AFB.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Operation_Looking_Glass

The Looking Glass was initiated by the U.S. Air Force's Strategic Air Command in 1961 and operated by the 34th Air Refueling Squadron, Offutt AFB, Nebraska.

[E. Thorp]

Originally Posted by Diceman

The president (I'll take a pass on whether this is Obama, Romney, or whoever)

Nitpick: in December of 2012, Obama will be president regardless of the election's outcome.

[Earl Snake-Hips Tucker]

Originally Posted by E. Thorp

Nitpick: in December of 2012, Obama will be president regardless of the election's outcome.

Well, technically, it could possibly be Biden--or even Boehner!

[aruvqan]

What do I tell him?

A good start Sir. Now we have cleared all the old politicians out we can elect new ones.

[one of the main problems with Washington is all the old blood taking up seats and not being willing to understand that just because they keep getting re-elected does not mean they understand what a majority of the population actually wants. Many people have given up voting because they see absolutely no change no matter who and how they vote.]

I say Omaha, or wherever that hardened governmental bunker happens to be. I also vote to make them live down in the bunker in an assigned apartment with their families, and there to be a school for the dependents, medical clinics and everything needed. They can all eat in the Governmental Chow Hall, shop in the Governmental Exchange Store, no added expense of needing to set up a home back in their constituancy, a home in DC, an office in DC - they get a housing unit that serves as house and office, and they take the underground tramway to work, no need for an expensive car.

And if they get seriously stupid, we flood the base with nitrogen after sneaking out the non-poilticians, wait until they stop squirming, send in the SKs and start all over again.

[Zeldar]

I nominate Memphis.

[Diceman]

Originally Posted by E. Thorp

Nitpick: in December of 2012, Obama will be president regardless of the election's outcome.

You're assuming Obama survived the war. It might be the former Sec of Agriculture, or someone of that ilk. (OK, I forgot until it was too late that Romney couldn't be in office yet )

As for Texas, hell no between the hurricanes, summers straight out of the depths of Hell, and giant cockroaches, I'll happily stay up here. I like St. Louis for it's geographic center-ness. Maybe the Federal Government could purchase Missouri's bootheel as the new Federal District.

[Gatopescado]

Originally Posted by Diceman

Washington DC is now an irradiated wasteland, off-limits to human habitation for at least the next couple of decades....

And this is different how? Oh, the radiation.

Vegas, Baby! Its already sufficiently sleazy.

[Yeticus Rex]

Canada, the Marianas Trench, or a quarry....better yet.

The Executive branch goes to Fort Smith in the NWT, the judicial branch gets sent to The Trench, and the legislative branch gets the quarry.....could care less which quarry.

[mnemosyne]

Canada? We don't want your politicians! Even your lefties are righties!

I pick Chattanooga Tennessee because it amuses me to think the federal capital could be in a place that a significant percentage of Americans might not be able to spell (this "fact" is based on no information whatsoever and is merely a friendly joke and amusement at the funny spelling of Chattanooga Tennessee)

[Really Not All That Bright]

Originally Posted by mnemosyne

I pick Chattanooga Tennessee because it amuses me to think the federal capital could be in a place that a significant percentage of Americans might not be able to spell (this "fact" is based on no information whatsoever and is merely a friendly joke and amusement at the funny spelling of Chattanooga Tennessee)

We have better infrastructure in Cincinnati and can't spell that either.

[Ephemera]

Originally Posted by mnemosyne

Canada? We don't want your politicians! Even your lefties are righties!

I pick Chattanooga Tennessee because it amuses me to think the federal capital could be in a place that a significant percentage of Americans might not be able to spell (this "fact" is based on no information whatsoever and is merely a friendly joke and amusement at the funny spelling of Chattanooga Tennessee)

Fuck no. Keep them away.

[Satchmo]

I say we move it to Washington State, just to end the confusion for school children.

[Duckster]

Originally Posted by Satchmo

I say we move it to Washington State, just to end the confusion for school children.

There's some open land near Handford Site. They might feel right at home, too.

[Jragon]

Well, if we can't have it in the irradiated husk of D.C., we'll put it in the irradiated husk of Pyongyang.

[mkecane]

Detroit. The city could use a lift.

[Taomist]

Originally Posted by mkecane

Detroit. The city could use a lift.

Haven't the poor Micheganers suffered enough

On the other hand, it's a great idea. Nobody's left there ANYway, so...might as well.

[silenus]

Denver. Let's move the capital from the first stupidest place to build a city to the second stupidest place.

[ZenBeam]

I was thinking St. Louis would probably be near the center of US population, and as it turns out it's pretty close. Put it there temporarily, and build a new DC nearby.

ETA: The Median center is in Southern Indiana. St. Louis isn't far from from that either.

[Beware of Doug]

Originally Posted by ZenBeam

I was thinking St. Louis would probably be near the center of US population, and as it turns out it's pretty close. Put it there temporarily, and build a new DC nearby.

ETA: The Median center is in Southern Indiana. St. Louis isn't far from from that either.

Hmm. It's large, de facto segregated, and has miserable summers. This could work.

[Airman Doors, USAF]

I like the idea of New York. If we're lucky it'll get nuked again. In that scenario Philadelphia would also be a good choice, but only if we can find a way to make Independence Hall bombproof.

It would be a good idea given climate change to move it inland and south, so Texas it is. There's lots of room in West Texas, and if they can build a city in a malarial swamp they can build one in barren desert.

[Mdcastle]

Truth or Consequences.

I actually like the idea some place like Des Moines, Omaha, Kansas City, even St. Louis. They're centrally located in the central time zone with good highway access, lots of cheap land around, would draw population away from the coasts.

[njtt]

The surface of the Sun.

[Eve]

Originally Posted by njtt

The surface of the Sun.

"But we can't send men to the Sun--it's too hot!"
"That's OK, we'll send 'em at night!"

[Musicat]

Mexico. No one would think of looking there.

[Zyanthia]

Why not some place in South Dakota. So obscure, my senior year of high school, even Rand McNally couldn't place it on a map! Terrorists would never find us.

[Who_me?]

Since it'd be likely that I went up with DC, I doubt I would be able to answer anything.

[LouisB]

The geographical center of North Dakota.

[Jonathan Chance]

To jump on one of my dad's bugaboos...

Decentralize it. Congress goes one place with the judiciary and the White House. But the federal departments can be spread around the country. Agriculture to Omaha. HHS to San Antonio. FBI to Chicago and so forth. I think it could work these days.

[bup]

Originally Posted by Jonathan Chance

To jump on one of my dad's bugaboos...

Decentralize it. Congress goes one place with the judiciary and the White House. But the federal departments can be spread around the country. Agriculture to Omaha. HHS to San Antonio. FBI to Chicago and so forth. I think it could work these days.

Congress doesn't even go one place. They meet online.

[That Don Guy]

I wouldn't name any existing large city, because it would be too hard to insert the "capitol infrastructure" into an existing city. Also, I would choose somewhere where three states meet, so there's no problem about just one state having to give up land.

My choice is near Cairo, Illinois, where Missouri, Illinois, and Kentucky meet; it's "in the east" (where most of the people are), but not too far east nor too far north or south; also, it's where two major rivers meet.

If you need an "interim" city, either St. Louis or Kansas City.

[Little Nemo]

The population center of the United States is Plato, Missouri. That's a small village so not a good location for a national capital. But the city of Springfield, Missouri is close by, and has a nice all-American name.

[Little Nemo]

Originally Posted by Jonathan Chance

Decentralize it. Congress goes one place with the judiciary and the White House. But the federal departments can be spread around the country. Agriculture to Omaha. HHS to San Antonio. FBI to Chicago and so forth. I think it could work these days.

I'm just imagining the scene where the UN has to sit the United States down and tell it the test results have come back - the government has metastasized and the United States should start getting its affairs in order.

[shiftless]

The great Dismal swamp. Its close and its the same weather and terrain as DC. The founder fathers thought the capital should be in a God forsaken swamp, who are we to argue? Most of us won't even notice the change.

[Taomist]

Originally Posted by shiftless

The great Dismal swamp. Its close and its the same weather and terrain as DC. The founder fathers thought the capital should be in a God forsaken swamp, who are we to argue? Most of us won't even notice the change.

No, no no. That just won't do. Every summer they'd be smoked out when the GDS catches fire, as it always does. Then we'd have smoked politicians!

And...now I'm hungry.