I just said good-bye to My Baby

[PapSett]

I apologize in advance for any typos or spelling errors, I am typing with a broken heart thru the tears.

My oldest Ppillon Cricket was diagnosed with a severe heart murmur about a year and a half ago. With medication, it was largely kepy under control, but the last few months she has been having more and more bad days.

Last night the air conditioning in the house went out and it's been close to 90 here. She got over heated today and was having difficulty breathing. I tried icing her down, gave her an extra dose of medicine, but nothing helped. A friend picked me up and we took her to the emergency clinic. There was nothing that could be done and I held my baby in my arms as she left me peacefully.

Cricket was only 9 and a half, very young for a Papillon. She was a wonderful, happy little dog that loved all humans passionately. With other dogs, she was a snob, only enjoying the company of other Papillons. She hated my Setters with a passion.

When I got her at 8 weeks, she looked like a furry white tennis ball with legs. When her breeder handed her to me, I said "what a little butterbean!" and for the rest of her life, that remained her nickname, often shortened to just Bean.

She loved to play fetch and tug, and always carried a little stuffie around with her. When she laid down, she would use it as a pillow to prop her chin on. She took her medicine twice a day smooshed in a bit of braunsweiger; all I had to say was 'are you ready for you pill?" and she would run to the kitchen.

She absolutely loved to get a bath and be brushed and blow-dried. She would literally go to sleep while I groomed her. She loved going for walks and, especially, car rides.

I am going to miss her more than I can begin to say. I already do.

Good-bye my darling little Bean. Mama loves you.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v2.../Cricket-1.jpg

[aceplace57]

Dogs give us so much joy and occasionally, great heartache throughout our lives. My heart goes out to you at this difficult time. Grief as much as you need and I'd encourage you to try and remember the special times with Cricket.

[hajario]

Bean looked like such a sweetie. I am sorry for your loss.

[Rhiannon8404]

Oh, I'm so sorry! How helpless you must have felt. Poor little Cricket. She sounds like a wonderful dog.

[Brynda]

Oh, how sad for you. My condolences.

[StGermain]

PapSett - I'm so sorry to hear about Cricket. How tragic for you. I'm so glad you could be with her at the end. I feel that the grief and pain you feel is in direct proportion to the love you gave and received. Those people who don't feel anything at the loss of a pet never allowed themselves to love.

Godspeed, little Bean.

StG

[not what you'd expect]

I'm so sorry.

[ZipperJJ]

I usually don't participate in dead animal threads because they break my heart too much. I've apologized about it before. But I moused over and saw your baby had a heart murmur and mine does does too (although she's had it her whole life) and my brother's dog was just diagnosed with one so...I am just dreading the day.

I'm having a little cry for you and your baby. May peace be with both of you.

[Maiira]

Awwwwww, what a sweetheart.

I'm sorry for your loss, PapSett. She sounded like a wonderful friend.

[cwthree]

I'm so very sorry.

[nonacetone]

I'm so very sorry, PapSett. I send you my condolences.

[Eliahna]

So sorry to see your little friend has gone too soon. Thinking of you.

[Khadaji]

The loss of a loved pet is a deep sadness. Sending supporting thoughts your way.

[Baker]

The only thing that could have been worse is not being there for them. I'm so sorry you've lost Cricket, but at least the little Bean went peacefully. It took loads of courage to make your decision, rest easy that you did what was right.

I'll give my Nathan extra scritches in Cricket's memory.

[PandaBear77]

You've got such a good heart, PapSett -- and it's miraculous, really, considering what you've been through in life. I'm so sorry for your loss

[Rick]

Every pet comes with a coupon redeemable for a broken heart when they leave us.
I am so sorry for your loss.

[Corcaigh]

Sorry for your loss

[etv78]

So sad PapSett. I'm a dog lover myself.

[Merneith]

So sorry for your loss, PapSett.

[Beware of Doug]

Hugs and condolences for you from Kitty K and us.

[CrazyCatLady]

I'm really sorry to hear that; I know how huge a role your fuzzies play in your life.

[PapSett]

I want to thank each and every one of you for your words. They really do help. Cricket may have only weighed 8 lbs but she left a gaping, raw wound the size of Texas in my heart.

I want to share what happened last night/this morning. I have a bookcase headboard on my bed, and my first Papillon Jay always slept in it- he actually shoved the books out of it that first night and claimed it as HIS. When he passed on, Cricket took to sleeping there. It has always been my habit if I woke during the night to reach up and give her a pet, and she would kiss my hand.

Well, last night, I woke and out of habit, I reached up to find the pillow empty; I broke down crying all over again. The next time I woke was about 7 this morning, and again, habit, I reached up. But this time, there was a warm, furry body there and I got a kiss on the hand.

My youngest Papillon, Bunny was sleeping there. And yes, I cried again.

[jsgoddess]

Originally Posted by PapSett

My youngest Papillon, Bunny was sleeping there. And yes, I cried again.

Okay, I made it to here, barely, without bawling, but not any further!

I love that Bunny was there for you, not as a replacement, never a replacement, but a sweet reminder of what makes the pain of losing a pet worth it. They are so easy to love and so hard to lose. I'm sorry.

[Snowboarder Bo]

Shit, I never even knew Cricket, but after reading what you wrote I miss her.

[Nobody]

Wow, a few days ago you posted condolences in my thread, and now sadly I'm posting condolences in yours.

I'm really sorry to hear about your loss. You seemed to be braver about it though than I was about mine. When it's time for an animal to go I can't bring myself to stay. I just leave it to the vet and get the hell out.

[MissSwitac]

Aww, what a beautiful dog. I'm sorry for your loss.

[Sister Vigilante]

You have my condolences. I know what it is like to have to put a dog to sleep.

[Malacandra]

Here as elsewhere, Kipling said it very well. So sorry for your loss, but that's dogs for you, inevitably.

[Baker]

Malacandra, now I'm crying as I go to work, after reading that poem.

[dogbutler]

I'm sorry, PapSett. They do leave a hole in you when they leave, don't they.

[PapSett]

Malacandra, I am vvery familiar with that heartbreaking poem. It is so, so true. We know this, every time we bring a puppy into our lives, and yet... we do it.

And Nobody... Everyone has their own feelings about staying or not staying. No one is right or wrong. For me, I want my voice telling them I love them to be the last thing they hear. Brave? Not hardly. Bawling like a baby the whole time. But I do it for them.

Again, thank you everyone. It helps to know I'm not alone.

[RTFirefly]

With all due respect to the OP, could a mod add [Dog] to the thread title? Until the fourth paragraph of the OP, I thought that she had lost her child, not her dog.

[slightly askew]

What a sweet puppy. So sorry for your loss.

[tdn]

Thank you for sharing. I'm so sorry.

[PapSett]

For some of us, our dogs (and cats, horses, rabbits, birds, etc) ARE our children. There is in my opinion no more offensive phrase than 'it was just a dog'.

The grief of losing a pet is no less, and because it is seen as 'just;' a dog, we are not supposed to feel the same emotions. We are expected to carry on with life as if nothing is wrong and ignore the fact that our heart is breaking. There is no brrievement leave when you lose a pet.

And furthermore, the second sentance says: My oldest Ppillon Cricket was diagnosed with a severe heart murmur about a year and a half ago. With medication, it was largely kepy under control, but the last few months she has been having more and more bad days.

A Papillon is a dog breed, not a child.