God is talking to (well, e-mailing) me!

[commasense]

I got this in my e-mail today!

=====================

Hi,

This is a personal message from God Allah to you. It may be the only message you ever receive from Me so please respond.

I, God Allah, am here in the USA looking for a church or mosque, etc. to receive Me. If you know of a church or mosque, business, community, etc. available to receive and welcome God Allah for the purposes previously explained by the religious organizations, please email Me at god @llah.MOBI (no spaces).

For more information please contact Allah's VM/SMS +1-707-925-2488

Emergency Message,

God Allah

P.O. Box 701

San Mateo, CA 94401

USA

+1-650-458-7524

god @llah.MOBI (subscribe)

god @llah.US (unsubscribe)


**********************************

NOTE: Due to communications errors, websites may or may not yet fully resolve. This email updated often.
NOTE: Sub/Unsub link address is https:// LLAH.US ; however, due to the nature of this emergency, links must be typed manually.
NOTE: Due to the nature of electronic communications, it is possible you may have difficulty reaching Allah, therefore, please accept this apology for any communication errors during this interim, moreover, you may edit this press release for your market so long as the intended communication and links resolve. e.g. email, phone number, website, etc., as explained herein.
NOTE: I personally respond within twenty-four hours or sooner. Thank you for your review.
NOTE: Communications in English, please. Message and links updated frequently. Stay alert, Stay alive.
NOTE: Due to the nature of divinity, it is possible this is the last message from God Allah to you personally.

NOTE: Due to the nature of this emergency, there could be spiritual ramifications for your failure to comply.

NEW: 10 Commandments Online: THOU.TEL ... click to see.
**********************************
NEXT UPDATE NLT 11 SEP 2012
****************

===============

Who knew God Allah had e-mail addresses, phone numbers, and a PO box in San Mateo? I'd question why He doesn't have a Web site, but I guess He moves in mysterious ways.

I wish I had a church or mosque for Him to use, but I don't. Seeing as He's decided to get in touch with me directly, do you think I should build Him one?

[kayaker]

Personally, I'd block him.

[FoieGrasIsEvil]

Email Him back and tell him you plan to build him a church but you need to know what dimensions (in cubits) He wants it.

[Gyrate]

Originally Posted by FoieGrasIsEvil

Email Him back and tell him you plan to build him a church but you need to know what dimensions (in cubits) He wants it.

Riiiiiiiiiiiight. What's a cubit?

[FoieGrasIsEvil]

Originally Posted by Gyrate

Riiiiiiiiiiiight. What's a cubit?

"I'm going to destroy the world!"

"Riiiiight!"

[Malleus, Incus, Stapes!]

So Allah is okay with churches? Like, Christianity or Islam, it's all the same to him?

I think he should be clearing up a few things with some of his more... zealous followers, instead of writing random e-mails.

But what do I know? I'm not God.

[kambuckta]

Originally Posted by FoieGrasIsEvil

"I'm going to destroy the world!"

"Riiiiight!"

So, how long can you tread water?

[commasense]

Originally Posted by kayaker

Personally, I'd block him.

You're going to hell just for thinking that, kayaker!

[VunderBob]

Reply back that he is an obvious false god, for the One True God would want His house on the Temple Mount restored.

[kayaker]

Originally Posted by commasense

You're going to hell just for thinking that, kayaker!

I'll be with all my friends.

[Procrustus]

NOTE: Communications in English, please. Message and links updated frequently. Stay alert, Stay alive.

What an odd thing for God Allah to say.

[Jragon]

Originally Posted by Procrustus

What an odd thing for God Allah to say.

Yeah, I would have guessed he'd want communications in Enochian or Esperanto or something.

[Sunspace]

Originally Posted by Jragon

Yeah, I would have guessed he'd want communications in Enochian or Esperanto or something.

Esperanto? I'm so there! For a modest fee, I'll be happy to translate!

[FairyChatMom]

I had no idea God's last name was Allah!

[Alice The Goon]

You should contact a large church and let them know that you can put them in direct contact with God Allah, for a small (large) fee. Sit back and profit!

[Iggy]

Originally Posted by Alice The Goon

You should contact a large church and let them know that you can put them in direct contact with God Allah, for a small (large) fee. Sit back and profit prophet!

Fixed.

[Maastricht]

Have you tried chatting with God?

(Link goes to a charming chat bot).

[twickster]

Originally Posted by Iggy

Fixed.

Welcome to the SDMB, Iggy,

We're pretty strict around here about not messing with other people's words, even when it's a joke and clearly labeled as such. Please don't do this.

Thanks,

twickster, MPSIMS moderator

[TonySinclair]

Originally Posted by FairyChatMom

I had no idea God's last name was Allah!

Of the San Mateo Allahs.

[Zebra]

Originally Posted by commasense

NOTE: Due to the nature of divinity, it is possible this is the last message from God Allah to you personally.

As the day nurse may figure out that I'm not taking my meds.

[gunnergoz]

Is God on Skype? Is his IP address 000.000.0.0? Is his email god@god.god? Otherwise he's a pretender.



I'm just glad I'm not on this particular spam/scam list.

[VunderBob]

[James Tiberius Kirk]

Uh, what does GOD need with e-mail?

[/James Tiberius Kirk]

[Sunspace]

Everybody knows God uses IPv7.

Since the rest of us haven't fully caught up to IPv6 yet, this hakes God a little hard to contact.

[YogSosoth]

Originally Posted by commasense

NOTE: Sub/Unsub link address is https:// LLAH.US ; however, due to the nature of this emergency, links must be typed manually.

If you unsubscribe to god's email list, do you go to hell? I don't believe that was covered anywhere in the Gospels

[Toucanna]

Not sure putting in a call to El Shaddai would go the way we wanted it to: http://m.youtube.com/?reason=8&rdm=1...cdAalcEk&gl=US.

ETA:

Originally Posted by YogSosoth

If you unsubscribe to god's email list, do you go to hell? I don't believe that was covered anywhere in the Gospels

You bring up a good point: http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Apostasy

[KRC]

God is old fashioned. I know this because he sent my father a letter (East German commies also sent my father letters, but after studying the letter us kids concluded it was God. No self respecting commy would sign a letter with a name like Nunziati.)

We desperately wanted to see the hole in the sky where God chucked the demons in but in spite of owning a telescope Dad refused to oblige. (He also refused to let us send money when we found out there where only 15 Christians in East Europe.)

God is busy but he takes his sweet time and sometimes, considering He's old, he may be a bit slow.

[Count Blucher]

I don't know about God, but you may have found MOBI dick....

[carnut]

Originally Posted by commasense

[color=purple]

I, God Allah, am here in the USA

By way of Nigeria perhaps?

[gunnergoz]

Originally Posted by carnut

By way of Nigeria perhaps?

More likely by way of Bellvue.

[Sunspace]

Everyone is going to be so thrilled that God Allah is now in the USA! All the leaders of all the religious groups will just flock to Him!

[Tangent]

Ooh! Ask Him if He considers Mormons as Christians.

[Count Blucher]

Originally Posted by Tangent

Ooh! Ask Him if He considers Mormons as Christians.

...and if James Hoban left enough room in the Whitehouse for Second & Third ladies bedrooms...

I'd say Fourth, but you Know he likes to Fire people....

[Nunzio Tavulari]

I think you should act as his go-between (for a small fee) and shop his political endorsement to Obama and Romney.

[GreasyJack]

Originally Posted by God Allah

NOTE: Sub/Unsub link address is https:// LLAH.US ; however, due to the nature of this emergency, links must be typed manually.

I have a feeling that the nature of this emergency involves being caught by spam filters.

Which raises the age old question of whether God can design a spam filter so mighty that not even He can spam it.

[ioioio]

I'd question why He doesn't have a Web site. . .

All your website are belong to God.

[6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast]

I'm shocked that you people believe that that email is from God.

Clearly his kid was fucking around on His computer.

[simster]

NOTE: Due to the nature of electronic communications, it is possible you may have difficulty reaching Allah, therefore, please accept this apology for any communication errors during this interim, moreover, you may edit this press release for your market so long as the intended communication and links resolve. e.g. email, phone number, website, etc., as explained herein.

so, not all links resolve to allah?

[ioioio]

I was going to drop God Allah a postcard at the address given in the O.P., but decided to Google the address first. P.O. Box 701 San Mateo CA 94401 belongs to dynadot.

Dynadot is an ICANN-accredited domain name registrar and web host located in San Mateo, California. We're dedicated to providing our customers with world class registration and hosting services for a reasonable price.

One of the services they offer is a "privacy domain service".

Protect your contact information with our private domain service. We replace your contact information with our own. We forward any correspondence to you, after filtering out all the spam and junk mail. This service is just $2.00 a year.

Jesus uses the same address.

It has also been used by a number of individuals and companies that have been rejected by the BBB and/or sanctioned by the FDA.

God Allah is one cheap sleazy SOB.

[wolfman]

Hmm, a spam email without a misspelling? It must be God because that is truly a miracle.

[Mama Zappa]

Weird. You'd think God Allah wouldn't resort to spam, what with it not being halal 'n all that.

[Bam Boo Gut]

Originally Posted by Mama Zappa

Weird. You'd think God Allah wouldn't resort to spam, what with it not being halal 'n all that.

Word!

[newsbunny]

You should ask him some questions only God Allah would know.

For example:

What does Muhammad really look like?

Or, if he's going with God and not Allah,

What rib did he use to create Eve?

[kayaker]

Originally Posted by newsbunny

You should ask him some questions only God Allah would know.

"OK. I'm thinking of a number between one and infinity".

[Malleus, Incus, Stapes!]

I had a dream last night that I got a letter like this that claimed to be from a dog. I was going to post it on the Dope to one-up the God one.


...hey, that's just God backwards. Huh. That really didn't occur to me until now, honest.

[LawMonkey]

Originally Posted by Malleus, Incus, Stapes!

I had a dream last night that I got a letter like this that claimed to be from a dog. I was going to post it on the Dope to one-up the God one.


...hey, that's just God backwards. Huh. That really didn't occur to me until now, honest.

Dogs prefer to use text messages.

[Death of Rats]

Originally Posted by commasense

...Stay alert, Stay alive.

Considering the source, this seems a little...ominous.

You may want to heed this advice.

[commasense]

Here's the latest message!

Help! I am Allah, God of The Religions, am now here on Earth, and asking the Press to help Me locate an organization, community or nation to receive Me. Here is all you have to do on behalf of your company, community or nation: send an email to god @llah.mobi (no spaces) or SMS/VM 707-925-2488 and say something such as "On behalf of, (your company, community, or nation) We want to welcome you, God Allah." Be sure to include your email, SMS text number (if you have one), name and phone number. Then I will contact you back through email with more information about how this applies to your company, community, or nation. If you want to learn more of God Allah (or God the Father, Christianity) see a church or mosque near you for more information. Please be advised this is a very, serious emergency for many people around the world so you were advised to communicate with Me immediately. Also, due to the nature of this emergency, it is possible there could be spiritual repercussions for your failure to comply. Thanks.

Emergency Message,

God Allah
Author, Holy Qur'an / Bible
Lord of the Worlds
god @llah.MOBI (subscribe)
god @llah.US (unsubscribe instructions)
P.O. Box 701
San, Mateo CA 94401
+1 (707) 925-2488 SMS/VM
A.LLAH.US
A.LLAH.TEL
LAH.TEL
LAH.TV

In the event of subscribe error, go to https:// ALLAH . zendesk .com

[Tangent]

Originally Posted by commasense

it is possible there could be spiritual repercussions for your failure to comply.

Dude! God is threatening you!

God Allah
Author, Holy Qur'an / Bible
Lord of the Worlds
god @llah.MOBI (subscribe)
god @llah.US (unsubscribe instructions)
P.O. Box 701
San, Mateo CA 94401
+1 (707) 925-2488 SMS/VM
A.LLAH.US
A.LLAH.TEL
LAH.TEL
LAH.TV

In the event of subscribe error, go to https:// ALLAH . zendesk .com

Talk about your deus ex machina.

[Thudlow Boink]

This message from God has been graped by The Grapist?

[Tangent]

Or maybe The Grapist IS God!