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  #1  
Old 10-07-2009, 11:43 PM
NinjaChick NinjaChick is offline
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I have some questions about cows.

Well, their udders, really. I've recently seen some pictures related to some manner of agricultural protest in Belgium, including one where a police officer is forced to use his riot shield to deflect a spray of milk straight from a cow's udder. This was illuminating, because I didn't realize you could aim a cow's udder like that, but apparently you can (which I'm glad I know, for the next time I'm stuck between a cow and a horde of lactose-intolerant zombies).

Anyway - so you can, if you wish, use a cow's udder as a disgusting, dairy squirt-gun. What sort of capacity are we talking about? I assume, just based on the dimensions of a typical cow, that we're not talking dollar-store squirt guns, and probably considerably more than the original Super Soaker (which I believe had a 25 ounce reservoir). If I were to walk up to an average dairy cow, would I get a gallon of milk? Less? More? How long does it take them to 'refill', so to speak? I assume the common myth of lack of milking resulting in bursting cows is indeed a myth without basis in reality, but one does wonder what happens if a lactating cow lacks a calf or human to remove the milk.

And I'm pretty sure the answer will horrify me, but how do they keep cows lactating? Are there barns full of cows that just produce milk constantly, due to the influence of various injected hormones? Is there some complicated schedule where some cows produce milk in the summer and others in winter, or alternate months, or draw lots?
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  #2  
Old 10-07-2009, 11:49 PM
bri1600bv bri1600bv is offline
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Originally Posted by NinjaChick View Post
Well, their udders, really. I've recently seen some pictures related to some manner of agricultural protest in Belgium, including one where a police officer is forced to use his riot shield to deflect a spray of milk straight from a cow's udder. This was illuminating, because I didn't realize you could aim a cow's udder like that, but apparently you can (which I'm glad I know, for the next time I'm stuck between a cow and a horde of lactose-intolerant zombies).

Anyway - so you can, if you wish, use a cow's udder as a disgusting, dairy squirt-gun. What sort of capacity are we talking about? I assume, just based on the dimensions of a typical cow, that we're not talking dollar-store squirt guns, and probably considerably more than the original Super Soaker (which I believe had a 25 ounce reservoir). If I were to walk up to an average dairy cow, would I get a gallon of milk? Less? More? How long does it take them to 'refill', so to speak? I assume the common myth of lack of milking resulting in bursting cows is indeed a myth without basis in reality, but one does wonder what happens if a lactating cow lacks a calf or human to remove the milk.

And I'm pretty sure the answer will horrify me, but how do they keep cows lactating? Are there barns full of cows that just produce milk constantly, due to the influence of various injected hormones? Is there some complicated schedule where some cows produce milk in the summer and others in winter, or alternate months, or draw lots?
My uncle has a farm...avg cow gives about 6 gallons of milk per day, being milked twice per day.

The udders are the sack holding the milk, the teat is what can be aimed, it's a finger like thing extending down. Cows have 4 of them, I think. Not disgusting at all, it's milk, it's the most delicious thing I think. Especially raw, unpasteurized milk.

How much in a squirt? I don't know a couple tablespoons maybe.

How do they keep them giving milk? It's similar to humans, I think (this I'm not an expert at). They give birth then wean the calves right away and keep milking the cow which will give milk for a couple years (not sure)...then get it pregnant again. Avg cow lives only about 4-5 years on my uncle's farm, then they sell it for slaughter.

The hormone keeps them giving milk without needing to be pregnant again.
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  #3  
Old 10-08-2009, 12:24 AM
Snnipe 70E Snnipe 70E is offline
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Born and raised on a small dairy farm. Have not milked a cow in about 40 years.

Depending on the bread of cow. some of ours could give 3 gallons a milking.
After giving birth a cow will continue to produce milk if they are milked daily. I would guess the amount of milk per squirt would be around 2 to 3 table spoons.

As time past birth goes on they will begin to produce less milk each day by a little bit. Each year we would dry up a cow about 1 month before they would give birth again.

Depending on the cow some of them we would keep 10 or more years.
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  #4  
Old 10-08-2009, 06:19 AM
Xema Xema is offline
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Originally Posted by NinjaChick View Post
.. you can, if you wish, use a cow's udder as a disgusting, dairy squirt-gun.
Why disgusting? What comes squirting out is a benign and even nutritious substance widely ingested by humans.


Quote:
What sort of capacity are we talking about?
The record for milk production is rather impressive. From this link:
Quote:
Rowan County is home to the world record setting cow "Lucy". In 365 days, Lucy produced 75,275 lbs of milk. This is equivalent to 24 gallons of milk per day for 365 days.
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  #5  
Old 10-08-2009, 06:40 AM
Harmonious Discord Harmonious Discord is offline
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Snnipe 70E has said it the best. You can over milk them too. You stop milking before you drain them dry. Also 4 working teats is only the norm.
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  #6  
Old 10-08-2009, 06:52 AM
KarlGrenze KarlGrenze is offline
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Four suction tubes are the standard in most milking machines. Cows with less udders can still provide enough milk to be found economically useful to keep, they just don't use that suction tube. Which, btw, is a pre-determined amount of pressure that they apply, it is NOT like the vaccum suction power. Cows with more udders... well, they just won't use them, they'll still milk four of them.

Cows in dairy farms (industrial type) are bred, then when they give birth the calf is soon separated from mom (and hand-raised), and the mom is put in the production line. While the cow is lactating, she is bred again so that she produces an average of one calf per year in production. She has her dry period during the last part of pregnancy. Cows are not kept milking year round, they have a period of rest and regression.
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  #7  
Old 10-08-2009, 08:10 AM
Gorsnak Gorsnak is online now
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For the record, if you are milking by hand and squirt at the barn cats regularly, they'll learn to catch the squirted milk in their mouths. Watching them try to do so can be quite entertaining.
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  #8  
Old 10-08-2009, 09:09 AM
Snnipe 70E Snnipe 70E is offline
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Originally Posted by Gorsnak View Post
For the record, if you are milking by hand and squirt at the barn cats regularly, they'll learn to catch the squirted milk in their mouths. Watching them try to do so can be quite entertaining.
Ypu can also get your brother when he walks past.
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  #9  
Old 10-08-2009, 09:50 AM
Turble Turble is offline
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http://ablestmage.wordpress.com/2008...to-cats-mouth/
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  #10  
Old 10-08-2009, 09:52 AM
DanBlather DanBlather is offline
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Originally Posted by NinjaChick View Post
I didn't realize you could aim a cow's udder like that, but apparently you can (which I'm glad I know, for the next time I'm stuck between a cow and a horde of lactose-intolerant zombies).
Priceless.
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  #11  
Old 10-08-2009, 09:53 AM
akennett akennett is offline
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Or you can have a milk fight between your yourself, your brothers, and your cousins. Just be sure not to hit any of the paying customers (except for the little kids who are waiting expectantly with their mouths open).


What? We were little and my Aunt and Uncle ran a working farm/B&B in Vermont.
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  #12  
Old 10-08-2009, 09:57 AM
yanceylebeef yanceylebeef is offline
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Originally Posted by KarlGrenze View Post
Four suction tubes are the standard in most milking machines. Cows with less udders can still provide enough milk to be found economically useful to keep, they just don't use that suction tube. Which, btw, is a pre-determined amount of pressure that they apply, it is NOT like the vaccum suction power. Cows with more udders... well, they just won't use them, they'll still milk four of them.
I think you mean teats, here. I have never seen a cow with more or less than one udder.
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  #13  
Old 10-08-2009, 10:07 AM
purplehorseshoe purplehorseshoe is offline
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Originally Posted by KarlGrenze View Post
...snip...
Cows in dairy farms (industrial type) are bred, then when they give birth the calf is soon separated from mom (and hand-raised), and the mom is put in the production line. While the cow is lactating, she is bred again so that she produces an average of one calf per year in production. She has her dry period during the last part of pregnancy. Cows are not kept milking year round, they have a period of rest and regression.
So, when the calf is hand-raised, don't they also feed it .... cow's milk?

I doubt very seriously that the giant industrial milking operations hand-raise all those thousands of calves every year. For one, they'd consume all the product.

So what's the real Dope? Do they go into pet food? Give it to me straight.
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  #14  
Old 10-08-2009, 10:09 AM
Machine Elf Machine Elf is offline
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Originally Posted by Xema View Post
Why disgusting? What comes squirting out is a benign and even nutritious substance widely ingested by humans.
Pasteurized milk in a glass? Sure, sounds great.

Unpasteurized milk squirted all over my clothes, only to fester and putrify in the hot noonday sun? No thanks.
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  #15  
Old 10-08-2009, 12:01 PM
J-P L J-P L is offline
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Originally Posted by purplehorseshoe View Post
So, when the calf is hand-raised, don't they also feed it .... cow's milk?

I doubt very seriously that the giant industrial milking operations hand-raise all those thousands of calves every year. For one, they'd consume all the product.

So what's the real Dope? Do they go into pet food? Give it to me straight.
I have not been on a farm in over 30 years, so the methods may have changed some.

Typically, new born calves are fed colostrom from their mother or other cows for a few days/weeks. Then, they will be switched to powdered milk because it's cheaper, this will last maybe a few months. Eventually, there're weened from this formula and at that time, they'll simply drink water and eat feed and/or grass/hay.

Female calves known as heifers will be kept and raised as eventual replacement for the herd.

Males/bulls are eventually sold. Some go to feed lots to become steers and others go to the slaugther house for veal. The farmer may choose to keep a few bulls for reproduction, but, with modern artificial insemination, that is becoming less commom
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  #16  
Old 10-08-2009, 12:24 PM
Si Amigo Si Amigo is offline
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Someone has to say it: this thread is udderly fasinating!

Last edited by Si Amigo; 10-08-2009 at 12:25 PM..
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  #17  
Old 10-08-2009, 03:37 PM
purplehorseshoe purplehorseshoe is offline
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Originally Posted by J-P L View Post
...

Typically, new born calves are fed colostrom from their mother or other cows for a few days/weeks. Then, they will be switched to powdered milk because it's cheaper, this will last maybe a few months. Eventually, there're weened from this formula and at that time, they'll simply drink water and eat feed and/or grass/hay.

...
So Farmer Fred milks his cow, Bessie, one fine and lovely morning.

He ships the milk off to one buyer, who sells it to another, until Bessie's milk winds up at a factory that makes powdered milk. The powdered Bessie-milk is packaged, shipped to a distribution center, then shipped to a store, whereupon Fred comes in and buys some powdered milk to feed Bessie's calf, because that's cheaper?

:: head explodes ::
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  #18  
Old 10-08-2009, 04:01 PM
Harmonious Discord Harmonious Discord is offline
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Originally Posted by purplehorseshoe View Post
So Farmer Fred milks his cow, Bessie, one fine and lovely morning.

He ships the milk off to one buyer, who sells it to another, until Bessie's milk winds up at a factory that makes powdered milk. The powdered Bessie-milk is packaged, shipped to a distribution center, then shipped to a store, whereupon Fred comes in and buys some powdered milk to feed Bessie's calf, because that's cheaper?

:: head explodes ::
Please note it's not just reconstitute milk. It's a supplemented food.

BOVINE IgG COLOSTRUM REPLACEMENT

PERFORMANCE (PROTEIN-BLEND)
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  #19  
Old 10-08-2009, 04:10 PM
Sparky the Wonder Spirit Sparky the Wonder Spirit is offline
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Originally Posted by purplehorseshoe View Post
So Farmer Fred milks his cow, Bessie, one fine and lovely morning.

He ships the milk off to one buyer, who sells it to another, until Bessie's milk winds up at a factory that makes powdered milk. The powdered Bessie-milk is packaged, shipped to a distribution center, then shipped to a store, whereupon Fred comes in and buys some powdered milk to feed Bessie's calf, because that's cheaper?

:: head explodes ::
A cow produces more milk per day than a calf needs.
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  #20  
Old 10-08-2009, 04:39 PM
dynamitedave dynamitedave is offline
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Originally Posted by purplehorseshoe View Post
So, when the calf is hand-raised, don't they also feed it .... cow's milk?

I doubt very seriously that the giant industrial milking operations hand-raise all those thousands of calves every year. For one, they'd consume all the product.

So what's the real Dope? Do they go into pet food? Give it to me straight.
In NZ, it's a legal requirement to keep the 1st 4 days of milkings out of the human food chain. Although now colostrum is used in some dietary supplements. Generally the new born calf would get 6 to 18 hours with it's mum, but I'd make sure it got at least one good feed from its mother.

High producing cows have way too much milk for 1 calf to drink. So the calf would get its 8 to 10 litres of milk a day by sucking on a rubber teat and I would store the rest and serve it up warm later. I would at one point have 3000 litres stored. The calves were kept indoors in mobs of 12 and feed milk and Moozlee (a brand of meal). Once the calves were older and the weather more settled they were put outdoors. My trailer feeder had 40 teats and I would end up with about 60 heifers so there were two mobs of 30-ish. Once the calves were outside it was fairly easy work. Dad would keep the bulls so he'd turn up at dawn and feed his 2-3 mobs and one of mine. I'd take the feeder after milking to feed my 2nd mob, then after breakfast collect it and clean it. Once the calves had adjusted to outdoors, the amount of milk was gradually decreased to encourage grass eating and once they were about 10 weeks old, the milk was stopped with an increase in meal for a while.

I had 240 cows which were spring calved, with about 60% calved in 3 weeks; the remainder over the next 5 weeks. We kept most of the calves; AI bred heifers as replacements, the bulls for beef. After 4 weeks of AI, Hereford bulls finished off and these calves were kept as well. Some were sold on to be reared. Some calves weren't suitable to keep because of their breeding i.e. for bulls, too much Jersey. These were kept just a few days then turned into veal.

I never considered milk powder cheaper. How can someone buy a raw product, process it and sell it back to you for less? (our market is not distorted with subsidies or controlled pricing) Then you have to transport it home, use up hot water and time mixing it. But I do know accountant run farms that used milk powder. They wanted "good" production figures so that the manager could get his bonus and the only production figure that counted was litres of milk delivered for processing. This made the owners investment look better as one of the methods of valuing a farm here is milk production per hectare. Most owner/operators didn't use powdered milk, except for some selling their farm to increase it's apparent production. I did try mixing powdered milk with fresh milk so the outdoor calves got 2 litres of liquid, but 4 litres worth of whole milk but didn't notice any extra benefits for the extra cost and time.

Now, to the OP, to squirt milk at zombies. Grab teat with thumb and index finger at base of udder. Clamp thumb and index to seal off teat with udder. This is important as milk flowing back from teat to udder can cause mastitis. Now close your other fingers in sequence; this will expel the milk out. The cow will need to let her milk down first and relax the muscle surrounding the teat hole. Most cows will adjust to milking and letdown will occur just by the familiar routine. In the late spring some would be hosing milk out as they got into milking position.
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  #21  
Old 10-08-2009, 07:38 PM
Snnipe 70E Snnipe 70E is offline
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Originally Posted by Joe Frickin Friday View Post
Pasteurized milk in a glass? Sure, sounds great.

Unpasteurized milk squirted all over my clothes, only to fester and putrify in the hot noonday sun? No thanks.
Putrify on your shirt? So you do not put on a clean shirt daily?
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  #22  
Old 10-08-2009, 08:10 PM
Chronos Chronos is offline
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I've never raised cows myself, but I've known enough folks who have that I can affirm that fresh milk is, in fact, delicious. Especially when the cows give high-fat milk: One friend of the family has managed to get his cows up to 7%.
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  #23  
Old 10-08-2009, 10:05 PM
KarlGrenze KarlGrenze is offline
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Originally Posted by purplehorseshoe View Post
So, when the calf is hand-raised, don't they also feed it .... cow's milk?

I doubt very seriously that the giant industrial milking operations hand-raise all those thousands of calves every year. For one, they'd consume all the product.

So what's the real Dope? Do they go into pet food? Give it to me straight.
Yup, the calves are hand-raised, as others have noted. They get colostrum during the first day, and from then on, either milk or supplemented powdered food, yup.

Calves are quickly separated from their moms and are kept in separate, individual hutches until they're older. I'm talking non-veal dairy cattle here.

There is also a device called a colostrometer... The colostrum of each cow is measured with it, and giving a grade accordingly. And the colostrum is labeled according to that grade. Ideally, calves from high-producing cows (which the owner hopes will become high producing cows) will get the highest quality colostrum (may or may NOT be from its mom).

A calf in industrial dairy production wouldn't fly, they have to be separate from the cows. The cows are high producing, make more milk than the calf will need, and are constantly milked (twice or thrice a day, depending). The calf will get in the way.
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  #24  
Old 10-08-2009, 10:42 PM
NinjaChick NinjaChick is offline
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I have learned much from this thread; I'd say my knowledge about cows has at least tripled.

If I were to just poke a cows udder - you know, walk up, give a gentle little push with my finger - what would it feel like? Part of me wants to believe it would be like poking a water balloon (thin, rather elastic membrane surrounding a significant volume of fluid), but the rest of me thinks that surely cows are constructed more solidly.

Also, what happens if a cow is normally producing milk, at a normal rate, but then isn't milked?
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Originally Posted by Chronos View Post
I've never raised cows myself, but I've known enough folks who have that I can affirm that fresh milk is, in fact, delicious. Especially when the cows give high-fat milk: One friend of the family has managed to get his cows up to 7%.
Oh, god. I don't like milk to begin with - lactose intolerance* will do that - and when I did drink milk as a kid it was skim milk, and I'm one of those "raised on skim and think anything else tastes like medical waste from a liposuction clinic" types. 7% milk sounds disgusting to me.

*So in my hypothetical zombie situation, I'd have some sympathy. It's tough, you know, needing to carry those little pills around with you when you go out to eat. But my sympathy only goes so far, and my brains are not up for grabs.
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Old 10-08-2009, 11:40 PM
dynamitedave dynamitedave is offline
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Originally Posted by NinjaChick View Post
I have learned much from this thread; I'd say my knowledge about cows has at least tripled.

If I were to just poke a cows udder - you know, walk up, give a gentle little push with my finger - what would it feel like? Part of me wants to believe it would be like poking a water balloon (thin, rather elastic membrane surrounding a significant volume of fluid), but the rest of me thinks that surely cows are constructed more solidly.
It's just a bag of breast meat (as in mammals, not chicken); when full of milk it can be quite tight, later on when the cow is producing less milk daily it's quite flabby. Milk production can't really be judged on udder size. I had grannies with their tits almost dragging on the ground who'd struggle to make 12 litres a day, with perky young things with basketball sized udders making 20 litres/day.

Quote:
Also, what happens if a cow is normally producing milk, at a normal rate, but then isn't milked?
Things get tight for a few days, then the milk is re-absorbed. The cow can get a bit grumpy and can be subject to a greater chance of mastitis as she can be leaking milk which can allow bacteria access through the teat canal. Generally if you wish to dry a cow off, you restrict her daily feed to maintenance only and milk her for a few days, then stop, keeping her feed restricted for a few more days.

Quote:
Oh, god. I don't like milk to begin with - lactose intolerance* will do that - and when I did drink milk as a kid it was skim milk, and I'm one of those "raised on skim and think anything else tastes like medical waste from a liposuction clinic" types. 7% milk sounds disgusting to me.
Fat % depends mainly on breed, Jersey cows would be around 5 to 7%, Friesian cows around 3 to 5% are ballpark figures with there being variations due to type of feeding, stage of lactation, and variations within the breed. Here, we get paid on the number of kilograms of fat and protein sent, less a charge per litre of milk.

It's easy enough to reduce the fat of milk taken home; just let it stand and the fat will float to the top and then pour it off (usually onto my breakfast)
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  #26  
Old 10-09-2009, 12:13 AM
t-bonham@scc.net t-bonham@scc.net is offline
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Originally Posted by purplehorseshoe View Post
So, when the calf is hand-raised, don't they also feed it .... cow's milk?
Well, it's milk replacer. Partly milk, reconstituted with mostly water, also some vitamins & minerals added. Exact product varies as the calf grows.

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Originally Posted by purplehorseshoe View Post
I doubt very seriously that the giant industrial milking operations hand-raise all those thousands of calves every year. For one, they'd consume all the product?
No, they don't -- they go to farms that specialize in raising calves.

The calves will stay with their mother for a few days (3-7, typically). After that, they are separated; the cow goes back to the production line and the calf goes to the calf shed to be hand-raised. On smaller operations, they will have their own calf sheds on the farm, to raise them for a few months. Then the better females are heifers that will eventually become milk cows, and the males are sold to a feeder operation, to eventually become hamburger. The bigger specialized dairy operations will have an arrangement with someone else who runs a specialized calf-raising operation; they take the calves at about a week old, and hand-raise them for a few months before selling them.
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  #27  
Old 10-09-2009, 12:20 AM
t-bonham@scc.net t-bonham@scc.net is offline
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Originally Posted by NinjaChick View Post
Also, what happens if a cow is normally producing milk, at a normal rate, but then isn't milked?
When the udder gets too full, and is painful for the cow, she lets down, and the milk runs out onto the ground. (Just as can happen with human mothers who produce more milk than their child drinks. And it's especially prone to happen when they are wearing a good shirt, according to my sister.)

And modern cows do produce way more milk than a calf drinks; they have been bred that way for generations.
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  #28  
Old 10-09-2009, 09:49 AM
edinbourgeoise edinbourgeoise is offline
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Cow's udder is a delicacy in France. When sliced on a plate, it looks a bit like a cross between liver and really stiff pate. Naturallly, I can't vouch for the taste.
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  #29  
Old 10-09-2009, 09:53 AM
edinbourgeoise edinbourgeoise is offline
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If I were to just poke a cows udder - you know, walk up, give a gentle little push with my finger - what would it feel like?
Like being kicked.
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  #30  
Old 10-09-2009, 10:00 AM
KneadToKnow KneadToKnow is online now
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Originally Posted by Snnipe 70E View Post
Depending on the bread of cow
How about a nice baguette?
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  #31  
Old 10-09-2009, 10:07 AM
Xema Xema is offline
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Originally Posted by Chronos View Post
I can affirm that fresh milk is, in fact, delicious.
Agreed. It bears the same sort of relationship to the milk found in a supermarket that ripe, red, garden-fresh tomatoes have to the hard, pale variety the supermarket stocks in winter.
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  #32  
Old 10-09-2009, 10:27 AM
yabob yabob is offline
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Originally Posted by dynamitedave View Post
...
Fat % depends mainly on breed, Jersey cows would be around 5 to 7%, Friesian cows around 3 to 5% are ballpark figures with there being variations due to type of feeding, stage of lactation, and variations within the breed. Here, we get paid on the number of kilograms of fat and protein sent, less a charge per litre of milk.
...
When I was growing up we had a neighbor who ran a Jersey herd. Like some of the other larger dairy operations in the area (NW PA), he bottled and sold directly to the the public rather than selling to the dairy plant. Selling straight Jersey milk gave him quite a reputation locally (most farmers around there had the familiar Holstein herds, a few had Guernseys). He sold "coffee cream" that was ridiculous - you could practically whip the stuff by stirring it with a spoon. He had to give up the dairy business eventually because he was selling to the public at his farm, as well as dropping off to the local grocers. The state told him he was being both a retailer and a wholesaler, and he had to stop one of them. He couldn't make a profit without both. At that point, he sold off the Jersey herd and started raising beef - Charolais. He just had to be different (the few beef operations in the area were mostly Hereford).
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  #33  
Old 10-09-2009, 10:50 AM
Sunspace Sunspace is offline
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Re: lactose-intolerant zombies...

I've read that tolerance of cow milk in humans is caused by a number of relatively-recent mutations. The Indo-Europeans carried one such mutation and went on to spread across western Eurasia. This was described as 'the attack of the milk-drinking mutants'.

Last edited by Sunspace; 10-09-2009 at 10:52 AM..
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  #34  
Old 10-09-2009, 11:04 AM
chowder chowder is offline
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Originally Posted by edinbourgeoise View Post
Cow's udder is a delicacy in France. When sliced on a plate, it looks a bit like a cross between liver and really stiff pate. Naturallly, I can't vouch for the taste.
It's also sold in the UK, we call it 'Elder' and it tastes fucking 'orrid
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  #35  
Old 10-09-2009, 11:36 AM
The Stafford Cripps The Stafford Cripps is offline
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Like being kicked.
Shouldn't that be "Edimbourgeoise"?
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  #36  
Old 10-09-2009, 01:09 PM
Corner Case Corner Case is offline
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Originally Posted by NinjaChick View Post
I've recently seen some pictures related to some manner of agricultural protest in Belgium, including one where a police officer is forced to use his riot shield to deflect a spray of milk straight from a cow's udder.
What were the cows protesting? Did they have guns*?

* Slow loading SWF
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  #37  
Old 10-09-2009, 05:21 PM
McGeek McGeek is offline
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Just curious - are any of the folks who have posted so far Female? That is, females who have ever had a baby? Or had a girlfriend with a breastfed baby?

Because, HUMAN mothers can aim and squirt their milk. Years ago, when most of my girlfriends & I were still single, my friend had an "oops" pregnancy. Of course we were still young and rowdy, and a couple of times when we were joking around while she was nursing her son, she squirted me from across the room.

By the time I became a mom myself, I was over 40, thus I guess I'd outgrown that mischievous urge to squirt anyone. Well, truthfully, I'd outgrown having time to sit around shooting the breeze w/ my buddies, so never had the opportunity. But I certainly could have - the pressure in the breasts when you are lactating can be pretty intense. I used to joke it was worse than having to pee, because you need someone else (a baby) to help you do it. Or a pump, which worked fine but definitely made me feel like a cow.

And like the cows discussed in some of the posts above, I produced way more milk than my baby needed. You hear all these stories about women having trouble with nursing, but when things are working, they are really working.
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  #38  
Old 10-09-2009, 07:20 PM
dynamitedave dynamitedave is offline
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Thank you McGeek. I was going to point out the similarities between breasts and udders, but as a male I've learnt the hard way not to make out loud comparisons between human females and bovines.

For details on udders, here's a link
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  #39  
Old 10-09-2009, 08:00 PM
Snnipe 70E Snnipe 70E is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by McGeek View Post
Just curious - are any of the folks who have posted so far Female? That is, females who have ever had a baby? Or had a girlfriend with a breastfed baby?

Because, HUMAN mothers can aim and squirt their milk. Years ago, when most of my girlfriends & I were still single, my friend had an "oops" pregnancy. Of course we were still young and rowdy, and a couple of times when we were joking around while she was nursing her son, she squirted me from across the room.

By the time I became a mom myself, I was over 40, thus I guess I'd outgrown that mischievous urge to squirt anyone. Well, truthfully, I'd outgrown having time to sit around shooting the breeze w/ my buddies, so never had the opportunity. But I certainly could have - the pressure in the breasts when you are lactating can be pretty intense. I used to joke it was worse than having to pee, because you need someone else (a baby) to help you do it. Or a pump, which worked fine but definitely made me feel like a cow.

And like the cows discussed in some of the posts above, I produced way more milk than my baby needed. You hear all these stories about women having trouble with nursing, but when things are working, they are really working.
There is a large need for human milk. My wife donated when she was nursing our boys.
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  #40  
Old 10-10-2009, 12:13 PM
NinjaChick NinjaChick is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by McGeek View Post
Just curious - are any of the folks who have posted so far Female? That is, females who have ever had a baby? Or had a girlfriend with a breastfed baby?

Because, HUMAN mothers can aim and squirt their milk. Years ago, when most of my girlfriends & I were still single, my friend had an "oops" pregnancy. Of course we were still young and rowdy, and a couple of times when we were joking around while she was nursing her son, she squirted me from across the room.

By the time I became a mom myself, I was over 40, thus I guess I'd outgrown that mischievous urge to squirt anyone. Well, truthfully, I'd outgrown having time to sit around shooting the breeze w/ my buddies, so never had the opportunity. But I certainly could have - the pressure in the breasts when you are lactating can be pretty intense. I used to joke it was worse than having to pee, because you need someone else (a baby) to help you do it. Or a pump, which worked fine but definitely made me feel like a cow.

And like the cows discussed in some of the posts above, I produced way more milk than my baby needed. You hear all these stories about women having trouble with nursing, but when things are working, they are really working.
This apparently may come as a surprise to you, but it's quite possible to be female and not pop out a crotch dropping or two. It's even possible to not hang around friends who reveal and discuss their tits to you.
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  #41  
Old 10-10-2009, 03:10 PM
tumbleddown tumbleddown is offline
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Originally Posted by NinjaChick View Post
This apparently may come as a surprise to you, but it's quite possible to be female and not pop out a crotch dropping or two. It's even possible to not hang around friends who reveal and discuss their tits to you.
And statistically improbable to be an adult female who has neither had a child nor had a close friend or relative who has had a child that breastfed for at least some period of time.
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  #42  
Old 10-10-2009, 04:02 PM
Harmonious Discord Harmonious Discord is offline
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Originally Posted by NinjaChick View Post
This apparently may come as a surprise to you, but it's quite possible to be female and not pop out a crotch dropping or two. It's even possible to not hang around friends who reveal and discuss their tits to you.
So are you speaking of children or something that we don't need to hear about.
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  #43  
Old 10-10-2009, 09:45 PM
zweisamkeit zweisamkeit is online now
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Originally Posted by NinjaChick View Post
This apparently may come as a surprise to you, but it's quite possible to be female and not pop out a crotch dropping or two. It's even possible to not hang around friends who reveal and discuss their tits to you.
Well, aren't you all childfree and edgy? Here, have a cookie.
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  #44  
Old 10-10-2009, 10:09 PM
Claude Remains Claude Remains is offline
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I just wanna know if cowboys eat cow pussy.
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  #45  
Old 10-10-2009, 10:23 PM
The Seventh Deadly Finn The Seventh Deadly Finn is offline
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"

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Originally Posted by zweisamkeit View Post
Well, aren't you all childfree and edgy? Here, have a cookie.
Now, now-- given that NinjaChick was the OP, I can see how she might have taken McGeek's comment re: "...are any of the folks who have posted so far Female" as a slam, viz., "If you were a REAL woman, you'd have a baby and not have to ask such questions!"

That said, I think McGeek's comment's true subtext was more like, "Are there any girls here who wanna swap funny lactation stories, and the OP was so long ago I don't know if they were a boy or girl and I don't really care."

PS: Wading in to try to "help" in situations like this has gotten me in trouble many times-- more than once I've helped the combatants find common ground in their newfound dislike for yours truly. You'd think I'd learn...
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  #46  
Old 10-10-2009, 10:31 PM
Claude Remains Claude Remains is offline
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And I thought this thread was about Bovine and not Human cows. MOOOVE OVER GIRLS.
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  #47  
Old 10-10-2009, 11:17 PM
KarlGrenze KarlGrenze is offline
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Originally Posted by The Seventh Deadly Finn View Post
Now, now-- given that NinjaChick was the OP, I can see how she might have taken McGeek's comment re: "...are any of the folks who have posted so far Female" as a slam, viz., "If you were a REAL woman, you'd have a baby and not have to ask such questions!"

That said, I think McGeek's comment's true subtext was more like, "Are there any girls here who wanna swap funny lactation stories, and the OP was so long ago I don't know if they were a boy or girl and I don't really care."

PS: Wading in to try to "help" in situations like this has gotten me in trouble many times-- more than once I've helped the combatants find common ground in their newfound dislike for yours truly. You'd think I'd learn...
I second what you say. In fact, on first (quick) reading, it was a bit unsettling to me too, since... erm... I'm female? And I answered the OP, and really, no matter how human females use their teats, I'm sure (based on lifetime experience and physiology classes) they do not look, move, feel, or are arranged like those of cows.
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  #48  
Old 10-11-2009, 04:42 AM
The Seventh Deadly Finn The Seventh Deadly Finn is offline
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Originally Posted by KarlGrenze View Post
I second what you say. In fact, on first (quick) reading, it was a bit unsettling to me too, since... erm... I'm female? And I answered the OP, and really, no matter how human females use their teats, I'm sure (based on lifetime experience and physiology classes) they do not look, move, feel, or are arranged like those of cows.
Oh, I dunno-- one boob, four nipples? Certainly gibes with my experience.
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  #49  
Old 10-11-2009, 07:56 AM
Harmonious Discord Harmonious Discord is offline
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Originally Posted by The Seventh Deadly Finn View Post
Oh, I dunno-- one boob, four nipples? Certainly gibes with my experience.
A cow has a large sack with four individual bulges at the bottom, well defining separate areas where each milkable teat is. It in no way resembles one large human boob with four nipples.
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  #50  
Old 10-11-2009, 08:15 AM
Oy! Oy! is offline
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Originally Posted by tumbleddown View Post
And statistically improbable to be an adult female who has neither had a child nor had a close friend or relative who has had a child that breastfed for at least some period of time.
Hello? Fifty three year old woman here. Never had much, if any, contact with a woman breast feeding. Certainly not with anyone close enough to discuss it. Never had a kid, so never breastfed myself.

Is that so unusual?
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