Ask the Intergalactic Gladiator

[Intergalactic Gladiator]

Happy Monday, everyone.

Since this is Mundane Pointless Stuff I Must Share, I figure that the most mundane, pointless thing that I could share would be an "Ask the Intergalactic Gladiator" thread. The only way it could ever be more appropriate for this forum if it was called Mundane Pointless Stupid Stuff I Must Share.

Anyway, this will be great fun (in theory). Go ahead, ask me any question about space, intergalactic gladiatoring, how many blows to the head I've received. Anything.

[Oakminster]

Which alien races make the toughest opponents?

Are the fights in zero-G, or is there some other way to compensate for stronger/weaker gravity wherever the fights are held?

[Munch]

Could you describe a typical match? Is it a match in one location against foes from across the galaxies, or is a match that takes place across the galaxies?

[Intergalactic Gladiator]

Originally Posted by Oakminster

Which alien races make the toughest opponents?

Are the fights in zero-G, or is there some other way to compensate for stronger/weaker gravity wherever the fights are held?

There are a lot of tough opponents out there. The Psychlos are pretty bad, but fortunately they're from an awful story and are poorly characterized. Space vampires are always tough as are Orwelian pantherbots. I did lose a match to Octupus Prime once do to interference by my annoyingly unfunny comedy relief sidekick Jo Jo the Monkeyboy (who's dead now, fortunately), but I'm not sure what race prime is.

Most contests santioned by the Intergalactic Gladiator Entertainment (formerly the Intergalactic Gladiator Federation until they lost that lawsuit) are held on Planet Hacknor in the Horizon Ampitheater. I guess fights could be in Zero-G, but I've never been in one.

Originally Posted by Munch

Could you describe a typical match? Is it a match in one location against foes from across the galaxies, or is a match that takes place across the galaxies?

It's one location against foes from across galaxies. Two opponents generally square off in front of a crowd and the last man standing wins. Typically it's mano a mano (or equivalent) but weapons like laser tridents or sonic stunners are also used. Gladitorial matches often settle disputes between warring groups and actually replace wars for beings who feel they're evolved past that sort of thing.

And yes, these matches are real.

[muldoonthief]

How did you become an Intergalactic Gladiator? Do you have to start as a Tri-County Gladiator, and work your way up through Intercontinental, Interplanetary, etc?

[Intergalactic Gladiator]

Originally Posted by muldoonthief

How did you become an Intergalactic Gladiator? Do you have to start as a Tri-County Gladiator, and work your way up through Intercontinental, Interplanetary, etc?

I became an intergalactic gladiator in order to save Earth from destruction, something the people on this planet may never know and appreciate.

Sounds all mysterious and cool, doesn't it?

[brujaja]

I have always wondered, what is the etymological connection between "gladiator" and "gladiolus?"

[Munch]

How did you feel about the ban on radio-chemical stimulants?

[kopek]

Who is tougher, Techno-destructo or Bozo-destructo and just where the heck is the Cosmic Control Tape these days?

[Intergalactic Gladiator]

Originally Posted by brujaja

I have always wondered, what is the etymological connection between "gladiator" and "gladiolus?"

There is a connection, but only if you're willing to fight flower with flower.

Originally Posted by Munch

How did you feel about the ban on radio-chemical stimulants?

I've never used radio-chemical stimulants. As one of the good guys, I feel it would be unfair to give myself an unatural advantage. That and it makes my pee glow.

[Intergalactic Gladiator]

Originally Posted by kopek

Who is tougher, Techno-destructo or Bozo-destructo and just where the heck is the Cosmic Control Tape these days?

Techno-Destructo is tougher, but at least has some kicking dance rhythms playing when he fights. Bozo-Destructo just wants to hit you with a cream pie.

I don't know where the Cosmic Control Tape is. I wasn't supposed to watch it, was I?

[kenobi 65]

What sort of endorsement opportunities do you get?

[Intergalactic Gladiator]

Originally Posted by kenobi 65

What sort of endorsement opportunities do you get?

There are some. I get a cut of the merchandising that is produced and gladiators work with IGE's Senior Vice President of Marketing and Talent Coordination J'onn Sinew Nu for that.

And the conversion between space bucks and American dollars isn't easy, either.

[ProfX]

Did you know I had to register with this site just so I could post this question?

[Intergalactic Gladiator]

Originally Posted by ProfX

Did you know I had to register with this site just so I could post this question?

Weren't you already registered? How many Professor X's are out there? Wait, are you the evil twin from the evil dimension or anything?

[blondebear]

What is the density of hydrogen molecules in intergalactic space?

[kenobi 65]

Is it true what they say about Xaqbar the Annihilator from Galaxy M235? I mean, yes, it'd explain why they never were able to find Jub-Jub 75's internal organs, but wouldn't it be obvious in the pre-fight full-body scans that they make you guys take?

[Intergalactic Gladiator]

Originally Posted by blondebear

What is the density of hydrogen molecules in intergalactic space?

I must admit that I'm and Intergalactic Gladiator and not an intergalactic physicist, but I do believe that hydrogen has the same mass of 1.00794 u anywhere you go.

Originally Posted by kenobi 65

Is it true what they say about Xaqbar the Annihilator from Galaxy M235? I mean, yes, it'd explain why they never were able to find Jub-Jub 75's internal organs, but wouldn't it be obvious in the pre-fight full-body scans that they make you guys take?

You know what they say about Jub-Jub's internal organs: No one can eat just one.

[Malleus, Incus, Stapes!]

Do you get good medical coverage?

[Intergalactic Gladiator]

Originally Posted by Malleus, Incus, Stapes!

Do you get good medical coverage?

It's decent, but doesn't cover acts of gods. My wife has insurance through Chicago Public Schools and it's actually better.

[Darth Sensitive]

Originally Posted by Intergalactic Gladiator

It's decent, but doesn't cover acts of gods. My wife has insurance through Chicago Public Schools and it's actually better.

Have you ever had to compete against a god? Could be problematic.

[Intergalactic Gladiator]

Originally Posted by Darth Sensitive

Have you ever had to compete against a god? Could be problematic.

No, but I did go up against the devil once. I fought through the 9 levels of Hell to rescue Pvt. Hudson. Not a fun time, but one of my proudest moments.

[El_Kabong]

Where do you see yourself in five years? Are you bothering to contribute to your 401(k), and do you get a company match?

[Intergalactic Gladiator]

Originally Posted by El_Kabong

Where do you see yourself in five years? Are you bothering to contribute to your 401(k), and do you get a company match?

I am working on my masters degree. I ihave no idea how that pertains to Intergalactic Gladiatoring. I haven't actually seend if the Federation has a 401(k). Maybe I should look into that.

[Professor X]

Is there any moral problem with registering for the same site with two different names?

[ProfX]

Yeah, I'm curious about that too.

[Intergalactic Gladiator]

You might have to take that up with the mods...

[Professor X]

You don't actually buy into the conspiracy theory that mods exist, do you?

[Intergalactic Gladiator]

Originally Posted by Professor X

You don't actually buy into the conspiracy theory that mods exist, do you?

I've seen how lame they are on other boards, but they seem pretty active around here.*

*That's kind of an inside joke. See, Professor X and I are both mods on another board that has only about 3 1/2 people who frequent it and of those 3 1/2, 3 are moderators.

[Malleus, Incus, Stapes!]

What is your preferred weapon? Or do you have several you like?

[muldoonthief]

How often do you fight? Are the matches scheduled well ahead of time, or are you on call 24/7? Any chance you can comp me some tickets? Is betting on the matches encouraged, discouraged, or flat out illegal?

[Intergalactic Gladiator]

Originally Posted by Malleus, Incus, Stapes!

What is your preferred weapon? Or do you have several you like?

I have a Wristcomm that features a sonic stunner and monofilament cable launcher. I don't use the launcher so much in matches and only the stunner when it's legal. I've also used a Laser trident.

Originally Posted by muldoonthief

How often do you fight? Are the matches scheduled well ahead of time, or are you on call 24/7? Any chance you can comp me some tickets? Is betting on the matches encouraged, discouraged, or flat out illegal?

You'd think as an Intergalactic Gladiator, I'd be competing in matches all the time. I seem to spend a lot of my time doing side stuff like fighting the Zerg on Throneworld, running for president, and hosting the award winning Separated at Birth series.

Betting is legal and as soon as I get my next batch of free tickets, I'll send you a couple. Do you have transportation to planet Hacknor?

[Professor X]

Have you started playing Evony yet? I recommend server 90 or 25.

[Intergalactic Gladiator]

Originally Posted by Professor X

Have you started playing Evony yet? I recommend server 90 or 25.

I have not played Evony. Mostly I just stare at their online ads.

[Professor X]

What's your position on the gratuitous display of boobies?

[Intergalactic Gladiator]

Originally Posted by Professor X

What's your position on the gratuitous display of boobies?

I am not currently against boobies.

But I'd like to be.

[Shakes]

Which aliens are the best in bed?

[Gary "Wombat" Robson]

Originally Posted by Professor X

Is there any moral problem with registering for the same site with two different names?

[moderating]
Moral? No. But it is against the rules at SDMB. If you happen to know anyone who has done this, you might recommend having them contact the admins right away to straighten it out before they get banned.
[/moderating]

[Ogre]

Did you have to battle the Shadow in his Black Light form?
He dazzled you added 3 points to his score
Engulfed your microphone with darkness, added 3 more.

I understand, at this point, that the panel started to roar, and that you decided you must find the core of his power...

To win the battle, didn't you project a uni-beam through his spleen?
Pulled out your x-ray cannons to disintegrate the phantom?

[Intergalactic Gladiator]

Originally Posted by Shakes

Which aliens are the best in bed?

There are plenty, but I have to admit that I am not experienced in this area.

I'm married and my wife kind of looks like a cross between Maggie Gyllenhaal and Xena the Warrior Princess. I'm not taking any chances of getting her mad.

[twickster]

Originally Posted by ProfX

Did you know I had to register with this site just so I could post this question?

Originally Posted by Professor X

Is there any moral problem with registering for the same site with two different names?

Originally Posted by ProfX

Yeah, I'm curious about that too.

Originally Posted by Intergalactic Gladiator

You might have to take that up with the mods...

Originally Posted by Professor X

You don't actually buy into the conspiracy theory that mods exist, do you?

Originally Posted by Intergalactic Gladiator

I've seen how lame they are on other boards, but they seem pretty active around here.*

*That's kind of an inside joke. See, Professor X and I are both mods on another board that has only about 3 1/2 people who frequent it and of those 3 1/2, 3 are moderators.

Originally Posted by InvisibleWombat

[moderating]
Moral? No. But it is against the rules at SDMB. If you happen to know anyone who has done this, you might recommend having them contact the admins right away to straighten it out before they get banned.
[/moderating]

Too late. Both of those users have been banned. If that person (note the singular) wishes to ask to be reinstated under one or both of those names, he or she should contact TubaDiva at aol dot com.

What can I say? I'm not as nice as InvisibleWombat.

[Intergalactic Gladiator]

Originally Posted by Ogre

Did you have to battle the Shadow in his Black Light form?
He dazzled you added 3 points to his score
Engulfed your microphone with darkness, added 3 more.

I understand, at this point, that the panel started to roar, and that you decided you must find the core of his power...

To win the battle, didn't you project a uni-beam through his spleen?
Pulled out your x-ray cannons to disintegrate the phantom?

Once a Gladiator Intergalactically
Fought the Black Light Shadow climactically
Shooting the Shadow in the face
And launching him into space
Was the Gladiator's best option, tactically

[Dioptre]

When you say the fights are "real", you don't mean really real, right? Or is it in your contract that you have to keep up the pretense? I mean, I saw that move you used on Captain Xrytran, and there's no way it would have worked without his co-operation.

And that butt-kicking you gave The Incredible Trlylax? Given the number of small bones Zenophods have in that part of their body, he should have been in hospital for months if it was real, but he was fighting the next week!

It's entertaining, but it's all an act.

[Intergalactic Gladiator]

Originally Posted by Dioptre

When you say the fights are "real", you don't mean really real, right? Or is it in your contract that you have to keep up the pretense? I mean, I saw that move you used on Captain Xrytran, and there's no way it would have worked without his co-operation.

And that butt-kicking you gave The Incredible Trlylax? Given the number of small bones Zenophods have in that part of their body, he should have been in hospital for months if it was real, but he was fighting the next week!

It's entertaining, but it's all an act.

What? Why good sir, I have not heard such an insulting thing before in all my life! Of course it's all real. It's all really real. Really really real.

Come down to the ring and fight Abi the Butcher and tell me it's not real.