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Old 05-11-2011, 05:50 PM
Sampiro Sampiro is offline
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Let's discuss the subtext and unanswered questions of the Jack and the Beanstalk story

Presumably everybody knows the story, though there are different versions. Jack and the Beanstalk has more unanswered and half told component stories than any tale since the Book of Exodus.

For starters, why did the peddler, hereinafter referred to as "The Beanseller" or as B, trade beans that would allow an invasion of Giantland for a cow? Not even a nice cow, a cow owned by starving peasants. I have theories. Perhaps "these are magic beans" was a sales pitch that just coincidentally happened to be right, or the Beanseller was honest and really knew they were magic beans. Occams Razor would imply the latter- what are the chances that if he was making up something about the beans to talk a kid out of a cow that the elaborate infeasible tale he made up would just happen to be true?

So assuming that B knew they were beans that would sprout fast and strong enough to allow a not particularly bright boy (or was he? But I digress) to enter Giantland, a place with such insufficient defenses that even a boy could plunder it, why doesn't B just plant them himself, loot the Giant's castle, steal the gold, and use a mere fraction of it to buy a whole herd of cows and still have enough left over to buy a high rise pied a terre, a suburban mansion and a vacation house and still have money left over?

Either,

1- The Beanseller has no interest in money

OR

2- He somehow isn't able to conduct the raid himself

If he has no interest in money, why does he have interest in a puny cow?

My theory: the Beanseller has a personal beef (no cow pun intended) with the giant but is unable to invade Giantland himself. He wants the Giant dead, but needs a patsy.

OR

He plans to rob Jack. But that presents so many other problems I'm going to ignore it for now. Perhaps somebody else will take it.
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Old 05-11-2011, 05:51 PM
Sampiro Sampiro is offline
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As for Jack and the Giant, what right did he have to the Giant's treasure? Why is the Giant seen as evil for trying to kill him?

Imagine this scenario: you're woken up in the middle of the night by an intruder, and when you turn on the lights you see that the intruder is a 2 foot tall adolescent little person who is trying to rob you. Do you say "Oooh, isn't he adorable! Let's see if I can find some baby clothes that match what I'm wearing and make some Mini-Me pictures!", or do you grab the first available weapon (without regard to whether it's size appropriate) and say "Get back mo-fooker you don't know me like that!" and hold him prisoner til the police come. I suspect you'd do the latter: the fact he's a Little Person is strange but the fact he's broken in and robbing you is the important part. The Giant is no different: however he earned his gold we can be sure he didn't steal it from Jack, Jack has no more claims to it than anybody else, he's completely in his rights and justifiable in all ways in imprisoning Jack. Jack is a thief and an invader, and if the giant were evil, he'd have killed Jack right off the bat wouldn't he?
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Old 05-11-2011, 05:55 PM
Bearflag70 Bearflag70 is offline
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Perhaps B knew the beans were magic but had no idea exactly what magical properties the beans had.
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Old 05-11-2011, 06:00 PM
Sampiro Sampiro is offline
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Then there's Jack's mom. She is, according to the story, penniless and starving and has only one asset: a cow which she tells jack to sell to buy food. Now presumably the entire land is not doing well, but even if the local economy is booming a so-so cow is not now nor has it ever been able to bring enough to really tide you over more than a few weeks and that's if you get top dollar and eat cheaply; you're as well off slaughtering it and then trading meat for vegetables to go with it. If you can hold off any time at all the best thing to do would be to breed it to a bull and in a few months you'll have milk that you can use to make cheese, veal if you just really need a beef hit (and even a calf can make a lot of sausage), and all the while manure to plant things.

Instead Jack's mom does one of the stupidest possible things with her one asset: gives it to a halfwitted son who trades it for a handful of beans. She apparently doesn't even think of going with him. What is she thinking?

I'm starting to wonder if there ever even was a cow. Two theories about his mother come to mind:

1- His mother (hereinafter M) is a Mary Surratt figure who may not have been in on a plot with her son and or the beanseller to kill the giant and they all invented the cow story later to explain sudden wealth or else concocted it beforehand for plausible deniability sake

OR

2 His mother is like Angela Lansbury's character in THE MANCHURIAN CANDIDATE and is working with the Beanseller to get her son to be an unwitting assassin of the Giant

Or is he unwitting? Perhaps he's less a Manchurian Candidate than a conspirator with Beanseller all along. Or perhaps it's middle ground: he's gullible and easily swayed ala Leon Czolgosz. Either way, this could be something he and the Beanseller have been cooking up in their basement for some while ala Lenin and Trotsky.

There's a profounder side to this whole thing and I won't rest until we know the truth. I suspect it's a combination Bolshevik parable with the Giant as the Romanov Dynasty (except that makes little sense the story is older than the Russian Revolution) or it's a code that will lead us to the Last Scion.

Either way, interested to read your thoughts and conspiracy theories.
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Old 05-11-2011, 06:02 PM
Sampiro Sampiro is offline
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So 4 Theories So Far:
M= Mother/J= Jack/B=Beanseller

1- M gives J cow in good faith, J trades to B in good faith, neither J or M knows B before hand

2) J and B are working together, M is in the dark

3) M and B are working together, J is in the dark

4) J and M and B all know each other and are all working together

As for the beanstalk: what possible advantage could a gigantic beanstalk have to a regular sized person? Approximately none. BUT it would be only logical that a giant's beanstalks would be, in a word, giant, or otherwise it would be like a ...regular sized person harvesting beans the size of BBs. (Sidenote: Truman Capote once observed that his favorite thing about very rich people was how smaller their food was- "potatoes the size of peas and bananas the size of okra.") So, these probably were not so much magic beans as just giant's beans. Clearly the beanseller had obtained them, directly or indirectly, from the Giant's land, implying either he had been there himself or he had a mole in Giant Land.

Now I'm wondering who had the most to gain by the Giant's death.
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Old 05-11-2011, 06:10 PM
Michael of Lucan Michael of Lucan is offline
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In essence, Jack is really stupid, accepting alleged magic beans for a cow. He strikes lucky, for some reason that we can't understand - as summarised by Sampiro.

The beans grow - on the face of it, several plants grow from them, in an intertwined fashion. It is not made clear what is supporting them, as beans need to grow on something like another plant or wire. Implausible indeed.

Then this idiot actually climbs up the plants in a totally dangerous fashion. He could not rationally expect anything from doing this, and is just being stupid. By chance, he gets lucky again, and finds a giant's country. Ultimately he steals money and goods from the giant, who seems to be a normal law-abiding resident of the cloud country. After this, he escapes, and causes the innocent resident to fall to his death.

I think we need to enquire further into this story about how he acquired his gold. the beans and giant story is frankly not believable.
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Old 05-11-2011, 06:16 PM
Sampiro Sampiro is offline
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So it diverges into two more camps:

1- The gold and goods really did come from a Giant

or

2- The Giant is a ruse, there never was one

Although with 2, surely somebody would think to ask "so where is this beanstalk? Or the remains of this giant?"
  #8  
Old 05-11-2011, 06:29 PM
kaylasdad99 kaylasdad99 is offline
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Now, hold on a minute, pardner!

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Originally Posted by Sampiro View Post
Now I'm wondering who had the most to gain by the Giant's death.
Either you're unaware of the versions of the tale that include the fact that the Giant had a wife, or you have some motive for covering up her existence and partitipation in the events that led to the Giant's demise.

Perhaps you are a scion of The Widder Giantess's second marriage (to the beanseller, of course), a hypothesis I find far more plausible than any that involve you being ignorant of even the most obscure versions of this bit of folklore.

Let's open the floor back up for some more discussion...
  #9  
Old 05-11-2011, 06:31 PM
Sampiro Sampiro is offline
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Originally Posted by kaylasdad99 View Post
Either you're unaware of the versions of the tale that include the fact that the Giant had a wife, or you have some motive for covering up her existence and partitipation in the events that led to the Giant's demise.

Perhaps you are a scion of The Widder Giantess's second marriage (to the beanseller, of course), a hypothesis I find far more plausible than any that involve you being ignorant of even the most obscure versions of this bit of folklore.

Let's open the floor back up for some more discussion...
Did anybody ever see the Giant's wife before his death other than Jack? Because what I hear of is a woman who suddenly shows up saying "Oh, I was his wife... no, no marriage license, but we were married in our hearts in an 'I inherit what's left of his earthly estate" sort of way.

I wonder if his 'wife' bore a strong resemblance to Jack's mother.

Or if she had indeed been caught with the Beanseller, whoever he was before he sold beans, and spirited him the beans. Which I suspect weren't beans at all but bamboo which grows very fast and doesn't need a pole to support it, in which case either she or the giant one may well have been Asian.

Last edited by Sampiro; 05-11-2011 at 06:36 PM.
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Old 05-11-2011, 06:42 PM
kaylasdad99 kaylasdad99 is offline
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Does a castle in the sky count as an "earthly estate?"

Wait, did you say the Giant was Aslan???

Last edited by kaylasdad99; 05-11-2011 at 06:43 PM.
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Old 05-11-2011, 06:45 PM
kaylasdad99 kaylasdad99 is offline
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nm. For a minute, I forgot that this wasn't a Skald the Rhymer thread.
  #12  
Old 05-11-2011, 06:49 PM
WhyNot WhyNot is offline
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People, people, people! You're being far too literal here. Clearly Jack and The Beanstalk is a thinly veiled adolescent sex fantasy.

First, the boy rids himself of the cow. Cow. Milk. Mothers. He trades away this sign of maternal warmth and nourishment for a "stalk" which grows to enormous proportions in the night while he sleeps. Grasping this "stalk," he climbs until he comes to the home of the Giant's Wife. She services him, feeds him dinner and generally finds him to be good company until her husband comes home. Startled, she hides the adulterer in her chest - a traditional symbol of a girl's hopes and dreams of marriage.

Jack makes his escape, sliding down that giant stalk, until he's safe and sound at home again. But it he satisfied with cuckolding the Giant once? Nope. He returns to steal everything that's not nailed down, slides back down the stalk and, sated at last, cuts it off!

Now that his adolescent adventures are over, he vows never to return to Giant Country again and he retires to a life of luxury, spent and impotent.

Last edited by WhyNot; 05-11-2011 at 06:51 PM.
  #13  
Old 05-11-2011, 06:50 PM
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The beanseller is actually Gandalf, and he can't use the beans himself because the Giant has wards up against wizardly invasion.
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Old 05-11-2011, 06:54 PM
Zsofia Zsofia is offline
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Why on earth can't the beanseller be benevolent?
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Old 05-11-2011, 06:54 PM
GrandWino GrandWino is offline
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From the Wiki article, regarding the telling of the story that all subsequent tellings have used as a basis:

Quote:
In Tabart's 1807 version, the story is set in the days of King Alfred. A poor woman lives far from London in a cottage with her "indolent, careless, and extravagant" son, Jack. The two have little money and are forced to sell their last possession, a cow. Jack leads the animal along the road and meets a butcher whose hat is filled with beans. Jack sells the cow for the beans. His mother is furious when she discovers the transaction and tosses the beans away. The next morning, Jack finds a beanstalk has grown to the clouds and climbs it against his mother's wishes. At its top, he discovers a barren countryside, and happens upon an old woman. She warns him that she is a fairy and he must do exactly as she commands or he and his mother will be destroyed.
According to the fairy, Jack's father was a rich, hospitable, and charitable gentleman killed by a giant who envied his wealth. The gentleman's wife and son were spared on the condition she never tell her son the cause of his father's death. She fled with her babe to dwell in a lonely cottage. The fairy was formerly the guardian of Jack's father but transgressed on the day of his death. Her powers were suspended by the fairies, and she was unable to protect him. Her powers were restored the day Jack accepted the beans and it was she who caused the beanstalk to grow. She now tells Jack he is the one appointed to avenge his father's death and he may take anything that belongs to the giant because it is rightfully his.
The plot thickens...
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Old 05-11-2011, 06:59 PM
Sampiro Sampiro is offline
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Originally Posted by Zsofia View Post
Why on earth can't the beanseller be benevolent?
I won't say it's impossible, but I will ask your honest answer (and we'll know if you lie): of the beansellers you've known who accept livestock for beans, were ANY of them benevolent?
  #17  
Old 05-11-2011, 07:01 PM
Sampiro Sampiro is offline
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Originally Posted by Bob Ducca View Post
From the Wiki article, regarding the telling of the story that all subsequent tellings have used as a basis:



The plot thickens...
Oh as if! Homeless old bags will tell you any sob story they think will make you feel sympathy and a connection to them to get a handout and that's clearly what this old "transgressed fairy" was doing IF she even existed.

Last edited by Sampiro; 05-11-2011 at 07:02 PM.
  #18  
Old 05-11-2011, 07:04 PM
Springtime for Spacers Springtime for Spacers is offline
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You're all forgetting the origin of the Giant's wealth (and Jack and his mother's poverty) the Giant pinched it all from Jack's father in the first place. Of course this could just be a post facto justification since the Giant isn't around anymore to tell his side of the story so I'll bring in the absolute proof of the boy's right to do as he did. His mother named him Jack and Jacks are born to be giant killers.

edited to add posted before seeing Bob Ducca's post.

Last edited by Springtime for Spacers; 05-11-2011 at 07:05 PM.
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Old 05-11-2011, 07:12 PM
Balance Balance is offline
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...he had a mole in Giant Land.
So, you're suggesting there was a mole in the Giant's garden?
  #20  
Old 05-11-2011, 07:22 PM
Sampiro Sampiro is offline
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So if the Giant stole Jack's father's money, did that mean Jack's father lived in the sky or that the Giant once lived on the land? Either way I'm not buying it- there's a reason they live in two different environments and I'm thinking it's because they couldn't both live in the same type of place.
  #21  
Old 05-11-2011, 07:32 PM
TriPolar TriPolar is offline
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Um, doesn't anyone else see the Oedipal roots of this story? Jack is spurned by his mother, causing an awakening of his sexual psyche (the bean pole) leading him to kill his father (the giant).
  #22  
Old 05-11-2011, 07:33 PM
kaylasdad99 kaylasdad99 is offline
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So, you're suggesting there was a mole in the Giant's garden?
Surprising that HE never plummeted to his death in Jack's front yard.
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Old 05-11-2011, 09:04 PM
BrotherCadfael BrotherCadfael is offline
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Not even a nice cow, a cow owned by starving peasants.
In fact, she was an udder failure.
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Old 05-11-2011, 09:15 PM
Sampiro Sampiro is offline
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Surprising that HE never plummeted to his death in Jack's front yard.
Speaking of, the rules of physics in this story are also impossible to dissect. I can accept the existence of giants- it never says the giant was 90 feet tall or anything, I think the cutoff for giant in America is 7'0 tall and there's any number of people who tower over that. I can accept a rare plant that shoots up dramatically fast and high- as I've posited it could be a strain of bamboo, a plant that grows so fast it can actually be seen growing and this particular strain perhaps irradiated or genetically tampered with, so that too is possible. BUT---

Jack and his mother and presumably the Beanseller live on solid ground. They are conditioned to conditions of grounddwellers and the gravity of living on Earth or at least an Earthlike planet. Jack climbs the beanstalk and finds a Giant living in the sky and walking around clearly unconcerned with an unaffected by physics as we know it, either wandering around held aloft by clouds or just levitating or perhaps somehow there is solid ground in the sky, which begs the question "why doesn't it ever come crashing down to Earth?" Is it held aloft with Unobtainium- is this the Avatar world?

OR- perhaps- it is a mesa. That could be the case and would explain if the plant were indeed not bamboo how it was able to grow- it grew against the wall of a mesa, one on which a 7'0+ man had taken refuge, perhaps due to the prejudice he encountered below or because he preferred and or needed the oxygen of a higher altitude. So it could be that Jack was living in southern Utah or in Arizona or New Mexico and not Alfredian England.

And since American Indians are known to have cultivated numerous species of bean, perhaps he was a Hopi. Or go further south- an Inca- and this could be a tale of Macchu Picchu brought over by one of the starcraft that periodically comes out of Lake Titicaca to trade with people on the mountains and catch some shows in America, thus adding an extraterrestrial element.
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Old 05-11-2011, 10:07 PM
kaylasdad99 kaylasdad99 is offline
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I dunno. A beanstalk climbing up the side of a mesa? Maybe, but that raises the issue of how Jack severing the stem at the bottom is going to lead directly to the Giant's fatal fall. If the tendrils of the stalk weren't sufficient to anchor the plant to the cliff and provide a safe climbing path for him with it intact, then Jack hardly needed to bother chopping at the base.

And if they were sufficient to anchor the plant, cutting the base of the stalk isn't likely to make much difference, wrt the Giant reaching Jack's level in one piece.
  #26  
Old 05-11-2011, 10:16 PM
HazelNutCoffee HazelNutCoffee is offline
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In fairytales, fortune always favors the simpleminded. The beanseller has probably been offering beans for cows, horses, and Maseratis for years, but no one would bite, because they were always far too sensible. It's sort of like a reverse idiot test - you are rewarded if you prove that you're a complete fool.
  #27  
Old 05-11-2011, 10:23 PM
Boyo Jim Boyo Jim is offline
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Homoeroticism? Yes! Jack climbs a beanstalk??!!! Puuhhhleeeezzze!
  #28  
Old 05-11-2011, 11:20 PM
Rhythmdvl Rhythmdvl is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sampiro View Post
Did anybody ever see the Giant's wife before his death other than Jack? Because what I hear of is a woman who suddenly shows up saying "Oh, I was his wife... no, no marriage license, but we were married in our hearts in an 'I inherit what's left of his earthly estate" sort of way.

I wonder if his 'wife' bore a strong resemblance to Jack's mother.
Simple explanation that ties in every post so far:


I am Jack's Oedipus complex.
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Old 05-12-2011, 04:39 AM
Michael of Lucan Michael of Lucan is offline
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As I said in my first post, Jack's story is implausible, clearly made up without much consideration.

Jack, a poor youth, is found outside his mother's cottage, with a large amount of cash and valuable objects. A large man is lying dead nearby. He has fallen from a height. There is also a large amount of crushed foliage. Obviously the authorities have moved in quickly before he had time to think.

We have found D B Cooper.


Last edited by Michael of Lucan; 05-12-2011 at 04:41 AM.
  #30  
Old 05-12-2011, 04:43 AM
An Gadaí An Gadaí is offline
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Is Jack the same Jack of Jack & Jill infamy? Kid gets around.
  #31  
Old 05-12-2011, 05:08 AM
Der Trihs Der Trihs is offline
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He plans to rob Jack. But that presents so many other problems I'm going to ignore it for now. Perhaps somebody else will take it.
I think he did rob Jack. We never hear about what happened to the chopped down beanstalk...perhaps that's what the beanseller really wanted, a full grown beanstalk. Think about it; we have a stalk that grows with impossible speed, extends to impossible heights, and those who climb it end up in another land with physics defying giant people. It's some kind of organic interdimensional transport!

The thing almost has to have some sort of ultra-high energy un-Earthly metabolism to grow that fast, and is made of something pretty exotic to support not only its weight but that of a giant. And warping between dimensions definitely requires things you wouldn't find in normal vegetation. Quite likely things that are radioactive or a close facsimile. For that matter, all of the giant's loot since it came from a universe with slightly different physics quite possibly started to radioactively decay once it was brought into Jacks universe. Which explains why the beanseller didn't grow one himself; he wanted to live. We just didn't read the sequel where Jack dies of cancer in a year or two...

So Jack grows the thing, climbs up, and has the whole giant incident. He chops down the stalk, and goes home to count his lethal loot. The beanseller meanwhile quietly appropriates the now quiescent beanstalk to harvest its exotic dimension crossing materials now that it's dead and no longer producing dangerous levels of exotic particles.
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Old 05-12-2011, 07:45 AM
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You're all barking up the wrong, uh, beanstalk here. Clearly the key to the story here is Jack's exchange of a cow, and its meat and milk, for beans, the foundation of a plant-based diet. Like the French movie Delicatessen, this is a tale that pits the meat-eating lifestyle against an alternative vegetarian regime. Jack is of course a young person who leaves home and discovers alternatives, immediately characterized by his elders as 'lazy' because he is not interested in their traditional rat-race. No doubt he has long hair and plays in a band as well. However, he's proved right -- by abandoning the materialist trappings of the industrial factory-farm and satisfying himself with the humble bean, Jack shows that he has actually gained security from want -- the real wealth.
  #33  
Old 05-12-2011, 08:54 AM
EvilTOJ EvilTOJ is offline
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Originally Posted by HazelNutCoffee View Post
In fairytales, fortune always favors the simpleminded. The beanseller has probably been offering beans for cows, horses, and Maseratis for years, but no one would bite, because they were always far too sensible. It's sort of like a reverse idiot test - you are rewarded if you prove that you're a complete fool.
Later, the beanseller moved to Nigeria to try and offload his father's riches to Americans.
  #34  
Old 05-12-2011, 09:09 AM
Boyo Jim Boyo Jim is offline
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I believe that the story is an allegory for the American-Soviet conflict.

Jack of course is the American, making all the wrong choices and being dumb as a rock, but still ending up with all the shiny stuff at the end.

The Giant is the Soviet Union, slow, ponderous, and not the brightest bulb in the string either.

The beanstalk -- well, that could be several things. Perhaps it's the Apollo-Soyuz joint mission. Or the Berlin Wall as it is being demolished by demonstrators who join hands across it. Whatever, it spans the two societies, and is instrumental in one of them crumbling.

I think that's ample evidence right there, because I'm an American and I don't need no freakin' evidence to convince me of anything!
  #35  
Old 05-12-2011, 10:27 AM
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Originally Posted by Sampiro View Post
I won't say it's impossible, but I will ask your honest answer (and we'll know if you lie): of the beansellers you've known who accept livestock for beans, were ANY of them benevolent?
I happen to know that many of them belong to the Benevolent and Protective Order of the Beansellers. Fie upon you and your disparagement of the honorable profession of legume trading!
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Old 05-12-2011, 10:30 AM
Tom Scud Tom Scud is offline
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OR- perhaps- it is a mesa. That could be the case and would explain if the plant were indeed not bamboo how it was able to grow- it grew against the wall of a mesa, one on which a 7'0+ man had taken refuge, perhaps due to the prejudice he encountered below or because he preferred and or needed the oxygen of a higher altitude. So it could be that Jack was living in southern Utah or in Arizona or New Mexico and not Alfredian England.
This is clearly impossible, as the western US is far too arid to support that kind of rapid plant growth.
  #37  
Old 05-12-2011, 10:52 AM
Boyo Jim Boyo Jim is offline
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...
My theory: the Beanseller has a personal beef (no cow pun intended) with the giant but is unable to invade Giantland himself. He wants the Giant dead, but needs a patsy.

OR

He plans to rob Jack. But that presents so many other problems I'm going to ignore it for now. Perhaps somebody else will take it.
The Beanseller could not know that Jack could beat the Giant.

My alternate theory is that Jack's mom was a MILF, and the Beanseller wanted Jack dead and gone, and mom even poorer and needier than before. The he would step in, a wealthy businessman who could solve all her problems.
  #38  
Old 05-12-2011, 01:17 PM
kaylasdad99 kaylasdad99 is offline
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The Beanseller could not know that Jack could beat the Giant.
pfffft. Of course he knew Jack could beat the giant. His name was Jack, ferchrissake.

The only that could have made the Giant's death a surer bet is if the kid's name was B.L. Taylor.

And poor women who are needy to the point of starvation are not generally known for their pulchritudinous forms.

'Less the guy was some sort of fetishist, of course; gotta give Rule 34 its props.

Last edited by kaylasdad99; 05-12-2011 at 01:20 PM.
  #39  
Old 05-12-2011, 01:22 PM
Rhythmdvl Rhythmdvl is offline
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The only that could have made the Giant's death a surer bet is if the kid's name was B.L. Taylor.
Or, you know, David.
  #40  
Old 05-12-2011, 01:44 PM
Malleus, Incus, Stapes! Malleus, Incus, Stapes! is offline
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Originally Posted by Sampiro View Post
Jack and his mother and presumably the Beanseller live on solid ground. They are conditioned to conditions of grounddwellers and the gravity of living on Earth or at least an Earthlike planet. Jack climbs the beanstalk and finds a Giant living in the sky and walking around clearly unconcerned with an unaffected by physics as we know it, either wandering around held aloft by clouds or just levitating or perhaps somehow there is solid ground in the sky, which begs the question "why doesn't it ever come crashing down to Earth?" Is it held aloft with Unobtainium- is this the Avatar world?
Balloons. Lots and lots of helium balloons.
  #41  
Old 05-12-2011, 01:52 PM
Boyo Jim Boyo Jim is offline
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Originally Posted by kaylasdad99 View Post
pfffft. Of course he knew Jack could beat the giant. His name was Jack, ferchrissake.

The only that could have made the Giant's death a surer bet is if the kid's name was B.L. Taylor.

And poor women who are needy to the point of starvation are not generally known for their pulchritudinous forms.

'Less the guy was some sort of fetishist, of course; gotta give Rule 34 its props.
Some guys find the gaunt look hot. Besides, B could flesh her out in a matter of weeks.
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Old 05-12-2011, 02:04 PM
kaylasdad99 kaylasdad99 is offline
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Originally Posted by kaylasdad99 View Post
The only that could have made the Giant's death a surer bet is if the kid's name was B.L. Taylor.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rhythmdvl View Post
Or, you know, David.
Good point.

Come to think of it, giants are downright fragile.
  #43  
Old 05-12-2011, 02:44 PM
Telperion Telperion is online now
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Originally Posted by HazelNutCoffee View Post
The beanseller has probably been offering beans for cows, horses, and Maseratis for years, but no one would bite, because they were always far too sensible.
Well, that would explain why the ambulatory butcher/greengrocer business model never took off.
  #44  
Old 05-12-2011, 03:57 PM
mlees mlees is online now
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Originally Posted by Sampiro
My theory: the Beanseller has a personal beef (no cow pun intended) with the giant but is unable to invade Giantland himself. He wants the Giant dead, but needs a patsy.

That's it. B is actually G. (Ghandalf.)
  #45  
Old 05-12-2011, 04:34 PM
enalzi enalzi is offline
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All this talk about giants and beans and no mention of the economic impact of a magical hen that can lay golden eggs? Now I've done the math, and a large egg made solid gold weighs about 900 grams. In some stories, the hen can lay eggs on command, but lets just assume Jack has the hen lay an egg once a day. Over the course of a year, that 328.5 kg of gold. That's a metric ton every three years.

This means that, going by 1800's gold prices, Jack floods the market with over $200000 worth of gold every year. The influx of gold lowers its price and crashes the market.

That's right, Jack and Beanstalk caused the Great Depression.
  #46  
Old 05-12-2011, 05:37 PM
Chronos Chronos is offline
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Now I've done the math, and a large egg made solid gold weighs about 900 grams.
It's not solid gold; just a thin layer just inside the shell (along with a few other exotic but stable isotopes). The fowl transmutes it from environmental oxygen-18. Sheesh, don't you folks know anything?
  #47  
Old 05-12-2011, 06:11 PM
Sampiro Sampiro is offline
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So more properly it's a "gilded egg". Either way, while it's stupid to cut the goose open bluntly dissecting it would be an excellent idea as somehow it's digestive tract has found a way to convert grain and whatever else it's ingested into gold.

UNLESS the goose has been fed gold and is just getting rid of it in their digestive tract by slathering it onto eggshells.

I wonder, if the goose does alchemize grain into gold, I wonder what would happen if you mated her to a regular gander: would the eggs hatch into gold plated geese, would the geese hatched also lay golden eggs, or would they just be 100% regular run of the mill geese.
  #48  
Old 05-13-2011, 08:44 AM
Annie-Xmas Annie-Xmas is online now
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Roald Dahl has this covered.
  #49  
Old 05-13-2011, 08:46 AM
Maus Magill Maus Magill is online now
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I wish I had seen this thread before it hit Threadspotting.

You may be unaware that in the Appalachian Jack Stories, Jack gets set up for a number of adventures by a one-eyed wandering peddler wearing a wide brimmed hat. Jack usually engages in an honest trade with this mysterious peddler. He trades a cow for some beans, or shares his meal for a place to sleep. After the trade, where Jack does not ask for more than is offered, Jack then fights a monster (or monsters) on the peddler's behalf. He fights a giant in the first case, and witches in the second case. Then jack gets a reward for his honesty. (The Giant's gold or the shack where he slept is transformed in to a large house.)

I think it's obvious that Jack is the Mysterious One-eyed Peddler's pawn. And who is this mysterious wandering peddler who is missing an eye, wears a wide brimmed hat, rewards honesty, and wants to defeat monsters? Could it be... Odin?
  #50  
Old 05-13-2011, 03:38 PM
Corner Case Corner Case is offline
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Sit back and I'll tell you the tale

... though I'll be brief. It is really Tabart's story of his Nostradamus-like vision of the life of one Willy Gilligan. Gilligan, one day, ate the seeds of a strange-looking bush and besides giving him the ability to read minds it dimly projected his mind down through the ages and into the dreams of one Benjamin Tabart who wrote down the metaphorical Jack and the Beanstalk story.

Willy Gilligan was a bumbling, dimwitted, accident-prone man. Both Willy (diminuitive of William) and Jack (diminuitive of John) for all of the 19th Century and the first half of the 20th Century, were the most frequently given male names. Hence the confusion in Tabart's dream-like state and the use of Jack.

Gilligan, in the Navy, had saved the life of Jonas Grumby, who was a giant of a man in his eyes. Gilligan's greatest regret was taking the Skipper's prized treasure, the S.S. Minnow, away from him.

Jack's leaving home with the family cow and trading it for beans left his mother destitute. This reflected Gilligan's leaving home to join the Navy (viewed as the staple of the U.S. Navy, the navy bean). Gilligan wanted to climb the ranks in the Navy and be a giant of a man like his mentor. This was Jack's climb up the bean(stalk) to reach the giant. After his stint in the Navy he could have returned home, but his mother saw her final chance to keep her son (the cash cow who sent his paychecks home) fade as Gilligan was tempted too much by another life - on the S.S. Minnow. i.e. Baited, Jack sets sail (ventures off) to make his fortune.

But, Gilligan encounters a storm and throws an anchor overboard without a rope attached, just as Jack's mother (Mother Earth) yells at him for his poor choice in throwing away their cow and losing their lifeline. Gilligan ends up shipwrecked on an "uncharted" desert island (the giant's land) where the Skipper's greatest treasure, taken by Gilligan, lies. This is the cause of the Skipper greatest fall - captaining his own ship.
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