Heart ripped out by daughter this morning

[Baracus]

My mother-in-law has been fighting colon cancer for the past two and a half years. It has been a tough slog with many ups and downs and close calls, but she has persevered. She got treatment through the Block center in Chicago, which included diet and exercise regiments along with traditional chemo. Unfortunately, about two weeks ago it was discovered that things had progressed to the point that there was no point in pursuing further treatment and she started Hospice care.

This has been hard on my wife and she is trying to get up to visit her mom as much as possible. She just left this morning and before she left our five year old daughter, who is one of the most generous kids I ever met, had my wife pack some of her Halloween candy to share with her grandparents. I don't think the wheels in her head ever stop turning because as we were getting in the car she said, "Grami is eating sugar now?", which had been one of her dietary restrictions, now pointless. My wife told her that, yes, she was. To which my daughter replied, "Maybe that means she is getting better!" Followed up shortly later by "Will she still need glasses when she gets better?" For most of my daughter's intellectually-aware life, Grami has been sick and the topic of her getting better has not come up before.

Ugh. That was not when we wanted to be having that conversation though - her on the way to school and my wife leaving town for four days. We know we should tell her but she is SO anxious and thinks and worries about stuff so freaking much. She is going with my wife next weekend to see Grami and we would rather she just enjoy their time together. On the other hand, it seems unfair to leave her in the dark.

Part of the problem is that we don't really have any timeline here. Given her current state she could last for months. On the other hand, she could throw a clot and be dead this afternoon. I don't want my daughter to end up spending months worrying about her Grami.

I guess one approach would be just to tell her that Grami's sickness isn't the kind of thing that goes away and that she isn't going to get better. That she stopped doing treatment because they weren't working and she still is going to be sick. If she presses on our explanation, which she may very well do, then I guess we would have to be honest. Hopefully we will have some warning when her passing is imminent, but if not we will have at least managed our daughter's expectations.

I am sure many other dopers have dealt with this. Anyone have any advice?