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  #1  
Old 02-06-2012, 08:44 AM
Eve Eve is offline
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"Lucky Charms! With Bloody Teeth!"

They're not magically delicious! I grabbed some cereal off the shelf at the deli this morning and missed the Cheerios, winding up--much to my chagrin--with Lucky Charms. I opened it, nervously, and was greeted by . . . I have no idea what.

I can kind of recognize the "blue moons" and the "green clovers" (which are actually clovers stamped on some parellelogram-type shape). But the rest of the charms . . . One appears to be a bloody tooth: a white, tooth-shaped object with a smear of dark pink at one end. To represent the upshot of the St. Paddy's Parade? Another appears to be a kicky 1960s Courreges dress in blue and white, which is highly unlikely.

I tried to nibble on one of the bloody teeth, and it was not magically delicious. It tasted like something a Peep had thrown up.
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  #2  
Old 02-06-2012, 10:38 AM
Mama Zappa Mama Zappa is offline
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All the marshmallows taste that way - or at least they did, the last time I was (un)fortunate enough to sample this particular delicacy.

I cannot be the only one who saw this thread and thought you'd broken a tooth on the stuff!! I'm relieved that I was wrong.
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  #3  
Old 02-06-2012, 10:39 AM
Annie-Xmas Annie-Xmas is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Eve View Post
I tried to nibble on one of the bloody teeth, and it was not magically delicious. It tasted like something a Peep had thrown up.
I am so stealing that last sentence!

Annie-Xmas, lover of both peeps and the writings of Eve
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  #4  
Old 02-06-2012, 10:49 AM
Bryan Ekers Bryan Ekers is online now
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The thing to remember about Lucky Charms is the original colors were green potatoes, red blood of patriots and the yellow right bastard Englishman that sends his goons to evict ye!
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  #5  
Old 02-06-2012, 10:50 AM
Eve Eve is offline
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My friend Mel guesses they are a special commemorative 'The Troubles' edition of Lucky Charms: "Bloody teeth! Brass knuckles! Silver bullets!"
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  #6  
Old 02-06-2012, 10:50 AM
Sigmagirl Sigmagirl is offline
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You got the last promo box of "Easter Parade" Lucky Charms, an early experimental product placement. Look inside to see if there's a little card notifying you you've won a date with Peter Lawford!
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  #7  
Old 02-06-2012, 10:53 AM
hogarth hogarth is offline
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Originally Posted by Mama Zappa View Post
I cannot be the only one who saw this thread and thought you'd broken a tooth on the stuff!! I'm relieved that I was wrong.
I also thought that.

Now, if the title said "Cap'n Crunch! With Bloody Gums!", there would be no ambiguity whatsoever.
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  #8  
Old 02-06-2012, 10:54 AM
Slithy Tove Slithy Tove is offline
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You've been fobbed off with junk charms. Lucky the Leprechaun took a bath in the Irish housing market. "Sure'n the skies th' limit!" my ass.
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  #9  
Old 02-06-2012, 11:02 AM
Infovore Infovore is offline
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I think the broken tooth marshmallow is supposed to be a shooting star. That's the only one I can find that resembles what you describe.

I like Lucky Charms marshmallows. I don't buy the cereal anymore because whenever I do I end up picking all the marshmallows out and being left with nothing but a box of boring cereal, which seems like kind of a waste.
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  #10  
Old 02-06-2012, 11:04 AM
purplehorseshoe purplehorseshoe is offline
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Yup, shooting star. Same "flavor" as the original marshmallows from decades ago. My username is my cite.
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  #11  
Old 02-06-2012, 11:08 AM
KinkiNipponTourist KinkiNipponTourist is offline
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Are you KIDDING? I pay upwards of $35 for a box of those bad boys! But I will agree, Lucky the Elf has totally whored himself out, the games on the back of the box are insultingly lame, and the grody marshmallows are horrendous-looking shooting stars. Yeah, they look like bloody teeth. What sort of marketing wonks sat around a table and thought those ugly horrors looked like fun?

I say they put down the crack pipes and bring us back to the halcyon days of pink hearts, yellow moons, orange stars, green clover, and even the latecomer, blue diamonds.

Having said that, I happily scarf them down whenever I get my hands on them. Savor each spoonful/nasty marshmallow blob, and think of starving dopers in faraway lands.

ETA: Hi Santa!

Last edited by KinkiNipponTourist; 02-06-2012 at 11:08 AM.. Reason: Say hello to Santa!
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  #12  
Old 02-06-2012, 11:12 AM
Eve Eve is offline
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Maybe I can find a Valley of the Dolls edition: "Blue downers! Red uppers! Yellow gin bottles!"
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  #13  
Old 02-06-2012, 11:41 AM
Biffy the Elephant Shrew Biffy the Elephant Shrew is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Eve View Post
Maybe I can find a Valley of the Dolls edition: "Blue downers! Red uppers! Yellow gin bottles!"
I miss the promotion they had circa 1967. "Orange sunshine! Blue microdot! Purple haze! And mellow yellow. Owsley says it's magically delicious!"
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  #14  
Old 02-06-2012, 11:43 AM
Slithy Tove Slithy Tove is offline
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The blue diamonds are the source of those "online viagra - no prescription"spams
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  #15  
Old 02-06-2012, 11:46 AM
TriPolar TriPolar is offline
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When my kids were little, Lucky Charms ran a promotion where you could send in a box top of something and receive a free pine tree sapling to plant. Both my kids sent in their requests, but only one tree arrived. I called General Mills and asked to speak to Lucky, but apparently he wasn't in that day. However his secretary assured me he would personally look into the matter and send out another tree. A couple of weeks later the second tree arrived. I consider this proof of the existence of leprauchans, and Lucky in particular. Since leprauchans are actually evil little bastards, I wouldn't be surprised at actual broken teeth showing up in your cereal. Also the lawn guy ended up mowing down the trees, and I had always suspected he was actually a leprauchan.
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  #16  
Old 02-06-2012, 01:00 PM
kaylasdad99 kaylasdad99 is online now
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At the risk of spoiling the fun by revealing the mystery, here are a couple of links. The first one is to a blog that includes a picture of THIRTEEN marbits, along with their descriptions. The bloody teeth probably are, in fact, red shooting stars.

The second one, I'm not prepared to claim that it is a Courreges dress, but it did come up when I performed a google image search on "courreges dress." Based on that, I'm going to postulate that Eve's "a kicky 1960s Courreges dress in blue and white" is a blue shooting star.
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  #17  
Old 02-06-2012, 01:12 PM
Motorgirl Motorgirl is offline
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"Pink hearts, yellow moons, orange stars, green clovers. And now blue diamonds!" [/bad Irish accent]

My brain seizes up after that and can't list any more marshmallow types. I think the next ones along were purple horseshoes.

Wikipedia tells me that blue diamonds were introduced in 1975. They still seem new to me, even though I was 5 in 1975.
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  #18  
Old 02-06-2012, 01:37 PM
Cat Whisperer Cat Whisperer is offline
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It's a bit early, but what the hell - Happy St. Patrick's Day!
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  #19  
Old 02-06-2012, 02:05 PM
Scumpup Scumpup is offline
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Irish Breakfast: Guinness with Lucky Charms in it.
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  #20  
Old 02-06-2012, 02:07 PM
Miller Miller is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Eve View Post
My friend Mel guesses they are a special commemorative 'The Troubles' edition of Lucky Charms: "Bloody teeth! Brass knuckles! Silver bullets!"
Silver bullets? Were there a lot of Proddy werewolves running around in Belfast in 1920?
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  #21  
Old 02-06-2012, 02:11 PM
Biffy the Elephant Shrew Biffy the Elephant Shrew is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Eve View Post
My friend Mel guesses they are a special commemorative 'The Troubles' edition of Lucky Charms: "Bloody teeth! Brass knuckles! Silver bullets!"
Quote:
Originally Posted by Miller View Post
Silver bullets? Were there a lot of Proddy werewolves running around in Belfast in 1920?
"Orange men!"
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  #22  
Old 02-06-2012, 02:41 PM
aruvqan aruvqan is offline
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Originally Posted by Infovore View Post

I like Lucky Charms marshmallows. I don't buy the cereal anymore because whenever I do I end up picking all the marshmallows out and being left with nothing but a box of boring cereal, which seems like kind of a waste.
So just buy the marshmallow pieces by themselves =)
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  #23  
Old 02-06-2012, 02:50 PM
Chronos Chronos is offline
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"Pink hearts, yellow moons, orange stars, green clovers. And now blue diamonds!" [/bad Irish accent]

My brain seizes up after that and can't list any more marshmallow types. I think the next ones along were purple horseshoes.
You can probably pin down a person's age pretty closely by asking them what the definitive set of marbits is. Me, I include Purple Horseshoes (though I remember them being New! and Exciting!), but my brain refuses to recognize anything after that as "real".
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  #24  
Old 02-06-2012, 02:57 PM
kaylasdad99 kaylasdad99 is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Infovore View Post
I like Lucky Charms marshmallows. I don't buy the cereal anymore because whenever I do I end up picking all the marshmallows out and being left with nothing but a box of boring cereal, which seems like kind of a waste.
Truth in advertising.

Sorry about the misspelling of "marshmallows".
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  #25  
Old 02-06-2012, 03:20 PM
davidm davidm is offline
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Are you certain they're not real bloody teeth? Maybe there was an accident at the factory!
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  #26  
Old 02-06-2012, 03:42 PM
KneeSid KneeSid is offline
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You do realize Lucky Charms is nothing more than broken Cheerios and recycled circus peanuts
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  #27  
Old 02-06-2012, 05:19 PM
Eve Eve is offline
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You do realize Lucky Charms is nothing more than broken Cheerios and recycled circus peanuts
That would explain the "taste."
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  #28  
Old 02-06-2012, 05:46 PM
TBG TBG is offline
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You do realize Lucky Charms is nothing more than broken Cheerios and recycled circus peanuts
No no no, it's broken Alphabits and dehydrated leprechaun droppings.
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  #29  
Old 02-06-2012, 05:48 PM
Eve Eve is offline
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No no no, it's broken Alphabits and dehydrated leprechaun droppings.
Again, yep, "taste."
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  #30  
Old 02-06-2012, 07:12 PM
BigT BigT is offline
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Lucky Charms is one cereal where the generic is better. I think we get the Malt-o-Meal version, but I'm not sure.

Then again, it's been forever since I've been able to eat them, so, for all I know, my memories of the taste are false.
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  #31  
Old 02-06-2012, 07:19 PM
Little Nemo Little Nemo is offline
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Originally Posted by Eve View Post
Maybe I can find a Valley of the Dolls edition: "Blue downers! Red uppers! Yellow gin bottles!"
"They're tragically malicious!"
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  #32  
Old 02-06-2012, 07:52 PM
rocking chair rocking chair is offline
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...and i just bought 3 large boxes. ah, well, i still have frosted flakes, capt'n crunch, and trix.
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  #33  
Old 02-06-2012, 08:04 PM
furryman furryman is offline
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There was a trend several years back where they sold food products colored in psychedelic colors. I kept thinking about the red cereal the dad was advertising in the novel Cujo.
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  #34  
Old 02-08-2012, 12:55 PM
gnoitall gnoitall is offline
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Originally Posted by rocking chair View Post
...and i just bought 3 large boxes. ah, well, i still have frosted flakes, capt'n crunch, and trix.
That's the real problem with Lucky Charms. They're a gateway drug to Frosted Flakes. Sweet, sweet, crack-frosted flakes. /drool

But a huge bowl of Lucky Charms, hand-picked to be very marbit-heavy, and swimming in half-and-half... a pretty good way to get sugar-buzzed and crank my LDL numbers while pretending it's still "a nutritious part of a complete breakfast."
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  #35  
Old 02-08-2012, 01:09 PM
Acsenray Acsenray is offline
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Originally Posted by kaylasdad99 View Post
At the risk of spoiling the fun by revealing the mystery, here are a couple of links. The first one is to a blog that includes a picture of THIRTEEN marbits, along with their descriptions. The bloody teeth probably are, in fact, red shooting stars.
Are you kidding me? None of those things actually looks like anything at all. In my day the pink hearts, yellow moons, orange stars, green clovers, and blue diamonds at least were recognizable!
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  #37  
Old 02-08-2012, 01:39 PM
Irishman Irishman is offline
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Originally Posted by kaylasdad99 View Post
At the risk of spoiling the fun by revealing the mystery, here are a couple of links. The first one is to a blog that includes a picture of THIRTEEN marbits, along with their descriptions. The bloody teeth probably are, in fact, red shooting stars.

The second one, I'm not prepared to claim that it is a Courreges dress, but it did come up when I performed a google image search on "courreges dress." Based on that, I'm going to postulate that Eve's "a kicky 1960s Courreges dress in blue and white" is a blue shooting star.
Wow, 6 colors of shooting stars? That seems like a waste. They've been pretty stupid with the shapes for some time, so I'm not surprised.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Acsenray View Post
Are you kidding me? None of those things actually looks like anything at all. In my day the pink hearts, yellow moons, orange stars, green clovers, and blue diamonds at least were recognizable!
Yeah, they made changes that weren't improvements.

I was okay with purple horseshoes - those seem reasonable as lucky charms. Then they came up with the multi-color marshmallow process, and that drove them to change the traditional shapes/colors so they could make them "brighter". Thus they came up with the Pot of Gold, which has a yellow pot and a "gold" (orange) spot at the top. They modified the green clover to be a leprechaun hat with a green clover on it so they could have two colors of green. The made a rainbow that is three colored. They got rid of blue diamonds, made the yellow moons blue (because blue moons are culturally the luckier item and so they could retain blue while replacing the yellow with the pot of gold). And then they replaced the orange stars with "shooting stars", which are the bizarrest piece. You see, they orange star has an orange tail, but the tail would be too fragile if it were just the tail, so they made the white part as "background" or whatever for the tail, and thus it's a shooting star. Except it doesn't look like anything. The white doesn't really make sense - shooting stars are seen at night, shouldn't the background be black?

And the shapes are fairly indistinct. I mean, marshmallow isn't the best medium for high detail sculpture anyway, so simpler shapes are better. The hearts, horseshoes, and moons are reasonable. The balloons just look like blobs. The "hat", "pot of gold", and "shooting star" are all unindentifiable as objects - they have to be explained. Multiple colors of shooting stars is taking the worst peice and making more of them in the most ridiculous way possible. (Maybe I shouldn't say that - they could take that as inspiration.)
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  #38  
Old 02-08-2012, 01:56 PM
Eve Eve is offline
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They modified the green clover to be a leprechaun hat with a green clover on it so they could have two colors of green.
Oh, is that what that was? I was baffled. I know a bloody tooth when I see, it, though.
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  #39  
Old 02-08-2012, 06:46 PM
Jeep's Phoenix Jeep's Phoenix is offline
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Does anyone remember the hourglass shape with the dissolving center?

I remember when they introduced the red balloon...I thought it was awesome. I still have Lucky Charms in my pantry.
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  #40  
Old 02-08-2012, 11:19 PM
Sunspace Sunspace is offline
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...and i just bought 3 large boxes. ah, well, i still have frosted flakes, capt'n crunch, and trix.
You must read Breakfast of the Gods by Brendan Douglas Jones.
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  #41  
Old 02-09-2012, 08:12 AM
John DiFool John DiFool is offline
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Relevant Pickles comic strip today.
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  #42  
Old 02-09-2012, 08:44 AM
Acsenray Acsenray is offline
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A few months ago, our company installed a pantry with free beverages and snacks. Coincidentally, this morning I went down to discover that Lucky Charms is now one of the eight breakfast cereal options. Having read this thread, I had to have some. It tasted like I remember from my childhood, but the marshmallow shapes were horrible.
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  #43  
Old 02-09-2012, 09:08 AM
Eve Eve is offline
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Having read this thread, I had to have some. It tasted like I remember from my childhood, but the marshmallow shapes were horrible.
Bloody teeth, yes? Am I right?

Last edited by Eve; 02-09-2012 at 09:08 AM..
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  #44  
Old 02-09-2012, 09:38 AM
kaylasdad99 kaylasdad99 is online now
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You must read Breakfast of the Gods by Brendan Douglas Jones.
Seconded.
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  #45  
Old 02-09-2012, 10:17 AM
Chefguy Chefguy is offline
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Is it true that every box comes with a free bar of Irish Spring?
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  #46  
Old 02-09-2012, 10:20 AM
Scumpup Scumpup is offline
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Would it make it easier for you all to accept the bloody teeth if you were to just assume that they had been knocked out with a shillelagh?
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  #47  
Old 02-09-2012, 11:19 AM
Zulema Zulema is offline
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Lucky Charms is one cereal where the generic is better. I think we get the Malt-o-Meal version, but I'm not sure.

Then again, it's been forever since I've been able to eat them, so, for all I know, my memories of the taste are false.
I agree. Marshmallow Mateys are far superior to Lucky Charms. The cereal/ marshmallow balance is more balanced and they come in a kichen trash bag sized bag for $4.00.
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  #48  
Old 02-09-2012, 11:38 AM
Biffy the Elephant Shrew Biffy the Elephant Shrew is online now
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Is it true that every box comes with a free bar of Irish Spring?
Yes, and it tastes better than the marshmallows.
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  #49  
Old 02-09-2012, 11:50 AM
DCnDC DCnDC is offline
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I cannot be the only one who saw this thread and thought you'd broken a tooth on the stuff!! I'm relieved that I was wrong.
I was expecting a story about finding an actual bloody tooth in the cereal, like there had been some horrible accident at the factory followed by some very shoddy quality control.
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  #50  
Old 02-09-2012, 11:54 AM
Chefguy Chefguy is offline
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I was expecting a story about finding an actual bloody tooth in the cereal, like there had been some horrible accident at the factory followed by some very shoddy quality control.
Interesting word, shoddy. It comes from that part of the world, where the original meaning was for an inferior quality of cloth made out of cloth remnants. And you thought you wouldn't learn anything in this thread.
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