Paula Deen's English Pea Recipe

[Ca3799]

This really cracked me up today. It's Paula Deen's English Pea recipe on the Food network website. Here is the recipe:

Ingredients

1/4 cup (1/2 stick) butter
2 cans (14 1/2-ounces) English peas, drained

Directions

Melt the butter in small pot and add the peas. Cook over medium heat until peas are warm.

And the link: http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/p...ipe/index.html


The comments are hilarious! For example:

"MMMMMMM! Brings me back to my days at the orphanage."

"Uhmmm.... BRILLIANT!!! I would've never thought... peas and butter, together. But exceptional and I couldn't believe how easy. This one's a keeper. I may try and experiment more with this recipe later, but for now it's hard enough."

"Not since Paul Revere yelled "The British are Coming" has something English been this welcomed! Imagine, peas with butter! Those zany Brits. Thanks for the exposure to international cuisine Paula!"

"I tried tweaking the recipe a bit, just to add some pizzazz. I used 2/3 stick of butter ... way too buttery. I should have trusted you Paula!!!"

"This is AMAZING! I never would have thought to heat up the peas to cook them... And who knew that butter would lend itself so well to warm peas?! Next time, I'm also going to try and add a bit of salt and pepper to see how that combination works. Crazy, but I'm gonna go for it. Thanks, Paula! "

Only 229 more comments to go!

[Ravenman]

Pfft. Paula Deen has gone all healthy, I see. Only HALF a stick of butter?

[conway]

Isn't this from like 5 years ago?

[Malacandra]

People eat canned peas? :barf:

[MsWhatsit]

Originally Posted by Malacandra

People eat canned peas? :barf:

No, the grocery stores stock them for looks, mostly. They make a nice contrast with the red of the canned beets. It's all about aesthetics in today's grocery shelf stocking industry.

[twickster]

Moved MPSIMS --> Cafe Society, which is where the discussion of haute cuisine belongs.

[Springtime for Spacers]

English peas. Pray don't insult us so

[drastic_quench]

Paula Deen would put butter in Kool-Aid.

[MsWhatsit]

Originally Posted by drastic_quench

Paula Deen would put butter in Kool-Aid.

"You got Kool-Aid in my butter!"

"You got butter in my Kool-Aid!"

"Heeey......"


"...You got vomit on my floor."

[Jenaroph]

I'm disappointed. I was expecting at least some bacon.

[Maeglin]

Originally Posted by Jenaroph

I'm disappointed. I was expecting at least some bacon.

Apparently you aren't the only one.

This was a bit bland, and didn't have enough fat, so I sauteed them in 1lb of bacon fat after adding the butter. Yummy!!!!

[don't ask]

Originally Posted by Maeglin

Apparently you aren't the only one.

Thanks for that. I'm sure that conversion will improve lots of things I cook.

1/2 stick of butter = 1 pound of bacon fat

Same for cakes?

[Maeglin]

Originally Posted by don't ask

Thanks for that. I'm sure that conversion will improve lots of things I cook.

1/2 stick of butter = 1 pound of bacon fat

Same for cakes?

No, it's not a conversion. You add the pound of bacon fat in addition to the butter.

[don't ask]

Same for cakes?

[pulykamell]

Here's a collection of stupid Food Network recipes. Knock yourself out.

Frozen grapes is particularly amusing to me:

Ingredients
one bunch black grapes
one bunch green grapes

Directions
Wash bunches of black and green grapes and place on a tray in freezer. Allow to freeze for at least two hours.

Also, Nutella and toast:

Ingredients
1 loaf bread, any bread
1 container Nutella spread, store bought
Directions
Slice the bread and toast in oven or toaster. Spread desired amount of Nutella spread and serve while toast are still warm.

This recipe was provided by professional chefs and has been scaled down from a bulk recipe provided by a restaurant. The FN chefs have not tested this recipe, in the proportions indicated, and therefore, we cannot make any representation as to the results.

Note the last paragraph.

[Maeglin]

Originally Posted by don't ask

Same for cakes?

Absolutely. Simply immerse the cake in the correct amount of bacon fat and deep fry and you're golden.

[Dag Otto]

Wait. Do I put the peas in the cake or in the butter frosting?


Also, do I have to take the peas out of the can?

[Biggirl]

Originally Posted by Dag Otto

Wait. Do I put the peas in the cake or in the butter frosting?


Also, do I have to take the peas out of the can?

Don't even laugh. I had a girlfriend who once told her brother to cook the can of pork and beans himself, she wasn't his maid. "What? It's too hard for you to put a fucking can of beans in a saucepan?"

Didja know that if you put a can of beans in a saucepan, the can'll eventually spray pork and beans all over the kitchen? And no, the brother wasn't neither retarded nor under 10 years old. He was her older brother.

[DCnDC]

She forgot the pint of heavy cream.

[MsWhatsit]

Originally Posted by Biggirl

Didja know that if you put a can of beans in a saucepan, the can'll eventually spray pork and beans all over the kitchen? And no, the brother wasn't neither retarded nor under 10 years old. He was her older brother.

My brother-in-law was visiting once. He wanted to know if he could do anything to help out at lunchtime. I said, sure, why don't you make up a box of mac & cheese for the kids?

About 15 minutes later he said, "Wait, was I supposed to drain this?"

Yeah, he'd boiled the macaroni, and then without draining the water he'd added the cheese powder, milk, and butter. It was...unctuous.

My brother-in-law was about 35 years old at the time, FTR.

[drastic_quench]

Originally Posted by MsWhatsit

My brother-in-law was visiting once. He wanted to know if he could do anything to help out at lunchtime. I said, sure, why don't you make up a box of mac & cheese for the kids?

About 15 minutes later he said, "Wait, was I supposed to drain this?"

Yeah, he'd boiled the macaroni, and then without draining the water he'd added the cheese powder, milk, and butter. It was...unctuous.

My brother-in-law was about 35 years old at the time, FTR.

I went to grad school with a guy who got a pot of spaghetti sauce boiling and then dumped in box of dried pasta.

[John DiFool]

Originally Posted by Ravenman

Pfft. Paula Deen has gone all healthy, I see. Only HALF a stick of butter?

Still hasn't learned how to smile like a normal human being tho.

[Kimstu]

Originally Posted by drastic_quench

I went to grad school with a guy who got a pot of spaghetti sauce boiling and then dumped in box of dried pasta.

I went to college with a guy who once "helped" me bake a cake. He read the ingredients list and saw that it called for "2 eggs, separated".

You know where this is going. Yes, he broke one egg into one bowl, and another egg into another bowl. Ta-da!! 2 eggs, separated.

He looked so proud, like your golden retriever when he's just presented you with half a dead squirrel.

[Biggirl]

And people said the cooks on America's Worst Cooks were pretending.

[Kimballkid]

They could have written that recipe using just one line by saying: Read the instructions on the can.

[cwthree]

Originally Posted by Kimstu

I went to college with a guy who once "helped" me bake a cake. He read the ingredients list and saw that it called for "2 eggs, separated".

You know where this is going. Yes, he broke one egg into one bowl, and another egg into another bowl. Ta-da!! 2 eggs, separated.

He looked so proud, like your golden retriever when he's just presented you with half a dead squirrel.

Now, let's cut golden retriever boy some slack. When a recipe says something like "2 tablespoons sugar, divided" it means that's the total amount required and you'll have to split it as you work the recipe. Perhaps he equated "separated" with "divided."

Of course, we still tell the story of a relative who called home from college to ask, "When you make macaroni and cheese, do you have to boil the macaroni first?"

[Push You Down]

Originally Posted by Kimstu

I went to college with a guy who once "helped" me bake a cake. He read the ingredients list and saw that it called for "2 eggs, separated".

You know where this is going. Yes, he broke one egg into one bowl, and another egg into another bowl. Ta-da!! 2 eggs, separated.

He looked so proud, like your golden retriever when he's just presented you with half a dead squirrel.

I bake a fair amount..and if you just told me that you needed "two eggs, separated" I could see myself having done the same thing.

[Robot Arm]

Originally Posted by Biggirl

Didja know that if you put a can of beans in a saucepan, the can'll eventually spray pork and beans all over the kitchen?

I can't decide whether to laugh at this or be thankful that no one was hurt. Did the can just spring a leak, or fail catastrophically?

[Malacandra]

Originally Posted by cwthree

Now, let's cut golden retriever boy some slack. When a recipe says something like "2 tablespoons sugar, divided" it means that's the total amount required and you'll have to split it as you work the recipe. Perhaps he equated "separated" with "divided."

Of course, we still tell the story of a relative who called home from college to ask, "When you make macaroni and cheese, do you have to boil the macaroni first?"

Well, I often use cook-in pasta sauces where you don't cook the pasta first. But you add a bunch of extra water to the sauce, and cooking time's about 45 minutes all told.

[Biggirl]

Originally Posted by Robot Arm

I can't decide whether to laugh at this or be thankful that no one was hurt. Did the can just spring a leak, or fail catastrophically?

Don't know for sure, we weren't in the room when the mess was made. But if you thought my friend was foulmouthed when he asked her to make the beans, you should of heard her when he told her to clean it up!

[Candyman74]

Question (from an Englishman): What's an English pea?

[Dag Otto]

It's Paula Deen, so an English pea is probably pure sugar.

[MsWhatsit]

My guess is that she meant marrowfat peas.

[Baboonanza]

Originally Posted by Candyman74

Question (from an Englishman): What's an English pea?

Answer (from an Englishman): a pea.

(ok, a garden pea but that's not such a good answer)

[Rachellelogram]

It goes over better at parties than her English Pee recipe.

[jerseymule]

Originally Posted by Baboonanza

Answer (from an Englishman): a pea.

(ok, a garden pea but that's not such a good answer)

In the USA, Southerners call them "English" peas to distinguish them from "black-eyed" peas, which are much more common in southern cooking.
(I used to live in Memphis, Tennessee.)

[Kimballkid]

They could just call them green peas.

[TruCelt]

Yeah, green peas woudl be normal here in Virginia.

[salinqmind]

No amount of butter will help canned peas, English, marrowfat, garden,or green.

[Saint Cad]

Why don't we just link to Food Network Humor

[Little Nemo]

Originally Posted by MsWhatsit

My brother-in-law was visiting once. He wanted to know if he could do anything to help out at lunchtime. I said, sure, why don't you make up a box of mac & cheese for the kids?

About 15 minutes later he said, "Wait, was I supposed to drain this?"

Yeah, he'd boiled the macaroni, and then without draining the water he'd added the cheese powder, milk, and butter. It was...unctuous.

My brother-in-law was about 35 years old at the time, FTR.

This takes me back to when I was working and I use to cook for people. I had to make one important rule: "Don't try to help."

I could give several examples but the one this post brought to mind was the guy who tried to help by adding the noodles to the pot. Yes, I was going to serve it with noodles. But I was going to cook the noodles in water not in the marinade. And while the noodles were cooking, I was going to reduce some of the marinade down to a sauce. And then add the sauce to the noodles after draining the water. But thanks to the unsolicited "help" I received I ended up with soup instead. And not very good soup.

[aruvqan]

Originally Posted by Little Nemo

This takes me back to when I was working and I use to cook for people. I had to make one important rule: "Don't try to help."

I could give several examples but the one this post brought to mind was the guy who tried to help by adding the noodles to the pot. Yes, I was going to serve it with noodles. But I was going to cook the noodles in water not in the marinade. And while the noodles were cooking, I was going to reduce some of the marinade down to a sauce. And then add the sauce to the noodles after draining the water. But thanks to the unsolicited "help" I received I ended up with soup instead. And not very good soup.

If I am having guests, instead of going by memory I will print out a dinner package - all the recipes formatted as a list of what to do to what and when, and if someone wants to help, I will give them tasks to do in single steps [wash this pot, fill it with 3 measured quarts of water using this measuring cup, put it on that burner at this temp setting and put this lid on the pot.] I rarely will let someone just wander into the kitchen and grab something to do. I do actually have a number of friends who will come over and grab their own task off the list because they actually can cook, and know my kitchen and habits. It is *fun* cooking with people who know what they are doing and are comfortable in your kitchen.

[Oly]

Y'all. Phonining it it in, y'all. English peas, y'all. Check, y'all.

[SeaDragonTattoo]

Ha! How did I miss this when it was new? Speaking of canned peas - I was watching an episode of one of the Hoarders shows, don't remember if it was TLC's or A&E's. Anyway this girl made "dinner" for herself and her mom. It was: Hot pasta added to bowl. Large gobs of Miracle Whip added to hot pasta. Add can of peas. Mix and eat.

It looked to me like something Paula would put in her cook book.

[amarinth]

Originally Posted by Jenaroph

I'm disappointed. I was expecting at least some bacon.

Recipe here courtesy of Rachael Ray.

[WhyNot]

Originally Posted by SeaDragonTattoo

Ha! How did I miss this when it was new? Speaking of canned peas - I was watching an episode of one of the Hoarders shows, don't remember if it was TLC's or A&E's. Anyway this girl made "dinner" for herself and her mom. It was: Hot pasta added to bowl. Large gobs of Miracle Whip added to hot pasta. Add can of peas. Mix and eat.

It looked to me like something Paula would put in her cook book.

Gods help me, that actually doesn't sound bad...

...Oh, I'd use frozen peas, of course. I'm not a total savage.

[Ferret Herder]

Originally Posted by WhyNot

Gods help me, that actually doesn't sound bad...

...Oh, I'd use frozen peas, of course. I'm not a total savage.

Sounds like a hot version of half the cold "pasta salads" out there.

Still... all that hot mayo? Ew.

[Ellen Cherry]

One of the last straws in letting my Southern Living subscription go several years ago was a recipe for berries and yogurt. Yes, they actually printed a recipe for cutting up strawberries and topping them with a dollop of yogurt mixed with honey. If they want to suggest that as a side dish, fine, but come on. A recipe? I couldn't believe how far they'd dumbed down that magazine. I'd had a subscription since college, too.

[Rick]

Originally Posted by amarinth

Recipe here courtesy of Rachael Ray.

Well it does take 30 minutes or less.

[Scarlett67]

Originally Posted by SeaDragonTattoo

Ha! How did I miss this when it was new? Speaking of canned peas - I was watching an episode of one of the Hoarders shows, don't remember if it was TLC's or A&E's. Anyway this girl made "dinner" for herself and her mom. It was: Hot pasta added to bowl. Large gobs of Miracle Whip added to hot pasta. Add can of peas. Mix and eat.

It looked to me like something Paula would put in her cook book.

Eh, that's nothing:

Simply Sara: Wanda's Macaroni Salad