have you ever watched parenting fail and had to bite your tongue?

[aruvqan]

Originally Posted by Agent Foxtrot

I have to bite my tongue every time my best friend and his fiancée bring their toddler over.

They bring no toys for her, never read to her, and when she starts curiously poking around my house, she gets yelled at (literally, "NO!" in the same tone someone uses with a dog who's chewing the furniture). They park her in front of the TV with brain cell-killing shows in an effort to keep her preoccupied. They ask me if I have anything to drink for her, and I offer skim milk. They decline, saying, "She doesn't like skim milk." (No, motherfucker, YOU don't like skim milk. You've never let HER try it!) Instead they opt for sugary 15% juice.

My GF and I have had several discussions about this. This child is going to turn into an over-sugared, either hyperactive or obese teenager with absolutely no curiosity about the world since she's punished every time she displays curiosity. She's going to end up pregnant at 16 and devoid of ambition and we're helpless to do anything, since telling our friends they're horrible parents will effectively end the friendship.

Why not get a couple coloring books/puzzles/kid amusement items to keep on hand, and offer chocolate milk [a little chocolate milk making powder in skim milk] you do not have to *say* it is skim milk ... and maybe buy some kid friendly healthy snacks to give the little anklebiter. You can take everything out of packages and bring it out to them on a cute little plate and in a cute little cup . You can get prepackaged kiddy sippy cups and matching plates with cartoony character crap on it at a dollar store. If they don't see the 'healthy' wrapping they can't whinge about bratlet not liking it. Every kid likes chocolate milk!

[MsWhatsit]

Originally Posted by Crafter_Man

Wait, it gets better. The next day, the 16 y.o. son told his mother that he wished the autograph on his back was permanent. So he and his mother went to a tattoo artist within the next hour, and the artist trace over the autograph. Here is the result. His mother thinks it's awesome.

This really puts "I know someone who doesn't let the kids climb the wrong way up the slide" into perspective.

[TriPolar]

It drives me a little crazy. But that's because I would have got one upside the head if I misbehaved in public, so initially I feel the negative aspects of my childhood. After a moment, as I think about it, I realize these parents may not know how to deal with it, and I'm glad they're not resorting to the approach my parents took. Kids are just kids. Some parents should do a better job of preparing their kids and themselves ahead of time, and sometimes no matter what you do, you'll end up with a kid causing a fuss at the wrong time and place. No parent will win every battle. Actually, after a while, you start losing every battle, so you might as well get used to losing them while you're young.

[GreenTreeFrog]

Originally Posted by Soylent Juicy

Standing at the bus stop with my friend and her 3-year-old daughter, many years ago. I gave the kid some candy.

Kid: "What should I do with the wrapper?"
Friend: "Just throw it on the ground like everybody else does." (bus stop was filthy with litter.)
Me:

(I took the wrapper and put it in my pocket. Seriously, who the fuck teaches their child that it's okay to litter?)

Wow.... Lol.

[GreenTreeFrog]

Another entry from the sister in law chronicles....

Her dad wants to buy her eldest (4) a motorbike.... He can't even ride a push bike without training wheels yet. I suggested that if they really want to give him the motorbike they could get him to pick out at least 50% of his toys to go to charity.... You don't get something for nothing?

I'm sure he will get the motorbike, even if he is naughty.

I hate it when people say "let kids be kids". What do kids do...? They explore, they learn.... Kids learn. So how can helping that learning along not be letting them be kids? Ie: reading to them, talking to them normally, explaining things, teaching things.

Sister in law severely underestimates how smart her kids are.... She treats them like babies.

[MsRobyn]

Originally Posted by Chessic Sense

As a former daycare teacher, when I think of bad parents, I think of unbathed kids, bruised kids, berated kids, and the kids without lunches. I don't have kids yet, but I know how hard parenting is, so when I see a mom frustratedly issuing empty threats or not telling her kid to calm down, I try to cut them a little slack. At least they're feeding their child.

Yup.

There was a boy in the sprog's class last year whose parents were dirt-poor but too proud to accept help. It didn't help that Dad was a rabid teabagger who wasn't about to take money from "that damn socialist" because he didn't want his taxes to go to freeloaders. Or so his T-shirt claimed. The mother was pretty mousy and didn't say much of anything. (I met them when they were in the office for a meeting with the principal and counselor.)

The only reason the school found out about this was that some of the kids in the class were sharing their lunches and snacks with the boy, and at least one of the kids (including the sprog) had asked for extra food to share. The office was notified, and I'm not sure what happened after that. The rumor mill had it that the parents were offered applications for the free lunch program and some other social services programs, turned them down cold, and the principal threatened to call Children and Youth Services. Basically, it was "Get your kids some food, or else."

I can't believe that any parent would let their kids starve because of politics. It just goes against basic decency.

[flodnak]

Kid was tired and didn't want to pose for a family photo - not at a photo studio or anything where there's a time constraint, just a photo at a holiday get-together. Kid started crying. Assorted relatives suggest letting the little guy have a nap or a cold drink and trying for the photo afterwards.

Dad took the kid aside and spanked him for crying. Needless to say, the kid didn't stop crying.

And incidentally, the photo never did get taken.

Another one, from when I worked at a daycare: We had a little boy there, "M", who still haunts me. "M" was big for his age, but he was lagging significantly in language and social skills. His parents were both working full-time-plus, so "M" was often the first kid to arrive and nearly always the last to leave. When the other kids had left, "M" would cling to the last adult to leave. During these times I would often sit with him in my lap and sing to him or read him books - if you had seen him in the middle of the day, you would not have believed that he could sit still for book after book. We tried to address his parents about these things, but they were always "too busy". Did I mention they were expecting another child in the middle of all of this?

The memory that haunts me the most is from one of the days I closed up. The new baby had been born, so "M"'s mother was home. During this time "M" was dropped off by his father and picked up by his grandmother most days. This day, I was told, "M" had been promised that his mother and his new little brother would pick him up. But things dragged on and on, and "M" was the last one left again. We sat on the floor and played with Lego until... his grandmother walked in to pick him up. "M" threw himself on the floor and cried and cried. Grandma had to carry him to the car.

My story about him ends when his parents put him in another daycare - their stated reason was that the other one was open longer hours

[Dung Beetle]

My stepchildren got tattoos at the age of 16 with their mother’s approval.

The boy’s is based on his own artwork; it’s meant to be a ninja ripping its way out of his spine, and represents his anger. Looks like an irritable Keebler elf.

The girl’s is a design on her lower back (as I’m sure you guessed). She got her boyfriend’s name, only she wasn’t sure they’d stay together, so opted for numbers representing the letters of his name. Looks like a locker combination. And did they stay together?

SPOILER:

No.

[Anaamika]

Lots of times, but when I was around 10 or 11, my uncle came over from India with his family. They had a son that was about 6 or 7 who was spoiled rotten. I ended up having to watch the kid a lot. I saw him smack his mom right in the mouth and his mom just sat there and cried, while he ran in circles, whooping and hollering. Many many times I saw his dad want to yell at him or spank him but mom would protest, saying he was "beaten black and blue" from all the (non-existent) spankings.

One day we were in the back of the station wagon driving somewhere. I had on a brand new salwar-kameez; silk. Me and the kid got in a fight and he spat on my clothes. Well, i was only 10! I hauled back and smacked him across the face as hard as I could. Gave him a bloody nose. His mom hauled him over the seat, and from then on he stayed away from me and wouldn't mess with me anymore.

I still wonder - that kid must have grown up to be quite the hellion.

[pbbth]

I took my daughter to the doctor a few weeks ago for her vaccinations and there was a family in the waiting room that made me very sad. There was a mother, an aunt, and six kids of various ages from about 4-13. The kids were insane, screaming and running around into various rooms where people were being treated by doctors. Every 10 minutes or so a nurse would usher another kid back to the waiting room from wherever she found them. The mother was being seen by a doctor so the aunt was trying to corral the kids by giving them Capri Sun and smacking them. The kids got hit by their aunt and each other so often it was obvious that hitting was just their way of life. At one point the mom walked out into the waiting room and screamed that if the kids weren't quiet until she was finished she was going to "pop them one" and then went back to the doctor's exam room.

I just rolled my eyes. What a threat, getting hit 15 times instead of 14 times this hour! I'd be shaking in my boots, I would!

[Springtime for Spacers]

Just clueless: Smiling mum and kid come into the shop where I'm working "you can have any cake you want" Kid chooses a jam doughnut only for clueless mother to say "No! you can't have that, it's too messy." Of course the kid has a tantrum and they leave empty handed. Why on earth didn't she say "you can have one of those but only if you wait 'til we're home to eat it."

Second is much worse and was reported to me by a friend, Julie. Julie's kid was being praised by another mother for how well he was talking at just two years old. "Mine's two and a half and can't say a word" she informed Julie. It soon became obvious why, every time the poor mite opened her mouth she was yelled at to be quiet and otherwise she was ignored.

[SticksAndString]

flodnak--your story makes me sad. I'm forced to wonder if M didn't have some sort of a disability. What makes me even sadder is that if he did and his parents couldn't accept it, they were using the daycare to dump him off so they didn't have to look at/deal with/think about him and his issues. Baby #2 was probably an attempt (sad as it is) for a "perfect" child.

I understand if it's hard to accept that your kid has a disability at first..I've been there. And it hurts like hell. But eventually you're supposed to get over it and go "What can I do to make his/her life better? How can I help them fit in? How can I make it easier for them to interact and make friends with their peers?".

[SticksAndString]

Originally Posted by MLS

Another was an incident my daughter and I saw in an airport. It took us five minutes to pick our chins off the ground. Family consisted of a mom and a dad and a young boy child maybe about 8 years old. They were apparently waiting for grandma's plane, or some such thing. The child is up and down off the chairs, the windowsills, whatever. No control. Then he says he wants ice cream. No, say the parents, we don't have time before grandma's plane. "Oh, yes, you do, if you hurry!" responds the brat. "Go! Quickly, quickly quickly!!" And they did it.

You know what we would've said to Slim?
Me: Don't be a Mr. Demandypants. What happens to Mr. Demandypants?
Slim: He doesn't get anything.

There are times when we give into his demands (he's in the bathroom with no toilet paper) but most of the time we don't because we don't want him to be a spoiled little brat who thinks if he just demands something, he's going to get it. Yes, he's a singleton (no siblings) but that doesn't mean he gets his way all the time either.

[JohnT]

Originally Posted by Dung Beetle

The girl’s is a design on her lower back (as I’m sure you guessed).

The niece I mentioned above got a fake tramp-stamp 2 days before Christmas... I think she was 8. Her parents expressed dismay and anger, but:

1. Didn't make her remove it,
2. Didn't stop the kid from showing off her tramp stamp to all the guests at Christmas dinner

[Corcaigh]

Originally Posted by tdn

Mini golf. We had just finished, and were enjoying some ice cream near the batting cages. A kid of maybe 8 was trying his best to hit the balls, and missing every one. His father was behind him, basically calling him a wuss and a loser, apparently in an effort to "encourage" him. It was a nonstop stream of future therapy. We suddenly thought of a much better use for that baseball bat.

A cousin of mine witnessed a similar display (but not in a batting cage), she sarcastically started mimicking the dad/uncle/whomever he was. After a bit the man stopped yelling at the child and started encouraging him.

Not sure I'd have had the nerve, but my cousin is a big bruiser and you wouldn't want to spill her pint ...

Originally Posted by Agent Foxtrot

I have to bite my tongue every time my best friend and his fiancée bring their toddler over ... we're helpless to do anything, since telling our friends they're horrible parents will effectively end the friendship.

You're not really helpless to do anything, I'd a best friend who had a daughter, and my friend was a terrible mother, used to break my heart listening to her shouting at this tiny child for not behaving like an adult essentially. My friend's behaviour was driven by the fact that her husband had left her when she told him she was pregnant - she "forgot" to take her Pill, see, even though she knew he didn't want kids. Anyhoos, the child "looked just like that bastard", and apparently behaved just like him too. At six months old?!

There were multiple incidents where my friend was being a bitch to the poor kid and I'd step in and suggest an alternate way to deal with situation. Sure she got mad at me and would spout off "you don't have children, what would you know?!" and I'd remind her that I had been the child of a bad parent (whom my friend had met, and witnessed her behaviour) and that would silence my friend, until the next time she'd loose the rag at the kid.

Two house moves later, I've completely lost contact with that friend, but her daughter found me on Facebook and sent me a message telling me how much she'd missed me. She's nearly 30 now, and was about 5 or 6 last time I saw her.

Originally Posted by MLS

Then he says he wants ice cream. No, say the parents, we don't have time before grandma's plane. "Oh, yes, you do, if you hurry!" responds the brat. "Go! Quickly, quickly quickly!!" And they did it.

I know a kid like that. His parents each have a car, and at the weekend they go out somewhere - at the kid's insistence. He decides which car they're taking and who's driving (as well as where they are going), he yells if they take too long to get ready...

Originally Posted by overlyverbose

The worst I've seen is when a couple of former friends of mine used to bring their then-toddler son over to our house for dinner frequently. I think he was 18 months old the first time his mom yelled, "Say 'May I have a bite?!!' and slapped his hand very, very sharply when he reached for something on her plate. It was awful. Poor thing had no idea what had happened and was just learning to talk. She would yell at him in restaurants, too, when he was 3-ish and trying to touch her after his dinner. He wasn't leaving his seat, just leaning toward her for contact and she would yell, "GET OFF ME!!" very loudly regardless of where we were. I felt so bad for him. Then there's the added "benefit" of her bellowing in a restaurant.

Oh dear gawd, I knew a woman like that! She'd a son who was a lovely kid, sweet natured and always looking for hugs. Gawd help him if he tried to hug his mother - she'd slap him away from her - and not a little swat, a full on leave-a-mark slap. She used to yell her head off at him all the damn time. Unlike my above mentioned friend, you couldn't say anything to that woman. Those who did suggest she might not want to be slapping, or yelling at, he son were met with a fury the likes of which I never want to witness again...



I was in a supermarket recently, when from the next aisle over I heard a crash, then the sound of a small child frantically crying "Sorry daddy! Sorry daddy!!" That just made my heart bleed for the poor kid. They were gone before I could get around to that aisle, where I was intending to give the father a poisoned look...