Ask the (hopefully soon-to-be-former) Hoarder/Clutterer

[shantih]

choie, you so totally rock!! I'm so impressed with how much you've gotten accomplished in a short time. Hold onto the light and the space that you've let in, in your apartment and in your life! You absolutely deserve it.

And yeah, sorry, but my opinion of you after seeing pix 3 and 4 has changed precisely not one iota. Why would it? Honestly, they weren't as bad as I could have imagined, and even if they had been, so what? Who really cares? The important part is that you changed it, and check out how awesome the after pix are!

What you just did is a BIG DEAL, and way not easy, but you DID IT. YOU did. You pushed through the shame, you faced your demon head-on, you said 'No more,' and you DID IT.

You are my new hero!

[Nava]

Originally Posted by choie

2. The Kitchen

Congratulations on having a kitchen again!

I recently did a lot of work in my house, including changing the kitchen, and man, not having a kitchen sucks.

[Tapiotar]

Congratulations, choie! It's too bad that Sol got pulled away -- it probably was an emergency crime scene clean-up -- but the extra space and light and cleaner air are wonderful. I'll repeat what someone else said -- your "before" pictures were not as bad as I was anticipating.

(I did once spend the night with a friend who is much, much worse. Two houses full of treasure, junk, and trash, all mixed together, with only very narrow pathways to thread through. Ktchen counters piled high with trash, dirty dishes overflowing the sink and neighboring spaces, floor sticky, stink everywhere. I was tempted to sneak out in the night, but it would have been too rude, because the person is a sweet, dear person. Instead, I washed a batch of dishes and cleaned the kitchen floor. No one noticed, but I felt a little better.)

And I agree, it is sweet that you empathize so much. But let me say again, imagine that you set Oliver's spirit free, free to go on to something else, and that he thanks you for it.

Again, thank you for sharing your process. I wish you great success in your ongoing efforts to keep your space, and have a home and not a prison.

Oh, and chin scritchies to your cats, too.

[Broomstick]

Originally Posted by MsWhatsit

Normal people can save aluminum so that they can take it in to be recycled at some point and make some money. Hoarders cannot. Because what will happen is that that trip to the recycler will get put off and put off again and meanwhile that pile of cans gets bigger and bigger, and you don't have anywhere to put some of your other stuff, so you toss it over by the pile of cans because that's a disorganized area anyway, and then one day you think "I should get those to the recycler" but now it's this huge annoying job because there's a bunch of other crap mixed in with the aluminum, and oh look, the county just showed up to evict me from my junk house.

Actually, this borderline hoarder saves aluminum and scrap iron to take the recycler and I actually do it once a month without fail. However, I agree that it should not be encouraged in other cases.

For me, the recycle center makes it easier for me to throw out metal junk - instead of trying to fix a garden trowel or broken wheelbarrow I can recycle it, which somehow in my mind makes it easier to throw out. I also, as noted, go every month whether I have a little or a lot. It's as regular as paying the rent or the utilities. It also made it easier for me to throw out a busted air conditioner rather than keep it to fix it, and so on. I also have a pickup truck so loading up the junk is easy for me. Getting money for it is very much a positive reinforcement and encourages me to throw out recycle more stuff.

What's bad for me is that in my area the local government does NOT provide trash pickup. We have to PAY to get any trash removed, and anything over a certain amount a month is more money still. In other words, my current situation discourages throwing stuff out which is not a good thing. The local recycling center, because it pays me for my junk, encourages tossing stuff.

Granted, that's not the norm in many places, but I just wanted to point out that one size does not fit all. In my case, recycling has resulted in more junk be thrown out, not more junk accumulated. In others, yes, it's a bad idea.

Just don't like the idea of blanket one-size-fits-all rules. Since a major part of overcoming clutter/hoarding is working with the individual to come up with solutions they will actually follow there has to be some looking at individual situations.

[Broomstick]

Originally Posted by choie

I can't tell you how much it's meant to me to read your own stories (those who have dealt with this issue, either on your own or via loved ones) and to know that I had a group of warm, friendly folks out there who were actually rooting for me instead of being grossed out. Then again, that was before you'd seen pictures #3 and #4.

Oh, please - yes, you had a problem. It was terribly cluttered. As I said, though, I've seen worse. MUCH worse. And you've acknowledged the problem and sought help.

Funny thing is, although at one point my front room filled up to a depth of five feet, and I mean SOLID, there were NO paths or trails through it (in other words, WORSE than your apartment), my kitchen never got into that state. Somehow, I could keep the stove and counters clean. Go figger.

As I've said several times it's totally OK you got emotional. I'd venture to say it's a normal reaction to the de-cluttering process for those of us with these issues. This is a big change and big disruption in your life. Again, you noted the problem and sought help. You know that means? You're going to be OK. You're going to control this problem. Oh, sure, you'll have some occasional backsliding, you might find a need to get help (a service or your sister or a friend) to keep up with it. You'll need to develop strategies and habits, but hon, you've gotten over the biggest two obstacles: 1) admitting you have a problem and 2) doing something about it.

Congratulations on the first day of a cleaner, less cluttered rest of your life!

[Becky2844]

Fantastic job, choie! It looks great. I know you're looking forward to new paint, clean floors and more shelving. Now you can have people over without worry and you have a place of comfort instead of concern. I'm very happy for you.

Enjoy your weekend!

[Brynda]

What a great thread. I am doing therapy with a borderline hoarder, and I will have to ask her about some of the insights you have written about.

Congratulations on having tackled such a hard situation! We should all have such courage and grace.

[Zsofia]

I do think you need to complain to the service and get your last half-day back. I mean, you paid for it, right? And there's stuff like final cleanup that you were really counting on.

[Nawth Chucka]

Originally Posted by Zsofia

I do think you need to complain to the service and get your last half-day back. I mean, you paid for it, right? And there's stuff like final cleanup that you were really counting on.

I concur; it sounds like you paid for time not a project.

[StGermain]

choie - Think of it good in a way that Sol left you before the job is done. It's like he took you by the hand for 4 and a half days and then said (think of Sol as Leonardo DiCaprio in Titanic), "Kate, you go on without me. Do whatever you have to to survive. You'll live, Kate.". Kate probably wouldn't have had such an exciting life if she and Leo were immediately picked up by lifeboats. They'd've toodled off to the Carpathia and settled down somewhere. Kate had to learn to live in her own, and you'll have to learn how to manage your place on your own.

You've done a great job and I'm thrilled you have your life (and your apartment) back. What do the cats think of the place?

StG

[FloatyGimpy]

I just wanted to add a small cleaning tip I've recently started doing. When I dry my hair in the morning, I turn the dryer towards the counter and give it a blow. It gets rid of stray hairs or dust and makes it easier for washing later. I also turn the dryer on the toilet tank for the same reason.

[Nawth Chucka]

Originally Posted by FloatyGimpy

I just wanted to add a small cleaning tip I've recently started doing. When I dry my hair in the morning, I turn the dryer towards the counter and give it a blow. It gets rid of stray hairs or dust and makes it easier for washing later. I also turn the dryer on the toilet tank for the same reason.

My ex-husband used to do this, since floors were my responsibility and not his so it didn't bug him that all the hair and dust wound up there.

[FloatyGimpy]

Originally Posted by Nawth Chucka

My ex-husband used to do this, since floors were my responsibility and not his so it didn't bug him that all the hair and dust wound up there.

It's just me here so I do it all. I find vacuuming up the hairs and stuff off the floor is just so much easier than trying to wipe it up off the counters.

[alice_in_wonderland]

Originally Posted by Zsofia

I do think you need to complain to the service and get your last half-day back. I mean, you paid for it, right? And there's stuff like final cleanup that you were really counting on.

This was my thought too - Sol should really come back and finish the job - you did pay for it, after all.

Anyway - good for you - the before and after shots are quite amazing, but I'm with everyone else - based on your description your 'before' shots aren't nearly as gross as I was expecting.

Enjoy your new clean space!

[choie]

I know I'm forever saying thank you to everyone, but I hope you can stand another bunch of thanks. You guys are so awesome. I'm grateful to everyone, but if I may I'll send an extra dollop of gratitude to shantih, because your words were particularly touching and kind, and moved me to tears. (Admittedly, as you can tell from my posts, I'm not exactly a tough person to make cry.)

But you're all so kind and way too generous about the 'before' pics. Either that or you've become immune to mid-sized landfills after watching too many eps of Hoarders where people need a machete to chop their way through eight-feet-high piles of trash. Or, third option: the pics weren't clear enough to show just how barely navigable my place was, not to mention the stained floors and rotting food in the garbage bags and fridge and dust, so much dust, everywhere. I live on the approach to the Queensborough Bridge (aka the 59th Street Bridge, or as we're now calling it the "Ed Koch Queensboro Bridge," ugh. Then again, it's loud and obnoxious, so maybe it's a good match!). The traffic leaving the city creates so much soot and grime that even nine floors up coats everything with a fine black powder unless you dust assiduously.

(I have never dusted assiduously.)

So yeah, it was awful and grimy and stinky, and just a horrible place that, I know I said this before but it is so true it bears repeating, was a total reflection of how I feel about myself, and how I deserve to live: like trash. Disposable, abandoned, broken, worthless trash. Every day I'd look at this shithole and think: This is all you're entitled to; this is what you are.

Letting Sol in -- letting you guys in, virtually speaking -- was a surprising and wholly uncharacteristic act of boldness for someone who's spent 45 years in fear of one thing or another, but especially fear of letting people see the real, highly flawed me. I wouldn't have been able to do it if I hadn't been fortunate in my immensely supportive sister and future brother-in-law, my choice of cleaning companies, their choice of a cleaning guy, and in the SDMB's userbase that is, thankfully, quite supportive and compassionate, for all the snark and wiseassishness, if I may coin a phrase. Oh, and also incredibly fortunate to have found a therapist whose gentle guidance and understanding gave me encouragement to move forward with this. (Ooh, note to self: upload pics to Kindle so I can show my shrink the before/after shots.)

Anyway, the biggest difference is being able to see the floor again, and I keep looking over from my bed to the window area, and seeing space, and the light from the office building across from me, which is lit 24/7 much to my usual annoyance, shines through the blinds onto the floor and I can pretend it's moonlight beaming in. Seeing all this air is like having been trapped in a closet for years and suddenly the door opens and your world expands.

On a more prosaic note, you guys are right that I should be in touch with the cleaning service. I think I missed out on about 3 - 3.5 hours or so (don't remember exactly when Sol left) and that's certainly enough time for him to tackle either the second closet or finish the kitchen. As long as I'm being brave and all, I should at least stick up for that... uh oh, let's see if my rudimentary math skills are in order... $1200 / 5 days = $240 per day, divided by 7 (i.e. the number of hours they said I'd be getting, 10 - 5pm), so that's, um, $34ish per hour, so for those lost 3 hours, let's call it $100 or so, right? That's 1/12th of the whole fee, so yeah, I should at least mention it. I certainly don't want to imply that Sol was inefficient or anything -- wasn't his fault his supervisor pulled him off my job and thus left things in a less-than-finished state. (You should've seen the review I gave him. Nominations for Nobel Prizes couldn't be half so effusive!)

Anyway. As I said, the best part of this whole experience was discovering that I could open up my fortress and, to quote Sting, set the barricades on fire. But no, actually that's not entirely true. Tied for "best part" would be the idea that I could encourage someone else to do the same for themselves. The notion that I could have a positive impact on anyone is... well... revelatory.

I've written too much already. I'll just end with my warmest, humblest thanks to all of you. Quite simply, y'all rock. You rock hard.

[Zsofia]

Ha, you let the sun (Sol) in? If I read that in a book I'd have rolled my eyes at how obvious the symbolism was.

[Tess Trueheart]

Great job, choie! You did a great thing. One more voice chiming in to say
1) the before wasn't what I expected, and even if it had been, who cares?
2) you did the hardest parts already, successfully, and you should be proud,
and yes,
3) be sure to call the service.
I hate phone calls myself, but you did pay for that time. It isn't Sol's fault, sure, but calling and asking isn't going to hurt him. He'll probably be happy to finish up and you can thank him all over again!

[choie]

Originally Posted by Zsofia

Ha, you let the sun (Sol) in? If I read that in a book I'd have rolled my eyes at how obvious the symbolism was.

I know, right? I swear to God I didn't intend that when I thought of the name! I was just searching my brain for a good alias (which I wouldn't have needed if I wasn't identifying the company) and for some reason "Sol" seemed like a nice, down-to-earth name for a cleaning guy.

Originally Posted by Tess Trueheart

Great job, choie! You did a great thing. One more voice chiming in to say
1) the before wasn't what I expected, and even if it had been, who cares?
2) you did the hardest parts already, successfully, and you should be proud,
and yes,
3) be sure to call the service.
I hate phone calls myself, but you did pay for that time. It isn't Sol's fault, sure, but calling and asking isn't going to hurt him. He'll probably be happy to finish up and you can thank him all over again!

Thank you so much. And you're definitely right. I ended up finishing the under-bed part on my own, and that required moving the top mattress (along with the "memory foam" topper and its separate, water/stainproof quilted cover), the box spring, and the frame that had been sort of broken during Sol's cleaning/moving the bed around. (Well, not really broken; the screws had just fallen out.) Then there was throwing out the remaining junk beneath the bed, sweeping, replacing/fixing the frame, putting back the box spring, taking everything off the bare mattress and re-assembling the whole deal again, plus sheets and duvet. Let me tell you, those memory-foam toppers are awesome to sleep on but holy crap are they heavy!

So... yeah, that was a lot of work that Sol could probably have done in about 20 minutes, while it took me 90.

I'll let you know how I fare when I call tomorrow. Confrontation's not exactly my strong suit -- except in SDMB Mafia games, apparently. (Waves to Mosier.) But I think this is a reasonable enough request.

[StarvingButStrong]

I don't know how old you are, or if you have any strength/mobility problems, but something you might consider on going is to schedule for a once or twice a year professional cleaning. Not to declutter, but to do the things like pull your refrigerator forward to clean behind and dust the coils. Maybe to wax floors, or shampoo rugs, or wash windows, or clean your oven or whatever 'heavy duty cleaning' tasks you can't or won't want to tackle.

Then your cleaning chores will be only the relatively lightweight stuff you can knock off in just a few minutes a day: wipe down sink and countertops, dust, vacuum now and then. Maintenance stuff is always much easier than the deep cleaning things.

[Maastricht]

Choie,
Another thing you might want to treat yourself to, if you don't already have it, is an automated litter box. With three indoor cats in a small apartment and little energy due to your depression, it probably is a very good investment. Here's a Dope thread discussing the various types. .

[sandra_nz]

Loving the before and after photos!

Originally Posted by choie

I'll let you know how I fare when I call tomorrow. Confrontation's not exactly my strong suit -- except in SDMB Mafia games, apparently. (Waves to Mosier.) But I think this is a reasonable enough request.

Mate, it's not even a request. All you need to do is call to reschedule the remaining time. You have a contract for a certain length of time, it hasn't been fulfilled yet.

[choie]

Thanks for the tip, Maastricht! That roll litter box seems really interesting, though I'm dubious that Mina, my biggest cat, would fit through even the larger version's opening. She has a very odd pear shape ... assuming the pear is the size of a pumpkin... and her belly is what her vet called "a tight little drum" -- in other words, not mushy like normal fatcats, but relatively inflexible. Her kids would have no problem getting in or out, but Mina, bless her heart... I can only imagine a situation similar to Winnie the Pooh getting stuck in Rabbit's hole. (And why can I not write that without it sounding incredibly dirty?)

sandra nz, you're right, I know that. And I just called the company and the receptionist said she'd talk to the super and try to reschedule.

I'm a little worried, though, because no matter how many times I emphasized that it was the supervisor who called Sol off the job, the receptionist seemed to infer from my comments that I was blaming Sol for leaving early, as if he'd done so on a whim. Hopefully the supervisor and the records will make the facts clear, because the very last thing I'd want to do is have Sol think I'm accusing him of slacking off early.

Speaking of him, he actually called me yesterday to make sure that my maintenance guys brought my chair down to the trash as promised. How amazingly thoughtful is that?

(For some reason Sol and my maintenance guys/super seemed to have some trust issues regarding each other. There was definitely some weird rivalry or mildly proprietary antagonism going on -- I can't think why, it's not as if Sol was doing anything the guys would normally have done, except maybe fix my table. Maybe it's just a male territorial war sorta thing. )

[choie]

Sorry to double-post, but I just wanted to report another small victory in the emancipation of choie, or at least my growing some ovaries.

Remember the whole sofa / chaise lounge deal? I'd actually forgotten all about it, but about an hour ago the maintenance guys came by to let me know they'd be bringing the sofa down to me. I said, "just the sofa, right? Not the other piece?" They said yes and then proceeded to bring down the chaise lounge before heading upstairs to get the sofa.

Now, just in case I haven't made it absolutely clear in the past 100+ posts, I am a big fat wimp. I looked at that lounge, and again, it looked very comfy and if I had a two-room apartment I wouldn't have had the slightest hesitation in taking both. But I no longer wanted the lounge. However, the guys had just spent muscle and effort getting this stupid thing in my apartment, and that meant I was stuck with it, because I just couldn't imagine telling them to shlep it out again. So I was sitting all angry with myself and trying to think of how to get rid of this lounge or where I could put it that wouldn't annoy the hell out of me, or if I could sell it, or whatever.

Then the guys came with the sofa, which looked really nice, and they put it together and were about to hook up the chaise lounge to it (apparently it's sort of a sectional set-up, although it doesn't have to be) when I just blurted, "guys, I am so sorry, but there's been a miscommunication. I didn't intend to take both the sofa and the lounge together -- I just don't think there's room. Would you be furious if I asked you to take the lounge back upstairs? I'm so sorry..." and so on.

One of the guys tried to make a case for keeping the lounge, saying it could be put anywhere, but the other one just said no problem, whatever I want is fine. Basically I apologized every five seconds as they hauled that lounge back out the door.

I know this is still ridiculous and wussy, and I didn't need to beg for forgiveness or anything, but damn it, at least I said it, rather than accepting the furniture and just ending up resenting myself and being pissed off at my own inability to speak my mind. It's very easy to turn anger against myself.

And now the chaise is gone and I'm left with a nice, looks-as-good-as-new, FREE little loveseat that is soft and very unobtrusive, probably because it's not that far removed from the color of the floor, a sort of a sand brown. The place looks homier already. Of course already my cat Therblig has decided it's his, but fortunately his fur matches the sofa perfectly, which is always a plus. (But I'll use my dustbuster to make sure it doesn't get furry. The trick will be keeping the cats from scratching it, but I'll just have to keep their nails short.)

Anyway, just wanted to brag about the amazing feat of asking for what I want -- twice in one day! I can't remember the last time that happened.

[FloatyGimpy]

Originally Posted by choie

I know this is still ridiculous and wussy

No way. That's a huge freaking deal. Seriously, speaking up (even when you know the other person might not be happy to move furniture back upstairs) is a giant step.

Especially around this board where you hear "oh just grow a pair and speak up" all the time, it's just not reality for a great many people who would rather suffer silently than speak up.

You did a very good job!

[sandra_nz]

This board needs more threads like this. Choie, you are totally made of win.

[shantih]

+100! (And choie, your very gracious words made *me* get all misty, which made the dog cock an eye in my direction to see if he'd done anything wrong, and then he successfully begged for a treat, so you've made at least two other creatures quite happy today, so go you!)

Speaking up clearly for what you want instead of just going with it and wallowing in doubt and self-loathing afterwards? Somebody grab a bucket of water, because this girl is on FIRE! We need a salaaming smiley, stat!

And inspired by all this new-brooming, I spent part of the morning clearing up the mess on top of, inside, and on all sides of my nightstand. Now it's all crisp and organized! And the 18 books that make up my reading pile (oy) are nicely stacked in the open area in it, and there's nothing at all on the floor around it! I do still have to figure out what to do with some of the things that had been tossed on it over the years, but I'm going to do that tomorrow morning as soon as I get the house to myself, and I think it's not going to take more than 15 minutes tops. Only one thing that I'm still hesitating over: I found some of my kids' teeth in a little dish on the nightstand, and now I'm at a bit of a loss. It's okay to throw them out, right? Because anything else would be completely gross, and why didn't the tooth fairy just drop them into the trash one at a time years ago, yeah?

[Hedda Rosa]

choie you are amazing. I've been lurking this thread all along with you and enjoying every moment of it.

First of all you are an amazing and vivid writer, so kudos to you about that. Your home may have been a mess but the words you produce are crisp, bright, and clear. And now your home matches that!

Also, congrats on standing up for yourself - twice in one day. That is a Big Deal (tm) in anyone's life much less someone who is on uncertain ground when that happens.

Thinking about how many people get inspired in these cleaning threads, anyone interested in a "Daily Sweep" type of thread where we can all check in about our house care and cleaning stuff, big or small? Accountability moves mountains...... (or maybe this is already happening and I just have missed it).

Anyway choie, thank you for opening up your experience to us - I think we've all gotten nearly as much out of it as you have.

[grayhairedmomma]

Originally Posted by shantih

Only one thing that I'm still hesitating over: I found some of my kids' teeth in a little dish on the nightstand, and now I'm at a bit of a loss. It's okay to throw them out, right? Because anything else would be completely gross, and why didn't the tooth fairy just drop them into the trash one at a time years ago, yeah?

You're supposed to hold on to the teeth so that your kids can find them when they're getting ready to put you in a old folks home. Then, your kids will be overwhelmed with the knowledge of how much you loved them and at least put you in a home in the same state.

(The ToothFairy only throws out teeth that aren't taken care of - the good ones are cleaned and given to babies.)

choie, yay! I know how hard it is to ask someone to do more work when they're trying to do something nice for you. Good job for sticking up for your space!

[Cat Whisperer]

Good for you, choie. I've never been very interested in housecleaning, but I'll tell you what has been working for me - I had cleaned my house top to bottom for a Halloween party we were having, and I decided to try to keep it up after that. I figured out what things I thought should be cleaned every week, and I clean them every Friday (well, I've been cleaning them Saturday since I've been working). I decided that the floors need to be swept, the throw rugs need to be vacuumed (we have two cats, too), the bathrooms need to be cleaned, the kitchen needs to be cleaned, and the living room needs to be tidied. This all takes me about an hour - I can spend an hour each week cleaning, I figure. Once you make it a habit, it's just a thing you do.

[Morgyn]

choie, I've been following this thread with interest. You've done so well! I don't hoard, but I do clutter, and I'm hoping this thread will help me get the roundtuits I need to get rid of the empty boxes and things I've been meaning to get rid of for ... a long time now.

Meantime, I have to say, I love the name of your cat, and to recommend Soft Paws for the potential scratching problem. (Are you also a fan of Cheaper By the Dozen?)

[choie]

Oh God, you guys are just so amazing. I've been teary several times since reading today's posts. I don't even remember what I was expecting as a response last Sunday when I began the thread--well, probably I was expecting one or two replies and then it would die a sudden, unmourned death, which is usually how my threads go ... unless they involve Lord of the Rings . But seriously, I think I expected support from many and chastisement from a few. (We've all seen threads blow back in the OP's faces.) But this? The warmth, the encouragement, the reassurance, the empathy, the advice, the cheers, and the shared experiences from others who've been or who are currently in similar situations? No, I was not expecting that. Not to this degree. And I certainly wasn't expecting to be a positive influence to anyone, because it feels like a very long time since I've had anything positive to offer. Of all the gifts this week's given me, the idea that I do, maybe, after all, have something of value in my character, something that isn't equivalent to the trash I've been identifying with -- well, that's the biggest one of all. Even more than the clean apartment.

(Though the clean apartment is pretty frikkin' amazing by itself.)

The advice has been so helpful. I agree, Cat Whisperer, that an hour a week is very reasonable, and considering this is a studio with kitchen/bath, and I'm not really bringing new stuff into the place these days, there's no reason I can't put on a Beatles album and clean in the time it takes them to go from "Taxman" to "Tomorrow Never Knows." (Yes, Revolver's my favorite. I guess for longer cleaning sessions I might need to pull out the big guns of the White Album.)

Soft Paws are definitely worth a try, Morgyn -- and OMG I think you're the first person who immediately recognized the source of Therblig's name!

Putting this in spoilers only because not everyone cares about cat names:

SPOILER:

Several years back I was thinking about the Therblig system -- which, for those who don't know, was created by Frank Gilbreth, an early 19th century innovative expert in time and motion study. It breaks down tasks into miniscule sub-tasks in order to identify any wasted effort or time; the idea is to identify each step of the job you're doing and figure out how to make each of these tiny steps that most people don't even think about (like searching for a toothbrush with your eyes, locating the toothbrush, reaching for the brush, grasping it, doing the same for the toothpaste, loading the brush with toothpaste, lifting the brush to your mouth...) and making each of them easier, no matter how simple it may seem. If each step of these (for example) 17 steps is made more efficient, in the end you'll save a large amount of time by the end of the job.

Anyway, my therapist at the time had noticed that I'm easily overwhelmed by large goals or tasks (such as, um, a filthy apartment), so she suggested breaking these goals down into smaller ones. That's when I remembered Therbligs. At the time I was in a truly deep depression, even worse than now, and it was a struggle just to get out of bed and get dressed. So I thought: okay, what will make it easy, or more pleasant/inviting, to get out of bed? I didn't like my floor, so what if I got some comfortable, fuzzy slippers? It seems ridiculously unimportant but when you're that low, something that tiny makes a difference.

So I decided to use the word "therblig" to mean "the little things that make life bearable and easier, step by tiny step." When I adopted my cats in 2003, which was shortly after the death of my father, I looked at the little pale orange boy kitten and thought: This is Therblig. He, his mom and his sister will help get me through my grief and remind me that even just getting cats -- I hadn't had any since my previous cat (the source of my username) died in 2001 shortly before 9/11 -- is a step forward to making my life more bearable. Obviously those steps have been extraordinarily slow in coming, since here I am 9 years later, but hey, I never said I was a time and motion study expert!

So, um, yeah. That's the story of Therblig. Also, I think it's basically one of the cutest names for a cat ever.

[Zsofia]

Thinking about that "breaking goals down" thing - have you ever read Getting Things Done? It's a time management system (I know, that sounds AWFUL) but a large part of it is learning how to think in terms of "next actions". In other words, if your to-do list says "Clean out garage" on it, that's completely nonhelpful and you'll never do it. If you think "What is the next thing I need to do about the garage? Well, I can't really get in to clean until I call Frank about taking his motorcycle out of there..." then your next action is "Call Frank re: motorcycle". Once you do that, and you DO do that (that's what the rest of the system is about) then you say "What's my next action now? Oh, I need to get some shelves next." And so forth. You might really find it helpful.

Of course, I've read it several times and never stuck with it, but it IS a good system and I do use parts of it. For example, he won't let you label a file "miscellaneous". Very bad no good name. It's okay to have a file folder with one piece of paper in it.

[janis_and_c0]

Heh, I wondered about Therblig's name myself, ( I love the books!) and that's a great way to use the term. You've not only inspired me, but one of my dear friends as well. You SHOULD feel good about helping inspire others and you SHOULD feel good about what you have accomplished. Moreover, you should feel good about being a warm, softhearted emapthetic person. It's not necessarily always a bad thing, y'know.

[perfectparanoia]

I was, unfortunately, away on business last week and didn't get to read this thread as it happened but I wanted to chime in.

I am so proud of you! I am not sure that anyone who does not suffer from a mental health problem can really understand the pain you went through to get here or the continued strength it is going to take to keep it up. Wow!

But there is something that has come out in your posts that I feel I need to comment on. You said that your brain was the same as your space and stuff. Cluttered, junky, disorganized. YOU ARE NOT YOUR STUFF. You (from the tone of your posts) are a wonderful, articulate person who deserves to be treated well EVEN IF YOU AREN'T TREATING YOUR STUFF WELL. It's okay to backslide in terms of cleaning, you will still be the wonderful person you are.

I have the opposite problem, I clean because I want to feel worthy. When my house is a mess, I sink into a deep depression (and usually need my husband to clean up a little so I can function at all). I feel worthless unless my house is tidy. It's sad. It's not good for my kids (since if there is even a little clutter around, I can't focus my attention on them).

I am making small progress in being able to enjoy my kids even with mess (carving pumpkins in the living room, playing with playdoh, etc.) but it is a daily stuggle to find balance.

[Maastricht]

Working from home, i think choie is a prime candidate for a roomba.

[Nava]

Given the apartment size, a roombita. I don't remember the make and model, but there are some miniroombas out there now which are about 1/4 the size of the original ones; they're also a lot cheaper than full-size roombas.

[Maastricht]

Yes Nava, but is a roombita large enough for a cat to ride it? The Roomba apparently is.

The funny thing is, if there is one thing that makes it easy to anthropomorfice it (did I spell that right?) it is a Roomba. Most people name their Roomba after the first trial run. Roomba owners also tend to put less clutter on the floor, because they feel sorry for their little Roomba guy when it he gets confused by, or stuck in clutter.

[choie]

Oh I didn't catch your message, perfectparanoia, but thank you so very very much; it made me a bit teary to get such compassion and support from someone who understands what it's like.

BTW, pumpkins were verboten in my house as far as I was concerned. Carving wasn't gonna happen, so I'd draw faces on them, and basically that meant they would stay around until they were a rotten mass of blackish/orangy pumpkin goo by Thanksgiving. No way could I throw those things out.

Maastricht, firstly, that video is hilarious! I'd be very curious to see how my cats would react to that. I'll have to look into a roomba, though it seems awfully decadent to get one when I only have one room, a kitchen and bathroom to sweep!

The place is still looking good. I admit I haven't followed up with the cleaning service to get those extra 3.5 hours they technically owe me. I'll try to get up the nerve this week.

[FairyChatMom]

First off, congrats! This was a very inspiring thread.

Second - don't wait too long to follow up! Call tomorrow. I mean it! Don't make me come over there and scold you!!

[phreesh]

I will also scold you!

You do NOT want to be on the receiving end of one of my scolds. I've been scolding for years and have gotten VERY proficient.

[choie]

Originally Posted by FairyChatMom

First off, congrats! This was a very inspiring thread. Second - don't wait too long to follow up! Call tomorrow. I mean it! Don't make me come over there and scold you!!

Originally Posted by phreesh

I will also scold you! You do NOT want to be on the receiving end of one of my scolds. I've been scolding for years and have gotten VERY proficient.

First, thank you, FairyChatMom and phreesh! No scolding needed. However, I should take up the James Randi Challenge because it's quite clear I can see into the future and figure out exactly what people are gonna say. In other words, precisely what I feared would happen, did happen.

I called the company to follow up, they pushed my call to the supervisor, this Israeli guy with whom I'd spoken in order to set the heavy duty cleaning deal up in the first place.

Now the main reason I mention he's Israeli is because, from one Jewish person to another, Israelis are freakin' tough. I grew up in Great Neck, Long Island, where there were a) Russian/Jewish second gen. Jews, b) Iranian Jews, and c) Israeli Jews. I'm in the first category, and learned pretty early on that we were low on the totem pole when it came to debating or arguing. I think the only way to win an argument is if you up the ante and bring in one of the Russian mobsters you find in Brighton Beach to argue your case. (Just kidding, obviously; Alessen, if you see this, please don't take it personally!)

Anyway. I spoke to the guy who was very supportive in my first conversation and mentioned what had happened, and he said, exactly as I knew he would, that they'd given me a ridiculously low price because I'd mentioned I was low income and they felt sympathy for me; so basically I was lucky to get the work I had received.

I said, remaining very positive and grateful, "Oh I know, and I really don't have any complaint about Sol or the work he did, it's made quite a difference in my life. The only thing is, you told me I'd have him from 10 - 5, Monday through Friday. That's what we'd agreed upon. When he was pulled from the job at 1:30 on Friday, that means I missed out on at least three hours (n.b.: Sol didn't take lunch so that's why I wasn't counting the extra half hour).

Owner dude said, "yes but (repeats everything he said before about having given me a great deal and my getting more than I deserved.*)." He added, "Besides I can't send a guy for just three hours, it needs to be a whole day, and you'd have to pay extra."

(* Okay, the "deserved" part is my own self-esteem bleeding through. He didn't really use that phrase, it's projecting, I know. But that's what I heard, nonetheless.)

Rinse and repeat about 2 more times, and finally I had to give in. I realized I was arguing to no purpose and really from a not-very-strong position. If on the day this happened, before Sol was whisked away from me--and especially before I'd paid (which I'd done early in the morning before Sol arrived -- the company had called for the final amount), then maybe I would've had a better place to argue from. But this? Nothing was gonna happen.

Of course I'm sure I did get a very good deal. $1200 for five days is $240 per 7-hour day, which sounds about right for a professional cleaning service. The part that sticks in my craw is that even if that's true, it's still the contract they agreed to, right? I mean they could have said "$1200 for four days" and I would have no problem with that. But it was this guy's quote that I was counting on, I didn't decide on the hours, he did.

I would still recommend this company's service very highly to anyone either in my position or just for regular "spring cleaning" type services. And I am glad I called to follow-up on the missing hours, even if I didn't get what I wanted out of it. If I'd just never called, it would've stuck in my craw and I'd probably be insulting myself for being a big ol' wimp and turning the "injustice" (such as it was) into anger against myself. Now at least I know I tried, and that's better than not trying. It's certainly not my usual behavior so any time I can break that pattern is a good thing.

In any event I still have a good looking apartment, with the exception of this one area where a bunch of stuff is waiting to find some storage space, which will happen when I clean out my closet. I can do that and the remainder of the kitchen myself with my sister's help. And if I do need further help I have Sol's number, and I have no doubt he'd give me a good deal.

My final steps in Project Extreme Apartment Makeover are, in order:

1) Clean out remaining closet

2) Store stuff that needs to be stored; possibly get a wardrobe or dresser (anything that stores things out of sight rather than a bookshelf, in other words), make double-sure that it's all stuff I need or love.

3) Tackle the bookshelves and give away / sell books (my future brother-in-law said I can probably get some small amount of money for them at The Strand bookstore, which is this massive superstore for new but primarily used books downtown) so my bookshelves look neat instead of over-packed with books I'll never read again

4) Ask for paint job

5) Once apartment is painted, if Sol gives me a good quote, get floors cleaned/sanded/waxed/whatever

6) Possibly take my future brother-in-law's suggestion and offer to put up some shelving so stuff isn't on top of anything (such as my table or media console) but up and out of the way. Also, if they're white shelves, they'll look more like built-ins and won't take up as much "visual space" as my bookshelves, which are mostly pine or oak-colored.

All these are much more doable than I would have imagined at the beginning of this project. Very much a worthwhile job.

Once all or most of the above are done, I'll take pictures of the whole place. I'd be interested in whether you think I wimped out with the cleaning service or if I did all I could reasonably do. It's not at the point where I feel like I'd rate them lower if I were reviewing the company; I'd just recommend getting a faxed quote in print next time.

Thanks again a million times for your amazing support throughout this thread. It's been one of the most important parts of this project, opening up to you guys, and receiving such incredible compassion in return.

[choie]

Originally Posted by choie

I'd just recommend getting a faxed quote in print next time.

Faxed? Seriously? Hello, self, this isn't 1993. I meant email, obviously!

[Lacunae Matata]

Good for you on the follow-up phone call, and I can't wait to see the next after pictures. Has anyone told you that you're awesome today?

Also, thanks for the inspiration. Last night, I planned to shift some crap around in the bedroom so I could change the sheets. Midway through shifting stuff, I said to myself "Self, why not actually, you know, put away some crap instead of just moving the piles around? Choie has just shown me how nice the results might be." So the room got vacuumed and dusted - even the fan and baseboards, shoes are all put away, a couple of bags of trash are gone (really Tony? Meal receipts and pay stubs from 2009, randomly littering the room? Along with about a dozen shirt boxes that I just knew I would pack up with the wrapping supplies...), all of Tony's gun-related stuff is in the safe, the wire hangers from the dry cleaner aren't lurking under the bed, etc. I still need to finish folding/ hanging a pile of clothes this afternoon, and hang the curtains, but I'm so much happier. I'll work my way through the house this week, and finish by helping my daughter organize her bedroom when she's out of school next week.

[sandra_nz]

Well done for making the call, I'm sorry it didn't go the way you wanted it to.

You were completely in the right, of course. The company quoted you time for cost, you paid the cost but didn't get the time. They shouldn't have offered that cost if they weren't prepared to provide the time.

I guess you could pursue it further but the time and effort probably wouldn't be worth it - put the energy into finishing the project instead!