Design the most hated Doper - with two rules.

[Mr. Kobayashi]

Originally Posted by Freddy the Pig

Tailor your posting style to the Forum. In CS or Game Room, be as doctrinaire as possible. Your teams, games, movies, and TV shows kick ass, and everyone else's suck. This is fact, not opinion, and anyone who can't see it is stupid.

Given how often LOTR pops up, tell everyone that the trilogy is stupid because the Eagles could simply have dropped Frodo off at Mt. Doom.

[StrangeBird]

Originally Posted by Malleus, Incus, Stapes!

Also, they have to have extremely skeevy opinions, but technically not admit or advocate anything illegal. Like, say, the guy who would never *dream* of breaking any laws, but he sure wishes those pesky statuary-rape laws would be repealed so he could date hot four year-olds.

... and they will defend their skeevy opinions by claiming everyone really thinks this way, but they are the only one brave enough to admit it.

[Stelios]

The most hated doper will display exhibit all of the following (far from exhaustive) list of behaviours:

• They will say 'ORLY' in response to reasoned arguments.
• They will use lol, lmfao, rotfl, and other tell-tale phrases of the pre-teen chatroom dipshit.
• Their cites will always link to 15 year old geocities pages with gaudy, multi-coloured comic-sans text, no references, and grammatical errors.
• They will make a point of not spelling or punctuating properly. When called on it, they will defend their malfeasance by arguing "This is just how I express myself. I'm an individual, dontcha know?"
• They will believe every flavour of bullshit, nonsense, anti-scientific drivel, citing the screeds of homeopaths and flat-earthers as though they were holy writ, and disregarding science and reason on principle. They will display an extreme distrust in, and hostility towards, the scientific establishment, likely believing in a variety of conspiracy theories concerning their veracity.
• They will write shitty poetry and inflict it on the rest of us. In GD threads.
• In CS, they will argue that their preferred genres of music and film are innately superior to all others.
• They will be racist, sexist, and homophobic, although not quite enough to be banned.
• They will believe that all forms of government intervention in any aspect of life constitutes "slavery".
• They will be opposed to charity on principle, citing social Darwinistic pablum about the "Surivival of the fittest".
• They will generally be stupid, uncomprehending assholes.
• They will never, ever, give up an argument. They will defend their nonsense perspectives until the heat-death of the universe, swimming valiantly through opposing tides of fact and reason like Jack Lalanne, loaded down with 140lbs of bullshit, battling his way down the Golden Gate bridge. They never get bored, and nothing can put them off.
• When replying to eight different people, they will make eight separate posts, quoting the entire post to which they are responding, even if it's 3 pages long and they're only saying "ORLY".
• They will start innumerable MPSIMS threads about how shitty their life is and how they're so depressed, but will nitpick and find fault with every well-intentioned piece of advice they receive.
• They will generally be stupid, uncomprehending assholes. This one bears repeating.

[digs]

I was thinking that The Hated Doper would eventually resort to the term "hive mind". It's usually used to discount anything a liberal says: "Well, you're just saying that because everyone on the Straight Dope has to parrot the party line".
And then I opened up a thread this morning to see the phrase:

"...because the hive mind walks in lock step with their non-leadership."

A hat trick of labels! Or rather, libels...

[Annie-Xmas]

When someone quotes an expert on the subject, they will respond with a personal attack ("You quoted child predator expert Andrew Vachss? He's only a mystery writer whose missing an eye.")

[billfish678]

Originally Posted by Stelios

They will write shitty poetry and inflict it on the rest of us. In GD threads.

Hey, I never do poetry!

aww shit, limericks are poetry aren't they?

[Colibri]

Originally Posted by Stelios

When replying to eight different people, they will make eight separate posts, quoting the entire post to which they are responding, even if it's 3 pages long and they're only saying "ORLY".

Worse, I think, is replying to eight different posters in a single post, while parsing every single sentence in every post and responding to it individually at great length.

[Boyo Jim]

Originally Posted by Stelios

The most hated doper will display exhibit all of the following (far from exhaustive) list of behaviours:

• They will say 'ORLY' in response to reasoned arguments....

It just struck me -- we don't have to design a Worst Doper, we just have to recruit Orly Taitz and we'll have one ready-made.

[Baker]

They must start provocative threads, with viewpoints that have no cites to back them up, and then never return to the thread when Dopers start pointing out how wrong they are.

In other words, "If I can't have it my way, I'll take my toys and go home!"

[Baker]

I thought of another one.

Said most hated poster must absolutely, positively believe that people who hold certain beliefs(religious, political, scientific) are stupid, hateful, misguided or deliberately evil. Under no circumstances will they ever admit that someone, who holds the beliefs they despise, can be a good person, or hold valid opinions on other subjects.

[The Man With The Golden Gun]

Another one: They post threads GD with little content besides a YouTube video an hour long and seriously expect us to sit through it. Bonus points if the video concerns creationism, 9/11 conspiracy theories, or pro-life propaganda that would make Randall Terry post a comment of "Tone it down a bit".

[Freddy the Pig]

Originally Posted by The Man With The Golden Gun

Another one: They post threads GD with little content besides a YouTube video an hour long and seriously expect us to sit through it. Bonus points if the video concerns creationism, 9/11 conspiracy theories, or pro-life propaganda that would make Randall Terry post a comment of "Tone it down a bit".

Bonus points also if the link is so poorly described that you have no idea whether it's safe for work, or even what it is.

[Qin Shi Huangdi]

They must obssesively denounce all religions (especially Christians), and Republicans as utterly evil and operating only from the evilest of motives.

[beowulff]

Is it OK to have a particular poster in mind when I say this?


...Is proudly ignorant of spell check, and makes numerous typos in every post, including the post title.
Which would almost be forgivable, if the posts weren't so inane.

[jsgoddess]

I think the most frustrating of all people to talk to is the dishonest devil's advocate. If they opine and people agree, that was their position. But if they opine and people don't agree, why that was NEVER their position and they didn't CLAIM it was their position and they don't want to talk about their OWN position, no, they are just here to clear up the terrible ignorance and backwardness of everyone else.

Yeah, two posters come immediately to mind, why do you ask?

[florez]

They must be infant Asian Germanophiles, who lust after the creamy white skin of inbred Mormons.
They must be Evangelical Christian, and obsessively conservative Republicans, who can always be forgiven for writing BS, as they are young and still learning.

[Shagnasty]

Originally Posted by florez

They must be infant Asian Germanophiles, who lust after the creamy white skin of inbred Mormons.
They must be Evangelical Christian, and obsessively conservative Republicans, who can always be forgiven for writing BS, as they are young and still learning.

I think you are pushing the rules of the OP based on a technicality. Plus, it isn't true. Lot's of people would appreciate such a person at least a little so it couldn't be a worst case scenario.

[Imago]

Originally Posted by florez

They must be infant Asian Germanophiles, who lust after the creamy white skin of inbred Mormons.
They must be Evangelical Christian, and obsessively conservative Republicans, who can always be forgiven for writing BS, as they are young and still learning.

Rules or no rules, I laughed.

[MrDibble]

Originally Posted by Shagnasty

I think you are pushing the rules of the OP based on a technicality.

Like the person alluded to didn't do the same thing?

[Martini Enfield]

I can't believe no-one's mentioned this yet:

* They must be vociferously anti-tipping. Even more hard-line than Mr Pink.

* Posts in every thread where someone expresses a dislike or issue with their job (no matter how minor) that the poster should "go and get another job" if they hate theirs so much, or that they should stop whining because so many people live on the equivalent of a ha'penny a day or something equally destitute.

* Must hate cats. Not be indifferent to them, but actually hate them.

[Cat Whisperer]

I don't think hating cats is enough - they must also advocate casually harming them.

[Ludovic]

Originally Posted by Martini Enfield

* They must be vociferously anti-tipping. Even more hard-line than Mr Pink.

The first few times I read this post I was wondering who this anti-tipping poster called Mr Pink was and why I didn't remember those threads.

[JKellyMap]

Originally Posted by Baker

I thought of another one.

Said most hated poster must absolutely, positively believe that people who hold certain beliefs(religious, political, scientific) are stupid, hateful, misguided or deliberately evil. Under no circumstances will they ever admit that someone, who holds the beliefs they despise, can be a good person, or hold valid opinions on other subjects.

Gotta disagree with this one. Specifically, with your inclusion of the word "misguided".

Look, we (most of us) are really trying hard to be nice. (If that sounds condescending, well, tough noogies.) So when we say that theists are "misguided", they should be happy -- because that's a very bland, neutral term. It means "it's not your fault." Don't be so sensitive.

If you keep pushing us, like you did by including the term "misguided" in your otherwise excellent rant, then we WILL have to start using terms like "stupid". But we'd rather not do that, because it's not quite accurate, in nearly all cases.

[TruCelt]

Starts out in the Pit, and then brings that tone to every post, taking out only the cursewords and direct abuse to avoid banning.

Claims that they or their child are above-average in intelligence.

Enjoys a good glurge, and needs to pass them on, but always with a well-worded thread title to draw us all in.

[dngnb8]

Is not like me.

[Monty]

Whenever they discussing science, they must always dismiss reputable science as "just a theory."

[Ambivalid]

They post in magenta. ALL magenta.

[Colibri]

Originally Posted by Ludovic

The first few times I read this post I was wondering who this anti-tipping poster called Mr Pink was and why I didn't remember those threads.

Having Mr Pink posting here would be awesome.

In fact, almost any character played by Steve Buscemi would be a candidate for "most hated poster."

[Baker]

Originally Posted by JKellyMap

Gotta disagree with this one. Specifically, with your inclusion of the word "misguided".

Look, we (most of us) are really trying hard to be nice. (If that sounds condescending, well, tough noogies.) So when we say that theists are "misguided", they should be happy -- because that's a very bland, neutral term. It means "it's not your fault." Don't be so sensitive.

If you keep pushing us, like you did by including the term "misguided" in your otherwise excellent rant, then we WILL have to start using terms like "stupid". But we'd rather not do that, because it's not quite accurate, in nearly all cases.

Oooh, looks like I hit a sore spot with someone. I wonder why?

[Malleus, Incus, Stapes!]

Originally Posted by TruCelt

Claims that they or their child are above-average in intelligence.

What if they really are above average intelligence? I mean, I understand it's obnoxious anyway to go around saying, "By the way I have a 150 IQ" all the time, but what if it's relevant to the thread?

[TruCelt]

Originally Posted by Malleus, Incus, Stapes!

What if they really are above average intelligence? I mean, I understand it's obnoxious anyway to go around saying, "By the way I have a 150 IQ" all the time, but what if it's relevant to the thread?

There is a subset of the Dope who will surround and devour anyone who makes this or a similar claim. Even if they are just asking for help/advice.

[etv78]

If they STILL resurrect zombies after being here awhile. (say a couple months)