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  #1  
Old 05-12-2012, 10:09 AM
Mean Mr. Mustard Mean Mr. Mustard is online now
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What old-fashioned name should I use for this purpose?

I publish a company newsletter. It has been printed on paper for many years, but will soon be delivered electronically via email. Few people know about the change; most will learn of it when they receive and open the next issue from their inbox.

On page one I plan on putting in a text box, in a large goofy font:

Q: HEY! WHERE IS MY PAPER COPY?!?

A: Welcome to the 21st century, (name)! (followed by a save-the-trees/efficiency explanation of the many advantages of this sort of distribution).

I am stuck, though, as how to fill in the (name) part. I'm thinking something along the lines of Gertrude or Nellie, but I am thinking there is a better choice that I am missing.

I obviously want to connote that the person questioning the move is behind the times, a luddite, maybe someone whose mind is still in the stone age.

Anyway, I think you get the idea. Any suggestions?

Thanks!

mmm
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  #2  
Old 05-12-2012, 10:16 AM
Zeldar Zeldar is offline
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If I get your main point, I would suggest using whatever name you have currently and modifying it to sound more "with it" than the old name.

For instance, if you'd been calling it "Flambert's Doings" you could try "Flambert Tweets Another One" or something along those lines.

Well, you did ask for ideas!
  #3  
Old 05-12-2012, 10:20 AM
steronz steronz is offline
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I'd go Amish. Jedediah or something.
  #4  
Old 05-12-2012, 10:22 AM
kmshrader kmshrader is offline
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I'm going to second Flambert, because that's just great.

A couple others: Clyde, Milburn, Elmer.
If you want female: Esther, Minnie, Agnes, Mavis.
  #5  
Old 05-12-2012, 10:26 AM
IvoryTowerDenizen IvoryTowerDenizen is offline
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Just make sure it's not someone's real name on your distribution list!


Archibald or Agatha
  #6  
Old 05-12-2012, 10:29 AM
Zeldar Zeldar is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by IvoryTowerDenizen View Post
Just make sure it's not someone's real name on your distribution list!


Archibald or Agatha
Right you are! For assistance there, check the recent thread on "Given Names: What Were They Thinking?"
  #7  
Old 05-12-2012, 10:30 AM
Bad News Baboon Bad News Baboon is offline
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Prudence.
  #8  
Old 05-12-2012, 10:32 AM
Oakminster Oakminster is offline
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I would be less than amused to be insulted by a company newsletter. Particularly one that is changing formats and seems overly proud of itself for doing so.

That said, if you insist on going forward with what I consider a bad idea, maybe Methuselah, or Rip Van Winkle.
  #9  
Old 05-12-2012, 10:46 AM
Ethilrist Ethilrist is offline
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Captain America.
  #10  
Old 05-12-2012, 10:55 AM
iftheresaway iftheresaway is offline
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Phineas. No question.
  #11  
Old 05-12-2012, 11:03 AM
The Other Waldo Pepper The Other Waldo Pepper is offline
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McFly.
  #12  
Old 05-12-2012, 11:18 AM
Jenaroph Jenaroph is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mean Mr. Mustard View Post

I obviously want to connote that the person questioning the move is behind the times, a luddite, maybe someone whose mind is still in the stone age.
"Welcome to the 21st century, Stoneage McLuddite!" Bonus: Nobody on your mailing list will be insulted by you using their actual name.
  #13  
Old 05-12-2012, 11:39 AM
Mean Mr. Mustard Mean Mr. Mustard is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Oakminster View Post
I would be less than amused to be insulted by a company newsletter. Particularly one that is changing formats and seems overly proud of itself for doing so.

Are you serious?

Does anyone else feel this way?


mmm
  #14  
Old 05-12-2012, 11:52 AM
Mean Mr. Mustard Mean Mr. Mustard is online now
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Poll created to gauge offensiveness.


mmm
  #15  
Old 05-12-2012, 12:07 PM
ZenBeam ZenBeam is offline
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I replied in your poll, but I'll say it here, too. If you do this, don't use any name. Any name you put in makes the statement more denigrating. Just use "Welcome to the 21st century!".
  #16  
Old 05-12-2012, 12:37 PM
Oakminster Oakminster is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mean Mr. Mustard View Post
Are you serious?

Does anyone else feel this way?


mmm
Well, it's not a "pistols at dawn" level offense, but I do find it mildly insulting. Pretty much any of the names suggested could be replaced with "Dumbass" while still conveying the same sentiment, and I suspect some might read it that way.

Last edited by Oakminster; 05-12-2012 at 12:39 PM.
  #17  
Old 05-12-2012, 01:13 PM
Mean Mr. Mustard Mean Mr. Mustard is online now
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Hmmm...based on the (early) poll results, I am definitely re-considering going this route.

Thanks for pointing it out, Oakminster.


mmm
  #18  
Old 05-12-2012, 01:17 PM
DCnDC DCnDC is offline
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If you still want old-timey names, I asked a similar question once and got a few hundred old-fashioned names.
  #19  
Old 05-12-2012, 01:54 PM
Little Nemo Little Nemo is offline
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Some old biblical name perhaps, like Ezekiel or Hezekiah.
  #20  
Old 05-12-2012, 02:05 PM
Gagundathar Gagundathar is offline
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I have to say that this is what real adult-level dialogue looks like.
Kudos to everyone for such a useful exchange!
  #21  
Old 05-12-2012, 02:19 PM
Peter Morris Peter Morris is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mean Mr. Mustard View Post
I obviously want to connote that the person questioning the move is behind the times, a luddite, maybe someone whose mind is still in the stone age.
So why not Ludd, then?
  #22  
Old 05-12-2012, 03:07 PM
Becky2844 Becky2844 is offline
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If you start it with Whoa! Where's my paper copy? then Nellie would sound right.
  #23  
Old 05-12-2012, 04:09 PM
Mean Mr. Mustard Mean Mr. Mustard is online now
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It's decided, I'm not going to do it. I really appreciate all the input.

(for the record, I do like Jethro )

mmm
  #24  
Old 05-12-2012, 04:13 PM
Zeldar Zeldar is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Peter Morris View Post
So why not Ludd, then?
Alan Ludd
  #25  
Old 05-12-2012, 05:02 PM
Eliahna Eliahna is offline
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Albert Q. Luddite
Herbert Steamengine
Archibald Henry Oldtimer
Edgar Last-Century
Richmond Progress Jones
  #26  
Old 05-13-2012, 02:26 AM
cherry cherry is offline
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Hortence
  #27  
Old 05-16-2012, 10:12 AM
Max Torque Max Torque is offline
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Eustace
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  #28  
Old 05-16-2012, 03:35 PM
robert_columbia robert_columbia is offline
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Matilda, or its variants Maude or Tilly, as in the "Aunt Tilly Test".

What about a title or relationship instead, such as "Welcome to the 21st century, <grandma, mom, auntie, nana, etc.>..." that brings forth an image of someone who might not be on top of the latest trends?

Last edited by robert_columbia; 05-16-2012 at 03:37 PM.
  #29  
Old 05-16-2012, 08:53 PM
kittenblue kittenblue is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mean Mr. Mustard View Post
Are you serious?

Does anyone else feel this way?


mmm
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