The Straight Dope

Go Back   Straight Dope Message Board > Main > The BBQ Pit
Reload this Page Geraldo Rivera brutally raped
Register FAQ Calendar Mark Forums Read

Reply
Page 1 of 2 1 2 >
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 05-12-2012, 12:12 PM
aldiboronti aldiboronti is offline
Charter Member
  
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Troynovant
Posts: 4,592
Geraldo Rivera brutally raped
I can hardly bear to repeat the horrific details. My heart goes out to him, I do hope that he's in counseling. Here's the report but I must warn you it makes grim reading.

I was raped by the TSA says Geraldo Rivera.

Horribile dictu, (horrid to relate), it seems that a TSA guy brushed up against his junk!

How courageous of Rivera to appear on Fox and Friends and talk about his rape. An example to women everywhere!

In the words of an old British newspaper editor, pass the sick bag, Alice!
Last edited by aldiboronti; 05-12-2012 at 12:13 PM.
Reply With Quote
Advertisements  
  #2  
Old 05-12-2012, 12:24 PM
billfish678 billfish678 is offline
Guest
  
Join Date: Jun 2006
The war on terror, thousands dead, millions displaced, trillions spent, millions of hours of peoples time wasted, little old ladies molestered left and right...

If it all was just so that this could eventually happen it was worth it.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 05-12-2012, 12:35 PM
Zeldar Zeldar is offline
Guest
  
Join Date: Jun 2003
Quote:
Originally Posted by billfish678 View Post
The war on terror, thousands dead, millions displaced, trillions spent, millions of hours of peoples time wasted, little old ladies molestered left and right...

If it all was just so that this could eventually happen it was worth it.
Word
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 05-12-2012, 12:38 PM
mhendo mhendo is offline
Guest
  
Join Date: Aug 2001
When the TSA and Geraldo Rivera are on opposite sides of an argument, how the hell do you pick who the biggest douchebag is?
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 05-12-2012, 12:41 PM
billfish678 billfish678 is offline
Guest
  
Join Date: Jun 2006
Its like a Chuck Norris vs Anybody Else theorectical fight debate. The answer is always obvious and always the same (even when he fights himself).
Last edited by billfish678; 05-12-2012 at 12:42 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 05-12-2012, 12:43 PM
olivesmarch4th olivesmarch4th is offline
Member
  
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Exit 9
Posts: 10,678
What the hell is this website you linked to and who are all the horrible people?
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 05-12-2012, 01:01 PM
billfish678 billfish678 is offline
Guest
  
Join Date: Jun 2006
"Manually raped"? Hell, thats gotta be better than "automagically raped" by that african american guy who looks like he should be in a mental institution for being not quite right who is wearing a motorcycle helmet while "bzzzzting" the whole time.

Bzzztttt. Automagically done. Thank you Mr. Rivera.
Last edited by billfish678; 05-12-2012 at 01:03 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 05-12-2012, 01:13 PM
Zebra Zebra is offline
Member
  
Join Date: Aug 2000
Location: LIC
Posts: 19,303
Well most rapists have lost their jobs to machines.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 05-12-2012, 01:23 PM
user_hostile user_hostile is offline
Charter Member
  
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Near KIAD
Posts: 1,555
On closer reading, Geraldo was dressed with his trademark silk scarf, leopard print vest, and fishnet stockings.

No TSA agent could resist fondling someone like that.
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 05-12-2012, 01:34 PM
Really Not All That Bright Really Not All That Bright is offline
Guest
  
Join Date: May 2003
Quote:
Originally Posted by olivesmarch4th View Post
What the hell is this website you linked to and who are all the horrible people?
Infowars is a weirdo right wing conspiracy theorist radio show. Put it this way: the Birther nonsense is about the most mainstream stuff you'll see there.
Last edited by Really Not All That Bright; 05-12-2012 at 01:35 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old 05-12-2012, 01:36 PM
Enlightening Meditation Enlightening Meditation is offline
Guest
  
Join Date: Dec 2011
At least the TSA didn't force Geraldo to remove his soiled diaper.
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 05-12-2012, 01:36 PM
Voyager Voyager is offline
Member
  
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Deep Space
Posts: 30,485
In a related story, the TSA guy is in isolation in a hospital being observed for advanced cootie poisoning.
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 05-12-2012, 01:44 PM
Joey P Joey P is offline
Charter Member
  
Join Date: Jun 1999
Location: Milwaukee, WI
Posts: 17,437
Quote:
Originally Posted by user_hostile View Post
On closer reading, Geraldo was dressed with his trademark silk scarf, leopard print vest, and fishnet stockings.

No TSA agent could resist fondling someone like that.
Are you sure it wasn't Tim Curry?
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 05-12-2012, 01:47 PM
The Second Stone The Second Stone is offline
Guest
  
Join Date: May 2008
They could have legally given him a cavity search according to the US Supreme Court. I feel safer knowing that Geraldo isn't carrying anything explosive up his butt, but the diarrhea that comes out his mouth is a danger to the national discourse.
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 05-12-2012, 01:50 PM
Czarcasm Czarcasm is offline
Charter Member
Charter Member
  
Join Date: Apr 1999
Location: The Lazarus Pit
Posts: 30,430
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Second Stone View Post
They could have legally given him a cavity search according to the US Supreme Court. I feel safer knowing that Geraldo isn't carrying anything explosive up his butt, but the diarrhea that comes out his mouth is a danger to the national discourse.
"Exploring The Mysteries of Geraldo Revira's Vault" would be a great euphemism for an anal search.
Reply With Quote
  #16  
Old 05-12-2012, 02:18 PM
kayT kayT is offline
Charter Member
  
Join Date: Jul 1999
Location: Austin
Posts: 1,809
Yeah, I know Geraldo is a poor excuse for a human being but really, if someone wants to probe my cavities so I can get on a plane, well, I'll take the bus.
Reply With Quote
  #17  
Old 05-12-2012, 02:24 PM
billfish678 billfish678 is offline
Guest
  
Join Date: Jun 2006
Even if Geraldo is sitting next to you on that bus? Put that scenario in your pipe and smoke it.
Reply With Quote
  #18  
Old 05-12-2012, 02:25 PM
Rigamarole Rigamarole is offline
Guest
  
Join Date: Dec 2005
Quote:
Originally Posted by user_hostile View Post
On closer reading, Geraldo was dressed with his trademark silk scarf, leopard print vest, and fishnet stockings.

No TSA agent could resist fondling someone like that.
Yeah, with the way he was dressed, he was basically asking for it.
Reply With Quote
  #19  
Old 05-12-2012, 02:26 PM
Really Not All That Bright Really Not All That Bright is offline
Guest
  
Join Date: May 2003
Quote:
Originally Posted by kayT View Post
Yeah, I know Geraldo is a poor excuse for a human being but really, if someone wants to probe my cavities so I can get on a plane, well, I'll take the bus.
Do you really think somebody anally probed Geraldo?
Reply With Quote
  #20  
Old 05-12-2012, 02:28 PM
Loach Loach is offline
Guest
  
Join Date: Apr 2003
Quote:
Originally Posted by Really Not All That Bright View Post
Infowars is a weirdo right wing conspiracy theorist radio show. Put it this way: the Birther nonsense is about the most mainstream stuff you'll see there.
I wouldn't tie down Alex Jones to being right wing. He hasn't met a conspiracy theory he doesn't like regardless of the source. George Bush was building FEMA concentration camps for example.
Reply With Quote
  #21  
Old 05-12-2012, 04:40 PM
gamerunknown gamerunknown is offline
Member
  
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 3,291
Well, if he were wearing a hoodie he wouldn't even be around to tell the tale.
Reply With Quote
  #22  
Old 05-12-2012, 04:42 PM
billfish678 billfish678 is offline
Guest
  
Join Date: Jun 2006
Yes he would. That stache has gotta be bullet proof.
Reply With Quote
  #23  
Old 05-12-2012, 08:12 PM
BrainGlutton BrainGlutton is offline
Guest
  
Join Date: Mar 2003
Well, if he didn't want it, he shouldn't have worn that sexy mustache!
Reply With Quote
  #24  
Old 05-12-2012, 08:23 PM
brittekland brittekland is offline
Guest
  
Join Date: Jun 2011
That's horrific... Couldn't have happened to a nicer guy.
Reply With Quote
  #25  
Old 05-12-2012, 08:25 PM
AClockworkMelon AClockworkMelon is offline
Guest
  
Join Date: Mar 2010
Leave the mustache at home!
Reply With Quote
  #26  
Old 05-12-2012, 08:26 PM
Lobohan Lobohan is online now
Guest
  
Join Date: Jan 2003
Quote:
Originally Posted by BrainGlutton View Post
Well, if he didn't want it, he shouldn't have worn that sexy mustache!
God damn it! I was going to make that exact same joke.
Reply With Quote
  #27  
Old 05-12-2012, 08:40 PM
samclem samclem is offline
Moderator
  
Join Date: Aug 1999
Location: Akron, Ohio
Posts: 20,290
Kurt Vonnegut can finally be at peace.
Reply With Quote
  #28  
Old 05-12-2012, 08:50 PM
not what you'd expect not what you'd expect is offline
Member
  
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: city of gold
Posts: 2,072
She spelled out the word junk.

golly
Reply With Quote
  #29  
Old 05-12-2012, 08:50 PM
John Mace John Mace is offline
Guest
  
Join Date: Dec 2002
Well, if you actually listen to the video, he seems to be using the term rather sarcastically. It was definitely a poor choice of words, but it looks worse in print than if you listen to him describe the incident. He's an attention whore, though, so I'm sure he loves to have his little victim story to tell, one-upping the toddler as it were.
Reply With Quote
  #30  
Old 05-12-2012, 08:53 PM
Lobohan Lobohan is online now
Guest
  
Join Date: Jan 2003
Thick ropes of milky fluid flecking, then soaking into a mustache.
Reply With Quote
  #31  
Old 05-12-2012, 09:56 PM
brittekland brittekland is offline
Guest
  
Join Date: Jun 2011
Enough already. Can we bury him back now?
Reply With Quote
  #32  
Old 05-13-2012, 12:58 AM
elucidator elucidator is offline
Member
  
Join Date: Mar 2000
Location: Further
Posts: 40,661
This is all so one-sided. Somebody ought to say something nice about him. Really, somebody ought to.
Reply With Quote
  #33  
Old 05-13-2012, 01:10 AM
Covered_In_Bees! Covered_In_Bees! is offline
Guest
  
Join Date: Apr 2009
His bullet proof mustache has already been mentioned, isn't that enough?
Reply With Quote
  #34  
Old 05-13-2012, 01:22 AM
elucidator elucidator is offline
Member
  
Join Date: Mar 2000
Location: Further
Posts: 40,661
Why, yes! Yes, it is, good catch! Bombs away on Doucheistan.
Last edited by elucidator; 05-13-2012 at 01:23 AM.
Reply With Quote
  #35  
Old 05-13-2012, 01:58 AM
EddyTeddyFreddy EddyTeddyFreddy is offline
Charter Member
  
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Exurbia, No'thuh Bawst'n
Posts: 12,300
Quote:
Originally Posted by elucidator View Post
This is all so one-sided. Somebody ought to say something nice about him. Really, somebody ought to.
Well, he did do that Capone vault thingie live so that the whole world watching could point and laugh at the blowhard.
Reply With Quote
  #36  
Old 05-13-2012, 02:16 AM
elucidator elucidator is offline
Member
  
Join Date: Mar 2000
Location: Further
Posts: 40,661
Yeah, c'mon, Geraldo, when was the last time anybody touched your junk and it didn't cost you a couple hundred bucks?
Reply With Quote
  #37  
Old 05-13-2012, 03:29 AM
septimus septimus is offline
Guest
  
Join Date: Dec 2009
I thought it odd that Rivera's suggested remedy was to privatize TSA.

As though it was Obama personally who wanted to rape him, but Rivera would be safe in the hands of Donald Trump or Blackwater Thugs, Inc.
Reply With Quote
  #38  
Old 05-13-2012, 09:25 AM
Chimera Chimera is offline
Member
  
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: In the Dreaming
Posts: 12,144
Now I'm picturing a TSA agent doing the pat-down while wearing a strap-on.
Reply With Quote
  #39  
Old 05-13-2012, 04:13 PM
panache45 panache45 is offline
Member
  
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: NE Ohio (the 'burbs)
Posts: 19,488
Back when I lived in NYC, I sometimes saw Geraldo Rivera jogging in my neighborhood. From the looks of things, he never took any steps to protect his junk.
Reply With Quote
  #40  
Old 05-13-2012, 09:46 PM
Rachellelogram Rachellelogram is offline
Guest
  
Join Date: Oct 2010
Quote:
Originally Posted by panache45 View Post
Back when I lived in NYC, I sometimes saw Geraldo Rivera jogging in my neighborhood. From the looks of things, he never took any steps to protect his junk.
All I see is pork swords.
Reply With Quote
  #41  
Old 05-13-2012, 10:40 PM
Leaper Leaper is offline
Charter Member
  
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: In my own little world...
Posts: 8,125
Quote:
Originally Posted by elucidator View Post
This is all so one-sided. Somebody ought to say something nice about him. Really, somebody ought to.
He wasn't bad in that one Perry Mason TV movie where he played the vic.
Reply With Quote
  #42  
Old 05-14-2012, 12:14 PM
SteveG1 SteveG1 is offline
Guest
  
Join Date: Aug 2004
Quote:
Originally Posted by mhendo View Post
When the TSA and Geraldo Rivera are on opposite sides of an argument, how the hell do you pick who the biggest douchebag is?
It's kind of like the ageless question of

"Who would win in a fight? Lemmy or God?"


It's a trick question
Reply With Quote
  #43  
Old 05-14-2012, 12:37 PM
elucidator elucidator is offline
Member
  
Join Date: Mar 2000
Location: Further
Posts: 40,661
Kinda disappointed. When I opened this thread, my first thought was "Dear God, let there be video!"
Reply With Quote
  #44  
Old 05-14-2012, 12:51 PM
Maus Magill Maus Magill is offline
Not a real doctor.
Charter Member
  
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Charlotte, NC
Posts: 5,763
Quote:
Originally Posted by billfish678 View Post
"Manually raped"? Hell, thats gotta be better than "automagically raped" by that african american guy who looks like he should be in a mental institution for being not quite right who is wearing a motorcycle helmet while "bzzzzting" the whole time.

Bzzztttt. Automagically done. Thank you Mr. Rivera.
NO, it's more like:

Ease up on the gas.
Engage the clutch.
Rape.
Let out the clutch while stepping on the gas.
Reply With Quote
  #45  
Old 05-14-2012, 12:56 PM
Steve MB Steve MB is offline
Charter Member
  
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Northern VA
Posts: 8,211
Quote:
Originally Posted by Really Not All That Bright View Post
Do you really think somebody anally probed Geraldo?
How would they know where to place the probe?
__________________
The Internet: Nobody knows if you're a dog. Everybody knows if you're a jackass.
Reply With Quote
  #46  
Old 05-14-2012, 01:00 PM
The Man With The Golden Gun The Man With The Golden Gun is offline
BANNED
  
Join Date: Apr 2003
Posts: 1,136
Quote:
Originally Posted by Steve MB View Post
How would they know where to place the probe?
Look for his head.
Reply With Quote
  #47  
Old 05-14-2012, 01:01 PM
billfish678 billfish678 is offline
Guest
  
Join Date: Jun 2006
Quote:
Originally Posted by elucidator View Post
Kinda disappointed. When I opened this thread, my first thought was "Dear God, let there be video!"
Yep.

And I think this is one case where every doper could agree that 3D and surround sound would automatically be a positive addition to this viewing pleasure.
Reply With Quote
  #48  
Old 05-14-2012, 01:08 PM
Dogzilla Dogzilla is offline
Guest
  
Join Date: Jun 2000
First comment I read,
Quote:
C’mon, everybody. Isn’t this a pretty big case of ignoring the extremely obvious? I mean, admit it – - if you gave Geraldo a Viagra, he’d get taller.
LOL
Reply With Quote
  #49  
Old 05-16-2012, 12:37 AM
CyclopticXander CyclopticXander is offline
Guest
  
Join Date: Jun 2005
Quick side question, who does everyone hate him so much?
Reply With Quote
  #50  
Old 05-16-2012, 01:46 AM
Dave Hartwick Dave Hartwick is offline
Guest
  
Join Date: Jul 2009
Quote:
Originally Posted by CyclopticXander View Post
Quick side question, who does everyone hate him so much?
Because he's a victim, that's why.
Reply With Quote
Reply
Page 1 of 2 1 2 >

Bookmarks

« Previous Thread | Next Thread »
Thread Tools
Display Modes
Linear Mode Linear Mode

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 04:58 AM.

Contact Us - Straight Dope Homepage - Archive - Top

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.3
Copyright ©2000 - 2013, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.

Send questions for Cecil Adams to: cecil@chicagoreader.com

Send comments about this website to: webmaster@straightdope.com

Terms of Use / Privacy Policy

Advertise on the Straight Dope!
(Your direct line to thousands of the smartest, hippest people on the planet, plus a few total dipsticks.)

Publishers - interested in subscribing to the Straight Dope?
Write to: sdsubscriptions@chicagoreader.com.

Copyright © 2013 Sun-Times Media, LLC.