Would/Have you donate money to another Doper?

[Mississippienne]

After the recent Lute Skywatcher meltdown, I was sitting here, shaking my head, thinking how its such a shame these things keep happening -- someone hits up the Dope for money, questions are asked, OP gets defensive, a Pit thread is opened, OP issues fake apology then storms off in a righteous huff.

The thing is, there's been several people who've come and asked for help, gotten help, and all was well. Unfortunately, I think because of those successes, others got it into their heads 'Hey, I don't want to spend MY money on this. Why not get the Dopers to spend THEIR money instead? It worked for so-and-so.' And we keep getting people holding out their hands, telling us crazier and crazier sob stories. It's sad because I think a lot of Dopers are now very suspicious of such threads and now won't donate to a worthy cause because of them.

I made up my mind a long time ago that I would not send any Doper money. A little while back someone posted about not being able to accord cat food, and I PMed them offering to purchase a bag of their cat's food and mail it to them. They never responded. I will donate and volunteer at worthy charities. But I've seen it go bad so many times on here, I just won't do it.

[Loach]

I never say never. There may be some circumstances that I would. But I am more than a little cynical about people and their motives.

[Kozmik]

Why not? There is the ability to pay for other Doper's subscriptions.

[Living Well Is Best Revenge]

I can't imagine ever giving money to a stranger over the Internet. Perhaps if I got to know someone and they had a true catastrophe, I might. I doubt that happening though.

[Anaamika]

There was a doper with the username of Monkey something (not Monkey with a Gun) that I wuld have been willing to give to. She had a bad boyfriend who absconded with the money, but what got me was, she wasn't asking for the money. She was asking how to make X food stretch X days, and she was terribly apologetic.

Other than that, no. I don't mind sending an extra gift in the christmas exchanges, or an extra card, but not money.

[Leaffan]

I'm sure if I could figure out PayPal I might help someone truly in need out, but not someone with a broken furnace. Not until the rest of you pay to have my roof re-shingled at least.

[Jack Batty]

Yes, I have. But it was more a personal favor than blantant begging.

Also, I should state, that my fellow Dopers financed my trip to one of the NYC-Dopes -- completely unsolicited by me -- so I know first hand how generous Dopers are.

[Zsofia]

I did it once or twice when somebody seemed to have a sincere need that struck close to home for me. Definitely not for "Well, the rabbits might get hot when the air conditioner goes", though.

[Cheez_Whia]

Not on the Dope, but I recently contributed to an internet plea for one of my daughter's friends who has been a generous friend to my daughter in the past. She is somehow on the hook for $8000.00 in back rent for someplace she hasn't lived in for about two years. She says her name was on the lease so she is stuck with the bill. She's also selling personal items and has taken a second job to help get it paid off.

[StGermain]

I have given money, paid for subscriptions, that sort of thing.

StG

[Asimovian]

I have donated to causes related to Doper issues before (a Doper helped raised money for a memorial plaque after a different Doper lost her husband), and I believe I donated to a charity fund related to a Doper whose daughter was having health issues. I can't think of an occasion where I've just transferred money over to someone who just mentioned they could use some cash. I would certainly consider it if there was real, verified (to the extent that verification can be done for a stranger over the internet) need, but I'd be less likely.

[moi]

My husband and I were talking about this last night, inspired, obviously, by the plight of bunnies living without temperature control.

I don't think I could give cash to a stranger online due to the ease with which I could be lied to. I would at least consider someone who I knew through another known Doper or real-world friend, hoping my personal vetting system would identify the scammers.

[Dung Beetle]

I’ve done it, and would do it again if I felt the urge. With the small amounts I’ve got to spare, it’s no big deal. It’s worth it to me for that sense of community.

[Johnny L.A.]

Originally Posted by StGermain

I have given money, paid for subscriptions, that sort of thing.

Me too.

[tdn]

Yesterday, I proved to myself that yes, I would. Fortunately the fit hit the shan before I actually sent the check.

[Peter Morris]

Never to another Doper, but I've done so to a legitimate charity that a Doper works for.
http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/...d.php?t=268499

[thirdname]

Be very careful about sending charity money to people you don't know. I knwof two cases of people who were scamming for "charity" money on forums that I read. In one case, a speaker manufacturer was holding raffles for speakers and keeping most of the money from the tickets for himself. He was indicted for defrauding people of more than $180,000 and eventually plead guilty. http://www.audioholics.com/news/indu...ted-grand-jury

In another case, someone on a music forum was supposedly setting up a charity for musicians that had fallen on hard times. I think he only collected a few thousand in that case. Eventually people figured out he wasn't doing anything with the money, and he was banned from the forum but I don't think he was prosecuted.

[bup]

I have donated to causes related to Doper issues before (a Doper helped raised money for a memorial plaque after a different Doper lost her husband)

Me too!

I think I have maybe one or two other times, but I may be thinking of other boards/online communities I've been a part of.

[pseudotriton ruber ruber]

I gave a little money to a well-respected Doper who held views that I considered loopy, to say the least, but he was regarded kindly around these parts (if I asked you to name a well-regarded Doper, he'd probably draw about 30% or more of the vote) and he seemed hard-up. I don't exactly regret it, but he didn't exactly thank me in the way I'd hoped he would: to credit me with being a good guy somewhere deep down inside. This had a chance to be feel-good story, about two guys who disagreed on serious issues but who got along just fine personally--instead, he's been the same small-minded, difficult, ungenerous, self-righteous Doper I'd always found him to be, the general perception notwithstanding.

[Baker]

I have given a little money, twice I think. Once a Doper needed a carseat for their kid. They didn't ask for anything, were just venting about life, but I offered by PM.

[KneadToKnow]

I've given money to other Dopers with no expectation of getting it back.

Granted, only the Dopers I've had sex with, so take that as you will.

[Zsofia]

I've certainly never given a large amount or money that I couldn't have comfortably set on fire, of course. I've considered it worth it.

[Brynda]

Originally Posted by pseudotriton ruber ruber

I gave a little money to a well-respected Doper who held views that I considered loopy, to say the least, but he was regarded kindly around these parts (if I asked you to name a well-regarded Doper, he'd probably draw about 30% or more of the vote) and he seemed hard-up. I don't exactly regret it, but he didn't exactly thank me in the way I'd hoped he would: to credit me with being a good guy somewhere deep down inside. This had a chance to be feel-good story, about two guys who disagreed on serious issues but who got along just fine personally--instead, he's been the same small-minded, difficult, ungenerous, self-righteous Doper I'd always found him to be, the general perception notwithstanding.

Good for you! It is hard to give to someone that you disagree with.

I have donated small amounts of money to various folks/causes. It makes me feel good, so I will probably continue to do it.

[Larry Mudd]

Yes. Someone quietly re-upped my subscription when I was ready to let it lapse, and I've tried to repay that in a diffuse sense.

Hell, twice, Dopers have mailed me treasured (by me) objects just 'cuz they thought I'd appreciate them more than they did.

[Chefguy]

Nope. I just don't have that much faith in human nature, I guess. I don't loan money to friends, either: it's a good way to lose both.

[mhendo]

I think i donated a small amount once, although i can't remember now who it was or what the reason was.

For me to do it again, i think it would have to be (a) a pretty serious situation, and (b) someone who had been around long enough for me to have interacted with them on a regular basis, and have a good sense (well, as good as you can get on the internet) of what sort of person they were.

I participated in the SDMB international candy exchange one year. I sent a package to my designated person, but never received one in return. I stopped opening those threads after that.

[Avarie537]

I did once when I knew the person in real life. That kindness returned to me, unsolicited (from a different Doper, no less), when we were going through tough times ourselves.

[Sierra Indigo]

I donated to the aforementioned memorial plaque.

The second happened off the Dope, but involved another poster who was a Doper. She has had long-term health issues, and had made a comment somewhere about not having enough food for medication or food that week. So among the Giraffe boards community, I helped arrange a care package of vouchers for I think it was Kroger as well as a few other grocery stores and gas stations around the area, so she and her partner could get food, gas and medication to last them until their payments came through. Being that I helped arrange it, I also donated as well.

But this wasn't a scenario where the poster had come begging. We'd just been talking and she mentioned about money being tight, and food and medication being the sticking point. The whip-around and gift cards were purchased without her knowledge, and sent to her as a surprise.

[The Devil's Grandmother]

I've donated small (less than $20) amounts, in the same way I'd take an unemployed friend out to lunch. It might not be wise, but it makes me feel like I'm an ok person and I need that sometimes.

[Rick]

I have actually headed up two fund drives here at the dope.
The first was a case where a doper sent a check to someone for equipment for their special needs child.
The scum not only didn't sent the stuff they altered the check and cleaned out the doper's checking account.
They were going lose the lights cause that check bounced and they had next to no $ for food until next payday.
They posted a pit thread about it. Didn't ask for money just vented.
Call me a softie but I could not let that one go by. I contacted Tuba Diva got permission and opened a thread.
The response was overwhelming.
Two days later I was able to fed-ex a check that covered the light bill and would pay for the replacement equipment.
I will never forget the voice on the phone when they opened that envelope.
In the other case a very well respected doper died of cancer and it was his wish that his friends donate money to cancer research. I was volunteered for the job based on the first thread.
If you wish to read these threads search a doper (no longer) in need, and Something for David.
In both cases the need was real, it was not the recipient that was doing the asking, and perhaps my reputation around here might have helped a bit.
Dopers can be wonderfully generous when they feel the need is real.

[Tastes of Chocolate]

Originally Posted by Chefguy

Nope. I just don't have that much faith in human nature, I guess. I don't loan money to friends, either: it's a good way to lose both.

When the Dope first went to pay-to-post, I sponsered a couple of people who were unable to pay. It wasn't a loan, it was an out and out donation. Thankfully, $7.50 is pocket change for me, and I valued the diversity here enough to spend some extra to make sure it continued.

I've got a couple of candle holders that one of them made for me as a thank you. They make me smile.

[interface2x]

I would and have. I don't give more than I'm comfortable losing outright and I don't regret having given the money for a second. One of the recipients sent me a very nice thank you email that I still have saved.

[Ferret Herder]

Stuff a number of times, and some money too. I don't regret it.

[Missy2U]

Originally Posted by Ferret Herder

Stuff a number of times, and some money too. I don't regret it.

Me too. And I don't regret it either. But I don't know if I'll ever do it again. That makes me real sad.

[Scumpup]

No. On another board a member fell on hard times and was selling off some guns and militaria to pay his bills. I bought a very common gun of no distinction from him and paid more than it was worth. He wouldn't have accepted charity. Still have the rifle, still have no use for it, still haven't shot it. Dopers, though, are supposed to be the smartest people on the web. I have every confidence they can think their way out of any problem situation.

[Chefguy]

Originally Posted by Tastes of Chocolate

When the Dope first went to pay-to-post, I sponsered a couple of people who were unable to pay. It wasn't a loan, it was an out and out donation. Thankfully, $7.50 is pocket change for me, and I valued the diversity here enough to spend some extra to make sure it continued.

I've got a couple of candle holders that one of them made for me as a thank you. They make me smile.

As do I. And I'll buy anybody a beer if they're in town, or dinner if they need it. I'd probably even offer a place to sleep for the night. I donate to reputable charities and deliver Meals on Wheels every week. But a Cash For Individual Strangers plan isn't in my future.

[Who_me?]

I've given money a couple of times to Dopers. Never more than I could afford to lose and never with the expectation of repayment.

[jsgoddess]

Yes, a few times. I don't think I ever have after a solicitation, but I've made direct offers a few times of money, cat food, etc.

And as the recipient of the aforementioned plaque after the death of my first husband (well, a copy, the original is at Jacob's Field, the ballpark for his beloved Cleveland Indians), I know very well how generous and kind people on the internet can be.

It distresses me when anyone makes those who give feel like fools.

[not what you'd expect]

I would never send a personal check or even cash. I won't do it through paypal either, but I have sent a gift card in the mail. I believe I would do so again. I like to help when I can and I don't want this incident to change that.

[Rachellelogram]

I'll donate to strangers if I can afford it, and I think the cause is good. Not here, but on another message board I donated $20 for a transwoman's sex change operation (her insurance wouldn't cover it). And I donated to someone who was diagnosed with breast cancer and didn't have insurance. Stuff that I think is super-really important.

[vix]

Originally Posted by Avarie537

I did once when I knew the person in real life. That kindness returned to me, unsolicited (from a different Doper, no less), when we were going through tough times ourselves.

Same here. A person I met here and know in real life asked for a loan. I loaned her some money, knowing she intended to repay me, which she has.

Another person I met here (and also know in real life) has sent me several (non-cash) gifts. Nothing substantial, but they came when I needed emotional support and her thoughtfulness meant a great deal to me.

[Digital is the new Analog]

I've paid for someone's subscription, and would donate money to someone I had some experience with. If a random person I didn't know needed money, I'd sit back and see how other's 'vetted' the request. There is a lot of history of the Dope before I joined, and I'd be willing to help someone who others think is deserving.

I'm lucky enough to have some disposable income..and also lucky enough to know people who have nothing. It helps keep things in perspective. If I'm willing to drop $20 on beer and dinner, I can certainly spend that much to make a little difference in someone else's life.


-D/a

[Queen Tonya]

I have a few times, and each time it made me feel incredibly grateful and happy to be in the position of having it to give and not in the position of needing it. No one I've sent money to has stopped posting here, or been ridden out in scandal or anything that ever made me wonder if I'd been scammed in any way.

So they got a wee bit of help when needed, and I got to feel good about my life. Win-win.

[Scarlett67]

Not here, but on one of my professional lists a few years ago, a person was telling of her hard times. Many of us knew each other fairly well, and so a drive began to help her out via PayPal. It was right before Christmas too. I happened to get a big check a few weeks early and was feeling generous, so I sent her $50, not a small sum for me but I could afford to give it just then. I knew her only as an active list member.

Never heard a peep out of her. That was the end of my giving to online people whom I do not know VERY well (via past extensive private correspondence about nonfinancial matters).

[Foggy]

No, not on the Dope, but on another forum & Live Journal I have.

About 7 years ago, I was in a tight spot and I asked for help on this other forum and was over whelmed buy peoples generosity.

So I have been on both sides of the question, and I would help again if I could, but my situation isn't likely to get any better soon.




Now isn't a good time to ask for Doper's help in getting a new computer is it?

[Mean Mr. Mustard]

Just once, 20 bucks to someone here who was going through a rough time.

I don't regret it. I'm glad I did it. Not sure if I would do it again in the future.


mmm

[An Gadaí]

I would. I haven't seen reason to as yet although I have sent presents to dopers.

[Bricker]

I have, several times. But I'm a hard-nosed, mean conservative, and thus was unmoved by fluffy bunny discomfort.

[StGermain]

I was once hit up privately by a local Doper who no longer posts here (although I think he's posting on the Giraffe boards) who needed a $200 loan to take his cat to the vet. The cat didn't make it and neither did my repayment.

But I generally make donations, not loans, and if people say they really want to repay me, I'll ask that they pay it forward.

StG

[ZipperJJ]

I have and I would do it again.

The latest adventures of Lute don't scare me off. He made the wrong assumption, he made a mistake. Not everyone's brains work the same way.

I'm glad we found out the real story before it went too far. That's far less worrisome than the idea that we've been told stories that were believable from beginning to end but 100% untrue and no one ever found out.

I do love the idea of the community here. I might be a little more invested since I work from home so I consider this my "water cooler." So if I'm opening up my wallet for someone here it's just like others putting money into a hat for co-workers.