Stupid Republican idea of the day

[Kobal2]

Originally Posted by legalsnugs

Was that the one that was started in Kenya?

You're thinking of ACORN. Totally different thing.

[Gangster Octopus]

It's time to come up with our own platform, only let's make it as if were the Liberal Obamanauts of the Conservatives nightmares:

1) Kenya shall be made the 51st State of the Union.

2) Everybody must attend at least one gay marriage per year. Everyone must kiss at least one person of the same sex on the lips. Children must be taught safe gay sex.

3) The Catholic Church must perform abortion services and have extended hours on Sunday.

4) Anybody who is a male Caucasian must file a notarized apology to African-Americans, Muslims, and women with the local county clerk. Such apologies must full of contrition and remorse.

5) Everything must be printed in Spanish and English. EVERYTHING!

[Fear Itself]

6} Every sentence must have the word "Fuck!" in it.

[Dag Otto]

7) All religious holidays must be observed on the evening of the fifth Wednesday of the month.

8) Creationists are taxed at 90%.

[bup]

9) Heterosexual marriage shall be banned by constitutional amendment. Marriage shall be defined as between 'one man and one other man, one woman and one other woman, or one man and one non-human animal, or 7 sheep.'

10) Evolution must be taught in church.

[Sinaptics]

This could be fun, should probably start a new thread for it.

11) Gun ownership or possession is now completely illegal.
12) Immigrants must be given food and shelter at any residence they deem fit.
13) Mandatory sex-ed for k-12. Abstinence cannot be said by a teacher.

[Sinaptics]

14) Any UN law supersedes the law of the US.
15) Apologies will be issued to any country wronged by the U.S. in the course of it's history.

[The Devil's Grandmother]

16) A immediate tax increase of 10% on all citizens, and the money will be used for immunizations, birth control, voter access, and people to audit and fine big businesses that break the law.

(heehee, this is fun!)

[elucidator]

Marijuana stamps.

[Death of Rats]

Originally Posted by Gangster Octopus

It's time to come up with our own platform, only let's make it as if were the Liberal Obamanauts of the Conservatives nightmares:

...

5) Everything must be printed in Spanish and English. EVERYTHING!

5) Todo se debe imprimir en español e inglés. ¡TODO!


Just helping you out there. Apenas ayudándole hacia fuera allí.

[Frodo]

Originally Posted by Death of Rats

5) Todo se debe imprimir en español e inglés. ¡TODO!


Just helping you out there. Apenas ayudándole hacia fuera allí.

"ayudandole hacia afuera" jejejejejejejejjejejejejjee

[Knorf]

17) All corn subsidies will be turned into hemp subsidies.

(This really should be it's own thread...)

[Knorf]

In other news, AZ Secretary of State Ken Bennett (R) who had requested more information from HI regarding Obama's birth certificate, is now apparently satisfied that Obama was in fact born there.

Gee, you think?

So Obama will be on the ballot in AZ after all. Wow.

[Knorf]

Here, I made a thread to continue the Democratic platform spoofing.

Let's keep this thread purely for actual Republican stupidity.

[elucidator]

How much you wanna bet some rightard goonbait is posting even as we speak, saying "Here's what I found on a liberal website, so you know its true!"

On the other hand, fuck 'em they can't take a joke.

[Knorf]

Speaking of that Iowa GOP platform, here's a line that kills me, from their Statement of Principles: "The husband and wife are the ultimate authority, not the government."

Huh.

Wonder how well that would hold up in court?

[Jack Batty]

Originally Posted by Knorf

Speaking of that Iowa GOP platform, here's a line that kills me, from their Statement of Principles: "The husband and wife are the ultimate authority, not the government."

I guess single people are fucked.

[silenus]

So are wives if they actually believe that they meant husband and wife are equal.

[Truman Burbank]

"The husband and wife are the ultimate authority, not the government."

Speaking as a card-carrying husband, I know this statement is only half right...

I'll be in my gulag...

[zamboniracer]

Originally Posted by Truman Burbank

I'll be in my gulag...

In my day we didn't have our own gulags, we had to share one...

[Typo Negative]

Originally Posted by Jack Batty

I guess single people are fucked.

Mom and Dad rule with an iron fist.

[Really Not All That Bright]

Originally Posted by Knorf

Wonder how well that would hold up in court?

Presumably that means you can ignore any law passed by a GOP legislature as long as your wife agrees.

[Kobal2]

Originally Posted by Truman Burbank

Speaking as a card-carrying husband, I know this statement is only half right...

HAVE YOU BEEN WITH YOUR FRIENDS AGAIN ? You know *I* don't like them !

[Mighty_Girl]

Originally Posted by Knorf

In other news, AZ Secretary of State Ken Bennett (R) who had requested more information from HI regarding Obama's birth certificate, is now apparently satisfied that Obama was in fact born there.

Gee, you think?

So Obama will be on the ballot in AZ after all. Wow.

They got to him!

[legalsnugs]

Did you see this birther Congressman walk back his "Obama is not an American" idiocy? "Looking visibly uncomfortable, Coffman maintained his calm and repeated, 'I stand by my statement that I misspoke and I apologize' five times to five different questions." Video.

Yeah, that looks sincere. I think he means it.

[Rhythmdvl]

I stand by my statement, that I misspoke and I apologize.

[septimus]

Originally Posted by legalsnugs

Did you see this birther Congressman walk back his "Obama is not an American" idiocy? "Looking visibly uncomfortable, Coffman maintained his calm and repeated, 'I stand by my statement that I misspoke and I apologize' five times to five different questions." Video.

Yeah, that looks sincere. I think he means it.

I went ahead and watched the video. It was enough for me to know the guy is an utter asshole, and anyone who votes for him is an utter asshole.

It would be interesting to hear what SDMB right-wingers would comment on something like this. They insist "your side does it too", but can anyone imagine a Democrat Congressman speaking so despicably of GWB, and "apologizing" in such a detestable way? And if one did, Republicans would be so outraged they'd all soil their pants.

[Frostillicus]

Originally Posted by legalsnugs

Did you see this birther Congressman walk back his "Obama is not an American" idiocy? "Looking visibly uncomfortable, Coffman maintained his calm and repeated, 'I stand by my statement that I misspoke and I apologize' five times to five different questions." Video.

Yeah, that looks sincere. I think he means it.

I think the North Koreans got to him. Please hide all Queens of spades ASAP!

[elucidator]

...Queens of spades...

Obsessive Pedantic Corrective Disorder display in five, four, three....

[jsc1953]

Queen of Diamonds!! I win!!

[Ludovic]

Originally Posted by elucidator

Obsessive Pedantic Corrective Disorder display in five, four, three....

C'mon, he's just calling it like it is.

[Jenaroph]

Sitting Republican Representative fails to turn in enough valid signatures to qualify for August primary.

U.S. Rep. Thaddeus McCotter, R-Livonia, may not have turned in enough signatures to qualify for the Aug. 7 primary ballot.

In a statement released earlier this evening, McCotter said he was informed by the Michigan Secretary of State offices that he hadn’t turned in enough valid signatures to get on the ballot. According to the SOS website, he turned in 2,000 signatures, the maximum allowable.

“Fully respecting the accuracy and integrity of the Secretary of State's office, we
will thoroughly review our petition signatures for their sufficiency or
insufficiency,” McCotter said in a statement released about 8:30 p.m. Friday. “Out of respect for Memorial Day, an announcement of our findings will be made
public on Tuesday.”

No one from the SOS or McCotter’s office immediately returned phone calls to elaborate on the statement or how the signatures were insufficient.

....

Oakland County Republican Party chairman Jim Thienel said he was shocked by the news.

“I’m amazed that as a sitting congressman, he could allow this to happen,” Thienel said. “For them not to file an appropriate amount is just unbelieveable.”

This is my congressman of "McCotter Rocks" infamy, and I'm just so proud.

[BigAppleBucky]

Originally Posted by Jenaroph

Sitting Republican Representative fails to turn in enough valid signatures to qualify for August primary.

According to the SOS website, he turned in 2,000 signatures, the maximum allowable.

The rule that a candidate must turn in between 1,000 and 2,000 signatures is a weird requirement that was bound to result in this kind of mess sooner or later. When I read "maximum of 2,000" in the copied post I thought there must have been a typo.

And bouncing both duplicate signatures is another. Seems like a further review is needed here. Equity, and all that.

[OttoDaFe]

Originally Posted by BigAppleBucky

<...>

And bouncing both duplicate signatures is another. Seems like a further review is needed here. Equity, and all that.

I'm shooting from the hip (as well as being on the train in Minnesota, between St Paul and St Cloud), but I'm pretty sure that in the SoW all signatures are invalidated in case of duplication. Rationale seems to be that signing more than once is considered evidence of fraudulent intent.

[Zakalwe]

How long before this is blamed on "Democrat" operatives trying to sabotage noble Congressman McCotter? Those darn sneaky liberals!

[OttoDaFe]

Originally Posted by Zakalwe

How long before this is blamed on "Democrat" operatives trying to sabotage noble Congressman McCotter? Those darn sneaky liberals!

You mean it hasn't already? Somebody at Fox News had better wake up!

(I rather imagine the Freepers are all over it, but my gag reflex is such that I daren't check.)

[Rhythmdvl]

Originally Posted by OttoDaFe

You mean it hasn't already? Somebody at Fox News had better wake up!

(I rather imagine the Freepers are all over it, but my gag reflex is such that I daren't check.)

You libs are all the same. Of course you kneejerk react and think Fox news would be anything other than direct, honest and clear, just because some of their commentators in their non-news hours are conservative. They will not "blame it on a Democrat." They will change his party affiliation in the Chyron.

[Jenaroph]

Originally Posted by BigAppleBucky

The rule that a candidate must turn in between 1,000 and 2,000 signatures is a weird requirement that was bound to result in this kind of mess sooner or later. When I read "maximum of 2,000" in the copied post I thought there must have been a typo.

Yeah, that confused me at first, but if that's the case, it makes the whole thing even dumber and easier to avoid. If you've only got 2000 signatures to check, how hard is it to get a couple campaign volunteers to check 'em over before they're ever turned in?

[Rhythmdvl]

Could this be Gingrich/Virginia-like situation? That is, for years no one ever contested the party's efforts to get on the primary ballot, so devoting precious campaign resources to validation seemed wasteful.

[Kobal2]

Originally Posted by Jenaroph

Sitting Republican Representative fails to turn in enough valid signatures to qualify for August primary.

OK, I don't get the stupid here. The SOS says he hasn't turned in enough signatures. The SOS also says he has turned in 2k, the maximum allowed. How is this a fuck-up on the Republican guy's part, and not the SOS ?

[Jenaroph]

He turned in 2000 signatures, and enough of them were invalid that he doesn't have enough valid signatures to be on the ballot.

[Folacin]

Originally Posted by Kobal2

OK, I don't get the stupid here. The SOS says he hasn't turned in enough signatures. The SOS also says he has turned in 2k, the maximum allowed. How is this a fuck-up on the Republican guy's part, and not the SOS ?

Well, the SOS is a Republican (assumed because of the "False Democratic Ad pulled" bit on her website

Of course, her apparently strictly applying the law to a fellow Republican actually earns her kudos, not Stupid Republican points.

[Jenaroph]

Originally Posted by Rhythmdvl

Could this be Gingrich/Virginia-like situation? That is, for years no one ever contested the party's efforts to get on the primary ballot, so devoting precious campaign resources to validation seemed wasteful.

I'm wondering if it's tangentially due to the Font Size debacle.
Michigan's pretty solidly ruled by Republicans right now (and I mean that in a dictatorial sense) and McCotter's well respected, so it's not like anyone in Lansing or the Republican party would be looking for a nit-picky excuse to invalidate his signatures, but the SOS came down on the side of the petition collectors in the emergency manager repeal case. There may be an attitude of "Fine, if petitions must be perfect, then they ALL have to be perfect." But I don't know who specifically in Lansing would choose to make McCotter a sacrificial lamb in that case.

And that doesn't excuse McCotter's camp for not checking over his own signatures. 2000 signatures, and only HALF had to be valid; that's what, an afternoon's work just to look for duplicates and Mickey Mouses?

[Kobal2]

Originally Posted by Jenaroph

He turned in 2000 signatures, and enough of them were invalid that he doesn't have enough valid signatures to be on the ballot.

Oh, so that's the elephant that I missed. Looks bigger in person.

Thanks

[Mann Slaughter]

I know this is a few weeks old, but here goes:
Samuel "Joe The Plumber" Wurzelbacher (R) is running in Ohio for the Congressional seat now held by Democrat Mary Kaptur. Kaptur's people have repeatedly pointed out that "Joe" isn't a licensed plumber in Ohio, so what does "Joe" do? He "Accuses Kaptur of disrespecting his and other veterans' military service"

Hold it...Wait... What???

This just reminds me why I no longer watch political debates. I seem to spend most of my time screaming, "HOW ABOUT YOU JUST ANSWER THE DAMN QUESTION?!?" Using "Joe's" logic, since I was a Combat Medical Specialist (91B-10) in the US Army in 1984, that makes me an EMT today? Right? And anyone questioning my credentials is hateful of the military and our veterans?
Seriously, what planet do the people live on?

[OttoDaFe]

Bizarro World, obviously.

The problem is not so much that they live there as that a significant portion of the electorate is right there with them.

[dropzone]

Originally Posted by Mann Slaughter

Using "Joe's" logic, since I was a Combat Medical Specialist (91B-10) in the US Army in 1984, that makes me an EMT today? Right?

Well, more than Joe's background makes him a plumber.

[Punoqllads]

Originally Posted by Jenaroph

And that doesn't excuse McCotter's camp for not checking over his own signatures. 2000 signatures, and only HALF had to be valid; that's what, an afternoon's work just to look for duplicates and Mickey Mouses?

This article says that only 244 of the 2000 signatures were non-duplicates. Duplicates were photocopies of the originals, some of which have different pollster names on each copy. Also, some of the signatures appear to be cut-and-pasted from some other source, but since they're from real voters, they were not excluded. So it's not clear how many of the 244 were actually signed this year.

[Balance]

Originally Posted by Punoqllads

This article says that only 244 of the 2000 signatures were non-duplicates. Duplicates were photocopies of the originals, some of which have different pollster names on each copy. Also, some of the signatures appear to be cut-and-pasted from some other source, but since they're from real voters, they were not excluded. So it's not clear how many of the 244 were actually signed this year.

It also says he's blaming a "trusted staffer" for deceiving him about the signatures. Is having judgment poor enough to trust a staffer who will engage in massive, blatant election fraud really that much better a Congressional qualification than being a corrupt fraud yourself?

[dropzone]

Well, Thad, if you aren't willing to leave your wife for this male or female staffer (checking for the R after his name and finding it) male staffer* you have to expect hijinks like this.


* - Baseless libel that no one should assume is true.