Do you bring gifts to a dinner party?

[Jormungandr]

This based on a conversation inspired on the how you use your fork poll. In my family, it was considered rude to bring gifts if you were invited over for dinner at our house. To bring food or drink was considered rude and akin to saying that what we were providing wasn't good enough in taste or quantity (we insisted you take food home) for you. If we didn't have the beer/wine/soda you like, we'll make a store run.

So, do you bring gifts when you're invited to dinner (party). If so, what do you bring and what was the reaction?

[Lord Mondegreen]

I always bring a bottle of wine, and anyone who eats at our house brings a bottle of wine as well.

But like with everything etiquette-related there are regional/age/cultural differences.

[bengangmo]

Would normally bring something, customised to the person we are visiting.

Might be anything from liqour to chocolates to books for their kids

[glee]

A food/drink gift is certainly not an insult in my part of the World:

- it's for the host, not for the guest (so says nothing about the food / drink being served)
- it shows gratitude for the work the host is putting in
- it might be a super speciality item that the guest makes only for friends

P.S. Having the host make a store run for you is embarrassing...

[FairyChatMom]

Our circle of friends is pretty casual - we don't bring anything to each other's unless it's a pot-luck dinner. I suppose if I was invited to a fancy-pants dinner at someone's house, I'd bring wine or chocolates, but I don't expect that to happen in my lifetime.

[Antigen]

I usually only bring something if asked, but then again, I only ever get invited to my friends and family's places for dinner, and we're all very casual about it. If I get an invite, I'll ask if they want me to bring something, and sometimes they say yes, sometimes no.

If it's a more formal event or it's with people I don't know well, I usually bring wine for the hosts - not for drinking that night, necessarily. It's that I feel a gift of some sort is in order, but I don't want to get them crap for their house. Wine is easy, and also easily regiftable if they don't want it.

[N9IWP]

I'd certainly offer, as in "want me to bring anything?"
Though I'm rarrely invited for just a meal, usually it includes something else (these days, boardgames), so I'b bring a slection of my games plus probabl;y a snack

Brian

[drewtwo99]

I don't attend many dinner parties, but I'd say bringing some wine or picking up something from the store is not a bad thing to do. I usually ask my friend "should I bring anything over?"

It seems when I have friends over for a small dinner party, they usually bring wine, which is nice, but I'm not much of a wine drinker. The gesture is appreciated though!

[Pai325]

I bring something, but it's certainly not for that night. I assume if I'm invited for dinner the hosts have planned a meal and have food. I've only been disappointed in that assumption once.

I bring something for them to enjoy later. With most families I bring a pint of Ben & Jerry's and say, "This is for you two to enjoy sometime." if I don't know the people that well I bring flowers or candy. I don't think people expect their gift to be served with the dinner. At least they shouldn't expect it.

[DrFidelius]

Usually a bottle of wine. This is as a gift for the hosts, and is NOT expected to be opened that evening.
For an informal meal, we will ask if we can bring anything to help out. I made and transported a lot of potato salad over this past weekend, for cookouts and picnics.

[PunditLisa]

There should have been a "sometimes" response, because I do bring a hostess gift on occasion. Other times, I do not.

If it's a formal event with, say, beef tenderloin, I'll definitely bring a bottle of wine or a plant (e.g. an Easter lily). If it's a pig roast, I don't.

If it's to celebrate a birthday of one of the hosts, then I bring him/her a present, but not a second one for being host.

If I've been asked to contribute to any part of the meal in advance (dessert, appetizer, wine), then I don't bring a hostess gift.

If it's part of a rotating host dinner club, then I might bring a bottle of wine for common consumption, but not a formal gift.

[RealityChuck]

You always bring something -- a bottle of wine was typical. It would be something that didn't necessarily have to be served at the dinner.

Woody Allen referred to the practice in Bananas: when he was invited to the Presidential Palace for dinner, he brought a cake.

[ioioio]

I show up with a hostess gift (wine, chocolate, fruit basket, etc) even at informal events. As others have pointed out, the gift is not intended to be part of the event’s menu (although the host may choose to use it).

Upon receiving a dinner invitation, I’ll ask if I can contribute anything, but if the answer is no, I honor that. Many hosts do not appreciate having their planned menu hijacked. Aunt Edna’s signature tuna / potato chip casserole doesn’t belong at Tandoori Night.

[hogarth]

Originally Posted by FairyChatMom

Our circle of friends is pretty casual - we don't bring anything to each other's unless it's a pot-luck dinner. I suppose if I was invited to a fancy-pants dinner at someone's house, I'd bring wine or chocolates, but I don't expect that to happen in my lifetime.

That about sums it up for me, too.

[Dr. Drake]

I was raised to believe it was insulting to bring a gift to a dinner party. Rather, you are supposed to write a nice thank-you note after, and to reciprocate the hosting. However, I think I was raised by people stuck in the 19th century and Mr. Mallard insists we bring a bottle of wine and / or flowers whether I want to or not.

[overlyverbose]

I generally offer to bring something to go with the meal (salad, dessert, etc.) and bring a bottle of wine with me if I know the person/couple drinks. If they don't drink, I might bring a small box of chocolates or something else small for the hostess.

[madmonk28]

Usually a bottle of wine, I would feel weird without coming with something.

[Tom Scud]

Again with the bottle of wine. Since Eva is a terrific cook, sometimes our friends ask us to bring food instead.

[MsWhatsit]

Bottle of wine. It might be opened that evening and it might not. But I don't like to show up empty-handed.

[Freudian Slit]

Originally Posted by Jormungandr

(we insisted you take food home)

OK, that's a little creepy.

[silenus]

Ditto the bottle of wine. If asked, something that goes with dinner. Otherwise, something I think the host will enjoy at a future date.

[TriPolar]

Wine, candy, flowers, something.

[Hari Seldon]

I have usually brought a bottle of wine, but about 10 years ago I discovered how easy it is to make chocolate truffles and I usually bring a dozen or so. They are delicious, festive, and obviously home made and a delightful gift.

[pravnik]

Bottle of wine as a gift, ask if they need us to pick up anything on our way there (bag of ice, etc.).

[alice_in_wonderland]

I almost always bring a hostess gift when invited to dinner parties. Typically flowers, although sometimes something different depending on circumstances.

If it's just a casual dinner at a family members house, I generally do not. (Occasionally there will be an exception, like I found something the person would like - that's not really a hostess gift though - more of a 'hey I thought of you and got this' idea).

[Girl From Mars]

Originally Posted by TriPolar

Wine, candy, flowers, something.

Exactly this - with no expectation that it will actually be used on the night, but simply to thank the host for their hospitality.

[Khadaji]

Usually I take a bottle of wine, or some nice beer. Sometimes I take cheesecake or chocolate.

[zoid]

I usually find out what the hosts favorite booze is and bring a large bottle of that.

[Cunctator]

It depends. For an informal type of function, I may bring something (and it could well be the specific item that the hosts have asked me to bring).

For a more formal dinner party, I don't take anything. The hosts are throwing the party. They know exactly what they're going to serve. Bringing along 'extras' just seems gauche.

[vix]

Usually a bottle of wine. And as many people said already, there's no expectation that it will be served with dinner. It's a gift for the host(s) to enjoy later.

[ladyfoxfyre]

Always bring a bottle of wine. It's not a gesture that your food/drink isn't good enough, it's meant as a thank you for providing dinner. Also, my circle of friends likes to drink a lot.

[Khadaji]

Forgot: I also am often inclined to bring a nice bottle of Scotch. This happens if: A: I know the host likes Scotch and B:I'm too lazy to go out and get wine. (I almost always have a nice bottle of Scotch on the shelf, but don't keep wine in the house.)

[not what you'd expect]

Flowers for sure and dessert if the hostess permits. I hate to show up empty handed.

[IvoryTowerDenizen]

Flowers, wine, something to say thank you. I never come empty handed.

[CanvasShoes]

Usually flowers.

[Rhiannon8404]

We always bring something. If it's casual, we ask what we can bring. Usually we're told dessert or wine or something. If not, we generally bring wine, a bottle of the hosts preferred liquor, or flowers. But in our circle it's usually casual and everyone brings a little something.

[Trinopus]

Originally Posted by N9IWP

I'd certainly offer, as in "want me to bring anything?". . .

This. I am part of a quarterly "salon" that gathers at people's houses. I'm the odd man out, and live in a crummy little apartment, and so cannot host. I always ask if I can do anything to help pay my share. (And the hosts are always very polite and tell me not to.)

Once, I was invited to a Passover Dinner -- I was the token goy -- but I had an informer who told me that the hosts were fond of Mahler, so I gave them an LP.

My answer to the poll would have been "Sometimes" or "It Depends."

[amanset]

I've pretty much been brought up with the idea that it is rude not to bring a bottle of wine, so Christ knows how it'd work out if I ever ate at yours.

[2square4u]

Depends on the occasion. For an informal dinner with friends, usually not, but sometimes a bottle of wine. For more formal occasions, some flowers or a bottle of wine. For out-of-country visits or if we're invited by foreigners, I like to bring some specialty food or drink from my own country.

[gwendee]

I voted before reading the OP all the way through. To my mind taking food to a dinner party is different than a gift. The way I was taught, taking an unsolicited side dish or dessert implies that the hosts were gonna screw it up. But I was also taught that you don't go planning to spend time in a person's home empty handed.

Whenever it's possible I try and have it be something geared to the hosts specifically, but resort to chocolates in a lot of cases. Or if I know they're coffee drinkers, a pound of coffee from a local place.

[DMark]

Bottle of wine or some flowers.
I think it is rude to show up empty handed, especially if this is a dinner party where some real effort has gone into the preparation.
BTW, I always hope the wine will not be opened and saved for host/hostess after everyone else has left and they can relax and bask in the glow of a fine party.

[Quartz]

Always bring a bottle of wine, or a box of chocolates.

[Surly Chick]

Usually a bottle of wine, sometimes flowers if my hosts aren't drinkers.

[Happy Lendervedder]

Tony Soprano, if invited into someone's home, never went empty handed, and neither does Happy Lendervedder.

Baked goods, wine, cheese, candy...something, like others said, to express a thank you to the host.

[gunnergoz]

I married a Ukrainian gal and she insists upon bringing a gift to any event. In her culture you never enter another person's home without bringing a gift, typically food for a dinner, even if you are invited to dinner. Also, if you host someone in your home, they have to leave stuffed full and carrying all the "doggie bags" of food they can hold. Very much a cultural thing.

[Breccia]

for formal gatherings I send flowers a day ahead...the host can place them w/out being under the stress of arriving guests.
I bring something most times when meeting up w/ someone...origami plane when dropping a friend at the airport, fold dollar bills into animal shapes for the pack of relatives' children when we go to the zoo (to use for snacks), every simple event has an origami possibility.
Going out of town I bring a basket of great stuff from our area...South Louisiana makes this easy.

going to the hospital for the hours-long wait while an in-law was in surgery--> plate of cupcakes from our garden (choc chip zucchini cake, carrot cake, small lemon lime tarts.) everyone was stressed and the late night hospital cafeteria sucked.

[TruCelt]

We seemt o be answering two different questions. I woudl never bring food emant for consumption unless the invitation specified it was potluck.

But I also would never show up without a hostess gift. Usually I like to bring fresh croissants and maybe some nice teas or coffee. Most of my friend do their own cooking and clean-up, so the idea is to give them an easy breakfast for next morning, or a midnight snack after the cleanup.

A bottle of wine is more usual, nearly standard, but I don't drink it so I don't know what to buy. Second most common would be to bring fresh flowers.