Corporations declared to be people? Huh?

[lance strongarm]

Dear Cecil:

I’ve heard you can avoid all kinds of laws by creating a corporation. I understand that’s nonsense, of course. But I’m curious: how is this supposed to work? I’ve always found the theories of corporate conspiracy theorists entertaining — for example, the idea that U.S. courts have declared that “corporations are people” and can do anything a real person can. “Corporations are people” seems to be propelled by some similar notion as, say, whacky tax protestor logic, but I’m damned if I can figure out what it is. The websites I’ve consulted offer a convoluted explanation involving the 14th Amendment and the Citizen’s United decision, where nothing is what it seems — it’s like reading Heidegger or Leo Strauss. I know it’s all jabberwocky at bottom, but surely there’s some superficially logical thread.

Lance Strongarm