Ask the Girl in the Wheelchair

[Maggie the Ocelot]

All have already been answered. Read the thread.

[Gezmo]

Originally Posted by Maggie the Ocelot

All have already been answered. Read the thread.

But there's 19 pages. I cant read 19 pages just for a couple of short questions!!

[Maggie the Ocelot]

Sure you can!

[Waenara]

Originally Posted by Gezmo

But there's 19 pages. I cant read 19 pages just for a couple of short questions!!

IIRC, all of your questions were answered in the first couple pages.

[Ambivalid]

Umkay, do you have any interest in taking part in any of the other threads here at the SDMB?

[Gukumatz]

Originally Posted by dngnb8

Considering the line of questions already answered, I dont think so.

She has been very open about her sexuality.

Very well, since you're incapable of following good advice, let's make it formal.

This is a moderator instruction to stop.

- Gukumatz,
IMHO Moderator

[PookahMacPhellimey]

Originally Posted by Ambivalid

Umkay, do you have any interest in taking part in any of the other threads here at the SDMB?

She's already doing so. I suppose the medical issues she's was having might have slowed that down some, though.

[PookahMacPhellimey]

Originally Posted by Gezmo

But there's 19 pages. I cant read 19 pages just for a couple of short questions!!

What Maggie the Ocelot said.


You're not the only one who can't be bothered reading the whole thread and asking things which have already been asked and it's getting a bit annoying. Umkay *can* be bothered to use software and/or dictate her posts and then spend the time to edit them and think about them so that they are both incredibly readable and also error free. Do you really need it pointed out to you that this probably takes her more time and effort than an AB person? On top of that she has been dealing with fairly serious medical issues. So would it be too much to ask that you first read what she has already written with such care and attention?

[BMalion]

Originally Posted by Gezmo

More questions?

How is your breathing?
Do you have sensations for bowel movements?
Can you eat?
Can you drink?
Can you experience an orgasm?

Read the thread, it's all there.

[SmellMyWort]

Originally Posted by PookahMacPhellimey

What Maggie the Ocelot said.


You're not the only one who can't be bothered reading the whole thread and asking things which have already been asked and it's getting a bit annoying. Umkay *can* be bothered to use software and/or dictate her posts and then spend the time to edit them and think about them so that they are both incredibly readable and also error free. Do you really need it pointed out to you that this probably takes her more time and effort than an AB person? On top of that she has been dealing with fairly serious medical issues. So would it be too much to ask that you first read what she has already written with such care and attention?

Plus there's a lot more cool and interesting info in there.

[Broomstick]

Originally Posted by dngnb8

apples to oranges here. The title of this thread is

Ask the girl in a wheelchair. She has been open about her sexuality.

All she had to say is

None of your business, No, That is too personal etc.

"Have you let other people take naked pictures of you" is a question that in most contexts is inappropriate for ANY woman, not just umkay. The cultural lines don't change because she's paralyzed. That is, actually, one of the points that need to be drummed into some heads, that the disabled are still women (or men) and are to be treated as far as possible as able-bodied adults.

If umkay had desired she could have come back and answered the question despite the mod call, saying "No, that's alright, I'm comfortable with that" but she didn't, which I take to be tacit agreement with the moderator.

Originally Posted by Vinyl Turnip

Actually it's barely anything like that at all, unless your intent is to create the most exaggerated comparison possible in a shamelessly melodramatic appeal to emotion. But you wouldn't do that, would you?

Yes, I was trying to make a point. Occassionally, hyperbole gets that across.

Umkay is the ultimate arbiter of what she will and will not answer in this thread. Her willingness to answer a particular question in a category in no way obligates her to answer others.

That said, dngnb8's "question" was phrased in a remarkably sleazy way.

And that sleazy manner is largely why it is objectionable. Excusing it as a joke is no excuse at all. It's rather like a man grabbing a woman's tit without permission then attempting to excuse it as "playing around". Is it quite that serious? No, but it's on the spectrum.

[dngnb8]

Originally Posted by Broomstick

"Have you let other people take naked pictures of you" is a question that in most contexts is inappropriate for ANY woman, not just umkay. The cultural lines don't change because she's paralyzed. That is, actually, one of the points that need to be drummed into some heads, that the disabled are still women (or men) and are to be treated as far as possible as able-bodied adults.

If umkay had desired she could have come back and answered the question despite the mod call, saying "No, that's alright, I'm comfortable with that" but she didn't, which I take to be tacit agreement with the moderator.

Really. Funny, I have asked that question of other women, and they answer, and are not offended. Apparently, not everyone has your sensibilities. I will follow the moderators direction. I just happen to disagree with the Mod and you in this case.

Yes, I was trying to make a point. Occassionally, hyperbole gets that across.

Occasionally, hyperbole is just that, hyperbole, and its unrelated and not equal to the event, just like your previous comparison. Funny how that happens.

Umkay is the ultimate arbiter of what she will and will not answer in this thread. Her willingness to answer a particular question in a category in no way obligates her to answer others.

I never said it did obligate her. Not sure where you get this from. I know, lets add content that doesnt exist so we can demonize someone. Gratz. Got any more additions you would like to add that arent the case?

And that sleazy manner is largely why it is objectionable. Excusing it as a joke is no excuse at all. It's rather like a man grabbing a woman's tit without permission then attempting to excuse it as "playing around". Is it quite that serious? No, but it's on the spectrum.

Not even close. But hey, hyperbole failed for you before, let it fail again. If at first you dont succeed, try and try again.

umkay at any time, via this thread, or pm, could have told me it was none of my business, and I would have respected that.

[Broomstick]

Originally Posted by dngnb8

Really. Funny, I have asked that question of other women, and they answer, and are not offended.

I know an incredible number of women who would be polite to your face and not publicly speak of offense, but who actually are offended.

I will also counter your collection of unoffended women with the statement that I, and quite a few women I know, would be extremely offended at someone asking that question, even in a joking manner. Anyone who asks that of me will offend me, I will think of them as a sleazy and immoral person, and do what I can to distance myself from them in every way possible. The fact you find it funny in some way does not mean those who are offended are any more wrong than you are right. We'll have to agree to disagree here, but yes, I do regard you as a lesser person for not only asking that question in the manner in which you did, but posing in outrage as you defend your position by, essentially, calling anyone who doesn't share your viewpoint unreasonable and doing whatever you can to minimize their position. As opposed to, say, stating you didn't mean to give offense and apologize if what you find funny unintentionally offended someone else.

[dngnb8]

Originally Posted by Broomstick

I know an incredible number of women who would be polite to your face and not publicly speak of offense, but who actually are offended.

This may be, but many answer yes. So if they are so offended, why say yes? Or could it be, some arent as outraged as you are?

I will also counter your collection of unoffended women with the statement that I, and quite a few women I know, would be extremely offended at someone asking that question, even in a joking manner. Anyone who asks that of me will offend me, I will think of them as a sleazy and immoral person, and do what I can to distance myself from them in every way possible. The fact you find it funny in some way does not mean those who are offended are any more wrong than you are right. We'll have to agree to disagree here,

Wow, you mean, we can have different opinions on this? Really? Amazing. Is it possible for women to have a different opinion then you on this, or do you speak for all of them?

but yes, I do regard you as a lesser person for not only asking that question in the manner in which you did,

My day has been ruined. I so hoped you would have a better opinion of me. Paging Dr Phil.....

but posing in outrage as you defend your position by, essentially, calling anyone who doesn't share your viewpoint unreasonable and doing whatever you can to minimize their position. As opposed to, say, stating you didn't mean to give offense and apologize if what you find funny unintentionally offended someone else.

You see, what you miss is that there was no malicious intent. My statement dirty minds etc was to add humor. Like a smiley wink etc. There was no intention to offend, hence the humorous statement. The fact that it upsets you that I defend my position further indicates that it was you who had the issue with disagreement, not I. You even added context in your last post that wasnt present to attempt to give your disagreement greater validity. Im so sorry I pointed that out. Maybe if you add something to your next response it will work.

umkay has always had the option to answer, give me the finger, ignore, etc. Maybe things would have worked out had you let her handle it.

I just dont know what I am going to do... You think Im a lessor person. /cry

[Broomstick]

Originally Posted by dngnb8

This may be, but many answer yes. So if they are so offended, why say yes? Or could it be, some arent as outraged as you are?

Because in many societies people are culturally indoctrinated to not cause a fuss. This is particularly true of women.

[BMalion]

Thanks for killing the thread.

[Gukumatz]

Mod Note.

Right, dngnb8 has acknowledged the moderator instructions and this hijack is now over. If you still need to talk about it, resolve it in PMs or make a separate thread.

- Gukumatz
IMHO Moderator.

(Hope you're still with us, umkay?)

[Ambivalid]

Originally Posted by Broomstick

I know an incredible number of women who would be polite to your face and not publicly speak of offense, but who actually are offended.

I will also counter your collection of unoffended women with the statement that I, and quite a few women I know, would be extremely offended at someone asking that question, even in a joking manner. Anyone who asks that of me will offend me, I will think of them as a sleazy and immoral person, and do what I can to distance myself from them in every way possible. The fact you find it funny in some way does not mean those who are offended are any more wrong than you are right. We'll have to agree to disagree here, but yes, I do regard you as a lesser person for not only asking that question in the manner in which you did, but posing in outrage as you defend your position by, essentially, calling anyone who doesn't share your viewpoint unreasonable and doing whatever you can to minimize their position. As opposed to, say, stating you didn't mean to give offense and apologize if what you find funny unintentionally offended someone else.

I have to say, as an impartial male, I find the question, in it's content as well as it's format (anonymous internet text), to be quite offensive as well as creepy as fuck. Just one guy's 2 cents.

[SeaDragonTattoo]

I hope umkay's all right and not in another crisis. I hope she's able to find out what's causing the problem and get it sorted.

[Bricker]

Originally Posted by SeaDragonTattoo

I hope umkay's all right and not in another crisis. I hope she's able to find out what's causing the problem and get it sorted.

Seconded. A month ago I had never heard of being hyperreflexic, and now I'm worrying over it's application.

[purplehorseshoe]

Me three. I had no idea - I figured one of the little perks of losing sensation from a spinal injury was never worrying about a stubbed toe ever again. Boy, was I ever wrong! Turns out it's the opposite, and who'da thunk that?

[BMalion]

Me four. I hope she gets the best of care.

[CyclopticXander]

Weird how we're all worried so much about someone we've never met, but I'm keeping an optimistic mind just as she always seems to do.

I'll add that years ago I used to do wrestling (the scripted kind) for a small independent organization, and after this thread any chance of my return to getting repeatedly slammed dangerously close to my neck and head have completely disappeared.

[winneee]

Me five. We miss you, Umkay.

[Napier]

Six. If you're listening, umkay, we're pullin for ya.

[evolution]

After randomly reading through the first few pages, I registered just to post here that I've got to admit, your mind is fascinating, you seem to be an awesome person. I hope you recover from whatever recent medical difficulties you may be facing. I'd like to meet you some day, however difficult that might be, me living a world away and all. Take care!

[Noone Special]

Seven -- hope to get you back soon, umkay!

[Jman]

I haven't participated in this thread yet, as I just found it two days ago. Like many, I've been hooked, and after reading all 19 pages, I too am now worried for you, umkay!

Hope all is well! It's very bizzarre, as I have the same sort of worry that one has for a friend, even though you and I have never conversed; that's a testament to your wonderful writing, sense of humor and amazing personality. Hope you are back soon and doing OK!

[Ann Hedonia]

Originally Posted by purplehorseshoe

Me three. I had no idea - I figured one of the little perks of losing sensation from a spinal injury was never worrying about a stubbed toe ever again. Boy, was I ever wrong! Turns out it's the opposite, and who'da thunk that?

While reading this thread, I was thinking of a sitcom situation ( it happened on Frasier ) where the guy injures himself by sticking a fork or something in his leg just to "prove" he's really paralyzed. Boy, did they get that one wrong.

This has been an all absorbing read and umkay is a fascinatingly cool lady. I have not posted yet because I was determined to read through to the end before jumping in............OK I did do a little skimming over the Zombie stuff, that tangent didn't interest me.

I do have a question or two that hasn't been asked but I think I'll wait for umkay to return.............I hope she's just out on a really hot date.

[dngnb8]

has anyone heard anything yet? Its been a bit since she has last posted

[Asimovian]

Since she pointed out that during her last absence, she was still able to read even though she couldn't respond, I would like to point out to her the following:

We are all making funny faces at you, umkay. REALLY funny faces. You have no idea.

Hope you're back soon!

[purplehorseshoe]

Originally Posted by evolution

After randomly reading through the first few pages, I registered just to post here that I've got to admit, your mind is fascinating, you seem to be an awesome person. I hope you recover from whatever recent medical difficulties you may be facing. I'd like to meet you some day, however difficult that might be, me living a world away and all. Take care!

Welcome!

[Kevbo]

Originally Posted by CyclopticXander

Weird how we're all worried so much about someone we've never met,...

Nothing weird about it at all. After reading this thread I know a lot more about Umkay and how she thinks than I know about people I have worked with for years. And add me to the list of people hoping it is going well with her.

[Jman]

What worries me is that unlike last time, she hasn't logged in since Sunday (just looking at her profile). I find myself looking back at this thread every hour or so hoping that she's posted and is OK. Our imaginations might be running away with us as well....it could be something as simple as she's swamped at work and has had evening engagements for the past few days, and/or has been really tired. We all know from the thread that her mornings aren't exactly a time where she can just hop on the computer and type away either.

But, again....good wishes out to you, umkay.

[Philster]

Originally Posted by evolution

After randomly reading through the first few pages, I registered just to post here that I've got to admit, your mind is fascinating, you seem to be an awesome person. I hope you recover from whatever recent medical difficulties you may be facing. I'd like to meet you some day, however difficult that might be, me living a world away and all. Take care!

I can't believe evolution was available as a user name. Would o' bet 30 cents that was taken.

Umkay, hoping to hear from you soon.

[Idle Thoughts]

Due to the passing of this member, I'm going to close this thread.
I split off all of the posts about her passing into a new thread, if anyone would like to comment.

[Idle Thoughts]

In light of recent events, I don't see a reason to keep this closed anymore.

[echo7tango]

Cool!

[Asimovian]

This is, indeed, a disturbing universe.

[echo7tango]

Let's focus on the good, the positives, and not on the twisted sick fucks that are out there.

[umkay]

Ha! Yes!

Good People of the Universe: 1
Twisted Fucks: 0.

[echo7tango]

Amen, sister!

[Muffin]

Well, Umkay Vigoda, I sure hope you don't die on us again. The Dopers down your way should hold a dopefest in the guise of a wake for you.

I am hugely relieved that it was only a cruel hoax, for you are a terrific person.

[SlowMindThinking]

Originally Posted by umkay

Ha! Yes!

Good People of the Universe: 1
Twisted Fucks: 0.

Oh thank God! I'm on travel and haven't been able to check in. I hope to hell you've been ok.

[Noone Special]

Like I said in the "resurrection" thread -- I'm just glad my time zone caused me to miss the whole sick episode -- good to hear from you again!

[JustChad]

Started reading this about a week ago.

Thanks for sharing everything Umkay.

I actually cried a little when I saw a post from a mod saying you had passed.
Will continue to enjoy reading this thread.

[Jman]

Umkay, So glad to hear that you're alive and well. As you can tell by the other thread, a lot of us got taken in by that jerk. We also are much happier to be taken in by a hoax than have you actually be gone....Unless.....you figured out how to zombify yourself...I mean, there was quite a bit of research into zombification earlier. There are a few things to check:

1. Do you have an insatiable appetite for brains?
2. Have your limbs reanimated themselves?
3. Any oozing flesh?



Anyway, great to have you back and I'm so glad you're feeling better. This leads me to a question:

When you have AD occuring due to something like gastric ulcers, how do they quiet the body long term? I mean, I'd imagine the ulcers continue to send pain messages for a fair bit of time...is there something that can be done to block that until everything is cleared up, or do you just need to stay in the hospital and fight the hypertension until everything clears up?

[Jman]

Oh...one more question for you. I was driving in to the office to take care of a few things and I passed a girl jogging, and since I have umkay on the brain due to this little hoax, this inane question popped into my head. Do you ever wear a ponytail? I would think that a rear ponytail would be rather uncomfortable due to the chair, but thought I'd ask.

[Napier]

umkay, welcome back. I love you. That is, I love whom you appear here to be, on the basis of my current understanding. I mean, in so far as somebody could love somebody else on the basis of a few week's acquaintance in a discussion forum on the anonymous and unverifiable Web. Wow, what a ride. Calm down, Napier. The point is I am very happy to have you back.

1) Moderators, I am thankful for the work you do and the trouble you take on behalf of the rest of us, and sorry for whatever weirdness the universe throws at you. I don't mean to add to the pile. That said, I would greatly value anything you can throw our way about what the continuing investigation turns up, especially anything that helps us continue to invest our hearts in this amazing set of threads.

2) As far as BS detection goes, it had occurred to me to wonder about the most completely engaging umkay, about whether I can trust that she is for real, but I have been accepting her as real. That umkay should die so soon after winning our hearts seemed unlikely, but then unlikely things do happen, and she has been hospitalized recently by her own account, and I don't know enough about quadriplegia and hyperreflexia to reject the report of her death as sounding unreal. If people picked up clues from NotOk's name or tone, well, good for them - I didn't.

3) As far as NotOk goes... well, to begin with, no distance is far enough, though that isn't really how I meant it. I find it hard to hate people, because the more I know about a person, generally, the more their mindset seems to be a sane and reasonable reaction to their world, however insane or unreasonable their world may have been. But I do often wish certain people were completely and permanently separated away from the rest of us in our world. NotOk, if my current understanding of the situation is accurate, I hope you never touch any of the rest of us again, because I love the Dope.

[moejoe]

As a sometimes transcriptionist I'm curious about the physical aspects of your posting. It sounds like for some posts you're using speech software and for others you're doing the mouth stick thing (is there a more PC way to say that?).

After reading this whole thread I'm impressed! Your speed is quicker than mine using traditional typing, your grammar is perfect, and your commas are always in the right place. 19 pages and not a single typo!

Can you share more about the software you're using? How do you tell it to go back and correct errors? How long did it take you to train it for your particular vocabulary? How do you get voice recognition to insert a smiley? How long does it take to create a post if you're using the stick? Do you get tired and have to take breaks in the middle?