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#1
06-22-2012, 08:37 PM
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How do you say goodbye to someone who's dying?
In a week I will be flying down to Texas to see my great good friend who is dying of cancer. She has stage 4 glioblastoma. Her tumor is on her brain stem, as I understand it, and she has completed a round of chemo and radiation. Which her doctors told her was a course of action they took to slow the cancer down enough to allow her to get her affairs in order.
I have two days with her. I left Texas almost 12 years ago and I haven't physically seen her since. She and I spent many years talking once every six months or so with every conversation ending with us saying how stupid it was that we only talk every six months! So, last year we actually started talking more frequently and maybe that was the universe sending a message because three months ago she was diagnosed with her cancer. What I want to know is, how do I... what do I... what should I do for my friend... what should I do for myself when I get there? Have any of you had to do this? How do you do this? I want to have as few regrets as possible. I know I can trust her to tell me what she needs as I know she is very affected by the cancer. What should I be prepared for? I'm not afraid of how she's going to look or what the physical manifestations are, I just want to know what I can do to make everything as comfortable for her as possible. I don't want her to be worried about me, for example, when she has to take several naps during the day. I don't want her thinking I'm put off by what cancer does to you. I want to be prepared for the reality on the ground so that I can help her not have to worry about me, and so that I can be a good friend to her when I am there. I just want to be able to care for her as much as I can, and I don't know what to expect with cancer. Has anyone had to do something like this? Where you know that you only have two days to say goodbye to one of your best friends? How do you do this? I know that I will just ask her what she wants. If she wants to talk about it, we'll talk about it. If she just wants me to be funny, I'll be funny. I know she'll guide me, but I could really use some guidance from you all. 
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#2
06-22-2012, 10:34 PM
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The closest I've come to your situation is hospital visits with relatives (sister-in-law and mother-in-law) who died shortly after, but there was little history between us, and the pressure was on others, not on me.
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Sorry you're going through this, and sorry for your friend too, of course.
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#3
06-22-2012, 11:38 PM
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Sorry to hear this is happening to you and your friend.
 I think the decision of what to say in these kinds of circumstances is very personal. No matter how much you talk, of course, nobody is ever really ready to say goodbye to a loved one. Any special memories or photos that you think would make her smile? Anything you feel it would be important to clear the air about? Other than that, I agree with the idea of just letting her lead the way.
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#4
06-23-2012, 08:07 AM
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I've just been so disconnected from this whole thing. Like it's not real. And I'm afraid I"m just going to lose it when I'm there. Even now posting about it, the tears come up but then I shut them down immediately and go back to unreality about it. I want to be present when I'm there. Maybe I need to practice processing my grief this week, allowing myself to cry about it as much as I can now. I don't cry. Not even in private.
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#5
06-23-2012, 08:26 AM
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Be there. Tell old stories. "Remember when...." "You were right about Bob, he turned out to be a shit...."
My brother in law died almost two weeks ago now of cancer. He was not only my husband's brother, he'd been my husbands very good friend. He'd also been my own friend from before my husband and I got together. He liked having people around him. Few people said "goodbye" in a final way. We talked about the past. My kids came to visit and he was non-responsive, but the doctor said he could probably hear - I had them read him children's books because when you are 12 or 13, you don't know what to say, but I thought he'd want to hear their voices. Also, respect other people while you are around. There were plenty of people in my brother in laws life, and in order to get him the rest he needed to be comfortable and allow people to see him who really wanted to, and to keep the hospital room from looking like a European soccer game, we almost needed a bouncer. Don't make the sister in law be the bouncer......  On the tears, most people pulled through in his presence - which in some ways, in this case, made it worse as there was some amount of denial over how fast everything was happening. You'll probably surprise yourself with your inner strength not to loose it while you are there.
__________________
One day, in Teletubbie land, it was Tinkie Winkie's turn to wear the skirt.
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#6
06-23-2012, 12:10 PM
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I was lucky to be there for my sister's final days and my mom's final days. One thing I am happy I did was, during a quiet moment, I took her had, looked her in the eyes and said "I love you." Nothing additional, just that.
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#7
06-23-2012, 12:24 PM
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I'm so sorry you and your friend are going through this. <hugs>
I do think it's maybe a good idea to let yourself process some of that grief now. Certainly your friend has had a little time to do so, but who knows: maybe she'll be the one to finally be able to break down with you, after having to be strong for everyone else. I would not worry about that part; it was never going to be easy, anyway. What I do think would be a really nice idea is figure out what you two can be doing together during those two days. Obviously, if she's hospital-bound, there are limits, but...Bring that one movie you two always wanted to watch, or DID watch and loved so much you can quote from it. If she isn't strong enough to write for herself at this point, ask if you can be her stenographer for any letters or last-wishes she wants people to have in writing from her. (Not legal ones, though she may need that too, just...those things maybe we can't say in person no matter what, but that we want to clear up before we go. We all have those.) Heck, if she's computer-literate, beg-borrow a laptop or something and show her videos that you like, or are funny, or are goofy, of your recent life, whatever. Bonus points if she's NOT computer literate Share. Just...share. Last edited by Taomist; 06-23-2012 at 12:24 PM.
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#8
06-23-2012, 01:30 PM
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For your friend, human touch may be very welcome - just holding hands, or some light massage if she can stand it. I spent my brother's last few days with him; I washed his hair, and took him for massage the day before he died. The woman from hospice told me that sometimes, when people are in a lot of pain or discomfort, they are too distracted by it to "let go". I do think that he was finally comfortable enough at that point, and his passing was peaceful and easy for him. A little contact may say a lot of things you might not be able to put into words. Whatever happens, you won't regret having made the time to spend with her. I wish you and your friend a good reunion. You're doing a great thing.
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#9
06-23-2012, 01:30 PM
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Like lavenderviolet said, it really depends on the person, the circumstances, and the relationship you had with that person.
My mother died of cancer when I was 23. It was a long time coming, so we all had time to prepare. When it was clear that the end was near, I wrote her a letter. I told her that she had been a great mother to me, and I hoped that my wife-to-be (I was soon to be married) and I would be half as good as she had been. I told her I loved her. I guess I wanted her to know she had done a great job, and we would be okay. Of course, it's different if it's a friend. Again, the particulars matter. But just think about what, 6 months from now or a year from now, you will be sorry you didn't say.
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#10
06-23-2012, 01:39 PM
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What they said. Tell you that you love her. Tell her about something neat that she did for you that she may not even realize meant a lot to you. Talk about funny (or only-funny-years-later) things that happened to the two of you.
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#11
06-23-2012, 05:41 PM
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This thread is helping me cry, y'all. Thank you.
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#12
06-23-2012, 06:11 PM
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Nothing wrong with crying! Crap I am crying just reading and typing this.
And I think others here have given good advice. I not too long ago went through the whole "person I care about dying thing". I honestly wanted to just run away. I don't deal well with death. But in this instance I said "damnit, I AM going to be there the bestest I can". And I think I was. And I went through and did lots of what folks here have mentioned. And I am glad I did. But, I want to forwarn you. You'll be damn glad you did it. And your friend will be damn glad you did it. But it's gonna suck. Suck like you can't imagine suck if you have't been through this sorta thing before. And keep in mind the whole sick person / hospital thing is NOT like the 70's Soap Opera version. All kinds of nasty and unpleasant things well may occur. Brace yourself. Good on you for doing it and God Bless.
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#13
06-23-2012, 06:44 PM
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Actually, she's at home. She's not at the stage yet where she's in the hospital. Her death isn't imminent (as in the next few days or weeks), but she will die within a matter of months. It's just that this is the last time I'm going to see her. I'm sorry if I wasn't clear.
Still, it's me saying goodbye to her because I know I'm never going to see her again until I fly back down for the funeral.
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#14
06-23-2012, 07:40 PM
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Okay, she's at home. Still keep in mind she might not be in as good a shape as she seems on the phone/internet. And something like a seizure or something can still happen.
On the upside she sounds to be in mostly good shape and is home. That will make your visit better in many ways than the ole last days in the hospital one. But here is where it's gonna realllly suck. In the last days in the hospital you are there and they pass and it sucks but you did all you could if you were there to the end. In the visit but leave there are two really bad parts. First, that final goodbye is gonna be the worst damn goodbye you ever had. Personally I think that might be worse than the watching the last breath in the hospital thing. But here's the real kicker. During and after that goodbye you are going to most likely beat yourself up for leaving. Couldn't I just stay one more day? Two? A week? Hell, whats my crappy job in comparision to be with someone important to me in their last days? Damn I seem selfish... I am sorry I seem like such a downer. I hope I am helping by preparing you and I honestly hope it goes as well as such things can. Last edited by billfish678; 06-23-2012 at 07:40 PM.
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#15
06-23-2012, 09:29 PM
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The other thing you might consider if she's in good enough shape physically, is a drive out to the (beach, forest, wheat fields, apple farm, mall, aquarium, whatever). Make another good memory with her while she is still able. God knows folks who are on their last legs get sick of all the white coats and med schedules and bed rest and walkers and such. Go get the wind in her hair, take her to her favorite place. You'll both feel better.
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#16
06-24-2012, 10:57 AM
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I'm really sorry you are going through this. It is very hard. Going to see her is a tremendous gift.
There are lots of great suggestions in this thread. Taking her on an outing that is not too taxing is a wonderful idea. You know your friend best. Is she embracing the "stark reality" of her prognosis, and determined to wrap up her affairs in an orderly fashion? Or do you sense she wants hope, wants to be positiive, wants to fight and prove the doctors wrong? Or maybe she just wants a diversion, a kind of "break" from the daily and unavoidable facts of her illness? You will have to trust your own judgement and read her needs. If you feel she wants hope, wants to be positive, or wants diversion, then consider downplaying the "final good-bye" aspect of this trip. You may want to tell her that you have every expectation of visiting again in XX months time. Of course, you absolutely must have the honest intention of visiting your friend again at that time. Having that as a goal may be good for her and may be good for you. Doctors will be the first to tell you that they are not *always* right about how these things will go. I am not trying to give you false hope or imply some sort of miracle might happen. I am only saying one just can't know in definite terms how these things will happen and how long a person will live. The last summer my wife was alive, on no less than three occasions (starting in early June) I was told by her doctor that the end was near (like "by this weekend" near.) My wife lived until the end of September. Her goal was to make it to Christmas and then see where she could go from there. She wanted hope, she was determined to prove our oncologist wrong, so she never went into hospice (because she felt that would be the end of hope), and we never had a "good-bye" type moment until she had literally breathed her last and I whispered in her ear that I would always love her. I was OK with not ever saying good-bye until then, and with not ever hearing it from her, but only because that was how she wanted it. Your friend may feel similarly, or she may want to share tears and fears the whole time you are down there. There is no right or wrong way, except maybe that it would be wrong to try to conform with someone else's expectations about how it should be. Also, you said you trust her to tell you what she wants, but (again, depending on the person) she may not actually be able to verbalize that. You know her best, but sometimes people are so overwhelmed by the grim reality of a terminal disease that they become kind of helpless and unable to effectively communicate their wants and needs. You may have to do some "mind-reading." In the end, it will be up to you to read her emotional needs. You are obviously a good friend to her, so you will do whatever is the right thing for both of you. Have a safe trip. When it is done, I hope both of you will be able to treasure the memory of your visit.
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#17
06-24-2012, 11:23 AM
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Be there for her as best you can and as is appropriate for what she needs.
Hug her, hold her. Not if she's uncomfortable with it, though. Tell her you love her. Ask her what she needs, what she wants. If you can do it, do it. Let where she is with all this guide you -- some people can talk openly about this process, some can't bear it. You have been in each other's lives for a long time. She will always be with you, though not so readily available ... just in another room, on a different journey. Send her on her way with love. And be gentle with yourself -- loss is painful and to face that pain and bear up under is not so easy. That's the hardest part of this -- all the things unsaid and undone, all the shared experiences foreclosed. Celebrate what is, what was, the gift of this person in your life. Share this with your other friends and loved ones -- this may make it easier. If you need help processing there are "bereavement groups" where people meet and talk out their experiences and share their losses. Sometimes that is very useful. And you have us, too. I wish you all best with you and your friend.
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#18
06-24-2012, 01:12 PM
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Yeah, she doesn't seem to want to talk about the emotional reality. The nuts and bolts of her treatment and the physical aspects, yes. That's ok, it's her process.
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#19
06-24-2012, 01:33 PM
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Then do your best to wear it lightly. Respond as she needs it and as you can.
Not so easy, I know -- the looming prospect of the end of days is the 500 pound gorilla in the room -- but really, you know, it's there for everyone, we just don't see it going about our daily routines, we could never get anything done if we did. Attention is drawn to it when people have life-taking experiences like this. It's good that you're going to see your old friend.
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#20
06-24-2012, 01:55 PM
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She probably wants to hear the people she loves are going to be okay. Shine a positive light on wherever they are in life.
Don't be afraid to touch her, get into her bed and snuggle. If that's not possible, touch her face. Kiss her face, gentle puppy kisses. She will feel your tenderness for her. Laugh. Make her laugh. Enjoy something she loves to eat together, her favorite film. Some awesome tunes, maybe. Before you leave her side, in a quiet moment, perhaps, share with her how blessed you've always felt by her being in your life. It's okay to tell someone they help hold up the sky in your world. And everyone wants to hear you'll never forget the very best of what they were. I am so sorry for the challenges you face, I wish you peace and calm through it all. Good Luck!
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#21
06-24-2012, 04:04 PM
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My uncle who has lung and brain cancer got moved to a pallative care facility today. It shouldn't be much longer, his breathing is laboured. With work, I don't get him to see hime as much as I want to , but I try to see him around twice a week. When I do see him, when he's sleeping a lot because of the morphine. But when he comes to I just hold his hand, ask him if there's anything he needs and make sure he's comfortable. I leave it up to him if he wants to talk about anything serious, he doesn't appear to want to for the most part so I don't think I'll ever be officially saying "good bye". I just tell him I love him, and that other people love him when I leave. Saw him today, he used to be a hulk of a man at 6'3, now he's barely 120'lbs. 57 years old.
Just be there for your friend is the most important part. Last edited by Ibanez; 06-24-2012 at 04:05 PM.
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#23
06-24-2012, 06:00 PM
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Be there. Its the thing to do. Even its its just holding a hand while watching TV. Be there. Don't let people manage/marginalize you away from this chance either. People pulling the job career card are looking to CYA a blip on this weeks spreadsheet, and that's It. Be Polite- "We'll have to take that up with HR when I get back." And if they get in your face, be Impolite- "Well then, F.U. And we can take that up with HR when I get back too." *Posted by someone who missed that chance to say goodbye by mere minutes and still regrets it 13 years later*
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#24
06-24-2012, 06:42 PM
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Oh, hell to the yes. When I found out about her diagnosis, I told my (brand new) boss the very next day that I needed to go see her once before she died and again at the funeral. My boss has been very good through all of this. Ironically, her mother died of the same cancer so she knows what my friend is facing.
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#25
06-24-2012, 06:47 PM
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I will miss her so much. You all have been so very helpful and kind and I thank you.
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#26
06-25-2012, 11:06 AM
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Been through this too many times, and what worked for them (and me) was to just hang out and talk and be 'normal'.
Help in any way possible, almost 'matter-of-factly'. Just don't be patronizing. Maybe I am simplifying, but that's my experience.
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#27
06-25-2012, 11:18 AM
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A suggestion. While its a pretty grim process if you think about it too much maybe the boss would let you have a shot at trying to be there just before she passes? If I was dying I sure rather you try to visit me again towards the very end rather than attend my funeral.
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#28
06-25-2012, 12:58 PM
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I went thru this with my mother in 2008 and my father in 2011. For mom, I was able to have some time with her while she was in the hospital, before she was moved to the convalescent home, when she was still very cogent and not addled by the pain meds. We were able to say "I love you" to one another, and share in some thoughts and memories. We did not know the road ahead so there were never any "good-byes". She spent the next 10 weeks going downhill and became mentally unawares and we were not able to converse in any meaningful way in the days leading up to her death. One day I told her not to worry about us, that we would be alright - a couple days later she was gone. I was able to say goodbye to her while she was still on her deathbed, just afterward.
For dad, he gradually became very ill over the summer, and Labor Day weekend he went to the hospital and never went home. I was able to have the same cogent conversation with him before the pain and pain meds and tubes filling his arms took him over. I started thinking this would be it for him and wanted to talk more deeply, but by that time he was in-and-out of conciousness. The morphine drip allowed him to die in sleep without anything else hooked-up to him. When I saw him last I was able to pat him on the shoulder and say a final "goodbye" and "thank you". I never got to discuss with him what he wanted to happen afterward, or if he wanted to say anything to me. I was just too in shock by the whole affair to know what I wanted to say to him during those final days. I wish I had written some things down and brought them with me - I would suggest you do that. There is no right or wrong way to say goodbye. The only mistake that can be made is waiting. My lesson from all this is that you should never hesitate to tell someone how you feel about them, because you may be robbing yourself of the opportunity to do so. You never know for sure when will be the last time.
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#29
06-25-2012, 02:51 PM
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Just wanted to add:
I noticed the people in my life who knew they were dying felt bad that people were going out of their way to visit them. They all seemed very concerned that people were sitting in traffic or leaving work, and all communicated this. When anyone spent time with them, even the most mundane type of time, it was hugely and vastly appreciated. Should I ever be in their predicament, all I would want is someone around. I'd feel bad they got to me, even if it only meant a short detour from their normal route and that they left work only a few minutes early. I would feel gratitude just for their presence.
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#30
06-25-2012, 05:14 PM
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There is a guilt in being sick, in taking up the time and emotional energy of others, that is a normal part of the process. This is one of those "plenty of guilt to spread around" sorts of situations, none of it usually warranted or deserved.
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#31
06-26-2012, 04:16 AM
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If I were the one visiting - I'd like to think I could do all of the above - its what I would strive to do -
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#32
06-26-2012, 05:06 AM
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You seem to grok the "follow her lead" pretty well, so I'll just throw this out here as one more possibility of what may, or may not, come up -- make plans. Pie in the sky, castles in the air dreams, like the dreams you had when you were 10. "Someday, we'll move to Montana together and run a horse ranch! You'll grow organic vegetables, and I'll sew all our clothes..." "Someday, we'll go to Rome together and see the Sistine Chapel..." Doesn't matter that it won't happen. Just dream together.
My grandma and I currently have "plans" to backpack through Europe, meet the Dali Lama and go to Belgium to try the chocolate. Grandma's thinking of taking a handsome lover while we're in Italy, but I'm waiting until we get to France and have lunch with Johnny Depp.
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#33
06-26-2012, 07:12 AM
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What everybody else has said so far, but I take exception to the comment about my turning out to be a shit.
 My addition to the conversation is that I've always been averse to the actual 'good bye' phrase. What I've said to close out the visit is, "When my time comes, I'm expecting to see you waiting for me." Last edited by VunderBob; 06-26-2012 at 07:13 AM.
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#34
06-26-2012, 07:20 AM
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[Missed the edit window]
Visits of this nature are some of the most emotionally wrenching experiences I've gone through. That said, there is no case where I've regretted going.
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#35
06-27-2012, 04:01 AM
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its hard...but harden up..we are all going there
i am going through this at the moment with my dad. he has cancer as well. went through it with my mum as well. she had kidney failure. my brother he had heart failure. even my best friend at a car crash site..all in the last 5 years so i am used to this sort of thing happening. and sadly i have had alot of practise...lol..
simply put. accept we are all dieing and one day we will be proberbly laying on the bed looking at our loved ones...in a similar position.... my conversation with the family members have been, first question " is there any thing you want me to do while your alive and after your gone". second question/response is telling that person all the things you are grateful for in the relationship...do any affairs need to be sorted???? and last and proberly the most important is TALK.....talk about anything just crap...like you would when your hanging out... death is not a sad thing...just a movement of things....laugh get checky...there is no real need to cry....you dont need to feel pain as the pain is not really there....why do you cry??? if they are in pain dont you want them to feel better? i have asked my family members in their death moments what is happening to them? all of them have told me, it is like wanting to sleep. that sensation you have when you are totally spent at the end of the day and just want to sleep....sounds painless and enjoyable to me......so dont cry for them....when really you cry for yourself and your interpretation of what may be lost..because if you furfil the first 2 questions..matters are settled...love live and never let anyone that matters no not how you feel
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#36
06-27-2012, 08:02 AM
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I went thru something similar with my step dad. He married my Mom when I was in my Thirties and was more of a friend to me than a Step Dad. He didn't want to talk about it, it seemed to me he wanted conversation to take his mind off of his situation. Just be there for her and go with the flow. I think you'll figure out which direction to go once you get there.
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#37
06-27-2012, 10:38 AM
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Let her take the lead in the conversation, especially if you are not sure what to say. Knowing that this will be the last time you see each other I can tell there are a lot of things you want to tell her, but if she's not ready to have that kind of conversation, try not to force it. The thing that matters most is that you'll be there. If the things you want to say come up naturally in the conversation (say, because an old friend just did something interesting you'd want her to know about), go ahead and talk about them. If not - even though it's not the same as a face-to-face talk - you can call her later or send a long letter. And I'm sorry you and your friend have to go through all this.
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#38
06-27-2012, 10:12 PM
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Carol, I think you have as good a handle on this as one can reasonably have at this point. As others have said, just let it take its course as you are there. Best to you both
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#39
07-02-2012, 07:37 PM
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Thanks, y'all (hey, cut me a break; I just got back from Texas!). It was a good trip. My friend is still able to get around so we were able to go see some music on the first day and go take a drive on the second day.
When I first got there, my friend talked a bit about what was going on for her spiritually and emotionally, but she changed the subject pretty quick. We spent two days just talking and laughing like we always do. She gave me some important advice on a topic we were talking about before she got sick. When she got sick, I sent her my Kindle so she'd have something to do when she was getting her treatments. Last night I taught her how to use the text-to-speech feature since her vision is failing. It was pretty funny to have a female computerized voice read "Bossypants". She was really, really concerned about her appearance. She's lost a lot of hair and is puffy from the steroids. On the way home from our drive on the second day, she asked me what I thought when I first saw her and I said, "Well, I noticed we both have gotten older since I last saw you in 1999 and I was wondering if you were always shorter than me and I just never noticed before." :-) I let her know that, yeah, I can see there are some changes, but what I see is her spirit and her heart and I hear her voice and I know that's my friend sitting there. She and her partner (by their own admissions) are in pretty deep denial. (That's ok. Five months ago they took a trip to Big Bend and all was well, and now it's July and she's dying. It's going to take some adjustments.) We talked about me coming back down very soon, and I said I would. When we got down to our last moments this morning, I told my friend that I realized in the shower that I never really talked with her about the fact that she was dying and what that was like for her. She said that I shouldn't worry about that and that just being there and laughing was what she needed. It was funny, she has been affected by a... palsy, I guess, which makes it hard to keep her head still and to look at you directly. As I was leaving, I gave her one more hug on the porch, and she looked me in the eye, steady and still and we smiled at each other and I told her I loved her and she loved me and I got in the car and waved good-bye. People, do not, do NOT waste precious time on stupid things. What's in your heart? Say it to your loved ones, your friends, your family. If you have the chance to go see a friend who's far away, do it. You just don't know what's going to happen, and all of the sudden you can be out of time. Oh, and I got kicked by a horse. (She missed, just clipped me on the shoulder. But that horse knows some new fancy filthy curse words now, though.)
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#40
07-02-2012, 08:32 PM
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I am glad it went well. I hope you at least consider trying to see her one last time rather than going to the funeral but that's just me.
Last edited by billfish678; 07-02-2012 at 08:32 PM.
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#41
07-02-2012, 09:09 PM
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Yeah, I will definitely do it. That's what she wants, so that's what I'm going to do for her. I have my hope that there will be time, but a part of me fears that she will slip into a coma before I get back down there. We'll see.
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#42
07-02-2012, 09:31 PM
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If thats what she want and thats what you want then "good".
I can understand you wanting to go to the funeral. Because the funeral is how you show respect to those she leaves behind. I think a good thing to do might be to write a nice letter addressed to all those close to her after the funeral. Explain that you had 2 choices because of your job and distance. You could have either attended the funeral or seen her in her last days to comfort her. And no matter how it turns out, I think folks that read that letter will be much more touched that you visited once when she was sorta okay and tried or did see her in her final days rather than you went to the funeral instead. It sucks I know.
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#43
07-02-2012, 09:33 PM
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Sounds like the visit was exactly what your friend needed. I hope you do make it back to see her again.
Nobody can say for sure how much time any of us have, really.
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#45
07-03-2012, 12:52 AM
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I made the same choice when my mom's husband was failing. I decided that I'd rather visit him while he was whole, and as it turned out, the time I was there he was in better spirits both mentally and physically than he'd been for a long time. It was a very good visit, and my mom knew what choice I'd made and was good with that.
I'm very glad you got to spend time with your friend, Carol, and that she was able to appreciate your visit and your friendship.
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#46
07-03-2012, 01:57 AM
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If you can, be there when they go. My grandfather's death was more of a release from pain than anything else. He was really ready to go, and welcomed it.
I'm sure that my presence was the best thing for him, and words would have only brought tears. He was a strong man, from a stronger generation, and he just wanted release. Maybe closure of some ages old dispute might ease things, but otherwise, people just want to be near those they really care about. I teared up many times at the thought of his death, but when it happened I kinda felt good for him. He lived an awesome life, and he was finally allowed to end it before things got too bad. I may not believe in the afterlife, but if there is one, he's doing just fine. YMMV and I'm sure it will.
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#47
07-03-2012, 06:52 AM
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Quote:
However, when my brother in law passed, there were people there that had NO BUSINESS in that room watching something so intensely private and not leaving room for the people that were REALLY CLOSE. This annoyed my husband and particularly my mother in law, who felt it was a) voyeuristic and b) intrusive on what should have been a private thing in the family.
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#48
07-03-2012, 10:46 AM
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I don't know you Carol, but it seem's you're the type of friend everyone wants! (Needs) Glad everything went well.
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#49
07-03-2012, 05:53 PM
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Quote:
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#50
07-03-2012, 06:30 PM
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Quote:
I never thought one of my roles in life would be "deathbed bouncer."
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