Golfers: Golf rules for the 99.999 per cent

[Spoons]

Spotted this in the Globe and Mail, and had to share. I rather like Rule 4:

Rule 4: There are two “gimmes” in golf, not one. The first, and preferable choice, is when your playing partners deem the putt close enough to the hole that even a toddler with a hockey stick could sink it. The second “gimme” is when you miss your six-footer and you immediately race to stickhandle the puck back into the hole, swearing at yourself, and act as if the next putt was so obviously a given there was no need for another player to say “Take it.” Both “gimmes” speed up play so are acceptable. A third “gimme” rule – where the player drops to one knee, turns his putter backward and jokingly tries to hole out as if the green were a pool table – is still under review by the rules committee.

Any thoughts on the article, golfing Dopers? Any other modern rules we can come up with?

[denquixote]

Anything to speed the game up.

[don't ask]

A friend and I used to play a sensible rule - you could take a mulligan on the first shot of your round if you missed the fairway. You were expected to just play a nice conservative iron but didn't have to.

I came about because both he and I were enormous dummy spitters who would go right off after "ruining a round" with the first stroke. So we called that round over and started a new one. After that, standard rules.

[denquixote]

OK, I'll bite. What is a "dummy spitter?"

[don't ask]

It's a common Aussie phrase for childish over reaction to events. In the case I was referring to both my friend and I would be inclined to get stupidly angry at the poor shot and rather than settle down and play normally would act like a pork chop.

[Novelty Bobble]

Originally Posted by denquixote

OK, I'll bite. What is a "dummy spitter?"

You might know it as a "pacifier". Another equivalent term would be "toys out of the pram"

[denquixote]

I heard a rumor that Australia was adopting English at some point; any truth to it? lol

[phxjcc]

Originally Posted by Novelty Bobble

"Rule 3: It is an accepted psychological reality that 20-year-old beer-cart girls take those jobs in the hopes of catching a 65-year-old potbellied, knobby-kneed, stogey-breath bald guy wearing tartan shorts with a madras shirt that shows off his man boobs, but golfers are advised not to take advantage of this condition by lingering too long at the beer cart and holding up both play and drinks for the next group back."

Penalty: two lost balls.

[don't ask]

Originally Posted by denquixote

I heard a rumor that Australia was adopting English at some point; any truth to it? lol

Probably just a furphy.

[Edward The Head]

I don't think that it would help speed up play. Unless the people who are doing it are taking 4-5 practice putts for a two foot putt. Then again I usually play by myself so I don't take the time to read such a short putt and just go.

Honestly, I think that they could speed stuff up if people would cut the honor crap out. Really, who cares if you're 1.35" further out then me, if I'm ready I'll go.

Then again maybe that's why I come close but never break 100.

[pancakes3]

I don't get the raspberry references. do raspberries grow in pee or something?

[denquixote]

Well' in terms of honors on the tee I agree, who cares. But you can't have two people hitting at the same time, it is distracting and unsafe. It would also prevent one player from helping to watch another's ball, which to me slows the game down more than anything.

[wolfman]

There is also the obvious rule that you can switch to a crappy range ball that found its way into your bag for the water shot, and back to the good one afterward(if by some miracle the crappy ball is actually on land to be replaced)

[RickJay]

In all seriousness, who the heck plays standard rules? Jesus, I'd like to get my round done in under a day.

The way we play;

1. You can never score more than 9 on a hole.

2. Tee shots that are hopelessly shanked, like tapped 32 yards in front of the tee on a 390-yard hole, don't count at all.

3. There are no two stroke penalties. One for going into the water, one for a lost ball.

4. You can move the ball six feet from an exceptionally difficult lie.

5. Five minutes to find a ball is a riduclously long time. If you can't find it in 30 seconds of peering around and swishing at the bushes with your club, it's gone. It's not made of goddamned platinum, just drop another one. You'll find another to make up for it.

6. Any putt under 2 feet is a gimme and it doesn't count if you miss it.

7. A swing and a miss doesn't count. (It the real rules of golf it does, but come on.)

8. The furthest-from-the-hole rule doesn't count. What matters is keeping the flow of the game smooth, and if you just pay attention it's really not hard to see what the logical sequence of shots is. However, never ever ever shoot at the same time. That is not cool.

[notfrommensa]

The best thing that can be done to speed up play (at least at my old Club) is to cut the rough.

In a "Lean and Mean" austerity move, the club started to not mow the rough as often. ~1.7" diameter golf balls in 4" thick rough are hard to find. Three hour rounds turned into 3.5 hour rounds.

[K364]

If you hit into the bush and cannot find your ball, the only recourse under official rules is to go back to where you originally played the shot and replay it with a one-stoke penalty (i.e. Stroke and Distance Penalty).

(There are different rules if the bush is marked as a hazard, and different rules if it is found and unplayable).

Since you are allowed 5 minutes to search for your ball, you can imagine the chaos if everyone followed the rule. 5 1/2 hour rounds would become 7 hour rounds.

In a non-tournament the only sensible thing to do is to always play the bush as a lateral hazard: drop a ball within 2 club lengths of where it entered and count a penalty stroke.

[Zakalwe]

Originally Posted by K364

Since you are allowed 5 minutes to search for your ball, you can imagine the chaos if everyone followed the rule. 5 1/2 hour rounds would become 7 hour rounds.

Wait, what? Who, in the name of all that is holy, plays a 5.5 hour round (short of the pros)? I have LEFT a golf course after finishing No.8 because the pace was too slow and we were on pace to finish just over 5 hrs. That's too slow for a non-tournament 4-some round.

[Implicit]

Other than gimme putts and lost balls it doesn't take longer to play by the rules. All those mulligan/do-over shots and kicks to improve your lie add time after all. There are maximum shots per hole built into the handicap rules, more people picking up their ball once they've reached that maximum would speed up the pace of play in non-tournament rounds.

Originally Posted by K364

In a non-tournament the only sensible thing to do is to always play the bush as a lateral hazard: drop a ball within 2 club lengths of where it entered and count a penalty stroke.

Take two strokes instead (for stroke and distance).

[sevenwood]

Originally Posted by K364

In a non-tournament the only sensible thing to do is to always play the bush as a lateral hazard: drop a ball within 2 club lengths of where it entered and count a penalty stroke.

If someone in our group discovers that his ball is OB or just lost somewhere other than a marked hazard, we have him take two penalty strokes and drop another ball about where his earlier one went OB/ got lost.

The net effect is as if he'd gone back to where he'd hit his earlier ball and hit another almost-as-bad shot that didn't quite go OB / get lost. Except for the time spent doing all of that, of course.

- - -

Also, we play ready golf on the greens. After you've missed your first putt, walk right up and putt again (unless you'd be standing in someone else's line if you did so). Taking turns having everyone 1) putt his ball, 2) mark the results, 3) wait for each other person in turn to putt his ball and mark the results, then rinse and repeat really slows down the round. Also you tend to remember the break better if it's only been three seconds since your ball meandered by the hole the last time.

[notfrommensa]

A few years back, I told one of my regular players that if everyone played 5 seconds quicker per shot that it would save almost a half hour per round.

We are single digit handicappers

He didn't believe me

(5 second * (4 players * 80/shots/player) = 1600 sec = 26.67 minutes

About 1.5 minutes per hole.

[K364]

Originally Posted by Zakalwe

Wait, what? Who, in the name of all that is holy, plays a 5.5 hour round (short of the pros)? I have LEFT a golf course after finishing No.8 because the pace was too slow and we were on pace to finish just over 5 hrs. That's too slow for a non-tournament 4-some round.

Yes, absolutely... I was trying to point out that miserably slow rounds on public courses would only become worse.

[denquixote]

If you are playing on a municipal golf course on a weekend I feel sorry for you, but the failure to obey the rules is not what causes slow play (with the lost ball exception, which can usually be avoided by the playing of a provisional.)

The greatest detriments to finishing in an acceptable amount of time are:
1. Playing additional shots from anywhere on the course because you were unhappy with the first one;
2. Playing from the wrong tees; if you don't routinely break 85 play from the whites when it is crowded;
3. Not being ready to hit when it is your turn;
3a: Golfers in carts sitting and watching their partner play before they find the second ball;
3b: Golfers stopping to record the score before they get to the next tee
4. Failing to continue putting when you are on the green; keep putting until you are through unless you are in someone's line and even then if his putt is meaningless he should tell you to continue;
5. Failure to recognize that you are not Tiger Woods; if you are in a hazard 240 from the green, hit a nice lofted club back to the fairway, not your 3 wood.
6. Failure to play a provisional ball when yours may be OB or lost; if you are on the tee and you announce OHMYGOD I never saw it and noone tells you they have it spotted, play a provisional.
7. If your partners or opponents have conceded your putt, do not putt it.
8. Learn the local rules; in some cases all wooded areas adjacent to the boundary of the course are presumed to be a hazard; many times water hazards have a drop area for balls landing in the hazard;
9. Failure to watch your partner's shot (and your opponents');
10. The biggest cause of slow play - playing for money and not playing by the rules.

These other "rules" that are intended to speed up play have no effect other than to lower your score and make it impossible to get a handicap and play in tournaments.

If you play mulligans you are not speeding up play, you are always entitled to declare a ball unplayable and hit another (it just costs you a penalty stroke.)

Limiting score on a hole does not speed up play unless you do not belong on the course in the first place.

Conceding putts does not speed up play unless the person picks his ball up after the concession.

You are always entitled to move the ball 6 feet from an unplayable lie (anywhere you prefer not to play from) as long as it is not closer to the hole. Not taking a penalty stroke though is not a time saver.

Failure to count a whiff does not save time.

What saves time is limiting all practice swings to one and playing "ready" golf.

[amarone]

Originally Posted by RickJay

3. There are no two stroke penalties. One for going into the water, one for a lost ball.

There is only a one shot penalty for these situations. Where many golfers go wrong is what they do next. Lose a ball, it's a one shot penalty, but you hit your next shot from the same spot as the previous one, not on the fairway somewhere within 30 yards of where you thought the first one went.

[Rhaegar]

The bigger reason for slow play is not the rules of golf, but rather people playing from the wrong tees. Most golfer's egos will not allow them to play from the "ladies" or "seniors" tees even when they should. People should just stop calling them the seniors and ladies tees and offer suggested teeboxes based on handicap.

[Spoons]

Originally Posted by Rhaegar

The bigger reason for slow play is not the rules of golf, but rather people playing from the wrong tees. Most golfer's egos will not allow them to play from the "ladies" or "seniors" tees even when they should. People should just stop calling them the seniors and ladies tees and offer suggested teeboxes based on handicap.

Agreed. I was out playing today with some friends, and after a few frustrating holes, my playing partner (who was also frustrated by the tees that our single-digit handicapper insisted we all use) decided that he was going to use a different set of tees. I decided to join him on the easier tees. That made the difference, and the game stopped being frustrating and started being fun.

[Malacandra]

Originally Posted by pancakes3

I don't get the raspberry references. do raspberries grow in pee or something?

The "conveniently hidden" and "wet bushes... when it hasn't rained" is a pointer, but in England we have far more wild blackberries than raspberries.

[Little Nemo]

You guys need to get a copy of The Official Exceptions to the Rules of Golf by Henry Beard.

[Zakalwe]

Originally Posted by denquixote

5. Failure to recognize that you are not Tiger Woods; if you are in a hazard 240 from the green, hit a nice lofted club back to the fairway, not your 3 wood.

5a. When you are 180 yds from the hole and you duff it 10 yards, you are not required to return to your cart (which you left on the cart path!) and change clubs before hitting another shot. I've been watching you all day and it ain't the club selection that's the problem brother.

[amarone]

Originally Posted by Zakalwe

5a. When you are 180 yds from the hole and you duff it 10 yards, you are not required to return to your cart (which you left on the cart path!) and change clubs before hitting another shot. I've been watching you all day and it ain't the club selection that's the problem brother.

Maybe not, but if I am standing there knowing I have the wrong club in my hand, I am much more liekly to duff the next one also.

[Edward The Head]

Originally Posted by Rhaegar

The bigger reason for slow play is not the rules of golf, but rather people playing from the wrong tees. Most golfer's egos will not allow them to play from the "ladies" or "seniors" tees even when they should. People should just stop calling them the seniors and ladies tees and offer suggested teeboxes based on handicap.

I'm not sure I agree on this. But then again I am a different player then most. I tend to play from whatever the guys tees are, but I don't take many practice swings, only if it's a strange lie. I also always carry a spare ball in my pocket so if I lose one I'm ready. I will carry a couple of clubs if I don't know the distance.

I will look for my ball for a minute or two if it's in the ruff, if it's in the trees I don't care. I also buy balls that cost about 50 cents each, so unlike the guys who pay 3-4 bucks per ball I really don't care if they get lost. I've had more people try and look for my balls then I do.

I've also stopped caring about my score. I don't even keep score a lot of times any more. I'm not a pro, never going to be and I feel much better now that I just get out and enjoy hitting the ball.

I don't think the time happens to be because of the tees, it's because a lot of people think that each shot needs to be perfect. They get down and try and figure out the exact yardage, they try and figure out exactly how the putt will roll, even though they miss the green and miss the putt by a few feet.

I can play a round by myself in two hours or so. I can also play a round in almost the same time if I play with guys who are like me, which I haven't found too many of lately. Besides the cost, the time is one of the reasons I've stopped playing as much as I used to.

[hogarth]

Originally Posted by pancakes3

I don't get the raspberry references. do raspberries grow in pee or something?

No, it's just saying lots of golfers like to piss in the bushes.

[Implicit]

Originally Posted by Rhaegar

The bigger reason for slow play is not the rules of golf, but rather people playing from the wrong tees. Most golfer's egos will not allow them to play from the "ladies" or "seniors" tees even when they should. People should just stop calling them the seniors and ladies tees and offer suggested teeboxes based on handicap.

Agreed. It sped up play at my course when they changed the colour of the tees a couple of years ago and the whites are now set at the original ladies tees. They even added more forward tees. They put up signs explaining which tees are for which handicap ranges and if you are not single digits you aren't allowed to play the back tees. It's amazing how much difference 5% less yardage makes on a round.

[notfrommensa]

Originally Posted by denquixote

7. If your partners or opponents have conceded your putt, do not putt it.

If I am posting a score for handicap, I am putting out a 18 foot conceded birdie putt.

I don't care if my opponent has hit two balls OB

[RetroVertigo]

Originally Posted by notfrommensa

The best thing that can be done to speed up play (at least at my old Club) is to cut the rough.

In a "Lean and Mean" austerity move, the club started to not mow the rough as often. ~1.7" diameter golf balls in 4" thick rough are hard to find. Three hour rounds turned into 3.5 hour rounds.

This. The heat this summer has helped, but even in the 1st cut you can barely see the ball.

[denquixote]

Originally Posted by notfrommensa

If I am posting a score for handicap, I am putting out a 18 foot conceded birdie putt.

I don't care if my opponent has hit two balls OB

Now I understand the significance of your name.

[notfrommensa]

Originally Posted by denquixote

Now I understand the significance of your name.

Excuse me?

Why should take I take 4 on a hole when I probably would have made a 5 or 6? that could mean the difference between a 8 or 9 handicap.

Why not concede the second shot after you have already knocked two balls OB? and go right to the next tee?

[zoid]

Originally Posted by RetroVertigo

This. The heat this summer has helped, but even in the 1st cut you can barely see the ball.

I get laughed at a lot but I lose far fewer balls since I started playing orange balls. Plus it very unlikely I'd hit someone elses ball by mistake.

[denquixote]

Originally Posted by notfrommensa

Excuse me?

Why should take I take 4 on a hole when I probably would have made a 5 or 6? that could mean the difference between a 8 or 9 handicap.

Why not concede the second shot after you have already knocked two balls OB? and go right to the next tee?

Noone, least of all me, is saying anything like that. What seems obvious to me is obviously not obvious to you. I am referring only to situations where both (all)parties are playing gimmes, but some people insist on putting out even though after missing they want the putt given to them. This is so common among people I play with, that I thought it was universal. Frankly if I am playing a match I never concede a putt and prefer to putt everything out, but if someone is crazy enough to concede a putt for the win, I take it.

Maybe the situations you encounter are different; you should think about playing total stroke matches.

I don't know how many sixes you cant take and maintain a 9, but it sounds to me as if you have no trouble maintaining the pacxe of play.

[colonial]

Golf.

Oh boy.

Whadda game that is (game, not sport).

I like golf and stockcar racing so much I think they should be combined.

Some PGA/NASCAR events should take place, simultaneously, on NASCAR tracks, with the pavement serving the golfers as both Fairway and Green (any golfer who sets foot off the pavement gets disqualified). We can use green paint to simulate golf course conditions, and a few little holes on the track shouldn’t bother the driving any. For added excitement half the driving/golfing field can go clockwise, and the other half counterclockwise. And please, none of those wuss caution flags unless someone is seriously hurt, OK?

Other PGA/NASCAR events should take place, simultaneously, on golf courses, with the (previously unpaved, pristine) fairways and greens serving as playing venue for both the Pettys and the Nicklauses of the world (OK, so I haven’t stayed current on who’s who in either sport). The pit stop area will be in the roughs, but any car which breaks down is just going to have to stay put until competition is over. I know this is liable to significantly increase course maintenance costs, but that shouldn’t bother anyone who can afford to belong to one one those PGA-caliber golf clubs.

Attrition us sure to be high among both golfers and racecar drivers, but hey, that way the ones who survive will be the best per natural selection, so the quality of the play should accordingly be greater, and more of a pleasure to watch. It is of course possible that the customers will get bored and go away if they aren't treated to sufficient constant crashes, ambulances and assorted mayhem, but we can wait and see on that note, and enjoy the increased fun in the meantime.

[Zakalwe]

Nice threadshit. Glad to hear you don't like golf and NASCAR. I'm sure whatever "sport" you like is the epitomy of manliness and virtue. God, I wish I could be more like you. I'm sorry I can't be - my good manners keep getting in the way.

[MrDurden]

I'm a big fan of picking up if one would be addressing their ball for the 8th time that hole (maybe 9 for par 5s). It's like come on guys... you're on the green 30 feet away in seven. Just take the snowman and let's not slow pace on the course.