August August minirants!

[cwthree]

Originally Posted by flatlined

Fuck that shit. When I go down, I want the newspaper to say something like "she was wearing a helmet, but couldn't survive meeting the crackhead in the semi-truck."

I actually did see something like that not long ago. A woman was stopped at a traffic light and was struck from behind (idiot car driver was distracted by something she shouldn't have been doing while driving, didn't notice the red light OR the motorcycle in front of her). The rider was thrown several yards and she died from impact injuries. The news report basically said, "She was wearing a helmet, but didn't stand a chance between the impacts with the car and the pavement."

[Zebra]

Speak to me in ENGLISH! DO YOU SPEAK IT MUTHERFUCKER!

[Satchmo]

Originally Posted by Zebra

Speak to me in ENGLISH! DO YOU SPEAK IT MUTHERFUCKER!

What?




Your computer won't boot up? Why did you bring a broken computer to college? You see that line of people you stood in to get here? All they want is help getting on the campus network. I can help each of them in less than 10 minutes. Their computers work. Bring this back in a few days and I can look at it. For now, that wouldn't be fair to the rest.

[Chanteuse]

Originally Posted by Chanteuse

Picked up the Eldest's junior class schedule today, and it is totally FUBARED. Her advisor last year told her there would be NO conflict in taking trade school nursing classes AND choir. When I picked up the schedule, she had morning trade classes and NO CHOIR. Nor is there, apparently any way to fix it so that she can take the trade school in the afternoon. Arbitrarily and without even a phone call to us, they switched her to ART, which she absolutely hates. Now she has to choose which she wants more. She wanted early exposure to the nursing program, but, to her, dropping choir is like giving up air.

I actually received notice about this shortly before I went to the school from the choir director, but had to not mention that fact to prevent his being called on the carpet. The only reason I can figure that they would even be upset about that is because they knew what they were doing and hoped we would just roll over and take it. TOO BAD.

Update: We got it all worked out! She will have to take her required history class online in the school library, but that made it possible to change her other classes around so that she can attend the trade school AND be in choir! Yay for us!

[Yllaria]

Originally Posted by flatlined

. . . At least we still have lots of colanders.

I like this phrase. It has potential.

[Ludovic]

The lingering scent of the fungal cream prescribed by my doctor, combined with the daily sunscreen I just started using, produces old man smell.

[bouv]

Originally Posted by cwthree

However, there's no excuse for what I saw this morning: Guy riding some big-ass bike with a kid (maybe 12 years old) behind him on the passenger seat. No helmet on the boy, no back rest to help him keep his seat, just holding on with his arms around the driver's waist. The boy did have safety glasses on, so - assuming the irresponsible adult doesn't get them both killed - at least he won't get dust in his eyes.

Wait...your state doesn't even have a helmet law for kids?! That's fucked up.

[Cat Whisperer]

Originally Posted by Yllaria

I like this phrase. It has potential.

I need more colanders to keep up around here.

Originally Posted by Ludovic

The lingering scent of the fungal cream prescribed by my doctor, combined with the daily sunscreen I just started using, produces old man smell.

Are you sure it's not your being an old man?

[iftheresaway]

Originally Posted by Ludovic

The lingering scent of the fungal cream prescribed by my doctor, combined with the daily sunscreen I just started using, produces old man smell.

I feel like this is the start to a Great American Novel that I'm not sure I want to read.

[purplehorseshoe]

Originally Posted by flatlined

Back in the day, I was living in Hawaii. One night, I got up to get a drink of water, put my robe one and went to the kitchen. Something started scratching my boob and I looked into my robe to see a BIG FUCKING ROACH holding onto the inside of my robe and reaching those disgusting legs out to touch me...

Police and neighbor's wife showed up, me naked and screaming and neighbor swinging his pipe around. That was not a very fun night.

Well, see now, this is why I just go get my drink o' water nekkid. Although, it does sound like you wound up heading that direction anyway ...

[cwthree]

Originally Posted by bouv

Wait...your state doesn't even have a helmet law for kids?! That's fucked up.

Nope, no helmet laws here at all. Residents are free to scramble their brains at any age, while riding (or being ejected from) their choice of motorized or non-motorized cycle.

[teela brown]

Originally Posted by flatlined

Back in the day, I was living in Hawaii. One night, I got up to get a drink of water, put my robe one and went to the kitchen. Something started scratching my boob and I looked into my robe to see a BIG FUCKING ROACH holding onto the inside of my robe and reaching those disgusting legs out to touch me.

Being the mature and self relient woman that I am, I droped my robe on the floor and started screaming my head off while I was running into other rooms. I kept running into the kitchen to stomp on my robe and that disgusting thing just weezed and got back up.

One of the neighbors came running over with a piece of pipe, knocked on the door and when I opened the door while screaming THERE, THERE, SAVE ME!!! said neighbor ran into my kitchen and the evil roach started flying around and chased him out the door.

Police and neighbor's wife showed up, me naked and screaming and neighbor swinging his pipe around. That was not a very fun night.

At least it wasn't one of these.

[The Vorlon]

Originally Posted by teela brown

At least it wasn't one of these.

I am NOT clicking that link.


no WAY


NO HOW

[The Vorlon]

Todays first world problem:

Went to the MD Friday, and as is his wont, visited the vampires in the lab. Now the inside of my right elbow is ALL colors of the rainbow. Lovely.



Next will come the lecture about needing to have a A1C in single didgets...

[kaylasdad99]

Originally Posted by Ludovic

The lingering scent of the fungal cream prescribed by my doctor, combined with the daily sunscreen I just started using, produces old man smell.

Originally Posted by iftheresaway

I feel like this is the start to a Great American Novel that I'm not sure I want to read.

Actually, it would be a pretty good Bulwer-Lytton entry...

[Chimera]

Originally Posted by The Vorlon

Next will come the lecture about needing to have a A1C in single didgets...

Well, yeah...

[Tess]

Since you have no intention of following through on anything you tell me you'll do, how about you just quit telling me?
I'm not nagging you, so you're not just saying shit to get me to shut up. You have to realize by now I don't believe you, so you're not getting some cheap thrill by fooling me.
You are managing to irritate the hell out of me, since you're letting me know just how little you care about following through on anything.
Seriously, you're ensuring I never again make any effort to help you since I know you'll never keep your end of any bargain.

[Ferret Herder]

Originally Posted by The Vorlon

I am NOT clicking that link.


no WAY


NO HOW

Same here. Especially since a story (Stephen R. Donaldson's "The Conqueror Worm", I believe) about that (and worse) was what led to my goddamned centipede phobia in the first place.

[LavenderBlue]

Citibank, please stop calling my house, stuffing my mailbox and sending me packages. I told you fuckers five times in three months that I am not fucking interested in refinancing my mortgage. Annoying the hell out of a customer is not the way to cultivate a business relationship.

On another note there are no more cherries on the local shelves anymore. By-by summer. You can only come back if you promise not to bring the 100 degree days with you ever again.

[Chimera]

I have been getting 2-4 Barclay's credit card offers per week for five solid months now.

I mean, seriously? You're not getting the clue that I'm not interested in your card? Your marketting people are that completely fucked in the head that they think bombing someone with offers at that frequency is a good plan???

Barclays: I wish bankruptcy and take-over on your ass. Oblivion as your company ceases to exist and it's pieces are taken over by another bank. And never ending unemployment and unhappiness to the marketing database idiots who are running this program. May they never get another job that pays even half as much as they're making now.

[digs]

Originally Posted by Chanteuse

Update: We got it all worked out! She will have to take her required history class online in the school library, but that made it possible to change her other classes around so that she can attend the trade school AND be in choir! Yay for us!

Yay! We had to jump through SO many hoops to do that. I teach at a polytechnic college, and my kid got to come with me two mornings a week and take a film-making class. It was the only way he could finish high school early, and he loved the class. But it was a nightmare.

Long after that semester was over, we were still running forms back and forth to try to get his grades and his credits to count.

[purplehorseshoe]

Originally Posted by teela brown

At least it wasn't one of these.

Are those INCH markers?!?!?!?eleventy?!?!eeeeeek!!!

[Sicks Ate]

Well to begin with, the X fucked me over by cleaning out our bank account and extorting money from me until we reached a child support settlement...which still fucked me. So, in the last year, I have been getting by and am to the point of even getting a second job part-time to get caught up.

I have been trying to text and e-mail her since this weekend, and got no reply. So today I tried to call, and got a voicemail greeting saying she'd be out of phone and e-mail contact for a week. Bell rings in my head..she mentioned getting a passport a couple months ago.

First of all, goddammit, if you're going to be out of communication for a week, you dumb bitch, don't you want to let me KNOW? And give me SOME way to contact you if, I donno, there's an emergency with our son?

Second, while I am just getting by, this is the third fucking vacation she has taken in the last year. Makes me really glad that the thousands of dollars I gave her because I was afraid of her are paying off in giving her plenty of fucking spending money.

Fuck.

[aruvqan]

Originally Posted by purplehorseshoe

Are those INCH markers?!?!?!?eleventy?!?!eeeeeek!!!

Note to self, Hawaii doesn't sound that interesting right now ...

[Ludovic]

I am soooooooooo effing hungry. I've been trying to cut down my cholesterol/related stuff by not eating out, only having one Mountain Dew a day, and only having meat once a day. I'm not trying to eat less otherwise. But 7 days into it, my body is telling me I'm starving no matter how much cereal and fruits and veggies I stuff in, plus I have a lingering feeling in my sinuses like I need to spit.

(That's most likely related to diet, as the last time I felt like that was when I tried to cut down on caffiene by switching to Caffiene Free Coke (with sugar!) which resulted in my consuming the same amount of Mountain Dew -- plus a lot of Coke as well!)

[purplehorseshoe]

Maybe you need some additional sources of lean protein for your non-meat meals? Nuts, eggs, dairy, that sort of thing ... ?

[Tess]

Originally Posted by purplehorseshoe

Are those INCH markers?!?!?!?eleventy?!?!eeeeeek!!!

Part of me says to go ahead an click, because it can't possibly be as bad as I'm picturing.

The louder part of me says in certainly can be.

[AlienVessels]

Originally Posted by Tess

Part of me says to go ahead an click, because it can't possibly be as bad as I'm picturing.

The louder part of me says in certainly can be.

Had something very like that crawl up my leg under my jeans when I was a kid mowing a lawn. Felt an itch, trapped what I realized was a centipede against my leg and then instantly went into xtreme hokey-pokey mode. Managed to shake it into the grass and from then on the jeans legs got tucked into the socks when mowing.

Scarier though was one of these http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/7...2005%20046.jpg (Japanese house centipede) crawling on the outside of our house. The whole neighborhood turned out because it was the length of an adult's forearm.

I'd pit em but they'd just climb out.

[Chimera]

Kill those things with FIRE.

Two left turn lanes. 1 block after the turn, the road splits, with the left lane turning left and the right lane going straight. Often a bit of a problem after the turn because people figure out they're in the wrong lane.

Not today. Light turns green. Jackass in the first car in the rightmost turn lane decides then and there that he's in the wrong lane, and simply turns to look over his shoulder attempting to wait for the entire backed up beyond the back of both turn lanes left lane to clear so he can turn into that lane.

The light isn't that long.

He goes through the red.

The car behind him goes 'fuck it' and goes too.

I'm the third motherfucking car and I don't make it through a green light because some jackass had to sit there through the entire fucking green light, looking over his shoulder.

'Beaten bloody with large sticks' would be a light punishment for that kind of jackassery.

[Kimstu]

Originally Posted by AlienVessels

Felt an itch, trapped what I realized was a centipede against my leg and then instantly went into xtreme hokey-pokey mode.

Don't really know why but I just spent 30 seconds laughing so hard at that I became bright red and unable to breathe. Thank you!

[Kolga]

Mini-est of minirants and most definitely a First World Problem.

I wrote a book with a co-author. Publication date was last week. My co-author has her author's copies, and is enjoying them.

I do not have my copies. I bought a house and moved, and they are being forwarded from the old address.

But they are not here yet.

WHERE ARE MY DAMN AUTHOR'S COPIES OF MY BOOK YO?!?!?!? I want to physically SEE the book I wrote!

[Cat Whisperer]

Originally Posted by Chimera

<snip>

I'm the third motherfucking car and I don't make it through a green light because some jackass had to sit there through the entire fucking green light, looking over his shoulder.

'Beaten bloody with large sticks' would be a light punishment for that kind of jackassery.

Both the dumbass who sits through an advanced green because they're texting and the dumbass behind them who doesn't honk after a very short time need to beaten with large sticks.

[Cat Whisperer]

Fuck. My fucking gynecologist's office has fucked up my concert in November that I bought tickets for months ago. And I can't try to sell the tickets because there's still a good chance my surgery will get bumped because it's elective, so if Murphy's Law is in effect, the surgery will go ahead and we'll lose the money for the tickets, or we'll be able to see the concert and my surgery will wait another fucking month. Fuck.

[Filbert]

Shitshitshit!

I just checked my email, and there's one there asking if I want to come to a job interview- well, yes! I do! I'm desperate for a sodding job! But it's for today, at 2.30- and it's after 1pm, and I'm over half an hour's drive away, not sure where it is (I know which small town, but nothing else)- wearing sweaty muddy gardening clothes, and suffering from the effects of 3 hours sleep and bad period pains, and basically there's no way in hell I could make it there being a) on time and b) human enough to be worth interviewing.

And yeah, WTF guys? Less than 24 hours notice for an interview?? Checking the time sigs, he sent that less than 20 minutes after I sent in the application- and about 10 minutes after I would have logged out of my email account. I don't think it's that unreasonable to not check a personal email account more than once a day, is it? AAAaaaaaaaahh....

[bouv]

No, Larry's not here, this is MY phone, not Larry's.

Yes, I understand this number may at one time have belonged to someone named Larry, but no longer. It's MY number now.

Also, fuck you Larry for being such a deadbeat you get calls from creditors almost every day.

[FatBaldGuy]

Originally Posted by Cat Whisperer

Fuck. My fucking gynecologist's office has fucked up my concert in November that I bought tickets for months ago. And I can't try to sell the tickets because there's still a good chance my surgery will get bumped because it's elective, so if Murphy's Law is in effect, the surgery will go ahead and we'll lose the money for the tickets, or we'll be able to see the concert and my surgery will wait another fucking month. Fuck.

You have no say in scheduling your own surgery? You can't say, "Sorry, that date won't work for me."?

[Lynn Bodoni]

Originally Posted by bouv

No, Larry's not here, this is MY phone, not Larry's.

Yes, I understand this number may at one time have belonged to someone named Larry, but no longer. It's MY number now.

Also, fuck you Larry for being such a deadbeat you get calls from creditors almost every day.

The guy who had my cell number before I got it was a deadbeat, too. His hobby was apparently filling out sweepstakes entry forms. So I got a lot of people looking for him (or at least his money) who wouldn't believe that I had no idea who he is and where he is now. I also get a lot of people who want him and me to attend a meeting to collect our prize, where we can learn about this fantastic time share opportunity.

Originally Posted by FatBaldGuy

You have no say in scheduling your own surgery? You can't say, "Sorry, that date won't work for me."?

If there are A number of surgery slots open, and A x 2 patients who want or need that surgery, then when a slot opens up, the wise patient will take it, even if it's inconvenient. Because there's no telling when the next slot will come along. Since it's a gyno surgery, there's every chance that the doctor might be delivering a baby with complications, to add in even more fun to the calculations.

[olivesmarch4th]

Originally Posted by Cat Whisperer

Both the dumbass who sits through an advanced green because they're texting and the dumbass behind them who doesn't honk after a very short time need to beaten with large sticks.

Leaving Philly the other day, I was in the right lane waiting to turn right at a red light, and some fucker in a big ass trailer truck drives around me, stops directly to my left, thus obstructing my view, and then makes the right turn I'm waiting to make by cutting me off and turning in front of me. I FUCKING HATE DRIVING IN PHLADELPHIA.
It's the one terrible thing about an otherwise lovely city.

I don't have enough energy to yell about my current annoyance, which is I have no energy. I get Wendesdays off and have all these big plans of productivity, but then Wednesday arrives and I basically sleep through it, in an attempt to recover from the first two days of the week. I do pretty well until about the 9th hour of my shift and then my brain shuts down just in time for me to enjoy my 1.5 hour drive home. It doesn't seem that bad at the time, but the next day I've got nothing left.

[Cat Whisperer]

Originally Posted by Lynn Bodoni

<snip>
If there are A number of surgery slots open, and A x 2 patients who want or need that surgery, then when a slot opens up, the wise patient will take it, even if it's inconvenient. Because there's no telling when the next slot will come along. Since it's a gyno surgery, there's every chance that the doctor might be delivering a baby with complications, to add in even more fun to the calculations.

That's pretty much it - you take the slot they give you or wait and wait and wait... Since getting my tubes tied is more important to me than the concert, I choose surgery, but I'm still not thrilled about the conflict - we go to a couple of concerts a year, I have surgery once every ten years (if that), and of course Murphy's Law is messing with me.

olives, that driving story is a big ole WTF?? We've seen stuff like that occasionally, too, and it always blows my mind that someone thinks that is an acceptable way to drive.

[SnakesCatLady]

Originally Posted by Cat Whisperer

AHHH, my frigging legs! I get the occasional bout of restless legs, and they're jumping like frogs tonight. I hate that.

Are the mods all on vacation tonight? We've got a nonsense thread that while fun is something that usually gets mercy-killed pretty quickly, and an IMHO thread that's full of personal insults. It's a free-for-all, guys! Get yer rule-breaking on!

There are good meds for that! I used to take Mirapex, but it's really expensive and now I'm on the generic. Somehow, the generic doesn't seem to give me the wonderful weird dreams Mirapex did. (My personal favorite was the one where I was in my back yard feeding one of the hockey players to a plant.)

Talk to your doctor about this. If you only have RLS occasionally, that's ok, it's not something that has to build up in your system. It seems to take about an hour for it to kick in for me.

[SnakesCatLady]

Centipedes.

*shudder*

My first experience with those demon-spawned creatures happened shortly after we moved into military housing on Oahu. Mr SCL was upstairs asleep when I saw the cats messing with s newspaper on the floor. Out crawled/slithered a 10 inch centipede.

I had already been warned about the little bastards. They are hard to kill and had been known to survive oven cleaner and concrete blocks. Bug spray? They laugh at it.

There is one on the floor at my feet. What to do?

I stood on the sofa and screamed until Mr SCL woke up and came downstairs.

Sealing them in an airtight jar for a day or two does kill them.

[Cat Whisperer]

Originally Posted by SnakesCatLady

There are good meds for that! I used to take Mirapex, but it's really expensive and now I'm on the generic. Somehow, the generic doesn't seem to give me the wonderful weird dreams Mirapex did. (My personal favorite was the one where I was in my back yard feeding one of the hockey players to a plant.)

Talk to your doctor about this. If you only have RLS occasionally, that's ok, it's not something that has to build up in your system. It seems to take about an hour for it to kick in for me.

That's interesting - I had just assumed that all meds were daily ones, and since I only get the restless legs occasionally, I didn't want to take a pill every day for it. Taking a vitamin C pill does seem to calm them down when I remember to take one, too.

[Sicks Ate]

Originally Posted by SnakesCatLady

Centipedes.

*shudder*

My first experience with those demon-spawned creatures happened shortly after we moved into military housing on Oahu. Mr SCL was upstairs asleep when I saw the cats messing with s newspaper on the floor. Out crawled/slithered a 10 inch centipede.

I had already been warned about the little bastards. They are hard to kill and had been known to survive oven cleaner and concrete blocks. Bug spray? They laugh at it.

There is one on the floor at my feet. What to do?

I stood on the sofa and screamed until Mr SCL woke up and came downstairs.

Sealing them in an airtight jar for a day or two does kill them.

Oooh, centipedes are gross. When I was still new to Hawaii, we were on a field ex and I nestled down in a spot under a tree, in a pile of pine needles. My platoon Sgt. walked by and said 'Good position, Ate. That's where the centipedes live.' and strolled away. I moved.

Got back from vacation back to the mainland and found a foot-long centipede laying dead in the middle of the living room. I never saw a live one that long, but it would be a thing of nightmares.

Speaking of nightmares, which is why I stopped in...

I hate having a dream about somebody I'm not attracted to, in which theyare naked, and then running in to them the next day. This could be awkward for a week until it wears off.

[Ferret Herder]

Dear pickup truck with the "Please do not tailgate" bumper sticker: It's awful hard to follow that when we try to pass you, you speed up, and then slow down again when we fall in behind you. Kindly go fuck yourself.

[perfectparanoia]

Originally Posted by Sicks Ate

I hate having a dream about somebody I'm not attracted to, in which theyare naked, and then running in to them the next day. This could be awkward for a week until it wears off.

I get worse ones where it is a coworker that I am attracted to (not that I would act on it). I am sure I blush for a few days around them.

[Cat Whisperer]

Originally Posted by Ferret Herder

Dear pickup truck with the "Please do not tailgate" bumper sticker: It's awful hard to follow that when we try to pass you, you speed up, and then slow down again when we fall in behind you. Kindly go fuck yourself.

Heh - we were driving behind a car with a bumper sticker about not tailgating the other day - they were driving about 10 km under the residential speed limit (which is 50 kph). I think I might know why everyone is always tailgating you - you drive too fucking slow!

[Chimera]

Originally Posted by Ferret Herder

Dear pickup truck with the "Please do not tailgate" bumper sticker: It's awful hard to follow that when we try to pass you, you speed up, and then slow down again when we fall in behind you. Kindly go fuck yourself.

I like that my new(ish) car has so much get up and go. A few months back I was driving up a county road behind a guy doing 52 in a 55. I was just getting ready to pass him when we went around a curve into a winding 'no passing' zone several miles long. Asshole slowed to 45 (in a 55) the entire way. One we got to where I could pass him, he sped up to about 63.

NO WAY.

I blew past him. Pulled over in front of him.
Slowed and set my cruise control at 56.
Fucker tailgated me the next 10 miles.

If he'd have tried to pass me, and I've done this before, I'll speed up to whatever speed I need to in order to prevent it.

Hey, I'm driving the speed limit.
You're the asshole who deliberately drove 10mph under the speed limit when I was behind you and couldn't pass, and then sped up to 8mph over it in order to prevent me from passing when I had the chance.

[Ferret Herder]

Geez, another one - stuck in a construction zone, semi truck in the right lane locked in at 55 mph (posted construction zone speed), car in the left lane located immediately behind the truck and quite possibly in the blind spot... and not passing or even budging. At all. We're behind the left-lane-blocker. An impatient driver comes up on our right and tailgates the truck hard, hoping the blocker will slip back a little, but no joy.

After a couple miles like this, the truck finally takes an offramp - and the lane blocker immediately hits the gas.

[LavenderBlue]

Next time? Give baby cantaloupe and THEN bath instead of the other way around.

[Flutterby]

Apparently my car really IS invisible. Yesterday morning on my way to work someone tried to change lanes right into me! Thankfully no one was in the lane next to me (the turn lane).

I don't know what he was thinking because I had to get behind him right away anyway due to a cop having pulled a car over and they blocked the lane I was in. So if he'd gotten into my lane he would have had to get back out of it immediately anyway (and he kept going straight, with the only way straight being the on ramp to the Deerfoot).