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  #1  
Old 12-07-2012, 06:57 AM
TokyoBayer TokyoBayer is online now
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"Say dammit, Daddy," A Preschooler's Knows When To Swear

I'm only sort of late getting our Christmas tree up. Considering all what's happening, it's not bad.

I get the tree out of the box and start to put it together. And drop something. My four-year-old, Beta-chan, looks up and says "Say dammit, Daddy." Except it's "dannit" so I'm not quite sure what she means. I give her an enquiringly look and she says, "You dropped it, so say 'dannit.'"

Ah, yes. One must swear when one drops things. At least Grandma wasn't there to overhear.

Last edited by TokyoBayer; 12-07-2012 at 06:57 AM..
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  #2  
Old 12-07-2012, 07:09 AM
leahcim leahcim is online now
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A colleague of mine had an adorable three-year-old daughter who learned, from Daddy, that when you trip you say "puta" (the family is Spanish-speaking). I thought it was hilarious. Mommy did not.
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  #3  
Old 12-07-2012, 09:37 AM
Loach Loach is offline
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My friend's daughter calls other kids "grass mole" when they do things she doesn't like.
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  #4  
Old 12-07-2012, 09:43 AM
TriPolar TriPolar is online now
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I made sure to teach my kids how to curse properly. I didn't want them picking it up on a street corner.
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  #5  
Old 12-07-2012, 11:27 AM
thatguyjeff thatguyjeff is offline
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I curse way too much around my kids and I'm surprised that they haven't picked it up themselves.

The 7 yo knows what's up. And he's really good about not swearing. The 2 yo - still too young to understand. She mimics me sometimes, but not all that often.
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  #6  
Old 12-07-2012, 03:29 PM
Maus Magill Maus Magill is offline
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When Fang was three, he had a toy work bench. He would bang on the nails and shout, "Crap!"

<bang> <bang> <bang> Crap!
<bang> <bang> <bang> Crap!
<bang> <bang> <bang> Crap!

He mother and I still chuckle about it.
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  #7  
Old 12-07-2012, 03:34 PM
Amateur Barbarian Amateur Barbarian is offline
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I recall my younger sister playing in the sandbox at about 3. Her castle fell over. In the sweetest My-Little-Pony voice imaginable came, "Oh, shit." Perfect cadence and inflection. My dad got to practice his poker face on that one.

Then, of course, there's the old joke where the mother drives the little kids to school one day, something the father usually does. After a few minutes, one pipes up, "Mommy, where are all the sunsabitches that are on the road when daddy drives?"

Last edited by Amateur Barbarian; 12-07-2012 at 03:36 PM..
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  #8  
Old 12-07-2012, 03:35 PM
Yllaria Yllaria is offline
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There's a story claiming that a friend of a friend's kid was five before he figured out that the think that Mommy used a lot was really called a sewing machine and not whore.
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  #9  
Old 12-07-2012, 03:39 PM
April R April R is offline
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My son says "Oh Shoot Nuggets!" when he is frustrated about something. He's 5. I think it's cute. Him and his twin sister started saying "Oh My Gawd" a while back and we told them we didn't like them saying that, so they can say "Oh my Gosh" They said they would say "Oh Motherbear!" instead. They got that one from their dad, LOL.
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  #10  
Old 12-07-2012, 03:49 PM
FatBaldGuy FatBaldGuy is offline
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My wife is fond of saying that she was 12 years old before she realized that her father's first name was not "Dammit George."
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  #11  
Old 12-07-2012, 05:04 PM
Sahirrnee Sahirrnee is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Yllaria View Post
There's a story claiming that a friend of a friend's kid was five before he figured out that the think that Mommy used a lot was really called a sewing machine and not whore.
My mother had to correct me before I started school because I thought they were called 'damnflies'.

When my sister was little she would get mad and say oh h-i-t. She thought she was spelling shit. My mother forgot to correct that before my sister started school.
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  #12  
Old 12-07-2012, 05:27 PM
TokyoBayer TokyoBayer is online now
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At four, Beta-chan is starting to put the world together better and better. We can talk loudly in the park but not the restaurant. We need to wash hands because there are germs and we don't like germs because they make us sick.

She doesn't always follow it, but the world is getting logical.

So if you drop something, you need to say "Dannit." Makes sense to me.
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  #13  
Old 12-07-2012, 06:35 PM
ducati ducati is offline
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Yeah, but have any of you been notified by your daycare that your 6yo daughter called someone a motherfucker?

Straightfaced, I asked if she used it correctly, while mom just buried her face in her hands.
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  #14  
Old 12-07-2012, 07:01 PM
Eureka Eureka is offline
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A friend of mine had an eight-year-old who had a class fieldtrip to Safety City--where the kids get to "drive" around and obey traffic lights.

Child got at least one cooling off period, "added" a horn to her vehicle, and said a number of amusing and generally not quite profane things --"the light isn't getting any greener, lady".

Teacher tells friend, trying not to laugh. Friend says "I'll have to talk to my husband about that"--trying hard to imply that the husband was the impatient driver in the family.

Teacher "Oh, does daddy have a New Yawk accent, too?"

Um, No. Mom's busted.

Same friend's younger son figured out the perfect cussword--Jackhole. You see, you take the front half of jackass and add it to the back half of asshole, and there are no actual cusswords, so you won't get in trouble for saying it.

He was quickly disabused of this notion. Mom's allowed to cuss, the kids aren't.
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  #15  
Old 12-07-2012, 07:08 PM
Maserschmidt Maserschmidt is online now
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When my son was three he got in my truck and said "this place is a fucking mess!" I wish I could blame someone else for that one.
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  #16  
Old 12-07-2012, 08:27 PM
Dr. Girlfriend Dr. Girlfriend is offline
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My mom was babysitting my four-year-old niece. Niece wanted sausage for breakfast but Mom didn't have any.

Niece lets out a dramatic sigh and says, "No sausage? Dammit!"

Mom's trying not to laugh. Mom says, "Only grownups can say dammit."

Niece: "No dammit?"

Mom: "No, no dammit 'til you're older."

Niece: (another dramatic sigh) "OK..."
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  #17  
Old 12-08-2012, 05:54 PM
OldGuy OldGuy is offline
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When our son was born we lived in Chicago. We visited his grandmother in Wisconsin quite a bit. We moved to Connecticut coast when he was five where the winters are quite a bit milder. He informed his classmates that winter wasn't "freezin' ass cold" like back at his old home.
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  #18  
Old 12-10-2012, 08:40 AM
phouka phouka is offline
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Family story, at least four generations old now, of an adorable little girl who often wandered over to a nearby construction site. The workers there made a pet of her, and she ran small errands for them. The foreman even cut her a very small check, which she and her mother took to the bank to deposit for her.

The teller struck up a conversation with the little girl.

"You must be a big help."
"Oh, I am!"
"Do you think they'll finished the building soon?"
"Sure! As soon as they get the fucking bricks!"
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  #19  
Old 12-10-2012, 05:45 PM
Guinastasia Guinastasia is offline
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I'll never forget the Christmas Eve when my two-year-old cousin spilled her drink and said, "Aw thit!"


And I never heard my dad say "dammit!" when he was putting up the Christmas tree. It was more like, "Motherfucking piece of shit! Why won't this fucking thing stay up, dammit!"

Of course, when I repeated what he said, I got my mouth washed out with soap.

Last edited by Guinastasia; 12-10-2012 at 05:46 PM..
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  #20  
Old 12-10-2012, 07:34 PM
Spiderman Spiderman is offline
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My cousin was in the backseat of the car & said, "Damburs, look at the damburs". Trouble is no one could figure out what damburs were. Eventually realized they were those things that you might feed some seed in the back yard, fly in the sky & oh, yeah, crap on your car.
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  #21  
Old 12-10-2012, 08:07 PM
Mama Zappa Mama Zappa is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TokyoBayer View Post
I'm only sort of late getting our Christmas tree up. Considering all what's happening, it's not bad.

I get the tree out of the box and start to put it together. And drop something. My four-year-old, Beta-chan, looks up and says "Say dammit, Daddy." Except it's "dannit" so I'm not quite sure what she means. I give her an enquiringly look and she says, "You dropped it, so say 'dannit.'"

Ah, yes. One must swear when one drops things. At least Grandma wasn't there to overhear.
:::snicker:::

Back when Dweezil was a toddler, he was very good at picking up vocabulary and using it appropriately. So we were forced to make a very concerted effort to retrain ourselves.

One day, I was carrying something upstairs, and it was precariously perched on a pile of other stuff I was carrying, and I sorta *knew* it was doing to fall. When it did, I restrained myself and managed to keep it to "golly" or something like that.

Dweezil, very helpfully, chimed in with "Gah Damit".
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  #22  
Old 12-10-2012, 08:09 PM
Battle Pope Battle Pope is online now
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My wife & I tend to use different curse words, so we know who gets the blame when one of the boys repeats something.

When mini-Pope #1 was about 2 1/2 he was sitting in the corner trying to put do a puzzle and, with ever mounting frustration, I heard "Dammit, bastard thing" - so that one was mine.

Last edited by Battle Pope; 12-10-2012 at 08:09 PM..
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  #23  
Old 12-11-2012, 04:55 AM
furdmort furdmort is offline
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My wife is German (we life in Germany) and I am American. I speak English with the kids and she speaks German with the kids. It is always obvious where the kids get their cuss words...


When our daughter was about three, my wife was asking her the names of various things in English. That is, my wife would ask (in German) my daughter to say the English word for some common things in the house. When they got to our cat, my wife says (in German) "And what is katze in English?" to which my daughter replied "Stupid hairball." With a perfect american accent.
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  #24  
Old 12-11-2012, 07:59 AM
Mama Zappa Mama Zappa is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FatBaldGuy View Post
My wife is fond of saying that she was 12 years old before she realized that her father's first name was not "Dammit George."
Famous Bill Cosby routine - he thought his name was "Jeeeeee-zus Christ!" because every time his father saw him he'd yell that. "My brother Russell thought his name was Dammit!".

One day his father saw him, yelled "Dammit, get over here!". "No dad, I'm Jesus Christ".

"I don't remember much of the rest of that day".
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  #25  
Old 12-11-2012, 09:15 AM
Mona Lisa Simpson Mona Lisa Simpson is offline
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Since we moved to Vancouver this last year we have become consumers of public transportation. My son wanted to pull the bell on the bus, so I told him I would tell him when we could ring the bell.

A block and a half from our stop I said "Ding it"

M looks at me. "Ding it!"

Another stare, and a glancing around. "Ding the bell!"

"Oh. I Didnt know you meant for me to pull the cord! I thought you were pretend swearing!"




"Ding it!" has now entered our family lexicon.
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  #26  
Old 12-11-2012, 10:05 AM
Soylent Juicy Soylent Juicy is offline
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When my friend's daughter was about 3 she asked for some milk.

Friend: "Sorry, honey, we're out of milk - would you like some juice instead?"

Friend's kid: "For fuck's sake."

Friend: "WHAT did you say?!!"

Friend's kid, in that adorable little-girl voice: "I say fuck's sake?"

Friend: "No, no you do not say that....."
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  #27  
Old 12-12-2012, 01:10 PM
Irishman Irishman is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Yllaria View Post
There's a story claiming that a friend of a friend's kid was five before he figured out that the think that Mommy used a lot was really called a sewing machine and not whore.
I'm not sure I follow the etymology.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Eureka View Post
Same friend's younger son figured out the perfect cussword--Jackhole. You see, you take the front half of jackass and add it to the back half of asshole, and there are no actual cusswords, so you won't get in trouble for saying it.
I kinda got annoyed with that commercial about the drill sargeant therapist who calls his patient a "jackwagon". It's one of those words that sounds kinda like a dirty word but isn't really anything. But my nephew picked it up, probably because his father found that commercial funny. So he'd go around repeating that line from the commercial. *sigh* Not horrible, just tiring.
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  #28  
Old 12-12-2012, 01:19 PM
TriPolar TriPolar is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Irishman View Post
I'm not sure I follow the etymology.
I assumed that's what she shouted at the sewing machine. If not, I'm not getting it either.
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  #29  
Old 12-12-2012, 03:37 PM
gnoitall gnoitall is offline
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The joys of parenthood.

I was shocked, appalled, and thrilled to hear my then-two-year-old son sigh, shake his head, and mutter "Shit..." when he made a mistake (in his opinion) coloring his coloring book.

Idiomatic, semantically-correct use of a conditional interjection? At the age of two! What a kid!

(On reflection, it turns out that this particular style of swearing is more his mother's... particularly the sigh and head-shaking.)
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  #30  
Old 12-12-2012, 05:01 PM
Yllaria Yllaria is offline
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Originally Posted by TriPolar View Post
I assumed that's what she shouted at the sewing machine. If not, I'm not getting it either.
Probably with a you in front of it: "You whore!" Mommy was into medieval costuming. Regular sewing machines aren't really made to handle some costuming needs.
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  #31  
Old 12-12-2012, 08:28 PM
Toxgoddess Toxgoddess is offline
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My darling three-year-old daughter, playing with her Fisher Price cars on the living room floor. Talking to herself, pretending to be the drivers, "Go, you asshole. Get going, you moron."

Daddy worked nights then, and he tended to be an impatient driver when there were other cars on the road.
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  #32  
Old 12-13-2012, 06:12 AM
Yoyodyne Propulsion Systems Yoyodyne Propulsion Systems is offline
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My neighbors some years back had their four year old in Sunday school at a Southern Baptist church, she got up mid class to go to the drinking fountain, teacher asked where she was headed. The reply was "going out back for a smoke and a beer"

Hello parent teacher conference...
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  #33  
Old 12-13-2012, 09:53 AM
DirkGntly DirkGntly is offline
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My son, at age three, when asked by his mother where I was, replied, "He's on the damn couch." Perfect inflection, and everything. I didn't stay on the couch long after that...

My daughter, when she was in 2nd grade at a parochial school, was called in for saying, "Move your butt out of my way." We were called in, too. They told us they would prefer that she didn't use the word, "butt." I said, "Well, it's a shortened form of the proper word, 'buttocks' - would you prefer she'd used a vulgarity like, 'ass' instead?" The looks on their faces were priceless.
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  #34  
Old 12-13-2012, 12:25 PM
ekedolphin ekedolphin is offline
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Thanks to the bad influence of a couple of my friends, I went from not swearing at all to being quite vulgar in a very short span of time, culminating with the time when one of those said friends screwed me over and I left a profanity-filled "fuck off" message on his answering machine.

His mother called my uncle, who was babysitting me at the time, and replayed the entire message for him. Oops.

I was much older than preschool, though. Say, age ten or so.

Last edited by ekedolphin; 12-13-2012 at 12:26 PM..
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  #35  
Old 12-13-2012, 02:42 PM
the Lady the Lady is offline
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I have a three year old who quite often whips out the "Jesus Christ!" when something doesn't go his way - though his father has tried to limit the damage somewhat by insisting it's "cheese and rice!"

And one of the teachers at daycare was furious with my two year old, darling girl who would say "whatever" with exactly the right intonation, in exactly the right circumstances. What was even funnier was when the teacher "tattled" to the head of the daycare (seriously, who does that?) the head was like "oh yeah - she's been doing that since she was 15 months old" Snicker. Bad Daddy.
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  #36  
Old 12-13-2012, 02:52 PM
cher3 cher3 is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by the Lady View Post
I have a three year old who quite often whips out the "Jesus Christ!" when something doesn't go his way - though his father has tried to limit the damage somewhat by insisting it's "cheese and rice!"
When my daughter was about a year and a half old she had a babysitter who was an older, overweight, and somewhat arthritic Portuguese woman. Once, when my daughter plopped down on the floor to play with some toys at home, she gave a big sigh and said "Ay! Jesus!" with a perfect Portuguese accent. (Zhe-zoosh!)

Last edited by cher3; 12-13-2012 at 02:53 PM..
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  #37  
Old 12-13-2012, 10:13 PM
Big Fat Harry Deal Big Fat Harry Deal is offline
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Once when my niece was about three, she was showing me her little plastic people, and held up two of them together, exclaiming "look, the man kiss the other man's ass!" She'd been listening to her dad way too much.
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  #38  
Old 12-14-2012, 06:07 PM
sbunny8 sbunny8 is offline
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When I was in college, I was at a professor's house and I tried to say something about a cute figurine "sitting on a shelf" but it came out of my mouth "shitting on itself". His two young toddler daughters were standing right there and heard me say it. I decided to pretend the whole thing never happened.
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  #39  
Old 12-14-2012, 07:36 PM
Noodles Fellicini Noodles Fellicini is offline
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My niece (let's call her) Laurie, at approximately four years of age, was an adorable little child with red ringlets and a dimpled grin. Her equally adorable sister (um) Shelly, was a year younger, and the family had two new dachshund puppies.

Things were a little hectic as my sister was wrangling with bath time. Both kids had been taken out of the tub and dried off, but then Shelly had a little "accident". One of the puppies running around the bathroom had also had an "accident" and it finally got to be a bit much for my sister. She was kneeling, tending to Shelly, and quietly began to cry. Laurie patted her on the back and said, ever so solicitously, "That's okay Momma, you're having a bad fuckin' day."
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  #40  
Old 12-17-2012, 01:55 PM
SandyHook SandyHook is offline
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About thirty years ago I was at a friend's house. His two year old daughter looked out the window to see Ms Hook parking my truck out front. She pointed and informed her father, "SandyHook's fuck."

My friend, who's only been known to use damn, or bullshit a couple of times in the thirty-five years I've know him, was a little embarrassed and quickly informed me that they were working on her t's.

I pointed out that she could have been pointing at Ms Hook.

My friend, who's always been extremely supportive of his children, jumped on that and said, "Good, Ann, that's very good."
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  #41  
Old 12-17-2012, 03:09 PM
cwthree cwthree is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SandyHook View Post
About thirty years ago I was at a friend's house. His two year old daughter looked out the window to see Ms Hook parking my truck out front. She pointed and informed her father, "SandyHook's fuck."

My friend, who's only been known to use damn, or bullshit a couple of times in the thirty-five years I've know him, was a little embarrassed and quickly informed me that they were working on her t's.

I pointed out that she could have been pointing at Ms Hook.

My friend, who's always been extremely supportive of his children, jumped on that and said, "Good, Ann, that's very good."
Which reminds me of WordMan's wonderful incident here.
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  #42  
Old 12-17-2012, 03:54 PM
Battle Pope Battle Pope is online now
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My then 3 year-old nephew loved a character called Plucka Duck.

I was out shopping with him & my sister one Christmas and a nice elderly lady running the checkout spotted his Pluka Duck T-shirt and asked him who he wanted to be when he grew up.

Of course he yelled "Fuck a Duck" in that carrying way that only an exited child can manage.

Last edited by Battle Pope; 12-17-2012 at 03:55 PM..
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  #43  
Old 12-17-2012, 05:13 PM
TokyoBayer TokyoBayer is online now
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This came up again yesterday. So I asked her what "dammit" means. With all the seriousness of a four-year-old, she said, "you dropped something."

Good thing we don't drive much over here so she'd learn more vocabulary words.
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  #44  
Old 12-21-2012, 09:35 PM
Pine Fresh Scent Pine Fresh Scent is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mama Zappa View Post
Famous Bill Cosby routine - he thought his name was "Jeeeeee-zus Christ!" because every time his father saw him he'd yell that. "My brother Russell thought his name was Dammit!".

One day his father saw him, yelled "Dammit, get over here!". "No dad, I'm Jesus Christ".

"I don't remember much of the rest of that day".
"So we moved to a new neighborhood and the kids asked me, they said 'What's your name?'
'I'm Jesus Christ.'
'Your name ain't no Jesus Christ.'
'Come to my house, I'll prove it.'
So they followed me home, and my dad walked into the living room. There were forty kids hanging out in the living room.
'Jeeeeee-zus Christ!'"
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  #45  
Old 12-23-2012, 10:47 AM
Hal Briston Hal Briston is online now
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The Littest Briston sounds off on the topic...
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  #46  
Old 12-23-2012, 12:08 PM
terentii terentii is offline
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I had my 14-month-old daughter with me for a long weekend (she was just starting to talk, but was normally very, very quiet).

I carried her into the kitchen on Friday morning, only to find that the fridge had shut itself off during the night and the floor was flooded with melted ice water. Very loudly, I said "Goddammit!"

Sunday afternoon, I took her back to her mom's after attending church. We were sitting in the living room chatting while she ran around playing. Finally, she took a huge leap through the air and shouted "GODDAMMIT!"

Loudly, with absolutely perfect diction and intonation. You'd have sworn there was another adult in the room.

I was shocked (open-mouthed); her mom thought it was really funny and couldn't stop laughing.

The baby laughed too, though she wasn't quite sure why she should. I think she was proud of herself for having learned a new word.

I can't help thinking it would have been 1,000 times funnier if she had shouted it in church....

Last edited by terentii; 12-23-2012 at 12:11 PM..
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