"It's colder than _________."

[betenoir]

Originally Posted by Jake

"Colder than a whore's heart."

Wait a minute. What are you implying about Johnny L.A?

[betenoir]

Originally Posted by Chanteuse

"Spring has sprung,
And fall has fell.
Winter is here
And it's colder than usual."

Winter is icummen in,/ Lhude sing Goddamm,/ Raineth drop and staineth slop,/ And how the wind doth ramm!/ Sing: Goddamm.

Skiddeth bus and sloppeth us,/ An ague hath my ham./ Freezeth river, turneth liver,/ Damn you, sing: Goddamm./ Goddamm, Goddamn, ‘tis why I am, Goddamm/ So ‘gainst the winter’s balm./ Sing, goddamm, damm, sing Goddamm./ Sing goddamm, sing goddamm, DAMN

[Beware of Doug]

Originally Posted by ElvisL1ves

It's so cold, down on the street corner I saw a politician with his hands in his OWN pockets.

That joke is so old Bob Hope told it during the war. The first war.

[Johnny L.A.]

Originally Posted by betenoir

Wait a minute. What are you implying about Johnny L.A?

I'm not a whore!

I'd do it free.

[Northern Piper]

"Cold enough to see a dog's fart."

(This is actually a real one - i've seen it, while walking my dog in -30 weather and waiting for her to get it done.)

[5que]

Originally Posted by Northern Piper

"Cold enough to see a dog's fart."

(This is actually a real one - i've seen it, while walking my dog in -30 weather and waiting for her to get it done.)

Okay, now I'm really being serious -- this is something I have thought about for a couple of years. When it's real cold outside and you fart, does steam come out your ass? As I get older, I seem to get a lot gassier, and it does become a concern on the cold Chicago mornings walking from the train station to work. In the summer I can sneak a few out crossing Wacker, but in the winter I'm afraid I will be spotted.

[Clock]

Originally Posted by yellowval

I've always heard it as "Colder than a witch's titty on a brass broomstick." Why she'd put her tit on a brass broomstick, I've no idea.

Have to confess not having heard the witches tit/colder than here in England.

However........we do say "Flatter than a witches tit" when referring to crap beer

[matt_mcl]

There's an excellent phrase book of the Canadian Prairies called Cold as a Bay Street Banker's Heart.

It contains other useful expressions such as "useless as tits on a boar" and "CBC sunshine" (rain or other foul weather after the CBC says it will be sunny).

[Batsinma Belfry]

Originally Posted by 5que

Okay, now I'm really being serious -- this is something I have thought about for a couple of years. When it's real cold outside and you fart, does steam come out your ass? As I get older, I seem to get a lot gassier, and it does become a concern on the cold Chicago mornings walking from the train station to work. In the summer I can sneak a few out crossing Wacker, but in the winter I'm afraid I will be spotted.

I would think that the gas would have to be expeled in a burst, in order to be very noticable.

[CalMeacham]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Northern Piper
"Cold enough to see a dog's fart."

(This is actually a real one - i've seen it, while walking my dog in -30 weather and waiting for her to get it done.)


Okay, now I'm really being serious -- this is something I have thought about for a couple of years. When it's real cold outside and you fart, does steam come out your ass? As I get older, I seem to get a lot gassier, and it does become a concern on the cold Chicago mornings walking from the train station to work. In the summer I can sneak a few out crossing Wacker, but in the winter I'm afraid I will be spotted.

Someone started a Thread on the SDMB a year or two ago claiming that they did see one in the winter, generated by a human being. A very unfortunate woman.

[AskNott]

Originally Posted by Johnny L.A.

I'm not a whore!

I'd do it free.

A dancer in a local breast bar explained it to me, "A whore will screw anybody; a prostitute will screw anybody for money."

[Northern Piper]

Originally Posted by 5que

Okay, now I'm really being serious -- this is something I have thought about for a couple of years. When it's real cold outside and you fart, does steam come out your ass? As I get older, I seem to get a lot gassier, and it does become a concern on the cold Chicago mornings walking from the train station to work. In the summer I can sneak a few out crossing Wacker, but in the winter I'm afraid I will be spotted.

I would have thought that clothes (pants, coat) would block it enough to dissipate. so it wouldn't be seen. Dogs, not having such accoutrements, can emit little bursts of steam that can be seen

[Northern Piper]

Originally Posted by matt_mcl

There's an excellent phrase book of the Canadian Prairies called Cold as a Bay Street Banker's Heart.

It contains other useful expressions such as "useless as tits on a boar" and "CBC sunshine" (rain or other foul weather after the CBC says it will be sunny).

My brother-in-law used a real Prairieism the other day: "He's so crooked he could sleep in a grain auger."

[Derleth]

Originally Posted by betenoir

Winter is icummen in,/ Lhude sing Goddamm,/ Raineth drop and staineth slop,/ And how the wind doth ramm!/ Sing: Goddamm.

Skiddeth bus and sloppeth us,/ An ague hath my ham./ Freezeth river, turneth liver,/ Damn you, sing: Goddamm./ Goddamm, Goddamn, ‘tis why I am, Goddamm/ So ‘gainst the winter’s balm./ Sing, goddamm, damm, sing Goddamm./ Sing goddamm, sing goddamm, DAMN

Where does this come from? It's wonderful.

ObOT:
Colder than liquid hydrogen.
Colder than a Peltier on Pluto*.
Colder than a submarine's skin.

*(I know they aren't Magical Mystery Heat Pumps, or even all that efficient, but the euphony is nice.)

[betenoir]

Originally Posted by Derleth

Where does this come from? It's wonderful.

I wrote it.

Ok, Goddamn it, I didn't write it, but as it seems to have snowed last night and I have to get up and go to work in it I could have, right now.

Actually, Ezra Pound wrote it.

[Pythian Habenero]

I've always heard "colder than a witch's... mitt". And politely assumed that it would obviously have to get very cold before a witch would wear mittens.

[El Escorpio]

A friend and I always say, "Colder than a witch's tit in a brass bra..."

then add, "...doing pushups in the snow."

Don't know why, but the last image always makes me chuckle.

[Paul in Qatar]

Cold, colder than my first wife's heart.
Cool as deep space.

[Nature's Call]

Originally Posted by Foreigner

You're as cold as ice / You're willing to sacrifice our love

um, duh!

[Colibri]

Colder'n a huskie's nuts in a dogsled race.

[zhrona]

Colder than the brass balls on a monkey. (R)
Colder than a brass monkey. (PG)
Colder than a mu'u'fuka out dey. (R)

[Aspidistra]

...older than a brass archaeological find...

[Amateur Barbarian]

Bit of a tangent, but I always liked the phrase "cool as the other side of the pillow."

[Spiderman]

Originally Posted by Aspidistra

...older than a brass archaeological find...

Are zombies warm blooded or cold blooded creatures? [/hijack]

[Enright3]

It's colder than a witch's tit in a brass bra.
It's colder than a warlock's cock in brass jock.

[Enright3]

Hotter than a whore on nickle night.

[TreacherousCretin]

Originally Posted by AskNott

A dancer in a local breast bar explained it to me, "A whore will screw anybody; a prostitute will screw anybody for money."

And a "slut" will screw anybody but you.

[Satchmo]

My grandpa always used to say "Colder than a well digger's ......... destination."

[Mr. Me]

"Our summers are a balmy minus ninety nine degrees
When we swagger through the woods, our nipples knock down all the trees"

From We Are The Vikings by Kobi LaCroix.

[stui magpie]

Originally Posted by Trunk

I've heard "tighter than a nun's cunt" but not colder than.

One to add: Cold enough to fuck a polar bear.

Alt: Cold enough to fuck a penguin.

Eh, let's make one up: colder'n a penguin popsicle.

I've usually related the Nun's hoo haa to Dry. As in when you're hot and really thirsty I'd say I'm as dry as a Nuns Cnut. At least that's how I learned it when I was a kid.


For Cold, mine have been covered.

Cold as a mother in laws kiss
cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey

[Mona Lisa Simpson]

Originally Posted by Chanteuse

A little ditty my dad used to say:

"Spring has sprung,
And fall has fell.
Winter is here
And it's colder than usual."

It always got a laugh out of us--and when we were really young, we liked saying it at school just to see the look on the other kids faces when they thought a "bad word" was about to be said!

My great uncle would say this, but instead of "than usual" he would say "strictly necessary".

My dad would always say "Its so cold I have to bring the monkey inside" ... because he wasn't allowed to talk about monkey testicles (brass or otherwise) in front of children.

It is so cold the post man is peeing popsicles. (We once saw a postie peeing behind a bush)

[wguy123]

Colder than a well digger's chicken.

Courtesy of Ren (only watch the first 18 seconds):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=25hK0OL9DuQ

[jrbor76]

Damn, plenty of uses of "polar bear's" already.

Personally I prefer "a polar bear's unmentionables". Leaves plenty to the imagination.