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Old 06-13-2014, 12:21 PM
Evil Captor is offline
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Today Is Friday the 13th, Support Sex Positivism Day


Do you like porn? I do.
Do you like to watch women dance naked? I do.
Do you patronize prostitutes? I don't, but I'm totally OK with those who do.
Are you a sugar daddy? I'm not, but I'm OK with sugar daddies and their sugar babies.
Are you kinky in any way? I am.

Today is a day to say so, to support those who like any of these things, and to support those who work in those industries, and to call for decriminalizing sex work of all kinds, as well as a general toleration of consensual sex of all kinds.

Be good to yourself, sexually speaking. Be good to others too. And have a great Friday the 13th.

Let me link to the blog that inspired this post.
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Old 06-13-2014, 12:41 PM
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Am I the only one who read this as "sex position day"?
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Old 06-13-2014, 12:43 PM
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Oh what the heck. I haven't done anything yet today, so yeah! Down with tsking and slut-shaming and self-righteous moralizing and prudishness in general. Up with sex!
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Old 06-13-2014, 02:06 PM
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Am I the only one who read this as "sex position day"?
Nope.
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Old 06-13-2014, 02:09 PM
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I will most positively support, "Support Sex Positivism Day."

Last edited by scootergirl; 06-13-2014 at 02:09 PM.
  #6  
Old 06-13-2014, 03:06 PM
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let me rise up for Support Sex Positivism Day
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Old 06-13-2014, 03:16 PM
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It is a fundamental principle of positivism that, if something cannot be empirically confirmed then it is meaningless, metaphysical, unreal. So I say

Pics or it didn't happen!
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Old 06-13-2014, 05:47 PM
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Originally Posted by njtt View Post
It is a fundamental principle of positivism that, if something cannot be empirically confirmed then it is meaningless, metaphysical, unreal. So I say

Pics or it didn't happen!
Well I did put up an appropriate pic on my blog post.

It is ... NSFW ...

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Old 06-14-2014, 01:27 PM
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Ok, sex positivism day is over. Back to hating and fearing sex!

Boy, that's a relief!
  #10  
Old 06-15-2014, 01:27 AM
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Well, I am sorry that today is now tomorrow, and I am too late for yesterday.

But I hope this "sex positivism" movement gains momentum. It boggles my mind that prostitution in any form is illegal in 99.99% of the country (speaking about the U.S. here). I hope this changes before my dick goes completely dormant. I never imagined I would see even the modest level of acceptance that homosexuality is attaining in mainstream society these days, and I never thought I would see pot being made legal either, but as positive as those developments are, neither of those issues has a direct impact on me one way or the other. A more positive view of sex and a decriminalization of prostitution, though, is something that I can feel would benefit me personally.

In my experience, the desire for sex and the pleasure derived from sex are among the most primal, biologically driven feelings I experience. Although the intensity has lessened a bit as I have aged, even now at 50 if I am feeling horny and unrequited I can find it hard to focus on other tasks, I become preoccupied with sex, and in extremis I start to consider as valid alternatives actions like cheating on my wife or visiting a prostitute that in a cooler, more logical frame of mind I know carry considerable risk of long-term negative consequences (ruining my marriage, causing pain to my family, getting arrested, etc.).

I have not actually exercised any of those alternatives, but in my mind they are becoming increasingly acceptable to me as possibilities, and so I cannot say with confidence that I will never do anything like that.

And then, once I do come, it is literally a matter of seconds before I get the proverbial "hmmm, I want a sandwich" effect...I can't even imagine why I was so focused on sex, why I would ever even consider doing anything like cheating or a hooker, and god I've got stuff to do, time to get out of bed. I don't know what the interplay of hormones is after orgasm, but I do know that for me personally at least, the effect of release is considerable. Intellectually I remember the desires and the feelings I experienced prior to sex, but they may as well have been someone else's emotions for all the connection I feel to them after orgasm.

At least for a couple of days, until the cycle comes to a head again. (Hey, I'm 50. When I was in my teens, it was a matter of hours.)

I was raised as a Catholic and went to a Catholic school, and as a result I grew up thinking sex was dirty, secret, shameful, sinful. Anyone who "wanted" sex was a sinner and bad. So of course I was ashamed of my sexual urges as a teenager, and of course I knew that no girl worth having would want to have sex with me. I couldn't even imagine that a girl would *want* to have sex with me; at best I might meet someone someday who would "let me" have sex with them. And I don't mean that I felt I wasn't worthy of being wanted; I mean that I felt girls were not as susceptible to such base urges as I was.

So I never touched a bare breast until I was in college, and then even though I had a number of girlfriends ("two" is a number, right?) who I had countless extended petting sessions with, I remained a virgin until I was 22, and I ended up marrying the girl I lost my virginity to. I loved her, I wanted to marry her because I wanted to spend my life with her, but there *was* an element of "I finally found a girl who will let me have sex with her." The earlier ones probably would have, too, but my Catholic upbringing still made it psychologically hard for me to "press the issue" with them, so to speak. So I settled for petting. Now that I think back, with the first one of those two girlfriends, we always stopped our petting sessions short of orgasm. As an exception, I once came in my jeans while we were lying on a bed kissing and grinding together, but of course I kept that secret from her as that was too shameful, and I made an excuse to go to the washroom and tried my best to clean up.

It seems ridiculous to me now, the idea of a 20-year-old stopping his girlfriend while she is stroking him because he is about to come, and vice versa. I'm not talking about any sort of activity that had any real risk of pregnancy, either. What was I afraid was going to happen? I have no idea now, except that somehow coming was "wrong" and a bad thing to do, a line not to be crossed. And I had already become an atheist by that point, so it is not like I was worried about damnation or anything like that, either, at least not consciously.

So I got married at 26, having had only a modest amount of sexual experience short of intercourse with a limited number of women (there were three or four women that I fooled around with one or two times in relationships that did not rise to the level of the aforementioned "girlfriend"), and only one full-fledged sexual partner, my wife. Even that relationship, sexually, was not all I hoped it would be, but it was better than nothing, and I did not feel it was realistic to expect a high degree of satisfaction (a feeling which she encouraged).

But as soon as we got married, she turned the dial way back. Man, to some extent I felt really duped. We had a baby right away, too, which only dampened our sex life even more.

But, we loved each other, we built our life and family together, and I made do jacking off when I had to.

And then when she was 40, she got sick and died.

I was crushed. We were going to grow old together. We were supposed to die simultaneously in a plane crash when we were 80. She never even got to see our oldest graduate from middle school, for chrissakes.

But, I am ashamed to admit, as my life was in chaos, there was a part of me that was glad to have the opportunity to take another bite at the sexual apple, so to speak. Kind of like a silver lining to the tragedy. I don't expect a lot of understanding on this point.

You might expect that this led to a period of me fooling around with multiple partners. It didn't. I sought out another exclusive, long-term relationship. This time with someone who enjoyed sex as much as I did.

And I found her, about six months later. A year after that, we were married.

And for the first four years of our relationship, (including three years of our marriage), the sex was fantastic. The frequency, the variety, the eroticism, was everything I could ever have hoped for. The most sexually satisfying period of my life, by far. By all indications, she was enjoying it equally as well.

And then we had a baby and godammit, suddenly sex is off the menu about 93% of the time. For six years and counting. She doesn't know why. She says it is not me, but who knows.

Well, I am fucking sick of it. I am 50 years old. Who knows how many years of sex I have left. My wife is as desirable to me as she was 10 years ago, and I tell her constantly. She insists her lack of interest is not a result of any dissatisfaction with me or my appearance, that she just has little desire for sex any more. With anyone.

She cannot explain why, and she is content with things as they stand, so she is not terribly interested in trying to figure out if there is a way to rekindle her interest.

And that is fine, in that she is not obligated to provide me with sex out of some outdated concept of wifely duty or some such thing.

But does her loss of interest mean I am not allowed to have a sexually satisfying life any more?

If I could wave a magic wand and rekindle her sex drive, I would be very happy. As a guy, of course the idea of a sexual variety is appealing, but I find the idea of sex with someone who loves me even more appealing. She floats my boat still.

But I don't have a magic wand.

I do not for a second think "poor me!" Rather, I am sure there are large numbers of people who have equally unsatisfying or even more unsatisfying sex lives. But shouldn't people be allowed reasonable access to sexual pleasure with the gender of their choice? Of course there is masturbation, but that is to sex as tofu is to meat: it is a substitute source of protein, and it can even be dressed up with sauces, but it is just not the same thing. (OK, it is probably not good to think too closely about the masturbation-sex/tofu-meat comparison.)

So, after this long post filled with TMI, I guess what I want to say is simply that it would be nice if I could fill my sexual needs by visiting a licensed prostitute without any fear of arrest or stigma. I would feel less frustration in my marriage, and to be honest my wife would probably be happier - I am sure she derives no pleasure from rejecting me when I try to initiate sex.

Well, I started this Saturday night and it is now Sunday morning, so I guess today is now two days ago and tomorrow is yesterday...
  #11  
Old 06-15-2014, 12:59 PM
Evil Captor is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wellanuff View Post
Well, I am sorry that today is now tomorrow, and I am too late for yesterday.
I know the feeling!

Quote:
But I hope this "sex positivism" movement gains momentum. It boggles my mind that prostitution in any form is illegal in 99.99% of the country (speaking about the U.S. here). I hope this changes before my dick goes completely dormant. I never imagined I would see even the modest level of acceptance that homosexuality is attaining in mainstream society these days, and I never thought I would see pot being made legal either, but as positive as those developments are, neither of those issues has a direct impact on me one way or the other. A more positive view of sex and a decriminalization of prostitution, though, is something that I can feel would benefit me personally.
My feeling is, it would benefit EVERYONE personally, not just you. The driving force behind the sex-positive movement, for example, is women mostly. It's a brilliant movement, going right to the heart of the religious and political and social forces that have tried to use guilt about sex to control men and women. I strongly suspect it WOULD benefit you personally, but the money is never on waiting for social change to make changes in your personal life. I'd like pot to be legal again, and it MAY happen in my lifetime, but I'm thinking the smart thing for me to do if I REALLY want to smoke weed legally is plan a trip to Colorado. (Makes note -- plan a vacation to Colorado.)

Quote:
In my experience, the desire for sex and the pleasure derived from sex are among the most primal, biologically driven feelings I experience. Although the intensity has lessened a bit as I have aged, even now at 50 if I am feeling horny and unrequited I can find it hard to focus on other tasks, I become preoccupied with sex, and in extremis I start to consider as valid alternatives actions like cheating on my wife or visiting a prostitute that in a cooler, more logical frame of mind I know carry considerable risk of long-term negative consequences (ruining my marriage, causing pain to my family, getting arrested, etc.).

I have not actually exercised any of those alternatives, but in my mind they are becoming increasingly acceptable to me as possibilities, and so I cannot say with confidence that I will never do anything like that.

And then, once I do come, it is literally a matter of seconds before I get the proverbial "hmmm, I want a sandwich" effect...I can't even imagine why I was so focused on sex, why I would ever even consider doing anything like cheating or a hooker, and god I've got stuff to do, time to get out of bed. I don't know what the interplay of hormones is after orgasm, but I do know that for me personally at least, the effect of release is considerable. Intellectually I remember the desires and the feelings I experienced prior to sex, but they may as well have been someone else's emotions for all the connection I feel to them after orgasm.

At least for a couple of days, until the cycle comes to a head again. (Hey, I'm 50. When I was in my teens, it was a matter of hours.)

I was raised as a Catholic and went to a Catholic school, and as a result I grew up thinking sex was dirty, secret, shameful, sinful. Anyone who "wanted" sex was a sinner and bad. So of course I was ashamed of my sexual urges as a teenager, and of course I knew that no girl worth having would want to have sex with me. I couldn't even imagine that a girl would *want* to have sex with me; at best I might meet someone someday who would "let me" have sex with them. And I don't mean that I felt I wasn't worthy of being wanted; I mean that I felt girls were not as susceptible to such base urges as I was.
Well guilt about sex has long been used as an instrument of social control for both men and women, especially in the Western World, and the Catholic church has long been in the forefront of that practice (though the Protestants and evangelicals have not disdained to use this tool, oh no!) It's well known in the Western world that women are slut shamed for expressing interest in sex and sexual behavior, but men get shamed too, just in a different way. Male sexuality is generally considered dirty, creepy and nasty by puritans and gender feminists. “Slutty” isn't the shaming word for men, it's “creepy” instead, but the goal of repressing human sexuality is the same in either instance.

And going to sex positivism would benefit not just you, but everyone – its major proponents are women.

As for masturbation, it feels good, harms no one, and I think it does help keep (generic) you from getting too worked up about sex. In fact, if you need a rationale for masturbation beyond “feels good” there is a definite positive health aspect for it – for men over 50 frequent masturbation is linked to lower risks of prostate cancer. For men under 20, frequent masturbation appears to INCREASE the risk of prostate cancer … though the definition of “frequent” IS different for those two age groups.

Quote:
So I never touched a bare breast until I was in college, and then even though I had a number of girlfriends ("two" is a number, right?) who I had countless extended petting sessions with, I remained a virgin until I was 22, and I ended up marrying the girl I lost my virginity to. I loved her, I wanted to marry her because I wanted to spend my life with her, but there *was* an element of "I finally found a girl who will let me have sex with her." The earlier ones probably would have, too, but my Catholic upbringing still made it psychologically hard for me to "press the issue" with them, so to speak. So I settled for petting. Now that I think back, with the first one of those two girlfriends, we always stopped our petting sessions short of orgasm. As an exception, I once came in my jeans while we were lying on a bed kissing and grinding together, but of course I kept that secret from her as that was too shameful, and I made an excuse to go to the washroom and tried my best to clean up.

It seems ridiculous to me now, the idea of a 20-year-old stopping his girlfriend while she is stroking him because he is about to come, and vice versa. I'm not talking about any sort of activity that had any real risk of pregnancy, either. What was I afraid was going to happen? I have no idea now, except that somehow coming was "wrong" and a bad thing to do, a line not to be crossed. And I had already become an atheist by that point, so it is not like I was worried about damnation or anything like that, either, at least not consciously.

So I got married at 26, having had only a modest amount of sexual experience short of intercourse with a limited number of women (there were three or four women that I fooled around with one or two times in relationships that did not rise to the level of the aforementioned "girlfriend"), and only one full-fledged sexual partner, my wife. Even that relationship, sexually, was not all I hoped it would be, but it was better than nothing, and I did not feel it was realistic to expect a high degree of satisfaction (a feeling which she encouraged).

But as soon as we got married, she turned the dial way back. Man, to some extent I felt really duped. We had a baby right away, too, which only dampened our sex life even more.

But, we loved each other, we built our life and family together, and I made do jacking off when I had to.

And then when she was 40, she got sick and died.

I was crushed. We were going to grow old together. We were supposed to die simultaneously in a plane crash when we were 80. She never even got to see our oldest graduate from middle school, for chrissakes.

But, I am ashamed to admit, as my life was in chaos, there was a part of me that was glad to have the opportunity to take another bite at the sexual apple, so to speak. Kind of like a silver lining to the tragedy. I don't expect a lot of understanding on this point.

You might expect that this led to a period of me fooling around with multiple partners. It didn't. I sought out another exclusive, long-term relationship. This time with someone who enjoyed sex as much as I did.

And I found her, about six months later. A year after that, we were married.

And for the first four years of our relationship, (including three years of our marriage), the sex was fantastic. The frequency, the variety, the eroticism, was everything I could ever have hoped for. The most sexually satisfying period of my life, by far. By all indications, she was enjoying it equally as well.

And then we had a baby and godammit, suddenly sex is off the menu about 93% of the time. For six years and counting. She doesn't know why. She says it is not me, but who knows.

Well, I am fucking sick of it. I am 50 years old. Who knows how many years of sex I have left. My wife is as desirable to me as she was 10 years ago, and I tell her constantly. She insists her lack of interest is not a result of any dissatisfaction with me or my appearance, that she just has little desire for sex any more. With anyone.

She cannot explain why, and she is content with things as they stand, so she is not terribly interested in trying to figure out if there is a way to rekindle her interest.

And that is fine, in that she is not obligated to provide me with sex out of some outdated concept of wifely duty or some such thing.

But does her loss of interest mean I am not allowed to have a sexually satisfying life any more?

If I could wave a magic wand and rekindle her sex drive, I would be very happy. As a guy, of course the idea of a sexual variety is appealing, but I find the idea of sex with someone who loves me even more appealing. She floats my boat still.

But I don't have a magic wand.

I do not for a second think "poor me!" Rather, I am sure there are large numbers of people who have equally unsatisfying or even more unsatisfying sex lives. But shouldn't people be allowed reasonable access to sexual pleasure with the gender of their choice? Of course there is masturbation, but that is to sex as tofu is to meat: it is a substitute source of protein, and it can even be dressed up with sauces, but it is just not the same thing. (OK, it is probably not good to think too closely about the masturbation-sex/tofu-meat comparison.)

So, after this long post filled with TMI, I guess what I want to say is simply that it would be nice if I could fill my sexual needs by visiting a licensed prostitute without any fear of arrest or stigma. I would feel less frustration in my marriage, and to be honest my wife would probably be happier - I am sure she derives no pleasure from rejecting me when I try to initiate sex.

Well, I started this Saturday night and it is now Sunday morning, so I guess today is now two days ago and tomorrow is yesterday...
Well I don't have any pat answers for you here. Sex positivism is about liking sex and sexuality, and you were definitely raised in a sex negative environment, as was I. I think the thing you really have going for you is that you appear to love your second wife and she to love you. That's a very good and valuable thing. There is absolutely nothing wrong with loving your wife. All I'd say is let her know clearly that you love her as well as that you find her sexually desirable. You can be totally sex-positive within the confines of a closed monogamous marriage,

For me, sex has always been a happy place. I like sex, I like masturbation, I like porn, I like erotica, I like erotic romances, I like sexual fantasies. It's all good, I see them as all part of the same thing, sexuality. I have had periods where I have gone without sex for a long time, but I still liked sex and thinking about sex. I guess I am naturally sex positive. I don't feel I have to have sex with the women I see in porn or dancing in strip clubs to be fulfilled, I enjoy the porn and the dance for what it is … sexy entertainment. Plus, I know that my wife loves me and that I love her, while the women who appear in porn or dance in strip clubs don't even know me. That's OK, neither do other kinds of entertainers, but I can still enjoy their performances. It's all good.

Last edited by Evil Captor; 06-15-2014 at 01:01 PM.
  #12  
Old 06-15-2014, 02:37 PM
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We celebrated it on the 12th. And the 13th. And the 14th. Not bad for old farts.

We discussed celebrating it again today, but decided GoT season 4 finale would take priority. But the 16th is open.

It's good when you and your SO both agree that sex is important.
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Old 06-15-2014, 02:42 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Qadgop the Mercotan View Post
We discussed celebrating it again today, but decided GoT season 4 finale would take priority. But the 16th is open.

It's good when you and your SO both agree that sex is important.
also important when you agree on what has a higher priority.
  #14  
Old 06-16-2014, 11:02 PM
Hershele Ostropoler is offline
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What's this about a Hegelian discourse on sex?
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