#1  
Old 09-03-2016, 04:21 PM
Ranger Jeff Ranger Jeff is offline
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I need a new excuse...

... or just more of them. My standard answer when I'm asked to do something I have absolutely no desire to do (like move cinderblocks from a friend's basement Saturday afternoon) is "I'd love to but I'm washing my hair that day. Or I have a cake in the oven. Or I have an arms deal in Tangiers. I don't remember which." Well, that's getting a bit old; I think I got it originally from Bored Of The Rings. So, are there some different excuses I could put in there? I'd like to still keep the one about the arms deal in there. It lead to an amusing conversation with some guy I knew who lived in a barnhouse and had a cinder block problem.
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  #2  
Old 09-03-2016, 04:38 PM
Leaffan Leaffan is offline
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I'm surprised you still have friends.
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Old 09-03-2016, 05:06 PM
Robot Arm Robot Arm is offline
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I'm having my house moved six inches to the left.
I'm shooting an ad with Linda Ronstadt for my snow plowing company.
I'm having a kidney transplant.
The Pulitzers are going to be announced that day, so I need to stay close to the phone.
I have a friend who's a rodeo clown and I promised I'd fill in for him.
  #4  
Old 09-03-2016, 05:37 PM
Ranger Jeff Ranger Jeff is offline
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Originally Posted by Leaffan View Post
I'm surprised you still have friends.
So, what do you say to a friend who lives 3 states away asks you to stop by to move some cinderblocks from his basement?
  #5  
Old 09-03-2016, 05:43 PM
Jennshark Jennshark is offline
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My work bestie and I were just talking about "excuses that no one will challenge you on, ever." In our case, we were fantasizing about ways to get out of a monthly, extremely boring and unproductive meeting.

Best one: "I've pooped my pants and have to go home."
  #6  
Old 09-03-2016, 05:53 PM
RivkahChaya RivkahChaya is offline
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"That's when I'm scheduled for a colonoscopy."

And don't forget, Jeff, if they're doing it on Saturday, "Can't; it's Shabbes."
  #7  
Old 09-03-2016, 06:27 PM
enipla enipla is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ranger Jeff View Post
So, what do you say to a friend who lives 3 states away asks you to stop by to move some cinderblocks from his basement?
A friend would not ask me to do that.
  #8  
Old 09-03-2016, 08:01 PM
Ranger Jeff Ranger Jeff is offline
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Originally Posted by RivkahChaya View Post
"That's when I'm scheduled for a colonoscopy."

And don't forget, Jeff, if they're doing it on Saturday, "Can't; it's Shabbes."
I like them both.

Oh, I just remembered, "I can't, I have cramps."

Last edited by Ranger Jeff; 09-03-2016 at 08:03 PM.
  #9  
Old 09-03-2016, 08:18 PM
don't ask don't ask is offline
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I find that no-one ever questions an excuse that makes you look stupid. So something like, "Sorry I can't because I fucked up my hand by closing my own car door on it," works. Maybe, "For the next year I'm not allowed out on weekends without Betty because I was fucking some woman I work with. And Betty isn't free that day."

Weekend detention used to be a fine excuse until they did away with it. No-one likes to ask why you are doing time, even if it's only weekend time.
  #10  
Old 09-03-2016, 09:02 PM
TruCelt TruCelt is offline
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Howard Wolowitz (Big Bang Theory) has some hilariously horrific ones. I don't have specifics, but along the lines of "That's the day I grate the dead skin off my Mother's heels." It's really the squicked out shudder that sells it.

I volunteered for a medical trial so I'm in quarantine on the weekends. Yeah, they're using live virus apparently . . .

I have a weekly appointment to get my abscess drained.

The voices said "no."

The Mothership will be in range soon; I have to get the beacon going.

I'll be working on my car. Yeah, gotta replace those muffler bearings.
  #11  
Old 09-03-2016, 09:20 PM
Emtar KronJonDerSohn Emtar KronJonDerSohn is offline
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I'm already scheduled on a charity cinder block moving that day.
  #12  
Old 09-04-2016, 05:41 PM
snfaulkner snfaulkner is offline
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You want me to do what? Drive three states over and help you move cinder blocks?

Nope. I don't like you that much.

-or-

I've got a lot of work to do around the bed to do first.

-or-

Sure thing, just let me finish this 12 pack first.

-or-

Do as Nancy Reagan told us. Just say no.
  #13  
Old 09-04-2016, 06:35 PM
PastTense PastTense is offline
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Moving cinderblocks?

You have a bad back.
  #14  
Old 09-04-2016, 07:20 PM
Spiderman Spiderman is offline
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If the date is far enough in advance:
  • I have a funeral that day.
  • I have an emergency scheduled for that day.
  #15  
Old 09-04-2016, 08:23 PM
ThelmaLou ThelmaLou is offline
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Miss Manners (columnist Judith Martin) says you don't need an excuse not to do something. In fact, offering an excuse only gives the OP something to react to, attempt to work around, offer an alternative, etc. She says all you have to say is, "I'm sorry, it's just impossible." No more. And keep repeating that until the OP stops asking.

"Hey, Bob-- can I count on your to come by next weekend and help up move those cinder blocks?"
"I'm so sorry, but it's just impossible."
"Wha--? We were expecting you. We really need the help. There's lots of beer in it for you."
"Sorry, Impossible for me to make it."
"Why? What's so important?"
"No can do." <shakes head> "Just impossible. Gotta run. Talk to you later."
  #16  
Old 09-05-2016, 12:53 AM
Mona Lisa Simpson Mona Lisa Simpson is offline
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I can't; I am installing sky hooks that day.
  #17  
Old 09-05-2016, 02:13 AM
Balance Balance is offline
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"I have a prior engagement, which I shall make as soon as possible."
  #18  
Old 09-05-2016, 03:26 AM
kaylasdad99 kaylasdad99 is online now
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"I would if I could, but I don't want to, so I can't."
  #19  
Old 09-05-2016, 09:31 AM
Joey P Joey P is offline
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Something like this?
  #20  
Old 09-05-2016, 09:36 AM
kopek kopek is offline
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Sorry --- I have a life. Or my usual fallback of walking my goldfish.

(I had a pair of those shoes way back when)
  #21  
Old 09-05-2016, 10:24 AM
Spud Spud is offline
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Three states away... very simple.

My ankle bracelet won't let me go that far from home.
  #22  
Old 09-05-2016, 10:38 AM
TruCelt TruCelt is offline
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As for your friend with the cinder blocks? Just buy him a fitbit. Within a week he will be gleefully carrying them up the stairs one by one, checking his wrist every three steps or so.

He'll probably carry them back down again too . . .
  #23  
Old 09-05-2016, 11:10 AM
Czarcasm Czarcasm is offline
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"Ohmyghod! When I was a kid my puppy, Squirts, was killed when someone tossed a cinderblock to me and I missed. It hit him right in the head and, and...dude, I have to hang up now and call my therapist. Ohghod!"
  #24  
Old 09-05-2016, 11:41 AM
Mean Mr. Mustard Mean Mr. Mustard is offline
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I know this thread is approximately half in jest, but I don't get why so many folks feel the obligation to provide a reason they are declining an invitation.

"I'm sorry, I can't make it."

This works for me, and I think it much better than inventing an excuse.


mmm
  #25  
Old 09-05-2016, 08:29 PM
kopek kopek is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mean Mr. Mustard View Post

"I'm sorry, I can't make it."

This works for me, and I think it much better than inventing an excuse.
Unless you are like me and have a reputation for inventive excuses. If I told a friend "Sorry - can't make it" they would probably be insulted.
  #26  
Old 09-05-2016, 08:36 PM
ZipperJJ ZipperJJ is offline
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Sorry I already promised someone else I'll help them move cinder blocks that day.
  #27  
Old 09-06-2016, 09:45 AM
Chefguy Chefguy is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mean Mr. Mustard View Post
I know this thread is approximately half in jest, but I don't get why so many folks feel the obligation to provide a reason they are declining an invitation.

"I'm sorry, I can't make it."

This works for me, and I think it much better than inventing an excuse.


mmm
You find out who are your friends and who is just using you pretty quickly, for sure. Happened to us recently concerning some rather tedious pet sitting. We finally said that we weren't going to be available for that any longer, and haven't heard from them since.
  #28  
Old 09-06-2016, 12:31 PM
Cornelius Tuggerson Cornelius Tuggerson is offline
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Sorry, I can't, that's the day I wash the gimp.
  #29  
Old 09-06-2016, 12:57 PM
gnoitall gnoitall is offline
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Sorry, allergic to cinders. And blocks.

Also, I'm pretty sure the statute of limitations hasn't yet expired in your state. You know how open arrest warrants can be.
  #30  
Old 09-06-2016, 02:19 PM
Omar Little Omar Little is offline
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I don't have many rules in life, but this is one of them.

I don't ask friends to come and move my cinder blocks, so I'm not coming to move your cinder blocks.
  #31  
Old 09-06-2016, 05:14 PM
BeeGee BeeGee is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mean Mr. Mustard View Post
I know this thread is approximately half in jest, but I don't get why so many folks feel the obligation to provide a reason they are declining an invitation.

"I'm sorry, I can't make it."

This works for me, and I think it much better than inventing an excuse.


mmm
That's what I do. "I'm sorry, I can't." If pushed hard enough, the answer may change to "Because I don't want to." But only if you push me hard enough.

That's the answer my cousin finally gets. She always wants me to go to this one restaurant when she comes to town. It's way on the other side of town. It caters to tourists and loudmouths. The food is reputed to be very bad. The clientele wants to pretend they're in Key West. No. I've been in this town for 35 years and I've never gone there.
  #32  
Old 09-07-2016, 10:08 AM
control-z control-z is offline
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Sorry, I can't, that's the day I wash the gimp.
It's refreshing to see someone advocate proper gimp maintenance.
  #33  
Old 09-07-2016, 10:14 AM
Nava Nava is offline
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Sorry, it's my turn to put the streets in place.

Sorry, it's my turn to hang up the sun.

Sorry, gotta go help organize the next round of Middle East peace talks.

Sorry, I've got to see the Pope about redecorating the Sixtine Chapel.

Last edited by Nava; 09-07-2016 at 10:15 AM.
  #34  
Old 09-07-2016, 10:18 AM
Teuton Teuton is offline
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Test match? Lords? Good god, man, you mean you didn't know?
  #35  
Old 09-07-2016, 10:51 AM
Czarcasm Czarcasm is offline
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Sorry, I can't, that's the day I wash the gimp.
Is it bath day already?
  #36  
Old 09-07-2016, 01:48 PM
gigi gigi is offline
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"This nap isn't going to take itself."
  #37  
Old 09-07-2016, 04:16 PM
Rigamarole Rigamarole is offline
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I go with the Deadpool excuse... "You know, I would, but... I don't want to."
  #38  
Old 09-07-2016, 10:36 PM
Billdo Billdo is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jennshark View Post
My work bestie and I were just talking about "excuses that no one will challenge you on, ever." In our case, we were fantasizing about ways to get out of a monthly, extremely boring and unproductive meeting.

Best one: "I've pooped my pants and have to go home."
My favorite medical excuse is "gastric distress." No boss will ever ask any follow-up questions about the details of your gastric distress or whether it is a real excuse.
  #39  
Old 09-07-2016, 10:55 PM
Joey P Joey P is offline
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My favorite medical excuse is "gastric distress." No boss will ever ask any follow-up questions about the details of your gastric distress or whether it is a real excuse.
I think the "Does anyone else smell burning hair?" excuse trumps that.

(TL;DR OP had a stroke this morning )
  #40  
Old 09-08-2016, 01:28 PM
edwards_beard edwards_beard is offline
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(TL;DR OP had a stroke this morning )


Wow...that dedication to an excuse.
  #41  
Old 09-08-2016, 01:55 PM
gnoitall gnoitall is offline
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Wow...that dedication to an excuse.
And yet, I know from personal experience that even a medical condition wouldn't be an ironclad excuse.
"A stroke. Those, like, only happen on one side, right? Ok, so you can carry one cinderblock at a time with your good hand. See? So, when can I expect you out? Those blocks ain't movin' themselves!"
  #42  
Old 09-08-2016, 02:31 PM
WOOKINPANUB WOOKINPANUB is offline
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I have to blow dry my gerbil. I said that to a boyfriend once and he, quick lad that he is , said "who are you, Richard Gere?"

Seriously though, as others have said, there is no need to say anything but a polite "sorry, I can't make it".
  #43  
Old 09-09-2016, 01:30 PM
santiago42 santiago42 is offline
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Sorry, but 7 out of the 11 voices in my head said we should stay home and clean our guns. Democracy in action. You don't hate freedom, DO YOU????
  #44  
Old 09-09-2016, 01:59 PM
Daylate Daylate is offline
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Was following a sort of elderly pickup truck last week, and got close enough to read a sticker on the rear of the bed. It was a preemptive strike, so to speak.

"YES, THIS IS MY TRUCK.
NO, I WON'T HELP YOU MOVE"
  #45  
Old 09-09-2016, 03:30 PM
gnoitall gnoitall is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Daylate View Post
Was following a sort of elderly pickup truck last week, and got close enough to read a sticker on the rear of the bed. It was a preemptive strike, so to speak.

"YES, THIS IS MY TRUCK.
NO, I WON'T HELP YOU MOVE"
This is in the same vein as my "No, I will not fix your computer" coffee mug.
  #46  
Old 09-09-2016, 04:56 PM
Daylate Daylate is offline
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Quote:
This is in the same vein as my "No, I will not fix your computer" coffee mug.
Darn - was going to get one of those but they're "out of stock"!
  #47  
Old 09-09-2016, 05:05 PM
Cardigan Cardigan is offline
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Help move cinderblocks? Sure I'd love to. Lemme check with my Parole Officer and see if it's okay to drive three states away.....
  #48  
Old 09-09-2016, 10:48 PM
Haldurson Haldurson is offline
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"I've got the 24 hour Ebola" (Firesign Theater)
"I'm spending the next week dead for tax purposes" (Douglas Adams)
"I'll definitely help after you get rid of this body for me. By the way, what do you recommend for getting bloodstains out of the carpeting?"
  #49  
Old 09-10-2016, 02:06 PM
dracoi dracoi is offline
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There's always astrology. "Sorry, Mercury is in retrograde for the next two weeks."

(I had a client use that exact excuse for why they wouldn't have their income tax documents ready until March.)
  #50  
Old 09-12-2016, 03:05 PM
gigi gigi is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Daylate View Post
Darn - was going to get one of those but they're "out of stock"!
SURE they are. Geez, ThinkGeek, if you don't want to send out a mug, just say so.

Quote:
Originally Posted by WOOKINPANUB View Post
I have to blow dry my gerbil.
I haven't heard it called that before.
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