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  #1  
Old 01-09-2017, 08:56 AM
friedo friedo is offline
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What's the dumbest crime you ever witnessed or were a victim of?

No funny news reports from Florida - it has to be something you were involved with.

In my case, about six years ago, somebody stole the venetian blinds from my windows.
  #2  
Old 01-09-2017, 09:16 AM
jtur88 jtur88 is offline
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By "dumbest crime", do you mean dumbest perpetrator of a crime, or dumbest example of something that legislators in their infinite wisdom have criminalized?

I was in a buffet once that had a sign saying "state law requires diners to take a clean plate each trip to the buffet". I saw a guy refill his dirty plate, and I called the TIPS hotline to report it, but the police did not seem interested. I suspect that in actual fac,t he state law only requires the restaurant to post tht sign.

Last edited by jtur88; 01-09-2017 at 09:21 AM.
  #3  
Old 01-09-2017, 09:22 AM
Annie-Xmas Annie-Xmas is offline
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I live in an area of very small towns, but the municipalities all have interconnected governments.

Some stupid criminal stole a bunch of cash money in one town and went into the next town two blocks away, thinking the cops couldn't catch him there.
  #4  
Old 01-09-2017, 09:45 AM
Jophiel Jophiel is offline
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Something something mattress tags. You've all been great, don't forget to tip your servers.

Someone once broke into (as in opened the unlocked door) a friend's car while we were at the mall and stole a little crudely sculpted figure I made out of Blue Tack on the drive over and set on his dashboard. You could see the clean spots from where his feet were but he was mysteriously gone.
  #5  
Old 01-09-2017, 09:55 AM
stillownedbysetters stillownedbysetters is offline
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I was standing in the street, having parked and exited my car when I was clipped by a senior citizen riding a moped. A little more than my dignity was hurt as the impact bounced me off my closed car door and I sprained my wrist while breaking my fall. I broke a nail and ruined my hose, so property damage was also involved.

Technically this was a hit-and-run as the old coot never slowed down or bothered to see if I was ok. After some thought on the matter, I decided against filing a police report. The reason, I am sure, is obvious.

Last edited by stillownedbysetters; 01-09-2017 at 09:56 AM.
  #6  
Old 01-09-2017, 10:01 AM
Iggy Iggy is offline
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Someone broke into my truck while I was at work one night and stole a reusable supermarket shopping bag. Cash value 49 cents. Nothing else was taken. Truck was not damaged.
  #7  
Old 01-09-2017, 10:05 AM
Annie-Xmas Annie-Xmas is offline
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One cold February day, a guy and his dog broke into my Boss's 2000 Mercedes Benz, and stayed there until the cops arrived. I had to tell the 911 operator three times what happened before she got it.

The cops took the guy away for a mental evaluation. I don't know what happened to the dog.
  #8  
Old 01-09-2017, 10:13 AM
Clothahump Clothahump is offline
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Back in the 70s, I was a deputy sheriff. One of the other deputies made a traffic stop and the guy ran. The chase came into my area, so I joined in. We finally caught him and asked him why he ran. He said that he thought he had a warrant out for failure to appear - for a previous traffic violation. He didn't.

His stupidity got him a felony evading charge and I don't know how many other traffic citations.
  #9  
Old 01-09-2017, 10:14 AM
mbh mbh is offline
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I left my car unlocked one night. The next morning, I found the glove-box open and a few things out of place. The only thing I noticed missing was a flashlight.

I use the flashlight so rarely that the batteries are usually dead when I do need it. I am surprised that it was even worth stealing.
  #10  
Old 01-09-2017, 10:17 AM
running coach running coach is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Iggy View Post
Someone broke into my truck while I was at work one night and stole a reusable supermarket shopping bag. Cash value 49 cents. Nothing else was taken. Truck was not damaged.
It's obvious. He was on his way to break in somewhere else and realized he forgot a bag to put the loot in.

  #11  
Old 01-09-2017, 10:25 AM
billfish678 billfish678 is offline
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Most trivial irritating crime.

My friend had an old beat up pickup truck...old enough that it only had lap belts, manual windows and an ALL METAL dash....some local criminal broke in and stole the ass tray with all the spare change....my friend wasn't pissed that the change got stolen...hey, if you need $3 worth of pennies and nickels have at it...he was pissed that said criminal ALSO took the ash tray...

Oh, and someone stole my underwear at the beach once..

Last edited by billfish678; 01-09-2017 at 10:26 AM.
  #12  
Old 01-09-2017, 10:47 AM
Yllaria Yllaria is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Annie-Xmas View Post
I live in an area of very small towns, but the municipalities all have interconnected governments.

Some stupid criminal stole a bunch of cash money in one town and went into the next town two blocks away, thinking the cops couldn't catch him there.
If hearing the news reports on the radio counts, way back when I lived in Warren, Ohio, there was a robbery at a convenience store in the very early AM after the first snowfall of the year. The cops didn't immediately follow the tracks, because if of the directions you could go exiting the store, three of them would get you onto a main road or highway within three blocks.

But after they had all the paperwork done, they had to be complete. They followed the tracks one block this way, then another block that way - and found the car parked in the tracks with the crooks inside, counting out their money.

More personally, I forgot to lock the car once and someone stole the change in the dash and the bathing suit from my gym bag. If they hadn't also spread things from the glove compartment over the seat, I probably wouldn't have known.
  #13  
Old 01-09-2017, 11:00 AM
BobArrgh BobArrgh is offline
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Didn't happen to me, personally, but was relayed to me by the receptionist at my dentist's office.

One of the patients at the office walked in the front door, nodded to the receptionist, picked up the wooden magazine rack and about 20 out-of-date magazines, walked out, put it in his car and drove off. There was nothing special about the magazine rack; it wasn't an antique or an art piece.

The receptionist was flabbergasted (excuse me ... "gobsmacked" for those Dopers more used to reading British papers) and thought it was a practical joke. She recognized the patient and waited for the guy to come back in and laugh about it, but he didn't. She told the dentist about it later, asking him if he knew what was going on, but he had no clue.

They got a call a little while later from a pawn shop, asking if they really wanted to sell the magazine rack. Apparently, the man went to the pawn shop with the rack and the magazines, and tried to pawn it. One of the employees saw his dentist's name on the magazine label and called the office.

The police were called and they arrested the man and the magazine rack was eventually returned. I believe the incident was eventually marked up as a "medication" problem, but I don't know whether it was "forgot to take the meds" or "needed to stop drinking the bong water".
  #14  
Old 01-09-2017, 11:02 AM
racer72 racer72 is online now
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My mother was hit by a car that ran a stop sign. The guy got out and ran. Police show up and take a report and call for a tow truck for the now abandoned car. While waiting for the tow truck, the officer gets a call on his radio, the now wrecked car was just reported stolen.

The guys wife shows up a few minutes later and verifies it's her husband's car. The officer asks her to describe her husband. She describes the guy my mother and my aunt, she was a passenger in my mother's car, saw running from the car.

I arrived shortly after this and my mother and aunt tell me what happened. I also happen to be driving a tow truck so I could tow my mother's car. The officer asks me if I would back my wrecker up to the other car. As soon as I do, the guy that was driving it when it hit my mother jumps out of his wife's car to protest his car being towed. The officer cuffed and stuffed the guy, another wrecker showed up to haul away his car and I tow my mother's car home.
  #15  
Old 01-09-2017, 11:04 AM
FairyChatMom FairyChatMom is online now
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When I was in Junior High, someone stole my gym shoes. They weren't some fancy designer brand - it was 1968 and I don't think there was any such thing as designer sneakers back then. I was majorly pissed because it was the first day I'd worn them, but we were doing floor exercise and they didn't want anyone wearing shoes on the mats. After class, I went to retrieve them and they were gone.
  #16  
Old 01-09-2017, 11:08 AM
TriPolar TriPolar is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by billfish678 View Post
Most trivial irritating crime.

My friend had an old beat up pickup truck...old enough that it only had lap belts, manual windows and an ALL METAL dash....some local criminal broke in and stole the ass tray with all the spare change....my friend wasn't pissed that the change got stolen...hey, if you need $3 worth of pennies and nickels have at it...he was pissed that said criminal ALSO took the ash tray...
Someone took the ashtray and about $3 in change from my car. They didn't bother to look in the unlocked glove compartment where there was a bag with $20 of quarters in it for use at the air pumps and vacuums.

Looking for office space some years back I got to go into the Baseball Card warehouse. Boxes and boxes of every baseball card ever printed. The realtor pointed out the new security system installed after a recent break in. The cops found the perpetrators by following the trail of discarded cards back to the juveniles home down the street.
  #17  
Old 01-09-2017, 11:21 AM
kopek kopek is offline
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Back in my college days I was the 6am-9am bartender at a joint near campus (Pitt); this is late 70s. All the regulars (say 20-40 or so most mornings by 8) were off-duty cops and janitors and pretty much everyone was armed. This kid, say a couple years younger than I was, walked past the door one direction, came back the opposite direction, came back a third time, grabbed the door, flung it open, pulled out a sawed-off single-shot shotgun and yelled "THIS IS A STICK------SHIT!!!!!" as he looked down a rather impressive assortment of barrels. He couldn't drop his gun fast enough. Some of the people/customers didn't even stop drinking -- just had drawn and aimed towards the door. The cops debated a while who would cuff and handle the paperwork but I stopped the debate by calling the on-duty cops and letting them have it.
  #18  
Old 01-09-2017, 11:27 AM
kayT kayT is offline
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Someone stole the $6 bougainvillea I had just planted in our front flower bed (our house was right up next to the sidewalk with just a small bed for a "front yard"). The really ironic thing is that those plants don't have a very strong root ball and the thief probably killed it by digging it up that way.
  #19  
Old 01-09-2017, 11:28 AM
Mean Mr. Mustard Mean Mr. Mustard is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BobArrgh View Post
One of the patients at the office walked in the front door, nodded to the receptionist, picked up the wooden magazine rack and about 20 out-of-date magazines, walked out, put it in his car and drove off...
I guess you could say he had issues.


mmm
  #20  
Old 01-09-2017, 11:33 AM
Chimera Chimera is offline
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Back around 1990-ish, my pickup truck was broken into in the apartment complex parking lot. I had a boom box and a dozen CDs sitting on the passenger seat but they ignored it to steal this little noise maker thing that looked like a radar detector. Stupid thing only made raygun and machine gun sounds and cost maybe $6.
  #21  
Old 01-09-2017, 12:03 PM
Little Nemo Little Nemo is offline
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I was investigating a stabbing at work.

"Who stabbed you?"
"I don't know."
"You don't know his name? Okay, what did he look like?"
"I don't know."
"Was he covering his face?"
"I didn't look at him."
"You didn't look at him? Somebody stabbed you three times in the stomach and you didn't think you should take a look to see what was going on?"

But he was more convincing than the guy who had a balloon of cocaine up his ass but told me the cocaine didn't belong to him and he didn't know how it got there.
  #22  
Old 01-09-2017, 12:06 PM
iiandyiiii iiandyiiii is online now
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I witnessed a fight between two buskers (street musicians) over a 'territory' in a subway station. The younger guy grabbed the older guy's trumpet and smashed it, then took off running and got on a train. He was later arrested and plead guilty (I was on hand as a witness, but never called to testify).

It was particularly stupid because by starting a fight with multiple witnesses, he lost the 'territory' by having to flee, and probably lost busking income that day.
  #23  
Old 01-09-2017, 12:30 PM
TriPolar TriPolar is offline
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Didn't witness this but I believe it's true: A friend's car broke down, had it towed to a nearby garage. They didn't diagnose the problem correctly and spent a day and half before simply replacing a coil. When he came to pick it up they wanted to charge him $400+ because of all the time they spent on it, he refused, they wouldn't let him have his car, so he called the state police. An officer arrived and instructed the garage owner he could only demand the book value for replacing the coil to return the car and if he felt more was owed he'd have to take it to court. The garage owner said fine, accepted a credit card for the $120 or whatever it was, and then told my friend "If I ever see you again I'll break your arm", right in front of the trooper, who cuffed him on the spot.
  #24  
Old 01-09-2017, 12:37 PM
Shodan Shodan is offline
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My wife's apartment was broken into before we were married, but all they stole was a can of frozen orange juice. The police thought it might be because some people keep valuables in the freezer. But in this case it was just orange juice.

Regards,
Shodan
  #25  
Old 01-09-2017, 01:04 PM
Gatopescado Gatopescado is offline
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I take the 5th!
  #26  
Old 01-09-2017, 01:23 PM
ZipperJJ ZipperJJ is offline
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My house was burgled when I was a senior in high school. The burglars managed to get the only things in the house worth any money - my mom's diamond ring and my dad's vintage baseball card collection. But they also stole my new Airwalk sneakers, which weren't KMart shoes but it's not like they were Jordans. They cost me about $60 and I loved them and was devastated about it. Oh also about having my home invaded.

My best friend and I sat in the hallway at lunch every day for a week hoping to see my shoes walk by. They never did.
  #27  
Old 01-09-2017, 01:31 PM
cochrane cochrane is offline
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Originally Posted by Gatopescado View Post
I take the 5th!
A fifth goes well with orange juice.
  #28  
Old 01-09-2017, 01:36 PM
kenobi 65 kenobi 65 is offline
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In 2001, I was commuting from suburban Chicago to downtown, using the CTA Blue Line, and would park my car in a lot at the station. I came back to my car one evening, to find the left rear passenger window smashed in. The only thing that was missing from the car was about $2 in change, which had been sitting in a cupholder.

I called the local police, and the responding officer told me that such break-ins were common in that lot. He said that the perpetrator(s) were nearly always looking for CDs, which they would then try to sell while riding on the train. My CD case was still in the car; I have to guess that the person didn't think that CDs by Electric Light Orchestra, Yes, and Queen would sell well.
  #29  
Old 01-09-2017, 01:49 PM
missred missred is offline
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We came back from vacation one summer to find that our detached garage had been broken into. Of all of the things in there (power saws, a small farm tractor, riding lawn mower, weed whacker, front end loader, rolling tool boxes, etc), the only things missing were four ducks from the deep freezer and a case of beer from the fridge.
  #30  
Old 01-09-2017, 02:01 PM
Loach Loach is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Clothahump View Post
Back in the 70s, I was a deputy sheriff. One of the other deputies made a traffic stop and the guy ran. The chase came into my area, so I joined in. We finally caught him and asked him why he ran. He said that he thought he had a warrant out for failure to appear - for a previous traffic violation. He didn't.

His stupidity got him a felony evading charge and I don't know how many other traffic citations.
I pulled a girl over for speeding and she gave a false name. I think this the only time I arrested someone for obstructing when they had no reason to lie. Her license was valid. No warrants. Nothing. The worst she would have gotten was a ticket and she might not have be given that. She was from a family that taught their kids to lie to police before they could walk. Basically the TV show Shameless.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mean Mr. Mustard View Post
I guess you could say he had issues.


mmm
Your posting privileges are under review.
  #31  
Old 01-09-2017, 02:26 PM
BeeGee BeeGee is offline
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My grandmother used to grow poppies in her front yard. Some genius decided that he could make opium and dug up all her poppies one night.

My other grandmother had a nutty next door neighbor who had a barbed wire cactus in her front yard. One night, some of the local high school guys decided to rope it from the back of someoneís pick up. My granddad heard them and they drove off before they could do more than bend one of the arms. (It was a saguaro barbed wire cactus)

About two weeks later they tried it again, only this time when they drove off they left the roper behind. Seems Mrs. Pearce decided that it would be too easy to steal her cactus, so she had it set in cement. The guys couldnít see the change in the dark. When they hit the gas, instead of pulling up the cactus, it pulled the guy with the rope clean out of the truck.

So I didnít really witness either crime, but I saw the hole in one yard and a the bent cactus in the other.
  #32  
Old 01-09-2017, 02:43 PM
BobArrgh BobArrgh is offline
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Originally Posted by Mean Mr. Mustard View Post
I guess you could say he had issues.
*Golf Clap*
  #33  
Old 01-09-2017, 03:00 PM
El_Kabong El_Kabong is offline
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Two items, vehicle-related:

In my working-on-drilling-rig days, I left my car in the company parking lot in Denver to go out to the field. When I came back a few days later, someone had broken a window to (apparently) take the volume control and tuning knobs off the stereo.

During my living-in-Paris days, I once watched a couple of guys screech to a halt in front of my place and leap out of their vehicles to argue some point of traffic etiquette. The discussion grew more and more heated until one driver aimed a kick at the other's front fender, caving it in. This prompted the other guy to retaliate by kicking a huge dent in his opponent's door. This tit-for-tat continued for a while, until the fight just sort of petered out and both finally drove off, having done thousands of Euros-worth of damage to their cars.

Last edited by El_Kabong; 01-09-2017 at 03:02 PM.
  #34  
Old 01-09-2017, 03:03 PM
Left Hand of Dorkness Left Hand of Dorkness is online now
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Originally Posted by BobArrgh View Post
*Golf Clap*
I join the clap.

We're not, uh, not talking about skinnydipping in a privately-owned lake late at night, right? Because I know nothing about that.

My roommate once had someone break into his car and steal his running shoes. They left their beat up crappy old sneakers behind in their place, which somehow didn't make him feel any better.
  #35  
Old 01-09-2017, 03:05 PM
Little Nemo Little Nemo is offline
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Originally Posted by Shodan View Post
My wife's apartment was broken into before we were married, but all they stole was a can of frozen orange juice. The police thought it might be because some people keep valuables in the freezer. But in this case it was just orange juice.
Sounds like the work of pirates. Those guys are always having problems with scurvy.
  #36  
Old 01-09-2017, 03:10 PM
Emergency911 Emergency911 is offline
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One of my first burglary calls as a young police officer was a person who walked through 4 inches of freshly fallen snow to their neighbors house, used his own hammer on the window next to the back door to gain entry and took the neighbor's TV and beer.
He left the hammer behind, which had his initials carved into it, just like every other tool he owned.

Now I know you are all thinking...how am I not working in some high profile, cushy sleuthing job? But I confess, the homeowner had it figured out by the time I got there, but was smart enough to not disturb anything.
I walked next door and talked to the suspect, who, upon seeing that he had been outwitted by not only this young sherlock in uniform, but mother nature and the neighbor, he immediately gave me a full confession. Of course I arrested him and he was bonded out before I had even finished the report.
Two weeks later, the homeowner came in and dropped all charges. It seems the neighbor bought him twice the beer he took, returned the TV and fixed the window, apologized profusely and promised to cut his grass, fix whatever needed fixing etc if he would drop the charges.

I checked later on that summer and found that the suspect had followed through with all of his promises and he and the victim were best of friends now.
  #37  
Old 01-09-2017, 03:30 PM
Sahirrnee Sahirrnee is offline
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Many years ago when I was a bank teller, one of the other tellers got robbed by a man who pretended to have a gun in his pocket. He timed it perfectly so he walked out of the bank, across the street, and got on a bus.
The dumb part was that he was a customer and we all knew who he was. The police got his name and address off his file and went to his house and arrested him.

When I lived in the city some dumb ass drug dealers decided to print up coupons for their customers. Buy four of anything and get the fifth one free. They put their name, address, and telephone number on the front of the coupons and drew a map on the back.

Friend's son, and I don't know if my friend was more embarrassed that his son committed a crime, or that he committed such a stupid one.
His son, nephew, and two of their friends decided to rob a pizza delivery guy. They used a cell phone to order the pizza and gave an address about two blocks away. They went and stood in front of that house and waited for the delivery man to show up. When he showed up one of the guys pulled a gun on him and took the pizzas and his cash - $25. The police were called and the dog basically followed the smell of the food to my friend's house, where the dumb asses were eating the pizzas. That is when they found out the nephew had lied about getting $25, it was really $125. The four of them spent 2+ years in jail for $31.25 and a pizza.

Two guys I knew.. I don't know if this counts.
They were into crack and thought they were slick. The cut the corners off a $50 bill and glued them onto $1 bills. Then they'd head downtown to buy crack. They'd fold the bills so the dealer could see only the corner with the 50 on it, so they'd get $50 worth of crack for a $1. I told them they'd get away with it exactly twice. The first time the dealer didn't notice until they were pulling away. He shouted and chased them but they were in a car and got away. The second time they went to a different corner. The third time, as I predicted, the dealers were waiting for them. Those two were very lucky they got out of there in one piece. Incredibly stupid to mess with drug dealers.
  #38  
Old 01-09-2017, 04:55 PM
kenobi 65 kenobi 65 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Left Hand of Dorkness View Post
My roommate once had someone break into his car and steal his running shoes. They left their beat up crappy old sneakers behind in their place, which somehow didn't make him feel any better.
This reminded me of another story:

When my now-brother-in-law was single, he lived in an apartment building about a block from the Austin Avenue entrance ramp to the Eisenhower Expressway in Chicago. He had an older car, which he parked in a small parking lot behind his apartment.

He was awakened at 3 a.m. by his phone ringing. He answered it, and was greeted by an officer from the Illinois State Police.

"Mr. [Name], are you aware of the current whereabouts of your car?"

BIL looked out the window of his apartment, and saw an empty space where he'd parked his car.

"No, sir, I'm not. It's not where I parked it last night."

"We just found your car, abandoned, on the shoulder of the Eisenhower. Mr. [Name], I need to ask...do you own a shotgun?"

"Ummm...no, sir. Why?"

"We found a shotgun in the back seat of your car."

"Well, that's definitely not mine."

"We suspected that it wasn't."

It appeared that the thief had hotwired the car, but it then broke down a few miles later, and the thief likely then just walked away from it, not wanting to be seen walking along the shoulder of the Ike, carrying a shotgun.

When my BIL got the car back, he discovered that the thief had opened the trunk of the car at some point, and, while he'd left the shotgun, he *had* stolen the contents of the trunk, consisting of a leather jacket and a large bottle of Tide laundry detergent.

Last edited by kenobi 65; 01-09-2017 at 04:56 PM.
  #39  
Old 01-09-2017, 05:02 PM
Malleus, Incus, Stapes! Malleus, Incus, Stapes! is offline
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Originally Posted by Annie-Xmas View Post
The cops took the guy away for a mental evaluation. I don't know what happened to the dog.
The dog was taken for a mental evaluation, too.
  #40  
Old 01-09-2017, 05:02 PM
Hilarity N. Suze Hilarity N. Suze is offline
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Someone smashed my car window in order to steal my stereo.

Only, my car was unlocked. They could have just opened the door. They didn't even try it, or maybe they just wanted to smash something. (Have had days like that myself.)
  #41  
Old 01-09-2017, 05:25 PM
FairyChatMom FairyChatMom is online now
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Someone cut the convertible top of my brother's Porsche to steal his sunglasses. Guess it was a really sunny day...
  #42  
Old 01-09-2017, 05:34 PM
Doctor Jackson Doctor Jackson is offline
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Originally Posted by kenobi 65 View Post
When my BIL got the car back, he discovered that the thief had opened the trunk of the car at some point, and, while he'd left the shotgun, he *had* stolen the contents of the trunk, consisting of a leather jacket and a large bottle of Tide laundry detergent.
Tide-al wave of detergent thefts.

I'm pretty sure I've posted these, but when I was in banking I was involved in one stupid robbery and knew of several others. The one where I was present involved a man who presented a teller with an "I'm armed stuff the money in this paper bag" type of note. She did, and managed to include the dye pack. He stuffed the bag down the front of his pants and ran out of the bank. Every exit door hides a transmitter that activates a dye pack on a few second delay. Dye packs release a staining dye, a skin and mucous membrane irritant (tear gas) and reach temps of well over 300 degrees F - none of which most people care to have happen in close proximity to their genitalia. We did get to see him using both hands to fling the smoking contents of the bag out of his pants as he ran across the parking lot. We may have laughed. He was found and was very easy to identify.

The next dumbest was the bank robber who made his getaway in a taxi. The cops called the cab company, got the drop off address and arrested the guy with most of the loot. He used some to pay the cabbie. Apparently he was a specialist. Robbed banks, not cabbies.
  #43  
Old 01-09-2017, 06:03 PM
DrForrester DrForrester is offline
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In the 1970s, my brothers and friends and I lived in a small town with a public swimming pool. Every day, a whole pack of us would ride our bikes to the pool. Often, we would see a man who dressed entirely in red clothes. Red cowboy hat, red vest, red shirt, red jeans, red cowboy boots. Everything was fire engine red. He walked irregularly. Because it was the 1970s, and we were children, we called the guy Disco Bob - because he appeared to be Disco dancing everywhere he went. We never spoke with him. He never gave us any trouble. But, we saw him regularly - until the day our father had to put him away for having sex with the telephone pole in front of the movie theater.

One of those "I can't believe this is actually happening moments" was the day that a guy ahead of me in line at the grocery store placed one of those large gallon size cans of peaches onto the conveyor. Then, opened his pants and put his penis onto the conveyor. He looked at the cashier and said, "What do you think of that?" She picked up the peaches & crushed the guy with it. He went immediately unconscious and fell to the ground.

I don't know whatever became of either of these ... thrill seekers. But, you do have to admire their optimism.

Last edited by DrForrester; 01-09-2017 at 06:07 PM.
  #44  
Old 01-09-2017, 06:16 PM
Toxgoddess Toxgoddess is offline
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Lawyer I knew told me this one:

22-year old comes home drunk. His mother, who he lives with, is irritated and nags him about his irresponsible behavior. He gets pissed in turn and tells her he'd rather be in jail than listen to her nag...so he calls the police. They arrive at the house and he demands to be arrested. They look at him and each other...and then ask "for what?" "Well, I'm drunk." Yeah, but you're of age and in your own home...that's all legal. He insists and finally confesses to driving home drunk or something..so they arrest him.
Now, he now doubt figured he'd get a night in jail, return home in the morning and Mom would feel bad. Turned out he'd had a minor-in-possession charge at one time which meant this was a second offense, making him a repeat offender with enhanced penalties and criminal record. Because he insisted on being arrested.

The lawyer who told me this said he thanked God every day for human stupidity.

Last edited by Toxgoddess; 01-09-2017 at 06:20 PM.
  #45  
Old 01-09-2017, 06:29 PM
Wolf333 Wolf333 is offline
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Someone just snatched an Amazon delivery from outside my door yesterday. That's really not so dumb, but what they stole was a case of canned fish.

That's right... they're take was wholly mackerel.
  #46  
Old 01-09-2017, 08:24 PM
chizzuk chizzuk is offline
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My mother's minivan was broken into in downtown DC while she was at work. The thief stole one of my then-7-year-old brother's batting gloves. He left the matching glove right next to it, as well as a Gameboy and a Discman that were in the same plastic tub under the seat. Never understood that one.
  #47  
Old 01-09-2017, 09:03 PM
Sparky812 Sparky812 is offline
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Back in high school some guy hanging out around the soccer fields decided he would drop his pants in front of my girlfriend's gym class and flash them his junk. Instead of screaming and running away, their coach yelled "Get him girls!" and they easily overtook him and gave him quite a beating until the police arrived.

A guy I grew up with robbed a local grocery store with a steak knife then hopped in a cab to get to a seedy hotel outside of town ....where the cops were waiting for him. He was seen getting in the cab, they called the dispatcher who radio'ed the cabbie asking where he was headed.

Another guy I was friends with in HS burgled a home in broad daylight with the family at home. Apparently, he walked right past the husband washing the car in the driveway in the front door past the wife in the kitchen and up the stairs. When they confronted him, he just ignored them took a couple of loose jewelry items, etc.. and walked out. The cops found him walking down the street a few blocks away. He had a knife, B & E tools, and a pair of panty hose in his pockets. I guess he just got lazy.
  #48  
Old 01-09-2017, 09:22 PM
Ennui Ennui is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gatopescado View Post
I take the 5th!
I wont (statues of elimination and all).

Late 1980s my best running buddy and I are walking home soon before the bars close when someone driving a Chevy Camaro parks the car on the street outside a bar and dashes in to grab a last round, leaving his engine running. It was a very stupid thing to do, leaving the keys in the kind of car dumb punks nearly fondle themselves over and it was far stupider still for the two of us to hop in and take it for a ride.

We had been drinking which more serves to amplify than in any way mitigate how stupid we were being and if anything in this tail is to our credit it's that it didn't take long for us to realize we were no longer in youthful prank, slap on the wrist territory. We were both working more or less full time and taking classes as time and money allowed, we did have something like a career plan at work and a criminal record wasn't really part of that plan yet the simple adrenal thrill of watching that bar door to make sure it didn't open until we were cleanly around a corner while my friend drove is something I remember to this day.

Thankfully that thrill wore off in a big darn hurry, within a few minutes we were in what the hell do we do now mode. I don't recall deciding to rifle through the glove compartment but quickly I was looking at three different documents with the same address on them and it was only a few miles away. We stopped off at a gas station in part to top off the tank but more so to get a big handful of those paper towel things they used to give you to clean your windows with. As my buddy drove to this guy's house I was wiping down anything I thought might have our finger prints on (except the pieces of paper I had handled, this was pre CSI where ever).

After a judicious drive by to make sure no one was on the front porch or anything we left the car in the guy's driveway with almost a half a tank more gas than when we found it and with a considerably cleaner interior and door handles. We waited till we were a few blocks away on foot before we let ourselves laugh about anything.
  #49  
Old 01-09-2017, 11:03 PM
Nawth Chucka Nawth Chucka is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wolf333 View Post
Someone just snatched an Amazon delivery from outside my door yesterday. That's really not so dumb, but what they stole was a case of canned fish.

That's right... they're take was wholly mackerel.
A hearty golf clap to you, only dinged a few points for the wrong their.
  #50  
Old 01-10-2017, 05:11 AM
Oakminster Oakminster is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by billfish678 View Post
..some local criminal broke in and stole the ass tray with all the spare change....
They don't make 'em like that anymore.
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