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Old 02-08-2017, 09:51 AM
Two Many Cats Two Many Cats is offline
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Kale Chips CANNOT Replace Potato Chips

No, you can push all the "Eat This, Not That"-type of propaganda you want, but kale chips are NOT an acceptable substitute for potato chips. Kale chips are bitter and nasty. And only someone who is so obnoxiously pure so as to never have tasted a potato chip in their entire life could EVER suggest that kale chips could make a plausible stand-in for George Crum's sublime creation.

And don't come me with that, "Well, if you make your own kale chips, they will taste much better." Goddammit, I work from dawn to nine everyday, and I don't need another little chore, thank you very much. Nobody ever insisted that I should make my own potato chips, and now I need to clean, chop, bake, and wash-up just to have a crunchy snack? What kind of world are we living in?

By the way, George Crum was a mixed-blood African and Native American, so if you try to get people to choose kale chips over potato, you are probably a racist.
  #2  
Old 02-08-2017, 09:57 AM
running coach running coach is online now
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Jim Gaffigan on Kale.
  #3  
Old 02-08-2017, 12:45 PM
Azeotrope Azeotrope is offline
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Originally Posted by Two Many Cats View Post
No, you can push all the "Eat This, Not That"-type of propaganda you want, but kale chips are NOT an acceptable substitute for potato chips.
Truer words never spoken.

I'm not even 100% sure kale is actually food. And I like radichio, beet greens, turnip greens, collards, chicory, dandelions, etc. so it's not like I'm prejudiced against greens or anything.
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Old 02-08-2017, 02:17 PM
ChockFullOfHeadyGoodness ChockFullOfHeadyGoodness is offline
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This reminds me of those misguided souls back in the 70s and 80s that tried to convince us that carob was an acceptable replacement for chocolate. They lost that battle for our hearts and minds and guts, a outcome the kale heathens are sure to repeat.
  #5  
Old 02-08-2017, 02:19 PM
running coach running coach is online now
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Originally Posted by ChockFullOfHeadyGoodness View Post
This reminds me of those misguided souls back in the 70s and 80s that tried to convince us that carob was an acceptable replacement for chocolate. They lost that battle for our hearts and minds and guts, a outcome the kale heathens are sure to repeat.
I actually like carob. It's only jarring when you're told it tastes like chocolate.

No, no it doesn't.

Last edited by running coach; 02-08-2017 at 02:19 PM.
  #6  
Old 02-08-2017, 02:25 PM
Darren Garrison Darren Garrison is offline
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Kale chips sound like the second worst chips I've heard of this year.
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Old 02-08-2017, 02:26 PM
pohjonen pohjonen is offline
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There is no longer anything I can eat without at least one negative repercussion.

I'm sitting in the corner under a grow light as I type.
  #8  
Old 02-08-2017, 02:37 PM
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Originally Posted by ChockFullOfHeadyGoodness View Post
This reminds me of those misguided souls back in the 70s and 80s that tried to convince us that carob was an acceptable replacement for chocolate. They lost that battle for our hearts and minds and guts, a outcome the kale heathens are sure to repeat.
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Originally Posted by running coach View Post
I actually like carob. It's only jarring when you're told it tastes like chocolate.

No, no it doesn't.
This. They're both brown flavored sugar candy. Different tastes.
  #9  
Old 02-08-2017, 03:29 PM
gnoitall gnoitall is online now
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There is no longer anything I can eat without at least one negative repercussion.

I'm sitting in the corner under a grow light as I type.
You'll get skin cancer.*

Apparently, the only thing good for your health is already being dead.

*No. Not really. Probably not, any way. Grow lamps don't kick out enough UVB. I hope.
  #10  
Old 02-08-2017, 04:38 PM
Hilarity N. Suze Hilarity N. Suze is offline
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Even worse than kale: Those little dried seaweed thingies. They look like decorative paper. They taste like cat food (yes, I do know, unfortunately).
  #11  
Old 02-08-2017, 04:42 PM
Ludovic Ludovic is online now
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Even worse than kale: Those little dried seaweed thingies. They look like decorative paper. They taste like cat food (yes, I do know, unfortunately).
Even worse than that: they taste like seaweed! Seaweed tastes exactly like I expected seaweed to taste and it is not great.
  #12  
Old 02-08-2017, 04:44 PM
ChockFullOfHeadyGoodness ChockFullOfHeadyGoodness is offline
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Even worse than kale: Those little dried seaweed thingies. They look like decorative paper. They taste like cat food (yes, I do know, unfortunately).
Are you talking about nori? If so, that's some mighty tasty cat food. I remember when I was a kid trying to differentiate the different flavors in Meow Mix. Tuna, Chicken, Liver - my butt. They all tasted like stale salty bread.
  #13  
Old 02-09-2017, 02:50 AM
Kimstu Kimstu is offline
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Kale chips are definitely not a replacement for potato chips, but they're quite yummy in their own right if well made. (I don't think I'd waste my time on commercial kale chips, I just don't see how proper kale chips could survive the packaging and transport.)

They're also not at all hard to make: no more work required than a lettuce salad. Wash, tear, dress, done. Kale chips do require to be baked, but that's something the oven does, not you.

And you have lots of interesting flavor options if you make your own. I like them with grainy mustard or balsamic salad dressing mixed into the olive oil that you rub on them.
  #14  
Old 02-09-2017, 04:27 AM
Elemenopy Elemenopy is offline
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Kale chips/=potato chips (which I don't really like, anyway)

However, colcannon (mashed potatoes plus greens, inclusive of kale) is, I daresay, even better than plain mashed potatoes. Heartier, earthier. We have it once or twice a month with whatever green I have lying around. Sometimes it's kale. Tonight it was baby spinach. Yum! I think I enjoyed it more than the ribeye I paired it with, and that's saying something.
  #15  
Old 02-09-2017, 08:16 AM
Shoeless Shoeless is offline
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When I worked in a pizza place in college, kale was not something to eat - it's what we used to dress the salad bar, and we'd throw it in the trash at the end of the night.

Whenever I hear people talk about eating kale, I think of that Far Side cartoon with the two cave men: "No no Thag! No eat parsley! Just for looks!"
  #16  
Old 02-09-2017, 10:20 AM
amarinth amarinth is offline
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None of those "eat this/not that" things are decent replacements. Most of the "this"s are just not good, which is why I was eating "that" in the first place.
That said - to me, kale chips made with baby kale are the closest substitute to potato chips. For everything else (sweet potato chips, turnip chips, etc) the texture is off. But baby kale chips have a similar crispy crumbliness to them. Don't get me wrong, they're still bitter and taste like kale, but they chew like a potato chip should.
  #17  
Old 02-09-2017, 10:37 AM
Cardigan Cardigan is offline
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None of those "eat this/not that" things are decent replacements. Most of the "this"s are just not good, which is why I was eating "that" in the first place.
A-freakin' men! Reminds me of the classic line in the movie "Inside Out" where Anger says "Congratulations San Francisco! You ruined pizza." when he sees a pizza topped with broccoli and sprouts.
  #18  
Old 02-09-2017, 10:45 AM
Johnny Bravo Johnny Bravo is online now
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Kale chips are pretty tasty. I had some last night (agreed that they have to be freshly made to be edible).

Nori squares are also tasty, especially the wasabi-flavored ones I get at TJ's.

But I have never had a human being attempt to tell me that either is a replacement for potato chips.

I believe Diedrich Bader said it best in Office Space: "No. No, man. Shit, no, man. I believe you'd get your ass kicked sayin' something like that, man."
  #19  
Old 02-09-2017, 10:53 AM
salinqmind salinqmind is offline
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I don't get it. Kale chips and potato chips have nothing in common. How can one replace the other?? Despite kale chips being the 'in thing' I doubt 90% of people have ever even sampled one at a food demo. It's like saying French macarons can't replace Hostess Ding Dongs - of course they won't, why would they???

Besides, I don't think kale chips are meant to be eaten in mass quantities. I have found to my sorrow, the next day, spent in the smallest room in the house, that they are not something to eat an awful lot of.
  #20  
Old 02-18-2017, 06:05 PM
TBG TBG is offline
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I don't see why you have to go to some obnoxious fad food to replace potato chips. Can't you just switch to the baked kind? Or if "make your own" just make your own potato chips in the oven instead of something that should be eaten only by rabbits other herbivores?

If you actually like kale, well, fine, good for you, but you have to realize, you're not normal.

Last edited by TBG; 02-18-2017 at 06:05 PM.
  #21  
Old 02-18-2017, 06:47 PM
John Mace John Mace is offline
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One of my favorite bar/restaurants has a kale chips thing on the bar menu, and it's actually pretty good. I've had it a few times when I felt like having something different.

As for seaweed.... if you don' like seaweed salad (as done in a Japanese restaurant), I don't know what to say. I had some jus a few days ago, and it was absolutely delicious.
  #22  
Old 02-18-2017, 07:16 PM
don't mind me don't mind me is offline
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The biggest drawback to kale chips is that they ain't worth shit for dipping into something that would overpower the ick.
  #23  
Old 02-18-2017, 07:39 PM
Trinopus Trinopus is offline
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Originally Posted by running coach View Post
I actually like carob. It's only jarring when you're told it tastes like chocolate.

No, no it doesn't.
Agreement: carob is a gentle and pleasant flavor.

I'd never even heard of kale chips before today; I've definitely gotta find some and try 'em. But where do I find 'em? I've never seen them in all my life of shopping. Do I need to go to a specialty store?
  #24  
Old 02-18-2017, 07:45 PM
John Mace John Mace is offline
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Agreement: carob is a gentle and pleasant flavor.

I'd never even heard of kale chips before today; I've definitely gotta find some and try 'em. But where do I find 'em? I've never seen them in all my life of shopping. Do I need to go to a specialty store?
WAG: Whole Foods.
  #25  
Old 02-18-2017, 07:51 PM
amarinth amarinth is offline
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Originally Posted by TBG View Post
I don't see why you have to go to some obnoxious fad food to replace potato chips. Can't you just switch to the baked kind? Or if "make your own" just make your own potato chips in the oven instead of something that should be eaten only by rabbits other herbivores?
Given the choice between baked potato chips and kale, I'd go without 9 times out of 10 and the tenth, I'd choose kale.
  #26  
Old 02-18-2017, 08:23 PM
Johnny Bravo Johnny Bravo is online now
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I'd never even heard of kale chips before today; I've definitely gotta find some and try 'em. But where do I find 'em? I've never seen them in all my life of shopping. Do I need to go to a specialty store?
Go buy some kale and make 'em yourself. It's quick, easy, and an order of magnitude tastier.
  #27  
Old 02-18-2017, 08:25 PM
TBG TBG is offline
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Given the choice between baked potato chips and kale, I'd go without 9 times out of 10 and the tenth, I'd choose kale.
Would that 10th case be due to drunkeness or perhaps some sort of "munchies"?

Yeah baked potato chips aren't great, but at least they're made of foodstuffs.

Last edited by TBG; 02-18-2017 at 08:25 PM.
  #28  
Old 02-18-2017, 08:36 PM
Mean Mr. Mustard Mean Mr. Mustard is offline
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A cow-orker recently proudly passed around a bag of kale chips that were allegedly flavored with some sort of cheese.

I ate one and almost vomited. I don't mean fake gaggy hawking trying-to-be-funny-or-dramatic shenanigans.

I mean I almost vomited.

Never again.


mmm
  #29  
Old 02-19-2017, 12:06 AM
Kimstu Kimstu is offline
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Go buy some kale and make 'em yourself. It's quick, easy, and an order of magnitude tastier.
Yup. If you need the steps, they are:

- wash the kale, if not pre-washed;
- tear into about playing-card-sized pieces, discarding stems and any wilted bits in the process;
- toss in bowl with about a tablespoon or so of olive oil, with some flavorings mixed in to the oil if you like it (mustard, garlic, vinegar are good);
- spread on baking sheet and bake in moderate oven until crispy, maybe 15-20 min.
  #30  
Old 02-19-2017, 08:03 AM
davida03801 davida03801 is offline
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I have a nephew. He and his wife are full fledged vegans and force this upon their kids. No chips for their 2 kids except kale chips, other veggie chips, and some seaweed shit chips they also promote. Its all yuck to me.

I actually feel sorry for those two kids.
  #31  
Old 02-19-2017, 09:38 AM
Azeotrope Azeotrope is offline
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Originally Posted by davida03801 View Post
I have a nephew. He and his wife are full fledged vegans and force this upon their kids. No chips for their 2 kids except kale chips, other veggie chips, and some seaweed shit chips they also promote. Its all yuck to me.

I actually feel sorry for those two kids.
They haven't figured out yet that potatoes are vegetables?
  #32  
Old 02-19-2017, 09:52 AM
John Mace John Mace is offline
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They haven't figured out yet that potatoes are vegetables?
Meat and potatoes. It's a slippery slope!
  #33  
Old 02-19-2017, 11:17 AM
cochrane cochrane is online now
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Originally Posted by Johnny Bravo View Post
Go buy some kale and make 'em yourself. It's quick, easy, and an order of magnitude tastier.
Even easier: Buy bag of potato chips. Tear bag open. Stick hand in bag. Pull out handful of chips. Put chips in mouth. Chew.
  #34  
Old 02-19-2017, 12:22 PM
Jackmannii Jackmannii is offline
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I am all for enjoying vegetables in their own right.* Making pseudo-versions of tasty snacks is lame, though.

I just haven't gotten on board with kale yet, except for growing it as an ornamental in the garden.

And speaking of flamboyant vegetables, I grew purple brussels sprouts last year (quite good though the sprouts were small), and am growing red okra this year. Okra fritters...mmmm.

*I even eat the decorative parsley at restaurants.
**just make sure your kale chips are non-GMO - those genetically engineered kale chips are nasty.

Last edited by Jackmannii; 02-19-2017 at 12:25 PM.
  #35  
Old 02-19-2017, 01:12 PM
Trinopus Trinopus is offline
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Yup. If you need the steps, they are:

- wash the kale, if not pre-washed;
- tear into about playing-card-sized pieces, discarding stems and any wilted bits in the process;
- toss in bowl with about a tablespoon or so of olive oil, with some flavorings mixed in to the oil if you like it (mustard, garlic, vinegar are good);
- spread on baking sheet and bake in moderate oven until crispy, maybe 15-20 min.
Good God! A recipe I might actually be able to follow! (I can just barely boil water!)

(I had to Google what "moderate" is: answer seems to be 350. I haven't actually used my oven in more than five years.)

My next stupid question: does this process work with other veggies? Like, really thin flat bits of carrot, or flat leaves of lettuce, or even thin apple slices?
  #36  
Old 02-19-2017, 03:56 PM
Guinastasia Guinastasia is offline
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Ugh, my dad LOVES kale. He's always cooking it up for himself. I'm sure if given the chance, he'd be all over kale chips. *gag*

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Originally Posted by amarinth View Post
Given the choice between baked potato chips and kale, I'd go without 9 times out of 10 and the tenth, I'd choose kale.
I actually like Baked Lays -- not as a potato chip substitute, but just for themselves. Only problem is they're so fucking expensive.

(BTW, am I the only one who thinks the folded chips are the best ones?)
  #37  
Old 02-19-2017, 04:45 PM
Two Many Cats Two Many Cats is offline
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Even easier: Buy bag of potato chips. Tear bag open. Stick hand in bag. Pull out handful of chips. Put chips in mouth. Chew.
Exactly. And as for making kale chips for myself, beside the already stated four preparation steps, there would be:

Rinsing and drying the baking sheet, because it's dusty from non-use.

Preheating the oven, which includes painfully kneeling down on the floor to make sure the burners are going, and a lot of squinting at the thermometer, checking for it to reach the correct temperature.

Juggling hot baking sheets.

Washing awkwardly sized baking sheet manually in the sink afterwards because there's no automatic dishwasher.

Cleaning up all the water spillage because of awkwardly sized baking sheet sprays water everywhere.

Cleaning up the kitchen counter of oil and vinegar bottles, shreded kale, garlic chunks, etc.

Throwing away kale chips because nobody likes them.

I'll stick with Ruffles, thank you.

Last edited by Two Many Cats; 02-19-2017 at 04:47 PM.
  #38  
Old 02-19-2017, 04:48 PM
Trinopus Trinopus is offline
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. . . Throwing away kale chips because nobody likes them. . . .
I'll get back to you on that; there are mighty, mighty few foods I do not like!
  #39  
Old 02-19-2017, 05:33 PM
DrDeth DrDeth is online now
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why are "they" pushing kale so hard???
  #40  
Old 02-19-2017, 06:23 PM
cochrane cochrane is online now
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I admit, though, I like the Pringles vegetable chips, or crisps, or what ever you call them. I have the super Italian cheese flavor and the Mighty Margherita pizza flavor that are quite tasty.
  #41  
Old 02-19-2017, 06:30 PM
Ambivalid Ambivalid is offline
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Kale chips are like cow chips.
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Old 02-19-2017, 09:43 PM
Kimstu Kimstu is offline
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Good God! A recipe I might actually be able to follow! (I can just barely boil water!)
Enjoy! This thread inspired me to bake up a big batch of kale chips this evening, with balsamic vinaigrette flavoring, and I'm crunching the last of them as I type. Crunchy crumbly bitter balsamicy goodness. Mmm.

I should have pointed out that if you don't want to mix salt into the flavored/unflavored oil you rub on the kale pieces, you can salt them after they're spread out on the baking tray.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Trinopus View Post
My next stupid question: does this process work with other veggies? Like, really thin flat bits of carrot, or flat leaves of lettuce, or even thin apple slices?
You can definitely "chip-ify" any other strong leafy green exactly the same way as kale: collard greens, mustard greens, chard, etc. I have read that leaf lettuce works too, but I haven't tried it myself (mostly since I will snarf down lettuce in raw form much more readily than I will bother with cooking it).

And the internet sez that you can indeed make carrot chips in the same way. (Peel and slice them diagonally and very thinly before oiling, salting and baking.)

Apple chips I would be inclined to buy if I wanted them, rather than making at home (although as with lettuce, by the time I'm done eating raw apples there would be none left to bake). They probably hold up much better in commercial processing and packaging than leaf-chips do.
  #43  
Old 02-21-2017, 02:04 PM
FoieGrasIsEvil FoieGrasIsEvil is offline
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Kale chips are gross. Kale tastes like shit, but it IS highly nutritious. It's best use, IMO, is as a vitamin source for smoothies....provided enough fruit is added to the blend to mask the shitty taste.
  #44  
Old 02-21-2017, 02:46 PM
jz78817 jz78817 is online now
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Originally Posted by FoieGrasIsEvil View Post
Kale chips are gross. Kale tastes like shit, but it IS highly nutritious. It's best use, IMO, is as a vitamin source for smoothies....provided enough fruit is added to the blend to mask the shitty taste.
not that there's anything wrong with kale, but what does it do that spinach doesn't?
  #45  
Old 02-21-2017, 02:48 PM
jz78817 jz78817 is online now
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They haven't figured out yet that potatoes are vegetables?
they may also be anti-junk-food.
  #46  
Old 02-21-2017, 03:12 PM
August West August West is offline
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not that there's anything wrong with kale, but what does it do that spinach doesn't?
Thank you! Or Swiss Chard!

My wife was buying into this kale thing 2 years ago. I tried it. It's terrible.

I asked, "why is this nutritionally better than Swiss Chard?" (which I do enjoy) and it turns out it isn't!
  #47  
Old 02-21-2017, 03:31 PM
quimper quimper is offline
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Originally Posted by August West View Post
Thank you! Or Swiss Chard!

My wife was buying into this kale thing 2 years ago. I tried it. It's terrible.

I asked, "why is this nutritionally better than Swiss Chard?" (which I do enjoy) and it turns out it isn't!
It's all about the anti-oxidants found in cruciferous vegetables, glucosinolates. These have potent anti-inflammatory and anti-cancer effects. Eating too many raw cruciferous vegetables has the side effect of suppressing thyroid function so moderation (and proper cooking) is key.

Last edited by quimper; 02-21-2017 at 03:31 PM.
  #48  
Old 02-21-2017, 03:32 PM
jz78817 jz78817 is online now
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Originally Posted by August West View Post
Thank you! Or Swiss Chard!

My wife was buying into this kale thing 2 years ago. I tried it. It's terrible.

I asked, "why is this nutritionally better than Swiss Chard?" (which I do enjoy) and it turns out it isn't!
there's nothing wrong with it. when I hit the salad bar at work about 1/3 of it is kale. I just don't get what makes it a "superfood" over and above any of the other Brassica Oleracea cultivars.
  #49  
Old 02-21-2017, 03:35 PM
running coach running coach is online now
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Originally Posted by jz78817 View Post
there's nothing wrong with it. when I hit the salad bar at work about 1/3 of it is kale. I just don't get what makes it a "superfood" over and above any of the other Brassica Oleracea cultivars.
Sales of previous "superfoods" were dropping.
  #50  
Old 02-21-2017, 04:07 PM
FoieGrasIsEvil FoieGrasIsEvil is offline
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Kale wins out nutritonally by a hair according to this here: http://skipthepie.org/vegetables-and...ard-swiss-raw/

But the flavor differences probably more than make up for it. Swiss chard and kale probably cost close to the same too.
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